Book Jacket

 

rank 5846
word count 12360
date submitted 04.04.2010
date updated 22.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction
classification: universal
incomplete

In Union Swift Rupture

Jared Hope-Johnstone

A strife of opposites rattles the world of the future. Four characters long for escape only to find furious Dark Energy lying in wait.

 

What is the most important thing in the universe? The peoples of the future think they know. They’d tell you the forces of attraction and repulsion rule everywhere and there’s no higher truth. But which force is stronger? Think hard before you answer. Getting it wrong might get you killed.

It’s 2241. The world has known only peace for over a century. In Rohr Switzerland a bizarre act evokes a strange fear. The town’s new administrator Lincoln de Guise investigates. A hidden savagery reveals itself.

Helene von Mayr is sent to Barcelona to report on the meeting of two new cults. Calamity throws her into the company of a gullible outsider. It’s the first time Simon Lafont has been outside his Commune. Horror-stories have sent him hurrying to Spain. He must see for himself the perverse ideas at loose in the world.

Lombo Niall is a convicted criminal in a world without crime. Is it a jailor or liberator who arrives in Rohr with a promise of freedom? It’s a black Orb the size of a fist. Extremist Expansion is its mantra and it comes with the gift of never-ending storm and glory.

 
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adventure, future, metaphysics, philosophical fiction, philosophy, science fiction, space

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Two months had passed and Lombo lived as he always had.  No Constables from Authority visited him.  The Orb hadn’t reappeared.  He travelled about Rohr without hindrance or recognition.  No one questioned him or cried out felon as he walked by.

He travelled again to different points across the globe.  He kept himself discreet and out of trouble.  His situation had gone unchanged since the Orb’s visit and he didn’t know what to make of it.  He no longer dared hope he’d been forgotten.  The Orb would certainly haunt him afresh.  The longer time lapsed the more suspicious he grew.  What had seemed complacent and safe became amiss.

The town of Rohr he began to loathe.  Its people, who’d been indifferent, now appeared too indifferent.  The more he watched them, the more exaggerated seemed their attempts to ignore him.  There was a conspiracy in the town and he’d almost recognized it too late.

Amidst his more recent trips, he could no longer doubt it.  He knew what entity moved against him.  He suspected the townspeople were its agents.  He looked into their black pupils and saw its presence.  Those little, bulbous spy-holes followed his every move.  They were reporting on him.  The black Orb had spies in the hundreds.

Increasingly, he just kept to his property, constructing more and more sheds.  He didn’t yet have a specific need for them, but he continued nonetheless.  His property was too empty and devoid of purpose with just his house.  He wanted to create a compound, a testament to his berth in the world.

Sheds of different sizes sprung up all over his land.  His was a kingdom of metal.  He ruled over a city of iron, free of persons.  No maggots would ever abide there.  The world would find him in his keep, the king of steel. 

There were many times in the night he was certain the Orb had been there.  He would awaken convinced it had been hovering over him.  But whenever he opened his eyes he found his room empty.  He would yell at it to show itself, but it never did. 

Any inexplicable movement on the periphery of his vision jolted him.  It was so small it could materialize from nowhere.  The inside of his home he began to detest.  There were too many nooks from which it could instantly pounce.  The house was old; it creaked and groaned incessantly.  Most he knew, but any new sound sent him up from where he sat.

Then one morning he awoke to the sound of construction outside.  He peered down from his window and found a contingent of Automata hard at work.  Heavy machinery was being brought in.  Before long, massive cones began pulverizing into the soil.  Great earth-tearing claws scraped large sections of his land away.  He stormed out, placed himself in their midst and shouted obscenities at them for what they did.

But they took no notice.  Their traffic was too dense, the Automata blurs.  There wasn’t one he could isolate to feel the brunt of his anger.  Their continuance despite his forceful stance, as if he were some irrelevancy, infuriated him.

He raced back into his house for his hammer, returned and began taking swings at them.  There was nothing sly about his approach and he missed each time.  Just one he managed to dent.  This Automaton in response, like some blind and bobbing jellyfish, extended one of its tentacles and stung him.

There was no sign of injury except for a small burn mark, but he held his right arm as if it had been severed in two.  Defeated, he picked up his hammer and went warily away.  He retired from the construction site, threw it in disgust and sat with his head in his hand.

From that point onward, he kept to his lawn and watched from there what was being done to his property.  He abandoned his own construction plans.  They now seemed futile.  There was no point in labouring on something that might be dug up at some future date.

From where they’d arrived, he couldn’t guess.  They’d been obtained through the machinations of the Orb, certainly.  But for what he failed to see.  To torture him they could do in a fraction of the space.  His own home would suffice.  They didn’t need so much land to devour him from his mind.

Their work went on night and day.  In pitch dark, the metal tentacles of the Automata and the heavy arms of the giant digging machines could be seen, just barely, twisting and turning, feverishly delving into the earth as if on some obsessive drive to come out on the other side.

They would gleam tirelessly in the morning, the depths of their chasm that much greater.  As if proof of treasure, great concrete and metal structures began lining the bottom floor of their pit.  They were building a massive chamber and a series of smaller ones from what Lombo could tell.

From his spot on the lawn, he eventually inched closer, the rage in him quelling.  His tentacle-sting had proved effective in confirming his impotence.  They weren’t maggots to terrorize and crush.  These were machines of metal, impervious to fear and quite adept at restraining one man with no more than a hammer as weapon.

He forewent attacking them and even despising them, though his loathing for their master, be it Orb or Authority, still held firm.  As a great constructor himself, he was in the end taken in by the magnitude of their project.  They’d unearthed and clawed away with such unwavering thoroughness, he couldn’t but marvel at it.

It didn’t have the terrible beauty of a storm, but it was an orderly, mechanized version of one.  Once the land had been made barren for their use, they immediately began building anew.  Devastation followed by a reworking, remaking, that is what he saw in their work.

A week went by and it didn’t stop, though the end seemed nearer.  The chambers were finished, their walls smooth and black.  Retractable roofing was installed where the area was most open.  A layer of grass was laid on this and clearly for the purpose of concealment.

He stood amongst the Automata and watched it in operation.  The land would depress, or seem to.  In fact, a large section of ground would suddenly lower by half a metre then shift and slip under the rest of the lawn.  Revealed underneath was black concrete roofing with a thin slit running through it, dividing it in two.  This in turn would open and the massive chamber below was exposed to the sky.  The entire process was no more audible than a whisper and took but a minute.

Their digging had long ago stopped.  The chambers from his eye were for the most part complete.  One such chamber he noticed was attached to the basement of his house and would be accessible to his stairs.  It didn’t take long before the lawn around his house was completely restored.

Thereafter, there was no sign of any of their previous work.  The complex they’d constructed, like an iceberg, hid its true berth below and only his house, its tip, was exposed.  They so meticulously restored his property to what it had been he strained to point out discrepancies.  Then one day he awoke and all of them were gone. 

He went to his window and there was nothing to see.  It was as if something from the woods had come out and swallowed all of the machinery.  Then retreating back in continued hunger, it had devoured every last trace of them.  His land had been licked clean.

He crisscrossed his lawns and felt with satisfaction the earth underneath.  Only a short time ago he would have fallen and perished in some pit.  He stood in what had been the centrifugal point of their extensive operation.  Nothing of what they’d done was visible anywhere.  The product of their labour was hidden from view.  He turned in a complete circle and digested the implications of such deception.

Not for him certainly had such an elaborate mirage been made.  He’d been a daily witness to it all and knew the truth of the land’s hollowness.  But others, they were not to know of its existence. 

There was deceit in the world and it lay underneath him.  He knew not what it meant, but there was something sinister in it.  He could feel the darkness of it.  None of it was meant for his Rehabilitation.  This realization pleased him immensely.  It couldn’t be doubted now.  There was something bigger at play.  He was ignorant of what might come next, but he sensed black clouds forming.

He spent most of the day surveying his grounds.  The chamber that connected to his basement he tried to access.  He got no farther than a large featureless room and gave up after fumbling around in the dark.

Having discerned nothing more as to the project’s purpose, he decided to drop it from his mind.  He returned to the site of his own constructions and though knowing it might be one day levelled, he resumed his work just as before.  Whatever he did was just to keep himself occupied until the black Orb’s next appearance.

Several Automatons reappeared that night.  They flittered back and forth across his lawn for no obvious reason.  Their resurfacing, though, suggested something was afoot.  He decided he wouldn’t awaken to the Orb’s plans in progress, but would be there from the start.

He’d plant himself as sentry and keep vigil.  If the Orb came he’d be there waiting.  He’d sit defenceless, his desire for the moment gone to attack it.  He still hated it and was wary of its long-term designs on him.  But the inquisitor in him wanted to know more.

His only hope was to be seen as an ally.  He couldn’t rack the Orb.  It had no human form to abuse and from which he could uncover hidden truths.  He’d have to present himself as submissive and pliable, open to the Orb’s formulations.  Once in good graces, he would probe and know to the best he could all operations imminent.  There was too much peculiar and curious for him to leave as is.  His mind, once so fearful of being devoured, now hungered of its own.

The night was clear and the stars so bright there was much he could see of his grounds.  With that night sky as background, he watched the Orb come.  Instead of hovering over him as it had done before, it came behind his right shoulder and remained there.  He waited for it to address him, supposing some speech was forthcoming.

A great shadow then descended and covered much of his property.  He looked up and saw a large vessel hovering just above.  It was dark and otherworldly.  He’d never seen its type before.  It was like a dagger in shape, its edges sharp.  In fact, it was so like a knife it seemed a giant murderous weapon.

He saw its potential for being red-soaked, its tip stained.  By its size, it could sustain a hundred men on a long extra-terrestrial jaunt.  He didn’t doubt it was meant for space travel.  Its superiority destined it for far more than shuttling between earthly sites.

On cue, the concealing patina of grass depressed and slid away.  The great concrete doors opened.  The ship descended slowly into the chamber.  The entire process was near silent.  The chamber doors closed and the grass slid back.  The undulating form of his lawn was restored, the night returned as it had been.  There was no proof except his own eyes as witnesses to its arrival and submersion.  What had come to his home was now swallowed and no one in the world would be any the wiser.

This has been brought here for you, Lombo Niall, said the Orb.  The ship is vital to our immediate objectives and to stratagems more long-term.  It is of an unparalleled technology.  Once in it, we will be unstoppable.

“And where are we to take it?”

Wherever the storm takes us.  We bring the storm, you and I, Lombo Niall and it will carry us where it may.

“When am I to leave?”

Not for the moment, it replied.  There are elements not yet in motion.  For these, we must wait.

“And what are these?”

They are different winds.  They are to add to the storm and are of importance to it.  I will come and I will go.  With each return the momentum builds.  Throughout the world we have foot soldiers that march to our will.  They will beat and grind into the earth our enemies.  They are the tornado’s edge, its blade.  They will revolve around our core and lash out at the world in our path.

Soon will come the time of swift rupture.  Union and order will end.  That which binds will be smashed and the energy from it will propel all things outward.  The wind of the universe is at our backs.  We bring the universal storm.

Expansion comes to times present; Expansion comes in revenge.  The force of attraction has held too long a sway.  We are agents of Expansion and have come to kill Contraction in all its forms.  We bring with us a time of tumultuousness, of Dark Energy.  Vying and conflict, we bring the never-ending tempest.

 

Chapters

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Bflo Beau wrote 368 days ago

this is one book that steps out a little far for my taste, but it is well scribed. Others surely will enjoy it immensely.

Neville wrote 369 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture.
By Jared Hope-Johnstone.


I felt that Lombo Niall was quite indifferent to the normal way of thinking that the Zurich population were accustomed to. As if he shouldn’t be there, in that period of time.
The judiciary appear to accept violence as an antiquated, unheard of act in the society of the day.
I like the way the Orbs keep control of all or any miss-deeds that may crop up—cheaper than a police force.
It goes further than the usual book of Sci-Fi, it’s deeper and the time element is interesting.
Both pitches are okay and the prologue mind bending—great stuff!
I thought the book cover could be better...just my own thoughts, it needs to make its mark on a potential buyer.
I didn’t notice any errors while reading.
Have only read the first chapter at the moment.
Like the storyline and will read more later, but for now—star- rated high!!

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The time Zone.


RossClark1981 wrote 660 days ago

- In Union Swift Rupture -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

This is very good. I can't usually get into books set in the future or the sci fi genre generally but there was something of the detective novel in what I read here too that gave it more of a grounding I could hold onto. Even the opening, with the mysterious woman entering the office with a problem and a case to be solved - something of the Raymond Chandler in that.

I also thought of Alisdair Gray as I read. Those orbs are quite similar to the floating videocams in A History Maker and the recorder thingy in Lanark.

The Appendices and contributor's notes also reminded me of the set up of my favourite novel, The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner, in which editor's notes introduce the narrative. So I was on a pretty good run of asociations throughout IUSR.

It's quite dificult for me to comment on any specifics. From what I read, the manuscript appears to be highly polished and tight. I could perhaps have a crack at the pitch though. I would say the pitch deals with overall themes in the book rather than the content. The plot appears to be an extremely good one so I'd prefer to see more of that, as well as the characters, in the pitch. I imagine that would attract a greater readership, which the book deserves.

I would only make one stylistic note: now and then there are sentences which might appear 'empty' for the reader. What I mean the is that there is a use of words which I imagine the reader might struggle to create images with. For example, in chapter two we have "Inescapable and discomfitting rememberances down dark paths best avoided but perpetually underfoot, this and the reesurgance of past habits long thought dead." That kind of led me out of the narrative for a bit as I struggled to visuale the lengthy metaphor. I could just be a bit of a Philistine though....

Overall though, I found this very good indeed, extremely imaginative and with a great use of plot. On my 'to be shelved' list for sure.

All the best with it,

Ross

Nigel Fields wrote 853 days ago

Hi Jared,
I was completely submerged from the beginning. I read the first two chapters with my morning coffee and imagine I'll be thinking about this throughout the day. Very well polished. I intend to read more soon.
Regards,
JBC

Andy M. Potter wrote 942 days ago

Hi Jared, great fictional premise: the dance of expansion and contraction. strong and intriguing MC.
on my shelf.
the intro is fascinating and very well-written, as is the prologue. as some other commenters have found, i like your action better. just a thought: i understand the placing of the intro, but perhaps condense it?
very best, andy

Sharahzade wrote 992 days ago

IN UNION SWIFT RUPTURE
Jared Hope-Johnstone

I think your prologue is fascinating. However, Chapter One begins with your setting the scene rather than some sort of action or dialogue to grab me and sweep me away. I feel if you were to begin with Paragraph Six, that would do the job nicely. All the rest could easily fit in at the end of Chapter One in retrospect giving us more of an idea of the setting. Just my take on beginnings. Action always captures us.

I backed this story based on your pitch. I felt it involved the promise of a peek into the future and the unknown. This is always mysterious and exciting. Until we find the secret of time travel, this will always draw readers in to explore with you. I am eager to read on and see where you lead in this tale. Well done, Jared.

Many thanks for backing A King in Time.

Mary Enck

DMR wrote 996 days ago

Rohr is instantly likeable and I found myself quite immersed in your story from chapter one.. the premise is certainly intriguing and I will look forward to reading more - this is polished and compelling - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

paperbat wrote 1000 days ago

Jared.
Enjoyed several chapters. First chapter was cleverly donw using lots of discussion / banter, which gets the reader relaxed with the characters. Later on , I noted that 'calmness was invaded by chaos' . This is a key part of your plot - so make sure you emphasis this. Excelent. Will back it.
Appreciate if you could look at a chapter [ch. 2 is representitive] or so of my short childrens' book ; Paperbat Adventures.
Jerry [paperbat]

CarolinaAl wrote 1004 days ago

An engaging, thought provoking science fiction story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Striking dialogue. Awesome world buiding. A pleasure to read.

Francene Stanley wrote 1005 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to reading more. The style is dry, which I assume goes along with the character.

I'm sure the reader will be interested to know what's causing the destruction of the trees.

The future tempts my imagination. I've written a trilogy with a writing partner about six characters living in the bottom part of England. But my story is about as different in style as it could be from yours. This is not the book that I've offered here on the site.

The Still Rock Water is about a woman who helps others in difficult situations through the power of a moonstone, while trying to find personal fulfillment. I'd love you to take a look. I'm backing your work. All the best.

Elijah Enyereibe Iwuji wrote 1006 days ago

Hi Jared,

Honestly, before you can delve into the subject of illusion with a clear understanding of what happens itherein in the great beyond, you must be a great metaphysicist and philosopher. Your choice of title is unique and captures the message in reality. You set a great imaginery skillfully crafted to bear the essence of a reality. This is a compellingly brilliant piece of well written work. I wish many will enjoy it the way I did. Goodluck.

homewriter wrote 1014 days ago

You are a metaphysical philosopher but I expect you already knew that! What a great concept for a novel Brilliant. Backed. Gordon. The Harpist of Madrid

nsllee wrote 1018 days ago

Hi Jared

I found this fascinating. It seems like science fiction, but there's something Kafkaesque about the exchange with the woman in the office and in fact about the prose style. Definitely worth a longer read. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Amy R wrote 1032 days ago

The banter of the first chapter is attention getting and I can't quite figure out why. (or I could be really tired...lol) It is unexpected I guess, but in a good way. It drew me and I kept reading...and reading.

Your pace, like the banter isn't slow as I expected. I moves rather rapidly which just sucks you in like a vacuum. The characters while as picturesque as the scenery are flawed making them very believable and grounded. They give the plot weight and enable it to resist becoming a tale or legendary.

I am enjoying this and I look forward to reading more when my eyes are not so tired :-)

Backed and enjoyed.

Amy R
Trust Me

andrew skaife wrote 1041 days ago

This is actually quite sublime as it rolls out.

From the pitch: " Getting it wrong might get you killed." It is a fantastic hook line. Excellent.

That section at the beginning with the three "Know that..." 's; something that would be noted as akin to Asimov's three laws of robotics; very clever.

Those exploding trees are both an expository dream and a metaphore in gold standing.

As a gifted sci-fi writer you paint more in prose than the majority, showing that you enjoy crafting in your writing.

BACKED with great pleasure.

tomkepler wrote 1041 days ago

I read the first chapter and then several others, including the chapter of Helene in the hospital. The tone of your story is seductive--that of order and calmness invaded by violence and chaos. You have done a good job of transmitting that sense of world gone mad. Backed.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon)
(Hope you get a chance to read my book. I've just gotten back from two weeks of vacation.)

Craig Ellis wrote 1046 days ago

Great hook in the beginning of the chapter, with the documentation of the Martian artifacts, and a good story line. Easy to read. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber'

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1048 days ago

I love science fiction, and your book is proof of why! Intriguing topic and universal truths are written with great care and intelligence. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Rusty Bernard wrote 1051 days ago

Hi Jared,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. I agree that you have a 'sound imagination'.

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation


Gauis wrote 1054 days ago

The people of the future migt be right

mvw888 wrote 1078 days ago

I found it to be an interesting combination--your careful and direct tone and the backdrop of these almost romantic scientific ideas. An intriguing start, definitely a dense and cerebral read, although I do think that you have enough story here to move things along. Excellent writing. A bit dry perhaps, but I think it works. I only looked at a few chapters, but I would hope that in later ones, the humanity of your characters is allowed to flower a bit. Great start, very interesting read.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Francesco wrote 1082 days ago

Thoughtful Sci-Fi is rare on this site...anywhere really, and this is such a class example of the genre!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book

Iva P. wrote 1086 days ago

Even though SciFi is not my cup of tea, I recognize good writing when I see it. This has all the makings of an intelligent thriller. I cannot help wondering whether In Union... is an allegory of the current world situation.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

J.S.Watts wrote 1088 days ago

I like what I've read so far

Wilma1 wrote 1089 days ago

Skilfuly crafted with a superb premise, its a page turner. I can add much more its already been said but a powerful piece of writing.

Sue Mackender

Knowing Liam Riley

Su Dan wrote 1090 days ago

fascinating subject. a world govenment, very interesting and scary; is it good or bad? good work...on wl...
su dan...read SEASONS...

jdub wrote 1090 days ago

Jared, enjoyed, good descriptions and language, story comes together at a pace which holds the reader, backed, john Warren Lasting Images, please review, jdub

Lara wrote 1092 days ago

This is extremely imaginative. OK - you expend much effort in fine-lining your characters but the Prologue showing the origin of your plot and its premise stuns. there are wonderful touches such as exploding trees and I'm sure if I read on I'd learn about horrific implosions. The idea of Barcelona's self-management is very appealing. Altogether, a most enjoyable, an impressive read. Hope you surge upwards and never inwards.
Rosalind
Good For Him

hkraak wrote 1094 days ago

IN Union Swift Rupture: Excellent! I'll admit, science fiction is not my thing, but I'm trying to branch out. Your writing is great and well polished. Best wishes with this!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

Grice wrote 1094 days ago

Jared,

I added this to my poli/philo/ideo forum list that I'm building. Hope you don't mind.

http://authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?forumId=13&threadId=55629&pageNumber=1&forum=true#AnchorPostId1382913

Esrevinu wrote 1095 days ago

jared, I read enough to know that you have many gems planted throughout. You have created an opening chapter that is both intriguing and cleaver
I am impressed with your level of writing
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

KW wrote 1095 days ago

"Rohr was a civilized and orderly place, so Lincoln had been told." A great opening sentence. I reminds me of the opening lines to a Dicken's novel until the part about Lincoln. From that clause, it's clear something far different from Dicken's is intended. Wow, "an actual visitor." Yes, yes, yes. "First, I'm educated to view Government as a blight on civilization. . ." Nice way to start a relationship. And trees are shattered. It's a force, a furious energy on the loose. Oh, the horror, the horror. "Could it be World Government wasn't entirely without use?" Hey, let's not go to extremes here, okay? Nicely done. I love this. I'll read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

speaksthetruth wrote 1097 days ago

a definite contender

Shakat wrote 1098 days ago

Well, I can't even remember how I stumbled across this but I appreciate that I did. You toss the readers into a futuristic world in every way, including the terminology, but without making it confusing. Based on what I've read so far, you've got great potential for a powerful science fiction. I try to write helpful comments but I do find on occasion I have nothing useful to say because an author is well beyond my level. You are one such case. Well done and good luck with In Union Swift Rupture.

I'm sure the title will make sense, but it's a bit of a mouthful. Just a thought.

And if you have any questions about Edinburgh, feel free to ask me. I'm Canadian, but I'm living in Edinburgh right now.

Shakat
Stand

Famlavan wrote 1099 days ago

Sorry it took so long to get back to you after my backing.
This feels to be an intelligently thought out book.
You have a great narrative however I did feel it was lacking a bit of descriptive sound.
However this is (to me) a fantastic intricate plot making it a great read. –Good luck

John OBrien wrote 1101 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture brings the reader into a futuristic world which seems to regard itself as having taken a step or two closer to utopia than we are at present, so much so that criminal and loutish behaviour seems such a rarity as to be quite shocking and remarkable when it occurs. Criminality has not been made a thing of the past but can be treated so effectively it would appear to be only a matter of time before it will be. But there are also those like Niall who seem to have defeated efforts to rehabilitate them. Administrator Lincoln, after the visit of the woman, is driven to get to the bottom of exploding trees, mysterious black orbs, the sinister and apparently villainous Niall and the crew of louts who seem to be his acolytes. And the reader too cannot help but be intrigued by these strange and unfathomable events.
I found all this fascinating and would be more than happy to read on thanks to the high standard of the writing and the scope and ambition of the premise. It may be set over two centuries in the future but it explores and probes quite adeptly the human condition at present. Thumbs up from me
John O'Brien - Other Face

zenup wrote 1102 days ago

Very interesting story. Weirdly, I'd just finished a short story on Tunguska - (externally) shattered trees - what are the odds of that. So your trees definitely got my attention. I think your book demands far more than most sci fi readers are used to giving, but it's so well written, I think you can carry it off. Backed.

A Knight wrote 1104 days ago

You have balanced the facets of writing with incredible accuracy to produce a believable, detailed and engaging piece of fiction.Your style is incredibly distinctive, dragging the reader right into the middle of this complex and incredible premise.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

eloraine wrote 1105 days ago

Imaginative and great, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blod Chronicles book one

alisdair wrote 1105 days ago

These days everybody tells you to write in short sentences, and be stingy with the adverbs. I like the fact that you fly in the face of this conventional wisdom. I've always enjoyed a more baroque style of writing. Your dialogue has a cadence to it, a kind of lyrical quality that flows from the page. It is charming to read such polite, elegant conversations set in a futuristic office. As if the characters had been transplanted from a Jane Austin novel, where everything must be just so, into a work of science fiction. Bravo! In Union Swift Rupture stands out from the crowd.

zan wrote 1107 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture
Jared Hope-Johnstone

I am not competent to critique science fiction (or anything else for that matter), but the first paragraph of your long pitch struck a chord - "Have you ever wondered what the most important thing in the universe is? The peoples of the future think they know. They’d tell you the forces of attraction and repulsion rule everywhere and there’s no higher truth. But which force is stronger? Think hard before you answer. Getting it wrong might get you killed." This sounds like profound stuff and an absorbibg story in which possibly the irrational forces of evil, as I perceive it, are investigated and explored? A good, intelligent plot always gets me hooked and this is what I think you have here. I like your ideas concerning the tale of the strife of opposites - seems to me you are using absurdities to illustrate your points - and I wonder who or what is the furious "Dark Energy"? Very stimulating indeed. I liked your writing style and you obvioulsy have a skill for characterisation. Without wanting to flatter - I must confess this seems to me to be a winner in the vein of some of the more highly acclaimed sci/fi books out there with real meat to them - Asimov, Blish, Dick and others would be proud. But what do I know?
Best in finding a publisher.
Zan

BJ Otto wrote 1109 days ago

The prologue was a great opening to get the brain working. Really interesting thinking in this one, I am looking forward to reading more. Best of luck. Backed

plip wrote 1110 days ago

'know then Contraction is the force attraction' - shouldn't there be an 'of' in there?
Your opening paragraph, especially the first sentence, is a bit of a clunker, and needs attention. Personally, I might start with something like 'A visitor, an actual constituent, came to call on Lincoln not long after his inauguration. The small World Government transition team had finally left Rohr --' Just a suggestion of course. I had to read the paragraph twice to understand what was going on - the name Lincoln together with 'Inauguration' had me momentarily in the wrong century and place.
I will come back and read more later, when time allows.
phil

Owen Quinn wrote 1111 days ago

You've obviously put a great deal of thought into this and worked this story out in your head. your characters are believable and each has their part ot play. It also touches on universal themes of how one train of thought can topple an empire and how the masses can frenzy over an idea they think can change their lives for the better and the social consequences that ensue. A deep read which gets into your head and makes you rhink.

lynn clayton wrote 1114 days ago

I can tell this will be a deep and intelligent book. The style of narrative is perfectly suited to its depth. It's a joy to read beautiful prose and such subtle and complex characterisation. Brilliant pitch, too. Backed. lynn

Andrew Burans wrote 1115 days ago

A very unique and compelling storyline showing a great deal of imagination and creative writing. Your character development is well done and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

DP Walker wrote 1115 days ago

Hi Jared
Obviously a lot of work has gone into researching and plannig this and I think it is quite an original idea. I did think you could use more dialogue and less prose in the early chapters to set the pace a bit more, but this is just my personal opinion. I think this has a professional feel to it and has all the makings of a 'classic'.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Bocri wrote 1115 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture has an opening reminiscent of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes tales or Charles Dickens's works. The style is not frivolous not even modern but does impart what I believe is the intended ambiance. The back references at the beginning of each chapter are exquisitely structured and revealing. I was intrigued, and impressed, by the author's use of a writing style from a previous era that readily reinforced the concept of a highly technical future. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

S Richard Betterton wrote 1115 days ago

I don't read a lot of Sci-Fi, but when I read something like this, it makes me think I should! The premise is fascinating and the writing polished. Being an English teacher and therefore a grammar and vocab stickler, the only doubts I have in ch 1 (and I say only doubts) are The woods is/are and satiate/sate. I'm not sure my oprion would necessarily be an improvement... So, with nothing else to add but praise, backed.

SusieGulick wrote 1123 days ago

Dear Jared, I love science fiction because you can go anywhere & do anything which your story does. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

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