How Times Change

Well, you know my opinion on this. I love it. I especially love the beginning. It's just so matter-of-fact, but it reflects what I imagine would be every rich girl's nightmare. Plus, it gives Anita her initial voice, and the Beatles quote... so good!

Well, you know my opinion on this. I love it. I especially love the beginning. It's just so matter-of-fact, but it reflects what I imagine would be every rich girl's nightmare. Plus, it gives Anita her initial voice, and the Beatles quote... so good!

Interesting and convincing story of a tumultuous change in circumstances.
Chapters 2 & 3 are the same.
Needs some work on the tenses and there are some strange sentences such as "Of MIce and Men, we were still reading."
It keeping the readers attention will depend on how the experience changes her.

Flows. Works - would add some dialog though, to jack up the beginning. The switch from rich to poor offers much you can play with. The Tails of Willie Gusty

This seems like a really good book for young girls to read. I think there are a lot of pressures in our society and your book could definitely help young girls find themselves in this character. It could also easily be a "wake up call" read for parents who apply such pressures to their children. "Perfection" is at best skewed on a dialy basis. I could see this being a required reading for debate courses to fuel discussion.

Great work
**Support Dani the Earth Angel**

Hi Caitlin, just wondered if you have had chance to scan through a bit of Firelord yet? I'm trying to get some feedback on the later chapters but nb. chapter 34 is actually chapter 1 of book 2.
Thanks anyway, I enjoyed what I read of yours. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Hi Caitlin
I like the concept here. Rich girl gets sent to local comp - poor Anita. You've portrayed her skilfully and left the reader with loads of hooks to want to read on. I'd split your pitch up a bit more and maybe tell us a little more about what happens without giving too much away. The story is great but I think you could draw more people in to read it this way. Overall, great stuff.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Goooooood story!!
Very much like how you set Anita. I think you have built a great character, however it is how you made her appear so different to the others that impressed, all to often characters can appear a little clone-ish, not here.
The plot is classic but you have created a unique storyline and think most of that is down to your brilliant characterisation. As I said at the start Gooooood story!!

How Times Change
Caitlin McLarty

Sounds a bit like poetic justice - the MC's wealthy parents setting standards of "perfection" for their children and when it is discovered father hasn't worked for over two years but was simply hiding out and pretending he did, the money has run out and the MC now has to go to a comprehensive, but not the expected private school - what a treat it would be to get into the "perfect" minds of father and mother now! Caitlin, you do a good job in the prologue convincing the reader that you are a capable storyteller thereby providing the reason to continue reading. This was not only very readable, but interesting because your narrator seems to have that childish innocence on the one hand, but on the other, appears to be a good observer with the kind of awareness and maturity which I think young people reading this will be drawn to - because she is likeable, and it appears, realistic. You end well - the first day of comprehensive school for her - whatever will she find? A new planet perhaps because her world now will be so completely changed. THis is a truly compelling book for your target readership - and I sincerely admit, one for me too as I thoroughly enjoyed it so far. YOu have a good solid story, and you tell it very well. Happy to back it and I hope it gets very far.

Hi Caitlin, Good handling of dialogue and non-verbal messages between the students. And you’ve conveyed Anita’s difference from the other students in her POV and her responses – loved how she didn’t want to translate merde. And I could see how she would come off as a little remote. I enjoyed this and it seems written well for the target age. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

What a talented writer you are! So well written and polished - my only gripe is I want more!!! Backed with pleasure.

liz
The Cheech Room

I'm finally getting around to commenting on this! I enjoyed this very much, you really know how to play up family tension and dynamics. You know how to emotionally connect the reader to the story which is something i am struggling with! I like Anita, she's an engaging character that I'm happy to follow. This is a great, well written book. Cant wait to read more.

Missy

Hey you sure know how to write. You communicate excellently with the reader and your story is a dead seller. The details given are fine and the emotions you stir up and remarkable.

Hooked on this

backed with pleasure

The prologue sets the tone for your book well. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced. Your use of imagery is excellent, your character development of Anita is solid and this coupled with your descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will have a broad appeal with the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans:
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

TIMES CHANGE
This is a story about a girl beginning a new school. I had a hard time at first getting to like her (poor little rich girl can’t afford Prada shoes any longer; has to go to a regular school . . .) but the more I read, the more I felt sorry for her. I’m wondering if you shouldn’t begin with Anita entering the new school (hook your reader) and then go back and fill in her background on a need to know basis rather than supplying it all down front. Either way, I think you’ll find an audience for this among young teens who have had to start a new school the same as Anita. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Caitlin,

I enjoyed this and hope the following suggestions and ideas are helpful to you.

Your second sentence is a difficult one to read as it starts with the word what. This is usually a question, when at the beginning of the sentence. I'd suggest -- 'We just want you to be happy. That's what, apparently, etc.

'two holidays a year of a month' -- what does that mean?(typo?)

The lead up and hook line to the next chapter are very good.

'very much empty'? -- it's either empty or not. Rethink this sentence.

'People like me'. This is excellent.

I though she might have said that 'merde' meant 'poo' rather than have her say the rather crude word, 'shit'. More in keeping with the character.

We feel for Anita and her first day at the Comp. Not an easy first day, by the sound of it. Yes, they would call her a snob. Her attempts at friendship and her fear of other children and of prying teachers is well-described,

Please feel free to ignore my thoughts, of course.

Best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

There's a typo in ch1 I must point out before I forget - '...only when I saw her trying to hide a smirk that I realiseD she was mocking me.'
It's a feast of varied and fascinating characters, everything I look for in a book. Backed. lynn

Wonderful work, powerfully written and with a real sense of voice. I really felt for Anita, and I think you took this issue and handled it with skill.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Great addition to the YA genre on the site. You deal with difficult subjects really well. Superb narrative voice makes this a must read story.

Very happy to shelve it.
Melxx
Impeding Justice.

Teenagers cruel? Nah!! This makes for a very good read and the kind of book I could use with my YA students. deals with difficult subjects but kids have to know what's out there and how to deal with it.
Cheers, Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown
ps don't reply to comments in your own comment box but go to that person's home page and message them there! :)

great subject matter and I think your character has a definite voice. I didn't read far enough to get to any references to suicide but it's really topical in NZ right now -- we have a terrible suicide rate. cheers!

This is a must read for young adults, especially those bullies who react only to their only stupidity. Lessons for kids through wonderful storytelling are lessons learned. I have a ten year old daughter who has experienced the cruelty, but she was able to strike back with words because of her ability to vocalize her feelings in such a way that it embarassed the cruel leader when he was laughed at . BAcked.

I hope you will give mine read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Love it, love it, want some more of it ! !

Backed

Rodney

Welcome aboard, Caitlin. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch actually works. The long pitch works since this is YA. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Caitlin, I love that I never had to move & meet new people when I was growing up - there is something to be thankful for of my childhood - a lot of it was tragic, though as you'll see in my memoir. What an adjustment for Anita in your story from riches to scrimping - wonder if any of this is based on fact? Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)