Therian - Book One of The Bloody Crescent Trilogy

When I read your pitch my first thought was, 'Oh dear, another wannabe Stephenie Meyer' and I almost didn't read this. I'm so glad I did, though, because I couldn't have been more wrong.

This is a very strong opening, giving enough away, but not too much, and setting up questions to ensure the reader carries on.

There are some contradictions though. Carmine: 'If I had known, I never would have done this' but then later, 'He'd allowed this to continue, knowing full well what the risk was. It always ended the same, and now she'd suffer that fate.' So, he did know, really, what would happen if Lenora became pregnant. The question is, why did he allow the pregnancy to continue? Why did he think it might be different this time?

There are some switches of point of view within the first chapter, from Lenora to Carmine to the midwife, to her daughter, which can sometimes jar the reader's flow, but this aside, I think this certainly has page-turning qualities. I will give this a whirl on my shelf, and look forward to reading some when time allows.

Best of luck
Amerynthe

The Living and The Dead: The Awakening
Riptide

** AUTHOR'S NOTE **

I am currently revising and editing all chapters. I have also changed my book cover.

The beautiful image was created by "Wolfenchanter" from deviantart.com and I have been given permission to use it. A huge thank you!!!

Hi Roxanne. This is stunning. I was captivated from the first two sentences.Your writing is excellent and your vocabulary suits the ambience of the settings and plot.
The birth grabs the reader and doesn't let go. Carmine's emotions, his pain for his wife and unborn child were so touching. His wife Lenora was a strong character as was Guiliana. Underneath the trauma of the birth was a sinister threat, compelling the reader on. I was impressed with the way you used all the senses, the cries, the smells, the touch. sight of the bruises on the pregnant stomach. Really good.
Amber's urge to socialize and go to College is again dramatic and engrossing. One wondered whether she would stand her ground against Carmine's anger and thankfully did so. Guiliana was a great support as her surrogate mother.
The behaviour of her father in the wood again arouses suspicions of sinister meanings.

Her first day at College is exciting and I did like the names of the students. e.g. Tayelon, Tristian, Luna her room-mate and Deaco. Their characters are well-rounded fairly leapng off the page.

This is something I would like to take to bed and read for a few hours. Having said that maybe I would be looking into the shadows!!

Backed with pleasure

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

Morning Roxanne.
A fascinating book you are writing [finished but not all loaded?
Any way, it is excellently written and paced.
At the start, the birth ; have you deliberately lead the reader to feel the sense of something 'not right' and how this seeps into the rest of the book? Very clever, if so.
Have a busy day today, so can not continue my reading, esp as your book needs a bit more than a skim.
But I will BACK it.

I would be appreciative if you could reciprocate and look over a some of my short childrens' book , as I if all feedback useful. Jerry [Paperbat Adventures].

Alright, I don't really know how you can like my book, or even think I'm a good writer when I'm nothing compared to you. This is really, REALLY good. I don't know how old you are, but you obviously have experience. The scene where Amber's mother is giving birth is spectacular. It's by far - one of the best scenes I've ever read! I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I am totally not stopping there. I will not take this off my erm... picks list? I really don't know what you call it here. I don't get online much and this is the first book I have read here. But yeah, I'll just call it picks list :]

Not taking it off. Off to read now.

Anna,
xoxoxo

I liked your pitch so I popped in to have a look. I usually make notess as to where I stumble when reading. I'm no expert and my grammar is subpar, but i do know when something is off for me as a reader. There wasn't much to compalin about here just 2 things, maybe.

Just a formatting issue. You might consider putting "Carmine couldn't believe she was the one pleading for her forgiveness" before his dialogue "no please don't be sorry . . . " instead of after it.

You might reconsider - "It was like she knew something was wrong." Based on what you just described, quite horrifying by the way, she'd have to be a right dolt to not know something was wrong.

Nice job
keep writing
Bill
HAKTAW HEART

Roxanne,
It's unusual to find a work in the fantasy genre written with such emotional resonance. The first chapter is captivating and I found it incredibly sad. As is usually the case with this type of fiction, I'm amazed by an author who can dream up such an enthralling plot to keep the reader in a state of suspense until the very end. The characters come to life for me in the opening scene and this intensely emotional account is enough to draw the reader into this epic work. Therian-Book One of the Bloody Crescent Trilogy shines for its originality and the extraordinary imagination of the author.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

You create quite a bit of interest early in the prologue. The stubborn child, the bruises on the mother's stomach, the fact that Carmine blames himself, her mother fleeing. There are a lot of elements of intrigue. It makes me want to know what it is about this girl that makes her so different. I like how you've taken an ordinary conflict--child birth--and still managed to hook your reader through the numerous mysteries that pop up within the first few pages.

This is extremely well-edited and polished. It's refreshing to come across a book I can read for enjoyment without having to stop and make notes.

This lines up perfectly with the books that line the young adult section at bookstores right now. Teenage girls will breeze through this. It's targeted well for the age group and is a quick, exciting read. Amber is a character teens will be able to relate to and connect with. What teenage girl hasn't felt trapped by her parents? She feels very authentic, and you've done a great job developing her character throughout the opening chapter.

Suggestions: A baby with a thick mass of black hair? Is this realistic? If it's necessary for the story, I'd have her parents note how strange it is to have a child with this much hair. The change in the perspective felt a little off, since it felt like we were in Lenora's head until the very end when we obviously couldn't be anymore. It was a little jarring. You might make note of the time period. I thought it took place farther back in time with the way they spoke and the fact they were having the baby at home, but then you mentioned 911 and that threw off my perspective. Finally, once chapter 1 begins, I'd be careful with how many adverbs you use. "Slowly," "quickly," "finally," etc don't add much to your story. You're a strong enough writer without them.

Minor typos: Your use of the semi-colon is incorrect. An independent clause needs to follow a semi-colon. You should have a question mark at the end of "...what was she expected to do?" Other than that, this is very well-edited.

Though there are many other books out there that are similar, this one separates itself with solid writing, a relatable character, and an intriguing premise. This is highly marketable. Good work!

Your pace is steady, with enough detail to set the scene, but not so much so that it disrupts the flow of reading. I found myself whizzing through with ease. I can't comment further than that as I haven't read an awful lot. But I will rate you 5 stars for now and come back to read more.

Kindest Regards
Luciana House
'Burning Angel'

Wow, I have just started reading this and it just sucks you in! It's wonderfully written, you can feel the emotions of the characters as though you are there in the room with them. I can't wait to finish it!

This is a story that is unquie and the writing style makes the writing easy to understand. Love the chartchers. At chapter 4, will come back and read some more. Backed. Liked the cover of the book.

Best wishes,
Chipper Newman

Okay, let me say first of all that I don't even like the whole werewolf/vampire genre AT ALL, but yet I still finished this book. Why? Captivating style, for one thing. Detailed descriptions for another. Oh, and the prologue had me hooked. I had to keep reading to find out what kind of powers Carmine had, why the baby killed Lenora, why the former nurse had left, etc. So I applaud you for a job well done. You know how to wow with words.

I did see a few typos, grammatical issues, and misspelled errors, but since you said that you are currently revising them, I won't bother you with them. Keep up the good work.

Bek Mars, author of DarkStar

I liked the concept, it's really intriguing. I do find myself left asking some questions, however, such as:

Why were there bruises on the mother's stomach? (Baby with superhuman strength?)
What's with the names? When/where does this take place? It seems like modern USA/UK, but I've never heard or seen the name Guiliana before, and Darksky sounds like Fantasy or Native American name.

There are more questions, but I've only read the first two chapters. Perhaps some of these questions are answered later. I'm just giving my first impression.

I agree with what someone said: some of the descriptions are very vivid and well-done. I do think it still needs some tightening up and some editing. Sometimes there were too many adjectives in a description (I've read that one is plenty per noun, two at the most). I saw a lot of commas that didn't need to be there (something I do myself). I did see that you mentioned you were currently revising it.

Good job!

I enjoyed reading this very much! The story line was very good. I thought that it could have had a little more conversation, but other than that, it was very good. I can't wait to read more. Backed with pleasure.

When I read your pitch my first thought was, 'Oh dear, another wannabe Stephenie Meyer' and I almost didn't read this. I'm so glad I did, though, because I couldn't have been more wrong.

This is a very strong opening, giving enough away, but not too much, and setting up questions to ensure the reader carries on.

There are some contradictions though. Carmine: 'If I had known, I never would have done this' but then later, 'He'd allowed this to continue, knowing full well what the risk was. It always ended the same, and now she'd suffer that fate.' So, he did know, really, what would happen if Lenora became pregnant. The question is, why did he allow the pregnancy to continue? Why did he think it might be different this time?

There are some switches of point of view within the first chapter, from Lenora to Carmine to the midwife, to her daughter, which can sometimes jar the reader's flow, but this aside, I think this certainly has page-turning qualities. I will give this a whirl on my shelf, and look forward to reading some when time allows.

Best of luck
Amerynthe

The Living and The Dead: The Awakening
Riptide

very good! will be reading the rest of it soon! wondered if u could peek at mine and give me some feedback? hope you keep moving forward! really enjoyed it!

very good! will be reading the rest of it soon! wondered if u could peek at mine and give me some feedback? hope you keep moving forward! really enjoyed it!

Therian - Book One of The Bloody Crescent Trilogy is a well-written young adult novel. Although somewhat formulaic, this is the type of book that YA readers love. Author Roxanne Kade has an excellent sense of pacing which keeps the story moving while giving more than enough characterization and backstory so readers know what is going on and why characters act the way they do. The dialog is very strong and age-appropriate. This story does not really break the mold, but it doesn’t need to for success. It takes everything that YA readers love and serves it up to them in a professional way. I have little doubt that this book will be successful when published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Your very first chapter captured my attention from the beginning and each chapter became better. I think you will do well with this book. Good luck.
-Charmain

Wow! I've read three chapters and I'm loving the story. You're an enchantress. Great pace, detail, mystery--plenty of excitement and curiosity! Great work. I'll be backing when I have the shelf space.

If you could possibly take a look at my epic fantasy book Alexis I would really appreciate it. Any suggestions or advice are most welcome!

--Shieldmaiden

This is brilliant I read the whole thing! I really like it, it annoys you because you get so confused and that makes you read on! Thank you!

Oh my...This is amazing. The way you've introduced the characters is well thought out and fluent. Also the way you've described the husbands actions shows how much he loves her and it's so sweet! I can't wait to read on, this is definitely ready to see the publishers.
- Harlequindawn

Oh my...This is amazing. The way you've introduced the characters is well thought out and fluent. Also the way you've described the husbands actions shows how much he loves her and it's so sweet! I can't wait to read on, this is definitely ready to see the publishers.
- Harlequindawn

Very well written with stacks of visuals that lend to the atmosphere. Original, backed,
Jonny

Roxanne, The first chapter is very strong. I felt the language was precise and it gave me a sense of atmosphere. The writing is excellent and the characterizations well developed. The story has many little gems planted throughout the book—appealing
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I read the first 8 chapters. The pacing is good and the story flows extremely well. The main character is very well thought out as well as her supporting characters. Of what I have read, this work seems ready for the presses. I enjoyed reading it very much. Stared.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Hi Roxanne, Gripping scene from the on set. You've paced it remarkably well and written it in such a way that one can barely catch their breath. Harrowing! One of my MCs is named Amber so I am excited to continue on in her adventure. With a begining like hers, the rest of her story is sure to be just as enthralling. Shelved and best of luck with this! JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

You are an awesome writer. I'm into chapter three and I can't stop. You've hooked me. I'm all concerned about Amber and wondering what will happen to her next. It is a rare thing when someone's writing hooks me like that. Just letting you know, you're doing it right.

~Crystal
Angelic Crisis Arc 1: Beginning of the End

Hi Roxanne,

I'm going to read this later as it seems just the sort of thing I love. The picture is fantastic and the pitch also excellent.I look forward to reading more.Best wishes, Claire-Curious Cooper and the Screaming Skulls

THERIAN. BOOK 1 OF THE BLOODY CRESCENT TRILOGY
Dear Roxanne,
This really is a super read. I had quite forgotten how good until I reread the first 2 chapters once again. You have a natural gift with writing and it shows with the fluidity and pace of the script.
Great setting, nice story and plotline and characters that are very believable.
The birth is a little disturbing and immediately you can gauge that something is amiss - chilling detail.
I hope you have completed this as I sincerely think you can do well with this. Very well done and good luck
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Beautifully crafted . The tension and emotions from the outset makes this compelling. You create thought provoking and unique reading.

Jane

What an interesting prologue, a nail biter of sorts. I wouldn't have seen that ending coming in a hundred years. That is so sad, shows the fraility of life, a birth and a death. And how a powerful man can weep like any other. If anything, it shows, to me at least, that he is a sort of coward since what kind of man never sheds a tear? A great opening, I am on board. Z

Roxanne -

Therian - Book One of the Bloody Crescent Trilogy - I enjoyed the read, meeting Guiliana, the young servant, stricken and unable to help the difficult birth of Amber, which cost the mother her life. A harrowing scene. Guilana bonds with the child, having recently been left by her mother who had a fall-out with Carnine, Amber's father. His daughter grows up secluded away from society because she has the sight. I was wondering what time period this birthscene was and thought, OK, fantasy. Then, I admit, I was a little confused when Amber received an acceptance letter form a college, and a Blackberry mobile as present from Guiliane, while Carnine had disappeared into the woods in his Tom Ford suit, angry about Amber's insistence to leave home. Then college starts, and hot romance, which should hook your young readers.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

** AUTHOR'S NOTE **

I am currently revising and editing all chapters. I have also changed my book cover.

The beautiful image was created by "Wolfenchanter" from deviantart.com and I have been given permission to use it. A huge thank you!!!

Great pitch and a very good book!
This is well written stuff that will go down so well with the YA readers.
The atmosphere is great throughout, the story grabs your attention and refuses to let go. Well done!

Backed.

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

A very powerful prologue, I could almost feel myself bearing down. Your imagery is amazing, and your plot fascinating. I am happy to back your story. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Roxanne, really like your pitch. I am totally into your type of writing. I have a few others on my bookshelf to peruse first but as soon as I am done one you are taking a spot. I'd love if you could check mine out too, same alley different direction really.

Rionach Kerrians

SHOAN

Hi Roxanne. This is stunning. I was captivated from the first two sentences.Your writing is excellent and your vocabulary suits the ambience of the settings and plot.
The birth grabs the reader and doesn't let go. Carmine's emotions, his pain for his wife and unborn child were so touching. His wife Lenora was a strong character as was Guiliana. Underneath the trauma of the birth was a sinister threat, compelling the reader on. I was impressed with the way you used all the senses, the cries, the smells, the touch. sight of the bruises on the pregnant stomach. Really good.
Amber's urge to socialize and go to College is again dramatic and engrossing. One wondered whether she would stand her ground against Carmine's anger and thankfully did so. Guiliana was a great support as her surrogate mother.
The behaviour of her father in the wood again arouses suspicions of sinister meanings.

Her first day at College is exciting and I did like the names of the students. e.g. Tayelon, Tristian, Luna her room-mate and Deaco. Their characters are well-rounded fairly leapng off the page.

This is something I would like to take to bed and read for a few hours. Having said that maybe I would be looking into the shadows!!

Backed with pleasure

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

Hi Roxanne

I have just finished chapter five and have to tear myself away from reading anymore.
I think this is great and am desperate to read more which I will have to later.
Amber is a character which loads of young adults will identify with and this story will have the girls longing to meet Taye.
Backed with pleasure
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

I think your long pitch is spectaular. How could I not read (at least some of) the book after that. One of the best I have seen on this site. And the contents behind it did not disappoint. You write simply but with such a smooth and easy flow that I found myself progressing page after page with no discernible effort. Your narrative voice and handling of wholly believable dialogue between genuinely three dimensional characters caps the package. Very well done and good luck - you deserve it.

This sounds like my kind of book! Will definitely add it! :)

Morning Roxanne.
A fascinating book you are writing [finished but not all loaded?
Any way, it is excellently written and paced.
At the start, the birth ; have you deliberately lead the reader to feel the sense of something 'not right' and how this seeps into the rest of the book? Very clever, if so.
Have a busy day today, so can not continue my reading, esp as your book needs a bit more than a skim.
But I will BACK it.

I would be appreciative if you could reciprocate and look over a some of my short childrens' book , as I if all feedback useful. Jerry [Paperbat Adventures].

Obviously a very dramatic start but you pull it off. Somehow, I was already invested in the characters and interested in what would happen. Great pace to your writing, with good control of the language and just enough detail. We already get a sense that maybe something is awry with this baby, who has drained her mother so completely. Well done, a fabulous start.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Alright, I don't really know how you can like my book, or even think I'm a good writer when I'm nothing compared to you. This is really, REALLY good. I don't know how old you are, but you obviously have experience. The scene where Amber's mother is giving birth is spectacular. It's by far - one of the best scenes I've ever read! I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I am totally not stopping there. I will not take this off my erm... picks list? I really don't know what you call it here. I don't get online much and this is the first book I have read here. But yeah, I'll just call it picks list :]

Not taking it off. Off to read now.

Anna,
xoxoxo

What a mixture of high Gothic and complete naturalism ... where are we going here? In Ch 1 we wonder ... is it Amberlyn who is to be a therianthrope? From what animal will the non-human part come?
By Ch 2 we feel that maybe it isn't to be Amber ... as she has now become.
Chapters one, two and three seem so very different that they might have come from three different books ...
But one does want to read on ...
RT

A very heart-wrenching start, and then we meet Amber and are able to delve into her heart and emotions as she grapples with her desire for independence - to live her own life - it was easy to picture your characters and the dilemmas they face - must read more - looking forward to the vampires ! Backed with best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

hi Rox

this is amazing stuff - it is type of book that once you start you cannot put it down - and those ours are so captivating. just draws the reader in. I'm hungry for more words -
Keep up the good writing.

luv lali

Hi Roxanne, you owned me by the first line of your synopsis. Then you carried me away into your journey and I didn't want to leave the path. Good structure, terrific flow. Nicely done. :-)

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london (love your own comments! thank you)

DRAMATIC! Wow, and I thought I had a tough birth or two. My one comment is to watch any wordiness, something easily cleaned up in final edits. Like two adverbs or adjectives where one would do. Best of luck as you write the trilogy.

You provide an outstanding story with an intelligent plot and fascinating characters. Rich imagery. Polished writing. Backed.

Roxanne, what a great novel—it is gripping and enjoyable. This is my kind of book. The writing is compelling and by the end of chapter one I wanted more. The language is precise and it gave me a sense of atmosphere. The story has many little gems planted throughout the book—appealing
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Roxanne,
I have to say from beginning to end (of what you posted) your story is both intriguing and suspenceful. You keep to reader wanting to continue to the next page to see what would happen next. I believe this will do well with other YA and Adult readers.
Will you be posting more or leaving the story end here? Hope there will be more.
Best of Luck
Amy J
A RISING MOON

sup. Lenora was a brave and strong woman. I'm wondering about the blood problem though. where she was bleeding todeath. was wondering like what exactly was wrong? idk, question wont leave me. Carmine, is he a werewolf, i was looking at cover and pitch, and from the way he acts, i just dont see a vampire/ Werewvoles are usually more noble and hearty in storeis. Vamps usually have the temper, more wild, and idk, the way the act and speak in most stories. Rash might be the word. Other than that, those questions, this is a good story. I cant fnd anythign i wont to makr a mark on, and theirs nothing i can comment on towards storyline. Later. Backed

Backed. We love all things Vampire.
CC Brown
Dark Side

intriguing piece of vampire fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror