Book Jacket

 

rank 4805
word count 22573
date submitted 27.06.2010
date updated 14.07.2011
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Young Ad...
classification: universal
incomplete

BURN

KaTy ThomPson

The real monsters aren't under the bed, they're in plain sight...and more frightening, inside of us all.

 

“I think you should leave.”
“You keep saying that,” he nodded.
“Well I mean it. Thank you so very much Mr. Wylder, but I am fine now, and my mom will be home from work soon.” I said, walking to the door.
“I'm sure you do. But you can't really live in a totally ignorant state. Don't you have any questions? ”
I stopped dead in my tracks.
“What?” I whispered.
“Do. You. Have. Any. Questions?” He said slowly, green eyes burning straight into mine.

Jezebel Sterling isn't normal. In her seventeen years, she has moved too many times to count. Her secretive mother won't tell her anything about her veiled past and when she asks about her father, she always gets the same answer; "He died in the war when you were little." Jez thought that was all the answer she ever would get, but then an attempt is made on her life and she meets a mysterious stranger who can give her the answers she so desperately craves...but does she really want to know the truth?

 
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tags

assassin, bleed, blood, break, burn, demon, human, lies, monster, red, secret, vampire, witch

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26 comments

 

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lizjrnm wrote 1031 days ago

Hello!?! How is this not published or at the very least moving up the rankings here!?? If I were a young adult publisher id be on the phone with you right now! Backed 100%

liz
The Cheech Room

Scott Toney wrote 340 days ago

I really like your cover here, very cool!

Have a great day!

- Scott, Eden Legacy

abipenfold wrote 983 days ago

hi,
this is amazingly well written, captivating and i'm seriously impressed.
keep it up
abi
backed with pleasure

eurodan49 wrote 995 days ago

What can I say? I’m impressed.
Looked in my crystal ball and saw a bright future for you.
Keep up the good work….BACKED.

andrew skaife wrote 1003 days ago

As an English teacher and father I am very well qualified to assess YA material and this certainly has everything that would wow that audience. Excellent stuff.

BACKED

andrew skaife wrote 1026 days ago

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

lizjrnm wrote 1031 days ago

Hello!?! How is this not published or at the very least moving up the rankings here!?? If I were a young adult publisher id be on the phone with you right now! Backed 100%

liz
The Cheech Room

greeneyes1660 wrote 1045 days ago

Katy, Gifted is gifted it knows no age...This is creative, intrigue, emotional, I mean you sucked us in right at the ump. We had no idea why but we were immediately connected to Jez and her Mom..You build tension well and set the mood perfectly.

Your pace is terrific your Mc's have depth and are well rounded. Your conversational writing is natural and believable and your premise is unigue and mysterious.

I really wish you posted more. This was such a easy comfortable and inviting read, and I found myself looking anxiously foward..Bravo Backed with pleasure Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

blueboy wrote 1045 days ago


Magnificent! Stupendous! Cool! Bold! A break through! Get the best night’s sleep ever! Wait, I’m sorry—I have the mattress commercial I heard this morning stuck in my head. I apologize. This was an interesting read and I hope you do well with it. The read was smooth and the voice strong, and those are the two main points I look for. I have not read enough to comment on your plot structure but based on the pitch and the first couple of chapters I will support you writing and wish you the very best with your manuscript. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think.


cheers
blueboy

Micheal O'Durcain wrote 1046 days ago

I have spent the entire morning reading all five chapters of this fascinating story.
It is complex, intriguing, gripping and least but not least, beautifully written
such an easy flowing style and then; a complete change of typeface, scene and story line:brilliant
jezebel is charming, strong, clear eyed and handles herself superbly under pressure
Dean is attractive, helpful, genuinely comforting and a rock of support all through
the reader is busy drawing his own conclusions and is left wanting to read more
the complexity of the story challenges the reader
I pick out two beautiful sentences; one is dramatic, the other needs re-editing to clarify it.
'Rage in its purest undiluted state flooded through me, leaving me a slave to its overwhelming power.' this is the sentence of a very young writer and i love its innocence apart from the real drama of the scene
2nd sentence: 'will you see', I started but Dean shot HER a look and SHE stopped.
I capitalised the words that need re-editing to match the 'I' at the beginning of the sentence
It's a great story
backed
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on thye Menu

Telegraph wrote 1048 days ago

A good read with polished charcters and diolouge that engages from the first word. C W

lynn clayton wrote 1049 days ago

You've got the natural writer's nack of making even ordinary things interesting. i was fascinated by the things Jez put in her basket. 'Cinnabrown' is a very realistic touch. And the man asleep and drooling - definitely real.It was quite eerie when she felt herself being watched and her reactions were believable. I'm not certain yet if Dean isn't too good to be true. To close the fist chapter so mysteriously is clever.
The only criticism I have is the punctuation - a comma at the end of dialogue when followed by speech tags, which shouldn't begin with a capital letter. I mention it because editors think it important. Excellent writing, though. Backed. lynn

soutexmex wrote 1050 days ago

Welcome aboard, Katy. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Famlavan wrote 1053 days ago

Think you have a great start to this!
Your introduction to the characters is spot on for me.
From what I have read so far you opening hook is good, could possibly be slightly more dramatic perhaps. Good multi-sensory descriptions and a great storyline developing. – Good luck!

Lara wrote 1053 days ago

Your dialogue between mother and daughter is believable but I think we need a few longer narrative or descriptive passages to offset these continued brief ones. I wasn't sure why, in 2. the font changed and whether signalled some change I hadn't picked up on.
Shows promised and backed
Lara
Good for Him

yasmin esack wrote 1054 days ago

KATY
Delightful. You need to do a quick check up for punctuation.

Backed
THE THIRD EYE

Susan Stec wrote 1055 days ago

This sounds right up my alley. Love the synopsis! It has a strong hook. Gonna check it out, girl!

sjbal wrote 1056 days ago

Hi Katy,
I like this, it is just my kind of story. The writing is very well presented - clear and to the point. More than happy to back.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1056 days ago

Very well written and very hard to put down. This should do very well on here. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Barry Wenlock wrote 1056 days ago

Hi Katy, I read chapter one and enjoyed it. Poor old Jez, off again, this time to New York. We are introduced to her temperature-disadvantaged mother and her growly tum. A smell of stale ciggys? Then the meeting with gentleman Dean and his midnight hair and emerald eyes. Cool, eh? Sound dialogue and we learn about Jez's shyness and her desire for Dean.
But oh, oh, mum's conversation is a real dodgy one....good hook to the next chapter. Sorry, out of time, but I hope this is in some small way useful to you.
Good writing. Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Burgio wrote 1056 days ago

BURN
This is an good fantasy story. I was happy to see it taking place in Elmira; I used to live not that far from there so recognized the name. The scene in the 7-11 sets a nice ominous tone for the story. I didn’t understand why the font suddenly changed and Lisa was introduced in the middle of the water fight, but okay. It held my attention. Kept me reading. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

cutley wrote 1057 days ago

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

name falied moderation wrote 1057 days ago

Hello Katy, what a wonderful short pitch and just a suggestion to put one para in your long pitch. This is what your potential publishers will read first and just a suggestion. Great book, exciting read, colorful characters, can you tell them to get out of my head now thaks....really good congrats........BACKED for sure.......I would just love you to step across to my genre and review my book, COMMENTS are so welcome, and if you see fit, BACK it.

BEST of luck with yours

Denise
The Letter

Despinas1 wrote 1057 days ago

Brilliant. Backed, Helen
The Last Dream

D. L. Stroupe wrote 1057 days ago

You really have the right "young voice" for Jez with this. I think young girls especially will relate to her. ....And then all hell broke loose! LOL I had only meant to read two pages, but I *had* to see what was going on and I did go a little further. The font change is good for alerting the reader to changes in perspective, but I'll admit to getting a little confused on page three. I think if I kept/keep going it may sort itself out though. That's one of the hard things about this sort of thing - you have to allow a reader the opportunity to make their own connections, but it's often hard to be sure you've given them enough with which to work. I was delighted to back this and I welcome you to Authonomy. Don't let the fussy stuff get you down and remember to accept all criticism as helpfully intended even when you don't know what they're talking about! Good luck!! :)

Kendall Craig wrote 1057 days ago

I liked the pitch and the opening chapter read well. The front cover shows up on my watchlist and looks eye catching. The style helps you identify with the main character straight away. The opening paragraphs reminded me of Hilary Duff's 'The Perfect Man', but something tells me it isn't going to continue that way. I don't usually comment, but since you are new, thought I'd drop you a few words! Good luck with this.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

SusieGulick wrote 1057 days ago

Dear Katy, I love the way you make me feel like I'm right there with your heroine - feeling what she's feeling & thinking what she's thinking - what an intriguing story! :) Your marvellous pitch set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."backed :)
Love, Susie :)

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