Uberstardom

this is a wonderfully written book! I really enjoyed what I was able to read and it truly has the full spectrum of genres mixed in. Thanks for giving us something a little different, it's a nice break!

Missy

I couldn't help chuckling about this, your writing is superb and as a reader you can't help but feel involved in the story.

Great descriptions too and all round exceptional read, far different from anything else on the site and a relief it isn't another dreaded vampire book!!

Great work.
Happily shelved and wishing you every success with your great writing.
Melxxx

FANTASTIC! I love the notion of Panorama being dumbed down to the point of 'we ask...what the fuck is going on??'. I took one look at that line and I was sold. Backed without any hesitation, mate, this is bowel-rippingly good comedy!

Jack Hughes

Jordan, I read your prologue and first chapter. Nothing glaring to nitpick in those sections. This is a smooth, entertaining read that I am happy to recommend to other readers.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I agree with Missy Fleming! I thought it was amazing and just loved its humorous cynicism. BBC could learn a lot from your great ability of naming TV programmes! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

It seems to take a while to get going, and I wondered about the relevance of the Squiggly and Squinty Bridges. I read as far as chapter 4 (loved the advert for Suic-Idol), and it looks like it's going somewhere.

Hi Jordan, Clever and funny. I especially liked the survey on children seeing people smoking and the reality show compared to the Roman coliseum. Jenny views the people talking about these things but there is the POV or narration going too. I wasn’t sure if Jenny thought like that but when it’s about women, I was sure of it. It’s obvious this has the potential of entertaining and making points within the plot. Enjoyed it and easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

this is a wonderfully written book! I really enjoyed what I was able to read and it truly has the full spectrum of genres mixed in. Thanks for giving us something a little different, it's a nice break!

Missy

It's a wonderfully-written rant and since everyone seems to be of your mind I can't understand why Antichrist and Dickhead are still at it, but there you are. Maybe when Stevie Pringle starts, they'll not be around for much longer. Give that man a medal. Backed. lynn

Welcome aboard, Jordan. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. Both pitches work. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Uberstardom blurs the already blurry lines between real life and reality lives. A network exec might easily pick up ideas and titles for half a dozen new shows from this if you'd cooperate. Very funny, very scary, very thought provoking. The last scene and sentence complete the ambivalent mood of this clever and well-crafted story. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Now I know why I HATE cash machines!!!
You have a brilliant perspective and an acute and fantastic way of expressing it. This is another book to add to the list ‘to come back to and savour’. I’ve only got to Jenny going to bed and I’m already hooked.

Hi Jordan, there's more than a touch of 'old motormouth' Elton in this well-written and highly amusing piece of satire. Loved, 'Fashion Nazis' and 'Britain, Britain, Britain, you can repeat it but it's still a mess. You're right there, for sure.
Backed for giving me many a wry smile,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Love the cynical and wry look at life and the ease in which the reader can identify with the subject of the story. We can all relate to the nicknames we give to 'celebrities'; super. Bookshelved!

THIS IS UBER GOOD
SHELVED

In my view, there's nothng better than a tasty bite of satire. Add so, when I saw this, after being whetted by the pitch, I moved on, with some anticipation to the main cake. And it reads well. Straight into the action. No messing about. The satire is fairly blunt and leaves little to the imagination (such as the Panarama comment) and perhaps this is a parody in itself of what we, the viewer, the reader, are becoming, in this culturally formatted planet we are building for ourselves. On watchlist and will read on.

UBERSTARDOM
With all the reality shows on TV these days, this is a timely story. I think you’ve caught the flavor (and desperation) of everything that goes into a TV shows. Your characters also ring true. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi, I saw your thread in the Forum and thought I'd come over to take a look at the pitch.
I find that submissions sometimes get rejected because the writer isn't sure what genre it falls into and so the pitch/synopsis does not properly represent the mss. The resulting confusion means the agent doesn't know which readership it's aimed at, and which publisher to tout it to.


Uberstardom

- good title


Topical, satirical, scathing witty horror. Celebrity obsession, primetime talent shows, addiction, stand-up, murder and soap operas. Were it a recipe, Jamie Oliver would condemn it.

- Like the last sentence, but have a better/funnier and shorter list in the lead up to it.

A man walked into a pub. Ouch! It was an iron pub.

- Not funny. If this is a taste of the humour inside the book, then it's not a good start. Delete.


The makers of Pop Idol had branched out and searched for a big screen Olive Oyl (in Popeye Doll) and hired new archaeologists (in Bone Idol), the latest they could offer was Suic-idol. People were literally dying to get on it, and they needed a new format.

- Write it in the present tense.
'branched out' and 'searched' are basically saying the same thing, so replace 'searched' with something else.
You have 3 punchlines - Popeye Doll, Bone Idol, Suic-Idol - but only the last one has a joke attached to it. As it's written the sentence is confusing so maybe keep it simple: The makers of Pop Idol are branching out. So far they've developed. Popeye Doll (the search for the new Olive Oyl), Bone Idol (for Time Team wannabes), and Suic-Idol (people were literally dying to get on it). But now they need a new format.


"Sick of all the generic crap being pumped out by your TV? Convinced by bland colleagues that you have a modicum of mediocre talent and that your banal life is worth televising? Do you like to sing in the shower, and feel the burning urge to inflict your turgid renderings on an unsuspecting and increasingly stupid public? That’s right – your insipid karaoke could be the next big thing!”

- Avoid quoting text taken directly from the mss. In a pitch or synopsis it's out of context and, without the build up in the rest of the chapter it falls flat.

So ran the unconventional advert for Uberstar, the latest in a long line of trite, televised tripe. They didn’t count on attracting the one-time soap star and wannabe comedian Stevie Pringle, though. A man suffering from addiction – and refusing to suffer fools – he enjoyed slaying his audiences. And his rivals.

You've finally got round to introducing the main character. In a pitch or synopsis it's best to introduce the main character first, then set the scene. (Then mention with his conflict(s) and the main antagonist).
Try to avoid dissing your plot devices, eg, 'trite televised tripe'.

Based on the pitch so far I'd classify it as Lad-lit/Satire - cf, Ben Elton. This type of novel is character-driven so you need to work on selling the main character, and then worry about the world he's a part of. At the moment the main character is secondary to all the world-building, and is barely mentioned.

"Uberstardom" takes no prisoners - it merely shoots them as they run for the tube...

- ok.


All the best with the book,

- NaomiM

FANTASTIC! I love the notion of Panorama being dumbed down to the point of 'we ask...what the fuck is going on??'. I took one look at that line and I was sold. Backed without any hesitation, mate, this is bowel-rippingly good comedy!

Jack Hughes

I have so far only read the first few chapters but I found them very easy to read compared to others I have come across on this website so far. Jordan's writing style is very enjoyable and his characters are easy to like from the moment you first encounter them. They are well written and totally believable as real people, the dialogue as you would expect from conversations from normal people with normal concerns, desires and opinions. The use of language is excellent, too, and no detail is spared when describing characters and surroundings.

There are some great comedic lines too which made me laugh out loud and I feel a familiarity with the character in the prologue, having lived a very similar childhood. I have similar memories of past events and share opinions of society today which makes the character seem all the more believable.

My only criticism of what I've read is that at the start of chapter two, there is a large amount of narrative about Glasgow. There is nothing wrong with this in itself and it is well written but I feel it breaks the flow of the story, taking the focus entirely from the characters we have met so far. My recommendation would be for it to be broken up and spread throughout the story if this was possible.

Overall, it is a story I'd enjoy reading. Similar to Ben Elton's writing but more observational and humerous. I really liked it.

Poor Jenny with her magazine and TV times. What great powers of observation are woven into this work by the author who makes the reader comfortable with the language spoken by so many of us. This work is truely great because of the diverse range of topics woven into the storyline, for example global warming, paper saving, and of course survival-walking on the street among outside smokers. I didn't read it all, but wow, it's great stuff. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) (Literary Agent Blues)

Your satiracal whit and smooth flowing writing makes your story a pleasure to read. You have crafted a good and timely storyline that has a strong ring of authenticity to it and you develope your characters well. My only suggestion is to spice up the story earlier than you do in order to grab the reader's attention and hold it. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

jordan
Bravo! Well done. Stunning opening and you get the reader right in.

Backed
THE THIRD EYE

I couldn't help chuckling about this, your writing is superb and as a reader you can't help but feel involved in the story.

Great descriptions too and all round exceptional read, far different from anything else on the site and a relief it isn't another dreaded vampire book!!

Great work.
Happily shelved and wishing you every success with your great writing.
Melxxx

Hello Jordan and what a book cover , leaving no doubt as to where this book is going to take one. Your short pitch just gives it and your long pitch does a wonderful job in grabbing your potential reader and maybe publisher by the throat and not letting go. Just a thought for your long pitch and that is to add paras as it gives the impression of being very long, when in fact it is not. This is maybe the first read your publisher and readers will have of your work and the more you attract the better. just a thought....
Well crafted and though I have not read it all, your characters are superb, colorful, rich, scary, horrible, and get them out of my head now......CONGRATS ..
This is not my genre, but it is so important to cross over some times to appreciate other authors and comment and back for skill etc if nothing else......
BACKED by me for sure....... would be so happy if you would review my book and COMMENT and if you will BACK it. Either way BEST of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

Dear Jordan, I love your twist of names - that is unique - it is obvious that you are in the acting realm with you expertise. I don't even watch tv anymore since they took the Terminator Series off which I loved. Beauty & the Geek always had its challenges. Years ago, I was sure hooked on a lot of different series starting with "I Love Lucy." :) I had never heard that quote before about the "illusion of religion," which really made me stop & think - you are pervocative - keeps me on my toes. :) Your pitch & prologue were excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs (you may want to cut the larger ones in 2 for us with short attention spans that tend to miss the middles) & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)