Book Jacket

 

rank 5910
word count 17733
date submitted 08.06.2010
date updated 13.12.2012
genres: Biography, Popular Culture, Harper ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

No stranger to the P45 - Volume One

Dan W.Griffin

Have you ever been compelled to leave the country because a gangster wanted to snap your legs like Twiglets?

 

If you have ever wondered what it would be like to crash a fairground ride, upset the Russian mob, humiliate yourself before millions of people on national television, unintentionally cause thousands of pounds' damage to a McDonalds restaurant, receive a VIP tour of The Whitehouse, be Santa Claus, 'accidentally' commit an armed robbery, be pursued by the paparazzi, buy a crane, get mugged in Paris by a gorilla-penguin, escape an assassination attempt, make weaponised plutonium or be normal... then you're no longer alone.
Welcome to my world.
Welcome to No stranger to the P45.

 
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tags

, alien, andy mcnab, bizarre, business, career, chav, chicken, crime, delusion, ferrari, gangster, girls, hollywood, humor, humour, jobs, lobster, sel...

on 18 watchlists

40 comments

 

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Cathy Hardy wrote 490 days ago

This is so clever and a real page turner. Top stars!!

Cathy

Anthony Brady wrote 1389 days ago

NO STRANGER TO THE P45 by Dan W. Griffin.

Dan - You are a natural born script writer. What a wealth of fresh material is here and ready made for a sparkling TV series. There's brilliant situational knockabout action and scintillating dialogue. Superb quick-fire sketches and graphic portrayals of a host of disparate and real life characters. Action packed throughout and an exhilarating read that - in 6 short Chapters - all too soon comes to an end. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Famlavan wrote 1393 days ago

This is great, could easily loose a day or two reading books like this!
You have a brilliant voice and the character you allow to shine through is very, very funny. Think you have done great job with this. – Good luck!

Kipper wrote 1400 days ago

Hi Dan,
I want to live in Danland.... well not really as it is pretty foul but you have a wicked sense of humour, which is excellent and as you yourself say, this is an easy read. I can see this on many a bookshelf in a shop and also on my own at home.
Backed
Kipper

drachat wrote 1401 days ago

Hi Dan,

You are very funny! I love your sense of humor. Did you really go through all of this? BTW, Bath is one of my favorite cities, fabulous. I didn't experience what you did there, but still great nonetheless. I'm not sure if I would have eaten chicken after your first fiasco but, then again, it was one day.


Love your book and would happily purchase it.

Backed with pleasure
Denise

Would you mind taking a look at "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon"?

quackers wrote 1401 days ago

Hi Dan, attracted by the blurb. Your work didn’t fail as well. Found it fascinating and happy to back.

klouholmes wrote 1402 days ago

Hi Dan, Not only does the disturbing job make for compelling reading, the perspective takes the awful edge off the chicken factory job. It’s nearly amusing, especially since the narrator is so close to leaving. The style is very smooth and it has good transitions. And the poetry caps it – there’s nothing like walking off the job! Even if this job has horror appeal, I can see how this narrator will make any job interesting and the synopsis promises some fascinating reading. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

SusieGulick wrote 1402 days ago

Dear Dan, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Julia Rhodes wrote 1402 days ago

No Stranger to the P45 - what a fascinating title and one that I am sure a lot of people will be able to relate to.
It is a collection of very well written, amuzing 'adventures' that read very well.
I enjoyed it grately and found it very funny.
Very well done and I wish you every success with it.

A Knight wrote 1402 days ago

This is fabulously funny and approachable to anyone who's done the nine to five. The voice and style are unqieu and engaging, and this is a delightful read.

Brilliant work, and backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Erin Adler wrote 1403 days ago

I liked your blurb and your narrative delivers on its promise. Engaging narratorial voice and love the poem at the end.
Erin Adler (Bad Seduction) x

Dean E Brown wrote 1403 days ago

I'm old enough to understand how to laugh at myself. Your way of doing the twisted thinking cha-cha is great. Love the chapters you have put up here.

Thanks for sharing.

Owen Quinn wrote 1404 days ago

You take the ordinary and send it through a prism to look at it a different way. There is plenty of rye commentary here which reminds me of Billy connolly. backed with pleasure.

Nick Spalding wrote 1404 days ago

Excellent stuff.

It's nice to find a fellow biographer who can make the mundane seem funny.

I firmly believe everybody's lives can make an entertaining read and you can find humour everywhere if you look hard enough.

Nick

LeClerc wrote 1406 days ago

Love the pitch and can'y wait to get my visa for Danland.

Shelved

Phil
Danny Murphy

Strayer wrote 1406 days ago

Your attitude toward awful jobs is to be commended. You were willing to try and find out how things went. You wrote this so well that it read very easily. Good luck with the book and I hope to see it in bookstores.

mariecapri wrote 1406 days ago

Hi Dan. What can I say. Totally engaging, hillarious and action packed. I think your writing is good and you voice this so well. There is not one boring moment in the text. I guess that's because there hasn't been one boring moment in Danland. Backed and best of luck with this! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

stoatsnest wrote 1407 days ago

Hmm - was this worse than packing smarties? So boring I volunteered to go on to quick dissolving jellies. Great stuff. Backed.

Kidd1 wrote 1407 days ago

Biography? Yikes, what a life...!! How could I not back something so bizarre that makes fiction look like over the top. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

gotiko wrote 1407 days ago

The pitch introduces a book that promises excitements.
Backed. Good luck with it.

Gabriel (It Goes On Forever.)

DP Walker wrote 1407 days ago

Hi Dan
Crazy and bizarre but very clever. I imagine it will not be a book for everyone, but I for one, loved it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Lulubanks wrote 1407 days ago

Hilarious...beautifully written..well done

mvw888 wrote 1408 days ago

You have a punchy, engaging style, a great memory for detail, and strange and funny stories to tell. This is an original work for certain. I'm not sure how it will hold up in novel-length, but the first three chapters didn't lag at all. Great job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

yasmin esack wrote 1408 days ago

Great writing. Your talent is obvious. Interesting story and you manage to bring out all the emotions and agony of working in a chicken processing plant well.

Expert workmanship.

backed

julie theron wrote 1409 days ago

absolutely fab could not stop laughing and had to read it aloud to my friends....which is a first...crazy,crazy life but really lived to the full!!!

Jonny C wrote 1409 days ago

Perhaps the aching is my sides.... Dan W. Griffin, this is without doubt one of the funniest and most entertaining pieces I've read in a very long time. Is your life for real? I guess it has to be, you just couldn't make this stuff up!

Your style and engaging narrative is a joy to read, you’ve had me in your world now for the last half hour and I truly don’t want to return to my own… Like a sledgehammer of prosaic abuse wrapped in the cotton tissue of whimsy and self-deprication, your Chicken exploits and your fruitless labours sum up what for many is the dark underbelly they call under-achievement. Or is that the dampened spirit of entrepreneurialism…?

Whichever, I loved it. Pass the word on!

cutley wrote 1409 days ago

This is just a new service I am providing to new members of Authonomy. It is not a request for backings.

When a new book is posted by someone who hasn't posted a book here before, it will have a ranking of round about 5,000. Within half an hour or so, it will be up in the 2,000s. That happens because there is a group of people (they have high talent spotting ranking) whose sole job it is to back new books. They are not required to read them, and generally do not. But they perform a useful function in ensuring that every newcomer's book rises from the bottom of the pile to about the middle.

The next stage is far more difficult. Many new authors fall by the wayside. They are pleased by the initial meteoric rise and assume they need do nothing. As the days pass, their books begin to fall down the rankings again. Some leap into action (see below). But others lose interest and disappear.

Those who wish to get their books higher up the charts have to draw attention to their work. But the important first step is to acquire a talent spotting ranking. It doesn't have to be very high, but remaining unranked is a mistake. Others are unlikely to bother with a book by an unranked talent spotter because they will reckon he or she will not bother to return the read (and being backed by an unranked author adds practically no points to a book). So, you need to back a few books. You can, of course, emulate the top talent spotters and just go to the new authors section and back their books without reading them. On the whole, I think, that is a mistake. You would be better advised to set aside the occasional hour here and there and use it for reading books on the site. Read two or three chapters (more if you wish to) and, if you like what you have read, back the book (put it on your shelf). More importantly, write an intelligent comment on the book. Try to avoid creative writing class jargon (saying "you need to show more and tell less" about every book is generally not helpful). Comments don't have to be all negative. If there is something about a book which you particularly admire, explain what it is. But, if there is something that grates, do say so (politely if possible). Don't rush, at least in the first instance, to remove books from your shelf and replace them with others. At this stage, you need your talent spotting ranking to rise and that will only happen if others back the books on your shelf while they are still there.

Once you have demonstrated that you are the sort of person who reads, comments on and backs other books, you can start pushing your own more energetically. This is where things get controversial. A practice has grown up which is called "spamming". This involves sending out messages to all and sundry asking them to read your book in return for a promise that you will return the read. It is not an attractive practice, but many consider it essential. I don't think it is (many books have got to the top without the aid of spamming - I certainly never spammed anyone). A nicer way of doing things is to continue reading other books, commenting on them and backing them if you like them. Active members of the site will be likely to return the reads and, if they like your book, to back it. When someone whose book you have not read backs yours (I don't mean the initial top talent spotters who won't actually have read any of yours), try to find the time to return the read.

You can also make use of the forum. Straight plugging of your book may not achieve all that much (people are getting a little bored by that), but intelligent, witty, informative posts (which can certainly make the occasional reference to your book) will get you known and people, out of curiosity, will click on your name to see what you have written.

Although you will come across some people who sneer at the top twenty or so books, saying they only got there by spamming etc, I think you will find that the ones which rise that high are generally pretty good (there is the odd exception such as my own book). So doing your best to make your book really good is an essential ingredient of success on the site. If others make sensible suggestions for improvements, do consider them and, if you are persuaded, make the necessary changes.

All this takes time (certainly measured in months rather than weeks). But a good book, plugged properly, stands every chance of getting to the top.

I hope all that makes sense.

Charles

mclevin wrote 1409 days ago

The funniest non-fiction citizen in Authonomyland. Easily.

Thanks for moving in and freshening up the air around here.

Backed while laughing,

-g
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

January wrote 1409 days ago

You got my attention! Backed with pleasure,
January
FOREVER MAN

dalar1 wrote 1409 days ago

Brilliantly written with an astounding array of inside knowledge. How could all of this fit into one lifetime, or for that matter one book? Incredibly fun and witty.

D.E. LaRiviere (AKA Milo Saint) "Six of One" and "The Hand of Cain"

lynn clayton wrote 1409 days ago

To think I nearly didn't read this because of the small text. It's brilliant and hilarious but I wouldn't like to be the butt of your wit. Great pitch. Backed. Lynn

Melcom wrote 1409 days ago

Exceptionally funny, you certainly have a way with words.

Be daft not to shelve you and your crazy book.

Melxxx
Impeding Justice

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1409 days ago

Sneaky, sneaky! You come in the guise of one who knows the secrets of employment and then cause us to mysteriously spill coffee on our keyboards whilst reading you. Begone! (As soon as you have posted the rest mate) Very nicely done, smooth and subtle. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-How Mean is my Valley)

Barry Wenlock wrote 1409 days ago

Danland is quite some place. Excellent writing and very amusing.
Backed with pleasure,

Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

alison woodward wrote 1410 days ago

this is really good, its funny and entertaining, well done, backed

alison
--who wants to diet anyway?
--legal lies

name falied moderation wrote 1410 days ago

You are kidding me Dan, this is great. Love Love Love the chicken poem, your mind is out there and you are in my mind at the present time, crazy. The thing is will I get you out of my mind now. Great flow and color and vivid. SHELVED for sure. will continue with the read

Would you take the time to read some of my book and give me your feedback. All comments are always welcome, one can never get too much help, and if you like it please back it.
BACKED
BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Burgio wrote 1410 days ago

NO STRANGER
This book is a fun read. Just reading the beginning chapter with the chicken factory would be worth the cost of buying this. I’m sure you’re find a large audience who can relate to the experiences of being a resident tutor (one mental breakdown and a kitchen fire seem like a small price to pay). Overall: a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lizjrnm wrote 1410 days ago

What a romp! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

soutexmex wrote 1410 days ago

Welcome aboard, Dan. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works better if you just say, 'Welcome to Danland'. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SusieGulick wrote 1410 days ago

Dear Dan,I love your chicken poem & all of your escapades - hard to believe all of that happened to you. :) Well, you probably won't believe my memoir either - you had good & bad, & so did I. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

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