Crown of Thorns

Hi Emily,

I just enjoyed reading the first three chapters of your well-researched book 'The Crown of Thorns.'

The opening is dramatic with Henry Tudor, victorious following the Battle of Bosworth, claiming the English crown as the dead corpse of King Richard III is strapped onto a packhorse.

I liked the way the first chapter, set in Sheriff Hutton Castle, is told in the first person and from Elizabeth Plantagenet's viewpoint.

The relationship between her and her mother does not appear to be an easy one.

It comes as a revelation to Elizabeth to discover her mother, with her abilities for foreseeing the future, predicts Henry Tudor to be the victor over King Richard at Bosworth, whom Elizabeth has loved as a father and hoped to marry.

Elizabeth's feelings of powerlessness come across very well in this scene, especially with her refusal to change her gown to receive the victor.

A stifled ambiance has been created with Elizabeth reluctance to quit the safe sanctuary of Sheriff Hutton Castle, their home during the turbulent years of warfare.

The next chapter is set during King Henry VI's coronation, and states his determination to marry Elizabeth in order to untie the two conflicting Houses together and so bring to an end to the wars and stability to England.

Henry's mistrust of Elizabeth's father, Thomas Stanley, is understandable as he swapped sides during the war.

Chapter three is again focused on Elizabeth, and she confesses her fondness for Henry's friend, John Welles, rather than Henry, and I liked the way, because of her churned up emotions, she almost faints when presented to Henry.

The background created is authentic to the times.

An action packed beginning to a quickly paced story of Henry VI and his consort, Elizabeth.

I look forward to reading more.

High stars.

Carol Jefferies
(The Witch of Fleet Street)

very interesting, worth backing which I have done.
You might like to have a look at mine, Penrose - Princess of Penrith.
Best wishes,
John.

read chapter eight. Nice fluid pictorial prose and great subject matter.

What a wonderfully, imaginative story of a truly interesting historic union. You bring the period alive. This is just the kind of book I devour. I read all your upload and was so disappointed when it came to an end, I hope there's more to follow soon :)

I love your writing!

As a history addict, I have to tell you that I love this book. I can't get enough of the Plantagenets and the Tudors, and you conveyed the emotions down so well that the characters become real. Well done!

Hello, Emily,

This is so wonderfully written! I've gotten through chapter 8, and wow, it's splendid! It is quite clear that you obviously have a deep love of this time period and of this story, your writing demonstrates that effectively. I do like how you focus strongly on color and how the people wear them. Color stands so strongly in my mind as I read, and I see that as a great important quality of your story. Colors, items of luxury and heraldry, are so important in a time period when much was mud, and stone, dull earth tones for the majority of people living in England during your time period.

Jumping from different character's view point is also a great way to display your story. First person is limiting, but going through with different character's personal POV's helps to get your plot further and thickened!

Excellent, an enjoyable read!! I'll read more the next time I'm on!

Sarah T :)
"Beneath the Stars of Salem"

Cool!

;)

Saw this in the forum recommended by Wezzle and I'm glad I did. I think your style is great, easy to read without being in the least anachronistic. The dialogue seems natural without being wrong for the period. Very likeable characters too, and the love hate relationship is getting going nicely. I am glad Richard isn't vilified too. We are quite pro him in this part of the world! You obviously know a lot about the period and have done your research but it hasn't made your style heavy.
I'm not very good at crit. I'm araid as I got interested in the story but nothing jarred as far as I could tell.
Great stuff.

All those kings and queens of way back when; they were human beings just like us. They had hopes and dreams and fears. They had ambition in their hearts and lust in their loins. This is what Emily conveys so well in her writing. She takes these fusty medieval portraits down from the wall and breaths life and humanity into them and that is what good historical fiction is all about. Great stuff - on my shelf in good company!

Having recently finished Philippa Gregory's "The White Queen", I really am enjoying this. Fills in where Gregory leaves off. Fascinating reading and well done.

Betty K "The Merchant's Dilemma"

It looks like you've put a huge amount of work into this, including research and a lot of personal enthusiasm. You're right, it's time to go back through and do some line editing. I just looked at the first couple short chapters and found some. I've listed my recommended fixes:
(cut: In) 1985 (insert: marked) (cut: it was the) 500th anniversary
but (cut: that is)(insert: those are) the perks
chapter 2
the sun beat down (cut: unashamed. Didn't make any sense to me)
Earl of Richmond (cut: ,and) placed the crown of England on his son-in-law's head (insert: and helped him to his feet.)(that'll make the imagery that follows smoother.)
cried Stanley (insert: period) (cut: as he) He knelt before (insert: his new King.) A great cheer rose up...
I expect there'll be a lot of similar fixes needed, but I'm sure you can handle it! You got the hardest part done -- getting the story down on paper. Now's the mop up stage.
Best of luck!
If you like kids' lit, I hope you'll come take a look at the Lost Wink,
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

CROWN OF THORNS
What a fun book to read. You’ve taken whom I think of as stuffy historical characters and made them come to life as people in front of my eyes. Henry is a good character because of the way he isn’t all that happy to be King. Living in a palace, having total control: who would have thought? Elizabeth is both likable and sympathetic because her future is so ordained she could be walking into a horrible situation. If I had a suggestion, it would be to begin chapters with a label “Elizabeth” or “Henry” so a reader knows who is talking. I say that because I thought Elizabeth was narrating chapter 4 and was confused why she was being crowned before I realized the narrator was now Henry. Either way, this is a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I really enjoyed your book. You have a creative style to your writing. Your words are perfect to the period of time you are writing for.
Things flow along at a good pace.
Of course I didn't care of the sex conduct in the one chapter, but otherwise I enjoyed what you wrote in your book.
It is creative and well thought out.
A few spelling errors, but all else is well.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Millie

What a romping read. Not sentimental, but amusing, fun, with a light, elegant touch. What a treat.

BE SURE TO STAR RATE 'CROWN OF THORNS', okay peeps? Such a great read!!! ;)

This is my kind of read and I have been enjoying it tremendously, Emily. Your writing is so fluid, I can see everything in my head so clearly as if the scenes are playing out like on a TV screen. I only comment on story and you have a wonderful take on this era with just the right amount of 'reality' to surpass the talented Ms Gregory .. believe me I know, I have read most of her books :)

This will be on my shelf soon.

Michelle

Happy to back your work! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck.
Sue50

Dear Millie

I have read the first eleven chapters of "Crown of Thorns" and it is only shortage of time that stops me from reading all that you have uploaded. I may come back and read the rest, because I would certainly like to!

You have written a very likeable book with an immediacy about it that speaks for the time you have taken with your research and your writing. You make it look easy, but I know, that writing this smooth takes time to get right.

If I have one suggestion, it is that occasionally the number of commas and semi-colons you interject can be confusing. Plain, old fashioned full stops work just as well. :-))

All the best with this. Top stars and on my WL.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Not usually something I would read but your pitch really grabbed me and you write with great authority, bringing this era alive .. you have certainly captured my imagination.

Hi Emily
Just read the first two chapters and was instantly drawn into the vivid world you create. Great writing. On my shelf.
Sheila

Your fresh, young style of writing creates an extremely accessible historical novel.
I haven't read as much as I'd like, but the first few chapters are certainly impressive.

Backed with best wishes.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Backed before and backed again - a fab book. Go girl go!

I have read "The White Queen" about Elizabeth Woodville, and have just finished reading "The Red Queen" about Margaret Beaufort, both Philippa Gregory books. I thought that finally, the Lancastrians/Tudors seam of literature must be exhausted...but clearly, I was wrong. That this book is a labour of love is obvious from the time taken to so lovingly describe the circumstances of the story, as well as the period detail that leaps from every page. The descriptive passages are second to none. Occasionally, when attributing thoughts to Henry, for example, there is a self consciousness which seems a bit out of place, but in a work of this scale, that is a very minor quibble which editing would easily sort out. The research and time invested have paid rich dividends in a story that will delight and enthral readers. Question is, will it be for sale soon? Six stars and on my WL. All the best, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped".

Hey Millie

So excited about reading this, I love all things Tudor and have so many books on the subject.

Really enjoyed this. Both Henry and Elizabeth are thoroughly convincing. The narrative and dialogue is spot on for the time period. I did spot a typo in chapter 4 – goboet instead of goblet – but otherwise this was pretty much flawless. The chapters were the perfect length and I love the switches between Henry and Elizabeth. Is it as good as the likes of Phillipa Gregory? Yes I’d say it is.

Six well deserved stars and a backing as soon as I can.

Silva

I really wish I didn’t like this as much as I do. I’ve gotten nothing done all morning and I was late to pick my son up from school because I was so into the story I forgot the time. Wow, is all I can say. I honestly can’t find a fault here.
Elizabeth is amazing. She’s so vivid I feel as though I know her as a real person. Even now that I’ve stopped reading she’s still in my head.
I usually don’t like a prologue but yours got me so excited I was trying to read extra fast so I could get into the story as soon as possible.
If I had to pick a nit-pick, and only if I was really petty, I would maybe take a look at comma usage. I stumbled on the odd occasion. Then again, I’m the worst in the world with comma problems in my own books so I really can’t talk.
Can’t wait to put this on my shelf and leave it there.
Janny :)

Emily, this is beautiful writing! I realize now, I backed your book 236 days ago. How time flies!
Six stars for now. Very best Regards, Jed Oliver (French Roast and Lingerie)

Hello Emily, giving your work another look. Will happily shelf soon. :-)

blessings,
jim

Hi Emily,

I've read a few chapters of your book and am loving it! The story is intriguing and the characters rich and individual. Elizabeth is a wonderful protagonist, someone I feel for and am eager to watch through this story.

I did notice a few instances where there a few too many commas, perhaps some long sentences could be made into two shorter ones? Also, in the second last sentence, a semi colon might help it flow a little better. For example;
But, I promised myself, the game was not won; this pawn could yet become Queen and dictate the rules of engagement.

All in all, I am loving this. You have my full backing and 6 stars. Great writing!

- Charlotte Elise.

Emily,
I just read to Ch3 but I know polished writing when I see it. This is a testament to the time you have spent on it. Well done. I enjoyed researching the earlier period around the time Of Eleanor and Henry, for my second attempt at a novel. It is surprising how so much early history is interpretation and how easily events can be viewed differently when an alternate emphasis is applied to a historical record. Imagining the real human motivations behind old history is great fun. I'll keep your book on my W/L and if Luminous Dark makes it this month put you on my shelf in it's place. Good writing should be rewarded.
Cheers Norton

I have read and backed this before and am happy to do it again as its worthy.

Sue
(Grace) (Knowing Liam Riley)

I love the first line of C3 and the rest follow on perfectly encouraging the scene/s to develop around me... almost virtual ...

You know how much I like your writing so I won't go on. This is better ... if that's possible. :)

Michael xx

I backed this work before. Backing it again.

This is good stuff, you have a talent for using your research wisely. You milked it for all the vivid details possible. I'll back this in the future :}.

Hi Emily,

I stumbled upon this book and I'm very glad of it! I have only had time to read the first couple of chapters, but you've already drawn me in with your style and the setting. (I will admit, I have a love for the period you've chosen, too!)
I've added Crown of Thorns to my watchlist and will definitely be back!

- Charlotte Elise.

Hi Emily,

If there is anything I love reading as much as fantasy, it's historical fiction. Margaret George is one of my favourites, and your work reminded me of hers a little bit.
The prologue gripped me, and was extremely well written.
The first chapter further pulled me in, I immediately fell in love with Elizabeth. I find it difficult to read a story if I do not sympathise with the characters. Her mother was an interesting character.
I appreciate how much research has most likely gone into this. I shall read on further and I wish you the best of luck.

Kindest Regards

Luciana House
'Burning Angel'

Hello, I've just been reading chapters 8 and 9 of your book and the book and your style is really beginning to take shape , combined with a sense of the 16th century world , I liked the part about the barges on the edge of the river and people lounging in them in the evening sun , I think it would have been great to really have developed that part. The idea of a Chess game , of course, can't fail as it so easy to link it symbolically with courtship or anything else ,like the Knight and Death playing Chess on the beach in the Seventh Seal. It was a brilliant idea to include that.Its also very important , for dramatic reasons , to maintain hostility between the two characters and even to link it to the opposing factions in the Wars of the Roses. I think your descriptions are very good and contain some excellent phrases such as 'Time enough for unpalatable truth.' However , (grit those teeth again ) , in my opinion the area you need to work on is the dialogue , which is always the most difficult thing to get right and is full of pitfalls, which are sometimes not possible for the author themselves to pick up. I am always conscious of this myself , to the extent of neurosis at times , in relation to my own dialogue. The aborted courtship scene is good and believable , but the use of phrases such as 'Give yourself to me ,'while clearly implicit in the action ,does not sound like something a person would say ,you can make this implicit by the look in the man's eye or the ardour of his touch , I think references to manhood are fine ,because obviously people like that sort of thing, my own personal preference is to be more euphemistic , while at the same time leaving no doubt at all what is going on - but I think that is a personal thing.But love dialogue is a minefield, its been done so often and is so difficult to get right and ,of course, it also linked to personal taste - on the other hand I think it would be great if you could look at your dialogue and assess whether it is likely somebody would , in reality , somebody would say it. I hope I haven't sowed enmity and resentment in your heart ,because sometimes that's how people react , but I think overall its going extremely well.Do you like poetry?I thought you might be interested in a long -forgotten masterpiece , recently discovered, by William Butler Yeats; the title is 'A Flock of Herrings ' So I shall arise and go/And see to my delight/ a flock of herrings/Passing close/On the dusty road to/Dundalk/It was then I realised/The sheer quantities of Drink/Which were passing my lips/On a daily basis/Delirium Tremens had struck/On the dusty road to Dundalk/No more would I say to the Barman/'A gallon of poteen and six bottles of your finest Guiness/And will you be after having a couple of gallons,yourself?'/ I might have added, all the best , Rod

Emily,
I found "Crown of Thorns" impeccably done from beginning to as far as I could read. Your use of two different POV's between Richard and Elizabeth create a dynamic that carry the story along as a raft on a torrent. Your wordcraft is polished, conjuring up vivid scenes and pithy dialogue, the powerful sexual tension palpable in its containment. What more can I say? Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Good Morning Kit , I hope you are getting better, just to tell you I'm up to chapter 7 of your book and I really think it is developing very nicely , the commentary is dense and fully rounded ,allowing space for reflection and description - a lot of people don't do this .Elizabeth's realisation of her feelings for Henry was very sweet and touching , though for the sake of dramatic tension I think its always better to draw these things out ,so that the final surrender is so much more satisfactory , after the reader has been put on the rack. You really seem to have been quite successful with this book - 87 bookshelves! - amazing , I'm very envious.If I could close with one or two criticisms , which I hope might be helpful ('Alright,' she replied through gritted teeth.)The use of the word 'fallacy' in relation to 'court', don't you mean parody?.Sometimes the dialogue is slightly unconvincing e.g. when Elizabeth says about Henry 'Is the King fatally wounded?' rather than e.g. 'Is it......?' or 'Is it bad?' Will read more of your book very soon , I'm just going off to research Elizabeth Woodville about who I know very little, sit back , relax , breathe deeply and before you know it that back of yours will be as good as new, all the best , Rod Gordon

CROWN OF THORNS
Emily Cameron

You have given us readers delightful tension between Henry and Elizabeth. The sparks whip between them like lightning. There has always been an air of danger for anyone associated with the temperment of the illustrous kings of those times. This is so electric it really sizzles with the relationship that is taking place in these first 17 chapters. I am eager to read more to learn where you are taking poor Old Henry for I feel he has met his match in Bess.

This is an enjoyable read. The history is paced nicely and woven into the story so as to be a need to know bit as pertains to the events that are happening on a more personal level with your characters. I really admire the care you have taken with that and the effect is brilliant.

You have my backing and as many stars as I have in my possession.

Cheers and best of luck with this beautiful novel.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

And another thing!........its on my watchlist,Strachan

An interesting scenario,I love everything to do with things foretold and precognition(do you know the Saga of Burnt Njal,in Iceland a man is told in youth he will be burnt to death and guess what happens.. when he hits middle age.....?).Its also interesting that the the girl laments Richard and doesn't like Henry,are you a Ricardian by any chance?The idea of trying to evade ones fate is of course the stuff of novels.Clear,well-written the reader is clear about what is happening(this is not always the case),Im sure there is a big market for this.I wonder if you would be so kind as to take a look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer',which is an historical,adventure romance set in the 17th c entury,it includes lost love,the Great Plague of London,a five handed duel,Spanish ladies,the attack on Panama 1671,Spanish gold and much more,with best wishes,Strachan Gordon.

I am already enraptured by this. My God, and you are not published? Why? I have read three chapters so far (while Michael cooked the tea haha). I will put this on my book shelf and will come back with more comments when I have read the rest.

Well, I read much of what you have posted last night and I really enjoyed it. You write very well and I could picture both main characters clearly in my head. I do feel you make Henry 'palatable' (right word?), which is not an easy task :D. Elizabeth is feisty and I like that, she is how I would have imagined her to be but Henry? Not quite so 'nice' :). I believe it is called poetic/creative license? :D.

Anyway, I did enjoy it and would definitely buy it if I came upon it in a book store.

Jess

Hi, Emily,

Many thanks for your recent comments on "Never Let Him Go." It's much appreciated.

I see that you are writing about such a fascinating period in history, plus you are looking at Elizabeth of York from a rather unique perspective. I am very interested in reading more about how you interpret her.

All the best,
SC Dwinnell, "Never Let Him Go"

I'm big fan of alternating points of view and you've given us a clear insight into Elizabeth and Henry here, and also set the story up really well. This is how History should be taught - by reading books like this.

Hi Emily. I've picked up where I left off and made my way to the end of chapter 5. You certainly draw a wonderful picture of the pageantry and machinations of the time period. It's a really tense time in English history with so many factions that could flair up at any minute that provides a great backdrop for the novel and the relationship between Henry and Elizabeth. Puting them both in first person you are switching viewpoints with each chapter to give the reader a sense of how each one approaches their problems and each other. Your strongest chapters it seems to me are the ones from Elizabeth's viewpoint. We really see the relationship with her family and the internal struggles she has in face of her choices. In Henry I don't get as much a sense of his personality as I do with Elizabeth. You might consider strengthening it with a bit more interaction with other people in individual scenes, perhaps his mother, his uncle and his other companions. But most particularly I would love to see more encounters with Elizabeth that contain dialogue where we can really see the frisson (or not) between the two that would create tension. I was hoping for more than a hushed whisper there in the hall in chapter 5. Showing their actual courtship with all its tits for tats and tension seems a key point for showing us (rather than telling us) why the two marry and if they are forming a union that is strictly political. That aside this is miles better than PG and I'm sure will continue to gain much support. Kristin

Hello Emily,

British history, the micro-history that is, is alien to much of the Commonwealth, especially 15th century history. As an Indian, I am familiar with the Raj era and all the anti British sentiments that went with it. Having said that, there is always a place in our hearts for the insider stories of past that pop up from time to time if we had our ears to the ground; this book is one such and I relished reading it.

You have captured the intrigue of the turn of guard when the greed for power triggered a series of events that I read between the lines of this strange love story.

It's a new experience for us aliens but all the better for it.

I have showered stars over it and it is noe on my WL, soon to be promoted to my shelf say within a week.

All the best

jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

I’m back for more of your great storytelling! I’ve just read through chapter 6. Wonderful! I love the way you are writing their love story. I love how you get into their heads and hearts. Terrific writing. Way better than Phillipa Gregory! Can’t wait to finish! Still…I wish it was complete!

Ellise
~The Governess~

Hi Emily,

This is a fascinating and seminal period in English history in which to set an unlikely love story - as I think it was in truth, or became so. I enjoyed all that I read here, especially the thorny ups and downs between Henry and Elizabeth, and it is plain there is more stabbing emotion still to come. Your handling of language is excellent and accurate - give or take some odd replacement of commas by semi-colons and even colons. (Beware, in the pitch you have a capital letter after a semi-colon.) There may be a few too many adjectives for some editors. Ask yourself whether or not a word adds something which the reader might not think of. Beware of cliches too, 'deathly silence', 'sun in all its glory', etc. Can you think of a new way to say these>

The prologue sets the scene nicely but it might be better to head it with the date, including the day (including the day of the week, and perhaps the weather?) and the place name of the battle. This would enable you to omit those details in the text, which might make it even more pithy. But beware of cliches, 'deathly silence', ;sun in all its glory' etc. Can you think of a fresh way to say these - especially as these will be the first and possibly the only words an agent will read?

From chapter 2 the story flows beautifully, with the various levels of the story interweaving well without detracting from the primary theme. I would look again, though, at chapter one which was too congested which may explain why I found it emotionally rather flat. So much depends on the quality of your opening which needs to be the very best that you can make it. Again, that, especially the first paragraph of the first page, may be all that an agent will read before rejecting. Although I am fairly familiar with the period, (if rusty), I had to check up on the historical antecedents. Agreed, they are complex, but somehow you have to create a picture which will be crystal clear for your readers. Perhaps you have put too much into the text at this stage? Conversely, the position of Stanley at least was not explained, leaving his relationship with the ladies obscure. A reader needs to be in no doubt about who he is, what he is up to and why he is there. For the others, it is not enough to rely on the information included in the pitch.

A separate point is Elizabeth Woodville's 'foretelling'. It is on record that her mother was arraigned on charges of witchcraft, although found innocent perhaps just because of her noble birth. Could you not mention this threat, showing how it is causing fear of the horrible reprisals which might result if people found out what was happening to Elizabeth? It seems too good an opportunity to miss, to rack up the tension - and grip your reader.

I wish you well with this book and look forward to reading the rest of the trilogy. Margaret

Oh my goodness,
I can't believe I have missed so many wonderful comments! So here I am, saying thank you, thank you, thank you all, I love writing and I love history...

That is all


Millie C x

Amazing! Have you ever been published before? What about your education? You are talented, and a natural! I'll be back to finish. I'm disappointed that this is not complete.

Have a great day!
Ellise :)