The Traitor

Hi Edward, Cain and Raquel are both so defensive and threatened by the demise you’ve described so well. Their conflict promises of becoming more than that. I liked the mutant idea with Raquel’s wings. The writing is to-the-point yet it gives the essential depictions, furthering the action. Enjoyed it! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hello Edward. You have a wicked imagination and through your writing you portray the futuristic feel for place and character really well. I think Cain is a good character. I loved Raquel and got a vivid picture of her in my mind. There is a great plot to your story and it is exciting from the off. I'm sure it will appeal to its genre. Backed and best of luck with it! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

What you have uploaded so far is an excellent read. Your highly imaginative mind coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted science fiction thriller a pleasure to read. Your work is well written, well paced and your use of imagery is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Edward, your first chapter reads smoothly. Good use of a creative imagination. Nothing to nitpick in that section.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Very imaginative and futuristic. Dark and mysteriuos you begin well with New York and your descrpitions are good.
One nit-you use Rachel in the first tense somtimes. Rachel has, hasn't-should it be hadn't?

backed with pleasure
THE LORD OF THE DAWN

Hi Edward, I read three chapters and enjoyed them all. Some grammatical issues need to be addressed but this in no way detracted from the read.

You repeat 'ancient' -- 'ancient weapons and ancient machines' -- how about ' out-moded, or primitive,or archaic, or antiquated machines? One of those might do?

I've no hesitation in backing this, for it's originality, imaginative settings and charming characters.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

TRAITOR
This is a good story. I think the way you’ve set this so far into the future is interesting. You’re created a good mix of characters for this. I liked Raquel especially because she’s a “bat thingy” – and insists on people speaking English even this far into the future. Overall: it’s a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Welcome aboard, Ed. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. For the long pitch, you want to expand on the story arch and you want to break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Wow!

Backed!

Needs a little editing, but I found it to be a wonderous read. Epic voice and tone. BAcked.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

If an American Indian had written this work, he may have earned the name "Writes Well With Words." A suggestion is to paint a picture of Cain's appearance early on by perhaps glancing at a reflection in a broken window or pool of undrinkable water, etc. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

The pitch is exciting and gives an idea, but only an idea, of the truly dramatic opening. But it's the characters of Orion, Raquel and Cain which is the book's strength. That one of them is a traitor is almost too intruiging to be borne. Backed. lynn

Excellent. A powerful opening (the burning city) shows the epic nature of your work. It's like a huge movie. Patrick has mentioned some of the grammar issues that should be sorted out but these are minor. What isn;t is your grand vision and an epic story taht deserves a wide audience.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hunters

Certainly an original start and straight into the action. Read through slowly and edit some of the grammar--casted out (cast out?) teenager boy (Either teenager or teenage boy) charred concrete had fell (fallen). It gives a bad impression and that is a shame because this is very good. Pula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

This is off to a cracking start, immediately into the action, something I'm keen on doing myself. This is a great plot and your characterisation is superb.
It still needs a little bit of a read through for the odd mistake as below but that's easily rectified.

Cain also seen that her left arm, the armor was melted. Needs a rejig.
Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Dear Edward, I love you intrigue of a traitor in the midst - great story - the climax is unreal - tremendous. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

chapter 15 typo, 7th line from the bottom: "you're about to die" instead of "your"