Book Jacket

 

rank 5855
word count 46921
date submitted 02.05.2010
date updated 18.02.2013
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

The Van Gogh Scam

Roy Munday

Residents of a care home are facing eviction. Their only chance of salvation - create a Van Gogh masterpiece and sell it in a scam

 

Danny Roberts’ art career is going nowhere.
He’s penniless; his wife has walked out on him and he’s a crap teaching job in the Three Elms care home - whoes owner is quietly murdering the residents to gain their remaining assists to solve her financial problems.
A group of misguided residents, unaware that they are being quietly killed off and led by ex-conman Alfie Edwards, come up with a plan they believe will rescue their home from bankruptcy.
If Danny can fake a long lost Van Gogh painting, it can be used in a sophisticated scam and raise the millions needed to rescue the home. Danny Roberts is horrified at the suggestion, but eventually is persuaded by Alfie, and the scam is set in motion.
Oh, and just one of the problems to overcome. First, they’ve got to steal the original Van Gogh’s famous Sunflowers painting from London’s National Gallery!
This story moves at a pace through both the low and the high end of the international art world where the provenance of a piece of art is everything and where everyone is willing to bend the rules in order to gain either prestige or money.

 
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tags

, adventure, art, art world, comedy, conspiracy, corruption, fiction, money, murder, painting, thriller, van gogh

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Chapter Nine

(that same afternoon)

The London taxi dropped off Alfie and Agnes on Chelsea’s King’s road. Once the taxi drove away, Alfie looked hesitatingly around, trying to get his bearings, rather like a dog chasing its tail.

    Been years since I was in this area. Seem to recall that Charlie’s place wasn’t too far from a pub – In fact, we did most of our dealing in it. And putting his fingers to his lips. Oh, what was it called... Potter... something Potter.

Handbag classed tightly to her, fearing some mugger might be lurking nearby, Agnes chastised.

Should have looked in the flaming telephone directory first – Could have looked this Charlie mate of yours up under ‘antiques’. No, here we are, middle of Chelsea and he might be miles away –

Chelsea! exclaimed Alfie triumphantly. Yes, that’s it! The Chelsea Potter! Then, as if everything was suddenly crystal clear, trotted off excitedly. Yes, yes, seem to remember it was in this direction.

Agnes struggled a few steps behind him, still complaining.

    ‘.…He probably went out of business years ago – I mean, it’s been ten years since you retired.

    ….He’s got to be around here somewhere…. 

They were finally forced to pop into a local shop and ask its Asian owner who was able to point them in the right direction. In rapid steps Alfie, with a breathless Agnes struggling to keep up, they walked the two hundred yards to where they found the Chelsea Potter pub. Alfie stood outside, taking in the place, and said in a tone of nostalgia. 

Good God. Place hasn’t changed a bit. Still as I remember it –

Agnes sniffed the air disapprovingly and said.

Looks a bit run down.

Yes, well. I bet they still serve up a great pint. At least it hasn’t changed into one of them trendy wine bars selling cheap plonk at high prices. Without further hesitation, Alfie pushed his way through the door, emerging a minute later, his manner very upbeat. Taking Agnes by her arm, he steered her further up the King’s Road.

Eventually they found themselves in a back street and in front of a double fronted antiques shop. Like the Chelsea Potter, It had seen better days, thought Agnes, and the windows were crammed full of useless antiques of every description. She squinted up at the peeling facia and read out the name displayed:

Charlie Holland Antiques, established 1924 –

    Yes, well, the name is genuine, quipped Alfie while stepping up to the door, though the 1924 is a bit way out. And chuckled. Probably should be nearer to 1980.

And what about that logo: member of the antiques guild? she questioned suspiciously, knowing Alfie’s dubious background.

As false as the date, admitted Alfie. But it gives the business a credibility to potential customers. And revealed in a whisper, in case Charlie might be listening. Charlie was a printer for years, then he got into the antiques business doing a bit of ducking and weaving like the rest of us. Last I heard he was doing quite nicely thank you very much. 

    At the push of the door a bell gave out a little tinkle. Once inside Agnes closed the door and took in the claustrophobic interior with its musty smell. She felt the place represented a junk shop rather than one offering rare antiques.

A few moments later a curtain was quickly drawn aside at the rear of the shop and an overweight figure emerged, aged – guessed Agnes - in his sixties and dressed in a sweat shirt that revealed a bulging beer belly. The wobbling figure was wearing a pair of out of fashion tracksuit bottoms and on his feet a pair of old trainers. Agnes’s first impressions weren’t favourable of either the business nor of Charlie Holland.

    Hello, Charlie. Long time I know; thought we’d pop in. See if you were still in business.

Blinking against the grey light that managed to penetrate the gloomy interior, Charlie Holland’s chubby face broke out into a smile of recognition and while extending a hand that displayed several large gold rings, he warmly greeted in a Cockney accent.

    Why if it aint fackin’ Alfie Edwards. Must be all of five years since I last saw you –  

More like ten years, said Alfie.

Really? That long. Then losing his smile. I was sure someone in the trade say you’d died couple of years back.

    Yes, well – Have had a couple of scares – You know, the old ticker, explained Alfie, patting his heart. Found me collapsed once in Peckham high street. Luckily for me an ambulance was nearby bandaging up a drunk; otherwise I’d be a goner. Alfie then quickly introduced Agnes and after a brief conversation to bring themselves up to date, Charlie invited them through the curtain to his back office. The space was small and again it was cramped with the kind of dusty junk that Agnes felt would never find a buyer. A large wooden desk with a green leather top was shoved against one wall, the other walls were covered with a collection of prints, watercolours and oils, none of which caught Agnes’s eye and the kind of art one would find in any market town salesrooms on a bad day. Charlie invited them to sit down in a pair of sagging leather chairs.

After switching on an electric kettle at the side of the desk, Charlie wobbled over to a nearby sink and began to wash cups.

.Yeah, you got out of the business the right time, Alfie, he said with his back to them. Since that fackin’ IKEA outfit moved over from Sweden, turned the antique market upside down. Now people can’t get enough of it. Can’t even shift jewellery anymore. Twenty years ago and I couldn’t get enough of amber – bracelets, necklaces, you name it I could sell it. Then all this fackin’ designer shite took over and suddenly everyone is buying direct from the internet. ‘Ere, only to look at EBay – with revenues of billions a year it’s taken our trade away,’ and turning from the sink, wiping cups with a grubby tea-towelIt’s taken over the fackin’ market place. The old antique fairs have died a death and now comes along this thing they’re calling a credit crunch. I mean, where does that leave the small honest trader like me?

    It wasn’t until they were settled with mugs of tea and Charlie was squeezed into his swivel office chair that he asked.

So, what brings you out this way, all the way from Putney?

    We’re after a couple of bits and pieces, said Alfie from over the lip of his cup. In fact we’re looking for old paper –

    Newspapers? pre-empted Charlie through narrowed eyes.

    Not newspapers; notepaper, smiled Agnes. Ideally, pre 1900 –

    Pre 1900... said Charlie through a vague shake of his head. Think you’ll be unlucky.

    What about notepaper that came with an old writing desk you might have bought up? asked Alfie, leaning forward in his chair. When I was in the trade I quite often came across writing pads, pens and inks just shoved in the back of drawers, forgotten.

    I haven’t found a set in the past fifteen years. Problem with paper is, it deteriorates quickly and there’s never been any call for it, said Charlie.

    What about ink? asked Agnes, beginning to think they’d made a worthless trip. Again Charlie pursed in lips in thought, then said.

    Might be luckier there. I do get the odd request. Sometimes get an old artist by the name of Tom Hickman who comes in for it. His oeuvre is pen and wash – From what he tells me, he knocks out these fackin’ pen and wash drawings, mostly hunting scenes from the shires, sells them on to the fine art trade to collectors who can’t afford the genuine article – Then through a conspiratorial smile – or he’s passing them off as the genuine thing. But haven’t seen him in over a year. Oh, also a lady pops in wanting similar.

    So you might at least have the ink? Alfie asked hopefully. Charlie nodded his head. Think I’ve got some pots left out the back in the stockroom. Bought a five drawer Victorian office desk couple of years back from a Doncaster salesroom. Amongst a lot of crap, you know, paperclips, lacky bands and old invoices dated around the time you’re looking at, several pots of ink. Yeah, think you’re lucky there. But regarding the fackin’ paper – ‘fraid you’re out of luck. Then Agnes asked.

    What about old books, Charlie? Do you deal in books? Again he pursed his lips.

    Books? Books about what? Antiques? Fly-fishing? Model railways? he asked.

    The subject doesn’t matter. They just need to be old ones, said Alfie. Pre 1900’s. Those with end papers that haven’t hopefully already been torn out or defaced. Charlie Holland was beginning to put two-and-two together and half laughingly said.

    ’Ere, you thinking of creating an undiscovered ink drawing by Walter Sickert or something? Alfie tapped his nose and replied.

    Ask no questions, get no lies. Charlie Holland understood. He knew the fine art and antiques trade was full of dodgy stuff, and he knew enough about Alfie Edwards’ past to know that he was probably still working the odd scam to top up his miserable state pension.

    Yeah, got plenty of books back in the stockroom, inclining his head towards the back of the shop. Been meaning to throw ‘em out – Thing is, can’t fackin’ give ‘em away these days. And further complained. It’s the likes of that fackin’ Amazon dot com. Squeezes us little people out. 

    Can we take a look? asked Agnes, pulling herself up from the depths of her chair; thinking that if they were unlucky here, then they’d need searching elsewhere.

Charlie Holland skilfully moved his large frame through the cramped space, lifting his arms, turning sideways as he squeezed past his stock as if engaged in some kind of delicate limbo dance.

Agnes and Alfie were forced to follow the same dance, while Alfie kept up an enthusiastic patter. And while rubbing a hand over a polished oak desk inlaid with gold he commented.

    ….Oh, I like this piece, Charlie. Now that is a genuine piece of furniture –

Came from the Earl of Derbyshire’s estate. Said Charlie over his shoulder. Then Alfie was picking up a teapot and squinting at it appreciatively.

Nice little piece this teapot, Charlie – I like the floral decoration. Once again Charlie turned his head over his shoulder and warned.

Don’t drop that, Alfie, came from the same sale as that desk. Fackin’ genuine 18th century Cream ware, is that.

How much you asking for it? asked Alfie. Thinking a sale might be in the offer, Charlie adopted a friendly tone and said.

Now, you couldn’t have picked up a nicer piece, Alfie. Made by the famous Leeds pottery turn of the eighteenth century. A rarity nowadays. But it’s yours for one-hundred-and-fifty knicker. Alfie gave out a short laugh.

 Definitely not Leeds pottery. And rubbing his fingers over its surface. Glaze definitely not smooth enough. At a guess  – More like Stoke-on-Trent, late 1960’s. And quickly added insult to injury while placing it back down. In a car boot sale, pay anything over a fiver and you’d be robbed. 

In the stockroom Charlie Holland switched on the light and a fluorescent strip lazily blinked into life. Like the rest of his business, the stockroom had no order. It seemed to Agnes that items were stacked and stored according to if it could fit a particular space. She and Alfie were again forced to delicately pick their way to a pile of books stacked randomly on the floor.

    Now, anything pre 1900 is going to be fackin’ rare, sighed Charlie. Whenever I get something as old as that, I usually sell it on to the book trade. Mostly to Frank Green – Alfie turned the name over in his head.

    …No, no, doesn’t ring a bell does that name –

    Has a place on Sydney street. Been in the business all his life. What Frank doesn’t know about rare books isn’t worth knowing. 

     


 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

10

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zan wrote 1097 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy
Roy Munday

I love your plot. Very inventive of you to come up with such a scam! The prologue is nicely done with Van Gogh's descent into another period of madness. Some pretty intensive research must have gone into this part. Nicely done and I could easily carry on reading your complete upload if I had the time. May this gain enough visibiity here to enable you to find an agent/publisher. Much impressed and happy to back.

AuthorTom wrote 1102 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Bocri wrote 1111 days ago

03 May 2010
18:46

As a devotee and admirer of all things relating to Vincent van Gogh I was impressed with the wealth of detail that appears in the relatively long first chapter. The writing is confident and competent without descending into a 'Not many people know that' litany. Van Gogh is misspelled in many instances but that can be remedied by proofing.
The comedic element, in the care home, kicks in in the second chapter and we have a different but nonetheless capable voice for the narrator. Due to only having three chapters on display I assume that the two themes will dovetail. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

Linda Lou wrote 443 days ago

THE VAN GOGH CONSPIRACY
ROY MUNDAY
Hullo Roy. You are a dedicated historian, one of the reasons I enjoy writing about someone I have never really thought about beyond the art that he created. Your MS gives an inside look a this personality and the way Van Gogh interacted with those around him. Very good and easily starred. Please consider my non-fiction and thanks for that. LLL

D K Willis wrote 937 days ago

Roy, This is a terrific idea and it is well executed. I can't help but think that an enterprising producer would snatch up the film rights to this in a hurry. I think it would translate to the screen beautifully, and that would hopefully encourage more people to read the book. I hope your book gets the recognition it deserves. Backed with pleasure.

DK WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

Tom Balderston wrote 980 days ago

This is a great story-line. Some question on the plausibility of an owner taking the assets of nursing home residents. One, they generally have little, and their family is waiting for whatever is left. The family also watches owners very closly, especially those with money. But this should be engaging. Quite a caper.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

DP Walker wrote 1066 days ago

Hi Roy
This is a great idea for a plot - thrilling, entertaining and quite humorous at the same time. I love the cover but are you allowed to use it? Just a thought. Copyright and all that. You've managed to create a book with loads going on, but it's a smooth read at the same time.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Jayne Lind wrote 1069 days ago

Roy - I seldom gush on this forum, but this is outstanding, incredibly interesting, and very well written. I hope it gets published and sells lots of copies! Really good. Jayne

Raymond Crane wrote 1082 days ago

Your pitch needs some working on - there are some errors - but i LIKE it so I'm backing it - please have a look at my books - thank you and good luck !

Su Dan wrote 1084 days ago

you idea to begin with a letter is a good one. it sets up something real and serious. very good good work...
su dan...read SEASONS...

Barry Wenlock wrote 1086 days ago

Hi Roy, I enjoyed reading some of your book, which I thought sat nicely in the great British comedy genre, as well as being a thrilling read.
Vincent van Gogh is a very popular artist. Your story deserves to be popular, too, although perhaps not quite as popular as him.
Backed and on my shelf.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1086 days ago

Your cover is great - I'm a big Van Gogh fan. This is a fun thriller with interesting twists in the plot. BACKED - Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Famlavan wrote 1090 days ago

To say that this has a comic element to it also has a lot of depth and knowledge.
Thought the Van Gogh almost pre-teach was very good, engaging and entertainingly informative. I thought the structure of this book was very good as was the style it was written in. – Great story well told. – Good luck.

Burgio wrote 1092 days ago

VAN GOGH CONSPIRACY
This is a clever idea for a story: a nursing home in financial trouble, a starving artist, a mix of older adults whose lives are in danger . . . I like the way you begin this with Van Gogh. It sets an interesting tone for the whole story. I also like stories that present older adults in a positive light and this story does that well (with the exception of Gloria). I pictured a movie as I read it with aging Hollywood matrons staring in it. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 1096 days ago

Roy, your prologue was interesting and powerful enough to sweep me into the first chapter. Nothing to fault in those two sections.

Shelved with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Roy Munday wrote 1096 days ago

Hello Rosalind,
many thanks for your positive comments on The Van Gogh Conspiracy. Much appreciated. Will take a look at your book, though it will be a few days. Am very busy with my own art project at the moment.
Best wishes, Roy

Delightful idea, and you've done some research. It was great to have the Prologue, too. the dialogue runs along nicely in Ch 5. Well done - amusing. A couple of typos in 2 - goes for go and draw for drawer.

Good Luck. Heartily backed
Rosalind
Good for Him - another easy read but not such fun

Lara wrote 1096 days ago

Delightful idea, and you've done some research. It was great to have the Prologue, too. the dialogue runs along nicely in Ch 5. Well done - amusing. A couple of typos in 2 - goes for go and draw for drawer.

Good Luck. Heartily backed
Rosalind
Good for Him - another easy read but not such fun

zan wrote 1097 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy
Roy Munday

I love your plot. Very inventive of you to come up with such a scam! The prologue is nicely done with Van Gogh's descent into another period of madness. Some pretty intensive research must have gone into this part. Nicely done and I could easily carry on reading your complete upload if I had the time. May this gain enough visibiity here to enable you to find an agent/publisher. Much impressed and happy to back.

A Knight wrote 1098 days ago

Excellent premise. It gripped me right from the start. Vivid descriptions made this incredibly believable, and this was supported by some excellent and believable characterisation. It's quirky and funny, without descending into the absurd, and makes for a fresh piece in the genre.

Fantastic work.
Abi xxx

Eveleen wrote 1100 days ago

Murder in a care home. Well, it happens in real life too, backed, hope you've time to read mine.

yasmin esack wrote 1102 days ago

Your short pitch does nOT do this fine work justice
backed with pleasure
Wonderful!
Best

AuthorTom wrote 1102 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

eloraine wrote 1107 days ago

The pitch pulled me in and carried me effortlessly through, well written. Backed. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Roy Munday wrote 1107 days ago

Thanks for you kind comments, Harold. Hope to have the next chapter up by next week. Many thanks. Roy

Hi Roy, What a great read! I like the opening chapter. It hooked me and I didn't stop until the end of chapter 3. Well written and I look forwarded to the remaining of the book. I back it. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

wespollet wrote 1107 days ago

Hi Roy, What a great read! I like the opening chapter. It hooked me and I didn't stop until the end of chapter 3. Well written and I look forwarded to the remaining of the book. I back it. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

mando wrote 1108 days ago

Love this premise! Cannot wait to read more of this. Backed.

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1109 days ago

Fascinating stuff here! I started reading this book because of the intricate plot described in the pitch, but you really sucked me into Van Gogh's life story. I'm sure that photograph Mille took with her will come back into play somewhere, but I would read this for your descriptions of the art world alone. Lots of desperate characters and lots of craziness. A pleasure to read!
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Roy Munday wrote 1110 days ago

Unless you are going to bring the artists into the story intermittently as you go along, I agree with Iva P. The prologue doesn't seem to add to the actual plot. The story itself is great and carries you along, eager to find out what happens next.
As a lot of people only ever read the first few paragraphs (you'll find out why as you go) they need to grab the reader and be representative of the work as a whole. The murder of Mavis would be the best place to start - that would grab the reader for sure - the letter can be revealed later.
Good luck with it. Sylvia.

Many thanks for this suggestion, Sylvia. Yes, I agree that one has to grab the reader from the start, and I could see the book starting as you suggested. I'll submit further chapters to authonomy over the coming weeks before making a final decision over the prologue. Best regards, Roy

Sylvia Lumley wrote 1110 days ago

Unless you are going to bring the artists into the story intermittently as you go along, I agree with Iva P. The prologue doesn't seem to add to the actual plot. The story itself is great and carries you along, eager to find out what happens next.
As a lot of people only ever read the first few paragraphs (you'll find out why as you go) they need to grab the reader and be representative of the work as a whole. The murder of Mavis would be the best place to start - that would grab the reader for sure - the letter can be revealed later.
Good luck with it. Sylvia.

Melcom wrote 1110 days ago

You have obviously carried out a lot of research for this book, which adds to the interesting plotline.
You have a wonderful writing style one that engages the reader from the start.
The idea that this takes place in a care home has to be unique.

Happy to back this one.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Roy Munday wrote 1110 days ago

This is a silly, fantastic premise - I love it! Can't wait to find out what happens. (Oh, there is a small typo in your pitch - it should be "whose", not "who's) BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)


Hello Elizabeth. Thanks for pointing out the typo error.
Best regards, Roy

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1110 days ago

This is a silly, fantastic premise - I love it! Can't wait to find out what happens. (Oh, there is a small typo in your pitch - it should be "whose", not "who's) BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Bocri wrote 1111 days ago

03 May 2010
18:46

As a devotee and admirer of all things relating to Vincent van Gogh I was impressed with the wealth of detail that appears in the relatively long first chapter. The writing is confident and competent without descending into a 'Not many people know that' litany. Van Gogh is misspelled in many instances but that can be remedied by proofing.
The comedic element, in the care home, kicks in in the second chapter and we have a different but nonetheless capable voice for the narrator. Due to only having three chapters on display I assume that the two themes will dovetail. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Iva P. wrote 1111 days ago

Hi Roy! I began to read your book and I will back it or not after reading more chapters. The first thing that occurred to me was that you should consider dropping the prologue. I read it impatiently, wanting to get to the real story – that of the care home. You really don’t need to include van Gogh’s bio (it still reads like a bio despite your effort of dramatizing it with dialogues). To readers interested in art a glimpse of Vincent’s life adds nothing new. The others certainly know he was a famous painter and that should be sufficient for the time being. I’m sure there will be more about him later in the story.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Maggie P wrote 1111 days ago

Hi, I liked this a lot, the way you begin in the past, setting the scene nicely for what follows. I look forward to reading on, good luck with it, maggie P.

Julia Rhodes wrote 1111 days ago

The Van Gogh Conspiracy is a very well planned and brilliantly written book.
It is very clear that the a lot of thought has gone into the detail.
I enjoyed reading it very much and thought the whole premise was excellent.
Very well done.

Amylovesbooks wrote 1111 days ago

This is good. The Van Gogh history was nicely done, and I enjoy your writing style. The only fault I can see is that there isn't more of it to read! Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Jim Darcy wrote 1111 days ago

This reads really well and is crying out to be made into a screenplay! It would be hilarious! The dry humour complements the pathos and means that we can't hate Gloria and the rest, even if we feel we ought to. Dialogue convinces and your background on van Gogh shines. Great bank holiday read. Thank you.
Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown
only spotted one typo centuary should be century?

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

Roy Munday wrote 1111 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn


Lynn. Many thanks for your comment. And it's not insensative. The reason I've joined this community is to get people's responses, either good or bad. I'm totally new to this process and am still finding my way around. Many thanks again. Roy

lynn clayton wrote 1112 days ago

I love books that have letters in them because it's like having your nosiness satisfied. There's something very cosy and yet suspenseful about this. It's the sort of thriller I read. But I found the prologue a hold-up. Could the information it contains not be woven into the story? Sorry if that sounds insensitive. I got rid of my prologue for similar reasons. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

lizjrnm wrote 1112 days ago

My kind of novel - backed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1112 days ago

Highly original plot with obvious movesinto TV or film. The characterisations will be vital but you seem to realise that and are doing OK. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

soutexmex wrote 1112 days ago

Welcome aboard, Roy. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your second comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. You may wanna end it with one succinct question to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SusieGulick wrote 1112 days ago

Dear Ron, I love your premise for your story. :) Your letters posted are pretty impressive. I suggest you finish your story & get it on authonomy, then use whatever suggestions you want to implement, after it's on. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

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