Book Jacket

 

rank 5855
word count 46921
date submitted 02.05.2010
date updated 18.02.2013
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

The Van Gogh Scam

Roy Munday

Residents of a care home are facing eviction. Their only chance of salvation - create a Van Gogh masterpiece and sell it in a scam

 

Danny Roberts’ art career is going nowhere.
He’s penniless; his wife has walked out on him and he’s a crap teaching job in the Three Elms care home - whoes owner is quietly murdering the residents to gain their remaining assists to solve her financial problems.
A group of misguided residents, unaware that they are being quietly killed off and led by ex-conman Alfie Edwards, come up with a plan they believe will rescue their home from bankruptcy.
If Danny can fake a long lost Van Gogh painting, it can be used in a sophisticated scam and raise the millions needed to rescue the home. Danny Roberts is horrified at the suggestion, but eventually is persuaded by Alfie, and the scam is set in motion.
Oh, and just one of the problems to overcome. First, they’ve got to steal the original Van Gogh’s famous Sunflowers painting from London’s National Gallery!
This story moves at a pace through both the low and the high end of the international art world where the provenance of a piece of art is everything and where everyone is willing to bend the rules in order to gain either prestige or money.

 
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tags

, adventure, art, art world, comedy, conspiracy, corruption, fiction, money, murder, painting, thriller, van gogh

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Chapters

6

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CHAPTER FIVE

 

That same afternoon, little Rita was in the middle of doing her regular afternoon tea round at the Three Elms. At times it seemed she was harnessed to the old, heavy tea-trolley, topped by its stainless steel tea and coffee urns, rattling crockery, plates of out of date biscuits and jugs of milk spilling.

Rita Zielinski was twenty-three years old and had escaped from a remote Polish village that offered no prospects and determined to find wealth and fame in London. She was short in height and plump; her head was round with double chin and with her first month’s wage had had her hair dyed blond. In her simple mind she was convinced that being blond –  like the vast majority celebs’ she saw in the glossies - would aid her on her quest to celebrity status. On her lips, bright red lipstick, her fingernails caked in chocolate brown nail varnish.

Upon leaving school with only a basic education she’d taken the only job on offer to her – working in a nearby cheese-making dairy at the end of her impoverished village. The work was repetitive and she seemed to carry the smell of cheese wherever she went - even on days off! But Rita had access to a steady supply of glossy celebrity gossip magazines imported in from England that had fed her dull imagination over cups of coffee in the work’s canteen while puffing on cigarettes. The carefully staged air-brushed photos and stories of the glamorous and successful filled her head with impossible dreams. Of super-models partying on the yachts of millionaires to the fabulous tales of footballers’ wives talking about their jet set life styles while displaying cavernous wardrobes stuffed with the latest fashions.

A satellite dish on the family home roof plucked dozens of western channels that further filled her head that a glamorous life-style awaited anyone with enough money saved to take the coach to England. Yes, she decided on a grey and cold November day in 2007, she would go to England, to London – and live the life like the people in ‘Hello’ magazine. What little English she spoke had been learnt at school, but she’d proved a lazy pupil.

Her parents approved the venture only as long as she sent regular money home via Western Union to help support the family. Without a farewell hug and kiss from her indifferent parents she’d left the family home and had taken the local bus to the nearest railway station and onward to Warsaw. There she’d taken the coach with more young people who simply wanted a better-paid job.

It was the girl she sat next to on the coach and who was making a return trip to England who was able to enlighten Rita on the reality of working in the UK. Undeterred by her companion’s experience, and determined not to return to that shitty cheese dairy and village life, she took the address of the Three Elms care home given to her by her companion and who’d explained.

    The job is shit. The money is lousy, but you get accommodation and food. Use the job to find your feet, and then move on to something better. Maybe factory work. Pay is better – What do you want to do in London? What sort of job you after?

    I want to become one of these celebrities, she said with certainty, pointing to the magazine on her lap and a picture of Madonna at some big social event. Her companion looked at her anew, saw that she was serious, then turned her gaze out of the coach window to stare at the flat countryside flashing by. 

    The following day, travel weary and not a little frightened, she found herself at a drab Victoria bus station. An expensive taxi ride finally deposited her at the Three Elms and where there were always staff vacancies.

Rita hated the job as a care worker as much as she had her old job back in Poland. The last thing she wanted was to be working with these shitty sick and old people waiting to die. Some of them stank from their own urine – Some even shit themselves and she would have to help take them to the bathroom and clean them up.

At meal times she would have even have to wait on them, even spoon feed that man called Arthur – slobbering and coughing! This was not the glamorous life she’d come to London for. But in her free time she would lock herself in her cramped room at the top of the home, puff on endless cigarettes and eat cream cakes pinched from the residents and leaf through a clutch of celebrity magazines that was keeping her dream alive.

    At Alfie’s room she knocked on his door and to his Who is it? replied.

Me, Rita – You want tea?

Come in, darling. 

She opened the door, turned her back to the room and pulled in the tea trolley. After closing the door and without invitation she slouched wearily down on the nearest chair, plucked a half-smoked cigarette from her overall pocket and lit it.

Alfie was stretched out fully clothed on his bed, hands under his head, watching a pornographic DVD on his television.

    Shouldn’t be smoking in the rooms! chided Alfie gently without taking his eyes off the screen. If Gloria finds out, she’ll smack your lovely bottom.

    And you shouldn’t be watching dirty porno DVD’s – You naughty boy, Alfie. She chided in return. Anyway, she not here, Rita continued with disinterest, desperate for a smoke. She gone to hairdresser in that big black Mercedes. Every Wednesday afternoon she spend big money on stupid hair. And through a grunt. She waste money on having her hair done every week at her age. It was only after she’d washed the remainder of her cigarette down the hand basin that she finally asked. Okay, you want tea, yes?

    Oh, yes please, darling, replied Alfie, now fully engrossed in the torrid sex act being played out on the DVD that had a horny coloured man about to have sex with what appeared a naive adolescent school girl, dressed in skimpy uniform and wearing stockings and suspenders.

After filling a teacup she carried it over to him while herself now taking interest in the sexual act about to begin on the screen. Alfie struggled to a sitting up position on the bed and took the cup of lukewarm tea, with Rita in her matter-of-fact tone suggesting.

    I see you feeling like some fucky-fucky this afternoon, Alfie, yes? 

While taking a sip of tea he winked at her and inclined his head to where an open packet of Viagra lay on his bedside table. After reviving himself with more sips he put the cup and saucer down and without invitation reached out a hand and placed it between her legs and began caressing the upper part, his stubby fingers inching up to her knickers. She gave him a smile of encouragement, checked her watch and said.

We’ll have to be quick, Alfie – Gloria be back at four – You want feel my tits first?

    Ten minutes later she was buttoning up her front and then slipping on her knickers. She found this little arrangement with naughty Alfie to her advantage. Her dispensing of sex to him on this occasion had him slipping her ten pounds that would help towards buying the latest mobile phone technology. Without washing her hands she tidied up the biscuits and began to haul the tea trolley from the room, with Alfie calling after her.

    By the way, Rita, your cousin Feliks. Is he still working on security at the National Art gallery?

She gave a vague shrug of her round shoulders.

    Was when I last talked to him, about a week ago.

    Be a darling, next time you’re passing, drop his mobile number off.

    Why you want Feliks’ number? questioned Rita suspiciously.

    ’Cause I need to get more DVD’s from him, winked Alfie….

                            *                               *                              *

Danny thanked God that he was not teaching art at the college that evening. The lunchtime drinks with Agnes and Alfie had left his head befuddled and his public encounter with Leslie had completely unnerved him and had sent his self-confidence plummeting. Without self-confidence no artist can work, let alone succeed, no more than someone wanting to climb fucking Mount Everest – You just fucking fall off.

When first married, Leslie had kind of understood what he was seeking in his art, but when her own dreams had not materialised, and with a child to bring up, she’d turned to him as the breadwinner. Then his dreams, too, had taken knocks. London through the boom years of the 90’s had seen an explosion of new galleries, promising futures to young and emerging artists like himself, but in the end most had failed and Danny himself had retreated to safer ground of teaching art to adults in order to pay even for the basics in life. Yes, he’d enjoyed some success, such as having paintings in the Royal Academy’s summer shows and would often make sales. The corporate world of art had been another valued source and he’d been able to sell paintings for thousands of pounds apiece, but these blips of success had grown less in the past two years as the contemporary art market had stalled with the rest of the economy and he’d had to often return to the Job Centre to sign on and go through the humiliating procedure of pretending to be looking for work while spending his days in his rented studio turning out paintings that eventually no one wanted – Eventually to save money he had to give up the studio and turn one bedroom of the flat into a pokey studio.

He’d not seen a lot of Leslie since she’d walked out with Claire to take up a new life with some bloke she’d met in a wine bar and claimed to be some big-shot property developer, but clearly that relationship had failed and she was again seeking him out for both money - and now a divorce!

It was at this point that he reached for his mobile, brought up the number of the latest gallery he was with and rang. It was answered by the bright voice of Julia Golding –

Danny – Oh, it’s great to hear from you. In fact only talking about you to a potential buyer couple of days ago –

    Really.

    Yes. A lovely couple up from Brighton. Saw your work and immediately fell in love with it – Danny’s hopes should have been raised at this point, but he’d heard this pitch many times over during the past year –

    Have they bought any of my work in the gallery? He knew the answer, but felt obliged to play the stupid game.

    Really liked your Thames river scene at Chelsea. Spent a long time looking at it – Very Van Goghish  - Bollocks, he thought, there was that mention of Van Gogh again!

    Did they buy it? Danny again asked.

    Sadly not on the day, darling, but promised to come back when next up in London, replied Julia in that fucking PR tone that never betrayed her suppressed pessimism. But your paintings are receiving a lot of attention. Oh, and I’m putting you forward for a brand new prestigious art prize that’s coming up soon at the Mall Galleries. Then with her tone dropping a little. Unfortunately, darling, it will incur some costs – you know, entry fee, promotional work I’ll need to do, along with publicity to get your name in the art press. If you could send me a down payment of three hundred pounds –

    I’m flat broke, Julia, said Danny with honesty. I need some sales and quick

    Sales are flat at the moment I’m afraid, darling, she finally admitted. Galleries are folding like nine pins. Last week two more went in the West End alone.

His call to Julia left him even more depressed, and with the global economy apparently in free-fall, art was a luxury and always the first to suffer in any down turn – And this down turn was being hailed as the mother of all fucking down turns according to the BBC’s cleaver pundit Robert Peston – At least soon he’d be able to publish a book on the subject that would secure his bloody future pension! No wonder he always appeared so fucking cheerful when delivering the latest bad news on the economy!

                       *                                  *                               *

    It was raining again outside. Cold trickles running down the window – At least it should keep Leslie off the bastard streets, thought Danny to himself, sitting on his couch, nursing a cup of tasteless coffee and turning everything over in his by now numb head.

After his recent discussion with his gallery, it seemed he was again up another blind alley with his painting – No future, no prospects, and Leslie was again on the scene! If only he could get the money together and finally move to Cyprus – to paint in a warmer climate, free from the stresses of living in fucking London with its high living costs and foul weather into the bargain! He’d been nourishing this ambition since Leslie had left. It had helped to focus his art, keep him working at it. Yes, just a few good sales and he’d be on a flight to Cyprus. Just a couple of fucking good sales!

He had not grieved over his failed marriage. The passion he and Leslie had shared in the early years of marriage had slowly evaporated and they’d increasingly grown apart – She had become more and more bitter and angry at his lack of success and himself more frustrated and angry at an art world that was quickly passing him by.

Chapters

6

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zan wrote 1097 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy
Roy Munday

I love your plot. Very inventive of you to come up with such a scam! The prologue is nicely done with Van Gogh's descent into another period of madness. Some pretty intensive research must have gone into this part. Nicely done and I could easily carry on reading your complete upload if I had the time. May this gain enough visibiity here to enable you to find an agent/publisher. Much impressed and happy to back.

AuthorTom wrote 1102 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Bocri wrote 1110 days ago

03 May 2010
18:46

As a devotee and admirer of all things relating to Vincent van Gogh I was impressed with the wealth of detail that appears in the relatively long first chapter. The writing is confident and competent without descending into a 'Not many people know that' litany. Van Gogh is misspelled in many instances but that can be remedied by proofing.
The comedic element, in the care home, kicks in in the second chapter and we have a different but nonetheless capable voice for the narrator. Due to only having three chapters on display I assume that the two themes will dovetail. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

Linda Lou wrote 443 days ago

THE VAN GOGH CONSPIRACY
ROY MUNDAY
Hullo Roy. You are a dedicated historian, one of the reasons I enjoy writing about someone I have never really thought about beyond the art that he created. Your MS gives an inside look a this personality and the way Van Gogh interacted with those around him. Very good and easily starred. Please consider my non-fiction and thanks for that. LLL

D K Willis wrote 936 days ago

Roy, This is a terrific idea and it is well executed. I can't help but think that an enterprising producer would snatch up the film rights to this in a hurry. I think it would translate to the screen beautifully, and that would hopefully encourage more people to read the book. I hope your book gets the recognition it deserves. Backed with pleasure.

DK WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

Tom Balderston wrote 980 days ago

This is a great story-line. Some question on the plausibility of an owner taking the assets of nursing home residents. One, they generally have little, and their family is waiting for whatever is left. The family also watches owners very closly, especially those with money. But this should be engaging. Quite a caper.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

DP Walker wrote 1066 days ago

Hi Roy
This is a great idea for a plot - thrilling, entertaining and quite humorous at the same time. I love the cover but are you allowed to use it? Just a thought. Copyright and all that. You've managed to create a book with loads going on, but it's a smooth read at the same time.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Jayne Lind wrote 1068 days ago

Roy - I seldom gush on this forum, but this is outstanding, incredibly interesting, and very well written. I hope it gets published and sells lots of copies! Really good. Jayne

Raymond Crane wrote 1082 days ago

Your pitch needs some working on - there are some errors - but i LIKE it so I'm backing it - please have a look at my books - thank you and good luck !

Su Dan wrote 1083 days ago

you idea to begin with a letter is a good one. it sets up something real and serious. very good good work...
su dan...read SEASONS...

Barry Wenlock wrote 1085 days ago

Hi Roy, I enjoyed reading some of your book, which I thought sat nicely in the great British comedy genre, as well as being a thrilling read.
Vincent van Gogh is a very popular artist. Your story deserves to be popular, too, although perhaps not quite as popular as him.
Backed and on my shelf.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1086 days ago

Your cover is great - I'm a big Van Gogh fan. This is a fun thriller with interesting twists in the plot. BACKED - Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Famlavan wrote 1090 days ago

To say that this has a comic element to it also has a lot of depth and knowledge.
Thought the Van Gogh almost pre-teach was very good, engaging and entertainingly informative. I thought the structure of this book was very good as was the style it was written in. – Great story well told. – Good luck.

Burgio wrote 1092 days ago

VAN GOGH CONSPIRACY
This is a clever idea for a story: a nursing home in financial trouble, a starving artist, a mix of older adults whose lives are in danger . . . I like the way you begin this with Van Gogh. It sets an interesting tone for the whole story. I also like stories that present older adults in a positive light and this story does that well (with the exception of Gloria). I pictured a movie as I read it with aging Hollywood matrons staring in it. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 1096 days ago

Roy, your prologue was interesting and powerful enough to sweep me into the first chapter. Nothing to fault in those two sections.

Shelved with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Roy Munday wrote 1096 days ago

Hello Rosalind,
many thanks for your positive comments on The Van Gogh Conspiracy. Much appreciated. Will take a look at your book, though it will be a few days. Am very busy with my own art project at the moment.
Best wishes, Roy

Delightful idea, and you've done some research. It was great to have the Prologue, too. the dialogue runs along nicely in Ch 5. Well done - amusing. A couple of typos in 2 - goes for go and draw for drawer.

Good Luck. Heartily backed
Rosalind
Good for Him - another easy read but not such fun

Lara wrote 1096 days ago

Delightful idea, and you've done some research. It was great to have the Prologue, too. the dialogue runs along nicely in Ch 5. Well done - amusing. A couple of typos in 2 - goes for go and draw for drawer.

Good Luck. Heartily backed
Rosalind
Good for Him - another easy read but not such fun

zan wrote 1097 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy
Roy Munday

I love your plot. Very inventive of you to come up with such a scam! The prologue is nicely done with Van Gogh's descent into another period of madness. Some pretty intensive research must have gone into this part. Nicely done and I could easily carry on reading your complete upload if I had the time. May this gain enough visibiity here to enable you to find an agent/publisher. Much impressed and happy to back.

A Knight wrote 1098 days ago

Excellent premise. It gripped me right from the start. Vivid descriptions made this incredibly believable, and this was supported by some excellent and believable characterisation. It's quirky and funny, without descending into the absurd, and makes for a fresh piece in the genre.

Fantastic work.
Abi xxx

Eveleen wrote 1100 days ago

Murder in a care home. Well, it happens in real life too, backed, hope you've time to read mine.

yasmin esack wrote 1101 days ago

Your short pitch does nOT do this fine work justice
backed with pleasure
Wonderful!
Best

AuthorTom wrote 1102 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

eloraine wrote 1106 days ago

The pitch pulled me in and carried me effortlessly through, well written. Backed. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Roy Munday wrote 1106 days ago

Thanks for you kind comments, Harold. Hope to have the next chapter up by next week. Many thanks. Roy

Hi Roy, What a great read! I like the opening chapter. It hooked me and I didn't stop until the end of chapter 3. Well written and I look forwarded to the remaining of the book. I back it. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

wespollet wrote 1107 days ago

Hi Roy, What a great read! I like the opening chapter. It hooked me and I didn't stop until the end of chapter 3. Well written and I look forwarded to the remaining of the book. I back it. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

mando wrote 1108 days ago

Love this premise! Cannot wait to read more of this. Backed.

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1109 days ago

Fascinating stuff here! I started reading this book because of the intricate plot described in the pitch, but you really sucked me into Van Gogh's life story. I'm sure that photograph Mille took with her will come back into play somewhere, but I would read this for your descriptions of the art world alone. Lots of desperate characters and lots of craziness. A pleasure to read!
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Roy Munday wrote 1110 days ago

Unless you are going to bring the artists into the story intermittently as you go along, I agree with Iva P. The prologue doesn't seem to add to the actual plot. The story itself is great and carries you along, eager to find out what happens next.
As a lot of people only ever read the first few paragraphs (you'll find out why as you go) they need to grab the reader and be representative of the work as a whole. The murder of Mavis would be the best place to start - that would grab the reader for sure - the letter can be revealed later.
Good luck with it. Sylvia.

Many thanks for this suggestion, Sylvia. Yes, I agree that one has to grab the reader from the start, and I could see the book starting as you suggested. I'll submit further chapters to authonomy over the coming weeks before making a final decision over the prologue. Best regards, Roy

Sylvia Lumley wrote 1110 days ago

Unless you are going to bring the artists into the story intermittently as you go along, I agree with Iva P. The prologue doesn't seem to add to the actual plot. The story itself is great and carries you along, eager to find out what happens next.
As a lot of people only ever read the first few paragraphs (you'll find out why as you go) they need to grab the reader and be representative of the work as a whole. The murder of Mavis would be the best place to start - that would grab the reader for sure - the letter can be revealed later.
Good luck with it. Sylvia.

Melcom wrote 1110 days ago

You have obviously carried out a lot of research for this book, which adds to the interesting plotline.
You have a wonderful writing style one that engages the reader from the start.
The idea that this takes place in a care home has to be unique.

Happy to back this one.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Roy Munday wrote 1110 days ago

This is a silly, fantastic premise - I love it! Can't wait to find out what happens. (Oh, there is a small typo in your pitch - it should be "whose", not "who's) BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)


Hello Elizabeth. Thanks for pointing out the typo error.
Best regards, Roy

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1110 days ago

This is a silly, fantastic premise - I love it! Can't wait to find out what happens. (Oh, there is a small typo in your pitch - it should be "whose", not "who's) BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Bocri wrote 1110 days ago

03 May 2010
18:46

As a devotee and admirer of all things relating to Vincent van Gogh I was impressed with the wealth of detail that appears in the relatively long first chapter. The writing is confident and competent without descending into a 'Not many people know that' litany. Van Gogh is misspelled in many instances but that can be remedied by proofing.
The comedic element, in the care home, kicks in in the second chapter and we have a different but nonetheless capable voice for the narrator. Due to only having three chapters on display I assume that the two themes will dovetail. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Iva P. wrote 1110 days ago

Hi Roy! I began to read your book and I will back it or not after reading more chapters. The first thing that occurred to me was that you should consider dropping the prologue. I read it impatiently, wanting to get to the real story – that of the care home. You really don’t need to include van Gogh’s bio (it still reads like a bio despite your effort of dramatizing it with dialogues). To readers interested in art a glimpse of Vincent’s life adds nothing new. The others certainly know he was a famous painter and that should be sufficient for the time being. I’m sure there will be more about him later in the story.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Maggie P wrote 1111 days ago

Hi, I liked this a lot, the way you begin in the past, setting the scene nicely for what follows. I look forward to reading on, good luck with it, maggie P.

Julia Rhodes wrote 1111 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy is a very well planned and brilliantly written book.
It is very clear that the a lot of thought has gone into the detail.
I enjoyed reading it very much and thought the whole premise was excellent.
Very well done.

Amylovesbooks wrote 1111 days ago

This is good. The Van Gogh history was nicely done, and I enjoy your writing style. The only fault I can see is that there isn't more of it to read! Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Jim Darcy wrote 1111 days ago

This reads really well and is crying out to be made into a screenplay! It would be hilarious! The dry humour complements the pathos and means that we can't hate Gloria and the rest, even if we feel we ought to. Dialogue convinces and your background on van Gogh shines. Great bank holiday read. Thank you.
Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown
only spotted one typo centuary should be century?

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

lynn clayton wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

lizjrnm wrote 1111 days ago

My kind of novel - backed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1111 days ago

Highly original plot with obvious movesinto TV or film. The characterisations will be vital but you seem to realise that and are doing OK. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

soutexmex wrote 1111 days ago

Welcome aboard, Roy. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your second comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. You may wanna end it with one succinct question to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SusieGulick wrote 1111 days ago

Dear Ron, I love your premise for your story. :) Your letters posted are pretty impressive. I suggest you finish your story & get it on authonomy, then use whatever suggestions you want to implement, after it's on. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

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