Book Jacket

 

rank 57
word count 59563
date submitted 25.04.2010
date updated 16.03.2013
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Zamorna

Tina Rath

"Governesses never are heroines in a romance - perhaps that is just as well. If romantic heroines behaved like governesses there would be no story."

 

Vermilion Massingberd is eminently practical. She acknowledges that she is so ordinary as to be almost invisible, and she has very little choice in the way of career - but if she must be a governess she can comfort herself with the thought that at least she is getting away from her brother-in-law - and that she is saving most of her salary towards her chief ambition: retirement to a respectable lodging where she will have independence and the chance to indulge her hobby of reading sensational novels - even if she must obtain them from the circulating library.

But perhaps it was not very sensible to accept a post so very far from home and civilisation. And why was it important that she should not be easily shocked? - or easily frightened? And why has no one in the capital ever seen her aristocratic pupils?

And will her recommended method for dealing with ghostly apparitions - "I should pull the bedclothes over my head and hope very much that it would go away" - always work. Especially with upires. And worse.

And even the most practical lady can be betrayed by love...

 
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tags

alternative universe, comedy, fantasy, gothic, horror, romance, vampires, ya/adult cross

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CHAPTER ONE

Miss Vermilion Massingberd watched as her sister’s husband opened the morning’s post. He followed the same routine every day, peering at each letter, sometimes wondering aloud who the sender might be, or, if that were quite obvious, then speculating upon what they might be writing about. Then he sliced the seals with the little knife which hung from his watch-chain, opened out the letter, scanned it, and, if it chanced to be for his wife or sister-in-law, handing it over with a gracious little smile. Vermilion had often found this ritual annoying, today it was almost unbearable.

    At last even Erconwald could delay no longer in picking up the letter clearly addressed to Vermilion and sealed with the unmistakeable arms of the Zamorna family. He weighed it thoughtfully, peering at the direction as if he were still not quite certain it had come to the correct house. Viridian, Vermilion’s sister, could contain her curiosity no longer.

    “Erconwald,” she exclaimed, “pray do not be so provoking. Open Vermilion’s letter at once and tell us if she has obtained the post.”

    “My love,” said Erconwald heavily. “You will embarrass your sister. You must not make her feel we are anxious to lose her again so soon.”

    Viridian subsided. Vermilion bit her lip. Erconwald broke the seal, and shook out the heavy paper. Vermilion, trying to read the words upside down, without giving Erconwald the satisfaction of knowing she was doing so, could make nothing of them.

    “It is a letter from Lady Sophronia herself,” said Erconwald. “She thanks you for coming to see her, and is very happy to offer you the position of governess to the daughter of her nephew, the Duke of Zamorna”

    He handed the letter rather reluctantly to Vermilion, who skimmed it quickly to make sure Lady Sophronia had not had second thoughts about her salary. She had not, and Vermilion permitted herself a small smile.

    “But this is wonderful!” Viridian trilled. “What a splendid post! Erconwald, do not you think Vermilion is to be congratulated?”

    Erconwald was looking like a man who had just bitten into a lemon when he had been expecting a honeycomb. “I am not altogether certain of that. The very splendour of the post makes it one I cannot like for one so young and inexperienced as your sister.”

    “But the Lady Sophronia seems confident of her suitability. She was most rigorous in her examination, was she not, my love? And she did not seem to think Vermilion was lacking in experience.”

    “I am not speaking of experience in the schoolroom, my dear, but the experience of Life. Can we be sure Vermilion will not allow her head to be turned by the empty glitter of the world of Fashionable Vice – yes, I will say it – of Vice!”

    “Whatever can you mean by vice, Erconwald?” Vermilion asked in a tone of lively interest. “Lady Sophronia struck me as being on the shady side of fifty, and really, she is not a good looking woman. I grant you she did glitter a little because she was wearing some rather fine diamonds – though I did think they would have been nothing the worse for a thorough cleaning – but she looked the last person in the world I should have suspected of leading a vicious life. If you know something about her that I do not, I really think you should tell me.”

    “I did not, of course, refer to the Lady Sophronia,” said Erconwald, majestically, “but to her nephew. He is Politically Unsound, and there is Bad Blood in his family.”

    “You would advise me against accepting the position then,” said Vermilion, with delicate malice.

    She watched the struggle between avarice and inclination which shook Erconwald’s solid frame, without a moment’s doubt about the outcome. No power on earth would have made Erconwald keep a sister-in-law for a day in which she might have been kept by someone else.

    “I do not say that,” he managed at last. “I know how unwilling you are to Eat the Bread of Idleness and to be a Burden upon your family. We must all,” he finished grandly, “make sacrifices.” And then spoilt the grandeur of his conclusion by adding querulously, “but I wish I had been consulted before you applied for such a post. I should have been consulted about any post.”

He dabbed his mouth with his napkin and rising to his feet, indicated that breakfast was over. Viridian, who might have liked to discuss her sister’s amazing piece of good fortune over a second cup of coffee, fluttered to her feet to escort her lord to the front door and to make sure he was suitably hatted and coated for his morning stroll. But when she returned to the breakfast room she found her sister still at the table.

    “I took the liberty of ordering some more coffee,” Vermilion said, filling a cup for Viridian. “I shan’t be here for much longer, so Erconwald will have hardly any time to scold me for idleness and extravagance.”

    “Erconwald is very fond of you,” said Viridian dutifully.

    “Well, if he is, he has a very odd way of showing it. But never mind him. I must tell you my plans. Lady Sophronia will not be travelling to the family estates for a few weeks, so she wants me to go ahead of her, and begin my duties as soon as I arrive.”

    “How ever will you travel? Not by public coach, surely?”

    “No. Apart from the fact that the roads are so poor that public coaches are unable to travel as far as Zamorna, it seems that her ladyship has a regular consignment of goods, plus a young lady’s maid, to go North, and she intends to send the whole cargo – myself included - in one of the family carriages. The maid, I understand, is a little nervous, never having been to the savage North, and is inclined to travel sickness, so it should prove an interesting trip for both of us.”

    “Oh, Vermilion! How can you know this? I daresay she is only sending this girl to be your chaperone.”

    “Rather the contrary, I should think. Her ladyship told me all about the arrangements when I met her. Perhaps she told the other candidates too and they all cried off as soon as they heard about them, of course. The only really valuable item to be transported is a dinner service of porcelain painted with the Zamorna arms, which she has commissioned for her nephew. It must travel in straw baskets, inside the carriage, so there will be very little room for us, and the carriage will have to proceed very slowly, to prevent breakages, as she graciously informed me. That’s when I heard about the maid’s travel sickness, because it seems it gets worse in a slow-moving vehicle. Perhaps, of course, it will be best if we both travel on the box with the coachman...”

    “I am sure you are inventing all this to tease me!”

    “Not at all. I believe Lady Sophronia really decided to offer me the place because I was so complacent about the maid’s travel sickness. And the crockery, of course.”

    “Now, that cannot be true. You must not say such things. The Duke could not have made a better choice, Vermilion. You are so clever and ladylike and you will teach his little angel just what she should know.”

    “My dear Viridian, the Duke has never set eyes on me! He has left all such tedious matters to his poor old aunt since his wife’s death. And I am very sure it is months since he saw his little angel, as you call her, at all. I fear Lady Lilias may prove to be a little – something quite opposite, for I think she has been both spoiled and neglected if you can imagine such a thing.”

    Viridian stared wide-eyed at her sister. “Do you mean Erconwald was in the right, and you should refuse the position?”

    Vermilion hesitated for a moment. There were several reasons for uneasiness about the post, none of which she intended to tell Viridian. One of which she would not even think about in Viridian’s presence. But among the less disquieting was the fact that she was a finishing-governess, who was generally brought in to teach the older children of the family, to give some polish to a young lady about to Come Out, and to a brother bound shortly for University. She had never had charge of a girl as young as Lady Lilias, and she had told Lady Sophronia so. That lady had protested the child was quite a prodigy, beyond any ordinary governess, and she would tax all Vermilion’s powers as a teacher, considerable as she acknowledged them to be. What they had not discussed was her reason for seeing Vermilion at all. Noble families usually had any number of poor relations who would make suitable governesses for their daughters. It was almost unheard of to bring in a stranger like Vermilion – but there was no sense in troubling her sister with such doubts.

Instead she said brightly, “Now, when have I ever thought Erconwald to be in the right? If you had only met the younger Montmorency children you would understand why I am prepared for anything. Do you know, Viridian, only three years ago I would have laughed at the notion  that children can be truly evil, but now...” she shuddered a little, then smiled quickly to show her sister  she was not serious. “No, I certainly shall take up the post. Lady Sophronia says here, in writing, that I will be paid forty angels a year and they are all the angels I need to reconcile me to my fate.”

    “What did Erconwald mean when he said the Duke was unsound,” said Viridian uneasily, “and what was that about bad blood?”

    Vermilion hesitated.  A governess hears a good deal of gossip in the course of her career. No one, after all, worries about what they say in front of her. So she knew all about the scandals of the Zamorna family. She was not all sure that her sister should hear about them. She compromised with a casual, “The duke took the wrong side – or the opposite side to the Emperor – in the matter of Westernesse and the Emperor has not forgiven him for it. But it need not make him an ineligible employer.”

    “Westernesse! Oh, those horrid rebels! Surely a gentleman could not take their part against the Emperor!”

    Vermilion said, reluctantly, “That is where the bad blood comes in. The Duke’s mother was from Westernesse. And her father was a notorious rebel who was hanged for treason.”

    “Sister!”

    “It was a long time ago, when she was a child. The Emperor had her brought to the Court to be bred up as a loyal subject, and she grew up to be so beautiful that the Duke’s father fell in love with her and begged the Emperor to let him marry her. He was a widower, with daughters and two grown up sons, so the Emperor probably thought there would be no risk of any son of hers inheriting the title. But both boys were killed in the Eastern wars…”

    “Oh. But that was so long ago…” Viridian murmured. Her attention drifted away to the breakfast table and she began to peel herself an apple, paring the skin away in one thin spiral.

They had done that when they were young girls together, Vermilion thought, and then they would throw the peel over their shoulders so it would form the first letter of the name of the man they were to marry. Viridian’s apple peels, as far as she could remember, had never made an E shape, but of course this is not an easy one for a piece of apple peel to fall into.

She sighed, thinking of Erconwald’s warning about Bad Blood. It was the young Duchess who had brought that into the Zamorna family. The Emperor had begun his imprudent campaign against magic workers, which had provoked such violent resistance in Westernesse and the Duchess had left her husband and her young son to throw in her lot with the rebels. She had, it was whispered, actually become the mistress of one of the worst of them. The Duke had withdrawn to his estates and forbidden anyone to mention his wife’s name in his hearing. He removed her portrait from the gallery where it had hung amongst the chaste wives and decorous daughters of the Zamornas with his own hands, and it was supposed that he had burned it. Only after his death did they discover it in a little prayer-closet in his bedroom, decked with candles and fresh flowers. Really it was not a story for Viridian! Nor need she know the Duke was rumoured to have a half-brother and sisters in Westernesse who were the “very pattern”, according to gossip, of his Grace, his mother having passed her unusual beauty in full measure to all her children.

    Her own mother had been less lucky. Vermilion could only remember her vaguely, a pretty, silly girl, who had bequeathed all her prettiness and silliness to Viridian but left her younger daughter with nothing but an unsuitable name, now some twenty years out of date. She had caught at a passing fashion for naming little girls like pairs of lap-dogs, and compounded her folly by dressing them always in shades of pink and green to suit those names. She had so looked forward to their Coming Out. Because they were close in age they would have had their first ball together, and danced out in silk dresses of white with the faintest flush of pink running through it for Vermilion and green for Viridian. Vermilion smiled wryly at the thought. Poor Mama was never to know fashion would leave her far behind. Names and dresses were to become much less fanciful. Poor Mama who had entrusted all her treasures to Papa’s friend, Erconwald, who had taken the family house and such money as there was, along with the pretty sister, and sent the plain one to school as a pupil teacher to earn her education and fit her to be a governess.

    Vermilion stood up quickly, as if, by moving, she could shake off her thoughts. “If you have finished with your apple, Viridian, I should be grateful if you would help me to look through my wardrobe. Lady Sophronia wishes me to be ready to travel very soon and I must set my clothes in order.”

    “Oh, of course, sister, we must start at once. I was just remembering our old game with the apple peel. I suppose young girls do not do such things now.”

    “No, indeed. Or certainly not when their elders might see them. Remember how cross Erconwald was when he caught the maids at telling fortunes in the kitchen. What did he tell them? ‘Such things are not, indeed, Witchcraft, but they may lead to Witchcraft…’”

    “Well I am sure it seems innocent enough to me, still. But with the Emperor being so set against anything that smacks of magic - although it is not as if the apple peel works. I could never see any letters in mine at all, and I quite thought it meant I never should be married.”

    Vermilion laughed. “But the whole point of the game is that apple peel is a very poor medium for letters. You could make it read anything you liked.”

    She took Viridian’s discarded peel and flicked it over her shoulder. It landed on the carpet in a perfect Z.

    “Oh, sister...” Viridian breathed, round-eyed, hastily gathering it up in case Erconwald should see it and guess what they had been doing.

    “Zanko!” Vermilion said firmly. “Undoubtedly Zanko. He was Mrs Montmorency’s groom, you know, an old horse-master from the Eastern plains, with bow-legs and a great drooping moustache. He always said he would marry me when his first wife died – provided his second and third ladies could be got to agree to the match of course,” she added, giggling at her sister’s shocked face.

    The two young ladies hurried away towards Vermilion’s bedroom. But on the way Viridian was waylaid by Cook, who demanded  she come instantly to the kitchen and that testify the meat just delivered was unfit to give a dog, far less to set before a lady and gentleman, and to have a word with the butcher’s boy who was giving her nothing but impudence, so Vermilion went upstairs alone.

And now it was safe to think of the other thing which had troubled her about her interview with Lady Sophronia. After running briskly through Vermilion’s qualifications, and asking a few unimportant questions about her family, she had looked at her suddenly with sharp dark eyes and said, “And now, Miss Massingberd, two last questions. And you must answer honestly, please!”

    Vermilion had muttered something about hoping she always did so and the old lady had laughed so harshly it might have been called a cackle in a less exalted person. “Well – perhaps. Perhaps you do. But do so now if you please, and tell me, Miss, are you easily shocked?”

    Vermilion thought quickly. Governesses were supposed to be easily shocked after all. But she rather thought her Ladyship was hoping she would say no.

    “No, ma’am, I am not,” she said at last, with perfect truth. She had dealt with any number of shocking situations, from cleaning and bandaging the wounds of one of her pupil’s brothers who had succumbed to the foolish fashion for duelling to the unexpectedly early labour of the mama of another...Lady Sophronia peered at her and appeared satisfied.

“Good,” she said, “but Miss, are you easily frightened?”

    Vermilion, in spite of being more than a little frightened by such a question, replied that she did not think so. And there the interview ended, leaving Vermilion to wonder why Lady Sophronia had found it necessary to ask her such very strange questions.

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

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K A Smith wrote 1025 days ago

Lyrical and evocative and seemingly effortless, a charming narrative that slowly builds atmosphere and suspense as Vermilion comes nearer to the heart of the mystery and the mystery of her heart. the remainder of the book is so present in the first 11 chapters that I don't feel I need read the rest of the book, but I want to, nevertheless, to see just how beautifully it is accomplished. In some ways reminiscent of Ursula LeGuin, in the ease with which a milieu is characterised, with pellucid prose that rivals the clarity of Mary Renault, I don't think I'll have to wait too long until it is published.

Famlavan wrote 1122 days ago

Zamorna

Thought the title was idiosyncratic until I got into the character names!
This book is a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y fantastic. It’s fun, intelligent, brilliantly structured and a great read – no one should miss this!

Beval wrote 1124 days ago

This is wonderful stuff. High gothic romance at its best.

Lauren Grey wrote 29 days ago

This is polished, professional, intelligent and extremely entertaining. I will admit that initially I had a bit of confusion over the character's names, but once I sorted them out I was on my way to a great read. Six stars and remains on my WL to finish reading. Well done and this does belong on the ED and to be published.

Barbara W. Bland wrote 50 days ago

I enjoy your book, which I have backed. There is a hint of Mrs. Radcliffe's 'The Mysteries of Udolpho', except that Vermilion is a much more sensible heroine than Emily. Also, of course, Mrs. Radcliffe explains away all the seemingly supernatural elements. In fact, the Duke also seems to have some affinity with Miss Brontë's hero Mr. Rochester, as Vermilion has with Jane Eyre. Lilias is a more lively character than little Adèle. The taste for horrid romances is one that Vermilion shares with Miss Jane Austen's heroine Catherine Morland in 'Northanger Abbey', except that Vermilion is more sensible than that young lady! Best wishes, Barbara

Bea Sinclair wrote 52 days ago

I love the humour, the setting, the plot and the characters. The use of language is exquisite and I feel vastly underqualified to review this excellent MS further. High stars awarded and backed. If this book is not selected for publication, there is little hope for the rest of us. Yours Bea

darlingdaisy wrote 55 days ago

I have only read the first few chapters so far, but I'm loving it. The voices of the characters are so vivid in my head that I feel I must have already heard your novel read aloud on Radio 4's Book at Bedtime. Gothic, literary, romantic - it has echos of "The Rose and the Ring". I can't wait to finish this story. I'm putting it on my bookshelf.

rikasworld wrote 68 days ago

I've finished all your uploaded chapters now and I am loving this. I think it is exceptional, a totally convincing Gothic Romance. I could certainly go for the Duke and I love the little comic asides like blinking at the revelation of the home life of Zamorna.
The first time I read this I stopped during the initial coach journey. That was a mistake!

Cariad wrote 68 days ago

Finally, Zamorna has got to the top of my watchlist, and I have placed it on my shelf. I started reading this a year ago, and got put off by the first page, to be honest, because I thought it was a 'romance' and wasn't gripped. Later I returned and read further, and I'm thoroughly hooked now, and enjoying it immensely! Haven't commented in any detail, but will say something burningly relevant when I finish.

TraceyK wrote 78 days ago

Your SP caught my attention - I am sure you can guess why... One of the most famous governess/heroine tales, the one that defined the entire romance genre was... Oh, never mind - I know now from reading your chapter that you know that very well, and have rather cleverly used that "but...but..." reaction to your SP to draw readers in. (At least, I hope you have!)
Your tale immediately captivated, the writing is a pleasure.

Fontaine wrote 79 days ago

I have no idea why I haven't read this before now. I have read chapter 1 and am absolutely enchanted. I'll read on and give you a proper comment later but this is wonderful. A real breath of fresh air. I've just finished reading Anne Bronté's 'Agnes Grey,' so this fits nicely with my present trend of reading. Love it!

zap wrote 80 days ago

Hi Ferret,

I so enjoyed the wonderful collection of names which sets the scene and places the reader into a different reality from the start. You've spiced up the story line with plenty of mystery and hear-say, including dreams and thoughts, which all add to give the impression that something most unusual is going to happen.

I was a little confused about some of the backstory about the Duke and his mother, wife and daughter, although the following chapters levelled this feeling with additional events taking place and explaining the situation. Maybe this out-of-control sense on part of the reader adds to the obscurity and might therefore act as a literary tool of sorts. Maybe it's just me.

The pace was good, although I found myself wanting to get further quicker. This obviously creates the wish to read on, and is desirable for that reason. Within the chosen genre I found that this was polished, well plotted and, above all, humorous with many down-to-earth wisdoms.

Your MC has her head firmly screwed the right way, while her position and vulnerability force her to be dependent and show risk-taking qualities to overcome the usual status-angst, which girls of her standing must have experienced, and maybe still do. All the characters are colourful and real (, and you didn't resort to stereotyping.) A very nice read.

Ame
Wolfmother

K.L.Greenstreet wrote 83 days ago

What Beautiful Dialogue! I really enjoy the florid language. I feel myself caring for Vermilion already and ive only read the first chapter! The heavy foreboding is a good catch- i tend to do that with my novels as well. Maybe we could exchange reads? My novel is called Terrible Lightness :)
Im putting you on my shelf!
~Kelsey

Juliet Blaxland wrote 92 days ago

Zamorna has been on my absolutely-must-read list ever since I first spotted the name 'Vermilion' in it, ages ago. Vermilion, by Norah G. Shaw (1935), about a baby dragon called Spooflunks among many other things, is quite the best book in the world, ever, but that's another story... I'll be back soon with a proper comment once I've had properly dug-in read of a bit more. It seems brilliantly quirky and scholarly and governessy so far, and has already received high praise indeed from others; but one mustn't be too biased, at least not at the outset...

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 96 days ago

Zamorna

This was a recommended read, and I'm glad I findly found some sit down time to enjoy it.

Another great story!

seven chapters in and not one freaking note on my behalf.

here's the thing, I actually disagree with the folks about your cover. after reading what I've read so far, I really like the cover, I think it's suited to the book... the problem is that if you haven't read the book, it may not call out to people to say 'pick me up, open me, read me'

damn problem with society if you ask me - too much is focussed on sex appeal. you'd be better off with one word on a blank page "Zamorna" - but where's the fun in that?

anyhoo, great read - I can see why it's so highly recommended!

Jaclyn x
My Life Without Me

lil flower girl wrote 104 days ago

What fun exotic names! The writing is buttery and the author does a wonderful job of setting an old-fashioned scene. Nice!

Billie Storm wrote 110 days ago

Brilliant. The names, the names. Imagine them subject to the screeching glottal stop in a Tesco aisle.
Beautifully crafted. Can look again and comment more specifically, if you wish.
Happy to save this one for shelf later.

Billie

Seringapatam wrote 139 days ago

This truly is a masterpiece. I hope it gets picked up. The story, the characters, the flow, everything about it feels right. I would never look for something like this however I am glad I found it. I have to agree with one comment on here and I hope you dont think me disrespectful, but the cover is dreadful. i know it probably wasnt your final choice but it really is bad. Anyway. i love the book, big score from me.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or a watch list. Thank you. Happy New Year. Sean

Suzi F wrote 140 days ago

Hi
Loved the opening paragraphs - detailed, punchy and descriptive. Will be returning to read more as time permits. On a minor note -just a little curious as to the unnecessary random capital letters ie 'Politically Unsound' and 'Bad Blood'. Good luck with this.
Teresa
Love, Suzi x

CATHERINE SHAW wrote 145 days ago

This is lovely. So well written with a real feel of the times. I will be back to read more in the new year. Good luck!!

Edentity wrote 145 days ago

Zamorna. Well, I said I'd read and I've read. :) And, you know what, it's bloody brilliant! Sort of Northanger Abbey on acid with a side order of the League of Gentlemen.
You write a dream and I know from the forum just how knowledgeable you are about history and so on, but this wears its erudition so lightly. You have a deft touch, madam.
I tend to keep a pad open as I read and just shove down any notes and any nits - please bear in mind I am no editor and my thoughts are purely those of a reader.
So, for what they're worth.
Chap 1 - for some reason, 'handing' bothered me - I think my mind wanted to hear a straightforward verb rather than a participle. It also pulled up at a sentence ending on a preposition - purely because the language is so exact that it sounded an odd note. (about being the word in question here).
I love the idea of someone being considered 'cargo'.
Enjoyed the idea of the difficulty of the apple peel falling into an E. The selfsame thing often occurred to me while playing this game.
There is an easy humour here - it's very beguiling.
I do wonder about the Zamorna history here - it's dense somehow and might slow up the read at this stage.
Chap 2 - love Fancy as a name. Love Fancy as a character.
Chap 3 - love the cannibal innkeeper idea.
Chap 5 - buxomer? That gave me pause. Is that really a correct form? If it is, it shouldn't be. :)
love the way she can't be arsed to be shocked.

I stopped here. Not because I wasn't enjoying it but because I was enjoying it too much and it was hurting my eyes. I really do struggle reading on screen. I don't suppose you have a .mobi file of the whole thing I could read on my Kindle, do you?

For some odd reason I thought this had already done and dusted the ED thing so was a bit surprised to find it has been here for so long and is only at around the 100 mark. Makes me think, as I often do, that this place is more than slightly bonkers. Truly, the ED is not a mark of quality if this has been overlooked...but then I've come across a fair few similar injustices. :(

Overall thoughts. Just fabulous really. Bloody fabulous.
Little general nitpicky things. Don't think your cover does the book justice. It makes it look a bit staid somehow, and it is far from that.
I do wonder if you try to cram too much into the first chapter. I felt, in retrospect, that it needed a little more room to breathe.

doubledee wrote 154 days ago

I'm really enjoying your book, Tina. Up to chapter 7 - it truly is a delight to read. This will be my Christmas reading. I hope it's finished and that you will be publishing soon, I would hate not to be able to read to the end.

Happy Christmas :)

Michelle

Augustineisme wrote 163 days ago

Hello! I spent most of the day yesterday reading your book. I absolutely loved it. I was extremely disappointed when you stopped where you did! lol The only thing I could see that could be improved upon was your description of the duke and I felt that he could have showed the governess a little more attention if you are intending a love interest there. I love the Gothic feel to this book. A little of Jane Eyre mixed in there, yet quite different at the same time. If you decide to post more, I would like to read it. Thank you for the opportunity to read your lovely story! :)

CarolR wrote 163 days ago

Hello Tina,

I just loved this. Fantastic voice, lively and distinctive. I'm liking Vermilion at once. I've just read the first three chapters and can't fault it. Am loading the rest on my iPad for bedtime reading :) So high stars for now. Highly likely on my shelf when I've finished it. I'll let you know what I think then....

Bests,
carol.
"Heart Fire"

Littleredriley wrote 164 days ago

HI there,

this isnt wrritten in any of the style that i normally read, that being said, i really enjoyed what i did read. It's well written, with fully rounded characters and an interesting plot.
My only suggestion would be about the cover. Iyt didnt appeal to me at all. The name gets lost withing the picture and the picture really didnt do anything to express what your book was about. I'm sorry.
I'llkeep you on my WL for now and try and come backk to read some more.

Kind regards

Claire C Riley
Limerence

celticwriter wrote 173 days ago

Fun stuff. Would make an interesting movie. On WL for now.

Trailer Bride wrote 179 days ago

Why is this book still on Authonomy? It's so ridiculously good - after four chapters - that I'm almost ashamed it took me this long to read it. I can only put that down to my own stupid preconceptions.

I have no criticism to offer, and see little point in trying to pull out highlights - except the use of the name Montmorency, the wit, and the beautifully graceful writing - so all I shall say is that Zamorna is one of the very best books I have read on Authonomy, along with Jinger Barley and Bad Bishop.

How absurd that only one of those three has made it to the celebrated Editor's Desk.

Andrea Taylor wrote 180 days ago

Very well written; it flows effortlessly, is interesting and holds attention. Even though at the beginning it seems innocuous, there is enough of a threat of things to come (mainly because of the clever use of strange names, which shows it is more than an historical romance). This is without question a good novel and many less competently written have found their way into print, so I have no problem awarding this six stars and watchlist and when I re-arrange my bookshelf later, a place on it.
Andrea
The De Amerley Affair

fayha wrote 198 days ago

Really enjoying this am so happy I came a cross it proud to have it on my shelf. Your writing is beautiful.

Eftborin wrote 201 days ago

Club Grimoire 2nd round
Hi Tina,
I am sorry but my thoughts have not changed from from first reading of chapter one., although I ventured further.
I did pick out certain lines that could be altered but it wasnt worth noting. Too much dialogue for me in the first two chaps and I rushed through the over long paragraphs therefore losing track of the story/plot.
I know you are high in the charts and I do wish you well with it, but I cant go through each chapter looking for good and bad points.
Again I am sorry for being so straight forward and not following the obvious copycat crits you have received.
Pat

Abby Vandiver wrote 201 days ago

you write very well and your language is very appropriate for the time. Good job. It took her long time to get to her job - seven chapters. Still the writing and the storytelling deserves many stars.

Abby

A Farris wrote 201 days ago

Although this is a genre I usually don't take to, the story is very hard to put down. You are good at suspense building and dark without being all emo. The only criticism I have is the cover art. The title of the book is too small and gets lost in the thumbnail version we see on here. If I didn't come across it on someone else's shelf and have my interest piqued, I probably wouldn't have given it a view. I'm glad I did though!

Nanty wrote 208 days ago

Zamorna.

in some ways this work reminded me of Georgette Heyer's novels, with a little of Jane Eyre thrown in for good measure. Vermilion, straight-laced and no nonsense of necessity, finds some release in books that must have been the forerunners of Mills & Boon's offerings. In contrast, enter Fancy, more experienced in the ways of the flesh and not ashamed of it, but who exudes a beguiling innocence. Both go to Zamorna, a place with a dubious history, for different reasons, and a friendship develops between this unlikely pair.
There is a sinister element thoroughout the chapters posted. In the beginning the author teases the reader by leaking little snippets of what this may be, and only began to reveal Zamorna's secrets, and the true nature of the Duke and his family in the final chapters, which is a little annoying as being a naturally curious person I should have liked to have found out what's really going on.
That said, this is a lot of fun. The writing evokes the period the work is set in very well, as does the portrayal of Vermilion, who it seems has cast herself into an adventure she could not have imagined.

Shelby Z. wrote 216 days ago

Zamorna by Tina Rath
Very different.
The time period suggests for Victorian style and the dialog seems to hold up to that.
The first chapter is an easy read. Your style of writing is very polished and neat. Things and people develop very well as your get the story started.
Everything is so dramatic and somewhat grim. To me it appeared to have an Adam's family feel about it at time.
Your pitch is well crafted.
This is a very original piece.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Shnoowie wrote 220 days ago

ZAMORNA by TINA RATH

I was unsure about the nature of this work after having read the synopsis as I could not make a link between the title and content; however the last line generated some interest within me. As K.A.Smith has said, you writing is very lyrical it is descriptive, without being repetitive and you have easily formed the characters without dwelling on every individual detail. Initially, I was taken aback by the names, but I found that they work very well and help to emphasise the fact that they are in a fictional place, but with realism found in our own world. I would happily pay a few angels to buy this book and I'm looking forward to reading further.

rikasworld wrote 232 days ago

Club Grimoire (round 2)

I've now reached chapter 6 and am really enjoying this. I can't think of any criticism to make. Beautifully written and you maintain the tone perfectly. It reads like a mixture of Jane Austen, Georgette Heyer and vampires, sorry upires. I liked the gypsy prophecy and the way the upires get to sleep with their wives at least. Nice reversal that they can be found by virginal young boys for a change. Fancy is a lot of fun too 'knowing and doing are not the same thing' and men being able to see through her under petticoat. Now we have the handsome Duke.
I love it basically!

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 243 days ago

Tina,
What a wonderful tale you've woven with language so polished, I fear any adjustment would put a carefully crafted work off-kilter. Each visit seems to bring out new sheen to your story, and at Chapter 21, I can sense a great romance in the offing namely between prim and proper governess Vermillion and her employer, the mind-reading Duke Justinian. Your narrative full of beguiling descriptives rich in minutae and your dialogue true to character carry the full weight of your endeavour toward wonderful fruition. Thank you so much for the captivating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Sabina Frost wrote 254 days ago

Club Grimoire Review

Your writing style is very lyrical. The old-tongue with which the characters speak can be a bit difficult to understand, at least for me who’s not a native English speaker, but it has a certain charm to it. I like your names, Vermilion and Viridian, though both are names for Pokemon cities (hah!), which is quite a coincidence.
I only found two technical errors. First, you use capital letters on some words that shouldn’t have them (e.g. bad blood), and if it’s supposed to have it, then you’re inconsistent about it because later on it doesn’t have capital letters anymore. Second, the italics paragraph is supposed to be taken directly out of her thoughts, but she’s still thinking in third person, past tense – which doesn’t make sense. You’ll have to make it first person. The tense also seemed wrong to me, you should probably make it ‘we used to’ rather than ‘they had been’.

Other than that, this is a lyrical, professional piece of writing. You ended the chapter nicely, urging the reader to continue to find out why the questions were necessary.
Good job!
Sabina

John Bayliss wrote 257 days ago

Club Grimoire Review

A Georgette Heyer style novel set in a fantasy world with magic and vampires? A brilliant idea!

I like the way Erconwald capitalises certain keys words in his speech. I can't think of a better way of showing us how pompous he is (other than the fact he acts pompous, of course). Viridian is scatty and very-slightly-annoying as she should be, and Vermilion is a wonderful character. I'm really hoping she will find romance, even though she clearly does not expect to.

I had just one tiny quibble: I did wonder if it might be a little more natural if Vermilion's thoughts about using the apple peel to predict the first letter of a future husband's name (the paragraph in italics) was moved a few paragraphs later to the point immediately after Viridian mentions the game. I don't think that it would disrupt the dialogue too much. Where it stands at present, it seems to me to interrupt Vermilion's thoughts about the Zamorna family and the "Bad Blood". Then Vermilion's explanation of the apple peel game comes in response to Viridian mentioning it first, rather than seeming to preempt it.

I am looking forward to discovering more about Vermilion's world. I suspect that the dangers she will face will be rather worse than unruly children.

best wishes and good writing, John.

Hyperion wrote 257 days ago

My Grimoire comments,

What a high voice and writing style is employed here, and it is soon obvious, that 'we are not in Kansas any-more.'
That is although you do not try to set the scene other than with the archaic dialogue and phrases which is used so well.
Then there are the names! My goodness, I can only imagine how you came upon them and to type out Vermilion Massinberd so many times. It must have required a prodigious effort. However, they are also wonderful and high Victorian, as is your settings and attitudes of the M/C.

That said it invokes something of the feel of Jane Eyre, and that is one of my all-time favourites. Judging by the pitch this is going to be just as interesting and beguiling. With Magic thrown in, who could ask for anything more. Well done indeed. Ray Jones (Druids)

K E Shaw wrote 257 days ago

Club Grimoire review
What a fun opening chapter - a sort of regency-romance-meets fantasy. Unexpected (except that it's Club G), since the pitch doesn't really give it away, and only we are given for the moment just brief glimpses into the 'otherness' of the world in which Vermillion lives. (btw, the 'upires' in the pitch - not a typo, but deliberate?)

The characterisation of Veridian and Erconwald as individuals and as a married couple is very well done, and I guess that saying Erconwald seems like a total stiff-necked twit is exactly how we are meant to feel about him, while Veridian strikes me as a woman not content, but unlikely to ever do anything about it. Vermillion is shaping up to an entertaining MC - I expect she will be getting herself into all sorts of interesting and compromising situations. The detail of throwing apple peels over the shouder is a nice touch - giving some insight into the past relationship of the sisters.
The writing feels effortless, with a nice balance of dialogue and description.

The only part that had me a bit muddled was the references to the duchess who had turned rebel - I was not quite sure who she was, and had to re-read that whole section twice to try and fix the 'history' clearly in my mind. the information given is not necessarily too much, but it felt as though it jumped around a bit, so I lost track of who was who.

There was one paragraph where there were small nits - words in wrong order...checking to find it...7th para from end (if you count the one line of dialogue as a para). 'come instantly to the kitchen and 'that' testify'.... 'meat just delivered was unfit to give a dog'=missing the 'to' before dog.

Overall, very well written opening with the promise of plenty of entertainment to come. I think this one is a winner.

Tod Schneider wrote 258 days ago

This is charming and erudite! I love your characters voices, and the overall tone of the piece. You deliver plenty of dialogue, adorned with enough narrative and description but no more, which is just right.
Critique-wise, I did find just a few minor lines to quibble about, and do ignore me if you'd prefer:
"Vermilion had often found this ritual annoying" seemed wordier than need be. I'd go with "Vermillion found this ritual annoying"
"do not you think" sounds weird. I like "do you not think" better.
The end of chapter one has multiple uses of the words frightened and question rather close together. I'd look for ways to avoid that. maybe "leaving Vermilion to wonder about the reasons behind her interrogation."
But overall, really delightful writing. Six stars!
And if you have any interest in children's literature, please do come visit the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

rikasworld wrote 270 days ago

Club Grimoire Review
This is the second book I've revisited and realised that I'd forgotten how brilliant it is. This time I'll keep it on my watchlist!
The Victorian fantasy works perfectly and you establish your world effortlessly in the first chapter. The characters come across strongly. Erconwald is so irritating I'd like to make him bite a lemon. Very witty dialogue - I love Eat the Bread of Idleness. The throwing of the apple peel is a clever way of tying in the magic theme with the present. Z, well as you say there aren't many letters apple peel can make. An excellent hook at the end of the chapter - are you easily shocked and frightened.
I've already given this 6 stars and definitely would again. Look forward to reading on.

EllieMcG wrote 272 days ago

Club Grimoire: Zamorna
Nice. There's a lot of Austen-esque dry wit and social jabs throughout. I definitely chuckled a lot - which is a good thing. The writing is good, and the interactions between the sisters is genuinely entertaining. But by far your best aspect is the character of Vermillion. She embodies the best aspects of your writing, and reading through her intelligent, sometimes sarcastic, insightful voice is what makes reading Zamorna a pleasure. The first chapter immediately made me like her and want to follow her story, which is the point, right?
Anyway, bits/thoughts:
Then he sliced the seals with the little knife- dumb nitpick. The latter half of the previous sentence began with "then," and so does this, which cuts the flow. I might try, "Next, he sliced...) 
Lady Sophronia struck me as being on the shady side of fifty - I laughed a lot here.
Vermilion hesitated for a moment - id get rid of "for a moment." - its unnecessary (I do this a lot too), and you may to actually need the phrase throughout the book, so you want to cut down where it's unnecessary. (Also, you use "Vermillion hesitated" two paras later, which stood out to me. Maybe switch one up, for another descriptor of hesitation)
The Emperor had begun his imprudent campaign against magic workers - this sentence stood out as a bit clunky.  Might want to take a look at it. 
Thoroughly enjoyed the mini-rant about stupid names (after dog names) and matching dresses.
Highly starred, it's a great start.
Ellie

junetee wrote 274 days ago

Club Grimoire.

What a great read!
Its such a classic romantic novel - 'Jane Austen', but with fantasy too.
I'm so pleased I had the opportunity to read this.
The first chapter sets the story off to a brilliant start. Wonderful dialogue, witty too.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star

Arnbjorn wrote 282 days ago

Club Grimoire Review

Chapter One

I enjoyed reading this, which seems to stand up to the quality of Victorian literature. The setting feels authentically Victorian and the dialogue too. The story is conceived thoroughly, exemplified for me in the paragraphs covering the family history of the Duke and Vermilion's various doubts about the job. Not only does the apple peel idea break the narrative and dialogue between the sisters of the job offer but gives reason to touch upon the matter of magic and the Emperor's denouncement of it (which I'm guessing, this being a fantasy novel, will play some significant part in the story).

This opening chapter appears to have all the elements that it needs. The dialogue is natural, there are the beginnings of what promises to be a good story, features characters that feel human and not false, gives well-conceived backstory, and entices the reader to read on at the end. But in my mind it is all done so smoothly, which is enough to tell me the author is clearly a skilled one.

Arnbjorn

bluegirl09 wrote 282 days ago

A great read, quite unlike anything I have seen before - I thought it would be Bronte-sisters-esque until the first mention - in perfect seriousness - of magic, whereupon I was instantly intrigued and had to read on! Vermillion is a great protagonist: the sensible and strong-willed heroine, perfect for what is, I think, to come in future chapters.

The writing is very well done, with just enough tantalising hints of her new employers to add suspense to the quite ordinary preparations Vermillion makes to leave.

This is definitely one I would want to read the whole way through, and I don't doubt that I will be able to do so not far in the future!

Selena Hallahan
Thicker than Water

Wanttobeawriter wrote 283 days ago

ZAMORNA
This is an interesting story. I can’t believe it hasn’t gotten more attention on this site. Vermilion is a great main character; an obviously competent and “take charge” kind of woman. The warnings, “Are you easily shocked? Are you easily frightened?” at the end of the first chapter creates a good leadin for what is to come. Made me keep reading to see what horrible things could await her at the Duke’s home. Not the fastest paced story, but rich in descriptions and hints of magic and phrases such as, “eat the bread of idleness”, I’m starring this highly and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

beany wrote 285 days ago

Club Grimoire Review

Fantasy meets Pride and Predudice - I love it! This is unlike anything I have read before which is something you don't get every day.

I love your characters although I would maybe have liked a little more physical description. The whole premise is what really hooked me and the end of the first chapter made it really difficult to stop reading. I will definately be back to read more of this.

Cheryl
Luna

Jenny-B wrote 287 days ago

Club Grimoire Review - Zamorna
Tina Rath

** Chapter 1**

First sentence: “morning’s post” . . . is there post in the afternoon? If not, you could lose “morning’s” which makes the sentence a bit wordy and also helping to avoid repetition of the word “morning” in the second sentence.

If it weren’t for the unusual character names, I would think this was an historical romance – not that there’s anything wrong with that – that’s just the way the opening presents, with the overbearing brother-in-law the formal speech patterns.

I’m not sure why “Life” and “Fashionable Vice” are capitalized – but maybe this will be clear later. A lot words are capitalized, which is a bit jarring when I read (just my opinion and maybe just part of your writing style that I need to adjust to).

Period missing after “with delicate malice”.

Mixed verb tenses: “He dabbed his mouth with his napkin and rising to his feet, indicating that breakfast was over). I think “rising” should be “rose”.

“The Emperor had her brought to Court to be BRED up as a loyal subject,” – I’m not sure “bred” is the right word here: bred = breed = parentage – not something you can change.

I like the reminiscence of their childhood superstitions – it’s sweet, and also a bit of foreshadowing of something to come. Nicely done.

Confusion again – “She sighed, thinking of Erconwald and of the young Duchess who had brought Bad Blood into the Zamorna family . . . makes it sound like Erconwald also brings bad blood to that family, but as far as I can tell, they aren’t related? Not sure.

The writing flows pretty well, with the plot being set up quite nicely through dialogue, flashbacks and descriptive prose. A few sentences are a bit wordy, but that could just be style. There are few grammar or technical issues. My only real concern is that you set Vermillion up as not being flighty or stereotypically high strung (as per your short pitch – which I peaked at because I wasn’t sure how much of the romance genre I was getting myself into), but she comes across as almost less sensible than her sister who obviously manages her husband easily as well as household issues. You’re off to a good start.

Jenny

LindaNelson wrote 288 days ago

Club Grimoire Review,

I very much enjoyed this first chapter and have decided to back it. I will be returning soon to read the next chapter. Great tension over the reading of the letter and the acceptance of the position.

mat012 wrote 290 days ago

Club Grimoire Review,

Very good job of bringing the Victorian feel to life. I felt as if I had stepped into a Jane Austin novel. The dialogue gives a wonderful insight into who the characters are and what there back stories are all by themselves. I think the back story is important, and something we need to know, but perhaps it could be interspersed between other bits of the story. That way we keep all the hard work you have done but it keeps the plot moving.
Meagan

Shelvis wrote 293 days ago

Club Grimoire Review of “Zamorna” by Tina Rath [aka Ferret]

I’m going to try something new here, I hope you don’t mind, that I’ll be relaying my impressions as I go. I normally have something immaculate prepared, but I’m not in an immaculate mood at the moment. ^_~

I took a peek at the pitch and tags (which I always do) before I got started, and got fired up at the thought of gothic comedy in an alternate universe. I’m hoping it’s something Burtonesque! I’m excited! And there’s something endearing about your short pitch. I have this thing about flipping words, and you did it well.

First impressions: Has a strong Victorian feel. Delightful. Quick establishment of the title in connection to the family name. Erconwald is instantly annoying and I’m hoping an army of bats attacks him soon, so people can get their mail!

I loved this. At times the dialogue was tricky (I wondered if possibly some tags would help with that, or depiction of surrounding action?), but ultimately I enjoyed it very much. It has a dark thread running beneath it with the rumors and the Emperor’s apparent loathing for magic that began a war (if I’m reading it correctly, forgive me if I’m not). You present a lot of information, but I feel it’s done in such a way that it’s easy to sort through and file away.

I did notice some errors with grammar and a run-on sentence, but I’ve got those in a different file, since I hate to put things like that in your permanent comments. I’d be happy to message you with them, if you like; but I haven’t seen your other comments, so I don’t know if they’ve already been mentioned, which would make mine both redundant and annoying. :P

I’m anxious to read the second chapter and discover the reasons why she shouldn’t be easily shocked or frightened!

~ Shelley