Fidelity

Well, Benjamin Dancer, what can I say? I spent the morning basting a 20 lb turkey every 15 minutes and preparing everything else. Spent an hour in the afternoon cleaning everything up and putting it all away. And spent the time from about 2:30 until now - 11:06 pm reading Fidelity. When I first backed your book, I based my opinion on your pitch and the first chapter or two. After chapter 3 today, I couldn't stop reading.

Frankly, I don't even know where to begin to comment. Am I allowed to say "masterpiece?" A truly amazing work of art. The detailed descriptions of the hunt combined with the flash-backs, the precise efficiency of preparing the ammunition and the careful attention to detail during the hunt (your attention to detail AND Cal's) combined with his life-long struggle with religion and philosophy, the reverence for and love of life and for the prey combined with his reverence and love for Sarah and for his children - all of it, woven masterfully onto a canvas of many colors and textures that leaves me breathless. I cannot even begin to imagine how you are able to write this way. I stand in awe.

Thank you for contacting me again. I hope to purchase this book when it is published, as it surely will be.

Backed again. Six stars.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

Benjamin,

I'm gonna go ahead and get personal here for a second.

You’ve managed to do something truly remarkable with this story. Cal is nothing like me—his interests and personality are in total contrast to my own. For the most part, this book deals with some heavy themes that don’t typically hold my interest and even kind of repulse me; hunting, dead children, divorce etc. Because I’m kind of a plebian, all of that would usually keep me from ever reading your book. I should probably hate this, but I love it. You’ve managed to create a narrative that is so pure and genuine and an emotional core to the story that is so powerful that I had to keep reading. I can relate to and sympathize with Cal. His heartbreak is overwhelming and as a result, you can’t read this lightly. I felt involved in the story not just in spite of our differences, but because of them.

What else can I say?

Backed.

Not that you need it at this point.

Ailsa

Benjamin,

I really enjoyed your book (yeah, I read it all). Excellent writing. I kept thinking E. Hemingway had collaborated with Jack London. Seriousy, one of the better books I've read. I'm surprised to find it here, rather than going the traditional agent/publisher route.

Your quick, to-the-point narrative was refreshing, since so many writers seem to think the longer a sentence, the better it is. And I noticed the Cardinal Directions were capitalized, while god wasn't. Subtle, to say the least. The ending seemed a bit flat to me, but since this is serialized, I don't feel qualified to judge.

One thing nagged me. How did the MC acquire his hunting/butchering skills? He seemed more at home in the woods than an aboriginal hunter. You might have covered it, but I missed it. Didn't detract from the story, however. Was this covered in the first book of the series, perhaps?

Only found one typo, in ch 15: "As a mater of fact, it got better everytime we made love." Freudian slip?

Is the first book of the series published? I'd like to read it.

Take care,

JohnB

This is the most outstanding new work of literary fiction that I have read in several years. (And I read A LOT!) The storytelling is second to none and the language knocks my socks off. And isn't it about time somebody wrote something both stunning and true from a MASCULINE perspective?

We published an excerpt from "Fidelity" in the seventh issue of our literary journal "Monkey Puzzle." We've been witness to the evolution of the manuscript and can't wait to have the finished book in our hands. Best of luck to Benjamin and "Fidelity."

No comment.
BK

I was curious to read the ED comments after Fidelity made the ED in a record, what, four months or something along those lines? But I don't see it posted on here. Be cool to read it.

Hi,

The style of writing is really good. Putting it on my WL

I usually don't read this catagory but you got my attention from the start and kept it, way to go! Definately a great read for lit. enthusiasts. Keep up the good work!

Leslie Gervais
"Love Has No Borders"

Hi Bejamin, Thank you for backing Time Trial. Much appreciated. Much of your story is beyond my experience. It is therefore difficult to make sensible comments. I know next to nothing about hunting and whilst I shoot-at targets-I've not shot at big game-only rabbits. I'm not a veggie, but I find myself hoping that the Elk will get away. I eat meat so why do I think that? Inconsistant! What you have written sounds like your life story and the loss of juniour in a fire is traumatising. The story is powerful, honest and well written. I've backed it & it will go on my shelf when I've got room. TT has left your shelf I see.
Best of luck with your story.
Best Walt.

Serendipity led me to read this over Christmas, all of it at leisure in between family celebrations. It was a wonderful and humbling experience. I cannot say more than has already been said by others about the superb, confident writing which any aspiring author would envy. Starred and shelved.

Only in retrospect I have withheld the last star, wishing I could make it a half. It was chapter eleven before the real depth of Cal's agony began to kick in. I think this was mainly because if you had dropped earlier hints (apart from the pitch) about the background tragedy, I did not pick them up. You spent a huge amount of time on the detailed descriptions of every possible aspect of the elk hunt - very beautiful and compelling as it is - leaving me thinking that this cipher was the story. When the human story finally developed I felt it was too late, leaving the book off balance in structure. That apart I loved it all and wish you great success with it.

Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

Very poetic. I enjoyed the hunt in this chapter. I see the poetry in the mingling of memories of Dani and his present situation, but it gets confusing, especially with his father thrown in .

"Pair of grooves scar" rather than "pair of grooves scars"

I'll keep reading.
Jeanne Meeks Rim to Rim – Death in the Grand Canyon

Benjamin, this is a beautiful story. You have such a magical way with words, it makes the mountain come alive. I can see the elk, hear her move, smell her scent. And the visual discriptions are so real! I have given you six well-deserved stars. Well done on such an amazing story. Good luck.

Kate Grimes.- LIZZIE- CUPPA TALES

HI Benjamin
Well, considering I'm not a hunter and don't like the idea of killing animals for sport, I did enjoy the first three chapters and you had me hooked. I like the inner conversations the main character is having with himself and want to read on. Very well written, no passive language and engaging.
Thanks for letting me read this.
Sincerely
Frank

Congrats on making the editor's desk!

Just wanted to say congratulations! That's awesome that you made it to the editors' desk and I can honestly say that you deserve it. Good luck with your writing and I hope you go far.

Cool, a real read at last. only read a couple of chapters with a view to reading in full later, but now I have to to fulfill my thirst. Backed and liked.
You sent me a message asking me to suggest a chapter of TUNNEL VISION to read. I suggest you take the chance and pick one at random, as I don't want to pick one that I like or influence you in any way. Enjoy. Nigel.

Hi Benjamin,

Congratulations on making the editors desk!

Bob Jones / TakeAway

saw that you've been taken in for review! way to go !

Congratulations on being selected. May the process prove successful. Well done.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

Congratulations.

Congrats & respect.

Congratulations on the medal next to your rank. Best wishes and now ... hope for you to get a nice contract.

FEL

Nice going -- Congratulations!!

Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Benjamin, this is fantastic. I'm looking forward to reading more but it grabbed me from the off. As already stated the attention to detail is amazing. Truly deserves to be published. I will write more the further I read on. Best wishes for now

Backed! Best of luck to you these last few days of November!

Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Hi Benjamin

As requested, please woudl you review Marking Time in chapter order, though to get a real feel you need to read both Chapter one and two.

Best of luck with Fidelity!
Crispy - thanks so much for your backing!!

Hello Benjamin, Congratulations on attaining the DESK. I see from my notes that we once backed each other's novels, "Fidelity" and "The Doctor of Summitville." A re-reading of yours confirms my intention to back it again as soon as my shelf is clear. It's a well-written, haunting tale that certainly deserves to we widely read. Many thanks for your support in the past. I hope to have it again? --Bill

Very happy to reback this excellent book Good luck with it
Amelia

Hi Benjamin

Some well-deserved ****'s placed against this masterpiece.

Alex
x

Backed - hope you get to the top in... 4 days? Good luck!

Backed. Hope you get to the top in...4 days? Good luck!

I've read the first three chapters, and backed it because of the pitch, because of the tension, because of the shivers I got from your descriptive tone (and maybe the snow "storm" in front of the window played into that a little too :) ), because of the characters I already adore, eventhough they are all very different to myself.

I'm going to read on, with a cup of coco in my hand, once I'm at home, and I know I'm not going to be dissapointed with this book.

Take care and good luck!

If i did not know that you were a english teacher, i'd prob be amazed by the english vocabulary you make use of to describe. Not that i say that writers aren't good (there are alot of talented writers out there), but the way you make use of words is just facinating. I love reading your work. So describpive. I found myself moving with the character, feeling what he felt, seeing what he saw. So many wonderful sentences, but one in particular grabbed my attention "i belong to the mountain". One sentence that can have so many meanings and leaves one thinking and having goosebumps all over. In due time i will definately read more. But for now i am so glad i backed your work.

green h

If i did not know that you were a english teacher, i'd prob be amazed by the english vocabulary you make use of to describe. Not that i say that writers aren't good (there are alot of talented writers out there), but the way you make use of words is just facinating. I love reading your work. So describpive. I found myself moving with the character, feeling what he felt, seeing what he saw. So many wonderful sentences, but one in particular grabbed my attention "i belong to the mountain". One sentence that can have so many meanings and leaves one thinking and having goosebumps all over. In due time i will definately read more. But for now i am so glad i backed your work.

green h

Well, Benjamin Dancer, what can I say? I spent the morning basting a 20 lb turkey every 15 minutes and preparing everything else. Spent an hour in the afternoon cleaning everything up and putting it all away. And spent the time from about 2:30 until now - 11:06 pm reading Fidelity. When I first backed your book, I based my opinion on your pitch and the first chapter or two. After chapter 3 today, I couldn't stop reading.

Frankly, I don't even know where to begin to comment. Am I allowed to say "masterpiece?" A truly amazing work of art. The detailed descriptions of the hunt combined with the flash-backs, the precise efficiency of preparing the ammunition and the careful attention to detail during the hunt (your attention to detail AND Cal's) combined with his life-long struggle with religion and philosophy, the reverence for and love of life and for the prey combined with his reverence and love for Sarah and for his children - all of it, woven masterfully onto a canvas of many colors and textures that leaves me breathless. I cannot even begin to imagine how you are able to write this way. I stand in awe.

Thank you for contacting me again. I hope to purchase this book when it is published, as it surely will be.

Backed again. Six stars.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

Benjamin, you write ..... beautifully, profoundly, intently, powerfully, evocatively. You dig deep and draw out raw emotion that shocks, stuns and leaves your reader breathless with anticipation. I could never write like this!

CherryOnTop

i very much enjoyed what i read of this book. there's a beautiful cadence to your writing and a storytelling quality that is rare. congratulations on creating such a wonderful piece of writing !

Hello there Ben, I like your writing style as much as I like your imagination. The narratives is well written and to the point. The sentences short and précis. the dialogue is realistic. The pace of your story flows well.
In fact I cannot see anything wrong with this from a reader's point of view that is, as I am not a qualified critique.
Although the story is dark at times, you have managed to convey it well.
Good luck with the ED desk and for the publication.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

Hi Benjamin,

This isn't my kind of story but I can see that it's well written and why you have mangaed to get it into the top rankings.

I'm sure it will be published one day, so while it isn't for me, congratulations.

Ron

I read chapter 27 as per your request. I thought your writing was rich and full. However I wondered why this scene was here, so late in the story. So (maybe as you knew I would) I went back to the beginning of the story. Again I found your writing to be near perfect...but the story of a man hunting does not attract me. I think you need to move the story forward sooner.
Sue

Ben,


WOW!


Emmett

This is well written and very well edited. Short sentences and use of the present tense make it a little poetic and a little thespian. I grew up in Elk hunting country and Cal is more than the normal hunter. On a humorous note, my only critique is Cal's favorite English class where he learns he is to lose his virginity. One might think it would make it more than just his favorite English class. Did he really like metal shop that much? All kidding aside, your work demonstrates you have put the time and effort that makes it worthy of our time.

DB

Hi Benjamin,

It's well written, no problem there. It looks like you work hard to choose the right words for any situation. The descriptions are very detailed, that's for sure. So it's more quality to the writing.

However I hadn't been very attracted by the story line like some other books I read did before.

Tough, I am sure you'll make it this month to the editor's desk !

Cheers,

Jeremie

Benjamin, you asked me several weeks ago to read and shelve your book. Now that I've finally gotten around to it, it looks like you don't really need my help. It looks as if you will get a much deserved reading and review from HC.

You have a talent for taking very masculine scenarios and weaving them together with feelings that make your story appeal to a broad audience. I hate the idea of hunting, but I was fascinated by chapter 1 as you take the reader through both the pursuit of the elk and the encounter with Dani. I also have no interest in how ammunition is made, but the interaction between father and daughter made chapter 3 very memorable. And at your suggestion, I skipped to chapter 27 and shared the horror of losing a child. I'm out of time right now, but I look forward to finishing Fidelity as time permits. Best of luck on this and the other two parts of your trilogy.

Blessings,
Linda Brendle
A Long and Winding Road, RVing with Mom and Dad

P.S. You might also want to take a look at Pulling the Goalie by Christian Piatt.

Dear Benjamin,

In all honesty, this is not usually the kind of book that I would ever read. It's perhaps too heavy and personal for me to enjoy. But you do have a very descriptive touch that is mesmerizing. You have the ability to weave in and out of different storylines that seem almost independent but come together beautifully. I wish you the best with Fidelity.

Ed,
The Imperialists

Hi Benjamin, I've read few chapters of 'Fidelity' & I must say you are one hell of a writer. I've also read Ch 27 as you requested and I love the chaotic vision to it. Every word is in its place – target reached. However, I wonder why you describe the death of a child? When I let my mind in connection with life – and its copies AKA Art, I expect my emotive palace to awaken and make me understand something i knew not beforehand. Sadly, it didn't happen. Is that as a result of the character not connecting with his emotions? I believe even the coldest human being could phrase how he feels (even if it is with their cold words!)

Beautifully crafted writing. The description of Junior and the incident instantly draw you in to the scene.

My only critique would be that even more description would be useful during the fire scene.

Best of luck.
Kontrau Mesio

I cannot wait to sink my teeth into this book.

Hi, Ben: Thanks for your kind comments re my posted novel. Tit for tat, I just read FIDELITY through ch 9. You were wise to choose 1st person narrative; the novel smacks of stream-of-consciousness, leavened adroitly by excellent snatches of dialogue that brings it to life, lends immediacy. Long ago, I tried to read ULYSSES, and gave up after several pages. It’s impossible to get inside someone else’s mind en toto, and ponderously going through Bloom’s day item by item, thought-by-thought may have appealed to intellectual critics, but did nothing except bore me.

Verisimilitude is definitely one of your strong points. I recently scanned someone else’s Authonomy work; in describing a journey, the author had two characters climb aboard a light plane, “. . . and we took off, flew to wherever.” You don’t need to be expert in any field to insert touches of nitty-gritty, but with the web you can sure as hell look up details. Calvin’s powder loading scene with Annie, citing the specifics of the action, is a good example, while Annie’s retorts/questions characterize her nicely, as well as Cal’s insistence on silence in order to get the exact grain weight of each load. Finding the remains of murdered Elaine inserts a jolt, an element of surprise.

Another strong item of verisimilitude occurs in each of the hunting scenes that form the framework upon which you've hung your tale, especially the respect Calvin shows toward the elk. Hunting is a natural human instinct; our remote ancestors were left no choice but hunting/gathering if they wished to survive, and if there’s such a thing as racial memory that instinct exemplifies it. In short, a reader will decide the author doesn’t live in the real world unless he/she gives SOME evidence of credence, an assurance that he/she knows what they’re talking about, or doing. One of your many commenters mentioned that FIDELITY reminded him of Hemingway. Uh-uh; despite his storytelling ability and powers of description (using verbs rather than nouns), the concatenation of run-on sentences linked with innumerable conjunctions drove me nuts upon first reading. I think EH let his ego get in the way of his ability.

Bottom line, simply stated, is that I like your novel a lot. With only days left on the EdDesk, I believe you’re in for a very pleasant response.
Best wishes, Bill Walling

I took a look at 'Fidelity' as you requested and read ch1-4 and then the last three. Very fluid and easy to read. Stylistically, the short sentences and hunting as metaphor reminded me of later Hemingway. Thematically, there's a lot of books being written at the moment about dead children... I guess there's a rich vein of fear to tap into; that terrible 'What if' is a good hook for a reader. In short, I can see what people like in it and think, compared to many high ranking books on this site, it has a good chance of making its way into the real world but it's not my cup of tea. I'm sorry. Best wishes, Harriet

Hi Ben,
I can't recall how detailed any previous comment I made to you may have been, but since you particularly emphasised in your recent message how much you would value some detail, here goes.
I'm backing your book because it's well-written, in spite of the fact that I find myself a bit out of sympathy with Cal and his world view. Too many folks here on Authonomy seem to be expecting others to do their proof-reading for them, so it's a pleasure to come across authors who have a strong command of the nuts and bolts of their trade and who evidently take care over the way their work is crafted, right down to the smallest issue of SPG.

I found certain aspects of the tale disturbing (though no doubt that was your intention) - the juxtaposition of sex and death, attraction and repulsion, belief and disillusionment. The fudging together of sex and death was almost strong enough in some places to make me stop reading, so perhaps there's an issue there... You don't want to lose your audience.

I can identify with Cal's sense of guilt over lust, though (strange but true) I don't think it necessarily has to be associated with religion. I think you've used a bludgeon there when a push would have done the job.

I think you could possibly have drawn a thread which associated Cal's growing disillusionment with religion with wishful thinking on his part - he wants to disbelieve because he's fed up feeling guilty. This would have helped underpin his arguments as motivation - they were a bit "atheism-by-numbers", and it seemed to me unlikely that they would persuade a well-informed believer. Mentioning CS Lewis's "Mere Christianity" was probably a mistake, since his arguments for the objective reality of morality are very strong, and not at all dependent on the sort of thing that Cal seems to be agonising about - the historicity of the gospels and Paul's epistles, etc.

Finally, the ending - I think you needed a bit more of an emotional wallop. That might be coming with the next volume, of course... I still agree with one of your other correspondents that it seems a bit flat.

Reading over what I've just typed, much of it seems a bit negative - my apologies! Taken as a whole, I think Fidelity deserves its current position. Congratulations!

Benjamin,
I have read a number of chapters of your terrific story. Not the whole book, as I want to wait for the paper version, soon I hope. It gripped me from the start. It is well worth its position at the head of the listings. Good Luck.
Aaron

I think I wrote one before but I can say one thing. This is a book worth buying, just by reading it made me a fan.
No I'm not saying it on your account, I actually mean it.

Richard Todd

(Comments on chapter 1)
Like some of the commenters below, I really like your non-purple prose. Clear, to the point, no BS.

I was also slowly taken in by the atmospherics. You've chosen a great setting to describe - pre-dawn, snowy, nervous hunter. The fact that he was alone added to the atmosphere.

The tension build up was great, too. Closer and closer to the target. I expected the chapter to end with the BANG of the rifle, and was a bit put off guard when it didn't. (Still the last para was the best - poetry without being purple!)

I was tripped up in a couple of places - the first line "I see her track..." I wasn't sure for a while what to make of that and I found myself going back several times, trying to understand. Took me out of the flow of the story. Maybe more detail to ease the reader into the story? "I see her tracks. There is one print just at my feet, and they curve away, across the field..."

Anyway, good job, fun to read!