Book Jacket

 

rank 1174
word count 59215
date submitted 24.05.2010
date updated 27.12.2013
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
complete

Fairy Ring Farm

HAYLEY WARRINER

A fairy story for grown-ups. Where the realms of fairies and humans meet and mix, and where a human has to save them both.

 

Betrayed in love, Awen leaves the city and seeks solitude in a quiet Scottish valley. She buys an old farmhouse and settles there, hoping the peace and remoteness will help heal her broken heart.

But she soon finds that she is not alone. For there are fairies -- not just at the bottom of her garden, but all around. And the fairies are at war.

Awen discovers that she, a human, holds the key to saving not only the fairy realm but the human realm, too. Before too long Awen and her band of helpers are fighting not just for their lives, but battling to save both worlds.

Quote for FAIRY RING FARM.

I have just read the opening and have to say, I find this completely charming and as enchanting as the theme.

Brilliant narrative; descriptive and skillful.

You have a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling.

The richly detailed imagery of the prose in Fairy Ring Farm is extraordinary and the reader is easily swept away.

quite delighted to discover it was also aimed at older adults as oppose to the traditional YA target audience.

 
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tags

, adult fantasy, faires, fairy, fantasy, horror, scotland, sexy

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The air was still and quite and the frost was sharp on the grass. No birds or animals called out this morning to welcome the sun. Now and again you could hear them in the valley. The scrapping of metal swords being sharpened and the soft sounds of the war horses making there way to the field. The air was fresh and the peoples breath smoked from there lips as they made there day start and as they welcomed those they met. The camp filled with tents which was slowly coming alive. Soldiers wiped the little sleep from there eyes and looked around them, this would be there finest day or greatest death.  As the sun rose from the earth the camps awoke and the people looked like ants racing around below.

Awen had been stood above the camp for the last couple of hours, she had come from the night and watched the sun start to warm the earth and those who lived on it. She looked to the dragons and the war horses and back to the trees. She could not tell if today would end this war she had been pulled into, but she knew she was the only way to win. She had wondered about running in the night, but this was not the real feelings in her heart. She looked to Carinas tent and she could see the generals entering. She guessed that there was in-depth taking of the battle plan going on this morning, and she wondered when the battle would start. They had been there for two days, and each side waited for the army to arrive from the four corners of the realm.

From behind her she heard the heavy foot fall of her war horse,  and she turned to greet him. shaman she said nodding her head to the white stallion. Awen you stand here alone and so sad, today will end all of this my dear friend he said as she held herself hard to the horses neck, and shaman pulled her to him and tried to make he feel better. today is the day the realm is ether turned to light or encased with darkness said shaman as they made there way alone the Sharpe and dropping path. Shamans hoofs spilled the rubble and stones down the steep dropping side to the valley floor where the battle was to taking place.

 

The battle field seemed to hum with anticipation,  the two sides stood and watched each other as they waited for the carnage to begin. War horse stamped there feet  there feathers floating in the soft wind that laced across the field to where they stood, there massive necks made it easy to throw their heads around even with there heavy armour rattled as they did and they talked between themselves as there riders prepared themselves for battle. The many different fairies readied themselves  testing there bows and shaping there swords, they stood looking to the sky to see if the wind would be there friend today and not gust and make the flying hard and with a battle cry from the elders of the groups they got into the battle formation and waited for there moment.  The trees sang with voices and the tree trolls sat back into the tree ready for there part in the great battle that was to come, no one would talk of the battle to come, not one call of the up coming victory was spoken for all knew this would be a hard and bitter battle, many would not leave the field when the battle was done.

Carina finalised the minuet details with the generals beside her and  her orders past down the line to the last soldier. Everyone was ready for the first command flag to be raised into the air, they almost held there breath as they waited, fairy legs shook as the giant war horses shuffled there hooves beside them, throwing dirt into the tiny soldiers. A slim dark haired fairy flew to one of the horses ears and shouted, this day shall be hard for us brother horse with out wearing dust from your hovers, you nearly crushed us he told the great chestnut beast, little brother I mean no harm, you shall ride upon my head and so will others of your kind I shall look after you said the war horse and the little group landed in the horses mane and held fast to the strands of hair.

They watched as the army over the other side  of the dark green battle field completed there ways ready. The battle field seemed to grown with the thing to come, the wind whipped sharply across the wide plan, the few trees branches was rattled and tussled around as the wind played with them. The field had seen battle before, and it had submerged the bodies of the fallen many times before. From the field came the cries of the soldiers before them, some sang songs of victory other sang songs of sorrow, some that stood waiting had been here before and had the deep scars of the past battles which had taken place, they felt the same fear as the first time they had fought and they new that if they made it though this battle they would bare more pain, but if this was there final day then there bones would melt into the ground like the others before them.

She stood her cape bellowed around her armour which glinted in the rising sun. her hair braided and tied out of her way. She hoped this day had not come for there was many losses already and this day would bring many more from there battle.

From where she stood Carina could see Clionda and her three remaining generals. They stood by there outer camp talking and pointing to different soldiers. Even thought she had lost half her army what remained matched Carinas to each member, if they had not gone, we could have had a problem Val said to the group who was thinking the same thing, the gods must be on our side today said Hernia as her butterfly flapped slowly.  From behind the four came a fairy dressed head to toe in black armour, my god, whats that Avalon asked the others beside her, its Cliondas father amour, it must be a special person to have the honour to ware it said Harro as they looked across the field. Clionda looked to Carina and nodded her head and slowly Carina returned the jester, we are ready and they watched as the unnameable  creatures started towards them, there massive dark rippling forms shuddered as it bounded across the field. The ground shook and compressed under the feet of the unnameable  things that headed to the group.  we must be careful, there talons can rip a stone in two said Val as he called to the angels, who stood in the middle of the army ready for there command.  Gallo send your army to the sky, Hail send the wind and keep them from jumping he told the general of the angels and the general of the air fairies, we will Harro they side together and called the command to the armies they controlled.  The angels took to the sky and bombarded the beasts below them with lighting strikes and the air fairies sent the wind to hold them back so the angels aim was twice as deadly, when every monster had fallen the angels returned to the camp and the winds dropped. The beasts melted into the ground where they fell, going back to mother earth to the place they were called from by Clionda.

 

Clionda stood in her battle cart and scanned her fallen army. what should she do next? she looked to her army and she thought to herself she  would send in the bean nighte and the night fairies, and she called upon the clouds and darkness fell across the battle field.

The two groups came to her and bowed at her feet slowly they rose there heads and waited for her words.  destroy them she shouted her command is it wise to send both my lady asked the leader of the reapers, his head held low and begging, he looked to her face and waited for her to reply.  you dare to question my command and with that she had crushed his head in her hand and he fell to the ground, blood licking down his deformed face, her anger was getting the better of her, she felt she would fight all and win no matter the cost to the ones that followed her and her rule.

Without Clionda deep in her anger and her planning of what she shall do once she had removed carina once and for all, she had not noticing the other two generals had left her side. and with that what was left of her army had  lost there control and there courage when there generals left them and the field.  it was only Clionda left to deal with the battle and  she did not worry for she had won the last battle had she not, deep  inside herself her head told her that she had, had many generals and they had ordered the massive armies she had not gone into battle like Carina had and she knew little of the ways to fight, she could feel the armies lose there conformance and fear rippled through them, if there is anyone here today that wishes to leave alone with the generals then so be it she called to the ones right in front of her, you there do you wish to go with your officer she asked a very pale looking night fairy who was shaking where he stood, I have never battled with out one, my Queen he said looking to the others who would not look at him, well I give you my word, you do not have to battle to day, it is your choice, die on the field or another place she told him with a shrug of her armoured shoulder. The little fairy looked confused and started to walk away, did she not wont him to fight he wondered to himself, all of a sudden he felt fire flash across his body pain like he had never felt before exploded across his small frame. And he was turned into a pile of dust. is there another willing to walk away from death, for it matters not where he finds you he will find you and so shall I she shouted to the army before her. if any member of my army turns from the battle no matter what the same shall happen to them she said brushing her anger down as she rubbed the dust from her armour. From over the back of the camp the two remaining  generals screams could be heard and those brave enough could see the smoke bellowed from there direction. Not one member of the army moved, and as the command for the bean nighte and the night fairies was give they crashed onto the battle field. Clionda was not sure whether it was in a wish to fight or fear of her as they made there sullen way forward.

 

Carina, the remaining generals have left her side, she alone rules and commands the army Carina looked to the battle field as the army of the other side came at them. She has sent the largest part of her army onto the battle field, what is your command the third general asked her as he looked to the battle. may I suggest the dragons my queen said Avalon looking to the sky, they will not be able to take flight she has command of the clouds and the darkness is great she said looking to the sky. if Avalon and her kind here can move the clouds we shall be able to fly high and fire into the darkness said pen as he settled to the side of Carina., the wind from his wings whipping her face and hair, crashing her cape onto her body the clouds belong to us said Avalon as she and the other settled onto there clouds and headed high and soon the clouds parted. Pens roar filled the sky and the ground rumbled where he stood and with that the dragons took to the air with flames blasting from the there mouths and the light shone through the darkness casting it away. The night fairies howled in pain as the light hit them and burned there wings and skin. They scurried from the battle field and hid among the trees in there shadows shaking with fear and pain, but unknown to them it was the dark of the trees where the troll waited for anything to enter, at which they swashed them between there fingers and under there feet.

 

Clionda felt fear rise in her heart and wondered what to do next she could not ask the generals that smouldered in dust at there tents, the anger  and real fear she felt rippled through the army and they waited for the next command. Clionda had only a couple of hundred members remaining and she knew what she must do, she needed to distract the dragons and the elementals and she needed to fight them in the air. She lowered her head and she lifted her hands to the air and cast her strongest spell. The air felt like electric rippled through it and from her finger tips tentacles of pure darkness rived and headed to the dragons fighting above her. As  she opened her eyes and grabbed for any nearby dragon engulfing then tying there mouths shut and strapping there wings to there bodies, and then she moved onto the next and soon there were falling dragons everywhere,. There massive forms crashing towards the earth and the battle field. Avalon and the other elementals cast the clouds to catch as many dragon as they could they were doing well they tried to send lighting bolts to light the sky and cast out the darkness once again as it seemed to be working for now.

Avalon headed to the sun and called to the rain, rainbows covered the sky and colours cast across the already receding darkness. Clionda dropped to the ground she was extorted and her power was drained from her, she turned to Dale and told him what to do, I need you to take my army and win this battle find the golden one and destroy her and Carina, bring them down Dale she said as the guards covered her in a blanket until she had started to recover her strength. Dale called the remaining army and galloped onto the field towards Carina . The war horse Trojan seemed to fly across the ground nothing could touch him as he moved so fast into the field.  Awen looked to the dark knight who rode across at Carina as he had entered the field to help bring in the injured members of her army, shaman the knight is heading for Carina she said jumping on his saddled back. Trojan, I thought he was dead hissed Shaman as they galloped off into the battle field, heading to intercept the dark knight fairy and his war horse. The battling fairies seemed to fight in slow motion as the two war horses galloped across the field through the fighting.  The burl of the black and white fur of the horses seemed to stream behind them. The two horses reached each other and collided with there teeth bared and the hoofs failing at each other. there riders were almost dislodged from there saddles and they crashed into each other. There battle armour clashing  as they started to fight each other.

 Trojan you traitor I thought you were dead hissed Shaman as there hooves clashed and kicking out at each other, not dead, very much alive and full of the darkness, it has been many years Shaman and I see you ware my generals colour, you have done well spat the black war horse his fire shining from his eyes I also hear you were in the human realm how could you stand it, blinded by Queen Clionda and me he smirked  and Trojan turned again as they twisted and tried to reach the other with any means possible to them.

Awen and the dark knight made no move to battle anymore they had enough with trying to stay on the backs of there mount. tell me gold one, why you fight on the side of the light, you have no case in this battle he asked her as the two horses spun once again clashing into each other. I lost my love to Clionda, I know she has killed him and did terrible things to him, as she would with me if I had not escaped she told the knight who still made no move to fight. He felt he knew this fairy and somewhere he felt he had something to do with her pain in her eyes and voice. it matters not for I shall destroy you I shall wipe you from this and every realm, and the same with your beloved Queen Carina he told her and started to raise his arm and his war sword.

 

From the hill Harro looked to the galloping dark knight and his eyes followed to Awen and Shaman, I must help her he told Noon who stood beside him, as he jumped onto her back he looked to the two battling war horses, Trojan kicked out at Shaman who turned to protect Awen from the dark war horses kicks, Trojan hoof hit Shaman in the head and knocked the grand white stallion to the floor, Awen rolled from the horse and jumped to her feet the black knight swung towards her with his sword, but she jumped to the side and he missed her and fell from Trojans Saddle. His helmet dislodged and clattered to the ground. Awen stood back and starred at the man before her, her heart skipped a beat as she looked at Dale. what are you doing, its me Awen she cried and stepped to him he  just rose his sword and jabbed at her, Dale, please dont you remember she sobbed, defend yourself or I shall slay you where you stand he told her and pushed her with his arm.  From behind her came Cliondas voice, now, kill her now, do it she screeched Dale turned and looked at her and a dark and twisted smile crossed his face. he is mine, Awen he is part of the darkness, he is mine she laugh, now kill her he lifted the sword over her head and dropped for his final blow.

As she closed  her eyes and waited she no longer cared if this man before her killed her for her heart was broken. She waited and held her breath she could feel the sword dropping through the air to her head, but it never came she slowly opened her eyes and behind Clionda and Dale Shaman rose to his battered legs and jumped with his last breath and crushed Dale beneath his grand white frame, as he did Dale turned and embedded his sword into the chest of the brave white stallion, the blood welled around the bite of the sword and the mighty beast moaned and shuddered as the blade hit his heart ripping it in to.  Clionda cried out and ran to Dales side beneath Shamans dead body, you, you I shall rip those golden wings from your back and skin you she screamed to where Awen laid. I shall make sure I keep you on the edge of death she sobbed as she rose from the bodies in front of her. She pulled a long and Sharpe dagger from her side  and lunged at Awen, as Clionda moved towards Awen scurried backwards from her. The battle had slowed and stopped and every member of each army watched Awen and Clionda. Awen hold on Im coming called Harro as he and Noon galloped across the field.

Clionda pointed her hand at Awen and darkness engulfed her, pain lashed her body and she felt the breath being taken from her body. Clionda had dropped the knife and pointed to Awen and chanted her words which filled her head along with the darkness that held her so tightly.  Awen could not move and she felt the cold of the darkness touch her again and again, Carina and Harro and all the others tried to stop Clionda as she tighten the tentacles around Awen, they laced over her body and around her neck he eyes almost bursting from there sockets. no body move or I shall kill her Clionda called fear now taken hold of her and panic was making her madness complete. I do not fear you Clionda, and you have no power over me Awen spoke her voice thick with magic which she felt rising inside her. release me or suffer the consequences she said looking deep into Clionda eyes, who laugh and looked back to her, I do not fear.. she said as she felt Awen looking back into her dark soul, Awen looked to the sky and the darkness which moved away from the elementals who tried to light up the skies. As she closed her eyes she thought of her lost love, and opened her heart, she started to glow and the gold wrapped its way up the tentacles that lead to Clionda, they too started to glow and turn to  gold and lighted the space all around them. whats happening, how can you take me over I am darkness Clionda  screamed as the golden light reached her body. She again her voice quieter softer asked as the gold and light flowed up and started to surround her, this can not be so she shouted willing herself onwards and then she dropping to her knees she wept tears of gold. I am Awen, keeper of the druid sacred places,  I am the golden fairy and I hold the power of the light and life, I am light, I am life, and I cast out the darkness from your soul she told Clionda as she got to her feet. I send it  back to its proper place, I send all back to there rightful place and I bind you Clionda for the sake of all the realms, she spoke her voice husky and pure. no., Clionda screamed as the light bindings held her dark soul and pulled it free from her, you shall lose your powers and be cast to the bean nighte, who you trapped in this realm, from the back of the field they came, and made there way to the figure of Clionda. They held her and started to melt into the dark cold earth, smiling as she screamed, the bean nighte who had once been her closest friend Lilly looked to Carina and Awen.  our Queen we will cause you no more problem, we have dropped to our knees and called to you, forgive us, the darkness made us wild she nodded to Awen and slipped into the soil. this day is done and we are victories called Carina as she rised her slender white hand and the crowd cheered and Celebrated.  Slowly as they walked around the battle field they found their people and took them to Awen to heel.

The battle field emptied the dead buried and the hurt recovering in tents, Harro walked to where Awen stood, She was standing at the place Dale fell along with her much loved shaman.  She tried to think of him the way he truly was, did she love him or was it the power at fairy ring farm that made her feel that way.  As it had made her forget John and everything else. She turned as Harro spoke to her, I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you will think of staying with us a little while Awen he said hugging her as her tears fell., running rivers down her face and chin. She looked into his eyes they seemed soft and gentle with hint of mischief, thank you Harro, I dont know what I will do, I cant return to the farm, and I have no home here, I am truly lost she smiled sadly. you have a home with us at Queens court, I love you Awen and I know I should not say such a thing to you, because of what you felt for dale, but I do I love you and wont you to be with me he said dropping to her feet and holding her legs softy.  Harro, I dont know what to feel, I am finding out a side to me I never knew I had, and I feel things I never felt before, I am confused and I feel lost she said and pulling him to her she kissed him, but I do know I love you too, but if I can love you as you need I can not say, what if I wished to return to the farm and live this life out in the human world, would you wont that, you seemed to dislike the human realm so much, I was human once and I can not tell if I will wont to be human again she said as they held each other close. I dont care where we are as long as I have you he said, we will see Harro, we will see, come we must leave the army is pulling out and with that they took to the air and flew over the realm, darkness was in its right place balanced with the light, what would become of them, who would they be, all that did not matter, they headed to Queens court and the returning to the throne of the true Queen, Queen Carina.

 

 

 

 

Chapters

11

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CARite wrote 519 days ago

Fairy Ring Farm - I love your descriptive voice....it almost paints a picture. Very well done.. I like the sense of place I get right away, drawing me into the farm. It's a fanciful, fantastic and magic world you've conjured. Well done, Haley. Will come back and read some more.
CADreiliing - The Line- Beginnings

RMAWriteNow wrote 557 days ago

Hi Hayley; I have just read your first chapter.
Firstly, well done on not letting Dyslexia stopping you doing what you love. Secondly, well done on writing and labelling this as a fairy tale that is not just for kids. I am a strong believer that a good fairy tale can and should be enjoyed by anyone, (we're all big kids at heart.)
I thought the opening to this was great. The character of Grace is written with a delicacy that really shines through. Her desire to see the Fairy people and make a friend works well. To then continue to the point where she goes with them is something just that bit different to the norm.
We then move to Awen's part of the story. Once she gets to the point where she is with Ma and Pa at the farm, we can get an idea of where the this is headed.
I thought this very good. My only helpful tip would be that occasionally you use the same words more than once in a sentence. If you can adjust when this happens I think it will flow even better. But well done on a very convincing and natural feeling story.
Starred for you.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Di Manzara wrote 557 days ago

Hi Hayley,

This to me looks fantastic. The title and pitches are good, well-written. I've WL this for now. I'll come back soon to read it.

It's me,
D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURE

book fan 85 wrote 809 days ago

A good old fairy tale - literally. Your story reminds me of the fairy storys of old, which embodies magic and wonder along with adventure. Just a few crit, you have a few typo's here and there and also your grammar's a little off in places, but apart from this an enchanting tale so far :-)

DMHeadley wrote 850 days ago

A wonderful , charming and magical story. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Dawn,
Sammy and the Wise Willow

K-Trina wrote 869 days ago

Enchanting storyline but needs work with grammatical errors and wrong word usages - be encouraged that you have the makings of a great story but invest in proofing and editing more :)

Bea Sinclair wrote 874 days ago

A charming and unusual story which should appeal to readers of all ages. This is genuine escapism, remeniscent of the "Disc World" series of books and "Stardust". I wish you the very best of luck. Starred and watch listed.
Yours Bea

klouholmes wrote 879 days ago

Hi Hayley, An enchanting tale. I especially liked how the Druid past was brought in and the forecast of the fairies revealing some of that way of life. And also how Awen comes from London and the parallels with the romantic life there and the possibilities, even more fantantic, of the farm country. Grace's clothing before she went with the fairies had made her part of them? That also had me wondering.
Your style flows very nicely and corresponds with this style of story. Mesmerizing. The manuscript needs editing though, punctuation especially, and sometimes words weren't right such as "plane" instead of "plain." It feels as if you wrote this quickly and need to go back and fix those issues. Also, some paragraphs were quite long and could be split into two.
There's a feeling that these fairies are so connected to the past and to the human life - it's not that fluttery type of fairy story. And that has much appeal. Shelved - Katherine

Joshua Jacobs wrote 883 days ago

I know you're looking for comments about your book storyline, but as is, it's difficult to assess this due to the mistakes. From what I can tell, you have all the makings of a great story, but this needs a lot of editing and polishing.

In the first sentence, the use of "along" and "a long" back-to-back doesn't sound right. Can you reword? Also, your first sentence is a run-on. "The once grand farm house sat back along a long and rutted road" is an independent clause. So is "it was very nearly overgrown with the brambles and weeds that surrounded it on all sides." When you have two independent clauses squeezed together with only a comma, it's a run-on. Use a period, a comma and a conjunction, or a semi-colon.

Do you mean: "it was a special place as it had always been."

In "cast their spell's and called to the goddess," spells should not have an apostrophe. Apostrophes are for contractions and possessive nouns, not plural nouns. Same with ceremony's. It should be ceremonies. Same with places. And days. In fact, every plural noun in this so far has an apostrophe when it shouldn't.

Mix up your paragraph starters. Your first five paragraphs all begin with "the." Avoid this repetition.

"The house was well looked and loved..." is another run-on.

You also have a few extremely long paragraphs that would be more effective if broken up. For example, when you use dialogue, you should start a new paragraph every time someone different speaks. In fact, you really need to review proper punctuation for dialogue. Your conversations are next to impossible to follow.

I could keep going on like this, but your novel needs a major edit. I think it's great that you're having someone help with editing, but a lot of the mistakes are things you can learn if you take the time to do so. If you want to write professionally, these are things you will want to learn yourself.

As I read on, the story itself develops well and I'm intrigued by the opening events, but the amount of work that needs to be done grammatically makes this extremely difficult to read at the moment. I'd be happy to revisit this once you've cleaned up the numerous errors; just shoot me a message.

tracy t wrote 884 days ago

Hi
Read a few pages to get a quick feel of your book, so far i like it, easy to read and interesting.
I love the Fairies, but then I have Fairies in my book to :)
I have added your book to my watch list and over Christmas when I am off I will come back and read some more.
Good luck with it.
Tracy T

RK Summers wrote 884 days ago

Good premise, a nice layout, strong characters... Well done!

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing a good edit won't polish up. However, due to the fact that my own novel is somewhat similar to yours (an adult faerie story set in Scotland) I fear I cannot comment properly because the selfish part of my head will always be comparing, so my apologies if I come across abrupt or snarky.

Overall, I think there is a good storyline here, and definitely worth the read!

RK Summers

orma wrote 888 days ago

A really sweet fairy tale, Haley. I can imagine the whole family enjoying this together. We all have a bit of the child in us!
All the best and good luck, Haley.

Neville wrote 899 days ago

Fairy Ring Farm.
By Hayley Warriner.


I love the opening part of the book. The farm house with its lay lines and fairy rings close to it.
It’s all good stuff.
It conjures up an air of mystery and intrigue immediately for the reader.
A beautiful book..very picturesque and a pleasure to read for any age.
Absolutely love it, Fairies, Magic, the whole storyline.
It does need a good edit though like we all have to do at times.
Just dotted a couple down, trying to help but there are many more. I’m not being critical of the book, It’s a great story.

…”I (wont) someone to play with” she said… Want? / Comma after – with.
..a single tear falling down her face, the little boy… Period after Face/ Capital for –The little boy…
…”My name is Hall Tumbleweed what’s your name”… Comma after Tumbleweed/ Question mark after what’s your name.
…“Come with me Grace, you would love…” Comma is required after -Me.
…”Oh Hall I do love you, But what of…” Comma after – Oh / Period after –You (not a comma).

Pleased to back your book and star-rate it high!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.



Hennie wrote 903 days ago

I really loved this! Well done!
Backed and rated!
If I could ask a favor, please check out the awesome books on my shelve, and consider supporting them!
They are really all a great read and I've heard that the author of Everlasting will be publishing the complete rewrite of her book soon!
regards
Hennie

DMHeadley wrote 904 days ago

A gripping tale! I love the story. The characters are wonderful. I will be back to read the rest :)
Well done.
Best wishes with the book.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

SubRon2 wrote 910 days ago

My dear Hayley, thank you for backing my book "Daughters." That was kind of you. I've read just five paragraphs of your book, and feel I must give you a lesson about the use of apostrophes. Your first paragraph has seven plural words where you are using apostrophes. These words are all just plural, they don't need apostrophes, and the one word in that first paragraph that "does" need an apostrophe "other," doesn't have one.
"Others" should be "other's" showing possession. ("...into each other's worlds.)
In paragraph five you have "it's flickering light" In the apostrophe world that's they only possession form that I know about that doesn't use an apostrophe, so here the apostrophe should be removed, as "it's" is a contraction for "it is" Maybe as I get farther into your story I will see differently, but these are your first five paragraphs, what the reader sees first in your story. I see you updated on 10-27. You should do it again.
Now I'm going to continue reading.
Hayley, I finished your first scene, to where Grace stepped into the fairy ring. Your story enchants me. I love it, but, unfortunately, I see so many more problems. You are telling a wonderful story. I'm going to suggest something. Ask a friend or a teacher, or somebody you trust to edit for you. But just fix the gramatical errors! Do not touch the content! I understand dylexia and I know it can be a problem.
I find this fairy tale very believable and I will be back, but I can't back your book right now.
One last thing, here in North Dakota I have twice seen a fairy ring of mushrooms. I didn't step in, but I did feel enchanted. Thank you for this opportunity of seeing your work,
James W. Nelson

Philthy wrote 912 days ago

Hi Hayley,

I’m finally getting the chance to check out your book. Below are my findings. They are, of course, my humblest opinions.

Regarding your short pitch, “grownup” isn’t hyphenated. It’s one word. Also, I’d combine the sentences in that SP.

Nice premise, though there’s a bit of back story that can be cut out. Keep it to the hooks.

Chapter 1
Farmhouse is one word.

You’ve got a run-on sentence going with the first sentence. Put a period after road as these are two independent clauses.

Elders should be capitalized, and not have an apostrophe (it’s not possessive)

Spells should not have an apostrophe

Neither should ceremonys. Ceremonys should be ceremonies.

You’ve got a good story going here, and great descriptions. The biggest thing I noticed is that this needs a few scrubs for grammar. The aforementioned findings are examples. I think at times these grammatical errors are distracting your reader from the great parts of this chapter and all you have to offer as a quality writer. Telling the story is the most important thing, but quality grammar is the package, and unfortunately, people want the package. Also, the formatting’s a little strange. At times, dialogue is buried in prose when it probably ought to be parsed out as a new paragraph. Getting this down will greatly help the flow of the chapter.

Take that for what it’s worth. Your story telling is VERY good, and that’s the most important thing. The other stuff comes with rewrites, which we all have to do.

Best of luck with this! It’s an enjoyable read and should do well here.

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Dakota Velasquez wrote 914 days ago

Hiya Hayley,

I want to say I really like the way you write. I just finished the first chapter and I am looking forward to reading more. This is a rather refreshing story and its so original. I love your descriptions, a book with good descriptions always keeps me reading. I'm totally rating this five stars. This is something I can see showing up on the top sellers lists. I have to say that I've never been a fairy liking person, but you have caught my attention.

I shall comment again when I've read some more, wonder what is waiting for me?
Dakota

hayely smith wrote 915 days ago

Hi everyone, FAIRY RING FARM is now with the editor and hopefully it will be uploaded and read for all you wonderfull people

L_MC wrote 915 days ago

Hayley, finally got round to making a start on Fairy Ring Farm. Yes, it needs editing but I'm aware of the issues so not going to get into that. What did stand out for me is that this is a delightful story and quite different to find a premise like this for an adult audience; to skip from the delights of the little girl falling in love with the fairy to Awen finding out about John's betrayal.

You have created a lovely image of the farm and given it a magical quality that perfectly suits the fairy inhabitants.

Sunnie Day wrote 918 days ago

Hello Haylely,
I just read the first chapter and I found your story to be so wonderul and light. Your descriptions are beautiful and a reader can easily be drawn into the story.I am not a very good editor so I will stick with the basis of the story which is magical and refreshing. I can see this being very entertaining to many. Best of luck on this wonderful book. I have put you on my book list.
Kind Regards,
Sunnie

JDEvans wrote 918 days ago

Hi Hayley,

This is beautifully written and your vivid discriptions were wonderful reading this reminds me of all the games i used to play as a kid pretending that fairies were real and that i could see them. a beautiful stat to a book i'll be sure to come back and read some more 6 stars and its going on my watch list well done

Kelbean wrote 921 days ago

Hi Hayley,

Sat down earlier to read some of your book and within a few sentences I was completely hooked! There are some errors but I understand why and I found that the more I read the less I noticed as I got completely sucked into the plot. Your vivid descriptions really bring the book to life. Have given you 5 stars.
Keep up the good work!!

Kelly
Hearts and Minds

GCleare wrote 922 days ago

Your language and voice are beautiful, lyrical, and you have a great eye for detail and description. I read the first chapter and am intrigued to read more. It's really very lovely. Yes, you do indeed need a talented copy editor to sort this out and bring some order and structure to it. It's hard to read when there are long run-on paragraphs and so many misspellings, but your prose shines through! I know someone who could whip this together for you very nicely, she has a great feel for language etc, if you need a referral and would work with someone via Internet (she is in the US and does a lot of editing for foreign students). Good luck with this! Keep working on it, it is charming and you are a great story teller.

LindaSwain wrote 922 days ago

I found this very well written, the images are clear and bright. You have a very strong story line with a great build up of characters and a plot that makes a reader continue on.

I agree that I was also delighted to see that it was aimed for older adults and not the usual YA.. And anytime you can combine Scotland and fairies, you have my attention!

Cwgardner wrote 923 days ago

I like that you went straight to the little girl waiting up for the fairies. They were introduced right away and it grabbed my attention. There are a few typos, along with some redundencies. (Example: "No longer needed" is used twice in the same sentence in paragraph five.) Some of the sentences could stand to be broken up instead of running on. Good story and imagination though.

Wussyboy wrote 924 days ago

Hello Hayley!

Thank you so much for your kind comment on my book. I've just had a peek at yours, and was pleasantly surprised. Yes, it could do with a bit of editing (my best friend has dyslexia, so I know what you're up against), and yes, your first chapter could probably do with being a bit shorter (cut where the little girl changes into a fairy?), but I was charmed and captivated by the opening section about Hall and Grace (I could really see this being read out to children!) and then caught up in Awen's story where she is so cruelly betrayed in love. The jump from children's to adult themes is a bit abrupt, and yes, you may have to decide which of these two audiences you're aiming to please, but I'm giving this high stars for imagination and promise.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Sequoia wrote 924 days ago

FIrst I will admit that I enjoyed the story. I was a little confused like most of your readers about your intended audience. We often believe that stories with faires are intended for children. I wish I could see a better shot of your book cover. I have a couple of questions: 1. Who is your intended audience? 2. Would you classify this as romance with some action or action with supporting romantic roles? 3. What is the underlying story you are trying to tell? Good vs. evil, Love conquers all, the world is imperfect and we're all trying to fit it? The reason I ask these questions is that I am not sure these are clear and to market to the masses,you need to have these questions clearly outlined, defined and presented so the right people are picking up the book and buying it. Like I said I liked the story. Are there already hundreds of similar stories? Sure. Is mine better than those? It's good but it doesn't stand out. What can make it stand out? Shock me! Surprise me! Tell me the story that people don't expect. Rip my heart out and say, why the hell did you write that, how dare you treat John or Lilly that way? And if possible, make me say that at the beginning of your story so I don't have to get so involved before I get there. A slow start often means an unread, unwanted and unpurchased book.

That being said, you are a very good writer. I was concerned when I saw your profile and picked out a very obvious grammatical error. I've been on here for 2 1/2 years and I can tell you, people will pick you apart for every little thing. Good luck to you. I will keep this shelved and will watch how you progress. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read it.

Tom Bye wrote 925 days ago

Hello Hayley.
book- fairy ring farm-

read six chapters of this book last night; and concluded that it is a very nice read indeed.
for the young adults. is gets better as John and Lily enter into the story. Plenty of sexual romance here.

the story get off to a good start as she arrives in Scotland; some very good descriptive writing here; so visual, that it remains in the minds eye; it has me captivated.

back to the romance, Lily has Johns body but Awen has his heart. this is nicely set up and promises more excitement to come.

i liked the way it drifted into the realm of fantasy'; fairies and the like. shows you have a very creative mind.

i will star this very highly with pleasure.

tom bye
from hugs to kisses.
fantasy in mine chapter 14 and 15 and more 16

Teeny Tiny Tambo wrote 928 days ago

From your pitch I assumed this story was for younger generations but was quite delighted to discover it was also aimed at older adults as oppose to the traditional YA target audience. Your first chapter was amazing. The desriptions were vivid and flowed easily as you moved from one scene to the next. There wasn't much dialogue, which might put some people off but I was charmed by your use of descriptions. Your imagination is off the scale!
There are two things I would like to point out. In the first chapter when the characters are speaking to each other, there was no space between the dialogue. It got a little confusing and I had to keep backtracking to see who was speaking. The second is that your chapters are a little on the long side. Maybe you should think about breaking them up into more manageable chunks? Just a thought.
Overall, I though this was a charming little story that readers young and old will love to read.
I wish you the best of luck with it :)
Highly rated!

Yasmin
- Guileless

silvachilla wrote 930 days ago

Hi Hayley

Sorry for the delay, I hope I'm not too late!

In terms of the storyline itself, I think it works. It's nice to have something like this for adults as opposed to kids and it will sit well in the fantasy genre.

I do think it could be improved with a little more dialogue though. Personally, I like a lot of narrative, but it felt like a little too much for me. Your descriptions are strong and enchanting, so you don't need to worry about that so much, I just think it could be lifted a bit with more dialogue in there.

Also, did find some of it a tad repetitve, but I would have thought this would also be picked up by the editor. Particularly, the first paragraph of the story seems to be a direct lift from the pitch, which I don't think is needed since we just read it.

You have some typos, but as you say these will be picked up.

Good job with this though, your imagination is something else!

Silva

Walden Carrington wrote 932 days ago

Hayley,
I was mesmerized as I read some of your descriptions. The richly detailed imagery of the prose in Fairy Ring Farm is extraordinary and the reader is easily swept away in the imaginative narrative. Six stars for a finely crafted work of fiction.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

beth wrote 933 days ago

I was fascinated to read that you have dyslexia since I work in this field and most of my students dislike putting pen to paper. Your first chapter shows all of the strengths typically associated with dyslexia - high levels of creativity, imagination, the ability to think outside the box, etc.

Finding an editor was an excellent idea and I'd love to take a look at this again once you post the edited version otherwise I'll probably end up commenting on things you're in the process of addressing.

Once again, warm and sincere congratulations!

hayely smith wrote 933 days ago

Thank you all so much, it is really helpfull to found out whether your story is a good one or not x

Sandie Newman wrote 934 days ago

I have just read the opening and have to say, I find this completely charming and as enchanting as the theme. You set the scene for the farm house so well and I love the talk of the lay lines and that everyone who comes to the house is happy and healthy and then the next part tells us that something is going to happen and the reader is not quite sure what yet. I loved it, wonderful.

Cariad wrote 934 days ago

Can I make a little point before I read properly? I think you should carefully edit the first bit because of misuse of the apostrophe -

'The Druid elder's...' - just Elders
'spell's...' - just spells
'ceremony's' - just ceremonies
'place's' - just places.

don't want to seem picky, but it will really put an agent off when you need them on your side. I'm reading on now, but happy to help out if you are not sure about the apostrophes.

hayely smith wrote 934 days ago

I now have an editor lol, things are looking up lol

hayely smith wrote 934 days ago

I have now decided to go to an editor, this is a cost but i want the book to stand a chance in the real world, i am not up to the job so it means i need real help. i want to take it to a publishers and if it fails then it will be the story not my grammer ect that holds it back.. thank you all for your help.x

just barbara wrote 934 days ago

nice to read a fairy story for adults, but did think to begin with that this was meant as a children's voice - perhaps sharpening the vocabulary and pace might alter that. Good flow to work, however, you do need to edit puntuation and check spellings all the way through. Could be good with a little more polishing, best of luck,
regards
Barbara
'Awakening the Magic'

a.morrison712 wrote 946 days ago

You have faeries in your book and I have them in mine. I had to come over and see how your story was different and how you addressed the little creatures. I loved it. I've only made it to the first chapter but I can already tell that your use of description is going to carry this book far. I really enjoyed the pace and natural flow that you seems to come effortlessly to you. Well done! Many stars for you! I can't wait to read more.

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

hayely smith wrote 947 days ago

Thank you for your info really helpful, and what a great idea SRfire! gonna download it, am reading it back and noteing spellings ect, but its really hard as i am dyslexic! and it is quite hard. i am thinking of getting someone to do the proof for me, but dont really know where to start or how! if anyone knows about a proof reader let me know x

Su Dan wrote 947 days ago

brilliant narrative; descriptive and skillful...the story follow that as you continue to write your character...
on my watchlist...six stars...
read SEASONS...

SRFire wrote 947 days ago

Well, you've certainly got an original story here. You have put much heart, soul, and no doubt tears into the ink of this story. You've captured me. Now the story is complete hopefully you will have the 'fire in the belly' to rework it into something even better. One aspect that doesn't do justice to the story is the spelling and grammar issues. Grammar is a horrible subject, not my forte either, but unless you insert the commas and periods in the correct places, your voice will be lost. Which is a shame, because I really think this has potential.
One way to overcome this is to use a Natural Reader. You can download a free version from the internet at http://www.naturalreaders.com/download.htm. As your words are read back to you, you can experiment with punctuation to give the best emphasis to each phrase. I hope this helps.
xx

hayely smith wrote 947 days ago

Well its all on here now, some has been redone and the chapters have been fininshed, i would love some feed back from all you lovely people. the book is fairy ring farm and i must say i love it! but then i did write it lol thank you everyone, i will look at everyones books and back it for you as well x

luckyfish09 wrote 947 days ago

Nice story with lots of promise. It just needs some ediitng.
One example, you use sit in a sentence when it should be sat and some of the sentence structure was also a little confusing because they needed commas. I hope this helps. You're off to a good start!
Good luck!

luckyfish09
Spellbound

A Knight wrote 1406 days ago

Fantastic work. This is fantasy at its best, gripping, creepy and engaging. You pull there reader right in and carry us along without hesitation.

One thing to watch out for: commas around direct address. "Awen[,] where have you been?" would be correct.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

hayely smith wrote 1417 days ago

Hi everyone, i have not forgot those who have backed my books but i have hurt my shoulder and i am unable to type much! i will get back to it as soon as i can xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

anbasekar wrote 1417 days ago

this well written and love this story
backed
Anba
L.O.V.E

DMHeadley wrote 1421 days ago

The book cover is beautiful!
I love the story but agree with Christine about the homonyms. It's easy to do and I have done the same.

Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Esrevinu wrote 1424 days ago

Hayley, you have a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. I really like the plot and the writing is good. You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, propelling the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

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