Book Jacket

 

rank 907
word count 59215
date submitted 24.05.2010
date updated 21.11.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
complete

Fairy Ring Farm

HAYLEY WARRINER

A fairy story for grown-ups. Where the realms of fairies and humans meet and mix, and where a human has to save them both.

 

Betrayed in love, Awen leaves the city and seeks solitude in a quiet Scottish valley. She buys an old farmhouse and settles there, hoping the peace and remoteness will help heal her broken heart.

But she soon finds that she is not alone. For there are fairies -- not just at the bottom of her garden, but all around. And the fairies are at war.

Awen discovers that she, a human, holds the key to saving not only the fairy realm but the human realm, too. Before too long Awen and her band of helpers are fighting not just for their lives, but battling to save both worlds.

Quote for FAIRY RING FARM.

I have just read the opening and have to say, I find this completely charming and as enchanting as the theme.

Brilliant narrative; descriptive and skillful.

You have a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling.

The richly detailed imagery of the prose in Fairy Ring Farm is extraordinary and the reader is easily swept away.

quite delighted to discover it was also aimed at older adults as oppose to the traditional YA target audience.

 
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tags

, adult fantasy, faires, fairy, fantasy, horror, scotland, sexy

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chapter 1

FAIRY RING FARM,                BY HAYLEY SMITH     

 

The once grand farm house sat back along a long and rutted road, it was very nearly overgrown with the brambles and weeds that surrounded it on all sides.  It was special place, as it had always been . The Druid elders had come here and cast their spells and called to the goddess and their other many spirits who they prayed to in their ceremonys .  They were always drawn to the magic of the lay lines which flowed around the farm lands and the woods surrounding the farm  and the valleys and mountains of the beautiful land of Scotland.  Before them came the fairies who had once roamed this wide open space, their fairy rings and places of magic were  filled  as they danced and came into this world on the special days of each year where the two realms could see each other,  and where the mortals and immortals could cross into each others worlds.

 

The farm house had started as little more than a wood shack, but over the centuries  the people that had been drawn to the area,  and the last of great druid people had built this massive and impressive white washed farm house which now stood on the centre meeting point of the lay lines. 

The standing stones which had fallen many years ago, were now nothing more than a pile of natural stone slowly being taken back my mother nature, their magical purpose long forgotten. But the fairy rings  hidden deep in the farms woods had survived, and still full of the magic which they were once well known for.

 

The farm always did well, cows flowed with milk, crops grew strong and tall, children were born healthy and lived till a grand old age.  The house was well looked after and loved, it was a happy home for the people who lived there over the years.  That was until one fateful night when the only child of the house fell in love.

That fateful night   

 

The cupboard door opened, into the darkness of the room, a soft glow from the fire tried to light the room, its flickering light cast its glow across the homely furniture, and the sleeping cat on the fireside rug.

Slowly they came out, flitting from one place to the other, up on the shelf, down to the table, knocking items off as they fluttered, each one different, they were domestic fairies,  they picked up the things that were no longer needed and they searched till they found what they were hunting for, a broken knitting needle, and other things cast away, no longer needed by the household.

 

They worked in twos, some times threes, some stacked the wood on the fire, others cleaned the work tops, and others carried flowers to the table and collected the eggs ready for the morning.

It was too late by the time they came face to face with the young girl hiding in the  dark corner of the kitchen.   She knew they were real and she had waited up nearly all night to catch a glimpse of the little people of her fairy tail books which she loved to read.  A single fairy floated to the little girl, he sat on her nose and the fairy dust from his wings made her sneeze, Hello she whispered,   Dont be afraid I wont hurt you she said rising her hand to another fairy that had flitted to her side.  This was a pretty little thing,  she had the reddest hair and the palest skin, and she was in a dress of black feathers, and poppy petals, she sat and watched as they fluttered around her and the room Oh no dont go she cried as they took flight, Please dont go,  I wont someone to play with she said a single tear falling down her face, the little boy fairy turned and said something she could not hear to the poppy fairy, to which she just shook her head before she headed back to the cupboard.  He floated to her ear and whispered My name is Hall Tumbleweed whats your name  he asked and she smiled shyly I am Grace and with that he was gone.  Grace smiled to herself,  she could hear her parents getting ready to start the day, she had been there all night, she turned on the light and put the flowers into the vase and put the kettle on the fire, ready for when Ma and Pa came down, she opened the cupboard and looked in, the good neighbours were no where to be found. 

After that night she would sit and wait for the little fairy to return and when they came Hall always came to her and they would sit and talk about many different things, and they would walk in the woods under the moon light as they got to know each other they started to fall in love, and it grew stronger and stronger till they did not want to be parted ever again.

  

Tonight she waited for Hall to return, she watched as the fairies entered the room, soon Hall flittered into the kitchen and headed to her side, Come on I want to show you something he told her as he sat on her young shoulders as she walked they talked as they went.  She followed the directions  he gave her.  They had meet and done this many time before,  But tonight was to be a special night,  Hall directed Grace to the fairy ring, its mushrooms outlining the ring and moss had grown only in the centre of the circle. 

It was a special night for tonight it was Heflin Elfin.  The night where the worlds opened and Grace could cross into fairy land with Hall. He told her of his plan for them, how she could cross over into the fairy realm and become a fairy and they could be together forever. She smiled and agreed to follow him into the ring, so he told her what they must do. They danced together in the fairy ring,  As Hall had shown her over the nights they had spent together only this time they entered the ring. Come with me Grace, you would love the fairy realm, and you would become one of us, we could be together forever he told her as the realm opened and she could see the beautiful world he had come from, she wanted to follow Hall and become a fairy, but she feared it as well.

 Oh Hall I do love you,  But what of Ma and Pa, I cant leave them she said a tear sliding down her cheek, We could come back now and again and you could see them, Grace without you I will die, please come with me she walked to the tree and thought for a little while.

She turned to the little Fairy who she loved with all her heart, Ok, I will come with you Hall she said smiling, I have to warn you, one you cross over, you cannot return for a whole year and you shall then be a fairy like me he said fluttering before her face.

So Grace agreed, for she truly loved Hall, and as the sun started to rise, Grace felt herself change, she started to shrink to Halls tiny frame. Her once long plane ash blond hair, curled and shone like gold in the morning light, her dress turned to dew dotted bramble leaves with flashes of red and blue, and when she had completely transformed, she had a beautiful set of skylark blue wings, for the first time she felt free and happy. She darted between the trees and flowers, she could see so much more with her fairy eyes.

  The old world she had known now felt like it had such life that she had never seen before.  She heard the wind whisper and the birds sing high in the sky, the river sang to her, and she glided back to Hall, he was sitting on one of the mushrooms, and when she landed he kissed her with such passion, they linked hands and took flight and the two fluttered through the veil together forever.

 

 

 

The sun shone on the green grass, and the flowers were lifting there faces to the sun.

Awen pushed the car up the steep road, the engine groaned and the temperature needle slowly started to rise. Come on girl, its not far now she begged the car which seemed to get slower and slower, she sighed in relief as she reached to the top of the rolling hills.

Steam rose from the bonnet, Ok then old  girl we will stop for a second she said undoing the lid of her drink and slowly drank the warm liquid which had sat in the hot car for the many miles they had travelled.  She wiped the sweat from her brow, and opened the car door and lifted the bonnet, steam bellowed up into the temperate air, she had to let the car cool,  she turned around and looked the scenic beauty, rolling hills and grass land and fields of heather, as far as her eye could see.  A small river flowed through the valley before her and made its way across the glen, a lone stag stood on the side of the mountain which was etched into the valley, which was surrounded by wooded areas and snow topped mountains which gave the feel of a scene from a painting that should be hung on the wall. How she wished that she could paint and trap this first view of her new home forever. 

She felt for the first time in many months happy and relax, after everything that happened with her boyfriend John and that woman, it had hurt so much when she found out about them she looked back over the scene once again in her head.

 

She had finally followed him,  he said he had been going to a business meeting, but when she had followed him her heart in her mouth the whole way, he had driven up to a block of dirty flats, and he had climbed the stairs, she could see him as they were open fronted flats, she watched him walk around and along the flats,  he stopped three doors down the row and knocked on the door, out she had come in very little,  she was slender and very young,  pretty for what she could see.  They kissed each other passion blazing through, he rubbed his hands over her breast and she laughed, he followed her into the flat and softly shut the door.

But Awen could see the door had not closed it sat calling to her, come on and see it , you will know the truth,  it called to her, so she locked her car and walked slowly towards the flats. Each step hurt her, physically and mentally, she walked slowly and  passed onto the floor, then on to the next and then to the floor she wanted. She pushed the door to the open landing, she could hear music coming from the flat door and voices inside.

She looked into the window, they were laying together, making love and  kissing each other, she felt herself move forwards she pushed open the flats ajar door and walked in.

She turned into the front room, when he looked up to see her standing there before them, his face dropped and his mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping out of water, the women shouted at her,  asking her who the hell she thought she was, walking into someones home, the girl looked to John and then Awen and all she said was Oh my god, shes your wife isnt she, shes your wife and started to hit him, I did not know,  I swear the girl said a sob rising in her voice and tears started to fall down her face.

Awen found herself talking, No,  thank god, I am not his wife but I am his girlfriend she turned and walked out pain burning deep in her mind and heart, she walked automatically heading to her car, she did not know where she was going.

 

John started to pull  his clothes on and he stumbled and fell as he tried to follow Awen, she opened her car got in and drove, she drove around for a couple of hours, John rang and rang, and Lilly too, but she did not answer she just looked at the phone and cancelled the call, finally at midnight she pulled up to Lillys luxury flats and pressed the intercom.

Hello, who is it Lilly sleepily asked as she answered the bell.

Lilly Im sorry,  its late.. Can I…” the tears blocked her words, the door buzzed and Lilly ran down the stairs to Awen when she opened the door, Come on, come on everything will work itself out,  it will be alright Lilly said kissing her face and hugging her. I understand, dont worry, we will sort it out  Lilly had said when she felt the time was right.  They had talked until the sun rose in the sky, and at seven in the morning they feel asleep, Even though Awen tossed and turned the scene replaying over and over again in her mind, and in her sleep she cried out and sobbed, and Lilly watched her friend unhappy sleep. It was when she woke up she knew she must get away from London, and John and the pictures of him in her head with that girl, she could not stand the memories that flowed around her head, the place they first meet, and where they had there first kiss, and where they made love under the old bridge in Richmond park, the sun had been setting and the flowers where in full bloom, the stags rutting for there mates, love seemed thick in the air, she could not think of that, it was over no matter how much it hurt, she could not and would not go back.

London held so many memorys for her, she had to move on and find a new life, her new start.

 

So this was why she had driven hundreds of miles and why she was sitting on the bank of the road with her car slowly cooling down,  Why could it not be easy for her just this once?. After a hour of her sitting on the side of the lonely and far reaching road as she waited for the car to cool, after she had put in the water which she had collected from the gentle stream, which had followed along the edge road.

As she was putting the bonnet down  an old battered van came up the hill. It smoked and coughed its way up to the side of her car. Everything ok miss said the voice inside the van, yes I am fine she smiled she over heated for a little while said Awen as she turned to the driver of the van.

A smiling face with ice blue eyes looked back to her,. His long black hair fighting to be released from its bonds  Could you tell me how far from Amadale  I am please she asked the driver who had stopped to help her.  Well you are a couple of miles out,  I m going just over the other side of Amadale you can follow me to the turn off if you wont he said revving his engine, where are you going in Amadale? he asked, I am looking at a farm house its called Fairy ring farm she said looking at the house details as she spoke. Well I am going to fairy woods  thats just down the road from the farm just  follow me and I will show you the way to the farms road he said and started off down the road.

Awen pushed her car into gear and followed the young man in his battered smoking van. she shut her windows because smoke from the van was filling her car and making her eyes water and burned her throat.   She followed him over the rolling hills up and down the beautiful valleys which surround them on each side. Rolling of green and gold hills and flower covered glens spread as far as she could see the heather growing on the hill sides and the side of the road. It was almost breath taking and she could not wait to see the farm and the wildness that surrounded it.

 

Wild birds and animals made there home on the grass lands and high hills and she longed to stop and take a walk in the ever growing wildness that opened before her eyes.  After about twenty miles the van pulled to the side of a little lane which they were making their slow way along.  The  van driver got out and pointed to a tiny road to the left of the van.  Well if you follow down the road there for about two miles then you take the river road and keep going about a mile on from there look for a little overgrown road and the drive thats the farms drive be careful the signs very over grown and hard to see Ma and Pa dont use the drive as they dont have a car he said and started to walk away back to his van which spluttered into life after he got in. Hey, thank you, I would have never found it with out you, whats your name she said as he slowly closed his door, Tom thats me and your welcome I am backwards and forwards around these parts and with that he put the van into gear and drove off.

 

Awen drove the car into the lane and followed Toms directions. She followed over the water which crossed the road with a little water ford the water splashed up the side of her car and covered the window and she turned on the wipers to clear her view. The car made its slowly up the hill and Tom the van driver was right as she nearly drove right past the sign and the over grown drive which lead to the farm house.

She pulled the car up the drive and the bramble scraped and squealed along the cars sides and she shuddered as it squealed its protest, she turned around the bend and the large stone farm house stood in a group of massively impressive trees. The path was cleared from the brambles which protected the drive with there nasty thorns and the windows of the white washed farm house were wide open to the fresh air. An old battered and overgrown car sat rusting in the drive long forgotten and unloved by its owner.  A little path lead the eye across the field to the road below the farm to a small gate which swung on its hinges and seemed to wave to Awen as its welcome.

 

 

Awen got out of the car and walked to the green tatty front door its paint peeling from the wood.  She could see that the front door had not been used for a long while so she looked around and found a well used little path which lead round the back of the farm. She followed the path a little like Dorothy in the wizard of oz and almost giggled the song to herself as she made her way round the back. She came across a small white picket fence painted white which enclosed a herb and vegetable garden the path took her through the gate and further round the back of the large farm house, massive vegetables made way to herbs and then to flowers as she looked at the ground as she walked to the back of the premises.  She came to the back door it was in a little better condition them that of its sister front door. A large brass knocker smiled a crocked smile to the person who would reach out to the handle, its face surrounded by brass leaves and berries its once shining face now dull and lustreless.  Hello anyone home Awen called through the open door and she heard shuffling and movement from within the house. She knocked on the door again unable to use the grotesque knocker which she wondered whether it would bite the hand which reached out to it. Yes, yes hold your socks for a second came a voice from deep inside.

Awen stepped back, the heat outside was becoming unbearable as the sun shone hard down on her and she could feel herself starting to sweat in the mid day sun. Hello there you must be Miss Bend came a voice from behind her. Stood  a little back from her was a  old woman who had walked up the path which lead to the woods at the back of the farm. Her pinafore smudged with berry juice and in her hands a basket full to over flowing with different fruits stood a little frail old woman. The old lady brushed the stray strands from her face and smiled to Awen as she made her way up the garden path. She held out her hands to welcome Awen and they smiled to each other as they shock hands. Awen wondered why she never heard the old woman as she came into the garden. what you doing out here, its so hot said the old women Come in lass, come in she pushed open the door, I did knock but I was told to wait said Awen blushing not wonting to get who ever was inside in any trouble. Why that old cantankerous git making you wait outside she huffed as she headed in the open door. Cool air flowed across the room and Awens skin. Awen looked around the hallway which was covered in old wallpaper that Awen mad a mental note would need replacing.  Well Im Ma Palling, and this old goat is Pa palling, you sit yourself down and have a glass of fresh lemonade she said as they entered the kitchen which lead off from the hall, it was a bright and clean friendly room and Awen liked the large black range that stood on the back wall. Ma  opened the fridge door and took out a jug of cloudy home made lemonade, and opened the small battered freezer and reached in for some ice. Awen sat at the table and looked around the room. She looked out of the window to the large garden and found herself endangering what it would be like to live in this massive white washed rose covered farm house. Awen looked to the old man who sat in the chair by the empty grated fire place she smiled and sipped her drink. What you wont said a thin old man with a thick blanket across his legs and a newspaper laid on the chair arm.  Now Pa I told you this nice young lady was coming to look at the farm today she said refilling Awens glass of lemonade she filled with ice and the sweet lemonade. The old man grunted and shuffled in his seat. My farm not for sale he said lapping at the lemonade which was placed in front of him by his wife his eyes glaring at Awen. Now Pa  dont you start none, you know we cant managed any more, time for us to move on she said smiling to Awen and hinting they should head out into the heat again. Awen was happy to be moved from the glare of the thin and bitter little man.  When they had walked through the front door Pa stopped and turned to Awen smiling as she did.  I am sorry Miss Bend she smiled sadly Pa had a stroke a year ago and he wont like to move. His family has been born here for three generations and Pa wants to pass on here like his father did she smiled at Awen hoping she understood and would except her apology . But I cant cope you see to much for just me and I cant afford to get help in. I am not as young as I once was she smiled sadly.

Awen smiled back to ma and nodded her understanding to the small lady before her and the two started to walk from the house. Ma showed her around the grounds of the farm. Old building where falling down around the whole farm and there was a lot of work needed. She followed Ma to the old stable block and to the hay barn. used to have a couple of horses years ago when the farm was fully working to pull the plow and such, when I was a girl I would ride them from the fields to home. she smiled as she told Awen of her life as a young girl. I lived just down the road at fairy cottage, its gone now but I would help out Pas mother when  it was jam making time, thats how I met Pa she said as she floated off into the world she once knew. I would love to have a horse, I rode when I was younger, but when my parents died I moved to London to live with my aunt I had to give it up Awen told Ma feeling as if she could tell her everything that had broken her heart.  well I would go to the gypsies in the wood, they always have a horse or two to sell, good beast too Ma told her as they made there was to the edge of the field  what you see belongs to the house, the woods over there to the river there and down to the road, half field over road belongs to the  farms as well, once good grazed land, but had to get rid of  the sheep last year she said as she pointed out the farms many boundaries. It was a large place and beautiful in the wildness which surrounded the land and the farm. Rolling fields and a mist of mountains hiding in the back of the view  as far as the eye could see. It almost took her breath away and brought a tear of wonder to her eyes.  She felt she had come home everything felt right and she had felt such comfort in the farm it called to her and told her she was welcome and she was safe. Awen heard Ma talking and she turned her mind back to Ma. the agent told me it would be better to sell them off bit by bit,  but it would brake my heart to do it and Pa would never stand for it she said wrapping her hand into Awens arm as they walked to the vegetable garden and the orchard.  just over the hedge there are the standing stones, not so standing now that time has taken its toll, this was once a very special place of the druids, now and again they come and we make a nice little money for them camping and so on Ma told Awen and when she could see that the idea worried Awen she added. they are no bother, and they do bits around the farm for free she said, but Awen was still unsure she wonted others on her farm. She was already felt it was her farm, her home.

They made there way back to the house, Awen felt the cool air as she entered the house, well this is the house, there has been a house here since the roman times, not this one of cause , but there has always been a dwelling here, always been someone here, she opened the door to the stairs, think you should start up here I think said the old women.

You go up lass, I cant get up there no more, its needs a good clean and you will wont to decorate it,  but not much else wrong with it she said pressing her hand on Awens back, Up you go lass, my old hips wont let me she said as Awen made her way up the winding staircase. Pictures and photo lined the dark and dirty wall. And she stopped to look at each one. Each was a different fairy and each had different dress made form leaves and petals. The photos where of mushroom rings and other mossy glens and waterfalls, sparking lakes and wood areas. Awen smiled and made her way up stairs.

Awen slowly climbed the steep stairs and entered the upstairs landing, it was bright as it had a window at the end of the hallway that let the rays of light into the hallway. There where five solid doors for her to open and Awen mad her way down the hall to the furthest door.  It was on the left and it opened to a large old fashioned bathroom. It had a fancy foot enamel bath which sat in the centre of the floor its dripping brass shower left a green mark In the bottom of the bath from the consent dripping shower head. The toilet was to the left and sink to the right.  A large cupboard filled the rest of the room. The floor was covered with black and white floor tiles. Dust covered the room and the windows needed a good clean and she looked out to the fields and a wonderful view.

Smiling she walked around the bathroom. Thinking of the things she could put here and there. She went back over to the dusty window and looked out over the fields, it was a lovely view, from where she stood she could see a large mound of stones over the back to the field, moss covered them, and she made a mental note to check it out when she moved in to the farm,  she turned around and closed the door and headed to the next. Opening the door she found a small box room, great for a writing room she thought to herself and again a view to die for,  I will never get writers block here with these views, she told herself.  It had been a long time since she had written ever since she had found out that John had cheated. No she would not put those thought here. She looked around the small room and noted the items in the room.

The room was furnished with a small bed frame and side table furnishes the room, an old sliver framed  photo of a young girl smiling, she was sitting in the meadow by the river, her long blond hair cascaded down her back, her smile sweet and gentle, she had kinds eyes. The wardrobe stood grandly in the corner, Awen opened the door and the clothes smelt musty and the smell of moth balls filled her nose. She closed the door and turned around as she did she ran her hand over the home made quilt which lay on the single bed. The toys sat on the bed and looked into space, a sorry looking teddy bear had fallin over and looked sad so she picked him up and helped him join the other toys once again. Awen wondered who this young girl was and what had happened to her. Had she left this lovely place?

She turned and walked to the next room, inside here stood a big double black iron bedstead. It had a beautiful set made up of  cupboards and a mirrored dresser with a grand wardrobe. The room had tatty wall paper and dust covered every surface it had its touched every where like a blanket.  She opened the other doors to find boxes and bits of the Pallings life. Each labelled and stored in the room,. Curtains and old bits of future cluttered the room along with boxes of books and other items stored for many years. She closed the last door behind her and smiled to herself as she made her way to the end of the hallway. Looking out of the window she formed her new life in the farm house. She planned the colours of the walls and the carpets which would go well with the walls.

She made her way down stairs to the kitchen, she followed the smell of fresh baking cake, she looked at the pictures of the farm in the downstairs hallway. It had changed little since the painting. The only difference was that over the years the camera had taken

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CARite wrote 178 days ago

Fairy Ring Farm - I love your descriptive voice....it almost paints a picture. Very well done.. I like the sense of place I get right away, drawing me into the farm. It's a fanciful, fantastic and magic world you've conjured. Well done, Haley. Will come back and read some more.
CADreiliing - The Line- Beginnings

RMAWriteNow wrote 215 days ago

Hi Hayley; I have just read your first chapter.
Firstly, well done on not letting Dyslexia stopping you doing what you love. Secondly, well done on writing and labelling this as a fairy tale that is not just for kids. I am a strong believer that a good fairy tale can and should be enjoyed by anyone, (we're all big kids at heart.)
I thought the opening to this was great. The character of Grace is written with a delicacy that really shines through. Her desire to see the Fairy people and make a friend works well. To then continue to the point where she goes with them is something just that bit different to the norm.
We then move to Awen's part of the story. Once she gets to the point where she is with Ma and Pa at the farm, we can get an idea of where the this is headed.
I thought this very good. My only helpful tip would be that occasionally you use the same words more than once in a sentence. If you can adjust when this happens I think it will flow even better. But well done on a very convincing and natural feeling story.
Starred for you.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Di Manzara wrote 216 days ago

Hi Hayley,

This to me looks fantastic. The title and pitches are good, well-written. I've WL this for now. I'll come back soon to read it.

It's me,
D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURE

book fan 85 wrote 467 days ago

A good old fairy tale - literally. Your story reminds me of the fairy storys of old, which embodies magic and wonder along with adventure. Just a few crit, you have a few typo's here and there and also your grammar's a little off in places, but apart from this an enchanting tale so far :-)

DMHeadley wrote 508 days ago

A wonderful , charming and magical story. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Dawn,
Sammy and the Wise Willow

K-Trina wrote 527 days ago

Enchanting storyline but needs work with grammatical errors and wrong word usages - be encouraged that you have the makings of a great story but invest in proofing and editing more :)

Bea Sinclair wrote 533 days ago

A charming and unusual story which should appeal to readers of all ages. This is genuine escapism, remeniscent of the "Disc World" series of books and "Stardust". I wish you the very best of luck. Starred and watch listed.
Yours Bea

klouholmes wrote 537 days ago

Hi Hayley, An enchanting tale. I especially liked how the Druid past was brought in and the forecast of the fairies revealing some of that way of life. And also how Awen comes from London and the parallels with the romantic life there and the possibilities, even more fantantic, of the farm country. Grace's clothing before she went with the fairies had made her part of them? That also had me wondering.
Your style flows very nicely and corresponds with this style of story. Mesmerizing. The manuscript needs editing though, punctuation especially, and sometimes words weren't right such as "plane" instead of "plain." It feels as if you wrote this quickly and need to go back and fix those issues. Also, some paragraphs were quite long and could be split into two.
There's a feeling that these fairies are so connected to the past and to the human life - it's not that fluttery type of fairy story. And that has much appeal. Shelved - Katherine

Joshua Jacobs wrote 542 days ago

I know you're looking for comments about your book storyline, but as is, it's difficult to assess this due to the mistakes. From what I can tell, you have all the makings of a great story, but this needs a lot of editing and polishing.

In the first sentence, the use of "along" and "a long" back-to-back doesn't sound right. Can you reword? Also, your first sentence is a run-on. "The once grand farm house sat back along a long and rutted road" is an independent clause. So is "it was very nearly overgrown with the brambles and weeds that surrounded it on all sides." When you have two independent clauses squeezed together with only a comma, it's a run-on. Use a period, a comma and a conjunction, or a semi-colon.

Do you mean: "it was a special place as it had always been."

In "cast their spell's and called to the goddess," spells should not have an apostrophe. Apostrophes are for contractions and possessive nouns, not plural nouns. Same with ceremony's. It should be ceremonies. Same with places. And days. In fact, every plural noun in this so far has an apostrophe when it shouldn't.

Mix up your paragraph starters. Your first five paragraphs all begin with "the." Avoid this repetition.

"The house was well looked and loved..." is another run-on.

You also have a few extremely long paragraphs that would be more effective if broken up. For example, when you use dialogue, you should start a new paragraph every time someone different speaks. In fact, you really need to review proper punctuation for dialogue. Your conversations are next to impossible to follow.

I could keep going on like this, but your novel needs a major edit. I think it's great that you're having someone help with editing, but a lot of the mistakes are things you can learn if you take the time to do so. If you want to write professionally, these are things you will want to learn yourself.

As I read on, the story itself develops well and I'm intrigued by the opening events, but the amount of work that needs to be done grammatically makes this extremely difficult to read at the moment. I'd be happy to revisit this once you've cleaned up the numerous errors; just shoot me a message.

tracy t wrote 542 days ago

Hi
Read a few pages to get a quick feel of your book, so far i like it, easy to read and interesting.
I love the Fairies, but then I have Fairies in my book to :)
I have added your book to my watch list and over Christmas when I am off I will come back and read some more.
Good luck with it.
Tracy T

RK Summers wrote 542 days ago

Good premise, a nice layout, strong characters... Well done!

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing a good edit won't polish up. However, due to the fact that my own novel is somewhat similar to yours (an adult faerie story set in Scotland) I fear I cannot comment properly because the selfish part of my head will always be comparing, so my apologies if I come across abrupt or snarky.

Overall, I think there is a good storyline here, and definitely worth the read!

RK Summers

orma wrote 546 days ago

A really sweet fairy tale, Haley. I can imagine the whole family enjoying this together. We all have a bit of the child in us!
All the best and good luck, Haley.

Neville wrote 557 days ago

Fairy Ring Farm.
By Hayley Warriner.


I love the opening part of the book. The farm house with its lay lines and fairy rings close to it.
It’s all good stuff.
It conjures up an air of mystery and intrigue immediately for the reader.
A beautiful book..very picturesque and a pleasure to read for any age.
Absolutely love it, Fairies, Magic, the whole storyline.
It does need a good edit though like we all have to do at times.
Just dotted a couple down, trying to help but there are many more. I’m not being critical of the book, It’s a great story.

…”I (wont) someone to play with” she said… Want? / Comma after – with.
..a single tear falling down her face, the little boy… Period after Face/ Capital for –The little boy…
…”My name is Hall Tumbleweed what’s your name”… Comma after Tumbleweed/ Question mark after what’s your name.
…“Come with me Grace, you would love…” Comma is required after -Me.
…”Oh Hall I do love you, But what of…” Comma after – Oh / Period after –You (not a comma).

Pleased to back your book and star-rate it high!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.



Hennie wrote 561 days ago

I really loved this! Well done!
Backed and rated!
If I could ask a favor, please check out the awesome books on my shelve, and consider supporting them!
They are really all a great read and I've heard that the author of Everlasting will be publishing the complete rewrite of her book soon!
regards
Hennie

DMHeadley wrote 562 days ago

A gripping tale! I love the story. The characters are wonderful. I will be back to read the rest :)
Well done.
Best wishes with the book.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

SubRon2 wrote 568 days ago

My dear Hayley, thank you for backing my book "Daughters." That was kind of you. I've read just five paragraphs of your book, and feel I must give you a lesson about the use of apostrophes. Your first paragraph has seven plural words where you are using apostrophes. These words are all just plural, they don't need apostrophes, and the one word in that first paragraph that "does" need an apostrophe "other," doesn't have one.
"Others" should be "other's" showing possession. ("...into each other's worlds.)
In paragraph five you have "it's flickering light" In the apostrophe world that's they only possession form that I know about that doesn't use an apostrophe, so here the apostrophe should be removed, as "it's" is a contraction for "it is" Maybe as I get farther into your story I will see differently, but these are your first five paragraphs, what the reader sees first in your story. I see you updated on 10-27. You should do it again.
Now I'm going to continue reading.
Hayley, I finished your first scene, to where Grace stepped into the fairy ring. Your story enchants me. I love it, but, unfortunately, I see so many more problems. You are telling a wonderful story. I'm going to suggest something. Ask a friend or a teacher, or somebody you trust to edit for you. But just fix the gramatical errors! Do not touch the content! I understand dylexia and I know it can be a problem.
I find this fairy tale very believable and I will be back, but I can't back your book right now.
One last thing, here in North Dakota I have twice seen a fairy ring of mushrooms. I didn't step in, but I did feel enchanted. Thank you for this opportunity of seeing your work,
James W. Nelson

Philthy wrote 571 days ago

Hi Hayley,

I’m finally getting the chance to check out your book. Below are my findings. They are, of course, my humblest opinions.

Regarding your short pitch, “grownup” isn’t hyphenated. It’s one word. Also, I’d combine the sentences in that SP.

Nice premise, though there’s a bit of back story that can be cut out. Keep it to the hooks.

Chapter 1
Farmhouse is one word.

You’ve got a run-on sentence going with the first sentence. Put a period after road as these are two independent clauses.

Elders should be capitalized, and not have an apostrophe (it’s not possessive)

Spells should not have an apostrophe

Neither should ceremonys. Ceremonys should be ceremonies.

You’ve got a good story going here, and great descriptions. The biggest thing I noticed is that this needs a few scrubs for grammar. The aforementioned findings are examples. I think at times these grammatical errors are distracting your reader from the great parts of this chapter and all you have to offer as a quality writer. Telling the story is the most important thing, but quality grammar is the package, and unfortunately, people want the package. Also, the formatting’s a little strange. At times, dialogue is buried in prose when it probably ought to be parsed out as a new paragraph. Getting this down will greatly help the flow of the chapter.

Take that for what it’s worth. Your story telling is VERY good, and that’s the most important thing. The other stuff comes with rewrites, which we all have to do.

Best of luck with this! It’s an enjoyable read and should do well here.

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Dakota Velasquez wrote 572 days ago

Hiya Hayley,

I want to say I really like the way you write. I just finished the first chapter and I am looking forward to reading more. This is a rather refreshing story and its so original. I love your descriptions, a book with good descriptions always keeps me reading. I'm totally rating this five stars. This is something I can see showing up on the top sellers lists. I have to say that I've never been a fairy liking person, but you have caught my attention.

I shall comment again when I've read some more, wonder what is waiting for me?
Dakota

hayely smith wrote 573 days ago

Hi everyone, FAIRY RING FARM is now with the editor and hopefully it will be uploaded and read for all you wonderfull people

L_MC wrote 573 days ago

Hayley, finally got round to making a start on Fairy Ring Farm. Yes, it needs editing but I'm aware of the issues so not going to get into that. What did stand out for me is that this is a delightful story and quite different to find a premise like this for an adult audience; to skip from the delights of the little girl falling in love with the fairy to Awen finding out about John's betrayal.

You have created a lovely image of the farm and given it a magical quality that perfectly suits the fairy inhabitants.

Sunnie Day wrote 576 days ago

Hello Haylely,
I just read the first chapter and I found your story to be so wonderul and light. Your descriptions are beautiful and a reader can easily be drawn into the story.I am not a very good editor so I will stick with the basis of the story which is magical and refreshing. I can see this being very entertaining to many. Best of luck on this wonderful book. I have put you on my book list.
Kind Regards,
Sunnie

JDEvans wrote 576 days ago

Hi Hayley,

This is beautifully written and your vivid discriptions were wonderful reading this reminds me of all the games i used to play as a kid pretending that fairies were real and that i could see them. a beautiful stat to a book i'll be sure to come back and read some more 6 stars and its going on my watch list well done

Kelbean wrote 579 days ago

Hi Hayley,

Sat down earlier to read some of your book and within a few sentences I was completely hooked! There are some errors but I understand why and I found that the more I read the less I noticed as I got completely sucked into the plot. Your vivid descriptions really bring the book to life. Have given you 5 stars.
Keep up the good work!!

Kelly
Hearts and Minds

GCleare wrote 580 days ago

Your language and voice are beautiful, lyrical, and you have a great eye for detail and description. I read the first chapter and am intrigued to read more. It's really very lovely. Yes, you do indeed need a talented copy editor to sort this out and bring some order and structure to it. It's hard to read when there are long run-on paragraphs and so many misspellings, but your prose shines through! I know someone who could whip this together for you very nicely, she has a great feel for language etc, if you need a referral and would work with someone via Internet (she is in the US and does a lot of editing for foreign students). Good luck with this! Keep working on it, it is charming and you are a great story teller.

LindaSwain wrote 581 days ago

I found this very well written, the images are clear and bright. You have a very strong story line with a great build up of characters and a plot that makes a reader continue on.

I agree that I was also delighted to see that it was aimed for older adults and not the usual YA.. And anytime you can combine Scotland and fairies, you have my attention!

Cwgardner wrote 581 days ago

I like that you went straight to the little girl waiting up for the fairies. They were introduced right away and it grabbed my attention. There are a few typos, along with some redundencies. (Example: "No longer needed" is used twice in the same sentence in paragraph five.) Some of the sentences could stand to be broken up instead of running on. Good story and imagination though.

Wussyboy wrote 582 days ago

Hello Hayley!

Thank you so much for your kind comment on my book. I've just had a peek at yours, and was pleasantly surprised. Yes, it could do with a bit of editing (my best friend has dyslexia, so I know what you're up against), and yes, your first chapter could probably do with being a bit shorter (cut where the little girl changes into a fairy?), but I was charmed and captivated by the opening section about Hall and Grace (I could really see this being read out to children!) and then caught up in Awen's story where she is so cruelly betrayed in love. The jump from children's to adult themes is a bit abrupt, and yes, you may have to decide which of these two audiences you're aiming to please, but I'm giving this high stars for imagination and promise.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Sequoia wrote 582 days ago

FIrst I will admit that I enjoyed the story. I was a little confused like most of your readers about your intended audience. We often believe that stories with faires are intended for children. I wish I could see a better shot of your book cover. I have a couple of questions: 1. Who is your intended audience? 2. Would you classify this as romance with some action or action with supporting romantic roles? 3. What is the underlying story you are trying to tell? Good vs. evil, Love conquers all, the world is imperfect and we're all trying to fit it? The reason I ask these questions is that I am not sure these are clear and to market to the masses,you need to have these questions clearly outlined, defined and presented so the right people are picking up the book and buying it. Like I said I liked the story. Are there already hundreds of similar stories? Sure. Is mine better than those? It's good but it doesn't stand out. What can make it stand out? Shock me! Surprise me! Tell me the story that people don't expect. Rip my heart out and say, why the hell did you write that, how dare you treat John or Lilly that way? And if possible, make me say that at the beginning of your story so I don't have to get so involved before I get there. A slow start often means an unread, unwanted and unpurchased book.

That being said, you are a very good writer. I was concerned when I saw your profile and picked out a very obvious grammatical error. I've been on here for 2 1/2 years and I can tell you, people will pick you apart for every little thing. Good luck to you. I will keep this shelved and will watch how you progress. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read it.

Tom Bye wrote 583 days ago

Hello Hayley.
book- fairy ring farm-

read six chapters of this book last night; and concluded that it is a very nice read indeed.
for the young adults. is gets better as John and Lily enter into the story. Plenty of sexual romance here.

the story get off to a good start as she arrives in Scotland; some very good descriptive writing here; so visual, that it remains in the minds eye; it has me captivated.

back to the romance, Lily has Johns body but Awen has his heart. this is nicely set up and promises more excitement to come.

i liked the way it drifted into the realm of fantasy'; fairies and the like. shows you have a very creative mind.

i will star this very highly with pleasure.

tom bye
from hugs to kisses.
fantasy in mine chapter 14 and 15 and more 16

Teeny Tiny Tambo wrote 586 days ago

From your pitch I assumed this story was for younger generations but was quite delighted to discover it was also aimed at older adults as oppose to the traditional YA target audience. Your first chapter was amazing. The desriptions were vivid and flowed easily as you moved from one scene to the next. There wasn't much dialogue, which might put some people off but I was charmed by your use of descriptions. Your imagination is off the scale!
There are two things I would like to point out. In the first chapter when the characters are speaking to each other, there was no space between the dialogue. It got a little confusing and I had to keep backtracking to see who was speaking. The second is that your chapters are a little on the long side. Maybe you should think about breaking them up into more manageable chunks? Just a thought.
Overall, I though this was a charming little story that readers young and old will love to read.
I wish you the best of luck with it :)
Highly rated!

Yasmin
- Guileless

silvachilla wrote 588 days ago

Hi Hayley

Sorry for the delay, I hope I'm not too late!

In terms of the storyline itself, I think it works. It's nice to have something like this for adults as opposed to kids and it will sit well in the fantasy genre.

I do think it could be improved with a little more dialogue though. Personally, I like a lot of narrative, but it felt like a little too much for me. Your descriptions are strong and enchanting, so you don't need to worry about that so much, I just think it could be lifted a bit with more dialogue in there.

Also, did find some of it a tad repetitve, but I would have thought this would also be picked up by the editor. Particularly, the first paragraph of the story seems to be a direct lift from the pitch, which I don't think is needed since we just read it.

You have some typos, but as you say these will be picked up.

Good job with this though, your imagination is something else!

Silva

Walden Carrington wrote 590 days ago

Hayley,
I was mesmerized as I read some of your descriptions. The richly detailed imagery of the prose in Fairy Ring Farm is extraordinary and the reader is easily swept away in the imaginative narrative. Six stars for a finely crafted work of fiction.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

beth wrote 591 days ago

I was fascinated to read that you have dyslexia since I work in this field and most of my students dislike putting pen to paper. Your first chapter shows all of the strengths typically associated with dyslexia - high levels of creativity, imagination, the ability to think outside the box, etc.

Finding an editor was an excellent idea and I'd love to take a look at this again once you post the edited version otherwise I'll probably end up commenting on things you're in the process of addressing.

Once again, warm and sincere congratulations!

hayely smith wrote 591 days ago

Thank you all so much, it is really helpfull to found out whether your story is a good one or not x

Sandie Newman wrote 592 days ago

I have just read the opening and have to say, I find this completely charming and as enchanting as the theme. You set the scene for the farm house so well and I love the talk of the lay lines and that everyone who comes to the house is happy and healthy and then the next part tells us that something is going to happen and the reader is not quite sure what yet. I loved it, wonderful.

Cariad wrote 592 days ago

Can I make a little point before I read properly? I think you should carefully edit the first bit because of misuse of the apostrophe -

'The Druid elder's...' - just Elders
'spell's...' - just spells
'ceremony's' - just ceremonies
'place's' - just places.

don't want to seem picky, but it will really put an agent off when you need them on your side. I'm reading on now, but happy to help out if you are not sure about the apostrophes.

hayely smith wrote 592 days ago

I now have an editor lol, things are looking up lol

hayely smith wrote 592 days ago

I have now decided to go to an editor, this is a cost but i want the book to stand a chance in the real world, i am not up to the job so it means i need real help. i want to take it to a publishers and if it fails then it will be the story not my grammer ect that holds it back.. thank you all for your help.x

just barbara wrote 592 days ago

nice to read a fairy story for adults, but did think to begin with that this was meant as a children's voice - perhaps sharpening the vocabulary and pace might alter that. Good flow to work, however, you do need to edit puntuation and check spellings all the way through. Could be good with a little more polishing, best of luck,
regards
Barbara
'Awakening the Magic'

a.morrison712 wrote 604 days ago

You have faeries in your book and I have them in mine. I had to come over and see how your story was different and how you addressed the little creatures. I loved it. I've only made it to the first chapter but I can already tell that your use of description is going to carry this book far. I really enjoyed the pace and natural flow that you seems to come effortlessly to you. Well done! Many stars for you! I can't wait to read more.

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

hayely smith wrote 605 days ago

Thank you for your info really helpful, and what a great idea SRfire! gonna download it, am reading it back and noteing spellings ect, but its really hard as i am dyslexic! and it is quite hard. i am thinking of getting someone to do the proof for me, but dont really know where to start or how! if anyone knows about a proof reader let me know x

Su Dan wrote 605 days ago

brilliant narrative; descriptive and skillful...the story follow that as you continue to write your character...
on my watchlist...six stars...
read SEASONS...

SRFire wrote 605 days ago

Well, you've certainly got an original story here. You have put much heart, soul, and no doubt tears into the ink of this story. You've captured me. Now the story is complete hopefully you will have the 'fire in the belly' to rework it into something even better. One aspect that doesn't do justice to the story is the spelling and grammar issues. Grammar is a horrible subject, not my forte either, but unless you insert the commas and periods in the correct places, your voice will be lost. Which is a shame, because I really think this has potential.
One way to overcome this is to use a Natural Reader. You can download a free version from the internet at http://www.naturalreaders.com/download.htm. As your words are read back to you, you can experiment with punctuation to give the best emphasis to each phrase. I hope this helps.
xx

hayely smith wrote 605 days ago

Well its all on here now, some has been redone and the chapters have been fininshed, i would love some feed back from all you lovely people. the book is fairy ring farm and i must say i love it! but then i did write it lol thank you everyone, i will look at everyones books and back it for you as well x

luckyfish09 wrote 606 days ago

Nice story with lots of promise. It just needs some ediitng.
One example, you use sit in a sentence when it should be sat and some of the sentence structure was also a little confusing because they needed commas. I hope this helps. You're off to a good start!
Good luck!

luckyfish09
Spellbound

A Knight wrote 1064 days ago

Fantastic work. This is fantasy at its best, gripping, creepy and engaging. You pull there reader right in and carry us along without hesitation.

One thing to watch out for: commas around direct address. "Awen[,] where have you been?" would be correct.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

hayely smith wrote 1075 days ago

Hi everyone, i have not forgot those who have backed my books but i have hurt my shoulder and i am unable to type much! i will get back to it as soon as i can xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

anbasekar wrote 1075 days ago

this well written and love this story
backed
Anba
L.O.V.E

DMHeadley wrote 1079 days ago

The book cover is beautiful!
I love the story but agree with Christine about the homonyms. It's easy to do and I have done the same.

Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Esrevinu wrote 1082 days ago

Hayley, you have a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. I really like the plot and the writing is good. You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, propelling the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

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