Shadow's Heir

fascinating start. i'm not sure where this is going, but i like akoto a lot. he attracts my attention with his angst and heartfelt duty and his general mystery.

me

I agree with Thetinman about the typo in your short pitch. You should fix it so people don't question the quality of your story, which is top notch. The beginning was decent, raised questions i want answered, and your ending was.... a very nice little cliffhanger XD
nicely done.
backed
~Zero, No Title Needed

Enjoyed the read. Your short pitch has a typo – horizon, which should be fixed as it turns readers off and is completely unlike the quality of your writing.
Story is compelling, you open well, and the quality is throughout your chapters.
Well done.

Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com )

We’ve Seen the Enemy

Highly imaginative and fresh with orginality.

Enjoyable read with an imaginative idea at its heart. Backed
Rosalind
Good For Him

Hi Hunter,
I'm happy to back you for this excellent work. Well done.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Very imaginative concept with a lot of mental visual scope for the mind! A great story with good interaction and drama! Backed.

N. Moore
Vicar of Wrynbury

Hi

This story unfolds well. Great writing and you build tension well. I liked the interaction between Lucille and Akoto. The dialogue is realistic.
Shelved.
A return read and comment would be appreciate.d
Cheers olga

Hi Hunter, A haunting outset. The Queen is portrayed well for sympathy despite her yearnings for Akoto. Her death in the forest is replete with atmosphere and foreboding. Then Akoto’s being haunted is swift in setting up the challenge of the Shadow. This has good momentum and fills in the reader without any delay. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Fantasy writing allows the creator full rein to devise larger than life scenarios, dark and mystic happenings, intrigue that defies belief, supremely admirable heroes and deviously vicious villains. Shadow's Heir excels - in spades. Engrossing. Backed. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

I hope it's not true that "only war will decide who lives and who dies in the end." Frankly, I think we all die in the end regardless. I guess that may not be true, though, if you have "gold magic" like Akoto. Even then, it may end if you have to "submit to the Shadow!" "Go, before the Shadow . . . finds . . ." Nicely done. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

The cover is very creepy but effective and the pitch is excellent. I love the opening her remembering her husband's death as he is impaled on the stake. It almost reminds me of the opening sequence of Bram Stoker's Dracula where we find out how he became Dracula, the sequence has often been called visually stunnng and that is how I picture your descriptions. I like the way you write about her husband's scent no longer being on anything and can imagine how heartbreaking that must be. This is so well done and is backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Shadow's Heir
Hunter B

Very dramatic and exciting story despite the bleak prospect of war. I enjoyed what I read so far. Your start, Prelude to Darkness, is nicely done. The world in 466 makes me think that nothing changes, nothing has changed. Some good dialogue here - Lucille seems real enough and you set the stage well with your introduction to the main character, Lord Akoto. Good ending to this part - Thump. Thump. She heard the whistle of an arrow. Thump. Thump. Thump - I'll be back to Thumb through further pages as time permits. Happy to have backed this HUnter. Best of luck with it.
Zan

Wow - this is a gripping, poetic story.. I would love to have this in paperback so I could curl up on the beach and read more about this amazing world you've created.. there's action, intrigue and an ethereal quality to Lucille.. this is good stuff Backed and best wishes!
Diane
Good Blood

Wow, this is gripping right from the beginning, and beneath that there is a spectacular world of that you have created. It takes a great deal of skill to weave something so complex, and I'm sure I'll be buying this from my bookstore before long.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Hunter, you have created your own world with its history, culture, and language...great writing!

I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

SHADOW’S HEIR
This is a good story. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time creating this imaginary world and it shows in the way you’re able to describe your characters and your settings in such detail. I was a little confused when I sent from chapter 1 to chapter 2 because of the shift in third to first person view, but as soon as I adjusted to that, this reads well. You have a knack for letting a reader get inside your narrator’s thoughts. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I'll be honest, fantasy is not my natural kind of read so I can't offer you any meaningful crit. However, I do think you write really well and, to my inexperienced ear, it seems to tick all the right boxes. Sorry I can't be more helpful but I have backed this for very solid, professional writing and a fabulous imagination.

You are a competent writer and your story draws interest right from the start. A great read
backed with pleasure.
Akoto seems Japanese to me and it is the only thing I found odd. Is he a real character from the past?

Backed

I have really enjoyed this read, you pull the reader in early on with a wonderful descriptive voice that is also restrained so as not to loose the storyline. Beautiful imagery and an intriguing start. I loved it and am sure I will be back to read more.

Backed with pleasure.
Jacqui
Once Upon a Blue Moon

Normally I'm not keen on fantasy but I was drawn to the excellent pitch. You certainly know how to create an atmosphere of excitement and drama. But for me, as in books of any genre, it was your characterisation that attracted me most. brilliant. Backed. lynn

Welcome to Authonomy and thanks for bringing such an imaginative story. I love adventure stories and this definitely fits the bill.

I thought I'd bring out something that I noticed. You have a good bit of dialogue in the story, but it can be a bit much to follow with all the narrative intertwined. Sometimes it is good to simply let the dialogue tell the story. Not all the time, but I think the occassional use of this method would help it keep moving along. That's my 2 cents - hope it helps.

Regards,
Ryan
The Steel Town Secret

You certainly have a gifted imagination and the talent to put it into words. It is easy to relate to these characters even if the story is fantastical! BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Dear Hunter, I love the twists in your story so that I never know how it will turn out. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Beautifully and evocatively written, I know you say that the chain mail gleamed when it hung on the stand but should you mention that it had been cleaned or it would have bits of flaking, dried blood dropping off it. Also, I know that anything is possible in fantasy but 'after-shave' seemed neither here nor there in a world of chain mail. If this doesn't create it's own following we may as well all give up. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Ok, so I really like what I have read so far. You have a rich world here, full of depth and emotion. I felt for the queen and was shocked when she dies too. The sudden switch to 1st person made me jump but I got used to it. You have a powerful tale in the making here. Did not notice any glaring typos etc. Looking forward to reading more.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown (also a fantasy)

This is a beautifully imaginative story.
I've read four chapters and each chapter introduces new characters to enrich the narrative.
The writing is clear tho' there are I think a few anachronisms, at least to my ear
Akoto's 'get a grip'.. and Oriana's ...'I tried, Da'.. clash with the sense of period you have so well created
I would suggest changing the phrases.
I'm watchlisting till I clear my shelf shortly and then I'll back
Good luck
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu

Welcome aboard, Hunter. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your second comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. With the long pitch, expand upon the story arch and break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question instead of several to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Loved it and I wish you the best of luck with it, backed with pleasure. Please have a look at Royal Blood Chronicles. thanks E.Loraine.

Lucille's reaction to seeing the impaled body of Donovan on the bed is meticulously described to evoke both the tragedy of the deed done to him and the very well researched period setting which transports us back to feel involved in the 5th century scene.
The description really captures both mood and emotion as Lucille realises that 'Donovan's scent had disappeared from the furniture' and 'he smelled still of soap' - real immediacy and carrying conviction as you do throughout your first chapter.
The bloody encounter with Akoto again bears all the hallmarks of your skill in turning description to the expression of your charcater's thoughts amnd emotions as Lucille's heart thumps the harder, her breathing is the more labored and the 'glint of silver caught her eye'.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

I agree you desperately need to work on your pitch, to not only draw the readers but any possible agents scanning the site.
This is superb writing it oozes richness and fluidity. Wonderful desciptions do a marvellous job of placing the reader at the scene.
You have created wonderful characters too.
A joy to read and I'm sure this will do very well on the site.

Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Hunter B.
before I offer my comment on your book, may I recommend that you work on your pitch. Yes your book is indeed about Demons, War, Love. So are dozens of other books on this site. What makes yours stand out? What is it about this particular book that will want to make a reader, not only read it...but offer a comment?
I read chapters 1 thru 3. Why? Because I always look at the works of new members to the site. Many people do not. So after the initial flurry of backings without comment you will need to offer a lure to the readers. Your Pitch is the first and most obvious chance you will have to do that.

Okay..now to the book. I found it to be excellent, crafted beautifully. The prose flowed effortlessly involving this reader from the outset. All the senses were utilized, a difficult thing to do. You had me seeing the candles flickering, scenting the wine and tasting the tears as the queen mourned her murdered king. You caught the emotions as she searched for his familiar smell. Then Akoto the changeling and his love of the queen, the question about the 'loss' of the child that may well have been his. Involved me and kept me reading. The queens death at the hands of the shadow. And the grief of Akota were done extremely well.

This deserves to do well on site.
I have backed it with pleasure.
Suzannah Burke.

You’ve done a great job on 'Shadow's Heir'. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I enjoyed it. I think you have a solid writing talent for the genre'. I liked Lucille and felt her reactions to the death, the loss of 'everything', were portrayed nicely. The pace was good. I was a little jolted when the POV switched unexpectedly from Lucille to the (demon) Akoto. (However, it could be that there was an extra space between those sections that didn't upload properly.) Other than that, I really liked it and was happy to back it. Well done!

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)