Book Jacket

 

rank 5928
word count 10883
date submitted 09.05.2010
date updated 01.03.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Mind Games

Cristy DeLange

During a medical experiment Anthony Baker not only puts his own life but also that of others in danger.

 

A test tube containing a cure for various diseases in the brain goes missing from a lab in Los Angeles.

On the evening of the disappearance a young Latino is found dead in a car dump. When detective Sarah Wolters discovers that the victim is the son of Tabita Chandler’s boyfriend Jose Mendez, she takes the case personal.

Earlier that day in Amsterdam, Anika Jansen prepares herself to travel to the USA. Taking part in medical experiments in the Delphi clinic in LA, she hopes to recover from a brain tumour. Also on his way to Los Angeles is Anthony Baker; who is suffering from Schizophrenia and has sabotaged the new PAYE system of the Irish Health Service.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

, cancer, crime, criminal mind, deceit, fiction, games, ireland, medical crime, medical experiments, mind, mind games, murder, sabotage, schizohprenia...

on 2 watchlists

58 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

 

Prologue

 

March 1991 Iraq

 

    They belonged to the Second battalion of the Marine Regiment of the United States of America and were sent by President Bush to free Kuwait from the Iraqi invasion. As a hyena Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein had attacked their neighbouring country. He had checked out their weakest point and waited patiently to strike in the hours of darkness. 

    Their journey had been short, from their temporary home base Aalst in the Netherlands to Al Maqwa in Kuwait. Or that was where they supposed to have flown. Five and an half hours into their journey they had been hit by a scud fired by the enemy. They were just six mile from the town of Fahaheel on the Persian Gulf. From the 44 marines aboard the plane only four had survived the crash. Within no time the enemy had captured the four survivors.   

 

After a long ride which felt like an eternity, the four marines were brought into a room, or this is what they thought it was as they were blindfolded and bound by the hands. The marines were escorted by as many men as themselves. The captures were dressed in sand coloured uniforms and pushed the prisoners with Kalashnikovs. When the party came to a still stand one of the Iraqis said, “On the floor.”  The man spoke English with a heavy accent.

“Yes come on we haven’t got all day.” Another of the Iraqis said. Rudely he pushed his prisoner, as a result the marine fell to the floor.  A painful grunt escaped the victim’s mouth. “You bastard.”

“Ha I’ll give you a bastard. Here is another one.” Firmly the Iraqi kicked the man on the floor a second time.

“Leave him alone!” One of the other prisoners exclaimed. He had no idea where his assailants exactly were. He knew took a risk by shouting at the enemy.

“Shut your mouth,” said the man who had kicked the marine on the floor. “Quick, sit down on the floor and don’t let us ask you again.” The sound of safety pins slipping from the Kalashnikovs filled the air.

As fast as they could the prisoners sat down on a cement floor. The coolness of the material was a welcoming change from the heat they had been experiencing.  Then they felt hands on their faces and their blindfolds were taken off. All they could see were four silhouettes. Their faces were hidden by masks. Without speaking the men with the Kalashnikovs disappeared through the same door as they had entered, leaving the hostages in a semi dark room.

 

 

Slowly the prisoner’s eyes got accustomed to the little light that was entering the room through a tiny window at the top of one of the walls. It couldn’t have been bigger than two kilo bags of sugar in total and in the middle sat an iron bar.

Looking up at the window one of the hostages said,” How long will it take before one of us is tin enough to crawl through that?”

“Whoever has strength left to climb.” Another of the hostages said. They knew they were only joking and that was the only thing they could do in a dire situation like this.

They could be anywhere, anywhere in Iraq by now as the truck they had been transported in had driven for hours on end. To show their hostages that they were humane the hostage takers had given them water and some flat bread, but that was hours ago.

“It’s probably going to be me.” The tallest of the four said. “I’m absolutely starving. “

“We have been without food for nine hours and 15 minutes.” The man beside him said.

“Do you expect us to be here long than, Sergeant,” one of the other men asked.

“I have no idea, Collins, but we have to be prepared for the worse. We are in no position to gamble here.” The Sergeant answered.

“It must be day because otherwise we wouldn’t have any light, or did anyone of you see a light switch?” The tall man said.

“Never mind that, let’s find a way to untie each other first.” The man sitting across from the Sergeant moved around and said, “We can help each other by working together a third person has to tell one of us what to do and viola we have ourselves freed in no time.”

“Sounds like a nice game the way you say it, Clark,” the tall man said.

“So you go first than isn’t it, Brown?” Clark said laughing.

“Ok don’t be silly boys, let’s get to work,” the Sergeant said.

 

 

 

They were lucky the knots in the ropes were easy to untie and before long all four men were free to inspect the room. Except for the small window there was nothing, no furniture, not even a cranky kitchen chair or rotten mattress.

“Let’s try if we can make that hole larger,” the Sergeant said pointing at the window.

With no tools but only stones it was impossible to make any progress.

“It’ no use,” Brown said while he stood on Clark’s shoulder.

“We need to find another way out,” the Sergeant said.

“There is no other way,” Collins said. “The only thing we can do is wait.” His coloured skin was disguised, now they were all imprisoned in the half dark room they were all equal.

 

After several hours  the prisoners finally heard footsteps. The room was now completely dark and the men had to find their way through the room by counting the number of steps. There had been nothing else for them to do so each of them knew exactly where he was. Clark and Brown had even managed to free a large stone that was nearly as big as the window. All the time they had been locked in the room they’d heard explosions, sirens and the screaming noise of cars driving too fast.

When the door opened they could see one man standing in the faint light of an oil lamp which he’d placed on the floor. He held a basket and a flask in his hands. Not suspicious of anything the man moved closer and put the basket and flask on the floor. Just as he was doing this Brown put his arm around the man’s neck. Not knowing what was happening to him the Iraqi was an easy prey and within seconds the man was lying lifeless on the floor.

“Let’s go,” Brown said. “Before the others find out what happened.”

“Search him first,” the Sergeant said.

“There is not much here, Serge, only a pistol and some monopoly money,” Collins said after he went through the dead man’s pockets.

“All right so, one pistol is more than nothing and we might need all the money we can get. Now strip him,” the Sergeant said.

“What?” Clark asked.

“Do it, we can’t show ourselves in the clothes we’re wearing. We’ll be death or captured in no time,” the Sergeant said.

 

        The night was cool and they could hear the sound of rockets whistling in the distance. The sky appeared orange with a grey tint of dust from the falling bombs. The town they were in seemed to be deserted, if it wasn’t from the occasional gunfire it could have been a ghost town. Now and again bullets were fired which were answered, however no one showed himself. For the rest night was quiet, every sensible living person stayed inside their houses.

 

When the men reached a niche between two houses, the Sergeant said, “There must be western army men around here. We must try to make contact with them.” He was wearing part of the clothes of the man they had killed.

“That is not going to be easy. How can we do that without the enemy hearing or seeing us?” Clark asked.

“That is where the clothes come in,” The Sergeant answered. The men were sitting squat and were whispering.

“So that means only one of us can full fill the assignment,” Brown remarked.

“Yes, someone who speaks both English and fluently Arabic,” The Sergeant answered.

“Count me out,” Collins said with a smile.

“Actually you wouldn’t be such a bad candidate, because of your skin colour,” Clark said.

“Except that I don’t speak a word Arabic.”

“I think the whole thing is too risky, whoever is going,” Brown said. “I don’t like the idea of splitting up at all. It goes against everything I ever learned.”

“I do agree with you there, but this is not a normal situation. We are in the middle of a war zone, on the enemy’s territory, we have to take risks,” The Sergeant said.

“Ok, listen up men I am not asking for your permission. I know that no one of you speaks Arabic, but I do. However it’s not my intention to get caught.”

“What will we do in the meantime, play hide and seek?” Clark asked.  

“Of course not, we will need to find a shelter first, somewhere you’ll be safe and can wait for help.”

“I don’t like the idea. These houses seem empty, but I’m sure there are people inside, people we can’t trust,” Collins said. “It is highly likely that the civilians are hiding in their cellars. So we might find an empty house which in reality isn’t.”

    “If we only knew where we were,” Clark said, “Things would be a lot easier. We would be able to calculate how far we are from a friendly base.”

 

 

    Allowing his men no father debate, the Sergeant bode them farewell and crossed the empty road. The three marines stood for a moment and then they silently went their way. Keeping low and hiding in the shadows of the damaged buildings. Then Collins turned around to see if he could spot the Sergeant, but the man was nowhere to be seen anymore. Collins didn’t dare to call out his name in fear of alarming the enemy. It was the last time the men had seen their superior.

    Not long after they had separated from each other the marines were able to steal a car. The vehicle stood with one of its back wheels on the pavement. The side windows in the front and back were smashed and the men were obliged to sit on the pieces of glass. In the process of driving off they got rid of most of the fragments by wiping them on the floor with their bare hands.

    “Shit, I caught myself,” Brown cursed.

    “Don’t be a sissy,” Clark answered from the driver seat. He had wired the car and was steering the car in the direction of where he thought might be a way out of town.  

    There were only a few cars other cars in the village. Most of them were Mercedes from the early seventies. The marines were also driving a Mercedes.

    “How is everything in the back?” Clark asked.

    “Not too bad,” Brown answered. “I think I found something. It’s something hard, let me see.” As good as he could Brown held the item in the available light. “Ah, it looks like a coconut.”

    “Nice one”, Collins said from the front passenger’s seat. “Now use his head to crack it open,” he pointed at Clark.

    “Ha, that is not such a bad idea, I don’t mean use it on my head, but we can use it as a projectile,” Clark remarked.

    “You are reading too many fantasy stories, you must know better, things never go like they are in the books,” Brown said.

    “Books or no books, lads, I still don’t like the fact that the Sergeant went off on his own. What kind of behavior was that? I seemed almost to me that he wanted to get rid of us,” Collins said.

    “Yes it was odd what he did, however we make more change to survive when we stay together, we also make more change to die together,” Clark responded.

    “But what change would he have on his own?” Brown asked.

    “He can use his Arabic for a start,” Collins answered.

    “There is always an accent; they pick him out in no time and then what?” Brown asked.

    “You speak of the man as if he is already dead and buried,” Clark said. “He made the decision and he has to deal with it. It is our duty to find the save haven by getting the hell out of here.”

    “If it were me, we were still together; in fact we were all sitting in this car. Am I stupid, or did it seem to you too that he wanted to be on his own?” Collins asked.

    “Next you’re telling us he is on their side,” Clark said.

    “You mean Saddam?” Brown said.

    “Yeah, why not, you’ll be surprised what some people do for money.”

    “Could he have sabotaged the plane?” Collins asked.

    “Then we were a liability he had to get rid of. But why not keep us close so he could see what we’re up to?” Brown asked.

    “That is the $64,000.000 question,” Collins answered.

    While they were talking they had left the village and were now driving through a barren landscape. The petrol light on the dashboard had been burning for nearly ten minutes.

    “Any minute now, lads, any minute now,” Clark said.

    “What is happening?” Brown yawned from the back seat.

    “We’re running out of petrol.”

    “Well, I hope the Sergeant hasn’t been able to get a car and follow us,” Collins said.

    “I would have noticed him,” Clark said.

    The car began to prattle and after another few yards it came to a complete still stand.

      “Piccadilly Circus, all for Washington DC swap trains here,” Clark said.

    Reluctantly the Brown and Collins stepped out of the Mercedes, the soil of the land stirred up dust under their army boots.

 

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
pairofkings wrote 990 days ago

Hi Christy, the story line is intriguing and i will come back to read further, but i too agree for the need to spell check your work, as the typo's break my reading and stop the flow. Good luck!

Pairofkings

Phyllis Burton wrote 1146 days ago

Hello Christy, You have a good story line here, but I feel that it could do with a further edit: e.g. POV issues, a few typos and a general tightening up and it could be a good story which people will read and enjoy.
Best wishes to you.

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM

John Connor wrote 1410 days ago

Have to agree with previous comments re the opening prologue. It needs to be focused more for the reader, as they know nothing about what you have as an overall picture, so they need to be guided more. The writing is good, but think about reworking the start so as to give it more direction. Maybe find someone to critique it (not family) someone whose opinion you trust, mainly as a fresh set of eyes will pick up things you've become word-blind to.

Read & backed, but would like to see more when it's completed and re-edited

sharon cooper wrote 1421 days ago

Hello Christy. I've just enjoyed the first chapter. I'm hoping that as I read more I'll be able to keep all the stray elements organized. There seems to be several subplots building at the same time, and I'm interested in seeing how it all comes together. I saw several spelling and a few grammar errors, but the story is intriguing. You did a great job showing Anthony's mental illness.
Sharon Cooper
Seka

Barry Wenlock wrote 1421 days ago

Hi Christy, I enjoyed this and yes, there are lots of spelling mistakes.

I thought the four guys entering the room was okay. They were prisoners. It was intriguing for later. You are not writing from the POV of the soldiers, so no need to go inside their head(s) as Mark suggests (IMO).

I'd separate your dialogues consistently and your use of I have and I've, you have, you've (I prefer the latter for informal speech).

I liked the reference to flowers and death -- moody and evocative. Well done.

Switch on the spell check!
Backed,
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Barry Wenlock wrote 1421 days ago

Hi Christy, I enjoyed this and yes, there are lots of spelling mistakes.

I thought the four guys entering the room was okay. They were prisoners. It was intriguing for later. You are not writing from the POV of the soldiers, so no need to go inside their head(s) as Mark suggests (IMO).

I'd separate your dialogues consistently and your use of I have and I've, you have, you've (I prefer the latter for informal speech).

I liked the reference to flowers and death -- moody and evocative. Well done.

Switch on the spell check!
Backed,
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Markal wrote 1422 days ago

Cristy, I'm sure you'd prefer a honest crit, and why no one else has seen these, well ... I'm shocked.

You start off your prologue with the point of view of four characters when you tell us they all thought they were in a room. Chose just one of those characters and let us know what’s happening through him/her.

When they come to a stand-still, you tell us they come to a still stand. You also spelled “Bastard as basted” Also here, you write … “fell to the floor to the floor.”

I have read your bio and feel you should have a friend look at this, if they read it to you, you may spot any mistakes you've made. I'll keep it on my WL so that when you’ve cleaned it up, you can give me a shout and I’ll take another look at it, if you’d like me to, that is.

Mark.

Famlavan wrote 1424 days ago

Not only is this good I think it is very cleverly written. You have captured the characters perfectly for me. Dusting for fingerprint made me smile, obvious really but it is that sort of detail that makes this (to me) special. – Good luck.

ellen911 wrote 1425 days ago

I love the details that reveal deeper traits of your characters. You don't just tell us what they feel, but why they feel this. Beautiful and moving.
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

tyleradams wrote 1430 days ago

Very intriguing set-up. You switch back and forth between scenes with ease. I never felt I was getting lost when the scene changed, which is quite remarkable.

tyler (Almost Straight)

Owen Quinn wrote 1430 days ago

The writing is very focused here and the roads are set for the rest of the novel. Vivid imagery and solid characterisation makes this an entertaining read. look forward to the rest of it.

Su Dan wrote 1431 days ago

a well set out story, written with great care; should read more...on watchlist
su dan...read SEASONS...

Cristy DeLange wrote 1433 days ago

Cristy
I watchlisted this on the pitch alone. I got a little pulled out of the story by a few typos and some details which didn't quite fit, like the Italian music coming from a Greek car, counsel, etc. Needs a bit of work but backed.

Paula L (Rollover)



I don't see where u see the problem with Italian music. Italian music is very popular in Greece.

Paula L wrote 1433 days ago

Cristy
I watchlisted this on the pitch alone. I got a little pulled out of the story by a few typos and some details which didn't quite fit, like the Italian music coming from a Greek car, counsel, etc. Needs a bit of work but backed.

Paula L (Rollover)

DP Walker wrote 1434 days ago

Hi Cristy
A fantastic start to a novel. You develop your characters beautifully and set the scene well. There are lots of things going on at once but you write so well the reader is not confused. Loads of questions unanswered and loads of suspense. Certainly my kind of book,
DP Walker
Five Dares

Marcus Fisch wrote 1435 days ago

Wonderful ideas. Backed with pleasure. Kane (The Alchemsts' Cookbook)

lionel25 wrote 1436 days ago

Cristy, your work definitely has potential. You may need to brush up on the phrasing of a few sentences, but a keen editor can easily fix that.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Andrew Burans wrote 1437 days ago

A very intriguing and well thought-out premise tying many strings together. This is a finely crafted, well paced and well written piece of work. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is superb - especially that of Anthony as you drill down into his physci. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

mvw888 wrote 1437 days ago

A sincerely plotted novel, with characters in three different locales gearing up for their stories to collide. I like the pacing, how the story goes between these settings, seeming to build pace while the reader is slowly clued in. I jotted down a few things in the first chapter. In the second paragraph, you have "fresh" followed closely by "afresh." I'd change one of those. You have "Anthony trudged to the couch. Politely smiling at his wife, he sat down beside her." I picture trudging as someone plodding along, sort of dragging his feet. Hard to imagine his dragging his feet while he "politely" smiled. Maybe he had a tight little smile, or he didn't trudge? I found the change from Anthony's POV to May's to be pretty abrupt. It sort of jarred me; maybe you could ease into it with a sentence or two? In chapter two, I wrote down this: "It had been clear from the beginning that his mother was not going to recover from the cancer. Although he knew that his mother was dying, the news had still come as a shock." I think I'd redo this to one sentence. Although his mother's cancer was terminal, her death still came as a total shock. Something like that--the other way is a bit convoluted.

Otherwise, I thought that the story idea was first-rate and very intriguing. Some editing still needed but a good job started. I really enjoyed this.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

klouholmes wrote 1438 days ago

Hi Cristy, Fascinating, your characterization of Anthony and his paranoia. And the man cutting off electricity in his house. The other characters presented are concise and tease as to their connection and concerning the virus cancer cure. The vignettes make an enticing start to the premise's puzzle. Unusual! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Zeta Pi wrote 1438 days ago

I have to say, I’ve read your pitch but when I start reading I don’t really understand what’s going on here. Is Anthony’s marriage an illusion? Is he really in the mental institute? One reason for my confusion is that your pitch tells us he IS living in a mental institute, and it is reasonable to expect the story to start there. Perhaps you need to change your pitch. Another reason is the opening is from May’s POV, although this changes to Anthony’s within paragraphs. Soon after that it shifts back to May’s. If you clarify this confusion though, you could have a terrific book on your hands, as the pitch promises an exciting and thrilling read.
A couple of suggestions:
You need to write ‘forties’ in the opening paragraph.
Also, I find the speech marks for the voices are a bit clumsy. I presume you’re trying to differentiate them from thoughts, but it looks odd on the page with the italics.
All the very best with this.

zan wrote 1438 days ago

Mind Games
Cristy DeLange

Cristy,
Your short pitch was more than effective in getting me interested in this piece - "Anthony Baker lives in a mental institute. One day he is offered a deal; take part in an experiment and be free again." Who wouldn't accept this offer? I think you have a very good storyline and I was happy to dip into this. Your opening chapter held my interest and I enjoyed your various settings - New Bridge, Los Angeles, Amsterdam. Nice mix of characters - although I must say I mistrusted the doctor's advice regarding Anika's tumor behind her left eye - force of habit I suppose. This is well written with credible characters and a clever plot to stimulate, excite and engage the reader on many levels. Best of luck in finding a publisher.
Zan

Linda Lou wrote 1438 days ago

hullo Cristy. Very good in that you separate each charecter, event, action then draw them all together. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Linda Lou wrote 1438 days ago

hullo Cristy. Very good in that you separate each charecter, event, action then draw them all together. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Linda Lou wrote 1438 days ago

hullo Cristy. Very good in that you separate each charecter, event, action then draw them all together. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Linda Lou wrote 1438 days ago

hullo Cristy. Very good in that you separate each charecter, event, action then draw them all together. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Linda Lou wrote 1438 days ago

hullo Cristy. You have done well separating your charecters, locations, and events and then hooking each into the next. very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

hkraak wrote 1439 days ago

MIND Games: Wow! You certainly know how to set up a story! Every chapter has a new snippet of information that keeps the readers on the edge of their seats. I love Anthony's creepy voices. I also like Anika. Well done!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

Hypo99 wrote 1439 days ago

I liked reading this and I shall, indeed, be returning. Good writing and great skill and of course, a good story line.

Backed

Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

nakiacap wrote 1439 days ago

Something you would want to see on CSI or Law and Order. Very enjoyable.

NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

Bradpete wrote 1440 days ago

This has the makings of a very good film and an even better book. Strong plot, strong writing and strong characters. I like to read as much as I can in a week while it sits on my shelf. Therefore, you can rest assured that you are backed...with pleasure.

Pete

DMR wrote 1440 days ago

The premise of Mind Games is what made me want to read this.. and I am certainly not disappointed by the story so far.. I like that there are different threads going on which I know will converge at some point, and Anthony is thoroughly fascinating as he battles his illness... I can't wait to read more to find out how it all comes together.. Good stuff! Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

chvolkoff wrote 1440 days ago

At first, I was confused by the introduction of so many characters...but then, everything started to gel, and I was caught in the story, which is multi-layered, complicated, but well exposed and clearly written, with believable characters and careful descriptions of locations and states of mind. I like the fact that our protagonist turns out to be a female detective, that we know how she feels, and that the premise is so original and different. Very well done, and backed :)

Burgio wrote 1440 days ago

MIND GAMES
This is a good story. The premise is great: a murder; someone stealing a new drug; people volunteering to be research subjects . . . You have a good character in Sarah; she’s likable and very sympathetic because she’s suddenly personally involved in this drama. Your writing style works well for this: brief and clear and easy to read. I’m adding this to my shelf. (A small thing: I have trouble telling what is on the cover; I thought it would be a guinea pig but it looks like it has a peak). Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Rakhi wrote 1441 days ago

I really enjoyed this. The beginning is done just right and I liked that Anthony was introduced to us from his POV rather than May's. It has a better impact and we quickly get to know him and his state of mind. The introduction of the other important characters simultaneously, back and forth is also very effective.
Your writing is smart, precise and fluid.
Backed earlier and glad to read on.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

mariecapri wrote 1442 days ago

Hello Christy. You certainly have an intricate plot here. Your writing is good and the characters are well portrayed. Best of luck! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

Winney wrote 1442 days ago

There's a lot going on here. The section with Anthony in Chapter one come through the clearest, you did a great job of description there. In his mind we saw his paranoia, the way there were voices in his head. You head-hopped in the same scene to his wife, but it worked in the story so the flow would remain. It was strange to switch to the different scenes, Los Angeles, Amsterdam, three weeks later. You need to make the scene changes more definite, marked by asterix or something. Otherwise I want to cling to the previous section. There is some strong writing here, as you try to intrigue us. Thanks for the read and good luck!

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1442 days ago

I agree with your other readers that this is a captivating premise, though you haven't shown us exactly how you plan to work it yet, either in your uploaded chapters or your pitch. This isn't a criticism, as the pitch is stronger for not giving too much away. I was hooked into the read by your descriptions of Anthony 's actions around the house. I had a friend who suffered mental problems of another type--psychological adjustments to the frustrations brought on by a small stroke's debilhitating effects. The behaviors that bothered May--Anthony's insistence on performing household tasks solo and inadequately, the difficulty sleeping and wandering around the house at night, the genesis in the difficuties being brought on by a parents death--are all things I witnessed, so I credit you with a very credible portrayal. Happy to back this very promising story.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

ltravnicek wrote 1443 days ago

Good foreshadowings, attention-grabbing. Like the premise.
Lee Ann
Slightly Dented Halos

carlashmore wrote 1443 days ago

You know, I thoroughly enjoyed your premise - it certainly promises some excellent thrills and mystery. I also enjoyed your prose. Anika is a great character and you write with such an effortless demeanor it's like you didn't have to work hard to get this great story on the page - which I'm sire you did. That's the skill of a great writer. Well done.
Carl
The Time hunters

Amylovesbooks wrote 1443 days ago

It takes skill to write a story like this. I like what I've read so far, and wish you the best of luck with it. Shelved with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Jim Darcy wrote 1444 days ago

You do have a few spelling errors to sort out, especially in your long pitch which is what people, including agents, tend to look at first, so you want to make this as neat as possible. I think you set up the divergent positions of Anthony and May very well. In comparisons the rest of chapter 1 seemed very choppy and rushed. For instance, the doctor really needs a name to make her more 'real'. Just a thought.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Caroline Hartman wrote 1444 days ago

Dear Christy,
I've always liked this kind of story--divergent characters hone in to a meeting point. You are setting this us with great skill.
Best of luck. I see shades of Dean Koontz here. Enjoy yourself here. I've backed this.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

eloraine wrote 1444 days ago

Imaginative and I think you will do very well here, good luck. Backed E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

lisawb wrote 1444 days ago

`This is a complex plot with so much going on yet you are able to build it up gradually and structure it well. The characters come to life and the reader has empathy for Antony at an early stage. I am glad at the start that there is hope for Anika. I am still learning about grammar and editing so will leave that to the experst but so far a promising book.

Backed,

Lisa

Raymond Nickford wrote 1444 days ago

I liked the way you were able to show May as taking everything within her marriage as normal while, through the italicised thoughts of Anthony we see a different picture.
We can partly understand Anthony's doubts about her after the trauma of losing his father has effected him, and you go on to draw him and May very believably through crisp and realistic dialogue.
Then we see may's puzzlement over her husband's growing indifference to her, as May speaks frankky to her neighbour and in the neighbours responses and Anika's dialogue with the dioctor, I felt I could see that you have a talent for delineating characters through their individual ways of speaking.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Cristy DeLange wrote 1444 days ago

I know there are mistakes in the pitch, but I had only 25 words to write the pitch, what can you do? Call it creative spelling.

A Knight wrote 1444 days ago

Excellent premise. It gripped me right from the start. Vivid descriptions made this incredibly believable, and this was supported by some excellent, strong and believable characterisation. You do a wonderful job of subtly building the tension and creating empathy.

Fantastic work.
Abi xxx

AuthorTom wrote 1444 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

SusieGulick wrote 1444 days ago

Dear , I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book 24 days ago, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do gives your book points & the other person's book. :)

12