Book Jacket

 

rank 1554
word count 12447
date submitted 16.05.2010
date updated 01.08.2011
genres: Romance, Young Adult, Christian, Er...
classification: universal
complete

through green's eyes

Green H

a Look at my life's journey through poetry written from the depth of my heart.

 

through green’s eyes is a collection of poetry. It is the journey of my life and the unmasking of the true emotions and visions I have experienced.


My poetry is written from the debt of my heart for the sole purpose to share my friendships, family, love, lust, life, hopes, dreams, disappointments and heartache with the world.


My work is more than just words. It is my life’s tale turned into rhyme. Laid down on black and white to be exposed to the world and to show my appreciation, love and thanks to the people who has become such big part of my life and also to those I had to say goodbye too.


My poems are the journey of changes, not just in me, but around me and how that affected me as a person, friend, mother and daughter. A journey of how the history of simple thoughts, memories and stories slowly but surely turned into poetry.


Through green’s eyes is not just my mirror to show the world what I have seen or experienced, but the true stories of happenings from my past, presence and the future.

 
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tags

, addiction, brother, daughter, ego, eyes, family, father, fears, flower, friends, god, green, hate, heartache, love, lust, mother, nature, passion

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138 comments

 

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Dianna Lanser wrote 752 days ago

Green,

As I read your profile again and considered the fact that your poetry is an outpouring of yourself, I wasn’t sure I would feel comfortable reading someone’s most intimate thoughts. But I read your book anyway… and I’m so glad I did.

I was struck with your transparency and the beauty of your heart. There’s a humbleness and a vulnerability within that is rare to find. In chapter four I especially liked “for I have sinned” and “forbidden passion” Tons of sentiment and honesty provoked two totally different kinds of emotion in me. Now that’s poetry in action.

I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to copy your “longing” poem in my handwriting (I’ll give you credit) and put it on my husband’s pillow tonight… It‘s beautiful. And tomorrow night I’ll use “his comfort”

Chapter eight - I’m a mom and a daughter so your first two poems really moved me. Green, I’d say two thirds of your poetry has had that effect on me and I do not usually read poetry unless it’s in a song. In fact, I thought I’d like to put “heartache” to music.

You have gift… and it needs to be shared. If you don’t have a blog, you should. Release one of these poems every other day with the reason you wrote it and I bet you’d have lots of followers. I’d be your first one! Six stars!

Dianna Lanser - Nothing But The Blood
http://www.authonomy.com/books/37204/nothing-but-the-blood/

Jake Barton wrote 974 days ago

There is so much to admire here. You possess an understand the specific demands of pace, yet your poetry is not a manufactured product, striving for perfection but the outpourings of a sensitive and incisive soul. I've read them all, in detail, and only wish there were more here.
As to specifics, I picked out comfort and a saddened heart from chapter three, longing (wonderful) in chapter six and the poem to your daughter, fears of time, in chapter eight. All have that special 'something' that transcends the simple task of placing words in order and demands the reader's attention.
I like the lower case aspect, like the pitches very much, although the similarity of 'depth of my heart' and 'debt of my heart' in such close proximity caused a slight furrowing of my brow.
Excellent poetry, wonderful use of language to convey the depth of feeling and very professionally presented. I wish you well with this collection and have awarded six stars without a second thought. On my shelf for a spell with pleasure.
Jake

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Here's a general comment. There is nothing of the material world in your poems. This is good. And your focus is acutely on the heart, the passion at the core of life. I have never really been that passionate. My emotional reange is not massive. I'm a bloke. But I have learnt about passion from reading poetry. And I have learnt that women feel far more than we do and are often far better at expressing it. Your creative expression is absolutely passionate and distilled. Noting intrudes. You are close to emotions and life. The words themselves sort of get in the way. They are like musical notes on a page. But it is the music that we are after. I definitely can't write like you because I don't have your emotional range. But I can definitely enjoy it and learn from it.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 1052 days ago

Green,
How courageous of you to bare your soul for the world to see. Now you are part of everyone's experience, including mine. The verdant hue of Nature pervades not only your name but also your work full of life, freshness and beauty. Your imagery is not only clear but also tactile, I could almost reach out and feel what you have us envision. There is a certain chronology to the arrangement of your poems from a kind of birthing, to a tentative flirtation, to a love somehow intimate, somehow distant. Thank you so much for sharing your passion.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Tari wrote 1239 days ago

What a pleasure to read such inspired work. It is fresh, beautiful and has that touch of poetic melancholy that gives depth and richness. Your work calls out to be read and read again.

I loved the lines:

‘Til this day she stands tall’

‘How dark is the night ‘

Then there are those exquisite lines ‘But the question of God himself and the mystery of his own Birth.’

This line really touched both intellectual and emotional l depths with ‘To keep you in the debt of my heart.’

I also liked how you changed the rhythm in the poem to your daughter. The lines with just a few words in each, gave a tautness and an exciting contemporary approach.

I wish you every success with your poetry and urge you to write more. I would love to read more. I hope you are publishing.

I have given a very high rating and backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

LCF Quartet wrote 573 days ago

Dear Green,
I read until the end of 4, and all I can say is that you have a sincere style of writing and it's a contemporary piece of work for poem enthusiasts. You have pressed a finger on universal concepts, and your poems reflect the deepest parts of human emotions.
Another thing that I admired is your unpretentious voice and your use of comprehensive words, rather than complexity, I loved it!

Yet you brought them to the surface,
and now our journey begins.

Feeding on my weaknesses and
making it impossible to break free

You have strong, punch lines here...

One of my favorites was the 'ego'.

Green, I gave you high stars and will get back to reading more for further comments.
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Famlavan wrote 711 days ago

There is an elegant fragile grace to your poems, one that captivates, holds, then releases emotion.
You have a beautiful flowing style.

I will be interested to read more when your new work comes out. - Ian

Wanttobeawriter wrote 729 days ago

THROUGH GREEN’S EYES
I don’t know much about poetry but from the little I do know, this is a wonderful assortment of poems. I started at chapter 9 and worked backward. I like the range of poems you’ve included here; one because of a broken heart; one worrying about your daughter; another an ode to your mother . . . I also like the way there’s no fancy wording here; just honest emotion spilling out onto the pages. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

patio wrote 731 days ago

I love poems, so much, I have a collection of them. I love yours. I await you publishing them to have my own copy

Mooderino wrote 736 days ago

I don't read much poetry so not really able to tell you if these are likely to be published or not, but I certainly enjoyed reading them. i think they feel emotional and heartfelt, and I preferred the ones that rhymed (which shuold give you an idea of how well versed I am in the matter).

Didn't really find anyting to nitpick other than in the poem called Tigress where the last word is 'pray' and I wasn't sure if this was intentional or a misspelling of 'prey'. It would alter the meaning of the poem quite a lot.

Best of luck with it.

Adeel wrote 742 days ago

As a literature graduate my attention is always sparked by poems and other fiction work. I will just say that your poetry is impressive, beautiful, melancholy filled with deep-felt emotions. Highly starred.

Adeel wrote 745 days ago

The book is on my WL and will comment after couple of days.

Dianna Lanser wrote 752 days ago

Green,

As I read your profile again and considered the fact that your poetry is an outpouring of yourself, I wasn’t sure I would feel comfortable reading someone’s most intimate thoughts. But I read your book anyway… and I’m so glad I did.

I was struck with your transparency and the beauty of your heart. There’s a humbleness and a vulnerability within that is rare to find. In chapter four I especially liked “for I have sinned” and “forbidden passion” Tons of sentiment and honesty provoked two totally different kinds of emotion in me. Now that’s poetry in action.

I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to copy your “longing” poem in my handwriting (I’ll give you credit) and put it on my husband’s pillow tonight… It‘s beautiful. And tomorrow night I’ll use “his comfort”

Chapter eight - I’m a mom and a daughter so your first two poems really moved me. Green, I’d say two thirds of your poetry has had that effect on me and I do not usually read poetry unless it’s in a song. In fact, I thought I’d like to put “heartache” to music.

You have gift… and it needs to be shared. If you don’t have a blog, you should. Release one of these poems every other day with the reason you wrote it and I bet you’d have lots of followers. I’d be your first one! Six stars!

Dianna Lanser - Nothing But The Blood
http://www.authonomy.com/books/37204/nothing-but-the-blood/

Jane Catherine wrote 777 days ago

You can feel the presence of God in nature. I know you feel this and I do too. That's what your poems do for me. I'd love to see them all bound up between covers and held in peoples hands. Thanks for sharing and baring your soul! My suggestion is that you stand tall and read them aloud as to an audience as a way of self-editing (I do this lots myself). That way you can spot where the tenses of verbs are wrong, where the flow could be perfect with one change of word or addition of word for the beat. I'm not a writer of poetry but I love it. Already your rhythm cascades like a sparkling brook to the delight of your reader. Just a few rocks need to be moved out of the way for power.
Jane Catherine - The Celestial Proposal: Dare we Join the God-kind

D. S. Hale wrote 800 days ago

I like your Angel Tear. That's my favorite. I don't usually read poetry, but I am glad I picked up yours and gave it a try. Your words run smoothly and create a pretty picture in the mind. Thanks for posting this! And good luck with your beautiful poems.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

JKass wrote 803 days ago

Poetry is not my strong suit, and I do not have a nose for what some consider good. But I did find yours very enjoyable. Heartfelt and real, not some artificial creation to try to make money. This is the first poetry book I've ever read to completion, and i really like it.

sensual elle wrote 804 days ago

Another person recommended these to me. These are heartfelt vignettes, little windows in the author's life. It's as if in stead of a dated diary or senseless twitter or faceless facebook, she wrote her life in poems. How much nicer and more human!

Majorly backed!

Madam XY wrote 807 days ago

Wow, I enjoy this!

femmefranglaise wrote 811 days ago

Hi there, I don't really read nearly enough poetry - it's something I used to love but seem to have fallen out of the habit - so when I came across your book I thought I'd have a look. You write so beautifully, its so clear that it's coming right from your heart and I feel that I have shared these experiences with you. Particular favourites; I love the quiet, simplicity of 'the night', the 'butterflies in the tummy' feel of 'thoughts of you' and 'longing' is beautiful (my husband has just gone away for 5 months so I can really 'feel' that one. I really don't know enough about poetry to offer a critique so can only speak from the point of view of a reader and I'd happily have this on my bookshelf. Highly starred and on my watchlist so I can put it on my shelf when I do my next swapround. If you have a moment to read and comment on my book, La Vie en Rosé, I'd be very grateful.

Best wishes
Melanie
http://www.authonomy.com/books/39192/la-vie-en-ros-/

Caitlin Avery wrote 814 days ago

Nicely done! I began my writing "career" as a poet and hold this practice close to my heart. I will watchlist your book so I can read more (soon!) and add more comments as need be. So far: "A flower is born" very beautiful, and I totally remember my own experience as a new mom (incredible). The word "froze" didn't seem like the right tense though, since all the rest is written in the present tense. Also, "Tigress" is very interesting, and the last word through me. Is it supposed to be prey, or do you mean someone she is going to pray for?
Those were the only hiccups. Congrats! Caitlin Avery

A G Chaudhuri wrote 883 days ago

Dear Green,

I’m not a poetry person. But I’ve always believed that writing poetry is far more difficult than prose, because rhyme and rhythm are things that have been absent from my life for most of my life.

Strangely, when I started reading ‘through green’s eyes’, I found that I could not stop and thus finished it in one sitting. I believe that it takes someone of great courage and integrity to be able to bare their soul to the world. And what a beautiful soul it is.

My personal favourites: God’s mystery, comfort, thoughts of you, my confession, uncertainty, a saddened heart, addiction, letting go, enough, heartache, fears of time AND goodbye.

‘through green’s eyes’ has thus taken its rightful place on my profile page in the list of illustrious works that are simply too grand for a mere bookshelf to hold.

Regards,
AGC

Jennie Lyne Hiott wrote 906 days ago

Poems and non fiction are not something that sparks my interest but I decided to read anyway since your message. I read the first chapter of peoms and you wrote them all beautifully. So much passion from the heart engulfs every single one. Lots of luck with your book.

Jennie Lyne Hiott
Hearts and Lies

L_MC wrote 906 days ago

I'm not an avid poetry reader and it is a very long time since I studied poetry, so I am no expert on the mechanics of it. I can however comment on how much I loved this collection, it has heart and depth and real emotions that many readers will understand. I particularly enjoyed 'comfort' and 'thoughts of you'. 'Uncertainty' encompasses a theme that it took me a whole novel to write. 'Ego' had me smiling, clapping her on that back and saying well done girl for telling him. Having lost a family member in recent days 'a saddened heart' resonated strongly for me. Wonderful collection and one I would be happy to have on my real bookshelves.

MrKarats wrote 928 days ago

Hello Green,

I read the guidelines on your profile page and started to read one poem from every chapter. But then it didn't make sense to read only one, and I read more. Then I read them all. ha! They were easy to read, some simple, some insightful. I found the 'emotions' part to be closer to my taste, although I liked poems from other parts as well.

the ones that touched me the most are: tigress, ego, for you are, enough (I would have liked it stronger still), his comfort.

My suggestion on your poetry would be to avoid explanations. Words such as "because" , "but", "although", "however" hint of narration. This is not a rule, it is just a feeling I got from your poems. You tend to be a narrator. To me poetry is a short train with little wagons riding with great speed and crushing a wall. This wall is the reader's mind. And minds stand stronger when something reasonable hits them. When something non-linear or at least not based on reason touches a mind, the latter stands unarmed. That is how poetry gets its meanings through... :) Just my opinion.

Yannis

Melissa Koehler wrote 929 days ago

i read the first four sections and i have to say i normally dont like reading poetry but this time, i didnt mind it. i loved the comfort one. just loved it. you write so beautifully and i found myself being a little bit jealous. haha. the only negative thing i could say is i would capitilize the title.
i wish you the very best of luck with this. highly rated.
melissa :)
Gut instincts

KGleeson wrote 944 days ago

After a stressful few days I found it so lovely to sit down, music playing low behind me, and read your poems. Though some are so raw and filled with pain, they do have a very expressive quality and flow that I appreciated. There is a story there, your story and in some ways a story so many share at some time or other. Many of the poems in the emotions section have a style and rhythm that would suit music (maybe it's the musician in me- can't resist). One of the poems that I admired most was 'addiction' which in its words and in its repetitious pattern modelled so well what addiction is about. A short piece beginning and ending with the addiction that could be read as a loop, just like the addictive pattern.

I did notice one word in the poem after it, 'letting go' that had a phrase, 'years of build..' and wondered if 'build' was a typo because I couldn't understand the line. Also in the first poem you write the word 'frozen,' a past tense word when everything else around it was present tense and that seemed a bit confusing to me.

But it's lovely that you felt able to share these works on here, a difficult platform for poetry. Thanks for that. I enjoyed reading them very much. Kristin

mrsdfwt wrote 962 days ago

There is passion in your writing, and what a great concept. I am not usually drawn to poetry, but i couldn't stop reading. It's engaging, and knowing it to be autobiographical, i found it very profound.
Your pitch seemed a bit repetitive. I think the first paragraph sums it all up and there is no need for any more explanation. Of course this is merely my opinion. :)
On the strength of your poetry, I'm sprinkling many stars on "Through Green's Eyes".
Best,
Maria
Dark of the Moon

CMTStibbe wrote 967 days ago

Hesitantly, I read poems, wondering if I would understand the essence of them or if they will be too doleful to enjoy. Since poetry can sometimes be difficult to grasp, words feeling contrived or added for effect, these are completely natural- beautiful, skillful. They flow from the pen and the soul. For the reader, this is not only a refreshing change from the norm, but the visuals provide enlightenment. I enjoyed The Night and Tigress and I'm still reading. High stars and I wish you the best of luck with these. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Jake Barton wrote 974 days ago

There is so much to admire here. You possess an understand the specific demands of pace, yet your poetry is not a manufactured product, striving for perfection but the outpourings of a sensitive and incisive soul. I've read them all, in detail, and only wish there were more here.
As to specifics, I picked out comfort and a saddened heart from chapter three, longing (wonderful) in chapter six and the poem to your daughter, fears of time, in chapter eight. All have that special 'something' that transcends the simple task of placing words in order and demands the reader's attention.
I like the lower case aspect, like the pitches very much, although the similarity of 'depth of my heart' and 'debt of my heart' in such close proximity caused a slight furrowing of my brow.
Excellent poetry, wonderful use of language to convey the depth of feeling and very professionally presented. I wish you well with this collection and have awarded six stars without a second thought. On my shelf for a spell with pleasure.
Jake

Wendy Proteau wrote 980 days ago

Through Green Eye’s

I was never one for poetry and I hesitated before I opened the pages assuming I would be in over my head. Once I began, I was very surprised these were simple, elegant, rhythmic words set to paper. The language was easy and the emotion of each word set to paper was genuine and heartfelt. As I went through, I marked the names of the poems that I most felt stirred something inside of me.


A saddened heart-I love the feeling of washing the fears of another away and somehow saw myself at various points in my life feeling exactly what these words expressed.

Forbidden passion-if only I could find someone who could match the sheer intimacy in this poem. It clearly shows the lovers enthralled by one another. A tender moment shared by two who are fully wrapped into each other, tastefully written.

Letting go-touched a chord with me and how I felt at the loss of my father, I’m not sure if that was the intended meaning, but it described that moment when you miss a person far more than you realize. Waking up to realize they are gone for all time.

Lines of life-is a wonderful sum of a full, happy life of any woman and definitely a tribute to your mother and every mother who has reached their golden years. The finality of life is edged in the wrinkles of the ages. We all will be there one day and hopefully we can look back as fondly as this poem describes.

All my best with these heart touching glimpses into your thoughts, highly rated and backed to show my support of this wonderful book.

Wendy
And When
What Now

silvachilla wrote 982 days ago

Hi Green

So sorry it's taken so long to return the read :-/

Cover – Nice and ties in well with the title and your name too.

Pitch – ‘Debt of my heart’ is an expression I’ve not heard before and it confused me a little. Bottom of your heart, maybe? Not sure if it’s just a cultural thing though.

OK, so I don’t read poetry at all ever really, so I really can’t comment on the flow or anything like that. That being said, these are nicely written and seem to me to have a nice rhythm.

An Angel’s Tear is one I particularly liked – but the etc. Threw me off a tiny bit as the imagery was really quite beautiful after this.

Uncertainty – Lord, why did I read this. In my current circumstances it was enough to almost make me cry. In fact, this and the ‘Emotions’ poems did. They’re really quite sad and intense in places – even the ones that aren’t about heartbreak. Take that as a compliment. One thing I’ve always thought about poetry, and possibly why I’ve never read it, is that it can be a little bit too personal at times. To be able to tap into someone else’s psyche with your words is a very special gift. I think you have it.

Otherwise this is a nice collection of poems. Sorry I can’t really comment more than that – as I say I’m a total layman with poetry but I wish you all the best with this.

Silva

Storybook wrote 983 days ago

Beautiful work!
I feel the emotions in your words.
My favorite is 'comfort'
t iIs on my WL so I can return to it for further reads.

Linda
Ommay's Island (novel)
Soul Tattoo (poetry)

Neville wrote 983 days ago

Through Green’s eyes.
By Green H.


Enjoyed your book of poems, very potent thoughts, nicely done.
A satisfying read.
I found your very first poem, ‘A flower is born’, both interesting and calming.
It sets a precedent for what the reader is about to discover, as regards your writings.
‘Tigress’ came across nicely…maybe because of my book cover, but then again you capture the scene and stance of the Tiger very well.
Loved ‘Forbidden Passions’…one of the best in your book, there is a simple typing error though.
...He takes his time with every move he makes, crating (creating) the most perfect love scene…
I do hope that you do well with your book; there is a need for poetry books in the market place and yours would help to bridge that gap…well done!!
Stared and on my W/L for shelving, soon as possible.

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.

ecrumbley23 wrote 984 days ago

It is really amazing to find anyone that can write poetry like this anymore... nicely done!

Andy Szpuk wrote 986 days ago

A celebration and an examination of womanhood that I found most beguiling. There's a purity about these sentences that reveals the inner core of our mothers, sister and daughters. Absolutely marvellous!! Backed.
Andy

P.S. 'pray' should be 'prey'

denise juanita wrote 987 days ago

I took time to go on reading and find your depth of unknown, unseen, unreal and perverse to be well mixed within your writings. Many lines and versus caught my attention as they did many others so I will not repeat their comments here. I did see some grammatical and tense usage errors but none of that circumvents the depth of your poetry. I wish you God speed and continued growth in your gift for accentuating life and feelings through poems. Denise

denise juanita wrote 988 days ago

Thank you so much for backing my book, your support is most appreciated. If I may, will you please take a look at my real life medical bio 'the straw that broke the camel's back' and back if you feel it is worthy of your support. once again thank you, Denise I have backed you and will rate as soon as I finish reading.

julievanmeter wrote 989 days ago

Your poetry is hauntingly beautiful, melancholy, with deep-felt emotion.

I enjoyed your book very much and rated it highly.

God bless!

Julie Van Meter
Pursuing the Peaceful Path; Devotions of Faith

Ivan Amberlake wrote 992 days ago

These poems are filled with beauty, and some of them are filled with sadness. Well, perhaps that is just my perception of your creative work. I mean this sadness is beautiful, poetic. You managed to create poems on various topics, a flower, a tigress, God’s mystery - that means you notice more details than other people do in the world around us.
As for my suggestions, they are the following:
- authonomy chapter 4: from the heart: And I shall lay here [lie here];
- ‘thoughts of you’: as images plays in my head [play];
- ‘my subconscious mind’: I have giving into its powers [perhaps ‘given’];
- ‘forbidden passion’: as his eyes moves over her curves [move];
- poems in chapter 4 appeal to me with their intimacy.
- authonomy chapter 6: 'longing': If feel [perhaps, I feel];
- ‘for you are’: When you speak you voice [your voice];
- ‘addiction’ is my favourite so far – I adore such poems! ‘You are an addiction, a drug I crave for’ – this is passion, burning and fervent!
- ‘confused thoughts’ is very close to me, to my inner world – ‘Needles stabbing into my thoughts’ – that is rich!
- ‘his comfort’ should be read by all authonomists because it is really beautiful!
- I love the poem you dedicate to your daughter;
- in fact, this ‘dedicated to’ section is great!
- ‘lines of life’: first line – ‘shows’ should be ‘show’ … Her grandchildren sits [sit] … Memories plays [play];
- ‘my vow to you’ is gorgeous.
I have no doubt these poems deserve 6 stars. Keep creating the same beauty with words, for you have talent. I used to write poems and it was not so easy for me. You do a great job!
Sincerely Yours,
Ivan

Daniela Pitakova wrote 995 days ago

typo: in the thoughts of you : I stare at ... , in uncertainty: I want to scream... , ego: expecting me to jump when you ring your bell ...

Some typos I found that may be corrected. Your poems are vivid and mean plenty to you. I can easily relate to all of them. They are beutiful at the same time they are real, part of you. Good luck. fully rated
Daniela

eloravelle wrote 997 days ago

I like the simplicity and beauty and free feeling innocence of these poems but as I read further into the chapters they became more filled with emotion. I liked 'ego' especially. It shows the turn in your poetic voice. The change in how you feel. Thank you for sharing with all of us your poetry and a look inside of who you are as not only a writer and author but a person.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Broken Trust
This is a hard one to read last because it is super-uber sad. The heart is all to you and so to feel like this must be the worst of feelings. Though it is very sad, the poem is still also very dramatic, very strong, esp 'For I slowly pull the blade out.' Yet even amid the anger and hate you still dismount from the poem with a positive thought, unbowed by the sadness of it all. Quite an example.

I have enjoyed reading your words immensely and wld read more as and when you post them. Poets!

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

My Vow To You

'...for you have kidnapped my heart.' is another lovely line in another poem that is totally positive, life and love affirmative. And what are we for all our fancy progress and science and everything else if we lose track of what we are, creatures of emotion and heart.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Goodbye

This is such bold statement of truth and sadness. 'Today I waved farewell to another loved one.' Ach, we all get to know that feeling as we get older. It is a universal that you capture there. And it capturs two sides of the story, the deceased is not forgotten and the role of the mourner is given great dignity and importance. 'That I know' is also strong. And the positive ending leaves us feeling uplifted.

This line I love, 'We shall have no fear and pain'. We all need to read a line like that from time to time for all kinds of reasons, great and small. There is great strength in it.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Lines of Life

Poetry! They be lines of life.

But your poem is about real lines of life. I love this line for the image it puts in my head, 'Her grandchildren site upon her lap as stories she tells.' I can hear it with a SA accent also. It is sentimental, but such is life. Grannys love their grandchildren and the grandchildren will always remember those moments. This is a lovely line also, 'For she lived a life health and as long as can be.' And I, a strange man in a far off place, am affirming that she did, too, because I believe your words.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

'How wonderful your love makes me feel' ... I mean how cld anyone on the receiving end of such a line not just collapse in happiness!

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Back for more :))

Heartache and No Comfort

These two have the common theme of heart of course and I like the first four lines of Heartache, but it is No Comfort that bosses my eye because it is really tight, urgent, and seems to encapsulate your entire outlook of how things should be. The verbs are all very positve and active and the overall msg of it is beautiful.

I thought your poem about the night was the best one, but this one might beat it or at least equal it.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Emotions

This is my fave line 'Cannot keep away the desires my heart has on you.' We feel, we live the feelings.

For You Are

These two lines I love, 'For you are every woman's need, every woman's desire. (Hell, what it must be to be that!) Your eyes tell a thousand stories and you smile lights up her soul.' Ach, I am jealous. Some men are... But wait a minute the subject cld be a child. It cld be a mother talking about her child love. Ach, no the Greek god line. It's a guy. O to be able to write in a Greek god like way.

Addiction
The drug is a HE right? This makes me think your voice is the voice of life demanding life, the impetus of life.

Letting Go
'I feel a hand gripping my heart' ... you talk of things I have never experienced.

Enough
The passion in this one is almost desperate. It is a screaming read.

My Love
This is far more positive than 'Enough'. This is the upside of love, when the love object can do no wrong.
This is an absolutely beautiful line, 'I find that you dwell on the surface of my imagination'
Yet this line, o this line, is even better 'You beat incessant in the centre of my heart.'
We men never really know what it is to love like that. Only a woman can love like that.

Crying Out To You
The reapeated 'Why o why' is very strong, very emotive.

(more anon)

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Here's a general comment. There is nothing of the material world in your poems. This is good. And your focus is acutely on the heart, the passion at the core of life. I have never really been that passionate. My emotional reange is not massive. I'm a bloke. But I have learnt about passion from reading poetry. And I have learnt that women feel far more than we do and are often far better at expressing it. Your creative expression is absolutely passionate and distilled. Noting intrudes. You are close to emotions and life. The words themselves sort of get in the way. They are like musical notes on a page. But it is the music that we are after. I definitely can't write like you because I don't have your emotional range. But I can definitely enjoy it and learn from it.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1009 days ago

Here we go!

And no I have absolutely no objections to the ...................... nulls. Poets rule!

Orlando Furioso wrote 1011 days ago

Forbidden Passion and Ego

These feel like a pair, with the love object in the first poem finding the adulation unwelcome and hitting back in the second poem. I don't know which is the stronger of the two. But together they are definitely stronger read as pair I think. Ach, I wonder how it must be to be on the end of such attention? to be thought perfect? Yet nature is very cunning the way she makes such overwhelmingly beautiful curves for us to fall for. Words like beauty/ insane/ pulse/ curves/ touch/ desires really do drive us nuts. The best line in this one for me is 'Causing her to release a gentle breath'. Supurb.

The waspishness of the second poem is a total contrast. So physical beauty is not all, clearly. The key words here seem to be fake/ nothing/ heartache/ harm/. I love these two lines which make a neat rhyming couplet ..

You are so in love with that standing pose,
Shall i take a bow and throw you a rose?

I like the way 'insane' features in both of them..

Orlando Furioso wrote 1011 days ago

A Saddened Heart

This poem is back into positive territory where you are able to give to others. Unless the first person is Christ talkiing to the writer.

But it feels like the writer wanting to help others or another. I esp like the line, 'I will help you with your fears' and the final line 'Your life I shall try to mend.' They are just so positive and giving, life affirmative. The recipient of such support wld be lucky indeed.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1011 days ago

My Subconscious Mind

This feels in the same vein as the God's mystery poem, intellectually and spiritually speculative.

I love the focus on the creativity. It fascinates. I always wonder where ideas come from. We want those ideas. And yet... Too many ideas and we are mad. If we can't turn out subconscious minds off we are in trouble. The notion of having dream states blasting through our heads when we are awake is terrifying. So yes, the subconscious has to be active for us to create, but we don't want it to overwhelm us. So I agree with your feelings at the end of your poem, that getting back ot reality is always a good feeling!

The online world, places like second life, allow people to live richer fantasy lives, but can be dangerous, too, if we lose our grip of what is actually real.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1011 days ago

For I Have Sinned

The mood in this one is quite different to that of what has gone. It is as if some decision has been taken but things have not worked out and we see a terrible aftermath. The curling up gets tighter and the inner mood darker as we read. It is such a contrast to the homage to the night poem earlier and the darkness here is not good or beautiful in any way. Also the curling up offers little chance of making it life. Ach, there is real sadness in the last few lines. Many will understand that feeling exactly.

Orlando Furioso wrote 1011 days ago

Uncertainty

The contrast between the total positivity of the early ones I've read and these doubt laden ones is total. Yet life is full of doubts. How do any of us really know what or who we want? Or who we are even? The fascinating thing in this one is that you want the man to be decisive in his openness, something which many of us find really diffiult, as to open up shows vulnerability. But then maybe the strongest men are those who are not afraid of such emotional vulnerability.

Men are often told that we have to be decisive, positive etc. This is why we get scared of opening up because to open up may show a side to us which is less than decisive. But as I say, maybe it is they who are able to do that, who are not so brittle, who are actually the strongest of men.

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