Strata

Wow, What a great read. I cant believe that no one is on here pushing this book as it so deserves it. I enjoyed the characters in this book and the tension between them. The narration is great with a great descriptive voice and a cool flow to match it. It really will do well if it get some support and readers back it on here as well as review it. I enjoyed it and score it high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

This story has some strange characters. I only had time to read the first chapter so far, but I'll be coming back to finish all the chapters. Interesting to have the protagonist have to rescue someone they don't like from the start.

Thanks, do appreciate your taking the time. Katherine

I found this very enjoyable read. I love the tension between the siblings, and it has a uniqueness about it with its characters made out of substrate material.

Linda Nelson
Aaron & Keja: Time Dragon

I found this very enjoyable read. I love the tension between the siblings, and it has a uniqueness about it with its characters made out of substrate material.

Linda Nelson
Aaron & Keja: Time Dragon

This is different, I'll say that much - and well-written too. Nobody can doubt your competence as a writer. The first chapter is full of a dry with that's easy to read; my only problem is that it moves slowly - it's quite a long first chapter and nothing really happens. I know you're setting out your stall, and conjuring up a species that needs some explaining, but I fear you could lose readers with such a pedestrian pace. Saying that, I do feel for poor Pete; he certainly has my sympathy for the things he has to put up with.

Strata. I've been looking forward to more treats for a while.

Ch.5. You must have thoroughly enjoyed yourself writing this. Why on earth does Pete have a stone aged arrow head poking out of his bottom - have I forgotten womething?
Love the picture of Pete squeezing and Sandy trickling through the cleft. What an imagination you have.

Ch.6. I think I remember, now, about Pete and strange objects emerging from his body, like the seashell. You still know how to lure the reader on to the next chapter, and I have absolutely no nits to pick.

Ch.7. They found Gilda quite suddenly, with no build up of suspense - and then just as suddenly lost her again. And the journey back across the plateau didnt affect Pete this time?

I wonder what's going to happen next.
Jane. (Breath of Africa).

An imaginative and clever story. My reaction to reading Strata was a sense of fun. It romped along at a very nice pace. I love rocks and I love puns so this story was a delight to me. Even if some of the puns were groaners you have to love them. I loved many many bits but this one gave me particular delight: "She was normally the perfect earth mother despite the streak of lava in her veins"
A thoroughly enjoyable read even for someone like me who is not exactly a young adult, but then I believe that the best stories for the young are ones that adults can also read and enjoy. I have backed it and will recommed it to others.

I've finished chapter 1. It's delightful! I love the imagination and humor. I'll be reading more.

Katherine: I have only read the first chapter of Strata, but found it to be a plesently unusual story. I am a bit busy at the time, but plan to read more of this amusing story.
Rich McStay

Katherine, this is a neatly clever and witty read. You have a nice sense of humor in your voice. The first chapter was very nostalgic, a detailed recording of a childhood most of us wish we could get back to. Dialogue is great and honest, and the characters are extremely solid. You have a fine taste of the art, and your imagination is powerful. I like stories like this, with eccentric story lines and quirky characters. Great job.

JC Whitfield-A Proclamation of Death

[Strata]

When I first read your pitch, I found a fantastic story hidden below heaps of difficult words no one understood. I would simplify this pitch - use only words everyone will understand. While Karb, The Depths and the Joolry Trade (Jewelry Trade, I presume?) are splendid sounding words, they mean nothing when I start reading. I have to read the story to discover what they are, so it might be worthwhile not to use them in the pitch.

You let Pete say: '... and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make his sister see that he only agreed because he cared about her.'
--> Honestly, his sister isn't the only one not seeing that.I have a hard time believing that, too. There isn't a single nice thought about his sister.

Hmmm... Strange. Gilda doesn't want to be protected by her brother because he isn't looking handsome enough. At the other hand, there is a part of her so precious she needs to be guarded all the time? I would demand he protect me, if I was Gilda. After all, his uglyness makes her shine even more when compared to him. This really doesn't make sense, you know?

Occasionally you let Sandy or Pete say or do things just to be able to give some information, which we don't yet need. The Volcanus reference with the repulsive Lava Louts, is one of them. You talk about them, but in a manner that suggest we should know what they are. We don't. I know, it's hard to explain things when your main character already knows anything about them. But this can be done in class, or during a lecture or in any other more original way. Also, I don't think we need this kind of information in the first chapter.

What's with that shaking of the world? It's obvious it is not normal behaviour - Pete wouldn't have to ignore it if it was. And since you keep on talking about it, it is obviously important.

At the speed Sandy looses sand, wouldn't you think he became smaller as well?

You write well, but you chose a story that isn't very easy to manage. The world is known to the people living in it, but it isn't known to us. You succeed in building the frame, but you can't flesh it in, which is a shame. Finding a way to explain the world to your readers without maken it sound too obvious, is the hardest thing a writer has to do.

You could, for example, put them in a class room where such things are explained. Also, if the Precious group needs to be protected, wouldn't there be an organisation who's only goal was to protect them? I mean, there can't be that many of them - otherwise they wouldn't be precious.

I hope you don't think I disliked your story. As I already said: you just make it very hard on yourself. There is a lot of humour in it and the outskirts of your story are set in stone. But there is still a lot of dressing up to do, I'm afraid.

Good luck with it.

Oh wow. I read three more chapters--I finished chap 6--and boy, were they great. How exciting! You continue to detail and flesh out your world with beautiful precision and realistic portrayal, and I'm just loving it. The suspense at what is going on, plus the curiosity and fascination for this new world really gets me.
I'm sincere in asking that you let me know when you are published! Please notify me, because I'm really sure that you'll definitely land a deal.
I wish you the best, and any further comments on Alexis would be appreciated, if you wouldn't mind looking at it again! God bless!

--Shieldmaiden

I always find it hard to comment on children's stories as I am completely ignorant of the subject. With that in mind I make the following observations. While you have a charming story, I was bogged down by the dialogue. There is too much of it and it gets in the way of the forward movement of the narrative. I think you could say the same things with far less dialogue and it would be snappier. The characters, I'm sure, will appeal to younger children who I assume are your target readers.

I've read the first two chapters and while I think there are some very strong points to this story, I also don't think it's really for me. The puns are amusing and inventive but sometimes seem a little forced, and the structure seems to follow a very definite 'dialogue - dialogue - dialogue - exposition of dialogue' pattern that repeats itself. I don't think the story flows as well as it might. I would suggest trying to pare things down a little, letting some of the action speak for itself without forever directly telling the reader what and why. Although it seems you intend it to be a children's book, the best children's books are the ones that don't read like children's books, if that makes sense?

All that said, I love the idea: it sounds like the sort of thing that could really take root and have a strong world attached to it. That's the important thing for me: writing styles can alter, be refined or simply might not be to one person's taste, but ideas are the key. Without a good idea to build a story around the best writing in the world is boring. Whether or not you end up editing this in a way that makes it more enjoyable for me to read with my own preferences and taste, your ideas are strong enough that I'm sure you will capture many people's imaginations.

very delightful read. well done

green h
through green's eyes

Hi,

I have read the first three chapters and I am very impressed indeed. First off, it's a great idea, a very vibrant and novel set of characters and they are wraped up in a cracking tale that moves along nicely, without trying to break it's own neck, a crime of which so many on here are guilty of.
But beyond that, the stand out thing which again is so often overlooked in these days of instant action and minimalist parred down text, is the sheer quality of your writing. Great dialogue and exposition abound. Wondeful. I will be backing this as soon as I have a clear of my shelf. I will also be back to read more and comment further. Well done.

Rob

unique, and that's rare here. i've only started to read it but its worth coming back to.

fertile ashes

warren cook

Very imaginative.. I have it on my list,and as soon as the editors desk clears,,and those that are close get the boost.. im gonna back some new books,yours is one !

I love the way your characters react with one another.They are hilarious and very well written! I will read more later for now I'm going to put your book on my watchlist.

Adding to watchlist and will read tonight
Graham Lench
The Eighth Day

Haven't read yet, but adding to watchlist simply because the characters' names are so clever!

Are you serious - Pete is made of bog? I love this story already!

Creative and earthy, Strata by Katherine Edwards is a book is a great read for all ages! When published - this would make excellent summer reading for high schools everywhere ~

~ a
The Women Who Fly Kites

Strata. It's such ages since I last read your book, I'd forgotten how delightful it is.
Ch.1. Love the picture of Gilda chipping, then smoothing herchin with pumice.
A realistic geology lesson, delving into the depths of the earth.
You dont have to mention Pete's body twice in the same sentence.
Do you think your chapters might be just a little long for the genre?

Ch.4. The lay ou of the first part of this chapter has been chopped up by authonomy. Perhaps you'd better remedy it?
Love those names, Wot'jers and Yo'men of the guard, and King Koal. But I wonder if all those explanations might be shortened a bit - leaving more to the reader's imagination? dialogue, if crisper, would flow better.
I'm sure your book would make a wonderful film. I can just imagine the wot'jers elbowing away slimey undesirables and talking into their sleeves. And what fun the animators would have, producing chips on Pete's shoulders, and skeletons from his body. And that precious woman astride a - cockroach was it?

I dont think you should limit your audience to YA.

I'll leave you scoffing your marble slab, and look forward to another helping in the future.

Jane. (Breath of Africa).

Hi there! I'm here with an Alliance of Worldbuilders crit. Please take with as much (or as little) salt as you wish.

I only had time to read the first chapter. I love the names and how they relate to the characters. Awesome. Gilda sounds rather like a valley girl - images of Cher Horowitz are now flitting through my head. :) And Pete has the irritated-older-brother thing down.

I hope I’m not supposed to like Gilda because I find her vapid, conceited, selfish, and annoying. She is definitely a spoiled little princess. Well done conveying that! I want to like Pete, but he seems to suffer a bit from PLM Syndrome (Poor Little Me).

I think you've done a wonderful job illustrating the relationship between brothers and sister and I am interested to see where this goes. Good luck with it!

Your blurb sounds awesome. lol! who likes their sister?
haha, i love how she called him clod. and action right from the start! Love the baby spinning round also.
I love how you work the back story into the dialog. Great work.
And their descriptions: well done!!
This is nice, entertaining work Katherine. Best wishes for your success!! Highly rated!
Monicque
The Multiple Choice
:)

Lol, loved the opening of Strata - imaginging someone's toe almost snapping off!!

Dear Katherine,
How very clever on so many different 'stratas, and I see it attracting different 'stratas' of development, i.e. age, intelligence, that you'll draw readers from children to adults, in addition to all layers (strata) of society and nationality Plus, you're taking a scientific subject and making it fun for children.. In addition, I see you building a marvelous satire of feelings, problems, issues of human life, too. Clever, clever, indeed. The names, their individual problems, polishing her vein--does anyone think her vain needs polishing? Congratulations Katherine and I wish you all the best.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Hi Katherine,

Just read the first few chapters of this and I have to give it props for orgininality and creativity. I can't comment on this from the point of view of an avid children's book fan, but I can comment as an adult who had stumbled upon this. There's a lot of clever bits in this, such as "burying his head in the sand", "News of the Underworld" and "chips on their shoulders", which I enjoyed enormously. I also liked the surgery bit as well - very inventive and clever.

I think you introduce the characters nicely, which is what the first chapter should do anyways. Personally, I would have liked to be introduced to the context and characters before any dialogue begins. I found it difficult to picture the two children arging, as I didn't know what they were. I think I could have been able to picture it if there was an introductory paragraph in which the surroundings and characters were described. But at the end of the day, writing is a very subjective and others may think that the first chapter is great the way it is.

I couldn't help but dislike Gilda and her friends, simply because the 'pretty little me' attitude grates on me and it was a little too exaggerated to seem real (The most beautiful girls and women I've met were really lovely and weren't nasty at all. I've only met one fairly pretty girl who was an a**hole but she only expressed her revolting attitudes to her close friends and never to the general public) Perhaps if they wasn't so overly condecending towards others, they would come across as more human and bearable, as they don't seem to have much reason to be that nasty. But if you want to keep them the way they are, it's best to show why they might be like that, by having them horribly envied by the less attractive ones. Usually, that's the reason why most are so nasty and concieted, from some of the rants I've seen on Yahoo Answers and other forums. I think this is perhaps needed if we are to care for her when she gets in danger (I presume that is what will happen) and it will be nice to see how the outcome will humble her and make her a more attractive person in general, not just to her family.

But having said that, I think the fact that the protagonist is so protective of his sister despite her disgusting attitude is what makes him so likeable and endearing and because of this I think your readers will love him. I think his down to earth personality and sweetness is nicely foiled by his sister's spoilt behaviour and it would be good to see him develop into a more confident and heroic person by the end.

I've backed this as I loved the premise and creativity. Wish you all the best with this =D

Hemisha
THE PEARL BONES

Katherine,
Absolutely joyous! Have read the whole 29! Funny, witty great satire something for the young and older reader.
Thanks for asking me to read it really enjoyed the ride!
:)
Diane
ps will get you up on the shelf hopefully next month

STRATA by Katherine Edwards.

I have had the pleasure to read parts of this intriguing book. These are my opinions only. I liked this book. It is well thought out, flows great and interesting. The characters come alive and draw you in.

The dialog is modern day California valley PRESCIOUS girl with an English accent.

The plot is an interesting display of brother and sister rivalry, Brother an everyday guy looking to protect his pretty sister who has an aversion or love for the wrong side of the tracks. The dialog flows with ease, draws you in and can relate very funny spots too.
Its spell binding, to place the reader into an underground setting is handled with ease.
I only have praise for it and found nothing that made me think. The Precious are described well and you can get a visual image from the descriptions.

Fantasy wise: great read, keeps you interested and anyone who can place a reader below the surface of Earth (I praise) and, believable characters then, this one is for you. I liked the fact that the brother, besides being treated harshly by the pretty sister; his loyalty is intense. He does not real care for her safety, but it is still there. He follows her to places they should avoid, but the loyalty to protect over rides his senses and he follows. Katherine has some great descriptions and I picked up some pointers by reading

Anyway, please feel free to read, one good story

Best of luck Katherine with this one.

Richard A. Wentworth (Dream Catcher: The Alliance of World builders)
Aracelis

Wow, Katherine. This is incredibly inventive. And, funny! I could really see Pete as a boy made of "peat" moss. My 12-year-old son read it with me and he said it was really funny. He thinks it for a litlte bit younger child, but he's willing to read the rest with me. This may actually do for geology what Tolkein did for trees. I can see you building a really rich and unique world in a believable manner, which can't be easy when your characters are minerals.

I'm guessing from the first chapter that Gilda is made of gold, which could be problematic if there are miners about. I look forward to finding out. Lauri (Lela Markham - The Willow Branch)

Wow, Katherine. This is incredibly inventive. And, funny! I could really see Pete as a boy made of "peat" moss. My 12-year-old son read it with me and he said it was really funny. He thinks it for a litlte bit younger child, but he's willing to read the rest with me. This may actually do for geology what Tolkein did for trees. I can see you building a really rich and unique world in a believable manner, which can't be easy when your characters are minerals.

I'm guessing from the first chapter that Gilda is made of gold, which could be problematic if there are miners about. I look forward to finding out. Lauri (Lela Markham - The Willow Branch)

Katherine

I think you've done the impossible, you've made geology exciting for kids. Sure they love to hunt for fossils but this take on the world of rocks, bogs, and everything concerning the Earth's foundation is quite delightful. I will have to forward the link for this book to my friends that teach this age range because it is an adorable story.

I wish I had more to offer you than praise and a future backing but this story is ready for the ED.

good luck Star rated and holding for when I rotate my shelf.

Michel Prince

Katherine,

This is unbelievably inventive and clever. You have humor and a very distinctive voice. I gave you lots of stars, and I'll keep you on my watchlist (just shuffled my shelf and can't quite fit it just yet.). I'm rooting for you - you're a true original!

I really enjoyed reading your first chapter,it reminded me of myself when i was that age. I will be back to read more.
Watchlisted and starred :)

"Strata" - Katherine Edwards. I read the 1st 2 chapters and scanned several comments. Strata also describes the levels here - child, teenage, adult; socio-economic; political; ecological, etc. Very complex and very punny. You must have had fun writing this. Bookshelf for complexity and writing! Some thoughts: chapter 1 starts off slowly with the usual sibling rivalry; perhaps add several paragraphs or background from chapter 1 to chapter 2 and delete the rest of 1? Hope this helps.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

This is unique and imaginative. Your characters are interesting, and the social structure (strata) of your storyworld is detailed and believable. I can easily see this on a shelf for sale at a children's bookstore someday. Do you have any other stories?

Bek Mars, author of DarkStar

This is... Unique, and interesting. The plot is new, the characters are unique, the names of everything is very creative and well put together.
I can tell you put a lot of work into this, and I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters. Once I can get my internet to cooperate better, I may come back and read some more.

I wish you lots of luck, I know that many children will enjoy this story.

Hi Katherine,
I enjoyed this, it’s a great concept. I liked you’re style too. Admittedly I didn’t find the English that easy to read, but I suspect that’s me, and the right age group will love it. I certainly read a lot more than I expected, which is always a good sign. I think this has got considerable potential and I wish you every success with it. Backed.
Rheagan Greene – Unwelcome CONSEQUENCES (2/3)

I think this is a perfect fit for the 9-12 year old children's fiction. As a former children's librarian I know they will love the fantastic puns and the characters. As historian I love the inside joke for Pete (Pete Moss, the bog body in Lancashire I presume). I can tell you write scripts because the dialogue is good and the characters have very distinct visual appearances. What you might consider though is to drop the first chapter and have chapter 2 as your opening chapter. Nothing really happens in chapter 1 except dialogue, description and backstory and you really need to grab your reader with action-- start the story off right away. The material in chapter one comes across sometimes as "a you know Bob" section where the author compells to pass on information to the reader via dialogue. I think you can weave in select important elements in chapter 2 that is vital to understanding the characters. Just a word or two about protecting Gilda as a Precious. Their characters come across well in chapter 2 without the effort you made in chapter 1. The only other thing you might consider is to avoid attaching lots of action and description to your tag lines (said, asked, etc.) It lessens their emphasis and it tends to lose the thread of the original dialogue. You don't do it very much in chapter 2 (I remember one of them was when Tabby first says something). Aside from this I think it's a hilarious read and a really great premise. Kristin

Here to trade feedback! Thanks so much for contacting me! I soooo (LOL) enjoyed this read and I'm putting it on my bookshelf as soon as I finish this comment. You did wonderful things with dialogue. You gave each character their own unique voice. It differentiated them and made the piece more authentic all around. It made the characters come alive and I really enjoyed the opening exchange. Dialogue really wakes a reader up. It made reading this a breeze. Sandy was a joy to read. I loved his spirit, and Pete reads strongly too. You have a great imagination and I enjoyed your descriptions, your concept is grabbing and the relationship dynamics added additional authenticity to voice! Well done so far... Backed!

Interesting story Katherine. You have a great imagination no doubt. The characters in your story are amusing, the setting of the story is also something special. The different Krusterati race are also to be admired. I can figure out their looks, although I would like to see some pictures of the characters from your imagination in the book (once it is released). :)
I enjoyed every bit of the book. Nicely written and simle for children to understand. Fully rated and on W/L.

Good luck
Daniela

Reminds me of the boko Wicked. It's filled with humor, and has unusual characters with an odd storyline. I think you've got a winner here :)

This is a very unique story with one of the most creative storylines I've seen on authonomy. Well done!

On a side note, have you considered beginning at a different spot? The opening dialogue didn't work for me. I had no real connection to the characters at first and the argument, in my opinion, wasn't the strongest hook. Once the story moved along, I got much more into it. Maybe a different opening would be more effective?

Otherwise, good job. I will definitely be reading more.

Hi Katherine, did you have time to check my book out yet? Have begun Strata today although suffering from Hayfever. Fellow britboK.

Deborah

Katherine,
Reading your book, I became a child again expending boundless energy on mudpies, tree climbing and stone-skipping contests. Picture me puzzled by your characters stumbling about until I realized they were rock people exercising their inborn right to stumble about. I started laughing and the mirth hasn't left me. Your prose is picturesque, laden with action words that keep the pace skipping along, your dialogue perky. I swear I could walk my dog down into the conservation park behind where I live and at a certain angle, recognize the zany rock people and their bizarre world you so aptly describe. Many thanks.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I have read through to chapter four, and I'm not sure where to start, this, not being my normal genre to read. The imagination is wonderful. Suddenly you are thrust into a world where one might start thinking twice as they dig in their yard. "Al Loy, Gilda, Pete, Sandy" how clever. It envelops you into creativity, where you find yourself in a world far different, imagining the slimy creatures, cavernous surroundings, worm travel. The writing, smooth and flowing, pulling you along the journey...how the heck did you come up with this idea? The limitless creativity so unique...hats off to you!
Rated top stars!
Good luck!

Wendy

Hi Katherine

First off-love the title, short, unusual,grabs the readers attention. If I saw it in a bookshop I'd want to pick it up.

As Valerie said below sibling characterisation is excellent.I read somewhere an agent saying they wanted topics that dealt with sibling relationships so its a relevant subject at the moment-all good.

This is the sort of thing kids love and you tell the story in a way that made me feel like I was a kid again and not at all didactic.Well-written and with a good pace. I hope to see you do well.

Best of luck,
Claire

Katherine, I have only read the first chapter but this would seem to be a perfect book to read to Grade 3 students who study soil, volcanoes and mining in Social Studies!
This is a highly original story. Your sibling characterizations and dialogue are totally realistic. There are good life lessons and 'teachable moments' about what is truly valuable in people and in life but you don't hit the reader over the head with them.
I have given this high stars and will comment again when I have read more.
Valerie
CATNIP

Katherine,

I've taken a look at the first few chapters of Strata, and there's a lot here I like. You're very imaginative, and have clearly put a lot of work into building the subterranean world your characters inhabit. I love punplay in the right situation, and think it especially works with 10-14yr olds. I'm thinking of Piers Anthony's Xanth work in particular.

Some very nice touches: Joolry, chips on shoulders, clever naming. I liked your subway concept - in fact, I loved the entire concept of rocks as protagonists. I like Pete (maybe give us some smell descriptors for him?) - I think the opening could be stronger if we spend some more time just on him before launching into the byplay between him and his sister, which took too long for me.

Another possible suggestion - I'd like to hear more about where they're heading before they actually leave. I assumed school, but not sure it's ever spelled out. I liked the interactions of the semi-precious and the precious mean girls, some thinly veiled social commentary there! Just very very creative. Some tightening up for the prose, which tends to be a little ponderous in places. If I can scrape up the time, I'll be by to read more.

Best of luck,

Joe