The Incredible Layla Moon

Ah, where do I begin.
I started reading this wondering if I was in for a nicely written reprise of 'The Omen'. How wrong I was. Within a few paragraphs I was pulled in by the explicit humour and amazingly realised characterisation. The intentions of these deranged personas, including those of Layla Moon herself, are always humorous; the nod at the corruption of the church is cleverly exaggerated (I hope) to a nicely comedic degree; and Layla, this twisted, demonic, conniving, blonde-haired little deviant somehow has the reader on her side. I started reading this and just kept wanting more and more.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that a reader can relate to Layla - we understand her actions but can't agree with them at all (poor Smokey). But for some reason I'm a little bit on her side. All in all, this book is compelling and entertaining, and overflowing with accomplished wit and intelligence.

An almost flawless piece of Britsh eccentricty, this is beautifully written and goes off in wonderfully weaved, tangents of comic gold-dust.
The characterisation is beautiful and sheer deparvity of the sex manages to be both erotic and hilarious at the same time--the most difficult feat of all to pull-off.
Layla's victims, be they hideous child trolls or nasty children's party magicians, are a wonderful bunch of grotesques.
In the end though it is the writing here which is so accomplished. The best authonomy books make it all look so very, very easy--the literal equivelants of Sinatra's voice. This is most certainly amongst them and stands as a very accomplished work.

THE INCREDIBLE LAYLA MOON:

James,

The names you give your characters and the maternity home and all the other establishments are enough to split your sides, and the tears of laughter have to wiped away from your eyes before you can carry on reading. Once dry again you keep scrolling down, entranced by the impeccable syntax and rhythm of your prose.

This roller coaster of a read is breath-taking in its richness of word-power, description, humour and fast moving action. Every sentence is a gem. The comedy and the black humour and the casually thrown in erotic references are mixed in with astute characterisation and exquisite detail of place and setting.

I would like to curl up on a soft sofa with this book and a large slab of chocolate and a bottle of pink champagne, and not move until I finish it.

Backed. Backed. Backed.

Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

This is brilliant. It is one of the most entertaining book I have read here. Your humor and wit shines through and I am in awe at the lack of dialogue and the brilliance of your narration. Even the eroticism wasn't overdone and thankfully indirect. The characters, their names, their deeds had me in stiches. Extremely tongue in cheek, fluid, sharp and original.
I may just read this again. Backed.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Refreshing and imaginative, unique and yes, a bit naughty...this novel has one huge thing going for it: no, not that---an element of surprise. Because it is constantly surprising, with its peppery prose and moments of humor, with its descriptions and commentary. The backstory of Mary and Joseph (although I think the names are too overt--what about Mary and Joe?) is like a freight train in its pace, details popping up like crazy. But I was firmly seatbelted in and willing to take the ride. Have to give credit when something is this original and well-written. You certainly have a vision and probably the chops to take it to the end. Wonderful.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

I get my readings from the Pitch Me which is where I found you, but I wasn't going to read this since it was erotica. Then I read the last line of your pitch and died laughing. So here I am......

Interesting piece of writing. Like I said, not my type, but if it were it would appeal to what it is supposed to appeal to (although I didn't go any deeper than 1).
--emarie
Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

First chapter read! I honestly can't think of much to pick at here. It's so well written, there's a tad too many adjectives but then that vastly contributes to its humour and style, it wouldn't be the same with less. The description is very inventive and thorough, which again provides brilliant comedy.

I challenge anyone who open this book and not hook from the first few paragraphs

Whoever wrote this book, I like your craftsmanship

high stars

This book has it all; it is funny, twisted, bizarre, delightful, sexy, beautifully written and imaginative. I thoroughly enjoyed it. High stars from me.
Violet Ivy

One of the best opening chapters I've read on Authonomy. I laughed out loud esp. in the para starting, "Her first appearance in the small..." I think it was 'Saint Vagina' that got me. Had me laughing like a drain.

This is funny, sexy, wry and wicked. Loved it. Probably could do with a slight edit down, but that's about it. Would love to read more, but I should really get back to my own writing. I hope to revisit it soon.
I can see why Whoster recommended it in his thread tonight, you have similar styles and preoccupations!

6 stars from me, and I'll keep it on my WL for a backing if a space becomes available.
All the best,
Sharda.
P.S. No need to return the read, I've got my medal already and the next novel isn't ready yet!

The Incredible Layla Moon sets out its satirical stall from the outset, poking a sharp stick into the places where guff and hocum masquerade as various supposedly-serious forms of spookology, or theology. The ludicrously obvious names are a particular comic joy, my personal favourites being Abercwmtwerp, St. Pomposa the Perfect and Angelo Brunelleschi (so talented at sculpture), making the spirit in which the book is meant to be read abundantly clear from the off. There are quite a few actual nits, which are easily edited out, but also one or two places where the narrative did not ring true even as caricature, such as the word 'hunting' seeming to refer to shooting (whereas in England 'hunting' can only ever be hunting, ie: with a pack of hounds streaming over the cream of the Quorn's finest Tuesday country, etc.); ditto the ridiculous riding garb description, which although very funny, somehow makes the scene suddenly feel a bit plastic and unknowing. These don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things, but one really sharp final read-through with a dispassionately disposed red pen could lift this eccentric tale into in the realms of serious satirical comedy in the grand manner, up there with Wodehouse, Stoppard and co. One final comment to make you go "Pah! What a fool this critter-person must be!", I don't think the current cover does it any justice at all, and I think eye-catching covers are hugely influential even to not especially visually-orientated people; but I love it anyway.

Just started reading this and will be reading the whole thing, comedic genius. Brilliantly and wittily descriptive, little segments within chapters and sidebars that just make reading it thoroughly enjoyable. Thank you!

I enjoyed chapter one, so far. It had me a bit befuddled as i read your so descriptive names, until i went back to the tags and saw the word, comedy. In a different state of mind, I'm now enjoying chapter two and loving it. The story is great, and your writing, flawless.
Six stars and on my shelf. :)
Diane

Brilliant! Loved it! Great writing, great humour and excellent characters....what more could you want?

Maria Gibbons
Past, Present, Future?

The Incredible Layla Moon.
By James Rainsford.


A chilling start to your story as Layla enters the world with all the ‘six’s’ taking a prominent place where the birth is concerned—we even have her conceivement being a connected for the same reason. Surely this can’t be a coincidence.
Joseph and Mary were well off and seen to it that their daughter, Layla wanted for nothing.
You describe well the trappings of luxury as they settle in as a family with the help of Ingrid Johansson, the au-pair.
I was taken aback with the death of Maurice, Joseph’s father, to find he was decapitated by a band - saw...a bit gruesome but it adds impact to the background of the story.
I liked how Layla’s parents, Chuck and Charlene at first looked down on Joseph until they found out he was a very wealthy candidate for their daughter’s hand...a typical change of heart.
You have good humour running through the book as well.
The description of Marcel-Pierre Poulet, the three star Michelin chef from Scunthorpe...I couldn’t stop laughing as you describe his previous experience. Even his wife, Beryl can see through him.
The sexual antics of Layla enhanced by the experience gained while at the convent, leaves nothing to the imagination of the reader—you do it so well.
I really do like the humorous side of the story, we almost forget that there’s a serious trend to it.
There’s never a dull moment throughout the book, I honestly love the way it’s written.
I have to leave it for the moment...time is late.
I intend to read it all however...It’s brilliant!
Loads of stars for now and well done!

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Hi James, I have thoroughly enjoyed your first three chapters. Your writing is fluid, your timing spot on and your humour splendid. In the midst of all this you have delivered some great characters and turned what could otherwise have been a cheesy backdrop into something that really works. I love the fact that things get darker as we move through the story and you have managed to create a great sense of anticipation. This is backed by me and I hope you do well. Please read Elastic Girl when you get a chance. All the best, Olivia

James, this really is fantastic, your character names, the black humour, the descriptions; everything is perfected! Have awarded six stars and would love to read more! In Layla you have created a fabulous bully, and I have no doubt that everyone who reads this will be intrigued, wondering what will she do next!
Honestly, I really enjoyed this, good luck with it! Effie.

The Incredible Layla Moon. Intriguing pitches - dont know if I'm brave enough to enter Layla's dark and demonic world, but am attracted by the entertaining comedy promise, so will give it a go.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind.

Love that quirky opening. But some words are better left out, and actually improve the flow by their absence. Try it with 'even' and 'also' in the second paragraph and see what you think. Others to watch out for: so (notorius), unfortunately, very, instantly, falsely, initially, immediately, quickly, just.

Love the names you've conjured up, but you dont need to tell the reader twice that the parents were ecstatic.
Do you really need the adjectives busy and familiar for the parents' social life? You show it well enough afterwards.
Maybe the build-up between Joseph and Mary goes on a tad too long - after all, this is meant to be Layla's story.... But that's only my opinion. What a little termagent she is.

I think I'll leave it at that.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

This is among the few things I call a good story!Well done and excellent! Definately star rated! I want to buy this and read more than once!
Josphine
Notime goes bye

Hi James.
Ive read the first half of your uploaded book, I was wondering, when did you encounter my younger sister?
You have made the most outrageous characters come across as so real, remarkarkable!
I don't want to like any of them, yet I can't help liking them.
This story (so far) is humourous, cheeky, jaw dropping and very difficult to put down. It's only time that's stopped me going on to chapter five. As soon as I have more, I'll be straight back. If Layla is this bad at five years old you must have some real treats in store for us.
I can't see a reason that this hasn't already been published. Your writing,editing and story line are all well polished. I found no errors or distractions.
I wish you all the best,
Pollyanna. 'Marsupeople'.

ComLit forum review (http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/90937/comlit/)
Well this has been a treat! Lovely use of the language and quintessential British humour. No real problems with it at all as it is very polished although there were a few places (most likely brought on by reading online) where some light dialogue would have aided the flow a little. However any such feelings soon disappeared with the next quirky bit of narration. Very highly stared and on “to back” list.
The following are the only things that I found that may need looking at.
Chap 1
- By the time she therefore, she was sixteen and on holidays….|| Therefore, by the time she was sixteen and on holiday with her unsuspecting parents, she was
Chap 2
- in the vain that hope his || the vain hope his
All the best with it - I shall it closely.
Cheers
Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of Time

Different, interesting and written with a confident, pacy style.
But, sadly perhaps, not my cup of tea.

I'll give it a spin on my shelf soon, however, for the quality of writing.

Wishing you lots of luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hi James, here are my thoughts on your book:

Chapter 1-Although initially humourous with the funny names and titles, I found the plot jumped around some. Then the story gets juicier and thus easier to follow and begs you to read on!

Chapter 2-I love the part where the baby made the water boil! Hilarious! The cross disappeared in the devil cake! Funny! I could read on and on, this is marvellous stuff! I will rate this a 6 and proudly back it. Well done!

What a great idea for a story! I loved how you put comedy in your book! I loved it and I can't wait to read more.
Thanks,
Scott

Amazing story James!
I was sure I had read it before and as soon as I read the first couple of chapters I knew then I was right. But I had to read it again, and so I read the first three chapters.
.
The Incredible Layla Moon, is well written with brilliant descriptions. This is the kind of humour I can't resist. Mary Moon is a great character herself, and her antics keep the reader engrossed in the story for the first couple of chapters, and just the thought of what is coming next, exites and ushers the reader on.
The humouress similarities eg with names - Mary and Joseph, and the 666, all bring the story alive.
I look forward to reading more about the incredible Layla Moon - by the way it's a great title too.
One very minor mistake I noticed early in chapter one, you spelled convent as covent.
Good luck with this, I think it's great.
6 stars. youre backed.
Junetee(Four Corners)

Some great ideas and excellent names, but I think it misses out on 'fast-paced' by having too much description. Personally, I would cut some adjectives and tighten it up a bit, but then perhaps I'm an ass...

James,
I was drawn into the story from the beginning by your use of amusing names, titles, and use of alliteration (Hexagon Heights Hotel in Kailua Bay - I live there and don't know the place). I see and enjoyed the use of humor juxtaposed into this unfolding story and was intrigued Layla's exploits.
I agree with Briercat in that there is so much you have to say, the details begin to cloud the real story. For example: Joseph and Mary (funny) had a daughter Layla. You took us around the barn several times telling us how this happened when most of us understand the biology. I am not saying that their meeting and eventual marriage was not an interesting read, it just was more than I wanted to know. I understand this because I am a recovering over-detailed writer whose greatest criticism has been to back off and let the reader bring some imagination into the experience.
You have a wonderful writing style filled with humor, witticism, and knowledge. For my preference I like to remember what I was told by a publisher several years ago,.."remove everything that does not move the story forward..." And where I don't follow her advice to the letter, I keep it in mind when I start to bloviate.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy

Your novel has an intriguing beginning, making me want to read further. Unfortunately, after that I found too much telling and not enough showing. For example, Smokey's funeral is an example of good telling - we get the details and can imagine ourselves there. However, for much of what is posted here, I feel as if I am a great distance away from this story and being told about it at second or third hand. I think it could be much more powerful if you were to think of it as a sensurround movie and describe what we might see and experience on the screen, as well as taste, smell, feel.

I like that she has a Swedish nurse like "The Seventh Seal."

I think I might just publish this if I were a publishing person though, without even reading anymore of it. "This is good enough? People might like this. This is good enough. It's likely brilliant."

Unfortunately your last published book is probably less-exposed than this book is--this having been uploaded to "Authonomy." "We sent out 30 press release emails, and 3 periodicals did reviews, and then 4 people bought the book, because the one guy said it was the best book he'd ever read in his history of reviewing books."

This had me laughing from start to end.

I have to agree with the comments from Lemony Good. Layla Moon has too many reminiscenses of "The Omen" with a mixture of "Monte Python" humor (or humour) when it comes to spiritual matters. It definately is something for adults only, and only those with a sense of humor (or humour again :-)
Had to back it.
Thanks for writing this James.
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

I liked this, very funny right from the start. Added to watch list

hahah love your last quote about a book being a mirror:)

I like the look of this, adding to Watchlist

I have just finished reading the 8 chapters of your wonderful manuscript and I have to say it is one of the funniest, creative things I have ever read.
I love the synisism and corruption of the catholic church but especially the names. Having relations in Wales I found your place names enchanting. It truly is one of the funniest books I have ever read and will be first in line when the book is published to buy a copy. Sheer Genuis Kind Regards Jacqueline. My book Superfly isn't as funny but you may enjoy the creativity and the characters. Good luck

Hello James,
Ch.1
I don’t like single-sentence paragraphs and sentences that are so long. It takes my breath away and makes for a harder than necessary reading level. Some are six or more lines long!
Some words need hyphens – e.g. half-blood, self-mortification, etc.
Chapter ends in mid-sentence.
Ch.2
Unlikely that the au-pair would prepare the tea for somebody as rich as Joseph. He would have had other servants to maintain such a large house and probably a chef too.
Chapter ends in mid-sentence.
Amusing to a degree but told rather than shown and almost completely lacking in dialogue. It’s acceptable to do injury to humans in a comedy and perhaps being cruel to nasty insects but graphically describing the torture and killing of the cat is both abhorrent and disgusting – that made me stop reading and knocked a couple of stars off your rating. Pity because I thought there was a lot of potential in the story.
I hope you’ll take a look at one or more of my books and comment on it/them too.
Best wishes, Charles Dyer (Mach100)

I have to admit I was blown away by the humour and imagination in this story.
Mary is an amazing character, and I enjoyed reading every moment of her unusual and almost erotic upbringing, which I found bizarre because in such circumstances I would have thought I should be feeling sympathy for her after being abused in such a ghastly way. However this story is not about abuse, and it has been skillfully written away from the grim realities of life and is packed with humour of the most playful kind.
I love the Joseph/Mary idea, and the demonic daughter. I have only read a small amount of the book but would love to know what eventually becomes of Layla Moon. Maybe when I have a little spare time.
This is definitely a book I would buy and one I will back as soon as I get some free space. 6 stars.
Junetee(Four Corners)

This is brilliant, I haven't been able to read it all but I can't wait until I can sit down and finish it. I love the characters, I love how their backgrounds were explained so I could understand them better as people. You're a fantastic writer.

i;'ve finished your first chapter. your narrative voice is dark and distinct. the combination of sexual titillation, deviance and abuse with catholicism is particularly cringe-worthy. the read is smooth and original. i don't really have any suggestions.
thanks for the read.

Wow have you spent a lot of effort fleshing out this first chapter. I agree with Lemony Good...I too thought this would be more like all the rest of the Satanic works pieces, but nope...the humour is so thickly woven into each sentence and your use visual metaphors was wonderful...I like how you pulled in all the relationships between M & J in Bible!

This is going to raise some hell!

Cheers,
Dwayne

I read your first chapter.

General comments: A hilarious start. A wonderful ensemble of offbeat characters. Abundant wit. Vivid imagery. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... entered the world at precisely 6.00am on June 6th 1966. '6.00am' should be '6.00 a.m.' or, better yet, 'six a.m.' There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) Hyphenate 'well equipped.'
3) 'Due to the tragic early death of his father Maurice, ... ' Comma after 'father.'
4) ' ... stunningly beautiful Carmelite novice on a years teaching exchange ... ' Years (plural) should be year's (possessive).
5) ' ... when The Sherman's issued their invite ... ' No need to capitalize 'The.' Also, Sherman's (possessive) should be Shermans (plural).
6) 'Like a waterfall of golden rain' is cliche. Consider writing the same image, but in a fresher way.
7) 'Are you going to take me for an exciting ride Joseph?' Comma after 'ride.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
8) ' ... using the large cream alter candles, ... ' 'Alter' should be 'altar.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and keep it in mind when you next reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

A very interesting read. You characters' names are humorous and well-conceived. There is an element of magical realism in here that I really enjoyed and a rollicking comic element to the story. You are a great storyteller, and you descriptions are lush and evocative. Your pitch drew me in and while the story was not what I expected at all it certainly kept me interested and turning pages!

- Bunderful

Very stylish, and far more importantly - very funny reading. Time constraints stop me reading beyond first chapter, but highly entertaining stuff.

Very short comment.

Dark, filthy and spinning with brilliance, this Tantric (?) comedy romps through a carnal repertoire redolent of the Marquis de Sade or, softly, Emmanuel. And then dives hilariously into the absurd bathos of the Munsters.
And what names! Young Pillaster, for one. Priapic could've been another. Am amazed at the sexual longevity of your characters, or it endurance?
I was amused by the climax that afforded sister Raffaella that omniscient, and benign view of the universe.
It is erotic, yes, but back-lit by legend, makes the thing utterly wicked.
From the beginning this tale knows where it's headed, with a feast of descriptions.

A couple of things: loads of shes and hes. Names named? Also, chap 2. Mary and Joseph .... 'their' married life could simply be married life, as you offer another 'their'. These are so minor, but I did notice them, so maybe they would nag a bit, later on.
Born to write, because you do it so unselfconsciously. But where to go from here?

Billie

yeah, I heard that: on my shelf for now.

This is written in a professional manner with strong characters and colorful prose. There’s a lot of background at the onset. I usually prefer action first, but the background does make for a compelling story.

You have a tendency to position long, run-on sentences one after the other. It’s a little exasperating to read at times. There’s nothing wrong with mixing in a few sentences with more simple structures to give the reader a break. Every paragraph doesn’t have to be a single long sentence.

I like the humor, especially about the nun teaching the girl toe masturbate. I don’t think this rises to the level of erotica, but it’s certainly adult humor. Then it turns into a dark comedy at the end of chapter 2.

I enjoy the premise of your story and the characters. I’m happy to back it.

Brian
Mute

Found this book on the shelf of another author I like and so very glad I did! Love the name of the MC! Absolutely hilarious - enjoyed every word of it. On my WL and will add to my bookshelf very soon.

We really need more clever books with such pizazz. Yours is one such book and deserves more recognition!

Loved the dark comedy and wanted it on my shelf! I know this comment lacks meat, but I haven't read far yet....

Just started reading and about to cuss out my computer for starting do die on me. I love the comedy and pointing out. Putting on my Bookshelf for sure

hello James ' The incredible Layla moon

read chunks of this great book some 105 days ago and gave it a six star read
on reading more, nothing has changed my mind in any way, its good very good
one of the better ones on site
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

A bit of The Pearl and The Monk. The Victorian style moves to slow for my taste. With all the word play in place I read a good foundation for rewritting. If you insist on spreading it thick with Mary and Joseph and 666, try and sharpen the humor with a better cutting edge. Indulge in originality.

The Incredible Layla Moon
Critiquing work sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph may well be necessary but it takes the enjoyment out of reading a good story. This is why I do not do it, I do not profess to be a literary critic, however I do comment on books I like and I really like this one.
This is a delightful read. Succinct humour assaults you in every paragraph. First there are the echos of the Magdeline homes and then we are assailed by the beginnings of evil delivered as only children can deliver.
We are all with Layla as she grows and despite her traits we are strangely drawn to her.
Brilliant piece of writing James, please add more soon.
On my WL and soon to be on my shelf.

Phil

I read the comments before I read the first chapter. I was worried by the high praise. I was right to be worried! Sorry this ones not for me!

James,
I backed your fine book, THE INCREDIBLE LAYLA MOON. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND

Hi,

The soul of humour is ever so evident in this tightly written social satire. You've kept the paragraphs precociously brief so that one reads on and on without drudgery. The book is a bold essay on how hypocritical human beings are and if one were to do some soul searching, one would realize how shameful human existence has been.
So many social lessons pop up as one reads each chapter and it would be wise to ponder and look into oneself after each episode.
You would want to add the remaining chapters and I shall be glad to read them.
For now I have starred and backed it.
All the best
Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

This is delicious. Only read 1 Chapter so far, but hooked already.
Great opening with the 666 references, then the promise of 'subsequent deeds'. Love the names in the hospital, the casual erotic references and of course, Mary and Joseph.
Can't wait to read more, and backed with pleasure.
If you get a chance have a look at What Lies Within
Thanks and good luck
Audrey