Book Jacket

 

rank 4561
word count 39529
date submitted 05.07.2010
date updated 23.08.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Instructional, C...
classification: adult
complete

Survivors

Jeff Wade

A young girl is brutally abducted. Her only hope is a single, unarmed witness with an indomitable spirit and a death wish.

 

On September 8th, 2005, violence shatters the sleepy little town of Morrilton Arkansas. 10 year old Jessi Adams is ripped from her innocent life and scarred forever by "The Terminator" - self-named rapist and murderer Tim Loveless. Only one man, Devin James, is there to witness his strange car - and Jessi within - disappearing into the night. He has no phone, no weapon, and no help - but the only thing standing between Jessi and a violent death is Devin. No choice but to follow.

Based on true events, this is a tale of courage and indomitable spirit - a story about Survivors.

 
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tags

aikido, based on a true story, christian, crime, martial arts, taekwondo, thriller

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50 comments

 

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scargirl wrote 1249 days ago

just taking the opportunity to back your book again under the new system.
j

Bocri wrote 1331 days ago

A very powerful piece of writing, shivers down the spine right from the first paragraphs. This should be a major hit.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Silent Storm wrote 1332 days ago

Jeff Wade:

You start your prologue off strong, action packed and very engaging, and it is filled with intrigue. the problem, however, (what this girl faces) is diminished as you move into chapter 1 with what seems like idle chit chat between Grace, Jessie and the pastor. It is also hard to imagine someone being brutally tortured praying "Thank you God for this," at least--not at the time of the actual torture. This person would be praying for their survival.

You have set off a fire storm here. Rid it of the unnecessary chatter, but keep the meat that cuts to the heart of the characters, indeed you will have a compelling story.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

eurodan49 wrote 1338 days ago

Only had time for a few (3) chapters, but enough to get a sense of your voice.
The narration is fluid, though hampered by excessive use of adjectives and adverbs.
Unless you plan to turn it into literary fiction I would suggest some trimming…it will make your writing more powerful.
Make sure your “narrator” voice doesn’t take over. Reader would want MC’s voice to come through…and its POV must be in control.
You could easily change the passive “tell” into active “show” and I would recommend it.
Remember, in today’s overcrowded market, readers expect tension on every page. Tension and action are best handled through “show” and dialogue.
Overall I enjoyed reading and am backing your work…good luck.

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1338 days ago

Dear Jeff,
Your descriptive powers are quite apparent in the very first chapter. Ugly and despicable - wow, this is very good writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Eunice Attwood wrote 1339 days ago

Wow - straight into the scary stuff. Very powerful and dsecriptive. Enough to make my skin crawl.Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

KW wrote 1354 days ago

As gripping as the title. The first paragraph with the amputated worm works very well. It gets the reader to remember exactly what it's like to turn over a spade of fleshy earth. "Each is about the size of a small grave." Spooky. Yeah, "ice cream's not good for you anyway. It's full of fat and cholesterol." Don't forget the sugar. Are there still Piggly Wiggly markets? I didn't know that, but I do know that you have one helluva story here. "The Terminator" is a beast, but luckily Devin will "Never give up." I won't give up and read more of this when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

Telegraph wrote 1362 days ago

A remarkable piece of fiction filled with polished charcters and rich diolouge. C W

eriexchick wrote 1366 days ago

Love true crime!

beegirl wrote 1367 days ago

What a story! I think you have a good start here. I do think that you need to look closely at your writing when moving from one intense scene to the next to the next--at those moments you fall into handing out information rather than allowing the story to tell itself.

I also googled the character names--as you said this is a true story--but could find no further information about it. Are the character names changed--is it actually a true story? You might clarify some of that.

Keep going Jeff... this is worth your work.
Barbara

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 1367 days ago

great pitch backed survivors...

made a video today about true facts for 1947

http://themunroeseries.wordpress.com/2010/07/26/1947-historical-facts-the-munroe-series-90s-music-linda-randall/

JoeHellis wrote 1376 days ago

Wow, what a chilling long pitch, and the book is even better. This book has a lot of good things going for it: flow, solid characters and a story line that sells. I'm shelving it after only reading the first chapter! I'm ready to buy this one and read the entire thing! Good luck with it on here. I hope it does well for you, I'm sure it deserves to go far.

Andy J wrote 1378 days ago

You pull the reader in with crisp pace and solid suspense. My only thought (for what it's worth) is to make sure you need every modifier. Sometimes I think it's a bit "overwritten"--the story and structure are both strong! (Now also realize that many readers obviously like this style--I just think it distracts from the story itself and can drift into cliché.) Best wishes. Backed.
Andy

andrew skaife wrote 1380 days ago

This is a hugely skilled write and you have managed to combine things that would normally not sit well with each other. Martial arts normally meets guns and bullets, not little girls like Jessi and grieving mothers. You have a talent I can only dream of in the way you can nit such things together.

There is craft in the building of your characters and it gives a strength to the narrative that would normally be found wanting in this genre.

Excellently put together.

BACKED.

carlashmore wrote 1380 days ago

I liked your pitch - succinct and gripping. I would correct the typo - it's 'story'. Your prose is very good and maintains a nice pace through the three chapters I read. There is an excellent balance of dialogue and action which makes it a very engaging read.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Wilma1 wrote 1380 days ago

Oh my I wasnt prepaired for that one minute hapily shoppping for school things and icecream the next a horrific fight for survival. I have only read two chapters as I have to go to work but will read more later. I found some of your words unusual but I'm sure this would be fine for the American market. You are great at writing tension and I think the third person narrative really works. Best of luck
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley

JeffWade wrote 1380 days ago

Jessi & the deer - a "Survivors" exerpt.

Entranced, Jessi stood frozen, naked and afraid – yet enchanted and enthralled – eyes locked with the deer. The doe mirrored her feelings. They assessed one another for a full minute before Jessi broke the silence. In her fear and despair, after all she’d been through, she was somewhat delirious. She yearned for intimacy, to be protected, and felt an instinctive bond with this creature - a female like her, potentially a mother.

“Mama?” she asked, her voice cracking. There was no reply.

The deer’s flanks quivered, seemingly preparing to bound off into the woods at the slightest provocation - but she did not. Perhaps the girl’s nakedness had some disarming effect on the animal, or perhaps instinct told her that they were both victims on this day, members of the same macabre sorority of the hunted. She pawed the earth a few times, huffed through her nose and turned, picking her way slowly away from Jessi through the underbrush. After a few steps, she looked back as if to ask “Are you coming?” Jessi answered by cautiously following along. They continued this way for some time, picking their way through the briars and brambles, the deer skittish but clearly slowing her pace to the girl’s.

Eventually, they broke into a clearing that immediately turned into a steep, rocky hill. The deer deftly made her way up the rise, but stopped abruptly as she reached the peak. She stood a moment, then stomped all four hooves, startled, as if she’d heard some imaginary report. This elicited the same reaction from Jessi who was now but a few yards behind. The suddenness of the motion reminded her of how large and powerful this beautiful animal really was. The deer locked eyes with the girl one final time – as if she yearned to convey something but could not – then leaped gracefully back into the briars and out of her life forever.

Jessi reached the summit where the deer had stood. Hair matted in tangles, face and body streaked with blood and dirt, she resembled a young, female Jesus headed for the cross. But, like Jesus, she remained clean and whole, her dignity intact. She stood unashamed and defiant on the peak of that hill. Down the other side, maybe thirty yards away, a large man with a mustache slowly lowered the rifle that had been pointed directly at her. A teenage boy stood behind him. They both wore orange camouflage and, even from this distance, she could see they had unusually large ears.

Andrew Burans wrote 1381 days ago

You set the tone and mood for your book early on and then build nicely from there. I really like your use of foreshadowing and how you intersperce the first person narrative. Your intimate knowledge of the martial arts clearly comes through. Your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

klouholmes wrote 1381 days ago

Hi Jeff, The voice of the dead gives a gradual tension to the ordinary scenes in the grocery. Jessi’s having learned self defense makes for an unusual scene between the child and the attacker. You’ve delivered this with firm narration and with the mystery of the man’s motives. I feel as if is going to make sense of senseless violence. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Joanna Carter wrote 1382 days ago

Don't know if this should have been my breakfast read, but I can't stop . . . powerful and compelling. Backed, of course.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Owen Quinn wrote 1382 days ago

Fiest thing to say here is fantastic cover, it really caught my eye and together with the pitch marked this as one to read. I love this sort of thing and the atmosphere is built from the start. You have obviously thought this through and layered it. This is solid stuff alive with good characters, imagery that sells the story in the imagination and stays a while after.

SingingOwl wrote 1383 days ago

Loving this...backing it happily, and will be back to read. When speaking of a lane in a grocery store, it is aisle, not isle. :-)

Would you do me the favor of reading a bit lf "Finding Little Big Foot" and commenting, backing, watching....?

eurodan49 wrote 1384 days ago

You have a talent with visuals. The narration part is aptly done but I would had loved more dialogue, something to pick up the action. Also, watch the overusage of adjectives.
Actually I enjoyed the read but others might be derailed by too much wordsmithing.
I’m backing you, good job.

JeffWade wrote 1386 days ago

The opening paragraph is strong but could be improved by reducing the adjectives. Just choose one each time .The brief spasms of diverse action or character setting is like the structure of many TV dramas. As more of the novel is read this may work well, I'm not sure so far. There is the hook of horror winding its way through. Backed
Lara
Good for Him



Thanks for the comments, Lara, but I don't understand what you're saying about the adjectives. Adjectives are descriptive, lovely, colorful, fanciful, wonderful and... nice. The more adjectives, the better the story, right? They are very very very very very very effective.

(uh... for anyone reading this, yes, it's a joke... Ok, I'll keep my day job. Just for the record, Lara was right about the adjectives and I'm working on it).

JeffWade wrote 1386 days ago

Jeff--You spoke to me through all of my senses in your opening paragraphs! What a rich read. I wholeheartedly back 'Survivors' and can't wait to see it on the Editor's Desk! Best, Jen 'Padre'



Oh I'm quite sure my work will end up on an editor's desk... AS A PAPER WEIGHT! But seriously, thank you so much for the encouraging words, Jen. I'm still hammering on this thing... maybe one day Jessi will have a life beyond where I left her, knocked out cold behind the counter of the Toot-n-Moo. FYI, the "Toot-n-Moo" is an actual market in Oak Grove Arkansas. No, I'm not kidding.

Thanks again, Jen

JeffWade wrote 1386 days ago

A super thriller, such a hard genre to compete in but this has to be published. Super writing and storytelling. Backed.



Wow! Thank you so very much, PC_Slovak. I am inspired.

Popcorn_Slovak wrote 1386 days ago

A super thriller, such a hard genre to compete in but this has to be published. Super writing and storytelling. Backed.

Lara wrote 1386 days ago

The opening paragraph is strong but could be improved by reducing the adjectives. Just choose one each time .The brief spasms of diverse action or character setting is like the structure of many TV dramas. As more of the novel is read this may work well, I'm not sure so far. There is the hook of horror winding its way through. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Famlavan wrote 1386 days ago

One heck of a creepy opening!
First thing that hit me was the strong style of writing, perfect for this type of book. I very much like the idea of drawing physical analogies to spiritual concepts. You have what feels to be a well thought out and intelligent book developing here. It will be interesting to see how it develops. – Good luck!

Jim Darcy wrote 1387 days ago

You build this up very well, educating as well as entertaining. Action is convincing and characterisation is not contrived. Only comment might be to divide your quite long chapters into smaller chunks to rachet up the tension and make it a real page turner.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Jayne Lind wrote 1387 days ago

What a thriller! And so well written. I predict this will go far and I hope it does. All the best. Jayne

Jayne Lind wrote 1387 days ago

What a thriller! And so well written. I predict this will go far and I hope it does. All the best. Jayne

Eveleen wrote 1387 days ago

Survivors
Stunning, backed.
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Kidd1 wrote 1388 days ago

Visually stunning. You have a chilling voice that keep the reader turning the pages. Well done. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

mvw888 wrote 1388 days ago

This has a breakneck speed, impossible to turn away from all this action. You employ a vast array of language and you have a knack for pacing, so that the read is smooth. Good introduction of character and an interesting story to boot. Happy to back this.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Rusty Bernard wrote 1388 days ago

Hi Jeff,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Jack Hughes wrote 1388 days ago

I am seriously impressed by this story, (and not only because of my great passion for Aikido and Taekwondo). I love your sense of mystery and the profundity behind your premise, it compelled me enough to keep reading. The writing is strong and fast-paced with some excellent moments. The only thing I would suggest is to take a look at your synopsis, it just sounds a little vague. The "sense of reality" and "the inability to visualize death's inevitable...keeps us...". made me wonder if the story is about the victim and the crime, or if it is a self-help class in a corporate training seminar. What you have here is a taut and edgy thriller, that's what we want to know about or, as Joe Friday would say, "just the facts".
Aside from that, this is a fantastic story Jeff and I can see it doing well, keep up the good work.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

JeffWade wrote 1388 days ago

Burgio, Lynn, Patrick, everyone - I cannot thank you guys enough. I am overwhelmed with great ideas and pointers. Your critiques are most educational yet very inspiring.

Again thank you all so very much.

jeff

TMNAGARAJAN wrote 1388 days ago

Survivors
Horrendous story. Backed.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

celticwriter wrote 1388 days ago

Nice, Jeff. A good synopsis - grabs, holds, and takes you on your journey. I'm not a critic, I just love to read. Enjoying the visual!

blessings,
Jim
Jack & Charmian London

lynn clayton wrote 1388 days ago

I agree with the comment from Patrick below, the pitch makes you think this is a chidren's adventure story and nothing could be further from the truth.
Every scene involving the Terminator (he named himself, I suspect) is creepy and unwholesome. The opening of the book with the description of him digging is great, the close of chapter one, with the ghosts wailing and moaning , even better - real sense of despair.
The killing of Grace is believable. Only one thing didn't work for me, Jessi's lisp- if you want to write it phonetically instead of just telling us about it, you must do it every time she makes an 'S' sound, not just a couple. Excellent, though. Backed. Lynn

yasmin esack wrote 1388 days ago

You tread a stunning path with this.

backed
THE THIRD SIGHT

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1388 days ago

In my opinion the short pitch should be revised. It comes across as rather childish and yet the book is a well written thriller. Many people may be put off from reading your book by this and that would be a shame. Beef up the pitch, 'serial killer', 'hapless 10 year old victim with some martial arts skills' etc. Don't give the impression of a young adult with skills beyond their age capabilities and you will attract the adult readers you deserve.Well done. By the way, 'Preditor' should be 'Predator'. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

cutley wrote 1388 days ago

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

Burgio wrote 1388 days ago

SURVIVORS
This is a scary story, beginning with the ring of the shovel at the beginning. You’ve created a good mix of characters. Devin and Jessi are both good contrasts to Loveless. Making Jessi an expert at defending herself gives the story more depth than it would have if she were just a helpless child. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

name falied moderation wrote 1388 days ago

Dear Jeff
What a read, your characters are just real, like in my head. Your pitch the short one was grabbed me first and would not let go of me so I had to read the long pitch. This gave me so much promise I then had to go to the book. Which was so well crafted. CONGRATS on a good book. A suggestion for the long pitch would be to put in paras as this may be the first read your publisher will have of your book. This is not my genre but to appreciate talent and skill is what this site means to me.,
My book is of a different genre but that is the beauty of this site, and if you could find the time to go through and 'comment', on my work, I would be so happy, as this will enable me to improve as a writer. and if you so feel back it. Again BEST OF LUCK with your book

Denise
The Letter

Despinas1 wrote 1388 days ago

Hi Jeff, Love a good thriller suspense, and Survivors promises a great read.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

SusieGulick wrote 1389 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Jeff! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

soutexmex wrote 1389 days ago

Welcome aboard, Jeff. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch should be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SusieGulick wrote 1389 days ago

Dear Jeff, I love your quest for survival - my son & daughter when growing up became Ninjas trained by Frank Dux - the 1st thing they were taught was the vital parts to defend yourself - you have a great story - well done - lots of intrigue & suspense. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

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