Identified

It just seems odd that a family would take in some strange teenager. Based on the other comments, I want to like this, but it isn't grabbing me, sorry.

Near the end of ch 3, the past tense of lie is lay, not lied. As it stands she is fibbing on the bed.

Backed with pleasure
Helen

Read up to where Vanessa met up with Dylan and have to say the story is developing very well!
Very much like the innocence you bring to Vanessa early on it helps build the sense of being in a new place and culture.
I think you have a great idea and a great book here. – Good luck!

Hi Lois. An intriguing story from the start. You have an interesting mix of characters. I liked the invisible tattoo and The Painted Lady. Hope you do well with this enchanting fantasy! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Hi Lois, Imaginative and it has a surreal feeling to the dialogue besides the science fic subject. A sentence at first has a typo that confused – “a combine of yellow and pure white planet.” When Vanessa landed in Washington, I wondered where the Ice Gardener was since he was supposed to go with her? The shape changing and then her being a pleasant-seeming alien on earth is very inviting! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Lois,

I have not read all but what I have read so far, I've enjoyed. My only criticism is that you need to edit a lot more. Then again, I am always told that about my books. None-the-less, backed.

Phil
Danny Murphy

I like the premise of your story and how you cleverly build it. Your character development is excellent and I like your use of the first person narrative and how you deal with feelings and emotions. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

you start this well, to give us the desire toread on. on watchlist...
read SEASONS...

A uniqie read. The charcters are well developed and intriging. C W

thank you . what do u mean by go out to promote?

Ok, seems you listened to the others so I'm taking a different stance, nice start, the Freedom, the painted lady, the glamour, icy, all elements that make you wonder what is going on, who is she, where is she going, what planet, let's go with her and find out. You have a good premise here so don't be disheartened by the criticism, take it for what it is, guides to help you, and your story to shape it from bronze to gold. Keep going, I like this and you should go all out to promote it. good luck

Ok, seems you listened to the others so I'm taking a different stance, nice start, the Freedom, the painted lady, the glamour, icy, all elements that make you wonder what is going on, who is she, where is she going, what planet, let's go with her and find out. You have a good premise here so don't be disheartened by the criticism, take it for what it is, guides to help you, and your story to shape it from bronze to gold. Keep going, I like this and you should go all out to promote it. good luck

"A voiced said" - right in the beginning tends to put the reader off. The premise for this story is intriguing and all it needs is some hard work, which we all hate to do, believe me, I know. Editing is so boring, but unfortunately a must in this business. Don't be discouraged with all these comments - we've all been through this at the beginning of our writing career and it's all well intentioned. Keep at it! Jayne

You need to sort out your font, sweetie. When you upload it hit the EDIT button and not the DELETE button otherwise you will lose your ranking.
Your premsie is good though, needs a little edit here and there but I'm backing the obvious potential here.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Lois,

Other people have already mentioned the need for a grammatical edit, so I won't repeat them. I simply wanted to say that the underlying premise of this is engaging, and well worth support.

Good work!
Abi xxx

I think others have already pointed out the main problem with your text. I am a second language teacher in HK and I recognise the nature of many of your errors...don't worry since these are relatively easy to rectify...I'd be happy to comment further if invited...backed for now
Stewart

I'm afraid I couldn't read your book, the font is too small. So I am doing this having read your pitch- I am going to back it as I feel from your short synopsis that this could be a very good story, if only one could read it.
Take a look at my book, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. Hope you enjoy it and might back. Regards JohnJ

thx for the support .

Lois, congrats on your book. The long pitch makes little sense to me. A suggestion is to read it out loud to someone, as I believe I know what you are trying to say, but I think it is just a case of grammar, that is all. Someone helped me with my pitch and I was so thankful. This pitch is what publishers get to read first , it is your first impression and I do wish you to succeed.. When people read some of your work and give comments, this is the most valuable thing on this site. I do wish you the BEST of luck.....I know my book is a different genre but....If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck. your book is BACKED for sure

Denise
The Letter

Lois, congrats on your book. The long pitch makes little sense to me. A suggestion is to read it out loud to someone, as I believe I know what you are trying to say, but I think it is just a case of grammar, that is all. Someone helped me with my pitch and I was so thankful. This pitch is what publishers get to read first , it is your first impression and I do wish you to succeed.. When people read some of your work and give comments, this is the most valuable thing on this site. I do wish you the BEST of luck.....I know my book is a different genre but....If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck. your book is BACKED for sure

Denise
The Letter

This is not a request for backing. It is simply a new service I am providing for new Authonomy Authors. I hope it's helpful.

When a new book is posted by someone who hasn't posted a book here before, it will have a ranking of round about 5,000. Within half an hour or so, it will be up in the 2,000s. That happens because there is a group of people (they have high talent spotting ranking) whose sole job it is to back new books. They are not required to read them, and generally do not. But they perform a useful function in ensuring that every newcomer's book rises from the bottom of the pile to about the middle.

The next stage is far more difficult. Many new authors fall by the wayside. They are pleased by the initial meteoric rise and assume they need do nothing. As the days pass, their books begin to fall down the rankings again. Some leap into action (see below). But others lose interest and disappear.

Those who wish to get their books higher up the charts have to draw attention to their work. But the important first step is to acquire a talent spotting ranking. It doesn't have to be very high, but remaining unranked is a mistake. Others are unlikely to bother with a book by an unranked talent spotter because they will reckon he or she will not bother to return the read (and being backed by an unranked author adds practically no points to a book). So, you need to back a few books. You can, of course, emulate the top talent spotters and just go to the new authors section and back their books without reading them. On the whole, I think, that is a mistake. You would be better advised to set aside the occasional hour here and there and use it for reading books on the site. Read two or three chapters (more if you wish to) and, if you like what you have read, back the book (put it on your shelf). More importantly, write an intelligent comment on the book. Try to avoid creative writing class jargon (saying "you need to show more and tell less" about every book is generally not helpful). Comments don't have to be all negative. If there is something about a book which you particularly admire, explain what it is. But, if there is something that grates, do say so (politely if possible). Don't rush, at least in the first instance, to remove books from your shelf and replace them with others. At this stage, you need your talent spotting ranking to rise and that will only happen if others back the books on your shelf while they are still there.

Once you have demonstrated that you are the sort of person who reads, comments on and backs other books, you can start pushing your own more energetically. This is where things get controversial. A practice has grown up which is called "spamming". This involves sending out messages to all and sundry asking them to read your book in return for a promise that you will return the read. It is not an attractive practice, but many consider it essential. I don't think it is (many books have got to the top without the aid of spamming - I certainly never spammed anyone). A nicer way of doing things is to continue reading other books, commenting on them and backing them if you like them. Active members of the site will be likely to return the reads and, if they like your book, to back it. When someone whose book you have not read backs yours (I don't mean the initial top talent spotters who won't actually have read any of yours), try to find the time to return the read.

You can also make use of the forum. Straight plugging of your book may not achieve all that much (people are getting a little bored by that), but intelligent, witty, informative posts (which can certainly make the occasional reference to your book) will get you known and people, out of curiosity, will click on your name to see what you have written.

Although you will come across some people who sneer at the top twenty or so books, saying they only got there by spamming etc, I think you will find that the ones which rise that high are generally pretty good (there is the odd exception such as my own book). So doing your best to make your book really good is an essential ingredient of success on the site. If others make sensible suggestions for improvements, do consider them and, if you are persuaded, make the necessary changes.

All this takes time (certainly measured in months rather than weeks). But a good book, plugged properly, stands every chance of getting to the top.

I hope all that makes sense.

Charles

IDENTIFIED
This book has an intriguing pitch (check your grammar; should be “she has to go on”, not “she have to go on.” I like the simplicity of your writing style. So many fantasy stories begin with a character suddenly plunged into a new world; here, you allow your main character to take in her new world slowly – so a reader has the luxury of doing that as well. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Lois,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

This is an excellent start - especially in light of English as your second language. You are certainly on your way with a compelling premise. backed

liz
The Cheech Room

Welcome aboard, Lois. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works better if you just use the firtst sentence. The long pitch needs to be expanded upon, give more of a mini story arch. Also end it with a question so it piques the interest of your casual reader. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Lois,

This is a very good effort. You are doing a good job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
As an author friend said to me once, read, read read! Learn how others put it all together. This site is great for that.
I've helped you with your pitch (Please ignore if you wish):

'I'm ready' said Vanessa.
How many teens would be so sure of their future? How many of them would risk it ? Well, she does.


Vanessa is only the name she uses. The truth is, she's on a mission. A mission unknown. She thinks it's going to end, but it's only the beginning.
Once she starts her new life, she can't go back. Not knowing what's waiting for her in the future, she has to go on. But how?

And once she knows where to go, her life is threatened.
By the way, you will never know her identity until you win her trust.

BACKED!

With best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Thank you . Support is needed a lot .

Dear Lois, I love how you did the font - you have made this such a fast read - & was a feat you have given your heroine. :) Your pitch is very well done. :) Your short paragraphs & lots of dialogue made me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

authonomy quotes:
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

o im sorry. im chinese. im just trying to publish a book and learn more about writing . thanks so much for your comment.

This needs some editing for some very basic mistakes, it is almost as if English is not your first language. not adapt (to) the weather here.
A voiced said (A voice asked?)
Your journey is now begin (Will now begin?)
Footsteps was (were?) coming.
The plot is worth working on and I am sure there is potential here. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-How Mean is my Valley)