Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Dear Johanna, I'm so glad that I stumbled across your book, is was breathtaking, trying to absorb the fascinating story, which was written with such obvious passion and purpose. Your descriptive tempo is almost trance like itself! I was lost in your words, waiting with baited breath for you to reveal the next part of your, almost puissant experience. The pleasure of reading such a recherche of words that reminds us of the hardships we can face, even when we think we have it all. Such a personal and brave decision to deliver such a story, deserves recognition. Best wishes Johanna and good luck with your book. I'd be interested tot talk to you more about your experience. So keep in touch, until we meet again. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

I was totally absorbed by the narrative. You write so well that I read the 7 chapters. Your initiation of the seven powers is so beautifully integrated to your material life (with all the doubt,questioning and fear normally associated with such a destabilizing experience) that it provides credibility to your trances / visions. This is a major accomplishment, because you've turned what at first glance seems simplistic into something very believable. Your writing skills have a lot to do with this.

The 3 friends are an excellent bouncing wall for your thoughts. Starting the book with your adaptation to a new country, and the marital problems makes it easy for the reader to relate to your soulquest. You appear as a "normal" person.

Bravo!

Miguel
Absentee Bidder

MASTER AND THE GREEN EYED HOPE by Joanna Kern.

Joanna - The transformative moment, when all is revealed, has its roots in human experience and literature as far back as the Greeks: Archimedes in his bath and Eureka! Paul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus, the Christ bereft disciples falling into step and conversation with a stranger on the road to Emmaus, who turns out to be their risen Master and Christian in The Pilgrim's Progress. The connecting link in these described events is Inspiration preluding discovery. In four Chapters you encapsulate your own (no turning back phenomenon) and due to your literary skills - communicate it in such a way that the reader feels directly involved in what has happened to you. What is more important, you engage your reader in such a way they feel that the experience, and developing its continuing effect, is not exclusive. You set out a formula for sharing the spiritual awareness you have garnered with others. This is the strength of your narrative: it simply flows from the page and the reader feels if only this could be siphoned off into some precious container, a priceless elixir is theirs to cherish and command. There is a craving hunger in wider society for the wisdom you communicate and a genuine seeking to adapt its messages to personal spiritual and temporal development. I am confident that your book will find the widest possible readership through publishing: its already well received readership on Authonomy and critical acclaim is a clear message to HC's editors that a quality work of oustanding appeal is here. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Hi Joanna,
I have just finished reading the first chapter of this amazing, intelligent, and well written piece of work. Wow !!! I'm not quite sure whether its appropriate for me to to comment on anything other than my admiration toward your outstanding talent, whatsoever, I am so humbled by your writing.

The story was so unique, the experience of leaving your body behind and transcending into another realm of existence, so beautifully and articulately expressed. Your marriage, and childbirth portrayed in the same breath, and sadly the impending separation. You handled your writing with majestic impact, that only the reader can fully comprehend.

Yours is one of the most professional pieces of writing, to date, I have read on this site, Joanne, truly and honestly. I found your pros sharp, powerful and emotionally alive, and I believe that the "Master and The Green Eyed Hope", has great potential.

I'm betting my life that this book shall reach the ED so swiftly, in fact, it shall be published and published well.
It genuinely took my breath away.

Your an amazing writer, and thank you for allowing me to experience such an enchanting ride. I will of course come back to read the remaining chapters when time permits.

Sincerely (and most humbly)
Helen

Dear Johanna,

The Master and The Green Eyed Hope, is a profound powerful story that has left an imprint in my mind. What an excellent writer your are. Crystal clear, pristine writing that flows easily read, and draws the reader into its trance. Your story is very innovative, original, and thought provoking.

Its seems that the master in your case, is a being, although I'm not sure who that being represents. For most people, I guess they would call him God. I think you are describing the power of the mind and how this power can be the God that we all hope will enlighten us, and teach us how to believe in ourselves, that old familiar tone, of love thyself. I'm thinking this is where you are coming from, and it is remarkably interesting. Forgive me if my interpretation is somewhat different than yours.

I especially enjoyed the second chapter, you gave him/her a name Rami Yata, and how the trance instilled within you a desire to become confident and ready to embrace all the values each of us need for survival. That you endeavored to purchase canvas to paint your idealism, yet in fact you tripped and somehow the canvas was broken. In comes Santa Claus, which you describe at first sight as the devil. Wow !!!! what an imagination you have.

The progress of matter is the power which creates the world, together with the progress of the spirit, and in the same text, your old friend insecurity is mentioned. Very profound, very thought provoking sentences.

This book has great potential to become a best seller, or a self help, love thyself principle, and concentrate on the power of the mind to uplift the spirit and promote a healthy outcome.

I was recommended to this book by Helen, and I can honestly say, I'm very glad I read on. One thing I feel is extremely important to point out, is that your work is so refined, and polished, it is a breeze to read, and easy to follow.

It almost made me want to take a break from life, and go into a trance in order to find a world of such positive energy as you describe in your chapters.

Congratulations on a fine piece of writing Johanna. I'm certainly glad to have backed it, and wish you all the very best of luck, although I strongly doubt you will need it.

Liz

Dear Joasia,

you know already my thoughts about your book, but to support you also here, I would like to say once again that it's a wonderful book - honest, weise, insightful, intelligent. Your beautiful personality shines from the pages, and so does your sense of humor.

Thank you for sharing your amazing story here. I truly loved to read the three first chapters and can't wait for the rest :-) So I keep my fingers crossed that "Master and the Green-Eyed Hope" will be published one day and I am sure, that it will become a success then.

Last, but not least, thank you for you - it's a privilegium to got to know you.

With Lots of Love
- Agunia

What a good adventure book. I loved how you put some humor in there as well. Very well written!

I'm totally gob-smacked! Surprised at the fact, that I can actually understand a little of what is happening, as I read. Yet I don't know how!
A sort of truth seems evident here.
I hope this gets published. I would buy it.
starred.

Sounds interesting. First few minutes on Authonomy and this might be my first I read.

hello Johanna 'Master and the green-eyed hope'

i backed this brilliant book of your some months,
Now back to give it the six stars that i fully deserves;
It is one heck of a read, i had read many chapters before and again now i have read chunks.
i have no doubt that you have a winner and it will in Authonomy time or hopefully less it will be published
gpood luck
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

Johanna - Master of the Green-Eyed Hope is stunning and I have backed you with stunning stars - shall continue to read of course, definitely addictive stuff. Well done. Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Johanna - Master of the Green-Eyed Hope is stunning and I have backed you with stunning stars - shall continue to read of course, definitely addictive stuff. Well done. Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Johanna - Master and the Green-Eyed Hope - I have just started reading and can't wait to back you with stars and wish you the very best of luck - but you have authority and fluency in your writing so you don't really need luck! Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

hi Johanna ' Master and the green-eyed hope

i backed your book some 156 days ago now, would you believe, and back in again to give it the six star rating that it truly deserves , it is one of the better books on this site and deserves to be published.
the high ranking of 86 also well deserved and it will go to the top'
of that i have no doubt , good luck
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

hi Johanna ' Master and the green-eyed hope

i backed your book some 156 days ago now, would you believe, and back in again to give it the six star rating that it truly deserves , it is one of the better books on this site and deserves to be published.
the high ranking of 86 also well deserved and it will go to the top'
of that i have no doubt , good luck
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

Truly an accomplishment in the sense that you take an ovewhelmingly emotional topic an dmake it accessible. And what a rare adventure. As you make clear, its not easy to get what we all secretly wish for - access to the divine. What after all do we do with it? I and all yor othr readrs ar dying to fnd out, so please hurry up and finish!

Hello Johanna, I have just read four chapters of your wonderful writing. It reads like total fiction and yet it is classified as Non-Fiction. WOW! I am totally amazed, absorbed, enlightened and...so many things. If this was on a book shelf, I would buy it: it is that good. I have no hesitation in backing this and wishing you the best of good luck in finding a publisher for it. Starred highly.
I would be grateful if you would take a look at my story PAPER DREAMS, please.
Best wishes to you.

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM

I enjoyed reading this thoughtful novel and appreciated its originality. however, I am not sure whether there is enough tension in the plot for many readers. It may be that your target audience is limited. I've starred you and kept your book on my WL. Good luck. Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

Amazing book, I cannot wait for it to come out. I'll buy it right away!

Johanna, I am impressed and delighted to see your story unfolding here. That simple truth, that often enlightenment is given to those who are not looking while bypassing those who most desire it is seldom presented. I wish you all the success in the world with this.
Tamarra

K N Gee,

Once again - thank you so much! I will see how I can further improve my work :)

Johanna

Johanna,
Chpt 2 "The Student"

*"I felt a heavy sadness, and tears filled up my eyes." _I wouldnt use "up" here.

*"I was washing off my tears." ??_Maybe try - I was trying to drown my tears when the phone rang.

*You need a smoother transition between decor of resuraunt and the moustache waiter.

*Do you know how serious it is?" _ this is...

*I would give a bit more depth to Johns character (before Johanna tells him of the Master) reveal how he has been seeking 'guidence', otherwise it seems too odd or unreal, he seems to know what shes talking about too easily.

* "you hear me?"_ Sounds out of place.

* I like this chpt I like that she has found someone to help her figure things out. But i think giving the details about Jonhs meditatio and journey first, would build up his character and let the reader know why he is so open to Johanna's encounter.
As always...just thought to ponder and my personal opinion.
Always
K N Gee

Johanna,
Chpt 2 "The Student"

*"I felt a heavy sadness, and tears filled up my eyes." _I wouldnt use "up" here.

*"I was washing off my tears." ??_Maybe try - I was trying to drown my tears when the phone rang.

*You need a smoother transition between decor of resuraunt and the moustache waiter.

*Do you know how serious it is?" _ this is...

*I would give a bit more depth to Johns character (before Johanna tells him of the Master) reveal how he has been seeking 'guidence', otherwise it seems too odd or unreal, he seems to know what shes talking about too easily.

* "you hear me?"_ Sounds out of place.

* I like this chpt I like that she has found someone to help her figure things out. But i think giving the details about Jonhs meditatio and journey first, would build up his character and let the reader know why he is so open to Johanna's encounter.
As always...just thought to ponder and my personal opinion.
Always
K N Gee

Thank you K N Gee,

beautiful of you to give me so much feedback! I am grateful for the time you have taken and given me so much wonderful tips! I will look into all that you have suggested and see what I can improve.

Wonderful of you!

Johanna

Johanna,

This is book is very original...I began reading and found that I had to know more. But I dont like to go on and on about the good stuff because most people write about that anyway...SO i like to give constuctive critisim when I can...cause that's how we learn!

*I didnt like him that much- (I think you should put I didnt like him that much then...since you are talking from a point of when you get married)
*When you talk about not liking the girls around him...maybe word it a little differently...it makes you sound interested which you werent then...maybe something like * with all the girls clinging around him contantstantly only reinforced ect*

*For me personally...I felt the re-cap of her life was rushed. The quick synopsis of her college years, marriage, and son being born. I felt that was key to understanding the character but maybe a little drawn out. If some points are not as important as others I would watch putting them in.

*In the chapter where she meets the monks in her special place and they give her, her gift. When you talk about 'the sent them to me. Just like that!' Then go on to sya they started entering me. This seemed choppy maybe smooth out the transistion from the monks giving you the energy balls and you recieveing them.

*I love the way your character talks to herself, its like telling yourself your nuts and then doing it anyway. One thing though...When she goes and finds all of this crazy stuff and its blown off by curiosity...I would think she would be a little more hesitant. It jsut didnt seem quite as belieable to me. There is a mysterious man and she thinks she has gone crazy but then she is curious and doesnt mind that she is in another time or place.

*Her spliting with her husband came as a total shock to me...I dont know if that is what you had planned but maybe hint to some troubles before you get to the point of calling it quits.

*WHen the 'Master' is explaining the 'Seven' to her it is odd. She guess's and know before he has explained anything. Maybe give him a more superior time to talk. Let him explain more before she takes a guess at diciphering everything.

*I liked the way the first chapter ended with a lot of questions...the last few paragraphs seemed the most real to me, with your character confused and wondering...

Please take all of this with a grain of salt, it is only me personal opinion. I am very bad at grammer so was not able to adequetly supply you with gramatic errors I found (If there were any) but I like checking the flow of the book.. There is a lot of information in the first bit of this book and I feel that it was handled relativly well. I hope what I wrote will help.
K N Gee

Johanna,

This is book is very original...I began reading and found that I had to know more. But I dont like to go on and on about the good stuff because most people write about that anyway...SO i like to give constuctive critisim when I can...cause that's how we learn!

*I didnt like him that much- (I think you should put I didnt like him that much then...since you are talking from a point of when you get married)
*When you talk about not liking the girls around him...maybe word it a little differently...it makes you sound interested which you werent then...maybe something like * with all the girls clinging around him contantstantly only reinforced ect*

*For me personally...I felt the re-cap of her life was rushed. The quick synopsis of her college years, marriage, and son being born. I felt that was key to understanding the character but maybe a little drawn out. If some points are not as important as others I would watch putting them in.

*In the chapter where she meets the monks in her special place and they give her, her gift. When you talk about 'the sent them to me. Just like that!' Then go on to sya they started entering me. This seemed choppy maybe smooth out the transistion from the monks giving you the energy balls and you recieveing them.

*I love the way your character talks to herself, its like telling yourself your nuts and then doing it anyway. One thing though...When she goes and finds all of this crazy stuff and its blown off by curiosity...I would think she would be a little more hesitant. It jsut didnt seem quite as belieable to me. There is a mysterious man and she thinks she has gone crazy but then she is curious and doesnt mind that she is in another time or place.

*Her spliting with her husband came as a total shock to me...I dont know if that is what you had planned but maybe hint to some troubles before you get to the point of calling it quits.

*WHen the 'Master' is explaining the 'Seven' to her it is odd. She guess's and know before he has explained anything. Maybe give him a more superior time to talk. Let him explain more before she takes a guess at diciphering everything.

*I liked the way the first chapter ended with a lot of questions...the last few paragraphs seemed the most real to me, with your character confused and wondering...

Please take all of this with a grain of salt, it is only me personal opinion. I am very bad at grammer so was not able to adequetly supply you with gramatic errors I found (If there were any) but I like checking the flow of the book.. There is a lot of information in the first bit of this book and I feel that it was handled relativly well. I hope what I wrote will help.
K N Gee

What an amazing book! Brilliantly written and with such honesty, you will be published I'm sure. Good luck, Sue Harries ''It's a Dogs Life''

What an amazing book! Brilliantly written, will back and ****** with out doubt. Sue Harries ''It's a Dogs Life''

Dear Johanna, I'm so glad that I stumbled across your book, is was breathtaking, trying to absorb the fascinating story, which was written with such obvious passion and purpose. Your descriptive tempo is almost trance like itself! I was lost in your words, waiting with baited breath for you to reveal the next part of your, almost puissant experience. The pleasure of reading such a recherche of words that reminds us of the hardships we can face, even when we think we have it all. Such a personal and brave decision to deliver such a story, deserves recognition. Best wishes Johanna and good luck with your book. I'd be interested tot talk to you more about your experience. So keep in touch, until we meet again. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Dear Johanna,
I read your bio, your pitches, and most of what you have posted. You are truly a gifted person, one with many,many talents, and accomplishments. I applaud your quest to discover yourself, to shed the beliefs inflicted on you by previous generations. Your story is an amazing story and also it is an amazing metaphor of changing ones beliefs. You are brilliant and creative. I find it most difficult to believe you are not a native born speaker of English. I would buy your book just to hear more of your amazing story. Best of luck.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Johanna,

Your book is thrilling and masterfully written. Your slow and deliberate disclosure of the Powers allowed the message to sink -in.

Thanks for sharing such a personal and beautiful experience. It's a gift to humankind.

Mike Ward -- The Mystical Odyssey of a Redneck from Texas

Very interesting... ***** rated

Lizzi,

Thank you for your beautiful comment :) Very kind of you!

No, I had no knowledge or any previous interest in the topics described in my story. I was taken by surprise, and given new insights into my own life and purpose, as well as psychology, philosophy, quantum physics, religion, and more.

I told the story as it had happened to me, only recording what I had experienced and learned.

I do not claim to be a spiritual teacher or a psychic of any sort. I am a regular person, a filmmaker with great passion and love for what I do (making films).

Thank you, Lizzi, for your kind words and support:) All the very best to you!

Johanna Kern

This is a great story, Johanna, and I think you've got a great chance to be picked up by a publisher who specializes in New Age books. I feel that the appearance of the Master is the key (or one of them) to this story, so I kind of rushed through your backstory in the first chapter. I wonder if you could give us more Master and intersperse your history later? Just a thought. The dialogue and relationship between you and the Master is excellent. I had no chasm to leap as far as believability, since I thrive on New Age and Occult literature.

Some of your readers will be skeptics of course, but you present the experience in simple, conversational tone, you don't offer quick answers or theories. You just tell your story, and that goes a long away when it comes to authenticity. But I do wonder if you may have had some earlier study, or at least curiosity of these subjects? If not, your story is even more unusual, because usually practictioners work very hard to master the technique of contacting a spirit-guide.

I would pick this book up in a bookstore and buy it. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of what you've uploaded here.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

This is a great story, Johanna, and I think you've got a great chance to be picked up by a publisher who specializes in New Age books. I feel that the appearance of the Master is the key (or one of them) to this story, so I kind of rushed through your backstory in the first chapter. I wonder if you could give us more Master and intersperse your history later? Just a thought. The dialogue and relationship between you and the Master is excellent. I had no chasm to leap as far as believability, since I thrive on New Age and Occult literature.

Some of your readers will be skeptics of course, but you present the experience in simple, conversational tone, you don't offer quick answers or theories. You just tell your story, and that goes a long away when it comes to authenticity. But I do wonder if you may have had some earlier study, or at least curiosity of these subjects? If not, your story is even more unusual, because usually practictioners work very hard to master the technique of contacting a spirit-guide.

I would pick this book up in a bookstore and buy it. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of what you've uploaded here.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Johanna, this is the most intriguing story I've read on the site so far. Very well-written as well. I'm going to keep it on my WL to read more until I've finished it and then I will continue this comment. 6 stars and on my shelf soon! Really great job and written in such a modest, honest way. I love it. Hannah

Johanna's courage in skillfully weaving her true story leaves me wide-eyed as I contemplate the good fortune of her readers. Surely they will gain a certainty of spirit and gain strategies for their own spiritual growth.
Perhaps the greatest gift one can derive from her authenticity is the loss of fear!
respectfully...jane

I'm trying to click...back the book, because I give her work whole-hearted endorsement.

I, author of THE MYSTIC, find Johanna's book enchanting and inspirational...and wish to back it with six stars.
Jane Ross

I was definitely not feeling loving unity when I reached chapter 7 and found it be a contents page for the rest. This read consumed me and I want to read more. The ideas are familiar, but you present them with such personality and clarity. I find the read almost childlike in places and Miss Stella is a wonderful disapproving parent figure. This childlike quality is at odds with the husband and son, and I wish they had figured a little more in the telling, but that is my only minor criticism. I hope you get this published and I would certainly buy it. Jake

Johanna,
I wanted to tell you that I find your synopsis for the Master & The Green-Eyed Hope very intriguing and my hope and expectation is to read your material very soon. With a limited amount of shelf space and the implementation of the new guidelines, you've no doubt discovered, as I have, that each decision to back a book is more challenging than ever. I do hope your work continues to get all the attention it deserves. Good luck and best wishes.
D. K. WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

This is quite an unusual read! I'm not very good at critiquing, so I'll just state what I like about the book. First off, I love the pitch, it was very attention grabbing. I love that it's in first person--I love books in first person. You are very talented with words and with writing--I can totally picture what you are describing. I will be shelving this as soon as the system's new changes will let me (I've been having some issues with them). Best of luck to you!

~Lilly S. Rowland
Ring Around the Murder (Not yet live)

Dearest Johanna, I felt very close to you as I read this. Yo have explained so many of a dreamer's visions and archetypes. I hope we meet some day!

Johanna,
Just had the pleasure of reading the first chapter of your book. I got through it much faster than I thought I would. Your narrative flows effortlessly, and I found myself engrossed in the story itself. I do hope I can find the time to finish reading this. This is such an imaginative work!
Only have a tiny observation, that being, the attitude with which your MC approaches childbirth. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed a bit superior, perhaps even arrogant . . . don't know many females who would agree.
At any rate, very much enjoyed what I have read, and I wish the best of luck.
Cly (Hybrid)

Hi Johanna, Well, this is really something! In 'perfectly normal' writing, jocular at times (most times, in fact), you have managed to express the almost inexpressible. You are telling the most amazing story and presenting it as a true story; the language you use is down to earth, almost in the extreme, and the reader, therefore, despite feeling that it can't possibly be true, is believing it. In a way, this is almost impossible to avoid. The story is true or it is down to your extremely clever writing. There is no escape and that is what makes the book so compelling.
This is definitely a book I would like to have on my real bookshelf. Please make that possible.
I know you will! All the very best, Hudson, (The Power of the Pegalore).

Johanna,
I think you have a very clear and fresh voice, which makes the book easy and interesting to read. You have a great writing style, and I think your novel will appeal to many people who enjoy this genre.
Best of Luck
CamilleClasse
Life (As Told by Camille)

Hello Johanna,

Read the first chapter. Your writing is simple yet elegant.
Backed.

N.Lalit ( Siren )

Wow...interesting storyline... Support my book ** Dani the Earth Angel **

Thanks
Natasha

HI JOHANNA 'THE MASTER OF THE GREEN-EYED HOPE

Gifts of three and five and five and three, and later the explanations, like the sevens !
your book is a compelling and wonderful read, the narrative brillient. enjoyed of ever minute of the first few chapters and will read more
backed with pleasure
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES''

Intense interesting writing and story - quite fascinating. Moves at a steady pace and keeps the reader interested. I became quite peaceful readin it - a sunday morning book!

Johanna,

Around 12th July, I promised to have a look at Master and the Green-Eyed Hope but warned that it would be some time before I reached it. Well, I'm there now.

This is good writing, mystical - and confusing, though I have to admit that last reaction might be due to the frame of mind I am usually in these days, when trying to read novels on this site. I really have too many on my list of promised reads, and I'm having difficulty in clearing the list, leaving insufficient time for my own writing. As a result, when I come across something which requires real concentration, my mind sometimes switches off!

It hasn't in your case. Yes, some of the narrative is at times hard to follow, learning of the Seven Powers for example, but that doesn't really matter. We 'run with it' and allow the information to seep in gradually.

The were a few technical issues that I noticed.

The first is that you use the word 'had' extensively. I mention this because a number of Authonomites have criticised me for doing exactly the same. They claim that the word is being phased out of use these days. I'm not quite sure about this one, but, having checked through my manuscript, it's quite true that most of them can be cut or replaced in some way. I'll leave you to consider whether or not to act upon this.

Second. There's a slight inconsistency in chapter 4. You state,

[I went for a long walk that night. It was very late but the streets downtown were alive.]

However, a few paragraphs before this you state,

[ . . . how surprisingly quiet was the little street, downtown. Right in the heart of Toronto.]

Third. Also in chapter 4, last paragraph but one, you repeat the word 'any'.

[I was not planning to have any social life. In fact, I didn't want any.]

I'd suggest,

[I was not planning to have a social life. In fact, I didn't want one.]

Four. In chapter 5 there's typo - comma missing - in the dialogue,

["Welcome Daughter," he said . "Sit down."]
["Welcome, Daughter," he said . "Sit down."]

And that's it, although I have not been able to read all of the chapters you have posted.

This is not really my kind of book, but it's unusual and well written. I enjoyed reading it.

Backed, and I hope it does well.

Neil.

Brilliant premise, brilliantly executed. A rich and absorbing true story. Candid. Thought provoking. Assured writing. A joy to read. Backed.

A profound story lightly told: that takes genuine skill. For that reason, backed - and very good luck with it!

Ivan

Dear Jay,

Thank you for the interesting comment, and opinions. I believe you have missed an important point: this is not a fiction. Your fiction technique (which is not necessary the only one that exists) does not apply here. Also, while commenting on the book from the perspective of the fiction technique which you prefer/favorite - you have chosen for your demonstration some isolated sentences from the manuscript which are not to be describing/showing but creating the atmosphere. At the same time you chose to omit those fragments that are actually describing/showing the characters. Nevertheless - it is fantastic that you have chosen to put so much time and effort in your comment - and I appreciate it dearly. Once again - thank you for reading and commenting.
Johanna

This reads as a one sided conversation, a synopsis, told by someone sitting in their den and in conversation with a friend. In short, breaking the fourth wall. That can be done, of course, but the problem here is that the emotional portion of the delivery, like all conversation, is heavily dependent on non-verbal means. You nod, and shrug. You place subtle emphasis and small hesitations. You play the instrument known as the human voice, and manage your expression ad body language—all things unavailable and unknowable to a reader.

Added to that, you have memory and intent to help you as you read, as you unconsciously fall into the pattern of telling as you edit, thus filling in the blanks with memory.

But I have no choice but to read what’s on the page, using the emotion inherent to the wording, not the performance.

Look at the problem the reader faces. They have to read as you, which means duplicating your performance on the fly, as they read, and doing it before they read a given line.

Hand an actor a script they’ve not seen, for a story they know nothing about, and tell them to begin reading at a performance tempo. You’re not going to win an award with the result. Yet that’s the task you hand your reader.

The problem is that when it comes to fiction you’re using the non-fiction techniques you learned in school. But fiction, like screenwriting, journalism, and engineering, are professions in their own right, with specialized knowledge and a body of craft that one must at least be aware of if we’reio practice the profession.

Some examples from the text:

• ”Welcome, Daughter,” said the Master. And that’s how it all began. I was facing the Highest Priest, and he was looking at me. Deep, intense, real. I felt his eyes searching inside me, and beyond me.

In this the reader has no context for either “master” or “highest.” We don’t yet know who we are, where we are, or what’s going on. And without knowing why the character wants, or doesn’t want to be there—and what led to it happening—we have words. Meaning? Not so much.

• Great - I thought. Exciting enough for you, my dear?

We still don’t know any detail, but we’ve been asked to think about a rhetorical question.

• No, I had not invented a time machine. Even if I believed in them, I wouldn’t have had enough brains to do that.

Visualize a film in which we open with someone sitting in their den, talking to us as if we knew them. They start giving us a synopsis of their background, and continue that for four manuscript pages of exposition before the actual first scene opens with the character lying on the floor trying to relieve stress. We’re talking about five minutes of exposition with no visuals but the character talking to the camera. Would something like that keep viewers in their seats? Well, it won’t keep them reading, either.

You need to involve, not lecture the reader, and that can only happen if we’re in the character’s moment of “now,” not that of the author.

• One day, I found I wasn’t alone in my secret place: I had visitors

Okay, we have someone who has been working on a relaxation technique. Suddenly, she begins to hallucinate—at least as far as she knows—yet she questions nothing, not even how the monks speak English. She just goes along with it because the plot calls for her to do so, and the script tells her that she instinctively knows they’re good and kind—which should have been the first screaming red-alert call.
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There is little commonality between writing fiction to the page, screenwriting technique, and the non-fiction office-writing techniques we learned in school. Screenwriting takes the viewer where books can’t go, onto the scene as a living participant. And because of that the fiction-writer had to go where visual media can’t go, into the mind of the character, through their senses and personality, in just as real an environment.

But the trick is that both are learned skills. This article is a great introduction to one of the major tricks of the trade: http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

The book he suggests is the single best on fiction-writing I’ve found, and well worth the time to read it.
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And finally, an unrelated comment: I know you feel you’re giving people encouragement when you back posting after posting, without having read more then a line or two. You’re not. You’re encouraging them to skip the step of learning their trade by telling them they already have all the skills they need.

Hi Johanna - Just checked out your novel as promised.
Doesn't look like my usual choice of read but looks like good work nonetheless. An intriguing read, flows naturally & good dialogue. Backed.
Adrian Lee

I'm not sure of this but will back it as I can't say why I'm not sure of it.

Johanna,
This is written in such beautiful words - very personal and intended to create a trust between reader and writer; I am backing this book because of the honesty and sincerity you highlight through your words. Makes you think harder about oneself!

I am backing your book,
Romilla

Hi Johanna,

This story was very unique and intriguing. If I have not gone through your profile, I would have called you a painter, for you paint your imaginations (words) with the best glossery paint of the mind. You layered your characters descriptively. You have created a world to escape into through your trance. Its original extraordinary and intelligent, well written. Your title will be my slogan. Wish you the best.

You really paint pictures with your words and this is a very visual and well written story about strange encounters. Quite intriguing so I'm backing it.

K
Nick Keen's Guide to Ghost Cleaning