Pole Dancer

Hi Carl!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

Fast moving and great dialogue. The characters are credible and believable. I look forward to reading to the end.
Eric Wilder - Prairie Sunset

Hi Carl,

Overall, this is a good story but it starts in the wrong place. You need top start where there is more action taking place. You can aways set the scene later.

There are also a few credibility issues. For one thing no police officer would ever be diverted to another incident when he has any suspect, let alone a murder suspect, in his car. And he would certainly not leave a prisoner unattended in the car even if he is handcuffed.

When he does reach the scene, he should give immediate first aid to the injured man, not spend time questioning what happened at this point.

When Leo makes his phone call you say he forgot about his coffee, but in the paragraph before this you say he finished his coffee.

There are a few typos and these and the issues mentioned above need to be sorted out before the story is publishable. However, the concept is good so it's worth spending some time on revising.

Ron

I liked your long pitch it made me interested and wanting to read it which is exactly the point. It’s nice to get lost in the millionaires world. Well crafted characters scoop this thriller into a page turner.

Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

I liked your long pitch it made me interested and wanting to read it which is exactly the point. It’s nice to get lost in the millionaires world. Well crafted characters scoop this thriller into a page turner.

Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

Great pitch, good pace and tension. Good luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

POW! Zippy, fuel-injected thriller that grips from the off. Super!
Backed with pleasure. Good Luck.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Very well written with some interesting characters. Backed.

Carol

Hi Carl,

`Pole Dancer` is a great read, it`s wonderfully written, fast paced and full of intriguing characters. I would most certainly buy this book. Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Gabriel)

Fun, fast, gripping. Liked this a lot. Well-written and some great characters in there. Nice work.
--R.N.

The writing is good and commercial (grabs attention) but the book is a bit short for a thriller and I don't think it would be taken seriously by a publisher at this length. I think you could expand it by slowing down the story a bit and letting you characters express themselves more. 'Staying in the moment' I think it's called.
It's on my watchlist for now.
Alison- Tom's Daughters

"Shot of Adrenalin" is right, Carl. You know how to tell a story and keep the pages flipping. Grab our attention, build a scene enough to lock in the curiosity, then pan to another, then back again. There's a lot cool things going on here - a lot of intrigue and a delightfully circuitous plot that I'm pretty sure is going to pay of in deep gratification.

Probably not my genre, but I found a well crafted story line packed to the brim with some excellent characters.
The build up from buying the yacht, through the house invasion to the shotting was highly readable, but it was the intorduction of the old mobster that really lifted it for me. He's a very good character, all you'd expect without falling over into stereo type.
Everything is here for a good, exciting thriller with enough tension to have the reader eager to turn every page.

Carl -- Enjoyed it. Thought of McGuane's "Ninety-Two in the Shade," which also became a Peter Fonda movie. You've got a fun bunch of reprobate characters to spend time with. If I can make a small suggestion, it'd be to prune out some of the past perfect verb tenses. It'll free up some of the exposition, make it more active. But this one is easy to back, best, Dave (The Tale)

Terrific story. Congrats.
You've really got inside these crazy people's heads.
Shelved with best wishes. mikegili The Free

This is very well done. YOu have the edgy voice and tone needed to write for this genre. I write thrillers, and believe you've written one that surely will do well on this thread. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

This definitely has the feel of a good, sit at the beach with a good book, book! Well-written and descriptive and it does have a good dose of dark humor.

Well done and happily backed
Denise

Yuo have not put 'comedy' in the description of this book.It may be black, but it's a hoot, and well written too. Better by miles than the pitch. Backed.

Thank You

Yuo have not put 'comedy' in the description of this book.It may be black, but it's a hoot, and well written too. Better by miles than the pitch. Backed.

I like this...it's not the kind of thing I could ever write, but it's exactly the kind of thing I like to read. I think the criticisms about your opening are debatable...I could certainly imagine a vain businessman calling his boat after his club. Some people are that brazen. Good set-up, straight to the point, immediately establishing a conflict between the sexes. There are so many books on this site, and obviously some you read and you know you probably won't find the time to revisit them, but this is definitely worth a second look. Have you read much Elmore Leonard?

Yes. First, thank you. I have probably read each of his books. i read absolutely everything I can get my hands on. I like Leonard's work. He probably has more dialogue than I do and he focuses on the male female attraction more than I. Pole Dancer is my second novel. My first was much worse and needs a rewrite. I have also started a third. It is really hard to write in scenes like I did and force yourself to cut them off. In the beginning, I never thought I would end up with fifty thousand words much less over sixty. peace in writing, Carl

I like this...it's not the kind of thing I could ever write, but it's exactly the kind of thing I like to read. I think the criticisms about your opening are debatable...I could certainly imagine a vain businessman calling his boat after his club. Some people are that brazen. Good set-up, straight to the point, immediately establishing a conflict between the sexes. There are so many books on this site, and obviously some you read and you know you probably won't find the time to revisit them, but this is definitely worth a second look. Have you read much Elmore Leonard?

This is quite good. Exceptional for this site. The opening does not ring true, and comes across as slightly cliched... Sterling the strip club owner calling his boat "Pole Dancer"... give me a break willya? This is simply not credible. Twist in a bit of humour (assuming the guy has some) by calling the boat something more imaginative... Is the name that important anyway? Sterling is interesting by virtue of being the club owner... no need to give us a double dose by having him stroke the boat... Just have him sanding it or doing something with it, but nothing to do with the boat's name. For me, it was a shaky start. Otherwise, I like your characters and I like where this is headed.
Frank

Thanks for your positive feedback. The entire book came from a remark I overheard about a pole dancer so changing the title is out. Actually, here in America naming a boat after your source of income is quite the tradition. I hope to one day name one something like "Novel Idea". Sterling can't sand the boat as he just purchased it for two million dollars. I mean, he could but anyone that dumb can't be my smart businessman. As far as his personality; I've found most successful businessmen to be quite dry in the humor department. I'm just yanking your chain. I really appreciate your backing and your book Artistic License, is pretty darn good too. I wish you success and I'm sure you will have it. Peace in writing, Carl

This is quite good. Exceptional for this site. The opening does not ring true, and comes across as slightly cliched... Sterling the strip club owner calling his boat "Pole Dancer"... give me a break willya? This is simply not credible. Twist in a bit of humour (assuming the guy has some) by calling the boat something more imaginative... Is the name that important anyway? Sterling is interesting by virtue of being the club owner... no need to give us a double dose by having him stroke the boat... Just have him sanding it or doing something with it, but nothing to do with the boat's name. For me, it was a shaky start. Otherwise, I like your characters and I like where this is headed.
Frank

A truly great read for this genre. I backed it with pleasure. You have a talent with your abiility to bring your characters to life. Bravo! J.B. Reed

Hi Carl,

This is an exciting and fast-paced action story that held my interest well. It is easily understandable why shooting an ex-mobster's son could start a dangerous round of events. The suspense is good, as well as the setting for this book. The Florida coast is a perfect choice. Best Wishes.

Backed 100%

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

This is well written, paced just right and with enough depth to your characters to pull the reader along and gain their interest. Great read for a bank holiday (UK)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Hi, Carl -

Excellent story. Great characters (what is it about Florida that makes for such interesting and 'out there' people with larcenous hearts?). And a tight, fast-moving story.

I'm a huge Carl Hiaasen fan, and I think you're going to give him something to worry about.

Backed. Oh yeah.

Best of luck here, and I'd love it if you could take a look at my book.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Poledancer

[Thank you for returning my backing. T. ☼☼☼☼☼☼]

Now that’s good, really, really, good. First the opening with the gleaming boat. Then the gradual introduction of the players. The changing POV is to my taste, and you get right inside their heads. Particularly when the cop gets the call to attend the shooting. See I didn’t know about the shooting and it’s a nice surprise when I find out how he’s going to fit in. Then Leo is introduced and again we don’t know Joey is his son until later—same thing. It all runs smoothly until at the end of chapter two Sterling smashes Leo’s legs and then an even bigger surprise, goes home to find Cali kidnapped. Quite apart from the now breathtakingly exciting plot, we are left guessing who has kidnapped her. Great plot, well structured, fantastic characters and dialogue. I’m backing this. If you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return, I’d be extremely grateful.

Pole Dancer
Carl Coger

Nice title. You should look into getting a cover which would distinguish it from others with the same standard HC cover and likely give it more visibility. Backed with pleasure some days ago and only just had time to read the first chapter. Your pitches reveal an exciting plot full of general mayhem and other delicious, suspenseful things for thriller lovers. Very interesting cast of characters, good dialogue and you know how to keep the reader's attention. As Cecil said to Leo, "I was pulling your leg." Just joking! Happy to have given this a spin on my bookshelf.

Brilliant start sixty-one and a half foot girl threw to start with!
Immensely impressed with this, strong, gritty and great read. I think the characterisation of Sterling and Cali is very good and the interaction has a real sense of tension. I’m up to going out with Kathy’s husband, but will be back to finish this.

Totally escapist reading. It's all such foreign territory to me that I haven't the faintest clue if it's realistic (for Florida!) or as over the top as it seems, but regardless it's enjoyable reading. The dialogue really seems to zing - the ongoing sandpaper scratchy conflicts between Cali and Sterling promise big sparks later on.... Luk - Pixelated

Nice stylistic writing. Reminded me of a good and gritty film noir. You've a good beat to your words and you are writer who writes for men and those are few and far between on this site. All reasons as to why I backed this novel. Nice Work, would like to leave it on my shelf for longer but this read arrow is a pain in the ass and I need to be on heavy rotation till i've picked up enough backings to put me back in the green, hope you'll help me out.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Is this a true story? Your characters just pop out the book. Enjoyed will be back for more.
Backed!

NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

No, It could happen though. Thanks, Carl

Is this a true story? Your characters just pop out the book. Enjoyed will be back for more.
Backed!

NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

hullo Carl. What a neat story which sounds so realistic. i can see it happening. it is amazing what can happen when the first domino it tipped over. great story. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Will do, Carl

hullo Carl. What a neat story which sounds so realistic. i can see it happening. it is amazing what can happen when the first domino it tipped over. great story. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

A poetic first paragraph and then an energetic ride through the first chapter - great action, tension, and dialogue setting up the characters. Good stuff!

Clever title, confident writing and a solid story. I rarely read thrillers but that has nothing to do with being impressed by this book.
Proficient dialogue with some snappy one-liners and altogether well thought out story line.This has to be popular with lovers of this genre. Backed. Margaret.

Hi Carl,
An intriguing roller-coaster of a thriller.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Thank you very much-now, if I can only get published;)

A very modern novel! I like the fast pacing to this and you really start off strong with this. I like your writing and this reads like a great action movie. I could see it playing in my head. So that's a good thing! You've got some great characters with some nice relationships between them, very believable. A fun read and I really wish I had time to read more, I'm interested to see where this goes!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

A very modern novel! I like the fast pacing to this and you really start off strong with this. I like your writing and this reads like a great action movie. I could see it playing in my head. So that's a good thing! You've got some great characters with some nice relationships between them, very believable. A fun read and I really wish I had time to read more, I'm interested to see where this goes!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Hi Carl, Swift characterization and good with Cali, Skeeter and Useless. There’s a exciting rhythm to the writing. Stuart’s entrance is also well-defined, gathering up the action between all these people. I especially liked the narrator voice. It could take me further! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Thanks, My daughter is an editor and is fixing all of that for me. Thanks, Carl

Dear Carl --

I would have backed you simply on the strength of your well-crafted opening paragraph, but it was so well done that I had to keep reading. Pole Dancer is an engaging thriller replete with intrigue and larger-than-life characters. I have the tiniest nit-pick: you often end dialogue with a period, then add " [Character Name] said." A couple examples in Chapter one are at paras 4, 5, 15 and 28 (as well as several more). This is a very small detail, but as I kept finding it, I thought I had better mention it. However, this mechanical error in no way detracts from the power of your story and is easily remedied.

Pleased to return your backing for The Long Black Veil! -- Delhui

Dear Carl --

I would have backed you simply on the strength of your well-crafted opening paragraph, but it was so well done that I had to keep reading. Pole Dancer is an engaging thriller replete with intrigue and larger-than-life characters. I have the tiniest nit-pick: you often end dialogue with a period, then add " [Character Name] said." A couple examples in Chapter one are at paras 4, 5, 15 and 28 (as well as several more). This is a very small detail, but as I kept finding it, I thought I had better mention it. However, this mechanical error in no way detracts from the power of your story and is easily remedied.

Pleased to return your backing for The Long Black Veil! -- Delhui

Pole dancer seems to me one hell of an intriguing novel with lots of twists and turns. Nice start up with the description of the yacht and the girlfriend is well described and highly believable.
See this one as a page turning novel.

Backed
The Lord of the Dawn

Dear Carl, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

This isn't really my type of book, so I can't make a detailed comment. Your pitch certainly promises excitement. I read the beginning and I think it very well written in a well-developed, easy to read style. Your first chapter seems very long to me and perhaps you could look at breaking it in two.

I wish you luck with it.
Cheers
Elaine
(Long Lying Below)

Definitely struck me as a guys' sort of book, between the setting and the concerns of the character, and the punchy prose. This is extremely well-written; it reads like any thriller you'd find on the shelf. Great pacing, great dialogue and you introduce knowable characters. From this first section, I would say this would be a story that would just pull you along, chapter by chapter. Very polished work.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

A friend of mine is planning to buy a boat, not quite sixty-one and a half feet, but between 30 to 40, I think. She should read this. "That boat can only mean one thing, Hombre. Somebody has a lot of cash." Yep, a boatload of trouble. "You think they got this kind of cache by selling shoes or something?" Simply the dialogue is great as is your description and your talent to weave a thriller. I'm glad you uploaded the complete text, so I can come back and read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.