Notes on an Orange Burial

Greg, This is so cool and its just as well I dont critique and only read the three chapters as a reader. Like the comments below, this is cool. I normally have to let you know that this isnt my genre, but this is so right up my street. what a laugh. So original with the quirky flow and pace to match. I loved it. Well done and I will be scoring it high. Best of luck.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

I find myself slightly unsettled by the brilliance of this book. Wow, more people should definiely be reading this. The material that yuo used was so orginial that I was a bit scared. I reccomend you read Life According to the Dead by: Laura Dzubay. you might find it inspiring.

Only one word to say on this. Brilliant!
Andrea
The de Amerley affair

Another backing for a book i really enjoyed the first time. I like originality and a good turn of wit, as well as a plot which moves and characters which live. Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

This is good stuff! You have a great sense of humor laced into a very clean, albeit cheeky, writing style. You also write the best rejection letters ever, and if nothing else Harper Collins should snap you up just for that! Very enjoyable! Critique-wise I only found the pettiest of things to pick on, but might as well fix them. My suggestions are in parentheses:
He (he) moved like a panther
without (with neither) fear nor hope
then (cut: he) walked over to the bench
"What's up dawg?(")
one of my poems?(")
A dandy read overall!
Best of luck with this!
Tod
The Lost Wink
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Terrific stuff and mightily amusing. Well done, Greg!
Philip John

Hi Greg,

A genuine sense of humor is infused in this book. I anticipate reading everything that is posted here.

David

Taking 'Notes' off my shelf for just a few days, Greg, to boost 'One Wrong Turn' .

Best Wishes M.

I have bought, read and loved all of Notes on an Orange Burial. If there was a reading list for unpublished writers in need of a good laugh, this should be on it. Jona is a crazy, inadequate, hopeless individual and his fantastic journey towards near publication (and death) had me laughing out loud and irritating my husband by insisting on reading parts out loud. Some of the letters and poems are frankly hilarious. The pace, the characters and the depth of knowledge of poems etc are all wonderful. I'm so impressed!
I'll be recommending this book to many, many people. A six star novel.

Hilarious!

Well I have bought the book, read to the end and its magic. I encourage everyone to consider this for Xmas presents.
Thanks Greg for a great read. NOw for your next one!
Cheers
Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of Time

Notes on an orange burial

I enjoyed what you have up immensely. It reminded me a little of Ruben Ruben and was slightly Oscar Wild at times. The comedy is delivered like paper cuts, quick jolt then the true effect. I can’t wait to see how it ends. You use the language beautifully so 6 out of 6 and I will back as soon as a space becomes available.
I was to engrossed to watch for typos, etc. and the whole work seemed very polished anyway but did notice the following.

Chap 1
Capital needed : Concerto #3 would have to suffice. he inserted >> suffice. He inserted

Will buy it when it comes out.
Andrew
PS. I found extra amusement in how the end of Chap 5 leads on to the Web site's "report abuse" button :-)

I read the last chapter and found it very interesting! your writing is one of a kind, and people might say isn't everyone's? no...
You made me think about a lot of things while reading, and wondering about others. It had a big impact! Loved it! soo creative beyond words!
You are a gifted writer, I look forward to reading the rest! Good job!

This is kooky and dark and wacky and delicious. The letters of rejection speaks for so many! I am so very pleased that as a teen he dressed like his heroine Sylvia Plath. I love your humour. I love this character’s delusions. How extremely satisfying on so many levels.
Best of luck with this. It really deserves to be out there in the world, making us chortle and writhe and chortle again.
Cheers
Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

effective writing for this book; good flowing narrative make this a very good book...
l shall back...
read SEASONS...

I am only half way through chapter one and have decided that your book is hazardous to my health. I have wet my pants from laughing so hard, my cheeks hurt from smiling too much, I'm nearly blind from the impossibly small font size and people at work are looking at me sideways. Perhaps when I get home and curl up with a decaffeinated drink on a large plastic tarp I will resume reading this most witty and fresh piece of unpublished literature.

Thank you for being honest and deranged enough to write it.

This is so much more readable in actual print. A brilliant read.

I am truly glad to have found this although it is not the kind of book I'd usually read. Five stars now and I am leaning towards backing this in December.

The posted material has nearly everything to cause Mr. Gluck to fret over his rejection letter. Poetry, life's situations as characters emerge, etc. etc. and etc. {I really like the misuse of my "etc."} (Even the "asides" are great because of reader identification with the great mind of the writer (pardon-the slip, AUTHOR). I do so love the literary world. What other world has the excitement, brazen, harsh brash reality of literary judgments liberally dispensed in the (I got one once) rejection letter. My only sorrow in regard to rejection letters was not saving them as wall paper because I read that money saver was previously tried. You obviously have another winner novel here, so I obviously will back it. However, I must alert you that my TSR is approaching the national debt levels in terms of numerous numerals--I may provide a fractional boost, but that's the best I can offer. Great work. Chuck

I think of Beckett for some reason, funny i often think of some other author when i read something i like here, self indulgent but forgiven becuase it can be funny at times, though sometimes the funny is predictable, a fine excuse for introducing some nice poetry, i read the first couple chapters, i think the author definitely doesn't like patchouli, though i am sure it would be a fine fit for jona's literate rapping park friend, who also seems like an alter ego more than a kindred spirit, the best audience for this is the writer of what folks call literary fiction, i think that is what they call it, but most of them don't read modern authors becuase they are trying to get publlished, writing, or can't afford books, but you make this thing fun and i can see it actually attracting folks who are new to the literary world, the writing is good, nice exposition, smooth (better than i can do and most authors here), i back it and ask if you would could you take a look at one of my pieces

I have one word for this stuff: funny, funny, funny.

Great message from Judy and I say Ditto to that.

Only twenty five days to go, Greg. My Christmas present giving this year is going to consist of a copy of 'NOOBS' and an orange. Before parting with them I shall trail my fingers across the cover in fine Jona fashion.... if I CAN part with them that is.

Mary.

PS Judy's story is excellent, can highly recommend it.

In anticipation of the publishing of Notes on an Orange Burial, I've again read all you're sharing on Authonomy. Drop date is the beginning of October, and I have marked my calendar, not only to pick up a copy but including uninterrupted time to read. I can't wait to have this manuscript in actual rather than virtual form, to savor each line and paragraph, knowing that as I near the end I'll be reading more and more slowly, putting off the last few pages for a day or so, if possible, to slow my arrival at the inevitable ending. (Fortunately, there is Noble Profession still in the works!)

Following the reading will be choosing where on my favorite bookshelf to place the hard copy. This particular bookshelf, which is huge, was built by my father, who loved books as much as I do. I have several sections to choose from for Notes. Philosophy? Comedy? Political satire? Poetry? Literary Genius. It will have to be placed among my very favorite authors.... Kahlil Gibran, Mark Twain, Barbara Kingsolver, Garrett Hardin, J.R.R. Tolkien, Barry Hughart, A.A. Milne, Harper Lee, Joanne Greenberg, William Kotzwinkle, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Isaac Asimov, Orson Scott Card, Vladimir Nabokov, John Knowles........ This will be no easy task...

Greg, best to you, you've done an amazing job with Notes on an Orange Burial. I really can't wait to have a copy!

-- Judy
P.S. Got my husband hooked on your writing, too. It's very hard to impress him. He's impressed.

This is terrific, just like my wife said it would be. I look forward to the hard copy next month.

Wishing you well,
Tom

Hi Greg, While I had many a chuckle with this, I could not help feeling that your material needed organising. Your script is all over the place, all of it entertaining, but it needs thoroughly marshalling - just like Jona does. Is it your way of showing us the ineptitude of Jona's life and thinking? The reader certainly gets the picture, but I am not sure it works as a method of presentation. It is not until half way through section V of Chapter three that you really begin to tackle his underlying problems - and the problems with your own book- by introducing the reader and his picky questions, which is a very good move.

For me, a fellow writer, there were lots of rueful reflections of the struggle to get into print, but I wonder if these would hold the interest of non-writers? If you rely on 'us' without attracting buyers from among 'them', I fear your sales will be thin - and would a writer buy a book about what are essentially the failures built into the current market? In the current financial climate people will buy only a book they want to keep, probably for reference. This one is thin on hard information and the structure is seriously off balance - or these chapters are, with long, subdivided and poorly built chapters, with fair chunks which say very little. - I fully accept that my reaction could have something to do with the difference between British and American humour, but it is not a good sign that I found myself skipping without intending to.

BUT it also struck me that some of this could make really good theatre - and people who are broke might well pay to be entertained, especially if it is good comedy. Have you considered turning it into a script? In particular, have you considered radio, where so much can be conveyed by a good, inflective voice? I can just hear Jona come alive in this medium. In the UK there are numerous small independent publishers of scripts, and radio flourishes like nowhere else in the world, especially half-hour comedy programmes of a wide variety. You can sign in and listen to some of them through the BBC website and can download them as ipods to keep. - They pay well, too, if they accept you, and there are quite a few Americans in there.

Good luck, whichever way you turn. The ability to make people laugh is rare and precious and I would like to see you use it successfully.

Margaret Woodward : Kilbaddy

writing something with the comedy tag is really tricky. i didn't think all your attempts at humor hit the spot, though many did. i loved the letter in the opening and the way you explain these aren't the actual words of the writer but rather the reader's perception.

i was hooked immediately by your unconventional mc. the physical description is original and well written. sometimes i felt like you were trying too hard to fill the paragraphs with jokes instead of just telling your story and allowing the witty narrative voice to come through naturally. your writing skill is obvious and i like the humor better when it is understated.

i liked the daydream he has about suicide that is ruined by his apartment not having gas. (also really enjoy 'plath-like' as a description.)

i didn't like that he realizes he must depend on his friends and then realizes he has no friends. i felt like this joke fell flat.

i didn't like the decision to refer to the 2nd sylvia as X. it doesn't make for a visually appealing read.

obviously, these are just my opinions. you have a really interesting concept, mc, and narrative voice. (and despite my own aversion to the rhetorical question, i liked your pitch.) good luck with this.

This is brilliant! I'm so glad it's getting published - can you message me or put a message in the forum when it's available? Would love to buy a copy. Was smiling within a few lines, and laughing out loud pretty soon. (Note - no acronym there!) The initial description of Jona, "frequently wearing slippers" is brilliant, and all these little touches - the skeletons of the cockroaches, the X for Sylvia, the poetic attacks... and the rejection letters, of course. They are pure genius. Fab stuff.

Just your letter alone had me nearly laughing out loud! Certainly enough to keep me reading!

The similarities between Jona and Sylvia Plath are brilliant.

The wine poem is hysterical.

I love the "relationships" he has with authors in the bookstore - I can totally relate as a previous bookstore employee myself...

This book is so intelligent and humorous at the same time, it's no wonder that it's been picked up for publication! I can't wait to get my hands on a hard copy and own it myself.

I love that Beauregard's mental health was first compromised by Finnegan's Wake. So funny!

One tiny little typo - you are missing quotation marks after "What up, dawg?", and at the beginning of the line "If you could sustain..."

The line about Eminem cracked me up as did his re-arranging the travel section by political relationship.

Thank you so much for such an entertaining read!

- Rena (Bunderful) - Master of the Miracles

It's 2 a.m. and I'm supposed to be sleeping because I have to take my son out driving first thing in the morning so he can finally get his driver's license.

I hope he doesn't get into an accident because I'm going to be very tired in the morning after staying up all night reading your witty, well written and absolutely refreshing story.

Thanks a lot for being such a great writer. *sigh* better make another pot of coffee...

Bravo! I love this. You had me laughing out loud - and I am one tough critic. This is one of the best things I've read here,and you are immediately getting a very rare six stars and migrating to my shelf pronto. I have one question: Why the eccentric spelling of Jona? It's a little distracting. Also, maybe you get to this later on, but some acknowledgment of the fragility of bricks and mortar bookstores seems called for (I'll confess I only read one chapter).

You've got a winner here. Reminded me a bit of High Fidelity - this from a big Nick Hornby fan - but your own, highly original story.
Andi Brown
Animal Cracker

Great to hear it's all going well.

JONA GOLD IS ON HIS WAY!

You made me wonder, if in fact the whole process of BEING, GETTING published, would so alter the author's psyche and attenuate the remnants of his soul, that it would be a form of suicide. His unique life print submitted to a series of battles in order to feature in wallpaper.

You never know, maybe we are on the safe side here. But will we learn?

Wow great news. I won't say Congratulations until the ink on the contract is dry. Oh! why not?

CONGRATULATIONS! Greg. I am so delighted for you I could haul Jona out of the pages and give him a big hug.

I must tell Ellie and Jumes they will be over the moon too.

Mary

Really enjoyed this, Greg. Remembered it from some time ago and from what I remember there is the ironic twist at the end which you have left out this time? I wonder what the HC review might pick up as their reason for not publishing (as they are prone to do- seem to be lots of well done for getting to the top table but...). It might be, as one or two comments have already suggested, that it is too literary and might have a small market? My only suggestion would be to look at chapter 1 to tighten the action a little. I know that might detract from the literary humour and be the last thing you would want to do but...No forget I suggested it. Just this feeling that HC might run with a tragicomedy but not necessarily a literary tragicomedy. Best of luck with your own search for the Magical ‘ISBN number and two testimonials from respected sources on the back cover.’
John

Jonathan Swift.

Came back for more. I absolutely love Beauregard, and that conversation with him and Jona is the best thing ever. I can hear his voice, his accent, and - he's right, you know. You should do rap.
The schoolteacher is great too, with Anais Nin spending all day changing sheets. Brilliant. Not sure about Plath though.

You could do some editing of the first half of ch.1 to quicken the pace and, to kill 2 birds, zap the typos. they;re all in that bit.

You won't like mine. It's not your thing. Happy to give you a spin .

Oh what a great comment from Billie Storm. We all love this brilliant book

I wandered here as a friend backed you. Admit I only scanned the first page or 2.
What brilliance, oh dear, and a beginning as firm as any hand I would take from a stranger. Does that make sense? What I mean is, if I were in the dark, which I am most of the time, I would listen intently to your every word, even if you were to lead me to a dangerous place.
Excellent work, a pro.
Rated.
Billie

This is hilarious. A joy to read - and on my shelf so that I can read on and send you some accolades at a later date.

:)

John
- The Lunatic Sings -

Superbly written. Extremely pulishable and very funny. Do you have a background in standup? You know how to set up a joke and deliver a punchline with maximum effect!

Hi Greg

This is very, very, very funny actually make that hilariously humorous or, oh I don't know what else to say but you have certainly given me a smile that will last the rest of my day!
I think my favourite bit so far was the description 'backside doppleganger'. Brilliant.
Besides your humour I think you are clearly a very talented writer and I will in fact be taking some advice from this book and look at my rejection letters in a different and better way. For that I thank you hugely.
Backed (and if I could back it a hundred times I would).
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

Dear Greg,

Thanks. Seriously. For I have laughed countless times in the last 10 minutes. Initially because I read your "about me" section and realised with some kind of relief/hilarity hybrid that there are some real writers on this site. I have only been on it for a week or so and have spent most of that time trawling hopeless sci-fi. The other laughter that I refer to came from the brilliant humour displayed in your first chapter. It's like Bill Hicks meets Oscar Wilde. Fantastic stuff. I have backed you on that basis already but will be back with further comments soon.

But for now, simply - well done.

Tony Duggan

Memphisgirl has summed it up oh so succinctly; she's a girl who knows her geniuses... genii. Oh, oh, I must pop over to her message board and concur.

I have been reading this off and on for weeks. Much like the protagonist's favorite CD, Kind of Blue, I come back to it for comfort and joy. I like to fall in love with the narrative presence in books. This rarely happens, and I'm pleased to say that in Notes on an Orange Burial, you make it happen effortlessly. You're on my shelf and on my best of list.

Memphisgirl (Lisa)

Greg,

How happy I am to have had the opportunity to read your work. Your extensive narration in the early chapters works because the writing is so full of wit and clever wordplay. I both liked and felt embarrassed for poor Jona, and couldn't wait for his world to be turned upside down.

This is smart prose for smart people, which is something quite rare and special. I'm starring and backing this, quickfast. -cc

Orlando -- the downtrodden editor with the cold lips -- tells me your word-loving corpoate outsider will have me in stitches. BACKED.

Ch 2
My personal fave is 3 and multiples thereof, 4 is far too square to my mind. But hey! I came back for another slice of orange.
I find myself returning to a handful of books for different reasons, sometimes the story, sometimes character. With yours it is definitely wit and lit. Your story has an otherness about it which I love. My one, and so far only reservation, is this: will the paying public pay to read an in book about literary types? I don't see why not, but then I am a literary type, self-styled of course.
Anyway here's what I enjoyed in Ch 2.
-- the tumble of words in the first two graphs
-- the arch with of 'stench of teamwork'
-- the vividity of 'makes written English carch fire and cast magnificent shadows in the reader's mind'
4- the horror of the piss take test ... can companies really do that? if yes, then we should fight it with bottles of piss
-- resigning twice before getting fired by philistines
-- 'closer to his parents' washer and dryer' ... is it parent's or parents' ... either cld be right I spose
-- nearly relevant passages ... tis the nearly that tickles me
8- why does every paragraph contain exactly four sentences? ach, only a fellow poet wld understand, tis his quatrainian nature, clearly
-- steam rises from the wound/a stunned fawn runs motherless ... not the form of the DODR defies the rule of 4 in that the verses are of 5/6/6 lines...hmm
-- begging ... to buy enough stamps to continue sending his book MS off to prospective publishers
-- golf clubs
12 the sales pitch for the NationsChaseFargo (such ugly corporate name constructs should be machine gunned), though a microbe of detail, shows us into how the US slid into the great credit and debt black hole that has almost ruined its economy and certainly allowed China and others to erode its inquestioned economic dominence circa 1950-2000, Millions of such little phone calls lulled the nation to its financial doom. And it was all so sweet n easy in the doing. Profits n bonuses all round. For those corporate takers of innocent piss. And now it is China that is able to demand the piss of America. Cld this be because America ignored its poets? and all who spoke up for sound syntax, health gums, and clear thinking?
-- sloppy and offensive verbiage
-- bowels of the corpoate beast
-- such a sterile, micro-managed, dead-end environment ... careful now, not too many compound adjectives!
16 how fitting my last note should be 4x4 ... the street address...contained no fours, positive things were about to happen
Yes, I promise I will re back you as soon as I get a place on my shelf. I also hope you progress higher up the greasy pole here as the language in your story is far more meritorious than many more ordinarily written stories that find favour here. Meanwhile I will recommend you to a couple of dear friends who read here and appreciate delightful writing for the sheer joy of it. *bows*

Hahahaha. Really. I am laughing. Hard. The rejection letter, and what came after it, is hysterical. BUT the Boston Creme pie and all the Sylvia Plath references had me in stitches! Isabel's description is brilliant. Four chin hairs! I had to stop reading right after Beauregard's rap, but I happily give this six stars, it's got a permanent place on my WL, and I'll be back to read and back this after x-mas. Really, the voice, pacing, etc. it all works. I even took off my anal editor cap and went with the flow. (I'm a stickler for losing was and thats when you can). Nitpicks? Yes.
So I'm off to visit the in-laws for a few days. Fun? Well, I can't understand half of what they say. I'm an immigrant in France. In the interim, for laughs check out http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/

Notes on an Orange Burial
You had me with the letter. Speaking from experience, not only with rejection but also fascination with Sylvia in my earlier days, your light-hearted look at the pangs writers endure is priceless. I'm out the door to deliver Christmas presents, but you are bound for my shelf and plenty of stars. Thank you for this breath of fresh air.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed