Blue Curtains

08 June 2010
Blue Curtains, a suitably cryptic title, reinforced with a very interesting pitch is a gripping novel composed of sterling prose, no nonsense pace, realistic dialogue and credible characterisation. Even the disembodied voice is believable due to the matter of fact elements of its speech which displays a creative authorial touch. An enthralling read and a sure candidate for success. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

BLUE CURTAINS
This is a thought provoking story. Rowan is an interesting character; no big dramatic action from him, just common sense dialogue and actions. Your writing style is detailed and makes it feel as if this is really happening. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Frank,
I read all you've posted.

All I can say can be done in two words --more please.

Backed with pleasure (okay, five words)

Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

An interesting short pitch followed by a well written submission. It was professionally presented, moved at a timely pace & your dialogue fitted in seamlessly. Best wishes - Paula - (Cuthbert: How mean is my Valley?)

Oh wow! THis one is SOoooooo good,

Backed with pleasure
The Lord of the Dawn

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Nicely constructed story, well written. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

A creepy and brilliant opening chapter. A very good introduction to Rowan, too. I'm not analytical enough to know why some writers succeed here almost immediately. Is it lazy just to call it talent? The subject matter is enough to intrigue most readers, I would have thought. backed. Lynn

Very well crafted book just a little long on the first para. but engaging and leaves one wanting more. Your use of words is masterful and I cant wait to see the over. Please give comments on my book totally different genre, but much appreciated.
BACKED for sure

Denise. Best of luck Frank

Very well crafted book just a little long on the first para. but engaging and leaves one wanting more. Your use of wrods is masterful and I cant wait to see the over. Please give comments on my book totally different genre, but much appreciated.
BACKED for sure

Denise. Best of luck Frank

That first paragraph, while the content is impressive, could do with breaking up. As a first impression, I found myself looking for some white space to give my eyes a break.

That said, the content of this is exceptionally good, engaging and interesting. You have an excellent premise, and with a grammatical clean-up, this could really shine.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Welcome aboard, Frank. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch needs to be rewritten. I am like, huh? The long pitch needs to be expanded up, a mini-story arch. We need more detail. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Backed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

bluee curtains - Interesting pitch - should it be ´´seeking´
also you could cut decides to take - and just say ´takes´
- every word counts?
Also give me some teasing clue as to whether he gets justice - at the end of the pitch
hope that helps
backed
please have a look at THE SOUL OF CHARLIE MARCONI
thanks
simon

Frank you have a great premise here and we can all see that you can write well, it just needs a bit of tidying up. i won't bother pointing out what others have said, but just say that you lack punctuation at the end of mearly all your dialogue and it gets to be abit annoying after a while.

Great start though and easy to back for its obvious potential.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

This has an interesting premise and promises a good read. Your initial paragraph is a bit unwieldy.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

This needs a lot of basic editing, but you do have a curious pitch. I haven't backed it yet because I feel it needs quite a lot of work yet - but that is not meant to discourage you. There will be ample time as the book rises for editing, and during that time you can learn a lot. Here's what I came up with for you in the first paragraph:

He was a non-smoker and none drinker...
none = non

He could be expected to live a long and as useful a life as any of....
This is awkward use of "as." Try something more like:
...to live as long and useful a life as any...
...to live a long life, as useful as any...

As if by remote control he entered one of open twin lifts...
one of two open lifts
The wording "one of open" is not grammatical.

You also have a very long paragraph for the first paragraph. You will hear again and again that shorter paragraphs make for easier reading. Your audience - human beings - are lazy creatures. If you make them work to read your writing, they won't bother.

Your style tends towards all medium-short sentences. Try varying the length of your sentences a bit, as this will give you a more pleasant cadence. Try reading what you've read aloud. If it sounds plodding read aloud, then it is.

He pressed the button on the wall panel marked "G".
This might another instance of UK vs American conventions, but I was taught to put the period inside the quotation marks.

Welcome to Authonomy - Enjoy the ride!

Frank - is that a mistype? Do you mean deceased? (instead of 'bequeathed')

Dear Frank, I love investigation or forensics - tv shows teem with them & yours is great. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs (you may want to cut longer ones in 2 for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles) & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)