Straight-A Flunky

I misread your pitch the first time and thought the girl was 'trying' to flunk out of school for some reason and that was why I picked your book to read, because it was different. Then I reread the pitch before reading the first few chapters and saw I was wrong. Problem is I wasn't wearing my glasses the first time. Okay, so I read the first three chapters and here is what I think:

A book about school bullying is a great idea. But I felt like you were 'telling' me what happened as opposed to 'showing' me in the first two chapters. You seemed to hit your stride in chapter three and that was when I started feeling bad for the main character. Until then, I just didn't connect with her because it seemed a little rushed and I was being told about this and that happening in school. It just went to fast for me. Also, I wasn't crazy about the way it started. The short talking scene didn't exactly draw me in and make me want to read more. I have a VERY short attention span, probably worse than some children, so I need to be sucked in fast or I don't want to keep reading. On the up side, your dialogue was good and the bullying scenes were spot-on. In fact the part about the girls talking about her and snickering reminded me of my school days.

Anyway, this is just my opinion. You can ignore it if others aren't telling you the same thing. Overall you did a good job. It just needs a bit more work before it lands on the editor's desk.

Hi Bethany!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

Bethany is a determined little girl. I found it difficult to believe that her mum didn't press her to find out why she was crying when she left the gymn. However the rest of it was very believable. I am sure that it will appeal to youngsters aged 10-11 years especially. Regards, Anne

I read this straight through. It is wonderful. Bethany has persistance and that get's her through the meaness of the other girls. I hope you are considering a series. Well written.

Dear Bethany
Just wanted to say again about your
book cover, love it and the long pitch for sure.
I still have not read all your book just so you know
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Good book. There are a lot of 5th through 8th grade girls who are having self esteem problems. Perhaps the book can help some of them.

I backed your book even though I think there could be some technical improvements. You have dialogue embedded within your paragraphs. This makes it more difficult to read. Most authors put each piece of dialogue in a separate paragraph. You can work some action in with each piece of dialogue.

Reynold (Dognapped)

I love the title of this book! Beyond that, the reader finds a touching story in which many kids will see themselves. Good luck with it! Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Unfortunately, in real life, kids are mean. You have captured this reality skillfully in your book. I love the comment about returning to school with "the wrong clothes, the wrong interests, the wrong hair, the wrong skills, the wrong body." What kid hasn't felt or witnessed that pain growing up? This is a great way of showing young people that life isn't always fair, but it can be survived. Well written and the characters are easy to like and identify with.

D.E. LaRiviere (AKA Milo Saint) Six of One

Oh my, this is an ideal book for my 10 year-old daughter! In fact, I'm going to let her have my laptop for a while this evening and have a read. Hopefully she won't just go on Facebook at chat with friends. ; )

Very well done -- and very helpful for kids struggling with bullies, as well as for bullies who need to see how they negative impact the lives of their peers.

Backed! (Or will be in moment; I must first clear some shelf space.)

-g
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

You have done an excellent job in building Bethany"s character. Your book has a good flow to it and the dialogue is perfect for the age group. Your story is one that many kids can relate to and your descriptive writing style helps ensure that your work will have a broad appeal with the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning
.

An excellent YA addition, with a fantastic style and narrative voice that pulls the reader in, no matter what their age. Brilliantly done, the prose seems polished and you're dealing with topical and relevant issues.

Very good work, and backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Straight-A flunky, a brilliantly titled novel seems pitched perfectly to its audience.
Your highly readable style allows the reader to quickly gain a hold on of Bethany's character.
You are also quick to get the reader on side for all of her trials and tribulations.
I hope your book finds the audience which will really benefit from it.
Backed with pleasure,
David
Bailey of the Saints

Hi Bethany, Bethany is an appealing character in that she wants to take on challenges yet she’s haunted with an esteem problem. Her expression of this has charm. I enjoyed reading about her gymnastics class; it’s keenly written for the age and is visual. I can imagine kids would like this especially since many have that fear of failure. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

HI Bethany. Bullying is such an issue and the more written on it the better. The fact Bethany is having a hard time comes through clearly and also her initial lack of confidence. Even when she gets something right, like the spelling test, she feels the resentment from the others. She is a character alot of children and young adults will relate to or recognise and hopefully feel inspired by. Backed and best of luck! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

This book almost hurts to read. You bring the plight of young girl's angst at the hands of mean girls to life. I can feel her pain, having been the brunt of some mean girl's jokes about being overweight as a young girl.

Great YA story and happily backed
Denise

This is perfect for your target audience. I loved it as well and I wish you the very best with it, good luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I can see there being a huge market for this. Dealing with very important themes, I felt that you really spoke well to your target audience. Bethany is a great character and you can really feel for her. The scenes with the parents work very well and overall I think this is one of the finer children's books on the site. As a fellow writer for children, I salute you.
Carl
The Time Hunters

A real girly-type read...with illustrations perhaps? Adolescent girls thrive on this I believe so good luck to you
Stewart

Bethany is charming and sweet. I like the book and believes it is perfect for children. The strict, yet compassionate parents gives it a refreshing polish so unlike the fantasy and horror stuff i read all the time.
Flows nicely and is well written

Lovely and happy to back.

What a change for YA to have an ordinary human like themselves to read about. They must be as fed up of shape-shifters as I am.
I say 'ordinary human' though your characterisation is far from ordinary. There's a down-to-earth quality, and a subject which many will be eager to read about and relieved that they are not isolated victims.
Still, this is no dry self-help book. It has all the understanding and escapism of an excellent novel. Backed. lynn

Excellent progression of child's increasing self-consciousness and self-doubt amidst taunts of classmates. Very realistic depiction of MC's realization that she was not cut out to be a gymnast. Great hook with threat of repeating the fifth grade because of absences. Backed yesterday. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Bethany, I loved your pitch and also the book as a whole. I thought the first chapter especially chapter 1 could have been tighter "nobody else wore dresses, though, and although the sun had been out for a few days etc. this sentence could have been tighter, like just read it out loud to yourself. I really want this book to succeed as I know how much llove and time it takes. I am really enjoying the read though I have not read it all yet. Just wanted to say SHELVED by me.

Would you take the time to read some of my book and give me your feedback. All comments are always welcome, one can never get too much help. and if you like it please back it.
BACKED
BEST OF LUCK
Denise

The two things (among many) I like most about this book are: (1) the dramatic tension in the first chapter (as far as I've read so far), in the pitch, and even in the title, and (2) Bethany. You introduce her character masterfully and I found myself rooting for her right away.

This is a great read for your target audience. You have a really good story-telling voice and a premise that covers a topic that sadly appears to be on increase.

Really nicely written.
Happily shelved
Melxxxx
Impeding Justice

STRAIGHT A FLUNKY
This is a timely children’s story because of the accent on school bullying. Bethany is a good main character; she’s likable and sympathetic because she tries so hard at gymnastics but doesn’t seem to be a star. I think schoolagers and young teens will enjoy reading her story (so many of them have also fallen off balance beams) as they want to compare their own story to hers. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

The two chapters I read were well done. I always like it when authors begin their novels with dialogue. Bethany's story is one all kids can relate to and one adults remember as well. My only observation is the lowercase m for Mom. I believe it should be capitalized when Bethany is using it as a proper name. For example, "Be right down, Mom!"

Backed and good luck
Natalie

Welcome aboard, Bethany. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works brilliantly. The long pitch needs to be expanded upon, show more of a mini story arch. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Bethany, I love that your heroine's mom called her, "Pumpkin" - that's precious. :) Your book should help kids want to improve their grades & to know it can be accomplished. :) Hope you'll write many more books. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)