Book Jacket

 

rank 330
word count 96205
date submitted 30.03.2010
date updated 22.05.2013
genres: Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
complete

24 Hours From Tulse Hill

Fran Hiatt

Can a Scotland Yard detective recover from a bullet-shattered hip, damaged reputation, broken heart and his mid-life crisis? Does Bournemouth hold the answer?

 

Rob Trent is frightened, insecure, intolerant, vulnerable and a bit of a drama queen; just normal then for a bloke pushing forty.

Parting from his soul mate Sarah makes life unbearable for Trent, as well as for the people who have to work with him in New Scotland Yard's Bloc-Busters squad.

Self-pity leads to neglect of himself and his work, and he is shot during a raid on a gang of human traffickers by notorious gang leader, Gobek.

Convalescing in his seaside home town of Bournemouth, he tries to rid himself of his demons as well as his crutches. The local CID boss thinks Trent's salvation will come through helping his own depleted squad. Reluctantly Trent agrees and soon investigates the murder of a musician in an ABBA tribute band . Three women are murdered and a fourth missing, suggesting the work of a serial killer.

Trent is aided by a middle-aged detective constable trying to re-invent himself and a policewoman who thinks he's Mr Right. A corrupt detective inspector is convinced that Trent is agent provocateur, and his activities are linked both to Gobek and the musician.

 
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Wounded in Acton

  With only the amber glow of urban light pollution to guide them, the three policemen had picked their way along uneven dirt-tracks and through a disused railway yard. They were just a mile from a densely-populated West London borough, but the bleakness of their surroundings and the wind-chill smacked more of some far-flung outpost of the former Soviet Union.

Detective Sergeant Rob Trent clambered out of the thicket of frost-coated brambles and stumbled into the chain-linked fence. Seconds later two detective constables emerged from the same undergrowth, with gloved-hands thrust into deep warm pockets. Stamping Doc Marten-booted feet almost rhythmically on the crinkly crisp white grass, they looked at Trent, then up at the fence and back at Trent again, accusingly.

‘What the fuck is this, sarge?’ said Farrow.

‘It’s a fence, what’s it look like?’ said Trent, picking thorns from his sleeve.

‘I know it’s a fence, but what’s it doing here?’

‘It shouldn’t be according to the A-to-Z,’ said Jindle, retrieving his dog-eared copy.

‘Perhaps not in your ancient edition,’ said Farrow. ‘But the good sergeant here was supposed to bring a proper detailed map.’

Trent had ordered an Ordnance Survey Explorer from Central Registry and it duly arrived marked; “URGENT-FAO DS TRENT”. But like his other correspondence both at work and on his doormat at home, it had remained unopened.

Trent knew he’d be crucified for his incompetence but he was tired and past caring. Nightshift often disrupted the body-clock, but he’d not slept properly since Sarah left.

‘Another thing, why leave the car behind?’ said Farrow. ‘We could all die of hypothermia out here.’

‘Standard procedure,’ said Trent, with a look colder than the night. ‘Approach cautiously on foot undetected, or arrive in a nice warm Mondeo and get fucking shot.’

'What about digging underneath it?'  suggested Jindle. 'It's got to be better than walking all the way round. It must be at least a quarter of a mile to the main gates.’

Farrow dropped to his haunches and tapped at the bare earth with his gloved knuckles.

‘No chance, Ajay, it’s rock-hard so we’d need a spade,’ he said, standing up again. ‘We’ve got one in the boot, oh, almost forgot the car’s half a mile away.’

‘Somehow I don’t think a plastic snow shovel would be much use,’ replied Jindle, leaping to Trent’s defence. ‘Had you said a pneumatic drill, well, now you’re talking tools.’

Almost simultaneously they turned their heads in the direction of the warehouse, its huge black profile jutting up into the night sky. It was at least fifty yards away, but it looked close enough to reach out and touch.

‘There’s a hole in the wire over here,’ said Farrow, walking towards it. ‘Probably kids breaking in to vandalise the place. We should be able unravel it a bit more to make it copper-sized.’

‘Thank goodness for that,’ said Trent, relieved to be off the hook.

Once through the gap they stayed close to the perimeter in case they set off an alarm or triggered security lights. They made slow progress towards the nearest corner of the building, using their minilite torches sparingly to identify rabbit-holes and other hazards of the darkness.

Just a few feet from the building, Trent’s torch beam danced along the blank wall until it came to rest upon a tiny half-open window twelve feet from the ground.

  ‘What d’you reckon, Ajay?’ asked Trent.

  ‘Why me?’ protested Jindle.

‘You’re the youngest, the fittest and the smallest,’ suggested Farrow.

‘And don’t forget the best looking,’ added Jindle, ‘But what you really mean is that I’m the new boy and consequently I have to do all the crap jobs.’

‘On your Future Leader training you’re supposed to learn things from the ground-up,’ said Farrow. ‘You can’t get more ground-up than climbing up to that window.’

‘I thought we were only supposed to observe the place and report back,’ the young man replied.

‘How can we observe anything when we can’t see fuck all,’ said Farrow.

The men were silent as they looked up at the window, almost as if each was trying to work out a way of climbing up to reach it.

‘Apart from having to do the Edmund Hilary bit,’ whispered Jindle. ‘Is breaking into someone’s warehouse strictly legal and above board, sarge?’

‘Of course, Ajay,’ Trent reassured him. ‘You’re seconded to The Bloc-Busters squad now. Everything we do is a hundred per cent kosher.’

‘Yeah, right,’ said Jindle, nodding. ‘I suppose that sawn-off shotgun in the boot of the car is Metropolitan Police standard issue is it?’

‘Not exactly, I found it at a crime scene,’ said Farrow. ‘I just haven’t got round to handing it in yet.’

‘What crime scene?’

‘Takings robbery in Ealing,’ he said. ‘We were sat in the pub watching Euro 2004 when we got the shout.’

‘That’s only like nine years ago,’ said Jindle, shaking his head slowly. ‘What happened anyway?’

‘We beat Croatia 4-2.’

‘You’re unbelievable,’ he replied, shaking his head slowly. ‘I didn’t mean the football.’

‘It was down to three Polish plumbers. They’d only been in the EU five minutes and thought they get rich quick. There was less than five grand in the security case.’

‘They’d probably have made more as plumbers,’ remarked Trent. ‘Especially in Ealing.’

Trent switched off his torch and stepped towards the wall, crouching down slightly and putting both hands against it for support.

‘Right, Ajay, you climb aboard my back, gently mind. Then when I straighten-up steady yourself against the wall, reach up and grab the window sill.’

‘Do I have to?’ he said. ‘It’s so undignified, sarge, I’m supposed to be a fast-track graduate not a common housebreaker.’

‘Always good to have a trade to fall back on,’ suggested Farrow. ‘There’s always the slim chance you won’t make it to Metropolitan Police Commissioner by the age of twenty-five.’

‘Stop taking the piss,’ said Jindle. ‘Or if I do make it I might sack you.’

They stopped talking as they heard the muffled sounds of explosions, whizzes and electronic music. All three dropped to the ground and stared towards the corner of the warehouse.

The silhouette of a large man appeared from around the side of the building, and the unusual sounds appeared to be coming from the palm of his hand. A small bright light illuminated his man’s neck and the lower part of his bearded face as he walked.

‘He’s playing computer games on his mobile,’ hissed Jindle.

Before the man had covered another ten feet he let out a shriek as he was slammed violently into the wall, the device falling to the ground.

‘Police,’ said Trent, forcibly cupping his hand over the man’s mouth. ‘Don’t make a sound.’

The detective sergeant shone his torch from the man’s dirty designer-trainered feet, soiled grey track suit bottoms up to his bearded chubby face and squinting watery eyes. As Trent frisked him, Jindle scooped up the man’s mobile and checked the display.

‘He’s got Space Invaders,’ he exclaimed, turning to face the man. ‘Is it a one-off or did you download the retro pub games bundle?’

‘Never mind his apps,’ said Trent. ‘Here, take his keys and try them in the side door, but check it’s not alarmed before you open it.’

Trent handed the bunch over to his colleague, and continued searching the man’s pockets.

‘What’s that, another mobile?’ said Trent, examining the small, cheap Nokia before shining his torch beam into the captive’s face again. ‘Why have you got two phones?’

‘Bet you a pound to a penny he doesn’t speak English,’ said Farrow. ‘They usually forget when we want to question them,’

Jindle turned a key slowly into the side door lock, opening it very slightly and shining his torch inside. He pushed his hand through the small gap, running his fingertips gently along the inside of the frame.

‘Did they learn you to do that at Hendon?’ asked Farrow, sounding impressed.

‘No, I was taughted it from a Bruce Willis film,’ he replied. ‘Come on, sarge, we’re in.’

Using the captive as a human shield, Trent held on to the back of the man’s hooded top and pushing him through the open door. Jindle and Farrow were close behind, and silently they sought refuge behind an abandoned fork-lift truck a few yards away in the poorly-lit gloom.

‘You’d better sit down,’ Trent instructed the prisoner. ‘We don’t want you legging it to warn your mates.’

The man looked at the policeman blankly but appeared to understand the instruction. He sank to his knees before shuffling his bulk into a more comfortable position on the grimy floor.

As the policemen’s eyes adjusted to the poor light, they could see the rear of a container lorry. The vehicle had been reversed up to the internal loading bay ramp, its rear doors wide-open. Huddled together inside the grimy freight container were a group of about sixteen young men and women. One or two were weeping but most were silent, as if already hopelessly resigned to their fate.

  What horrors lay in store for the human cargo were well known to Trent and his team from Scotland Yard’s Organised Crime Task Force. Better known as, The Bloc-Busters, the elite squad had been formed in 2004 to curb the activities of powerful criminal gangs flocking in from Eastern Europe for rich pickings in the UK.

They plied their lucrative and violent trade of human trafficking, prostitution and illegal arms throughout the country. Most of the gang members had slipped into England under the radar, and so identifying them was almost as impossible as trying to track them down.

Their victims would be cleaned up, photographed and either be sold online or auctioned off at private parties held in secluded country houses, the outbuildings of isolated farms and disused factory units. The lucky ones would either escape or be rescued by the authorities, but most were destined to spend the rest of their short miserable lives doing unthinkable things with unspeakable bastards.

Trent reached down and prodded the fat man’s shoulder gently.

‘How many men in here?’ he demanded in an anxious whisper.

The man shrugged, his bottom lip pouting in an expression of either not knowing, or not really caring.

‘My English, I speak it not very good.’

‘You’ll speak it even worse with a broken jaw,’ said Trent. ‘Now stop messing me about, how many men?’

‘I don’t know, three, maybe four,’ the man mumbled, before attempting to stand up.

‘Stay where you are, I haven’t told you to move. Now is it three or four?’

The man slumped down again and shook his head slowly. He looked as if he had better things to do than talk to this policeman in the early hours.

‘I tell you, I don’t know,’ he insisted. ‘A man in the pub he pay me forty pounds to patrol outside building. You know, keep watch, in case any bugger come.’

‘Forty pounds?’ replied Trent. ‘You’ve got yourself involved in serious crime for forty quid?’

‘In my country it’s a great deal of money.’

‘Yes, but we’re not in your country are we? It’s not a lot of money in London, is it?’

Trent looked across at the two detective constables.

‘Hey, Ajay,’ he said, almost in a whisper. ‘What can you but these days for forty quid?’

Jindle looked thoughtful for a few moments.

‘I bought my gran a DVD boxed-set of Dad’s Army for Christmas; £39.99.’

‘A DVD boxed-set,’ Trent repeated, looking down at the fat man. ‘You mean to tell me you’ve sold your soul for the price of a DVD boxed-set?’

‘I have other income streams,’ the man replied. ‘A few odd-jobs here and there, it all adds to a tidy sum up each week.’

‘There’s nothing tidy about taking money from these bastards.’

  DC Farrow had been in the job for so long now that his tolerance level had slipped into minus figures.

‘Don’t you realise its selfish twats like you who keep scum like this in business?’ he said, his face contorted with an inner rage.

The fat man looked shamefacedly into the faces of his captors.

‘I am a poor man, I needed money.’

‘You didn’t need it at all,’ Farrow snapped. ‘You just wanted it.’

Tears were now forming in the corners of the man’s dark eyes, and he wiped them way with his stubby, bear-like hand.

‘All for the price of a DVD boxed-set,’ said Trent.

The fat man looked agitated, his tearful gaze darting between the three pairs of eyes staring down at him. It was as if he were searching for a shred of compassion and understanding of his economic plight, but he was disappointed.

‘I didn’t know about no crime, I swear it. Like I tell you before, a man in the pub asked me. I am just the lookout.’

‘Lookout, my cock,’ said Farrow. ‘Who do you think those poor sods are in the back of that truck, eh, fuckin’ X-Factor contestants?’

‘You should give that bloke his money back anyway,’ added Jindle. ‘A herd of elephants carrying flaming torches could have got by you unnoticed.’

‘You’re not even worth a single DVD,’ said Trent. ‘Never mind a whole boxed-set.’

The fat man stared at the floor like an admonished child for a few moments before raising his head slowly. He drew in a deep breath and his nostrils flared defiantly.

'I was a captain in Rumanian army,' he said, stretching his neck and pushing out his chin. ‘I served my countrymen for seventeen years.’

‘How lucky they must be,’ remarked Trent.

Farrow looked towards the truck again and spotted a young woman dressed in a grubby night-dress squatting over a plastic washing-up bowl to urinate. She was in full view of her travelling companions, none of whom seemed bothered about looking away to give her some privacy.

‘If we were armed, I’d save the tax-payer a fortune in court costs and barristers,’ said Farrow, grinding his teeth.

‘It’s one thing making idle threats, Farrow,’ said Jindle. ‘But killing someone in cold blood, well, I don’t think you’d be able to do it.’

‘If these bastards get put inside they’ll be out again in just a few months. They’re hardly likely to settle down to a steady nine-to-five with a rented flat and an ‘R’ reg fuckin’ Astra are they?’

‘No, of course not,’ replied Jindle. ‘But it’s not down to us.’

‘But they’re totally fuckin’ un-rehabilitationable, if there is such a word.’

Trent crouched down next to the fat man, clamping his hand firmly on his shoulder.

‘The men in here, are they armed?’ he said softly. ‘You know, guns, bang-bang?’

‘How would I know?’ the man replied, sounding aggravated. ‘I am just the lookout.’

He trying to rise to his feet again but Trent tightened his grip, forcing him to sit still.

‘If I have to tell you to sit down again one of us will end up getting hurt, and it won't be me.’

‘Look can I go home now?’ he asked. ‘I want no trouble with police.’

‘Too late for that,’ replied Trent.

For the first time the man appeared frightened as Trent stood up and retrieved a pair of handcuffs from his belt.

‘What you need those for? I don’t do nothing,’ he pleaded, his hands gesturing like a Moroccan market trader reaching his rock-bottom price. 'I just want to go home, get my supper.'

Trent squatted down again and secured the man's wrists.

‘If you behave yourself I'll get you a home-made Cornish pasty from the police canteen,’ he said cheerfully. ‘If you don’t, I’ll make you eat two. Now give that mouth of yours a rest for a few minutes and sit still.’

‘I am not a criminal.’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ snapped Jindle. ‘You boxed-set bastard.’

  Trent smirked and retrieved the confiscated Nokia, waggling it in front of the man’s face. 

‘The man who pays you, did he give you this?’

‘If I saw anyone coming I supposed to ring man on phone,’ replied the fat man with a shameful nod. ‘He put number in for me; it is the only entry in list of contacts.’

Trent navigated through the menu and found the list and the solitary number under the entry name of ‘Boss’.

‘Hey, sarge, what if the good captain here called them up and told them he’d seen something?’ suggested Farrow. ‘They’d all go outside then, and we can nab the lot of them.’

‘We’re supposed to quietly observe before reporting in,’ protested Jindle. ‘I don’t remember any senior officer at the briefing telling us to act like complete tossers and get ourselves killed.’

‘I know, Ajay, but if we can take them all out we can secure the building and help those poor sods in the truck,’ said Farrow.

‘How do you suggest we tackle them, stick our hands in our jacket pockets and pretend we’ve got guns?’ said Jindle. ‘Even if we had your dodgy sawn-off here it wouldn’t do any good. They’ve probably got automatic weapons.’

Two weeks previously police marksmen had shot dead a suspect after mistaking the metal pipe he’d been carrying for a rifle. Subsequently, a directive from on high had tightened-up procedures for issuing firearms. Had they applied, Trent’s team would have been lucky to get so much as a water pistol and a bottle of Evian.

A high-pitched scream rang out and all four men turned their heads in the direction of the darkened corridor.  Trent crept towards the front of forklift, looking for any sign of the cargo’s captors.

  ‘You two watch Eagle Eyes here, while I take a closer look’ he said. ‘Ajay, get on your mobile and get a back-up team here.’

‘Why go in at all, sarge?’ said Farrow. ‘You may be on a death-wish, but I’ve got three young kids who’d quite like to see their daddy arrive home in one piece after his shift,’

‘Without back-up you’ll be putting us all at risk if you get caught,’ added Jindle.

‘I’m only going to see if the main man’s here that’s all,’ Trent reassured them. ‘If there’s any trouble get the good captain here to make that phone call. It might cause enough of a diversion to save both your arses.’

Trent handed the mobile to Jindle.

‘Just don’t do anything stupid and they won’t need saving,’ barked Farrow.

Trent moved quietly along the passage, and an involuntary shiver ran down the back of his neck. He didn’t want to be there, he never wanted to be anywhere these days. He just wanted be stay at home.

As he crept along the poorly-lit corridor the subdued hum of the warehouse’s portable heating units was interrupted by another scream. This time it was higher-pitched and lasted for several seconds longer.

It came from inside a room several yards ahead of him, and he quickened his pace towards the light spilling from the open doorway.

With his back to the wall he peered cautiously around the door frame. A stocky well-built man was standing sideways on to him, holding a digital camera. He was leaning over a small blonde-haired girl seated naked on a plain wooden chair. She couldn’t have been much older than her mid-teens, and her terrified eyes were drowning in tears as she tried to shield her nudity from the man’s gaze with her thin pale arms.

‘You want me stop hurting you?’ the photographer said, his accent sounding to Trent like a Russian thug in a James Bond movie. ‘Then get your arms down, push your titties out and smile for the camera.’

If the girl understood his instructions she didn’t show it. Instead she slid off the chair and using her bare feet, slid backwards along the floor until she was pressed firmly against the unpainted breeze-block wall. She raised her knees up to her chest, pulling them tightly towards her and burying her puffed-up face behind her skinny thighs.

The photographer moved forward and raised the flat of his right hand just above her head. Before he could strike, Trent burst into the room and planted the sole of his boot into the man’s midriff like a half-hearted karate kick. The blow sent the man stumbling across the room and clattering into a grey metal filing cabinet, the small camera falling from his grasp and shattering on the quarry-tiled floor.

The girl squealed like a piglet and brought her hands up to cover her head, as Trent hauled the photographer back to his feet. He spun him around, pulling him close to his unshaven face, the policeman’s stubble more derelict than designer.

A look shrouded in menace escaped from Trent’s tired blue and bloodshot eyes, and the man looked away and tried to wriggle free. The detective sergeant’s left hand grabbed the lapel of the man’s Levi jacket, pressing against his throat. He retrieved his warrant card and held it a few inches from a worried-looking face.

‘Police, and don’t even think about coming quietly. I’d hate to see you get out of here unscathed.’

The man started to panic, struggling violently to free himself from Trent’s grip. He managed to throw a token punch into the policeman’s upper body, but before he could land a second Trent’s hand slapped him hard across his face.

‘Hurts doesn’t it?’ said Trent. ‘But don’t worry, by the time I’ve finished you won’t feel a fucking thing.’

He struck the man’s face repeatedly, each slap hitting home harder than the previous one making the inside of Trent’s fingers sting. The photographer made almost childlike whimpers as he jerked his head from side to side, unable to escape the onslaught. 

Two pairs of powerful arms seized Trent from behind. Wrenching him away from the man, he was forced to relinquish his hold and the photographer dropped to his knees clutching his face.

Trent shrugged himself free and stooped down on his haunches. Fists at the ready he looked like a washed-up boxer ready to take on all-comers.

‘Take it easy, sarge, for fuck’s sake it’s only us,’ said Farrow in a frantic whisper. ‘We could hear you right down the corridor. What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’

‘If the rest of his mates heard the commotion we’ll be right in the shit,’ said Jindle. ‘The back-up team’s at least fifteen minutes away.’

Trent nodded curtly and breathed-in deeply. He felt nauseous, thirsty and incredibly tired and it took a few minutes for the adrenalin pumping around his veins to slow down to a relative crawl.

The terrified young girl was now crouching behind a desk in the corner of the room. Trent removed his ski jacket and walked over to hand it to her. Her eyes softened slightly, and he looked away as she covered herself up.

Jindle knelt down to check on the condition of the photographer before handcuffing the man’s wrists behind his back.

Two men walked into the room and stopped dead when they saw the three intruders facing them. Trent recognised the pock-marked features of Kolia Janko, a local small-time villain and thug-for-hire from nearby Shepherd’s Bush. But he was far more interested in the man standing behind in the open doorway.

Vladimir Gobek was the leader of one of the largest gangs in the south, and The Bloc-Busters had been trying to find the Ukrainian for eighteen months. Without hesitation the detective sergeant strode purposefully towards them, his eyes ablaze and his right fist clenched.

‘Police, don’t move you’re under a-fucking rest.’

Gobek rushed forwards pushing Janko firmly in the back, sending him into the arms of the advancing Trent before running from the room and slamming the door behind him.

The detective sergeant struggled to push the giant Janko out of his way, and after a brief scuffle he despatched him into the arms of Jindle who manhandled him to the floor. Trent almost wrenched the door off its hinges before giving chase towards the rear of the building.

At the far end of the corridor Gobek was struggling to open the little-used bar lever of a fire exit door. He stopped as the sound of heavy footsteps could be heard echoing towards him.

Trent had broken into a sprint and sixteen stones of stroppy detective sergeant with no brakes were on collision course with the Ukrainian. Both men crashed against the stubborn fire exit, freeing the bar-lever mechanism instantly. The door sprang open, slamming loudly against the exterior brickwork as the two men were deposited on to the concrete in the cold night air of Acton.

Trent fell heavily on to his knees but Gobek quickly scrambled to his feet. He planted a solid kick into the policeman’s thigh before running over to a Range Rover, parked twenty yards away by the perimeter fence.

The Ukrainian frantically searched his pockets and retrieved the keys to the vehicle, as a dead-legged Trent lumbered slowly towards him. The policeman was just a few yards from his man when the building’s security lights came on, flooding the warehouse site like an evening kick-off football match.

Trent stopped and looked across at Gobek, who was standing alongside the car casually pointing an automatic pistol at him. Stranded in no-man’s-land, Trent was totally exposed with nothing to defend himself. He raised his arms limply in a half-hearted gesture of optimistic surrender.

The two men stared across at each other, catching their breaths and exhaling plumes of carbon dioxide into the wintry night air. Trent realised that he wouldn’t be able to make up the ground between himself and the gunman without risking a bullet. But by doing nothing there was every chance that he’d get shot anyway.

He knew too well how Gobek and his cronies operated. Extreme violence was part of their daily routine, and he’d have no qualms about shooting a policeman.

‘You may have a gun but you’re still under arrest, Gobek,’ Trent heard himself saying. ‘So put that pistol down.’

Trent felt like an idiot for suggesting it, but felt the need to carry on talking. It may buy him some time, so it was worth a try.

‘You really think I’m going to surrender to an unarmed cop?’ the gangster replied.

‘If I don’t nick you there’ll be plenty here soon who will.’

‘You’re a real funny guy,’ said Gobek,

‘You may think you’re an important man, Gobek, but you’re the biggest pile of shit we’ve ever had in our records,’ he said, with an unconvincing half-smile. ‘We have to remember to wash our hands after handling your file.’

  ‘What’s this, childish insults now?’ Gobek replied. ‘Delaying tactics, hoping your friends will arrive and save your arse.’

‘It’s you who’ll need saving, mate,’ said Trent, his voice sounding surprisingly calm. ‘If you kill me, Gobek, my colleagues will break every bone in your head. You’ll either be dead or crippled for life before you even get to trial.

‘They’ll have to catch me first.’

Trent felt his heart pounding like an executioner’s drum, but he knew he had to keep the chat going.

‘Look, if you put the weapon down now I can at least put in a good word for you.’

‘So I’ll get twenty two years instead of twenty five, bargain. Why didn’t I think of that?’ said Gobek. ‘But then, I have an even better idea. How about I put a bullet in your head and drive away?’

Trent’s left leg started to shake involuntarily and his mouth became parchment-dry. He was expecting a shot to go off at any moment and his mind started to race, desperately searching for a way out.

‘It doesn’t have to be like this, Gobek,’ Trent said, his voice no longer sounding assertive. ‘You’ve had a good run, so you’ve be caught now. Why not just accept it?’

‘You’re living in a dream-world, my friend.’

‘Nightmare more like,’ Trent quipped.

Gobek laughed at the retort waving the pistol teasingly from side to side.

‘So why come after me at all?’ he said, looking concerned. ‘You must realise we carry guns, and we have been known to use them from time to time. Purely in self-defence I might add.’

‘Of course, you need a gun when dealing with fifteen year old girls. All drug-dependant and scared shitless,’ replied Trent, nodding in agreement. ‘You must be really proud of yourself.’

‘Bastard,’ replied Gobek, spitting in Trent’s direction.

Releasing the safety-catch on the pistol he aimed it directly at the detective but then looked away towards the rear of the car. Both men heard deep-throated growls, and a split-second later two German Shepherd dogs launched themselves at the gunman.

In the shadows Trent spotted a group of uniformed police officers crouching behind the Range Rover, and smiled.

The gunman tried to fend off the dogs with clumsy kicks and punches, fumbling for the button on the electronic key fob and unlocking the vehicle. He struggled to pull open the driver’s door as one dog sank his teeth into the sleeve of his jacket, and the second gripped at his ankle. Their powerful bodies lurched backwards, low to the ground, dragging him forcibly away from the car.

As sharp teeth made contact with soft flesh, the gunman gripped the car’s raised sill with one hand, swiping wildly at each dog’s head with the barrel of the weapon.

Trent had no choice but to keep his distance; his police warrant card meant nothing to the lethal dogs.

Whether it was just fatigue or carelessness, Trent's twenty years’ police experience deserted him. Instead of moving to safety, he stood watching and waiting for the reinforcements to move in.

He heard the deafening sound of a gunshot. At the same time the top of his right leg felt as if it had caught fire and he screamed as he dropped.

A warm sensation enveloped his hip, almost as if someone was urinating on him. He twisted his body awkwardly to try to take his weight off the wound. He found the courage to reach down and touch it. He gasped in shock and fear as his fingers disappeared inside a deep hole into flesh which he could no longer feel.

He raised the hand slowly and felt the blood trickling gently down his wrist, a few drops dripping on to his face like warm clean engine oil. His temples pounded rhythmically, and he tried to sit up as a cloud of tiny grey dots flew around the back of his eyes.

Gobek was writhing on the ground on his back still trying to fight off the tenacious dogs. He was now gripping the pistol tightly in both hands and waving it erratically. A second shot went off followed by a sickening yelp from one of the dogs.

The animal lay on its side whimpering and convulsing and tried several times to stand up. Trent looked over at the car and could see the sleeve of Gobek’s jacket in tatters, his wrist and forearm a lacerated bloody mess of deep bites and ragged tears.

In his weakened state Gobek tried once more to aim the weapon at the remaining dog, but the animal’s determination paid off. The gangster loosened his grip, allowing the weapon to clatter harmlessly to the ground.

‘‘He’s dropped the gun,’ shouted Trent to his cowering colleagues.

A dog handler rushed over to gather up the firearm before calling off and restraining his canine charge, hugging it affectionately.

The handler of the stricken dog was in tears as he knelt down to check on the condition of his wounded animal. He stood up slowly, and his face was contorted with rage as hauled the injured Gobek to his feet, slamming him against the side of the Range Rover. Wrapping the chromed dog chain around his fist like a steel bandage he punched him full in the face, breaking his nose and splitting both lips like burst chipolatas.

Gobek raised his head and smiled defiantly, blood, snot and spittle running down his face.

‘That’s assault, my foolish friend,’ he said, in a mixture of broken English and broken teeth. ‘In a few hours’ time my lawyers will crucify you, and your fucking dog.’

Gobek cried out as another officer forced his wrists behind his back to handcuff them, making no allowances for the deep wounds the dogs had inflicted.

As the Ukrainian was being led away to a police van he spat out bloody saliva and pieces of gum tissue at the dog handler, who had to be restrained from launching a further attack on the injured prisoner.

The handler returned to his wounded dog, crouching down to pat him reassuringly on the head. As he examined the wound, other police officers gathered around in a semi-circle.

‘Thankfully it’s only a flesh wound by the look of it,’ he said, looking up at the faces of his colleagues with a relieved smile. ‘It must have given him a nasty sting though, the poor sod.’

Trent’s lips brushed against the ice cold concrete and he felt incredibly thirsty. He closed his eyes against the searing pain. Why doesn’t it just stop? Perhaps if I can sleep it might go away. I need sleep, but fuck its cold.

He sensed someone kneeling beside him and looked up through weighted eyelids. A fresh-faced police constable in a Hi-Viz jacket was staring at him, looking as frightened as the wounded detective felt.

‘Don’t worry son,’ said Trent. ‘Just try and remember the bits on the First Aid course when you nodded-off.’

The young man grinned sheepishly. ‘I only finished it Friday.’

‘Top of the class?’ said Trent, raising his eyebrows.

‘Not quite.’

‘That’s me fucked then.’

The constable laughed, and unzipped the medical bag. He snapped on a pair of surgical gloves, and moments later Trent felt him cautiously cutting away at his trouser leg. The diligent tailoring was followed by ham-fisted probing inside the wound, and Trent screamed.

‘Sorry, but I have to stop the bleeding,’ the young man explained, looking upset.

‘How, by killing the fucking patient?’ growled Trent.

As the pain intensified Trent couldn’t help but think about Sarah. Even if he survived he knew he’d never see her again.

Would she even attend his funeral? - He wouldn’t mind if she sat at the back, as long as she came.

Would she even be told? - She wasn’t next-of-kin. Far from it.

It should make the headlines in the Evening Standard and Metro. - “Detective murdered on duty, ex-girlfriend blames herself.”

Trent sobbed as a field dressing was pushed hard against his hip, softly mouthing Sarah’s name as he felt himself slipping away.

‘Did you see that Gobek, sarge?’ the young man said, trying to distract him to keep him conscious. ‘The bastard nearly killed one of our dogs.’

It has the desired effect, and dragged the detective instantly from his melancholy. Trent felt snot dribbling on to his lips, and tried to stifle a grin.

‘Don’t waste your first-aid training on me then, constable,’ he said, snivelling into his shirt-sleeve. ‘Not if a fucking dog’s been shot.’

 

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MC Storm wrote 45 days ago

I read through the first chapter. Well I must say there is certainly plenty of action throughout. The dialogue amongst the three cops is great. You get a sense of who they are. The sarge, the newbie. I really thought something was going to happen to him when two pairs of powerful arms seized Trent from behind! The next sentence i caught a small typo:
Wrenching him away , he was forced him to relinquish his hold....guess either they forced him or he was forced to relinquish...
Overall, well writen and a great start I've given this high stars.
MC Exposed

Seringapatam wrote 50 days ago

Fran, This is my kind of book and I like what Trent is all about. I like the challenges you have in store for him and how he deals with them. that in itself tells me how much work you have done before you started writing and then again once you started this magnificent book. I just love how well it is written and I feel you had me hooked at such an early stage. So so well done and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

franhiatt wrote 368 days ago

I felt immediately that I was an onlooker, transposed from my place of comfort to the dark, dank and threatening warehouse confrontation. An action packed start that promises well for the chapetrs that follow and instantly hook the reader.
The only achilles heel - the variable quality of the much used similies. Some brilliant, others (e.g. 'Trent's heart was pounding like a heavy metal drum solo') struggling in my view to earn their place in the otherwise excellent and authentic sounding dialogue and fast moving chronicle of events.
Tony C - about to submit 'Happenstance'



Thanks for the terrific comment, and I've now removed 'heavy metal drum solo' . Thanks.

Tony C wrote 376 days ago

I felt immediately that I was an onlooker, transposed from my place of comfort to the dark, dank and threatening warehouse confrontation. An action packed start that promises well for the chapetrs that follow and instantly hook the reader.
The only achilles heel - the variable quality of the much used similies. Some brilliant, others (e.g. 'Trent's heart was pounding like a heavy metal drum solo') struggling in my view to earn their place in the otherwise excellent and authentic sounding dialogue and fast moving chronicle of events.
Tony C - about to submit 'Happenstance'

franhiatt wrote 391 days ago

Fran,
Brilliant writing.
Found two little grammar errors or typos.
Great work though, clean smooth copy and compelling words..
Good luck on your writing,
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen



Chapter 1 now corrected, thanks. I'm constantly editing all my stuff on here, but I still miss a few things.

fledglingowl wrote 391 days ago

Fran,
Brilliant writing. Only read the first chapter but goodness, what a sympathetic and heroic character you've got in Trent. Just read Adeel's book on Not for Sale, then open this and we're back trafficking humans. Small world, but just a wonderful beginning, totally hooked. Like the medic and the dog bit, like all of this. The superhuman restraint we require of our protectors against the vilest and meanest of human beings. Give me Dirty Harry any day. Poor Trent , his wife left him, the big goofus is hurt and alone.
You just punched all my buttons and I can't wait to read more.
High stars for now, will keep you on my watchlist until I've read more. But it is great.
Found two little grammar errors or typos. First is in the sentence -- most gang members has slipped into the U.K. -- change has to have or had
Second, He just wanted to alone, locked away. - to be alone.
Great work though, clean smooth copy and compelling words..
Good luck on your writing,
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Shelby Z. wrote 403 days ago

Thrilling opener here. I enjoy the way it gets right into exciting elements. The thrill is heavy and drawing to the reader's interest.
I would say to add something about the accent the man has int eh beginning. Give a hint describe it.
The opener flows very very well. I like the action of what is happening.
Not too excited about the swear words, but otherwise, I really enjoyed the action of it.
Super work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. When you have time, Please take a looked at my pirate adventure. :)

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 415 days ago

This is a real mixture of comedy and despair. Trent reminded me of a mixture of cops from TV series. The main one I thought of when he was laying into the perpetrator was Jean Hunt from Life On Mars. Trent obviously has major issues which I am sure will become clear later on. Well written and entertaining. I will read on because I am intrigued to find out what happens to the Abba tribute musician (sounds like something that would happen in Blackpool)

Kim (Pain)

SouthernBrat wrote 449 days ago

Excellent, and to think I was heading to bed. Love the way it flows, very easy to get hooked. Thanks for sharing.

RoyEarle93 wrote 497 days ago

I was really impressed by your first chapter, it is written very well and fast paced, and is loaded with tension. You build your characters very well too.

Roy Earle, "Bad Men and Bad Odds"

Good Luck!

Bobby's Girl wrote 499 days ago

Genuine tension and loads of humour as well. A great combination! Rated and backed.

Crispy wrote 502 days ago

Hi Fran,

I just started to read your book having been pulled in by the "play on words" title. This is brilliant. Fast paced and dramatic. The characterisation is spot on and I loved the fact his stubble was "more derelict than designer". I will be reading on and may comment further.

Perhaps you would do me the honour of glancing at Marking Time; a satire on the English education system, with an otter.

Good luck
Crispy

Rover Rabbit wrote 528 days ago

Hi, I have just read the first chapter which I think is impressive. I think that you have an eye for injustice and use it to good effect as a balance to Trent's gung-ho attitude towards the criminals. I wish the police were really so capable and brave....I will continue reading and I'm not going to comment on your composition. To me it runs very well... I hope the rest continues in the same vein.
Barry (Between Caligula's Toes)

sully wrote 530 days ago

I've just stuck five stars on your bonce - keep that editing going,
Good luck, Sully.

franhiatt wrote 532 days ago

Amongst the many do's and don'ts in the book, he emphasises the need to edit,edit and edit again. To pare it down to the bare bones.
Good luck Sully x



Excellent advice. Editing is quite a chore but a necessary one.Although writers hate cutting out what they think are good words that the story needs, losing the dross improves the reading experience. Thanks

sully wrote 534 days ago

Hi Fran. The story is beginning to build nicely in the second chapter, but I still think you should be more ruthless with your editing. You should read Stephen King's book 'On Writing'. Amongst the many do's and don'ts in the book, he emphasises the need to edit,edit and edit again. To pare it down to the bare bones.
However successful an author is, the first draft will never be the one that we see in the book shop. It may take a dozen or so drafts before the publisher is happy with the end product. For instance, near the beginning of chap 2: 'Fast approaching forty.... in a crowded coffee shop'. The sentence is not concise and lacks impact. Perhaps: ' He was fast approaching forty and not one for holding down long term relationships. But he had been smitten by the attractive young lady who'd shared his table in a crowded coffee shop.' By separating the sentence the two pieces of information have a slightly more dramatic effect.
And the next para: 'After an hour of conversation in the cafe.....see her again'. The sentence makes sense but doesn't flow too well. Maybe: 'They had enjoyed an hour of conversation in the coffee shop. When they parted Trent was too unsure of himself to ask to see her again'.
One more example of less is more: 'Westbrook sank his bulk into Trent's father's old winged-backed leather armchair...' It's a visual mouthful. and unless Trent's father is an integral part of the story it just gets in the way. 'Westbrook sank his bulk into an old wing-backed armchair and sipped his cup of tea'. It's cleaner, sharper and to the point. If it is not essential to the story-telling, get rid of it. Too much unnecessary waffle can come across as trying to pad out the story just to up the wordcount.
I hope you're not offended by my remarks Fran. We all do it - try too hard to impress and just end up muddying the water.
If you get to read my novel feel free to rip me apart. Good luck Sully x

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 545 days ago

Dear Fran

This book is as good, if not better than its sequel, which I read first. That's me, always getting things the wrong way round. This book has all the ingredients of best writing, including realism in spades, clear plot, believable lovely, ambiguous characters and accurate, great writing. A really enviable basket of skills. Oh, and you are reliably consistent too, which is a great bonus.

I love the witty chapter headings.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

franhiatt wrote 553 days ago

Impressive first chapter - sharp writing, tense and fast moving. Plenty of humour but be careful. I wouldn't try to put quite as much humour in the story, as it can detract from the seriousness of the situation in which Trent finds himself.
Also, I think some of your sentences are too long and therefore lose some of their impact. Hope you don't mind me giving you two examples: The sentence (near the beginning) that starts - 'They were observing a group of young men....' It would be much easier on the eye and pack more punch if there was a full stop after 'container' and then: It was parked in the internal loading bay inside the front of the warehouse. The austere vessel sat behind two locked, roller shutter doors.'
The second is in the next paragraph: I think a full stop after 'They were known as The Bloc-Busters' ( a great name by the way) would highlight your clever title; otherwise it gets lost in a sentence that's longer than my garden.
Then a full stop after 'Europe', then, 'These villains plied....'
It is a vital tip that was passed on to me by a harsh literary critic - hope your not offended. Sully.



Thanks, I always appreciate constructive comments and criticism, I'm here to learn. I've re-edited Chapter 1 now, which reads much better. The humour isn't comedy as such, it's just the way we are in those situations.

You may want to try the second book in the series, 'Cold Hearts and Candy Floss', but be warned Chapter 1 will make you cry.

Sheilab wrote 553 days ago

What's not to like about a book with Abba and Acton as tags? This is very pacy and very funny. I've only read the first chapter but hope to read more. On my shelf and will keep in my list to read on when I get a chance.
Sheila

sully wrote 553 days ago

Impressive first chapter - sharp writing, tense and fast moving. Plenty of humour but be careful. I wouldn't try to put quite as much humour in the story, as it can detract from the seriousness of the situation in which Trent finds himself.
Also, I think some of your sentences are too long and therefore lose some of their impact. Hope you don't mind me giving you two examples: The sentence (near the beginning) that starts - 'They were observing a group of young men....' It would be much easier on the eye and pack more punch if there was a full stop after 'container' and then: It was parked in the internal loading bay inside the front of the warehouse. The austere vessel sat behind two locked, roller shutter doors.'
The second is in the next paragraph: I think a full stop after 'They were known as The Bloc-Busters' ( a great name by the way) would highlight your clever title; otherwise it gets lost in a sentence that's longer than my garden.
Then a full stop after 'Europe', then, 'These villains plied....'
It is a vital tip that was passed on to me by a harsh literary critic - hope your not offended. Sully.

sully wrote 553 days ago

Hi Fran. Just arrived on the site a few weeks ago. I like the sound of 24 hours it was a well worn joke when I was in the money market so you have my attention. Will get my nose stuck into it today. Would appreciate it if you would check out my novel Reasonabl Force. I also write poetry and perform stand-up musical comedy - writing songs about members of my audience. Up to this point my nose remains unbroken. If you have yesterday's Daily Mail my poem about Dawn French featured on page 48. Good luck, we need it in this industry. Cheers, Sully.

Jed Oliver wrote 565 days ago

Nicely Written! You do a good job of building sympathy for your PC, as well as developing his personality. From the first chapter, you had me wishing him well. I read four chapters, and can see the story developing nicely. Very best of luck with this. Starred and backed. Best Regards, Jed Oliver (French Roast and Lingerie)

Charles Bunton wrote 569 days ago

Very readable even if the 'Sarge', the setting and the villains are a bit BBC!
Best wishes
Stewart

Lynne wrote 573 days ago

I see you are still editing and so I won't nit-pick over your punctuation. I found this highly entertaining and hope to read more later. Backed with pleasure. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

franhiatt wrote 573 days ago

I don't believe you capitalize "sir".



Thanks for pointing that out, you're perfectly correct. I've changed the master copy now.

Brian Downes wrote 573 days ago

I've read chapters one and two, and you have succeeded in making me curious about what will happen with Trent, Cythia, Trent's new off-the-books assignment, the human trafficker from Eastern Europe, and Trent's old girlfriend. And that's the most important thing a writer can do.

There's some debate on this point, and the Queen's English may vary from Standard American, but I don't believe you capitalize "sir".

franhiatt wrote 574 days ago

The actual storytelling and language use really is top-notch, though I do agree with the comment below saying it could do with a good edit.



Thanks for the good advice, I've just edited Chapter 1 again and it does read a lot better. I will hack away at the other 26 chapters in due course.

whoster wrote 574 days ago

Comments on first chapter. Very skilled story telling and some lovely descriptive terms. 'Bloc-Busters' raised a smile, '...a mixture of Broken English and broken teeth,' and '...splitting both lips like burst chipolatas' are all superb. I'm not so sure about one or two of the other examples. I'd take out the 'stag party' reference in the sentence - 'He closed his eyes as his temples started to pound (rhymthmically like a stag party hangover), and prayed for the pain to stop.' I think this could help the flow of the reading, and also put more of a premium on your sparingly used other terms.

Minor typo: During the Cornish pasty mini-saga, you've missed a full stop - ...I'll make you eat two(.) Now give your....

No Man's Land (I think I'm correct in saying) should be 'nomansland.'

One sentence I'd be tempted to restructure is, "...adrenalin pumping round his system..." Perhaps - "...adrenalin pumping round his system slowed to the relative crawl of a hundred miles an hour" might work better and slightly economise it.

Very near the end of the chapter I'd be also tempted trim things up. - "If not, she'd read all about it in the papers. At the very least it should make the front page of 'The Evening Standard' and 'Metro' (obviously still in italics - which I can't use here). I don't think it's necessary to use 'London' or 'free,' and certainly not necessary to use the word 'newspapers' twice in consecutive sentences.

The actual storytelling and language use really is top-notch, though I do agree with the comment below saying it could do with a good edit. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how bloody tedious editing is, but I think you need to balance your obvious love for writing prolifically with the need for painstaking nit-picking. I gave my book a very thorough edit after a few agents told me, in so many words, it needed 'trimming and economising.' It really can make a huge difference, and the quality of your writing deserves it!

This is in the queue for a backing - quality descriptiveness and wry humour is always something I want to support. In the meantime, pleased to give it plenty of stars.

franhiatt wrote 580 days ago

This has all the right ingredients for a winner but needs a rigorous edit..



Thanks for the comments. I can write stories all day and every day but I find editing difficult. Take a look at the sequel 'Cold Hearts and Candy Floss' and see if this is better. I wrote it in three weeks and edited it today.

Hermione wrote 581 days ago

This has all the right ingredients for a winner but needs a rigorous edit. Better punctuation, including breaking up some longer sentences, would make a big difference. On my watchlist...

AMW wrote 582 days ago

Starting in media res is often mentioned as the best approach. However, in this piece, I felt the need for a line or two before the dialogue begins. Perhaps something along the lines of: Trent motioned for the detective constable to move to the right as they approached the man crouched by the corner of the warehouse.... or something similar. Immediately tells us we're dealing with police, they're approaching some sort of suspect, and the setting is a warehouse. Then maybe have the DC slap on the cuffs while Trent waves his warrant card. Oh, and how did they keep the bad guy from yelling out an alarm?

Your dialogue is very good and there are some very funny bits. You might consider removing the adverbs describing the characters' speech... "he said, defiantly", "remarked dryly" etc. Just go with a simple he said or better, the man said when referring to the criminal. Then show the defiance or the dryness either in the words or the body language.

I was bothered that Trent was so verbally threatening in this opening lines, and was relieved when he pushed the man "gently" on his back and threatened him with Cornish pastys. Remember, we don't know Trent yet, so his threatening to do physical harm initially can throw us off. I really began to like him after the Cornish pasty line.

Take a look at the paragraph beginning: As Trent moved slowly and quietly along the passage.. You've presented the same information two ways. I know you want the reader to get that Trent is tortured, but you don't have to rush that information. Feed it to us a bit at a time. His actions let us in on that as well as his thoughts.

You present a vivid scene inside the warehouse, although, I was expecting Trent to handcuff the guy. Trying to hold on to a "tall, well-built" bad guy while fishing out a warrant card is hard for me to picture... well actually, I picture the bad guy escaping! I would also expect more fight out of the bad guy. You might consider making him a smaller man? Other than that, I thought the interaction was well done and vividly presented.

One small thing for you to watch throughout is your use of "he". At times you are referring to Trent, sometimes to the criminal or the photographer, and it's not always clear. When I read "he", since I'm in Trent's POV, I think Trent before reading a word or two more and realizing you mean the other guy in the scene.

Personally, I find the reference to Trent's bad breath a turn-off. Also when referring to his eyes ("tired blue and blood shot") keep in mind description is often more powerful when it is more focused.

After Trent is shot, I doubt he'd be able to stand, let alone walk. And I'm bothered that both Trent and the dog handler were both so quick to attack suspects. Perhaps it's reality, but it still throws me a bit.

After Trent is shot, the initial part of the chapter repeats. Probably some kind of computer glitch... take a look.

You have a strong voice and this opening has a lot of energy. I'm giving it 4 stars and putting it on my watch list. Good luck.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Kris Mikelson wrote 592 days ago

Punctuation is a little off but WOW you hit the nail on the head! Giving it 4 stars and putting it on my shelf to finish. Impressive. Engrossing. Extremely engaging!

The Only Toojiboo wrote 594 days ago

After reading the write-ups, especially Lj Traffords, I'm going to give it whirl...I do like black comedy.

Forgotten Treasure wrote 603 days ago

This is good. Will back without even reading chapter 2.
Ron Ron

Lj Trafford wrote 603 days ago

Gosh this is good. I really engrossing, funny, crime read. And, AND the quips are funny! In a world of movies with such lame one liners, shoe horned in because thats what you do since Bond - yours are generally good. The tone is comic yet what you write about, from the first chapter of sex slavery is hard hitting and somehow you make the jokey and the tough work. Big well done.
I also like the Bournemouth setting, which makes a nice change from big city crime novels.
Favourite line? The bit about if you can remember betamax and dexys midnight runners you have no right chatting up young barmaids.
Backed. Best thing I've read in a while.

celticwriter wrote 610 days ago

Hi Fran, you grabbed with me with your synopsis, and didn't let go.
Nice tale!

blessings,
jim

franhiatt wrote 634 days ago

Pedantry corner - there is no such paper with the London Evening Standard



Thanks for the comments Strachan, I get the Evening Standard most days and you can see by the link that officially it calls itself the London Evening Standard, http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/, which most people know it as.There is no such newspaper as the Bournemouth Bugle, which is also mentioned, but I wouldn't want to advertise the real local rag.

strachan gordon wrote 635 days ago

I love the detail about the murder of the Abba tribute band member ,if only it had actually been the band itself say in about 1978 , when they presumably had never made a record , what an agreeable developement that would have been. I think you have caught an excellent tone which verges at times on affectionate brutality ,also you have introduced a really good idea of convalescing in Bournemouth and then getting caught in mayhem. Pedantry corner - there is no such paper with the London Evening Standard on its masthead , it is just called the Evening Standard. Sorry about that , I debated with the impulse to resist telling you , but failed . I wonder if you would have the time to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is about Pirates in the 17th century, with best wishes Strachan Gordon. Watchlisted.

Jesse Powell wrote 647 days ago

Lol, I like Arnie, Stand and Eric. So Trent has two steamy affairs-ish with Cynthia and Sarah. Is Sarah's tale there to showcase Trent? or does she return? I like the errogenous baiting, well done. Complecated storywriting. You know, you could even begin with Chapter 3, but I like the action-prologue then protag intro in one. You get to an editor, you could open that as an option to show flexability.

Ian Walkley wrote 649 days ago

The pitch got me in. Something kept me reading, not quite sure what. I liked some of the humour in the Trent character. As a prologue it is too long, I think. Why not make it chapter 1? Best of luck with it. Ian

CharlieChuck wrote 695 days ago

Fran
The title attracted me, I think 24hrs from Tulse hill was a Carter USM song from back in the nineties, I may be wrong though, I usually am. I read the first chapter, you built up good pace and I was immersed in the story. Couldn't see any typos, enjoyed it.
Charlie

MarieG wrote 706 days ago

Hi Fran. A good first chapter - lots of tension and action, well done. Added to my watch list. Marie

franhiatt wrote 743 days ago

Hi Fran, is this a single book or is it part of a series? I was absolutely hooked right through but am now quite confused by the end and i think I will need to do some rereading to try and make sense if it.



Apologies for the confusion but the choice of ending was to leave 'unfinished business' , so that the end of the story wasn't too cosy and happy ever. It demonstrated that the main villain, Gobek, was still able to flex his muscle from behind prison walls, but fortunately for Trent he failed. It also left it open for me to write a sequel, using the same police characters, and Gobek is dealt with early on so it will be a separate story in its own right.

I hope to complete this soon, but as with most people, pressures of the day job limit my writing time and its taking longer than it should. This is a shame because I've two more completely different books in note form that I also want to complete, and I have had people interested in Measuring For Curtains as a stage play.

I should have married someone rich so I could sit in the drawing room of the country pile gazing out across manicured lawns, sipping a Bucks Fizz and tapping away novel after novel on my laptop, in-between coffee mornings, opening village fetes and arranging flowers in the church.

C.E.Wildgoose wrote 743 days ago

Hi Fran, is this a single book or is it part of a series? I was absolutely hooked right through but am now quite confused by the end and i think I will need to do some rereading to try and make sense if it... Ce

LadyRobertson126 wrote 751 days ago

Great start! You paint a great picture and its not all black, I love the wry humour in there. Backed with pleasure.
If you get a chance have a look at What Lies Within by Audrey Finch
TheLady

writingbear wrote 754 days ago

Fran,
I was looking at your book again and I still like it, so I decided to back it. Please take a look at either of my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND for you possible backing. Your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

CMTStibbe wrote 792 days ago

This is a sharp narrative with first-rate dialogue. It’s believable and extremely funny. Trent is my hero. He must wash his hands after handling a perp’s file and keep away from the dogs to safeguard his police warrant card. Great visuals – ‘his temples pounding rhythmically like a stag-party hangover.’ He’s a meticulous sort although it’s amusing to note that he has already traced (and probably stalked) Sarah all the way to Balham. And how did Trent manage to turn up at the same wedding as Sarah? This book is superb. I have rated highly and put on w/l for backing. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

J.Kinkade wrote 797 days ago

Love the detail. Love the dialogue. Really good stuff here, Fran. Backed with pleasure.

writingbear wrote 807 days ago

Fran,
I liked your synopsis so I decided to back you book 24HOURS FROM TULSE HILL. If you would take a look at my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND for a possible backing it would be very much appreciated. Thank you and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Irene Ro wrote 857 days ago

My dear Fran - what a wonderful start! And just enough light, comedy touches to make the whole scene completely bearable for a lilly liver like myself. Wonderful. Will put this on my bookshelf now. All the best, Irene