Book Jacket

 

rank 1049
word count 22117
date submitted 29.05.2010
date updated 01.01.2011
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's, Young...
classification: universal
complete

The Power of the Pegalore. First of the DRAGONWORLD series

H. Hudson-Mills

A fantasy adventure novel. Experience the world of what might have been in this classic battle between Good and Evil.

 

Foreword:
Long, long ago, long before the ancestors of man walked upon this earth, lived the first creatures. There were many different tribes and species but they all lived together in peace and harmony until one terrible sun visit, when a shadow fell across the land. It was a grey mist that was the embodiment of all evil.
Chaos came to the earth as this Bad Magic poisoned the minds of the first creatures, causing them to hate any that were different from themselves. Great and terrible battles ensued and it seemed that these once benign and loving first creatures would be driven to extinction.
But it is an eternal truth that Good will always challenge Evil, wherever it is found, and a pink mist appeared, bringing with it the Good Magic. The war did not end immediately but an uneasy truce was eventually reached.
The carnage had been great, however, and all but two of all the races of first creatures were obliterated; the unicorns and the dragon tribes.

This book is being read to pupils '8 years old and upwards' at a large Primary School, with great success.
They keep asking for more!!

 
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tags

adventure, dragons, good v evil, mysticism, self discovery, unicorns

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116 comments

 

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Tari wrote 1300 days ago

This is enchanting. Like the way you anthromorphised Megas wringing his claws together - making him instantly human in his thoughts and actons. Clever writing.

The characters are so well-rounded with the reader being allowed into Kaylors' thoughts as well as those of Takra and Flygas.

There is so much texture here enriching the plot with the green and blue dragons. The latter being mystical like the unicorns. This makes for good contrast and explanations for past and perhaps future conflict.

There is such depth here as there are echoes of exitentialist philosophy where meaning comes to the fore as the unicorns search for a place to call their own, a chance of happiness and meaning in their lives. There are also the contrasts in the philosphy of rationality and experience. i.e. mysticism for the unicorns and blue dragons and the pragmatism of Megas the green dragon.

Then for further depth we have the territorial black dragons. Excellent writing. This is not just a children's fantasy adventure story it also has meaning and depth as well.

The plot is deep and makes for exciting reading. You have colourful well-rounded character absorbing the reader.

The untimely birth of the silver dragonette was exciting holding the attention of the reader, as mysticism, and pragmatism meet when Takra the mystical unicorn saves the life of Kaylor, beloved of Megas the pragmatic dragon.

The tension rises throughout this chapter ending with a resolution. Maybe a little hook (dilemna or question) at the very end just to to to make the reader curious and turn rapidly to the next chapter.

This is bound to be a winner witrh childrena and adults alike.

I thought your opening paragraphs were superb, introducing one of the main characters and the background to the story and hint of future conflict. So, I do not agree with a suggestion given earlier to you, that it is not a good idea to start with dialogue. Many best sellers do so and also us interior thoughts or dialogue, which is precisely what you have done. This is informed writing.



Already backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

zan wrote 1407 days ago

The Power of the Pegalore. First of the DRAGONWORLD series
H. Hudson-Mills

I'm partial to stories/films based on this classic battle between Good and Evil. I suspect children are also similarly drawn to it, after all, most of the classic fairytales treat it. I am really enjoying this fantasy world of yours. Your writing is very strong and it has a lovely eloquence to it which makes reading a pleasure. "And with that, Takra glided, in the most stately way he could manage, out of the palace and back into the coolness of the forest." I would love to be able to glide into acool forest right now - about 30 degrees Celsius here and this computer on my lap is not helping! I'll setle down to enjoy some more of this when I make a little more free time. For now happy to back it.

carlashmore wrote 1413 days ago

Hi. Now, much as i enjoyed your pitch, I would like you to consider including more information regarding story and characters. What you give us is a context for the world you are writing about, but little as to where your narrative will go or indeed the characters that will populate your story. After reading your first three chapters, I was absoltutely entranced by the world you have created. It is your gorgeous imagery that I particularly enjoyed. Your characters (Flygas, in particular) are wonderfully realised and lines like 'sun and moon would travel with him wherever he went' are just wonderfully rich and relaxing. You write with a lovely fluid combining dialogue and descriptions well. I am delighted to enter this world and wish you all the success in the world with this. Please, consider looking at your pitch though.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Kendall Craig wrote 1385 days ago

I enjoyed the foreward which you have used as your pitch as it set the mood for the fantasy world I found quite easy to imagine in my mind. As a teacher often looking at books to inspire and interest readers9+, I found much here which was commendable. The dialogue was interlaced with a delicate balance of description and information about the dragons and unicorns and the split perspectives of each roused yet more interest and curiosity which I am sure would keep young minds stimulated.
Whilst in no way childish, the text was easily accessible to children as the tone and voice conveyed by you as the author was perfect for this audience.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

Sharahzade wrote 1294 days ago

THE POWER OF THE PEGALORE
H. Hudson-Mills

This enchanted world is so well defined here that I was drifting along with the characters, watching, breathing in the fragrances, tasting the delicious foods of nature and becoming one with this amazing story. If you are truly writing for children, then I am a child once more delighting in every word.

I am reminded of the beloved classic tales of Brian Jacques' Redwall stories and I can see how you could create an entire series of your wonderful tales as he did. Your discriptions of the luscious foods they prepared just makes the mind delight in the warmth of the gatherings of the characters. I am very invested in your work at this point. I have read all five postings and would really love to read more should you continue to share with us here.

I am eagerly backing you for I feel this is a story with great promise and I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

M. A. McRae. wrote 1155 days ago

This is a delightful tale, well told and polished. (I saw not a single error to moan about.)
I especially liked the dragon courtship paragraph - herbs on shiny scales and the 'tail-wailing.'
Sometimes, just changing a common word gives an other-world, magical feeling to a story - instead of 'day' you have used 'sun visit.'
Very well done and to be backed. Marj.

karenrosario wrote 1173 days ago

Hi Hudson, I couldn't resist having a little read tonight although I haven't had time to get very far. You are very good at conjuring up images and also good at creating characters out of the different creatures- I thought I would notice a distinct lack of human protagonists but your characters have such strong personalities that this isn't felt as a loss. I love the description of green dragons as 'practical' and 'logical' and also the detail about the painful spiral on the unicorns. How wonderful that you are able to read this to a captive audience! I am sure their feedback will be more useful than that from anyone on this site as they are your actual target audience!
The only thing I was wondering is whether your pitch ought to focus on a character at all? I would have liked to have been drawn in by the plight of a particular character, rather than the general plight of good vs evil. Maybe something to consider, but the story itself is strong.
Karen

Pia wrote 1188 days ago

H -

The Power of the Pegalore - A vivid and enchanting world of dragons in which unicorns are not well tolerated. What a striking image ... the meadow in the distance gradually lost its green, as more and more white unicorns descended upon it like a blanket of fresh snow ... 'They are a curse upon this land,' muttered old Megas to himself ... But when Takra, the old unicorn, saves Megas's partner Kylor by coaxing her tiny, silver dragonette into birthing, Megas has reason to be grateful. Characters enter the scene at a good pacing. Children will love this story. Back to refresh an earlier comment and upt the rating. On my WL again :) Pia

Nanty wrote 1202 days ago

The Power of the Pegalore - Megas the dragon has many concerns, which are exhibited by behaviour easily identified with that of humans. Unicorns, in his mind, are a curse! He's worried about losing territory to them. These are nice twists here that will lead a young reader into the book. Add to Megas' problems the fact that Kaylor, his not-so-young dragonette, ready to lay her long awaited egg, is experiencing difficulties and its delivery doesn't go as it should despite the ministrations of the, Old One. The birth of the baby's birth is very well done and the chapter ends with a good hook, the Old One, has thought-passed to Takra, he should be present at the birth. In chapter two the author expands on the, Old One's relationship with Takra. They are secretly working together to bring harmony between the species back into the world.
It is interesting to see the different colours dragon-kind have together with traits associated with them that make theirs a fractured society, whilst the Unicorns appear to have suffered none of these problems despite residing in small groups in so many different places.
Lots of lovely ideas in this book that will keep young readers entranced by the story that is unfolding.

Nanty - Chrys!

Marie DuGar Bell wrote 1223 days ago

I've completed your first chapter. I found it to be a wonderful entertaining, Sunday read. You have a very creative imagination and the ability to place it into the written word. Thanks so very much for giving us this wonderful gift. May you find success and happiness with each new day. I'm backing you with gratefulness. Sincerely. Marie - 'Sun Shine and Rain'

Rhonda Langley wrote 1240 days ago

I like the fact that the book is being read at an elementary school. I'm a teacher, and I read my books to my students-- a captive audience, but it's good for them to see adults enjoying writing!

--Rhonda Langley
The Kepler Chronicles

H Smith wrote 1240 days ago

Should be published already!

Jack Hughes wrote 1240 days ago

I don't think this is a story simply for younger readers, this is one for anyone who appreciates good storytelling. The real art of fantasy writing is making the imagined come to life and this book does that perfectly. The level of detail is unsurpassed, you really pay attention to the refinements in character, setting and ambience and it brings the whole narrative to life. Magical, enchanting and a joy to read, best of luck.

Backed with pleasure.

Jack.

brianclayson wrote 1242 days ago

Out of this world

stephen racket wrote 1242 days ago

Although I consider this to be an over-populated genre, I thought this was original and fresh. The characters come alive with the writing and the vivid descriptions make for a most enjoyable read. My ten year old nephew would love this. Backed with pleasure.

Kaimaparamban wrote 1245 days ago

Great!!! I saw a rare subject in your novel. You are handling a subject, which start from the birth of men in the earth. And you lead reader to various stages of time and changing of human race, especially their mind.***rated

A. Zoomer wrote 1246 days ago

THE POWER OF PEGALORE

Dear H. Hudson-Mills,
What a power it is that tells a story so compelling. At first I had some stumbling over the chapter heading now I am converted. I'd like to see how the table of contents tells the story in poem form.
This is great writing and it is fabulous you are using a focus group to guide you.
I have nothing but stars to give you.
And when the story finishes I want to see it published.
A Zoomer

CarolinaAl wrote 1250 days ago

I read your first chapter. I will post my general comments here and message you my specific comments.

General comments: An enticing start to what appears to be a clever story. Empathetic main characters. Good world building. Vivid descriptions. Good tension. Good twists.

fh wrote 1257 days ago

THE POWER OF THE PEGALORE
I read this earlier today when I was still fresh. An enchanting tale full of dragons and the magical, mystical unicorn - a fabulous beast.
This is not just a child's fantasy , there is much depth to the whole story. Colour and taste can be almost felt. You are a fantastic storyteller this took me right back to my own childhood. Excellent and very well done. Easy to back and I sincerely hope you do well with this.
Best Wishes
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Jonathan King wrote 1257 days ago

As I like Pratchett's fantasy I thought I'd try another author's fantasy complete with the wonderful unicorns and dragons. A good read - felt it could do with some editing in places to make it sharper and tighter. But overall it has all the good things that make for a good fantasy novel.

Gretchen Smith wrote 1257 days ago

Enchanting book for the little ones. I don't know why I read this -title maybe. Enjoyed it anyway!

Susannah Langrishe wrote 1257 days ago

My nieces would like this. Magic!

Albert Billett wrote 1258 days ago

Books that include unicorns and dragons are always on top of my shopping list when I but books for my youngest grandchildren. I was brought up on the classics and I have never forgotten unwrapping a coveted book on Christmas Day. Oh what joy! This is another such book that I would buy . Super story and weel written. Backed.

Colin Normanshaw wrote 1273 days ago

Delightfully told with excellent characterisation and dialogue. Good scene descriptions too, with a nice pace. I can see why the 8+ year olds are enjoying this. Backed with pleasure. Colin

abi232323 wrote 1273 days ago

Read the pitch, I will definately be reading the book! The writing style really drew me in giving me a real feel for the world you've created. Well done and good luck.
Backed with pleasure.
Abi.

Richard J. Dean Jr. wrote 1274 days ago

Thank you for accepting my offer to trade reads. I don't mind if it takes you a few days to get back. I am thankful for all reply's, late or not. Meanwhile, I have time, so here I am! I enjoyed your story a lot! I love stories of magic and dragons and such (this is why I write fantasy!). I love your use of unusual names (like Takra and Megas). I love originality! Your dialogue is well written and reads smoothly. You do well meshing it with the story without loosing the reader or disrupting the scenes themselves. Nicely done. Hopefully you will enjoy my novel as much as I have yours! I look forward to your comments!
Backed
~Richard
Twin Fates

eurodan49 wrote 1274 days ago

Children’s fantasy is not something I read in many, many yrs.
Looked at your pitch and got this itch to turn a few pages.
Well, you do a good narration, with plenty “showing” not just “telling.”
The dialogue sounds real (though more of it would move the story forward even more).
Most of all, your voice sounds convincing enough…and that’s a big plus.
I also can feel the tension, and young readers should love that.
Good job…Hope you find representation.
Dan
PS. Could you pls check mine?,,,Comment/backing will be appreciated.

SRFire wrote 1277 days ago

The Power of the Pegalore.

I think this should be enjoyed by children and adults alike. I loved the description of the spiral. I wish your book every success. Sana x

J.S.Watts wrote 1278 days ago

A lovely story for children. One little nit, if I may? At the beginning of chapter 1, I was surprised when the sentence describing the Emerald Valley as being populated by green dragons (in the past tense) went on to describe them in the present tense. Then a new sentence compared them to blue dragons in the present tense and then the story returned to Megas in the past tense.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Eunice Attwood wrote 1281 days ago

Your pitch alone shows what a fantastic story teller you are. It has a magnetic appeal, and if I held the book in my hand, I would not want to put it down. An enchanting tale, with wonderfully magic characters.Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Gefordson wrote 1281 days ago

Good, clean storytelling that connects the reader immediately with the characters and the situation. It reminded me more of Daviid Eddings (and his wife) than Anne MacCaffrey. The one thing I would say, and this is only a personal preference, it could be a bit tighter. Other than that you've certainly come at the dragon world genre from a different angle.
Good Luck.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Johanna Kern wrote 1284 days ago

Not only very well written, but also very well designed story where black, green, blue dragons and unicorns live in a world so different and yet so similar to humans' reality.

Excellent story!

You have created a truly beautiful world, into which one can dive and forget one's own worries. This is a vast project, from what I see, and I hope it will get the attention it deserves.

Complements on your talent, persistence, wonderful imagination, sharp mind and vision that is certainly huge.

I would back it again, if that were possible :)

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Neville wrote 1293 days ago

A facinating book filled with the mysticism and fantasy we all love as a child.
I truly enjoyed this read, great characters with names that are held in the mind.
You have a lovely style of writing, warm and cosy to the reader, nothing heavy.
I felt I was there, among the grasslands and forest, felt the Sun on my back.
Will remember your story thats for sure.
Just two small points to make......He had had.....(may be better with 'He'd had' ) found it twice.
Also a slip on the keyboard...t0he...I think ch. 4
Such a lovely book. Backed.
SHELVED.

Kind regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - Series)

Sharahzade wrote 1294 days ago

THE POWER OF THE PEGALORE
H. Hudson-Mills

This enchanted world is so well defined here that I was drifting along with the characters, watching, breathing in the fragrances, tasting the delicious foods of nature and becoming one with this amazing story. If you are truly writing for children, then I am a child once more delighting in every word.

I am reminded of the beloved classic tales of Brian Jacques' Redwall stories and I can see how you could create an entire series of your wonderful tales as he did. Your discriptions of the luscious foods they prepared just makes the mind delight in the warmth of the gatherings of the characters. I am very invested in your work at this point. I have read all five postings and would really love to read more should you continue to share with us here.

I am eagerly backing you for I feel this is a story with great promise and I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1295 days ago

Very suitable for your target reader...there's something rather traditional in the way you approach the style and tenor of your narrative which I think has more to do with your background than anything else. It's quite rare it seems nowadays and literature is the poorer for its conspicuous absence! This is refreshing and a delight to read. As a teacher, I suppose I have to have something to grumble about but it's not serious. There are moments where I feel you could trim your text further, making it more precise and direct. I also think the episode involving Megas and the black unicorn would have been better told through dialogue and afforded you the opportunity to infuse a little more humour...boring old fart that I am!
Best wishes
Stewart

Suzalex wrote 1296 days ago

Wonderful story telling. Love it.

Suz

Louise Galvin wrote 1296 days ago

This is witty and charming and has a hint of that Jackanory authority to its voice… you know what I mean? That kindly informative tone that makes you sit back a little further in your chair, knowing that you are going to be told a proper Story. I heard it first at the blue dragons. This needs to be read aloud by Tom Baker or Spike Milligan or Brian Blessed. Oh, to again be seven and so indulged!

andrew skaife wrote 1298 days ago

There is not much I can add in the way of fresh advice but I enjoyed the writing so...

BACKED

Tari wrote 1300 days ago

This is enchanting. Like the way you anthromorphised Megas wringing his claws together - making him instantly human in his thoughts and actons. Clever writing.

The characters are so well-rounded with the reader being allowed into Kaylors' thoughts as well as those of Takra and Flygas.

There is so much texture here enriching the plot with the green and blue dragons. The latter being mystical like the unicorns. This makes for good contrast and explanations for past and perhaps future conflict.

There is such depth here as there are echoes of exitentialist philosophy where meaning comes to the fore as the unicorns search for a place to call their own, a chance of happiness and meaning in their lives. There are also the contrasts in the philosphy of rationality and experience. i.e. mysticism for the unicorns and blue dragons and the pragmatism of Megas the green dragon.

Then for further depth we have the territorial black dragons. Excellent writing. This is not just a children's fantasy adventure story it also has meaning and depth as well.

The plot is deep and makes for exciting reading. You have colourful well-rounded character absorbing the reader.

The untimely birth of the silver dragonette was exciting holding the attention of the reader, as mysticism, and pragmatism meet when Takra the mystical unicorn saves the life of Kaylor, beloved of Megas the pragmatic dragon.

The tension rises throughout this chapter ending with a resolution. Maybe a little hook (dilemna or question) at the very end just to to to make the reader curious and turn rapidly to the next chapter.

This is bound to be a winner witrh childrena and adults alike.

I thought your opening paragraphs were superb, introducing one of the main characters and the background to the story and hint of future conflict. So, I do not agree with a suggestion given earlier to you, that it is not a good idea to start with dialogue. Many best sellers do so and also us interior thoughts or dialogue, which is precisely what you have done. This is informed writing.



Already backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

Sarah King wrote 1301 days ago

Hi Hudson,

I am no expert in children's literature, but this seems very well written to me. I read the first two chapters to my 6 and 8 year old nephews and they sat and listened and enjoyed it, so there's no better judge than them! It's hard to keep their attention sometimes! It is a lovely tale. I used to love unicorn stories as a child. I love horses now and so found your story interesting to read. My nephews were more interested in the dragonette though! Sarah

alison woodward wrote 1303 days ago

its a lovely read, backed

alison

Lulubanks wrote 1318 days ago

It's not a good idea to open a book with dialogue, you seem to have pulled it off...the further I read, the more your fine prose, rounded characters and vivid scenes and story drew me in...Mega is adorable...

kategrimes050 wrote 1320 days ago

This is a super story for kids! And I must admit, I've enjoyed it very much too. I used to live in Leeds, many years ago but have been in Doncaster for the last 30 years or so. Nice to find a fellow South Yorkie who likes writing, even if you've 'moved over' a bit. I hope you liked Lizzie. It's my first effort at writing a young adult/adults book. Have backed it and on watch list. Good luck

John Warren-Anderson wrote 1320 days ago

A story that the kids will eat up.

nsllee wrote 1321 days ago

Hi H.

Dragons v unicorns - I haven't seen that before. The world ia well-realised and the birth of the unusual dragonette is a promising plot driver. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Lynne wrote 1321 days ago

Simply magical, from the very first line when "Kaylor expects her first egg". You have a wonderful imagination and the skill to put it into words. A world of fantasy and adventure which will appeal to all ages, I am sure. Backed with pleasure. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

tisseurdecontes wrote 1323 days ago

You have written an enchanting tale for young and old alike. Unicorns and dragons are both creatures that captivate the minds of fantasy lovers.

backed

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

MickR wrote 1330 days ago

I don't know this genre but the prose goves me a real 'Once upon a time...' feel to it.
I'm sure it will be a hit with the kids.
Godd luck,
MickR - The Nightcrawler

Summer D'Vine wrote 1330 days ago

The Power of Pegalore - This story reminds me of one of my favorite children's author, Cornelia Funke. Your vivid imagery and fast-paced storytelling here will surely entice readers young and old alike. Gladly already backed.

Best of luck to you!
:-)Summer D'Vine, Women of the Trees

Pia wrote 1333 days ago

H -

The Power of the Pegalore - A vivid and enchanting world of dragons in which unicorns are not well tolerated. What a striking image ... the meadow in the distance gradually lost its green, as more and more white unicorns descended upon it like a blanket of fresh snow ... 'They are a curse upon this land,' muttered old Megas to himself ... But when Takra, the old unicorn, saves Megas's partner Kylor by coaxing her tiny, silver dragonette into birthing, Megas has reason to be grateful. Characters enter the scene at a good pacing. Children will love this story.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Freeman wrote 1337 days ago

This is a great story for children. The dragons are adorable. I will back it with pleasure.

Tony
Life Bringer

Becca wrote 1338 days ago

Ooo! I really love the style to this one! Also, as a child I ADORED unicorns and novels where Unicorns were real. It's the perfect classic fairytale element, and I really like that you have incorporated that in this novel.
Very interesting reading this from the dragon's POV also. And your way of describing the action painted a very vivid picture in my mind. I love the conflict over what the dragons are focused on. Kaylor on her first egg and Megas on the unicorns. It creates a nice conflict at the start without trying to hard. (I'm getting a bit exhausted of novels starting mid sword fight!)
Ah, VERY clever reason for why Megas doesn't like Unicorns!! And also gives us an idea of how unicorns are magical in the world of your story. More great details, such as that age affecs the appearance of the Unicorn's horn.
You really had me gripped by the end when someting clearly went wrong with Kaylors egg! So interesting that she ends up birthing like a Unicorn. What conflict! I wonder what that will mean for the "child".

I really enjoyed what I read of this submission. I think your target audience will be completely enthralled!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Eunice Attwood wrote 1338 days ago

I have a penchant for unicorns so was delighted by your tale. You have created such wonderful imagery which catapults the imagination into overdrive. Well done. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

cat5149 wrote 1342 days ago

You have a very good imagination. This is beautifully written and the characters are fully developed. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

Bill Carrigan wrote 1343 days ago

Dear H, I've read three chapters of "The Power of the Pegalore" and will gladly back it. I hope you will read "The Doctor of Summitville," a realistic love story set in an American country town during the Great Depression. Best wishes, Bill Carrigan

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