Star Wishes

Now this is what I call a magical story because children will really believe it could happen to them here and now. They don't need to be from another planet, they can be just on their way to school. What a gorgeous child Holly is and how exciting the description of the box and the message. There's a realism in the dying mother and her forgetfulness which is touching and will appeal to adults as well as children. But what a wonderful, exciting and reflective book - not only will children be entertained, they'll be moved and made to think. Brilliant. Backed. lynn

You touched my heart with your kind words. Thanks so much.

Holly is an uncomplaining little girl who has taken on the responsibility of the household without complaint. Her brother seems to be willing to help but although 7 years old needs to be told exactly where a tin of beans are.
There are good hooks in the story and the delightful birthday present with it's promise of great things to come is a real hook. I shall post this and then return to see who comes to her bedroom at midnight. Good Luck, Anne

Well written and engaging tale with an endearing MC in Holly and coverage of difficult issues done sensitively.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Hello Cornell, After browsing for a couple of hours, I found a book that seemed better written than most. The first chapter is about the right length for a child's novel and perfectly clear, with correct punctuation, strong character development, and an appealing voice. Holly is a sympathetic child, and you've created a situation that draws us on with hope that she'll succeed. I read the first chapter, then skipped around, and finally decided to back--"Star Wishes."

While I think childrens's books are important, challenging, and sometimes durable, I tend to write adult novels and short stories. One that I've shown here is "The Doctor of Summitville," a love story set in an American country town during the Great Depression of the 1930s. I hope you'll read some of it, comment briefly, and perhaps back it. Best of luck with your writing, Bill

I read very quickly through the first five chapters of this. It’s charming. I fully intend to read the rest of it.

Lovely writing. Smooth, witty, sensitive and great for youngsters.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNAS AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Thanks so much for your kind words.

Lovely writing. Smooth, witty, sensitive and great for youngsters.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNAS AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Thanks so much for your kind words.

Wow you had me at the pitch. I can tell you're a talented Author. I'm definitely adding this to my watchlist. Definitely a: MUST READ!

Best wishes,
Nada.

Thanks for your encouragement. You made my day.

Wow you had me at the pitch. I can tell you're a talented Author. I'm definitely adding this to my watchlist. Definitely a: MUST READ!

Best wishes,
Nada.

Thanks for your encouragement. You made my day.

Now this is what I call a magical story because children will really believe it could happen to them here and now. They don't need to be from another planet, they can be just on their way to school. What a gorgeous child Holly is and how exciting the description of the box and the message. There's a realism in the dying mother and her forgetfulness which is touching and will appeal to adults as well as children. But what a wonderful, exciting and reflective book - not only will children be entertained, they'll be moved and made to think. Brilliant. Backed. lynn

You touched my heart with your kind words. Thanks so much.

Now this is what I call a magical story because children will really believe it could happen to them here and now. They don't need to be from another planet, they can be just on their way to school. What a gorgeous child Holly is and how exciting the description of the box and the message. There's a realism in the dying mother and her forgetfulness which is touching and will appeal to adults as well as children. But what a wonderful, exciting and reflective book - not only will children be entertained, they'll be moved and made to think. Brilliant. Backed. lynn

You touched my heart with your kind words. Thanks so much.

15 July 2010
Star Wishes will entertain its target audience with no difficulty whatsoever. It has empathy galore -- who doesn't hate rules?- and wow! What would you do with three wishes? One of the many excellenty aspects of this book is that it is not dumbed down, it does not talk down, and it has the courage to inject real life, and its lessons, into the story. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla

Thanks so much for your kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Very atmospheric and beautifully, though rather formally, written.

I think some of the phrases could be crisper for the age group,
and the vocabulary less wordy.

The opening sentence is engaging, and then the paragraph that
introduces Holly's birthday. The sentences between make for a rather
slow and impersonal opening.

I found Holly very likeable and thought the storyline in the pitch sounded
gripping and engaging.

Best wishes,

AlleJo

Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate it.

This is the kind of book I could sit up all night reading. I can’t wait to buy this in paperback! BACKED!

I love your comment. Makes me feel really good. Thank you very much.

This is the kind of book I could sit up all night reading. I can’t wait to buy this in paperback! BACKED!

I love your comment. Makes me feel really good. Thank you very much.

A good read. There's a mixture of intrigue and realism her that's facinating. C W

I appreciate your comments and encouragement.

Wow you had me at the pitch. I can tell you're a talented Author. I'm definitely adding this to my watchlist. Definitely a: MUST READ!

Best wishes,
Nada.

Wow! What nice words. You made my day!

Warm and intriguing. Backed with pleasure, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Thanks so much.

hullo Cornell. a very interestingh story. I like the way you tend to close each chapter with a question leading to the next chapter. giving the reader a chance to speculate. very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Thank you for backing Star Wishes. Much appreciated.

Hi Cornelle, This is touching and the character of Holly is bright. It’s also written well for the age level. I liked the memory of the lemon fading ink with the discovery of the box. Holly’s life at home, in contrast, is so dutiful and her parents not mentioning her birthday is something she takes with such equanimity. (Coincidentally, Dec. 17 ia my birthday! Does the text change magically for each person reading?) The open window is really a hook. I liked the blend here of reality and the full-force magic. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I'm so pleased that you liked my work. Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment.

First let me apologies, I backed your book after an initial read and have only just got round to commenting (been editing).

Think your long pitch is brilliant!
You get my vote not only for the great development of Holly, but also for the use of multi-sense narrative description, very, very good. Great myth structure, the call to adventure, the meeting with the hag/wizard… This has the feel of a very well thought out and intelligent book. – Good luck!

Thank you for your complimentary words. I appreciate it very much.

Dear Cornell

Well the time has come for me to close the book, always sad to leave characters....What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and now done. I commented and backed it a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise
The Letter

I appreciate you taking the time to read all of it and your kind words. I'm grateful to you.

Enchanting. The pitch is wonderful and will entice many readers. I like the contrast between Holly's very down to earth world filled with dissapointments and heart breaks and her wonderful magical and fantasy world of wishes. Holly's characterisation and personality is endearing and I found myself adoring her. Rules do suck for Holly and the rest of us.
Backed earlier and with pleasure.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

You just made my day with your kind words. Thank you so much.

This is magical, beautiful, and bittersweet. Holly has such a lovely, well-wishing voice. I sympathised with her when everyone forgot her birthday, and worry for her once she finds the box. The writing flows evenly, and is a pleasure to read! Backed.

What beautiful words. Thank you so much.

What an intriguing opening chapter. Starts on a sad note and moves quickly along and ends in such anticipation.
I like your style, sparse and to the point. Backed.

Thank you so much for the compliment. Much appreciated.

What an intriguing opening chapter. Starts on a sad note and moves quickly along and ends in such anticipation.
I like your style, sparse and to the point. Backed.

This is magical, beautiful, and bittersweet. Holly has such a lovely, well-wishing voice. I sympathised with her when everyone forgot her birthday, and worry for her once she finds the box. The writing flows evenly, and is a pleasure to read! Backed.

Enchanting. The pitch is wonderful and will entice many readers. I like the contrast between Holly's very down to earth world filled with dissapointments and heart breaks and her wonderful magical and fantasy world of wishes. Holly's characterisation and personality is endearing and I found myself adoring her. Rules do suck for Holly and the rest of us.
Backed earlier and with pleasure.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Dear Cornell

Well the time has come for me to close the book, always sad to leave characters....What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and now done. I commented and backed it a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise
The Letter

First let me apologies, I backed your book after an initial read and have only just got round to commenting (been editing).

Think your long pitch is brilliant!
You get my vote not only for the great development of Holly, but also for the use of multi-sense narrative description, very, very good. Great myth structure, the call to adventure, the meeting with the hag/wizard… This has the feel of a very well thought out and intelligent book. – Good luck!

Hi Cornelle, This is touching and the character of Holly is bright. It’s also written well for the age level. I liked the memory of the lemon fading ink with the discovery of the box. Holly’s life at home, in contrast, is so dutiful and her parents not mentioning her birthday is something she takes with such equanimity. (Coincidentally, Dec. 17 ia my birthday! Does the text change magically for each person reading?) The open window is really a hook. I liked the blend here of reality and the full-force magic. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

hullo Cornell. a very interestingh story. I like the way you tend to close each chapter with a question leading to the next chapter. giving the reader a chance to speculate. very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Warm and intriguing. Backed with pleasure, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

A good read. There's a mixture of intrigue and realism her that's facinating. C W

A good read. There's a mixture of intrigue and realism her that's facinating. C W

This is a heart warming story and you have crafted a most endearing character in Holly. I do like the premise of your storyline, you use imagery well, you keep the pace flowing nicely through the use of short paragraphs and your imaginative writing ensures that your work will appeal to the children's audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Lovely writing. Smooth, witty, sensitive and great for youngsters.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNAS AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Thanks so much for all the kind words and everything you've done to move my novel upward. I'm so encouraged by your kindness. Michael.

Good story! Bravo! Well done. You've managed to weave a wonderful story and leave hooks to urge the reader forward. I really like this and will gladly put it on my shelf. Dave

I like the first chapter. Started a little slow for me, but then I was grabbed by the box. I would read more. I woild be careful about starting sentences with "and" or "but", but I am sure that just a fear left over from high school english that doesn't have much validity anymore.

RC Shivers
Peninsula

15 July 2010
Star Wishes will entertain its target audience with no difficulty whatsoever. It has empathy galore -- who doesn't hate rules?- and wow! What would you do with three wishes? One of the many excellenty aspects of this book is that it is not dumbed down, it does not talk down, and it has the courage to inject real life, and its lessons, into the story. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla

Cornell,

You have given us a treat to read.

Spankingly good

backed
THE THIRD EYE

Star wishes
Backed
Eveleen

Welcome aboard, Cornell. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch should have the paragraph broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Cornell,

A great story. A bit overly-emotional, but your target readership eats that sort of stuff up. Strong writing, and a great MC. Love how she handles her little brother. I think with a bit of rewriting this book could be a real seller.

A minor point, but one which you should fix: descriptors. I'm not one of the adjective nazis who proliferate this site, but there is a type of modifier that you have to stop using. We have a habit in our society of backing off from strong statements, but putting in words like "fairly" and "slightly" and "a bit". We don't get angry. We get a bit angry. It's much more civilized.

However, you can't do that in writing, because it weakens your story. in Ch 3, for example, why do only" a few" of the shop windows have trees in them? Why is the line of carts in the store "small"? And, worst of all, why does Grace say that Holly has handled her responsibility "quite well"? This is a fairy godmother, not an over-careful parent giving niggardly praise for fear of turning the child's head. You don't give wishes to someone who does "quite well". Let her have her well-deserved praise.

And that brings me to my main comment on this story. You have weakened your theme by breaking one of the rules :-) I can tell from your pitch that you intended to demonstrate a child who is hemmed in by rules, who then rightfully twists the rules in her favour to solve her problems. Great poetic justice. Well, you get the second half right. This kid could give Faust lessons in sophistry! However, you fail to come through with the setup you promised in your pitch. None of the "Dad says…" rules that you list there show up in the story. In fact, you have very carefully (and correctly) removed Dad as a factor in the family, because of his work schedule. This helps set up the challenge which Holly handles so well: to fill in for both parents.

Instead of a character hemmed in by rules, you have developed a strong, self-motivated character who makes her sacrifices willingly, because of the need her family has. Makes for a great MC, but doesn't help your theme.

Anyway, the rule is that you can't use your pitch as a prologue. You have to put that stuff into the story somehow.

If you would like to discuss this further, contact me, because I think this is a good story which could be great.

Well done.

Gordon Long
A Sword Called …Kitten?

Dear Cornell
Another fantastic read. This is my favorite genre, other than my own. So glad I have immersed myself into it. However this book is original and so well crafted. with characters that want to stay in my head and they are welcome to stay. I have a suggestion for your long pitch and that is to put paras in. This may be the first read your potential publisher( and I feel you will surely have one) will have of your book and it may seem a little long. This is only a suggestion. LOVED IT I did
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you review my book, please comment and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Lette

STAR WISHES
This is a good children’s story. Schoolagers and young teenagers will relate to this easily as, like Holly, they also tend to hate rules. She's a bit like Cinderella. I think there’s just enough magic here (the gift of three wishes) to also be appealing. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Read it beginning to end. What an amazing story! There are a few spots that bogged me down a bit, but what a great story! I could hear the wheels turning in Holly's head as she prepared that second wish. I was right there with her as she was cleaning out the tub from the boys. It was really a great read!

Good luck!

Nice synopsis...which leads easily into your story. Appreciate the visuals - you paint with words very well.

jim
jack & charmian london

You are a talented writer with a gifted imagination! Well done and I do think everyone will like this no matter what the age. Backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Now this is what I call a magical story because children will really believe it could happen to them here and now. They don't need to be from another planet, they can be just on their way to school. What a gorgeous child Holly is and how exciting the description of the box and the message. There's a realism in the dying mother and her forgetfulness which is touching and will appeal to adults as well as children. But what a wonderful, exciting and reflective book - not only will children be entertained, they'll be moved and made to think. Brilliant. Backed. lynn