Sin City Vampires, Forbidden

I loved it, just my kind of thing of course and I don't care what they say, you can never have to many vampires or their stories! Good Luck E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Wonderful work, far more than a Twilight knock off, you apply an intelligent mind to the vampire myth and bring it closer to the line of fiction and reality. Brilliantly done, and backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Dear Brttani

I backed your book this moring. This is superb writing that i surely believe yAs will go for. Stong and suspenseful. Keeps the reader tagged.

The Lord of the Dawn.

Dear Brittani,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hey Brittani, all looks right now in the world of Chapter 7! Very enjoyable read, that chapter. And very hot!

I picked up a bit of symbolism right at the end of Chapter 7, "...no way to escape the hold Cage now would ceaselessly have over me." Cage has her caged. ;)

Amy
x

I like this story. It flows well for me, and the writing is good. One thing I noticed in chapter 7, about a third of the way down is that "Chapter 7" repeats but seems to interrupt the dialogue. I'm not sure what, if anything, is missing as a result of this, but you might want to take a look and see.

Best of luck and shelved,

Amy
Love Match

Sin City Vampires, Forbidden
Brittani Alisa

Vampire stories seem to be the craze at the moment and there seems to be a good market for the ones which stand out. You have a nice, well crafted plot with the thriller/romantic hooks to keep your reader engaged. (Small nit - you should go through your long pitch carefully as there are quite a few spelling and punctuation issues to resolve.) I enjoyed your writing style - Faith is a likeable MC and easy to warm up to. Wishing you well in finding a publisher Brittani. You have a wonderful imagination reflected in the details fo your writing.
Best,
Zan

There is a typo in your pitch that I would correct as a matter of urgency. 'Victims' not 'victuals', 'murderers' not 'murderer's', 'rapists' not rapist. I'm sorry to be picky but the pitch is the first thing we/agents/publishers read. The thing is, I think you have a good potential story and it's a commercial premise.
Backed for promise
Carl
The time hunters

In chapter two, I like how Faith is almost like a super-hero, or like Robin Hood.
Though she cannot contain the fact that she needs to feed, though, it may make her feel like a monster; she tries to preserve her human side by being compassionate towards the innocent, praying only one "bad" people.

MaidenJapan
Avenger's Pathe.

In the first paragraph, you say it has been three months that she has been a vampire but in the last paragraph you say four months.
Just wondering if a month has passed while she gave us the low-down on how she became a vampire.

MaidenJapan
Avenger's pathe

The first chapter is perfect, it sets the mood, drew me in and begged me to continue reading.
I really like this line, "I'm alone in the darkness, unable to breath in enough oxygen satiate my comfort, no longer able to hear the steady thrums of my heart. I listen again; Silence."

On top of that, I absolutely adore vampire novels.

MaidenJapan
Avenger's Pathe

[thank you for returning my backing. T ☼☼☼☼☼]

The opening sentence is very strong. After just a few sentences I’m into the vampire plot promised in the pitch. Her introduction to her new life by Cage is very well told. By the end of chapter one I want to read more. I’m hooked. Chapter two is even better. The description of her night’s hunting and the interior dialogue is perfectly done. The descriptions vivid and satisfying. I’m in to read on hook line and sinker!

I did notice an alarming number of errors in chapter two. I’m detailing a few of them, in order, here—Like cheating husbands or wife’s (wives. You even have it right in the next sentence!)—a few gestures that they makes (make)—I know vampires are different then humans (than)

I’m backing this, and I’d be grateful if you can find time to read Bokassa’s Last Apostle and consider returning the favour, if you like it, of course.

How nice that she didn't want to seduce the detective in the bathroom of the nightclub . . . his blood deserved only the best.
Backed yesterday. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Well you got me to read on, that is a great start. I like where your going with this. The line in the first paragraph. 'Vampire's don't need one.' feels out of place to me, might consider 'I don't need one.' Let the reader figure out why and stay in first person like the rest of the paragraph. Just a little nit. I would have spent more time reading this in the bookstore which is the best compliment I can give you as a fellow reader (not an editor :). Good stuff.

D. J. Weisbeck
A. Little Odyssey and the Dream Catcher

Dear , I love that your story has science fiction, thriller, romance. :) Your chapter 7 letter is so sweet. :) This is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

This is refreshingly different to other vampire books on the site, don't usually like the first person POV but to be honest found yours worked wonderfully.
Great descriptive writing about what it's like to be a vampire.

Great work and a pleasure to read.

Happily shelved
Melxx

Faith's first person POV makes this story stand apart from other vampire tales. I like being inside her head as she relates the story about what it's like to be a (new) vampire in Las Vegas. Your writing flows and your characters rock. Well done. Backed.

If you don’t have an agent yet, stick with it because they’re watching this site. You never know what might happen… (See my profile)

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

You have a different slant here on the popular Vampire theme. Faith can't remember when she was human, but she knows she once was, and she desperately wants to remember, so that she won't lose all her human feelings and become completely uncaring. She only remembers lying unable to move, with her back broken, and being turned into a Vampire by Cage, who saved her life by this means; and she feels gratitude to Cage for saving her; but she feels that each time she acts as a Vampire, she becomes more and more a monster. You describe what it feels like to be a Vampire in great detail, from the inside, as Faith tells us how, ' I let my hunger and instincts take full control, then I became a part of the night; I hunted.' This is impressive writing, and your plot is one of interest to your target YA audience. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Hi, Brittani -

Backed.

Sure, we're pretty inundated now with vampire books, stories, movies and TV series. But in a field cluttered with look-alike and sound-alike stories, your plot, characters and storyline really stand apart.

Best of luck here, and I'd love it if you could take a look at my book.

Thanks. Good stuff, Brittani.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

You must be aware that there are a tonne of books in the vampire genre on here. So I give a fair percentage of them a wide berth. When they are well written and bring something extra they make it to my shelf. yours is one of those that was above the rest of the milieu - how you must hate all those badly written vampire books cashing on twilight and turning people off the genre completely. I sympathise, but I praise for making this more of a thriller. Though I think you might want to swap Sci-Fi for fantasy in your genre tags.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is a great spin on the vampire genre and a very exciting story. You've got some wonderful characters and I really found myself loving this book! I think you've got something special here. The pace if perfect for a thriller, it keeps the pages turning. Best of luck with your book.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Seems we have a bit in common! :) Great writing, captivating and enthralling! Happy to show support on my shelf.

Brittany
My Last Notes

Everytime I promise myself I won't read any more vampire stories... I can't help myself. This one is very good and unique. (Something else I keep saying isn't possible).

Nice pace and storytelling.
(Capitalize Faith in your short pitch!)

Shelved
Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

Congrats - you have managed to write a totally unique vampire story - so many are on this site and this is my very favorite so far! Well done and BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Brittany, this is good, imaginative writing. There are so many vampire stories, it's easy to get a little complacent about them. That would be a mistake, in the case of your story. This is quite different from most.
Backed with best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Vampyres are portrayed as cold, distant, and foreboding in most stories of this genre. I therefore like the search for lost humanity that your MC shows. You might like to have Cage give her a name. And whilst you have named her Faith in your short pitch it would be a good idea to have the name come up at least by the end of ch 2. Every other character is identifiable even the cat has a name..yet i can't find any mention of one for the MC or perhaps I missed it. I read only ch1 and 2. That was sufficient to see where this was heading and an enjoyable read thus far.

You need to have her name begin with a capital letter in your pitch. This is the very first thing a reader sees and it needs to be error free.

I will be back later to read more...I look forward to it. Backed.
Suzannah Burke
Dudes Down Under

What an imaginative story. Good characters. Good setting. Placing this in Vegas was inspirational (do you know there's another book here titled Zombies in Canada?). Enjoyed the read a lot. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt ).

I see that you are on many shelves but no one has bothered to comment you, so that honor will be mine, being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator