Blush - Book One of The Atlantis Warrior Series

This is a well told interesting story. I think you have a potential winner.
Just a suggestion: Don't use more words than you need to. eg: While I hated lying to people, I hated explaining the real reason I was flying alone to people even more. I found it best to avoid talking to people altogether.
How about: I hated lying, but I hated explaining the reason I flew alone even more. I found it best to avoid talking altogether.

An emotional, engaging science fiction tale with well-rounded, complex characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Awesome world building. Brilliant writing. A pleasure to read. Backed.

After another read I was impressed still further by your grasp of what it means to craft a novel.
It reminded me of something I was reading just a moment ago about the difference between suspense and action.
Action and Suspense
Action means happenings
Suspense means uncertainty
With suspenseful material, we must place major emphasis on uncertainty and elusive solutions, all the while building the menace that challenges the characters. If we insert too much action, we shatter the delicate mood of anxiety we have tried to cultivate. Action is direct, forceful, while suspense is wispy, vague, even ephemeral. Keep them separate for the most part except when you want to leave the read hanging.
How do we do it?
Begin with something interesting, something dramatic to establish conflict.
Stop - at a point where the reader doesn’t expect it (the cusp or an explanation, the point of confrontation, the edge of victory, or defeat.
Satisfy yourself that the reader is intrigued, but don’t give away the answer or explanation.
Shift gears. If you’ve been doing suspense, change to action; if action, change to suspense.
Follow the shift to its conclusion (You don’t want to leave ‘em hanging too often – don’t break this one off in the middle.)
Conflict, Action and Suspense by William Noble

So all in all, well done and keep up the good work. Sana x

I've taken a look at the first chapter and I must say this is really good. You have crafted your story with expert fingers making a compelling read. I look forward to coming back to this when I have more time. All the best, Sana x

Great writing, and a wonderful hook at the end of the first chapter. The dialogue was well done, but it could have used more, especially in the last third of the chapter.

I've heard critics say you should never start a book with a dream. Perhaps you could put the accident scene in as a prologue.

Still, vivid descriptive passages and a great read. Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Jasmine works as a damaged character trying to make sense of her life. Dialogue is good and adds depth as well as carying the story along. Setting is detailed enough to achor the reader without swamping them.
This made for an entertaining read.
Did not notice too many typos etc.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Blush.
Although “Blush” starts with a dream cliché , you might, if it does not offend your artistic sense, start with “I finally gave up the house” and then insert the dream in italics, fade out, contrast with the memory of old house, and start the story. If you have time, do such restructuring in another word file, let it lie, then come back to it and see how it reads.

The no frills narrative develops the story at a pace that holds interest, and the characters are interesting. The first person narration is a good choice, as it lends credibility to an unusual idea. Atlantis has drawn much interest in fiction and BBC documentaries of late, and high technology worked into fiction has a wide readership.
Backed.
Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

You have a great story developing here and with your skill at characterisation are creating something a little bit special. I once was told that id you put 10 editors in a room with a book they would come out with 12 different opinions, it’s your book go with what works for you and disregard the rest. I think this has a real chance of working!

Hello Amy. You have a very emotional character in Jasmine, which you show well in your writing. The plot is good and you paint the scenes well Best of luck with this! acked, mariecapri (Cosmic lInx)

Ah the 'dream cliche' - personally I find NO issue with it, hence my book also starts with a dream! What better way to open, with the power to explain and show much more than a normal scene could? If done well like this, it can be extremely powerful and an unforgettable opening.
Great writing, well done. It's emotional and gripping - a real page turner...
Backed,
Aimee

Hi Amy,
Your first chapter is very well done, your writing is tight and entertaining but starting the whole thing with a dream is so cliche.
Could you somehow deal with the crash in another way? Everyone uses dreams.
Definitely backed, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Okay so the Amy's have to stick together, (it is a name thing I think). I really like this, I was swept up in her real by muffled pain. I enjoyed how you created a solid base and built from there and as the story began to move I was happy and excited to she where she was headed and how her life was going to turn out.

Well done darlin, SHELVED!

Amy R
Dead Air / Trust Me

Hi Amy, The tone of mourning does well in telling about the Victorian house and the dreary details before the cruise. Most of the details served the story and the grief although a few less would speed things. Once the tour starts, the other characters heighten things and when the suspected “re-enactment” begins, it’s carried off with flair. This takes off from solid ground! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

To those who read it all the way through - this story continues in the second book in the series, which I'm currently working on (I'll post it once I have enough written). While this book is complete, the story is far from over;)

Wow - this was GREAT. Just finished. Was a little disappointed with the ending - would have appreciated an epilogue, but I suppose it goes without saying it all worked out.
Backed,
A

Excellent writing with a character I can relate too. A brave intelligent woman in an uplifting story.
Happily backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

Hi Amy, I enjoyed reading the first part of Blush. Wonderful premise and story flow! Your character development is excellent and I found Jasmine thoroughly engaging. Just a thought... your opening sentence does read a bit redundant. You have 'almost' and 'not quite' in there and they mean the same thing... so I'd get rid of one. Just a thought! Either way, I enjoyed this. Best of luck. Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

What an exciting idea for a book! You've got a great imagination and an awesome main character. I like books that are a little different so this one is perfect. The writing is also dang good, it makes all this feel real. The idea of actually getting to be in Atlantis, I gotta admit I'm a little jealous! Your descriptions are great it feels real. I enjoyed this immensely.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I liked your pitch so I backed your book. I hope you can get a good cover for it. Please have a look at my books - thank you !

Dear Amy --

You have woven reality and fantasy together in a tight, beautiful blend. In Jasmine, you've created a character with whom we can easily empathize, and her adventures in Atlantis provide a unique, captivating backdrop to her struggle to go on surviving.

This is a story worth reading! BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

You vivid imagination has created a new world and your smooth writing stlye easily transports the reader there. Your sci fi love story is finely crafted and well paced. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is superb especially that of Jasmine - you portray her inner angst well. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Excellent writing. One comment in beginning, calling the "emergency number" in America is different in other parts of the world and world book sales is a goal for many. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Wow... fantastic new world with infinite possibilities,
plus an engaging character who we hope will get over
her problems and love again.. very well written I think,
the pitch sounded a little awkward to me.
backed with best wishes........... mikegilli The Free

Welcome aboard, Amy. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch should have a bit detailed about Jasmine's adventure. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Good that you end it with a succinct question so it piques your reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is sci-fi for grown-ups. The tragedy of Jasmine is intelligently explored and the mythic background is decribed in evocative prose. Excellent. Backed. Lynn

BLUSH
This is a good story. You have a good character in Jasmine; she’s likable and sympathetic because she’s lost her family and is so tragically alone. I’m wondering why you started this with her waking up from a dream; that’s done so often, it screams “amateur”. Why not have have her dose off when she’s already on the plane? Or add a short prologue that describes the accident and then shift to the plane ride (that’s when the story really begins). Either way, this is an interesting idea for a romance. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Chapters 1 and 2 used a lot of long'ish chapters. But since I enjoyed the story line, I decided keep reading. In Chapter 3 things were more normal. I will be reading more. Nice book and backed.

Just echoing the rest of the praise already voiced here. Well done!

Ryan
The Steel Town Secret

Hi Amy,
This is brilliant. You have created a wonderful world that is full if interest and intrigue. Your story is certain to draw in many readers and I have little doubt it will do well. Backed with pleasure.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Love it. My kind of book, this has a great pace to it. Your narrative voice sucks the reader into wanting to read more of your wonderful writing.
Love the fact you start off with a bang, superb.
The premise promises that the reader will be in for a hell of a ride with this fantastic read.

Can you tell I liked it yet?
Very HAPPILY shelved
Melxx
impeding Justice

Nothing makes the sound of a Hog (motorcycle) for those who live in distant parts of the planet; authors' interests are important. I like what I read and I'm sure that others will pay big bucks to read your work. "a Viking God laying siege on a new land," now that's powerful prose. Wonderful stuff. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Very evocatively written, no time wasted we are soon on our way. This is nicely constructed and already a page-turner. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

From her waking to her conception of the 'perfect man' and falling back to sleep, we get a feel of the hollowness which the MC feels when, despite now being a millionaire, nothing can fill the emotional gap created by the loss of her family in the accident.
I wanted to read on to learn of Jasmine's having descended from the Atlanteans, her involvement with Raemonn and the mystery that lies unanswered, as yet, to the question of whether she has to relinquish her only chance of happiness when set against the moral imperative of returning her tour party to their families.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Dear Amy, I love what can happen on the Bermuda Triangle - your story is fantastic. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

The terrific story-line set forth in your pitch is a real draw. And the first chapter throws us right into the middle of it all, from the accident all the way to Atlantis. You have a solid writing talent. This is a winner! I’m happy to back it.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)