Chapter One

Pete,

I am in no way qualified to comment on any aspects of your work other than from the perspective of a reader. I sought out your book after reading numerous, entertaining and enlightening posts you have on the forums. Therefore, as a reader, I have not only been impressed by your writing and deep characterizations portrayed in the first four chapters but also with your ability to connect the reader emotionally with each character. Your heart and your soul come out as though each of these men lives within you and have used your essence to write their stories, their dreams, hopes, failures and fears. The man creating the man within the man or the six degrees of separation theory, either is a unique and original premise.

I found so many special moments that actually moved me to tears because of the way your words float seamlessly across the page allowing me to become completely immersed in the stories of each of these men’s lives. Paul’s description of his feelings the day Hannah was born and how he knew his life was forever changed. The line that struck me the most in this chapter was, “You can’t just walk away from your child; the worlds not big enough.”Then the final scene, of Paul wiping the dust from the old Remington and creating the men within.

I am intrigued by the recurring tramp who blesses those he passes with the feeling of hope, and how just one fleeting moment of connection with another person can inspire and uplift ones spirit.

The dialogue between Katie and Tom is rich and realistic. I was totally drawn into the scene of their walk to town, and I felt I was walking closely behind this father and daughter listening to an actual conversation. That was a moment of pure writing genius.

Your superior strength as a writer lies in your keen observation of humans, and your own deep sense of self, combined with the innate ability to then translate that acute awareness’s to word and paper, allowing the reader a realistic representation of the raw and often flawed human element with style and simplicity.

I am not looking for a return read, only looking for an extremely well written book to enjoy, and I found one. Thank you for that.

I'm not a man... but I read it anyway, so there. I don't think you should limit your readership in that way, regardless. This is a hell of a read, and I read every word of it. (Er, well no, I didn't actually: I read everything except for chapter 27. Chapter 27 will not load, I tried for half an hour. You may need to fix something.)

I feel like I've been in a marathon. That was the hardest reading I've done in a long, long while. This book is a challenge, because it isn't a single book, it's several books at once. Fair enough. But then you also have the same names floating across the different books. How many Lennys? How many Sophias? How many sets of fathers and children named Tom and Katie? I wanted to scream. I'd never have been able to keep this all straight without the pitch to refer to, reminding me who was writing whom.

But I couldn't stop. The wedding-cake layers of the characters' self discovery kept pulling me in. Your book is such a tease; just as I'd get totally involved in someone - whap! No more of him! Now, a new man, a new issue to learn about. And then, there I'd be, falling in love with a new set of characters, and - whap! New guy! New insight to be amazed by... and you have such insight, such amazing insight.

Two little issues, and you are welcome to ignore them, because you are so vastly better at this than I am - I hardly feel qualified to even say a word. But: In Ch 4, I don't beleive a sink would fill to overflowing that quickly. I know it would take a lot longer for MY sink anyway. And in Ch 6, you say "too many levels" twice in the same paragraph, and then "all too often" twice in rapid succession right after that.

Beautiful writing. I've been avoiding you; I wish I hadn't.

Chapter One+
Pete Marchetto

Hi Pete, The more I read, the more I wanted to read. The discussion with Linda expressed the emotional issues of writing besides which Paul is good at expressing the problems of the divorced father. How he sees his setting from the cemetery delves and becomes picturesque. The first line – I wonder if many writers ask that. What is their problem? It grabbed me, the sincere portrait and the stark problems of priority. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Ok, so this really got the old brain cells working. Totally lost with the change from Dave to Tom until I read your pitch again. Then I went, "Ah!" and carried on reading. There is not proper designation for nchick lit for blokes 'cos chap lit doesn't quite work. You observe very well and quickly involve your reader in the lives of your characters - so that works!
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

CHAPTER ONE
I didn’t know what to expect from this book because your pitch is interesting – but also perplexing (at least it was for me). Fortunately, the book itself is much more straight forward. You have an enjoyable writing style; know how to quickly flesh out your characters. Your dialogue is equally good; always short and I love the Australian accent. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Pete, Very intelligent writing. You really know how to use words to make the reader feel what you are telling them. You also have a good way with descriptions. You have more hooks than a fishermans box and my goodness you certainly know how to use them. With all this and a magical flow of this book you make it difficult for anyone who has any emotions to put it down. I wish you luck. Brilliant.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Many thanks. Sean

I read the first chapter and right away I feel your MC is downhearted. I'm impressed with the writing as it pulls you in, yet it doesn't feel forced. The dialogue with Linda is superb. It flows naturally as though I was sitting right there listening to their conversation.
I really enjoyed your storytelling and will be back to read more.
Well done.
MC
Exposed

Pete,

I am in no way qualified to comment on any aspects of your work other than from the perspective of a reader. I sought out your book after reading numerous, entertaining and enlightening posts you have on the forums. Therefore, as a reader, I have not only been impressed by your writing and deep characterizations portrayed in the first four chapters but also with your ability to connect the reader emotionally with each character. Your heart and your soul come out as though each of these men lives within you and have used your essence to write their stories, their dreams, hopes, failures and fears. The man creating the man within the man or the six degrees of separation theory, either is a unique and original premise.

I found so many special moments that actually moved me to tears because of the way your words float seamlessly across the page allowing me to become completely immersed in the stories of each of these men’s lives. Paul’s description of his feelings the day Hannah was born and how he knew his life was forever changed. The line that struck me the most in this chapter was, “You can’t just walk away from your child; the worlds not big enough.”Then the final scene, of Paul wiping the dust from the old Remington and creating the men within.

I am intrigued by the recurring tramp who blesses those he passes with the feeling of hope, and how just one fleeting moment of connection with another person can inspire and uplift ones spirit.

The dialogue between Katie and Tom is rich and realistic. I was totally drawn into the scene of their walk to town, and I felt I was walking closely behind this father and daughter listening to an actual conversation. That was a moment of pure writing genius.

Your superior strength as a writer lies in your keen observation of humans, and your own deep sense of self, combined with the innate ability to then translate that acute awareness’s to word and paper, allowing the reader a realistic representation of the raw and often flawed human element with style and simplicity.

I am not looking for a return read, only looking for an extremely well written book to enjoy, and I found one. Thank you for that.

You've got a fascinating concept here, and after reading the first two chapters, I suspect you pull it off. I assume that with each new "chapter one" the characters move more deeply into the central premise of understanding women and relationships and that their stories, while different, progress? If they just keep spinning around, I have to be honest - I'll wish I had a print version to throw across the room!

That said, I will return to read more. The voice is natural, and the character development is quick and effective. My only concern has been mentioned before. The info-dump in the first chapter is obvious and distracting, especially since the character remarks that it's uncharacteristic and especially, especially since they're in a loud bar. I would imagine more cryptic bits there than a full-on confession.

Otherwise, good work. I think I've filled my shelf with work that is smart and original, so now I look forward to some good reading. Welcome to the shelf!

Very nice. Well, I mean the writing and the way you describe emotions; your dialogue, too. By the end of the first chapter I feel as down as Paul, which is your aim. This doesnt leap out at the reader, but it firmly hooks you in; how will Paul survive and what will happen to him.As the job of a writer is to get the readers attention, job done!
High stars.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair
I'd appreciate a return read if you have the time.

CHAPTER ONE
Pete Marchetto

Read Chapter One of Chapter One. I like this, Pete. You really know how to reach into the soul of your characters. I admire that and think this is going to be one awesome read for me. Backing you for your style that I enjoy, as a belated birthday present and just generally because I like you. :)

Mary Enck

This is motivational and entertaining

Pete,
A book on writers, what they have to go through before they can project themselves on paper. Certainly we devote ourselves to our craft with a mandate to "finish your book before your book finishes you" and in a perfect setting could very well get down to it. Unfortunately, as Paul, Dave, Tom and Lenny demonstrate, life intervenes. And the rest is up for grabs. Your writing is mature, your versatility with words in clear evidence. Thank you so much for the captivating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I loved this narrative. It could have gone on and on about the cruelty of camel hair coats and the plight of the common house fly, and I still would have enjoyed it. Sadly, I don't have the time (or the comfortable furniture) to read it all in one sitting, so I'll drop another comment when I'm done.

strong writing style and story telling. keep writing.
j
what every woman should know

My goodness this is wonderful. It isn't often, when reading something, I come over tearful and it's not because it's sad (it is but...) it's really because the writing is so complete. I can feel you in the writing - you have put everything into it - your heart, your soul ... it's beautiful. It has an energy, a life of it's own ... the words float from the page creating this world around me. I absolutely loved the bit with the father and child and Dave's observations. It is quite clear to me you people watch ... and you do it well because you write it well.

I've read two chapters but I will finish this - it's too good not to.

Michelle

This is strong stuff - complex, ambitious and intriguing. I love stories in stories. Can it sustain over a novel? I suspect so, for the reader prepared to be challenged, but it proves too dark a read for me currently (a personal thing, no reflection on the work) and so I've read the first few chapters on and off over the past week or so and then just dipped into others for a peep.

Characters - the whats and whys of human action - and dialogue are your strong points. This I've noticed from reading your short stories too. Setting, less so, I think, though this isn't a criticism as such - the danger being that this affects pace... it can become relentless to tromp from head to head of these screwed up individuals and their conversations.

But, as I say, strong stuff and worth a shelf spot.

Good title and cover art; excellent and unusual short pitch. Long pitch is also very distinctive, though to end it saying that this is a 'wry post-feminist romance' is possibly not the best hook. Not to worry. I'm sufficiently intrigued to read on.

I'm now going to write an essay on your first line. You'd probably sooner I wrote a paragraph on the whole book, but can't be helped. I've been staring at that opening sentence for several minutes trying to work out what's wrong, and I've come up with a few ideas. First of all, the way you've worded it, the opening could have been written by a primary school kid. This impression is purely down to the speech tag. 'Paul wondered' is unnecessary. Okay, Paul has said "Why am I here?" rather than "I wonder why I am here" but the meaning is the same, so if you imagine the opening as '"I wonder why I am here," Paul wondered.' you'll see the problem. It's tautology. What are the alternatives? You could use a so-called 'invisible' speech tag. This would give you: '"Why am I here?" said Paul.' That's okay; not bad in fact, though the best solution, in my view, would be to drop the tag in its entirety. Just leave it as "Why am I here?" I'm assuming you didn't do this because you wanted to get Paul's name in as soon as possible, but you can slip it into the next paragraph easily enough. '... it was a question Paul mused over...' That gets your wondering in via the 'musing'.

Openings are notoriously difficult. Get the opening sentence wrong, and you've lost the reader.

I'll now cease my nitpicking and read some of the story. No I won't. Now then: this is something I'm not sure about. In the next bit of direct speech, you've written, "'scuze me mate." ie no capital letter because you're using an apostrophe for the missing 'E', but it looks wrong to me. I'd use a capital 'S' despite the apostrophe. I've no idea whether that is right or wrong, and don't have a reference book to check. Okay, I could Google it... no, that didn't work. Couldn't find the specific point. Not to worry. I'll assume you're correct.

Reading on...

Risky to start with what is effectively an info-dump, but it works. The stuff he tells Linda should possibly be 'shown' rather than 'told', but sometimes a great big lump of telling works fine. I think it does here. I like the description of the flat, and the end of the chapter is inspired.

I've read the next section as well. I think the balance is slightly off in this chapter: the section with the father and child is a little too long. Needs tightening. The awkward dialogue with Lenny works well. Sonia is perfectly ghastly. What the hell does Dave see in her? I do hope there are some sympathetic females somewhere in this book.

General impression: the writing is very fluent and comfortable and remarkably typo-free (apart from 'canvas', which needs one 's' not two). I get the impression the book has an unusual but probably very effective structure. It's one that I may well return to, so it's going on my watch list, despite the fact that I'm a totally rabid feminist. At least I'm one with a sense of humour ;-)

Thanks for the read.

I'm not a man... but I read it anyway, so there. I don't think you should limit your readership in that way, regardless. This is a hell of a read, and I read every word of it. (Er, well no, I didn't actually: I read everything except for chapter 27. Chapter 27 will not load, I tried for half an hour. You may need to fix something.)

I feel like I've been in a marathon. That was the hardest reading I've done in a long, long while. This book is a challenge, because it isn't a single book, it's several books at once. Fair enough. But then you also have the same names floating across the different books. How many Lennys? How many Sophias? How many sets of fathers and children named Tom and Katie? I wanted to scream. I'd never have been able to keep this all straight without the pitch to refer to, reminding me who was writing whom.

But I couldn't stop. The wedding-cake layers of the characters' self discovery kept pulling me in. Your book is such a tease; just as I'd get totally involved in someone - whap! No more of him! Now, a new man, a new issue to learn about. And then, there I'd be, falling in love with a new set of characters, and - whap! New guy! New insight to be amazed by... and you have such insight, such amazing insight.

Two little issues, and you are welcome to ignore them, because you are so vastly better at this than I am - I hardly feel qualified to even say a word. But: In Ch 4, I don't beleive a sink would fill to overflowing that quickly. I know it would take a lot longer for MY sink anyway. And in Ch 6, you say "too many levels" twice in the same paragraph, and then "all too often" twice in rapid succession right after that.

Beautiful writing. I've been avoiding you; I wish I hadn't.

I love the concept of this! Have watch-listed it...

From the beginning. I was particularly impressed with Daves view of Father and daughter, the love between a parent and child that is not constrained by dignity. The tramp and the univerasl humannes shared in a simple smile was stellar.Trying desperately to finish my own work but this is a piece worth returning to over and over again during breaks.

Hello there,
So I note that you don't like people being all nice about your work, and seeing as you've had lots of great comments, I should see if you're true to your word....
I did like it actually, so don't expect a mauling. I read through the first chapter and a few things did came to mind. The biggest mind pop being: he'll have to do something pretty bloody impressive to get away with this, writers writing about how hard it is to write is a hard one. If it goes well, great, but if not, then it's self-indulgence. I guess my second worry was, is this going to go down the men being done in by the world route? I liked the idea about men not getting to find themselves, and I agree that its no more fun to have a prescription as a man than a woman, but you could quickly fall into being bitter, and as a member of type lady, that would be annoying.
I liked your descriptions, it made me think of my own sweet bedsit and local.
Anyways, I suppose I'll annoy you with these comments when I have made them glibly after the first chapter, but I've always been of the opinion that one should open the mouth and let things fall out until someone stops you.
All the best,
Claire

You've captured the essence of some witers. Since we're all writers, we should know what spins round in their temples. You're giving us a good crack at it. Backed,

Stephan Zimmermann (panaxu)
NO RAPTURE

Chapter One+
Pete Marchetto

Hi Pete, The more I read, the more I wanted to read. The discussion with Linda expressed the emotional issues of writing besides which Paul is good at expressing the problems of the divorced father. How he sees his setting from the cemetery delves and becomes picturesque. The first line – I wonder if many writers ask that. What is their problem? It grabbed me, the sincere portrait and the stark problems of priority. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Your pitch drew me in and then your strong command of the English Language coupled with your descriptive writing style kept me reading. Your use of imagery is excellent, the dialogue is tight and authentic and your character development is solid, I especially like Paul, all make your finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. Backed

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Pete very original and had to think for a moment. But very interesting read and the characters are amazingly portrayed. Colourful with a very interesting use of dialogue which you are ease with. I have not read it all but have BACKED and then will put on my WL to continue. BEST of luck. Would you read some of my work non-fiction and that is what makes this site so interesting , the diversity. And if you would comment so I may grow as a writer I would be so happy.

Denise

Pete very original and had to think for a moment. But very interesting read and the characters are amazingly portrayed. Colourful with a very interesting use of dialogue which you are ease with. I have not read it all but have BACKED and then will put on my WL to continue. BEST of luck. Would you read some of my work non-fiction and that is what makes this site so interesting , the diversity. And if you would comment so I may grow as a writer I would be so happy.

Denise

Dear Pete, I love that Tom "will write more love stories" - I can hardly wait - the letter was impressive - glad you put it in. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

I am adding to my shef for it's origmality and depth. Great style and clever writing . You communicate well
Backed
The Lord of the dawn

CHAPTER ONE
I didn’t know what to expect from this book because your pitch is interesting – but also perplexing (at least it was for me). Fortunately, the book itself is much more straight forward. You have an enjoyable writing style; know how to quickly flesh out your characters. Your dialogue is equally good; always short and I love the Australian accent. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Ok, so this really got the old brain cells working. Totally lost with the change from Dave to Tom until I read your pitch again. Then I went, "Ah!" and carried on reading. There is not proper designation for nchick lit for blokes 'cos chap lit doesn't quite work. You observe very well and quickly involve your reader in the lives of your characters - so that works!
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown