The Search

I really enjoyed reading your book and think it has lots of potential. I'd love to see the rest of it. The storyline drew me in immediately and I wanted to keep reading. Your characters are great! It is on my bookshelf! Kara McKenzie, A Gate Called Beautiful

I like it. Good description and flow and you can feel the emotions of the character well.

Enjoying the story. The setting of the ball at the start is well described, and the mystery of just who the girl is, why she is one of the society people, yet alone and thinking of marrying a manservant is intriguing. You set up the possibilities with Preston (where is this set? Preston is not a very English name I didn't think. The dialogue is quite good, with just one or two phrases that seemed a bit modern, but you have some great characters and a very clear tension point prepared so enjoying it a lot.

I wondered why the men's jackets would be 'similar' to what was in fashion? It was usually the poorer people who tried to ape the rich. The well off would be totally 'a la mode'

Other than that, I did notice you had a lot of repeated words, which grated on me a little as I read. eg:
'The dancers danced a couple of steps....' with another danced just shortly after.
'Doors had been opened to make room for the number of guests. Guests walked........' (you could just say '.... the number of guests, who walked......'
'full skirts made as full as possible.....' (why not just ' skirts made as full as possible....')
'Adorned the ladies(') hair. Many of the older ladies......' (why not change that second one to women...?)

I hope you don't mind me pointing this out - I was enjoying the read very much, and these small things irked and took me out of the story. It's only my opinion of course, but I felt that if you changed the wording to avoid it, then it would have solved that issue for me. Reading on, looking forward to finding out what happens, watchlisted for now while I have a queue.
Cariad.

So far, I am hooked! This seems like a great story, and I can't wait to read the ending!

-G

Hi Alisa,

Lovely writing. And lovely use of historical detail; I know how difficult that mix is! Will be back to read more soon....

Tony

nice long pitch. i like historical fiction.
j
what every woman should know

I like your pitch...I added this to my watchlist and will read asap and add to my bookshelf when space opens up : )

If you get a chance, check out How to Spot a Psycho (And If You're With One): Run, Girl, Run!

Carissa

What a great beginning for your first book!! I can't wait to read the next few chapters. The attention to details is wonderful and I felt like I was at the ball too.

Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement!

What a great beginning for your first book!! I can't wait to read the next few chapters. The attention to details is wonderful and I felt like I was at the ball too.