Fairy Ring Farm

Fairy Ring Farm - I love your descriptive voice....it almost paints a picture. Very well done.. I like the sense of place I get right away, drawing me into the farm. It's a fanciful, fantastic and magic world you've conjured. Well done, Haley. Will come back and read some more.
CADreiliing - The Line- Beginnings

Hi Hayley; I have just read your first chapter.
Firstly, well done on not letting Dyslexia stopping you doing what you love. Secondly, well done on writing and labelling this as a fairy tale that is not just for kids. I am a strong believer that a good fairy tale can and should be enjoyed by anyone, (we're all big kids at heart.)
I thought the opening to this was great. The character of Grace is written with a delicacy that really shines through. Her desire to see the Fairy people and make a friend works well. To then continue to the point where she goes with them is something just that bit different to the norm.
We then move to Awen's part of the story. Once she gets to the point where she is with Ma and Pa at the farm, we can get an idea of where the this is headed.
I thought this very good. My only helpful tip would be that occasionally you use the same words more than once in a sentence. If you can adjust when this happens I think it will flow even better. But well done on a very convincing and natural feeling story.
Starred for you.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Hi Hayley,

This to me looks fantastic. The title and pitches are good, well-written. I've WL this for now. I'll come back soon to read it.

It's me,
D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURE

A good old fairy tale - literally. Your story reminds me of the fairy storys of old, which embodies magic and wonder along with adventure. Just a few crit, you have a few typo's here and there and also your grammar's a little off in places, but apart from this an enchanting tale so far :-)

A wonderful , charming and magical story. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Dawn,
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Enchanting storyline but needs work with grammatical errors and wrong word usages - be encouraged that you have the makings of a great story but invest in proofing and editing more :)

A charming and unusual story which should appeal to readers of all ages. This is genuine escapism, remeniscent of the "Disc World" series of books and "Stardust". I wish you the very best of luck. Starred and watch listed.
Yours Bea

Hi Hayley, An enchanting tale. I especially liked how the Druid past was brought in and the forecast of the fairies revealing some of that way of life. And also how Awen comes from London and the parallels with the romantic life there and the possibilities, even more fantantic, of the farm country. Grace's clothing before she went with the fairies had made her part of them? That also had me wondering.
Your style flows very nicely and corresponds with this style of story. Mesmerizing. The manuscript needs editing though, punctuation especially, and sometimes words weren't right such as "plane" instead of "plain." It feels as if you wrote this quickly and need to go back and fix those issues. Also, some paragraphs were quite long and could be split into two.
There's a feeling that these fairies are so connected to the past and to the human life - it's not that fluttery type of fairy story. And that has much appeal. Shelved - Katherine

I know you're looking for comments about your book storyline, but as is, it's difficult to assess this due to the mistakes. From what I can tell, you have all the makings of a great story, but this needs a lot of editing and polishing.

In the first sentence, the use of "along" and "a long" back-to-back doesn't sound right. Can you reword? Also, your first sentence is a run-on. "The once grand farm house sat back along a long and rutted road" is an independent clause. So is "it was very nearly overgrown with the brambles and weeds that surrounded it on all sides." When you have two independent clauses squeezed together with only a comma, it's a run-on. Use a period, a comma and a conjunction, or a semi-colon.

Do you mean: "it was a special place as it had always been."

In "cast their spell's and called to the goddess," spells should not have an apostrophe. Apostrophes are for contractions and possessive nouns, not plural nouns. Same with ceremony's. It should be ceremonies. Same with places. And days. In fact, every plural noun in this so far has an apostrophe when it shouldn't.

Mix up your paragraph starters. Your first five paragraphs all begin with "the." Avoid this repetition.

"The house was well looked and loved..." is another run-on.

You also have a few extremely long paragraphs that would be more effective if broken up. For example, when you use dialogue, you should start a new paragraph every time someone different speaks. In fact, you really need to review proper punctuation for dialogue. Your conversations are next to impossible to follow.

I could keep going on like this, but your novel needs a major edit. I think it's great that you're having someone help with editing, but a lot of the mistakes are things you can learn if you take the time to do so. If you want to write professionally, these are things you will want to learn yourself.

As I read on, the story itself develops well and I'm intrigued by the opening events, but the amount of work that needs to be done grammatically makes this extremely difficult to read at the moment. I'd be happy to revisit this once you've cleaned up the numerous errors; just shoot me a message.

Hi
Read a few pages to get a quick feel of your book, so far i like it, easy to read and interesting.
I love the Fairies, but then I have Fairies in my book to :)
I have added your book to my watch list and over Christmas when I am off I will come back and read some more.
Good luck with it.
Tracy T

Good premise, a nice layout, strong characters... Well done!

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing a good edit won't polish up. However, due to the fact that my own novel is somewhat similar to yours (an adult faerie story set in Scotland) I fear I cannot comment properly because the selfish part of my head will always be comparing, so my apologies if I come across abrupt or snarky.

Overall, I think there is a good storyline here, and definitely worth the read!

RK Summers

A really sweet fairy tale, Haley. I can imagine the whole family enjoying this together. We all have a bit of the child in us!
All the best and good luck, Haley.

Fairy Ring Farm.
By Hayley Warriner.


I love the opening part of the book. The farm house with its lay lines and fairy rings close to it.
It’s all good stuff.
It conjures up an air of mystery and intrigue immediately for the reader.
A beautiful book..very picturesque and a pleasure to read for any age.
Absolutely love it, Fairies, Magic, the whole storyline.
It does need a good edit though like we all have to do at times.
Just dotted a couple down, trying to help but there are many more. I’m not being critical of the book, It’s a great story.

…”I (wont) someone to play with” she said… Want? / Comma after – with.
..a single tear falling down her face, the little boy… Period after Face/ Capital for –The little boy…
…”My name is Hall Tumbleweed what’s your name”… Comma after Tumbleweed/ Question mark after what’s your name.
…“Come with me Grace, you would love…” Comma is required after -Me.
…”Oh Hall I do love you, But what of…” Comma after – Oh / Period after –You (not a comma).

Pleased to back your book and star-rate it high!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

I really loved this! Well done!
Backed and rated!
If I could ask a favor, please check out the awesome books on my shelve, and consider supporting them!
They are really all a great read and I've heard that the author of Everlasting will be publishing the complete rewrite of her book soon!
regards
Hennie

A gripping tale! I love the story. The characters are wonderful. I will be back to read the rest :)
Well done.
Best wishes with the book.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

My dear Hayley, thank you for backing my book "Daughters." That was kind of you. I've read just five paragraphs of your book, and feel I must give you a lesson about the use of apostrophes. Your first paragraph has seven plural words where you are using apostrophes. These words are all just plural, they don't need apostrophes, and the one word in that first paragraph that "does" need an apostrophe "other," doesn't have one.
"Others" should be "other's" showing possession. ("...into each other's worlds.)
In paragraph five you have "it's flickering light" In the apostrophe world that's they only possession form that I know about that doesn't use an apostrophe, so here the apostrophe should be removed, as "it's" is a contraction for "it is" Maybe as I get farther into your story I will see differently, but these are your first five paragraphs, what the reader sees first in your story. I see you updated on 10-27. You should do it again.
Now I'm going to continue reading.
Hayley, I finished your first scene, to where Grace stepped into the fairy ring. Your story enchants me. I love it, but, unfortunately, I see so many more problems. You are telling a wonderful story. I'm going to suggest something. Ask a friend or a teacher, or somebody you trust to edit for you. But just fix the gramatical errors! Do not touch the content! I understand dylexia and I know it can be a problem.
I find this fairy tale very believable and I will be back, but I can't back your book right now.
One last thing, here in North Dakota I have twice seen a fairy ring of mushrooms. I didn't step in, but I did feel enchanted. Thank you for this opportunity of seeing your work,
James W. Nelson

Hi Hayley,

I’m finally getting the chance to check out your book. Below are my findings. They are, of course, my humblest opinions.

Regarding your short pitch, “grownup” isn’t hyphenated. It’s one word. Also, I’d combine the sentences in that SP.

Nice premise, though there’s a bit of back story that can be cut out. Keep it to the hooks.

Chapter 1
Farmhouse is one word.

You’ve got a run-on sentence going with the first sentence. Put a period after road as these are two independent clauses.

Elders should be capitalized, and not have an apostrophe (it’s not possessive)

Spells should not have an apostrophe

Neither should ceremonys. Ceremonys should be ceremonies.

You’ve got a good story going here, and great descriptions. The biggest thing I noticed is that this needs a few scrubs for grammar. The aforementioned findings are examples. I think at times these grammatical errors are distracting your reader from the great parts of this chapter and all you have to offer as a quality writer. Telling the story is the most important thing, but quality grammar is the package, and unfortunately, people want the package. Also, the formatting’s a little strange. At times, dialogue is buried in prose when it probably ought to be parsed out as a new paragraph. Getting this down will greatly help the flow of the chapter.

Take that for what it’s worth. Your story telling is VERY good, and that’s the most important thing. The other stuff comes with rewrites, which we all have to do.

Best of luck with this! It’s an enjoyable read and should do well here.

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Hiya Hayley,

I want to say I really like the way you write. I just finished the first chapter and I am looking forward to reading more. This is a rather refreshing story and its so original. I love your descriptions, a book with good descriptions always keeps me reading. I'm totally rating this five stars. This is something I can see showing up on the top sellers lists. I have to say that I've never been a fairy liking person, but you have caught my attention.

I shall comment again when I've read some more, wonder what is waiting for me?
Dakota

Hi everyone, FAIRY RING FARM is now with the editor and hopefully it will be uploaded and read for all you wonderfull people

Hayley, finally got round to making a start on Fairy Ring Farm. Yes, it needs editing but I'm aware of the issues so not going to get into that. What did stand out for me is that this is a delightful story and quite different to find a premise like this for an adult audience; to skip from the delights of the little girl falling in love with the fairy to Awen finding out about John's betrayal.

You have created a lovely image of the farm and given it a magical quality that perfectly suits the fairy inhabitants.

Hello Haylely,
I just read the first chapter and I found your story to be so wonderul and light. Your descriptions are beautiful and a reader can easily be drawn into the story.I am not a very good editor so I will stick with the basis of the story which is magical and refreshing. I can see this being very entertaining to many. Best of luck on this wonderful book. I have put you on my book list.
Kind Regards,
Sunnie

Hi Hayley,

This is beautifully written and your vivid discriptions were wonderful reading this reminds me of all the games i used to play as a kid pretending that fairies were real and that i could see them. a beautiful stat to a book i'll be sure to come back and read some more 6 stars and its going on my watch list well done

Hi Hayley,

Sat down earlier to read some of your book and within a few sentences I was completely hooked! There are some errors but I understand why and I found that the more I read the less I noticed as I got completely sucked into the plot. Your vivid descriptions really bring the book to life. Have given you 5 stars.
Keep up the good work!!

Kelly
Hearts and Minds

Your language and voice are beautiful, lyrical, and you have a great eye for detail and description. I read the first chapter and am intrigued to read more. It's really very lovely. Yes, you do indeed need a talented copy editor to sort this out and bring some order and structure to it. It's hard to read when there are long run-on paragraphs and so many misspellings, but your prose shines through! I know someone who could whip this together for you very nicely, she has a great feel for language etc, if you need a referral and would work with someone via Internet (she is in the US and does a lot of editing for foreign students). Good luck with this! Keep working on it, it is charming and you are a great story teller.

I found this very well written, the images are clear and bright. You have a very strong story line with a great build up of characters and a plot that makes a reader continue on.

I agree that I was also delighted to see that it was aimed for older adults and not the usual YA.. And anytime you can combine Scotland and fairies, you have my attention!

I like that you went straight to the little girl waiting up for the fairies. They were introduced right away and it grabbed my attention. There are a few typos, along with some redundencies. (Example: "No longer needed" is used twice in the same sentence in paragraph five.) Some of the sentences could stand to be broken up instead of running on. Good story and imagination though.

Hello Hayley!

Thank you so much for your kind comment on my book. I've just had a peek at yours, and was pleasantly surprised. Yes, it could do with a bit of editing (my best friend has dyslexia, so I know what you're up against), and yes, your first chapter could probably do with being a bit shorter (cut where the little girl changes into a fairy?), but I was charmed and captivated by the opening section about Hall and Grace (I could really see this being read out to children!) and then caught up in Awen's story where she is so cruelly betrayed in love. The jump from children's to adult themes is a bit abrupt, and yes, you may have to decide which of these two audiences you're aiming to please, but I'm giving this high stars for imagination and promise.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

FIrst I will admit that I enjoyed the story. I was a little confused like most of your readers about your intended audience. We often believe that stories with faires are intended for children. I wish I could see a better shot of your book cover. I have a couple of questions: 1. Who is your intended audience? 2. Would you classify this as romance with some action or action with supporting romantic roles? 3. What is the underlying story you are trying to tell? Good vs. evil, Love conquers all, the world is imperfect and we're all trying to fit it? The reason I ask these questions is that I am not sure these are clear and to market to the masses,you need to have these questions clearly outlined, defined and presented so the right people are picking up the book and buying it. Like I said I liked the story. Are there already hundreds of similar stories? Sure. Is mine better than those? It's good but it doesn't stand out. What can make it stand out? Shock me! Surprise me! Tell me the story that people don't expect. Rip my heart out and say, why the hell did you write that, how dare you treat John or Lilly that way? And if possible, make me say that at the beginning of your story so I don't have to get so involved before I get there. A slow start often means an unread, unwanted and unpurchased book.

That being said, you are a very good writer. I was concerned when I saw your profile and picked out a very obvious grammatical error. I've been on here for 2 1/2 years and I can tell you, people will pick you apart for every little thing. Good luck to you. I will keep this shelved and will watch how you progress. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read it.

Hello Hayley.
book- fairy ring farm-

read six chapters of this book last night; and concluded that it is a very nice read indeed.
for the young adults. is gets better as John and Lily enter into the story. Plenty of sexual romance here.

the story get off to a good start as she arrives in Scotland; some very good descriptive writing here; so visual, that it remains in the minds eye; it has me captivated.

back to the romance, Lily has Johns body but Awen has his heart. this is nicely set up and promises more excitement to come.

i liked the way it drifted into the realm of fantasy'; fairies and the like. shows you have a very creative mind.

i will star this very highly with pleasure.

tom bye
from hugs to kisses.
fantasy in mine chapter 14 and 15 and more 16

From your pitch I assumed this story was for younger generations but was quite delighted to discover it was also aimed at older adults as oppose to the traditional YA target audience. Your first chapter was amazing. The desriptions were vivid and flowed easily as you moved from one scene to the next. There wasn't much dialogue, which might put some people off but I was charmed by your use of descriptions. Your imagination is off the scale!
There are two things I would like to point out. In the first chapter when the characters are speaking to each other, there was no space between the dialogue. It got a little confusing and I had to keep backtracking to see who was speaking. The second is that your chapters are a little on the long side. Maybe you should think about breaking them up into more manageable chunks? Just a thought.
Overall, I though this was a charming little story that readers young and old will love to read.
I wish you the best of luck with it :)
Highly rated!

Yasmin
- Guileless

Hi Hayley

Sorry for the delay, I hope I'm not too late!

In terms of the storyline itself, I think it works. It's nice to have something like this for adults as opposed to kids and it will sit well in the fantasy genre.

I do think it could be improved with a little more dialogue though. Personally, I like a lot of narrative, but it felt like a little too much for me. Your descriptions are strong and enchanting, so you don't need to worry about that so much, I just think it could be lifted a bit with more dialogue in there.

Also, did find some of it a tad repetitve, but I would have thought this would also be picked up by the editor. Particularly, the first paragraph of the story seems to be a direct lift from the pitch, which I don't think is needed since we just read it.

You have some typos, but as you say these will be picked up.

Good job with this though, your imagination is something else!

Silva

Hayley,
I was mesmerized as I read some of your descriptions. The richly detailed imagery of the prose in Fairy Ring Farm is extraordinary and the reader is easily swept away in the imaginative narrative. Six stars for a finely crafted work of fiction.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I was fascinated to read that you have dyslexia since I work in this field and most of my students dislike putting pen to paper. Your first chapter shows all of the strengths typically associated with dyslexia - high levels of creativity, imagination, the ability to think outside the box, etc.

Finding an editor was an excellent idea and I'd love to take a look at this again once you post the edited version otherwise I'll probably end up commenting on things you're in the process of addressing.

Once again, warm and sincere congratulations!

Thank you all so much, it is really helpfull to found out whether your story is a good one or not x

I have just read the opening and have to say, I find this completely charming and as enchanting as the theme. You set the scene for the farm house so well and I love the talk of the lay lines and that everyone who comes to the house is happy and healthy and then the next part tells us that something is going to happen and the reader is not quite sure what yet. I loved it, wonderful.

Can I make a little point before I read properly? I think you should carefully edit the first bit because of misuse of the apostrophe -

'The Druid elder's...' - just Elders
'spell's...' - just spells
'ceremony's' - just ceremonies
'place's' - just places.

don't want to seem picky, but it will really put an agent off when you need them on your side. I'm reading on now, but happy to help out if you are not sure about the apostrophes.

I now have an editor lol, things are looking up lol

I have now decided to go to an editor, this is a cost but i want the book to stand a chance in the real world, i am not up to the job so it means i need real help. i want to take it to a publishers and if it fails then it will be the story not my grammer ect that holds it back.. thank you all for your help.x

nice to read a fairy story for adults, but did think to begin with that this was meant as a children's voice - perhaps sharpening the vocabulary and pace might alter that. Good flow to work, however, you do need to edit puntuation and check spellings all the way through. Could be good with a little more polishing, best of luck,
regards
Barbara
'Awakening the Magic'

You have faeries in your book and I have them in mine. I had to come over and see how your story was different and how you addressed the little creatures. I loved it. I've only made it to the first chapter but I can already tell that your use of description is going to carry this book far. I really enjoyed the pace and natural flow that you seems to come effortlessly to you. Well done! Many stars for you! I can't wait to read more.

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

Thank you for your info really helpful, and what a great idea SRfire! gonna download it, am reading it back and noteing spellings ect, but its really hard as i am dyslexic! and it is quite hard. i am thinking of getting someone to do the proof for me, but dont really know where to start or how! if anyone knows about a proof reader let me know x

brilliant narrative; descriptive and skillful...the story follow that as you continue to write your character...
on my watchlist...six stars...
read SEASONS...

Well, you've certainly got an original story here. You have put much heart, soul, and no doubt tears into the ink of this story. You've captured me. Now the story is complete hopefully you will have the 'fire in the belly' to rework it into something even better. One aspect that doesn't do justice to the story is the spelling and grammar issues. Grammar is a horrible subject, not my forte either, but unless you insert the commas and periods in the correct places, your voice will be lost. Which is a shame, because I really think this has potential.
One way to overcome this is to use a Natural Reader. You can download a free version from the internet at http://www.naturalreaders.com/download.htm. As your words are read back to you, you can experiment with punctuation to give the best emphasis to each phrase. I hope this helps.
xx

Well its all on here now, some has been redone and the chapters have been fininshed, i would love some feed back from all you lovely people. the book is fairy ring farm and i must say i love it! but then i did write it lol thank you everyone, i will look at everyones books and back it for you as well x

Nice story with lots of promise. It just needs some ediitng.
One example, you use sit in a sentence when it should be sat and some of the sentence structure was also a little confusing because they needed commas. I hope this helps. You're off to a good start!
Good luck!

luckyfish09
Spellbound

Fantastic work. This is fantasy at its best, gripping, creepy and engaging. You pull there reader right in and carry us along without hesitation.

One thing to watch out for: commas around direct address. "Awen[,] where have you been?" would be correct.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Hi everyone, i have not forgot those who have backed my books but i have hurt my shoulder and i am unable to type much! i will get back to it as soon as i can xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

this well written and love this story
backed
Anba
L.O.V.E

The book cover is beautiful!
I love the story but agree with Christine about the homonyms. It's easy to do and I have done the same.

Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Hayley, you have a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. I really like the plot and the writing is good. You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, propelling the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks