Through these eyes of mine

As others have pointed out, you need to edit this story for spelling, grammar and punctuation. Other than that, this is a stunningly touching story of abuse. Memorable characters. Gritty, thought-provoking narrative. Impressive storyline. Passionate, straight forward writing. An emotional read. Backed.

Michelle, there are a few errors which need to be edited so your manuscript doesn't annoy a publisher and get thrown aside. But it's worth going through this with a fine tooth comb because there's real talent and passion in your writing which no amount of correct grammar can replace. Grammar is the tool of our trade, however, and is vital. but you can certainly write. Backed. lynn

Really good work here, good luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

To me creativity isn’t in conformity.
You have captured a gritty essence in this. You put real emotion into your work and that in itself is a great skill that some might like to try and emulate. You have a great working base for what is turning into a really emotional story. – Good luck.

Premise wise, this is intense and engaging. You do a fantastic job of keeping it concise and meaningful, so good work there.

However, as Bonolibro said, this needs a serious edit. Apostrophes are missing "It[']s dark." Full stops are missing. "The world is mine[.]" and you need to use commas to break up the flow. With an edit, this could really shine.

Abi xxx

The feelings flow like a burst wellhead, but the mechanics will prevent you from being taken seriously as a writer. You need to watch out for things like using there for their in your first or second paragraph, verb tense changes in mid sentence, and your punctuation is awful. I would seriously suggest a good editing of this, so that a reader doesn't spend half his time wondering what you are trying to say.

This is a book that painful yet so realistic that you can feel the emotions dripping of the page in tears. C W

Through These Eyes of Mine
Michelle Martin

Michelle,
Your pitches and story moved me. If you don't mind, I made an attempt to punctuate your pitches which you are free to cut and paste as you like, but I am sure as you go along, the content of these will likely change as you perfect them.

"First ever short fiction written by me - a gritty, savage story of abuse and neglect of a young girl."

"Through These Eyes of Mine is a gritty, savage story about a young girl by the name of Sarah. She tells of how she was neglected, abused and put through things that only occur in your worst nightmare. All she wants is a nice family home with a loving family.

As you get lost in the story only time will tell if she gets out from the hellish world she is forced to live in."

Your story Michelle is an effective one which moves the reader. There is much realism here and you are to be congratulated for the ability to encorporate such an important quality in your writing. The reader, myself, trusts you and trusts what you have to say. The reader listens to this young girl who lives a life of neglect and abuse. This is engaging and piercing with a theme that is universal, describing circumstances which are applicable to many. A heartbreaking story really which luckily, ends optimistically as Sarah decides that the world is hers and she will make the best of it. With a little editing Michelle, this will be perfect. Very happy to support this and give it a place on my bookshelf. Wishing you all the best.
Zan

Your short novella is dark, gritty and heart wrenching but promises hope at the end. Your work is well written, well paced and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

What a miserable life story! But, it is touching. It is well done, but needs some editing. You got to me with Sarah's woeful story. Backed.

hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
golden conspiracy

This is such a powerful read. Told with joy, pain, gutwrenching honesty and sense of humour, this is just a piece of short fiction that deserves to be out there. I found nothing major to nitpick, although I would revisit for punctuation issues. And I would also change the 'though' in the pitch. It should be 'Through these eyes of mine'.
Good luck and backed
carl
The Time hunters

First sentence - an how should be and how
Third sentence -on are walk home What do you mean?
Fouth sentence- prey should be pray

Backed for it's potential as an epic tale of sad reality that many in this world face. If your work is going to editors you ned to recheck your book/

Best
The lord of the dawn

This is a most moving and disturbing account of a mother's abuse of her daughter while the mother is under the influence of drugs.
The most poignant thing for the child of just 6 years, is that the very person she most needs to love and guide her is the one who is violent and sexually abusive to her.
You succeed in keeping the child's perspective appropriate to her age in the first person narration and the storyline should also serve as a warning to any who might be contemplating dependency on drugs or who might foolishly believe that physical and sexual abuse could ever compensate for love, given and returned.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Hi michelle, The voice reflects that of a child’s when the experiences she is having are out of the child’s range. Her responses are important here, how she views the abuse and torment. In such a chronicle, this is a most important perspective and delivered as disturbing as it should be. Shelved – Katherine

Hello Michelle, I have just joined this site, learning how to navigate and looking for constructive comments in order to fine tune and grow. Could you look at just some of my book and give feedback. I am going to start reading your work soon and would love to give feedback to you. Best of luck to you, it certainly looks as if your book is capturing the emotions of its readers.

I have backed this wonderful effort. Not easy.
Well done.
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I hope this is fiction. Keep writing and don't give up! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

This is a heavy duty story - one that is tough to put down and thankfully can be read in one sitting. It reminds me a little of A Boy Called it. You have a unique writing style that is conveyed like the diary of a child. BACKED.

Liz
The Cheech Room

OOf .. what a heavy story. At least Sarah finally
gets a good break! Congratulations on
putting this up.. you don't need to correct all the typos.. since it's
a young girl writing.. but some yes, when the word is wrong, like
'salvage' for 'savage' in the pitch.
Shelved with best wishes... mikegilli The Free

Ok, this is a really good story, but needs a lot of cleaning up, I started to make notes, but found quite a lot of mistakes that was spoiling the flow of your novel. So I ignored them and the story flowed much better and was a very engaging story after all and one very well told.
Here's a few nits hope you find them helpful.

First line you have an instead of and and its instead of it's.
An addict and addicted to many things.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Welcome aboard, MM. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. For the long pitch, you want to expand on the story arch and give us the MC's name. End it with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

My heart sank when I read your short pitch - I thought - not another story of abuse and neglect. However, I was pleasantly surprised at the way you involved the reader. Your sentences flowed seamlessly and the pace was perfect. It is certainly heart wrenching, but as a reader I was compelled to read on. Perhaps you could tidy words such as Im to become I'm and make sure that all names have a capital start letter, but nevertheless a well written book. Paula (Cuthbert: How Mean is My Valley?)

THROUGH THESE EYES
This is a painful book to read because of all the terrible things that happen to Sarah. Altho it’s hard to read, I think it has a place on a bookstore shelf as a means of educating people that abuse like this does occur. I’ll add it to mine. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Dear Michell, I love that you told your story - as I did mine. :) No child should go what we went through & the whole world should know. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Hi Michelle, Intriguing and promising. There are 2 kinds of writers in this world in my eyes. A writer who is idea driven like yourself and a writer who is detail driven. Unfortunately, to get published you have to conquer both - ideas and details. The details in your case being the stuff you already know about. I wish you all the best with this and welcome you to authonomy. Sana x