Book Jacket

 

rank 1038
word count 127052
date submitted 16.07.2010
date updated 26.03.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Thriller, Romance...
classification: moderate
complete

Apostle

Lacey Crowe

How do you draw any existing humanity from a murderer? What—if not a taste of their own medicine— could make a homicidal sociopath repent?

 

The final death in a family that had been dwindled down to two by the abuse of alcohol and lack of love has turned Beth into a young drifter. A guitar, a voice and the clothes on her back are all that accompany her on her aimless search for something better than thievery and vagrancy. This search leads her into a partnership with a homicidal sociopath.

Immortality has been the focus of Benji’s life since the ill-grieved death of his mother. Too many people have died as a statistic to shortly after become nameless and forgotten. Death is his art and murder in obscure ways is his life. With his prodigy he hopes to secure an eternal name for his victims.

But then Beth disappears.

She tastes the physical karma of her actions while Benji reaps the emotional toll that comes with the disappearance and presumed death of a loved one.

Apostle is a literary thriller, told by characters you hate to love and introduces a man not so unlike them whom you will love to hate. It is a story of lessons learned, a depiction of the art of manipulation and a dark illustration of the strength of love.

 
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tags

betrayal, fiction, revenge, romance, thriller

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Chapters

27

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A Baited Doe to a Hunter

I got to be blonde that day. A wall of red tinted mirrors pulled my attention to my reflection. I looked so... girlish.

Benji had a moustache and he wore a ball cap that made his hair look mundane and short. He looked very plain. For the first time since I'd met him, I didn't notice one head turn to take in his beauty. I had no idea that something so resplendent could be masked.

I sat with the hotels manual over my lap. Dining. Entertainment. Room service. The lobby was decorated with large, fern trees. It provided the perfect sanctuary for me to peer through the leaves at Benji.

He stood in line behind a man with a buzz cut, navy blue blazer and a dress shirt, mid-thirties. His hair was suffering an early thinning in the back. I could hear the man’s low voice talking to the girl at the front desk but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Benji scribbled on a piece of paper behind him.

Sunday brunch buffet, casino a five minute walk from the hotel.

When I looked up again, Benji was at the front desk and the man was in the elevator. I couldn't hear Benji but I knew his spiel.

He would say, "How far in advance should I book three rooms here?"

No matter what she said, he wouldn't book the rooms. There wouldn't be enough time.

I saw him slap the counter lightly and nod his head as he thanked her. Then Benji went right to the phone booth. A brief and false call later and Benji left the building.

As I made my way to the booth, I made a mental note of the hands on the clock. It was nearing three in the afternoon. The clerk looked at the clock too. The plastic receiver still felt warm in my palm from Benji's touch and I slid a quarter into the slot.

 567-987#. 

A vexing female voice came from the other end of the phone following an odd melody of beeping noises.

"The number you have reached is not in service."

I lifted the phone with the receiver to my ear and turned to the F section of the yellow pages. I picked up the small sheet of paper Benji left me.  

Room 415. Lavallee Shift change soon.

At ten to three, the clerk put her coat on. At five to three a boy wearing a suit went behind the desk and conversed with the clerk. At three o'clock, the female clerk left.

I pushed the curly ends of my golden hair behind my ears and nudged my glasses further up my nose as I entered the elevator. Benji's body shrunk below me as he re-entered the lobby without the moustache and dressed completely different.

The bell rang, the door opened and I exited out onto the fourth floor.

Triangles of brown and orange where outlined with a bubbly rim of cobalt blue on the carpet in the hallway. It was hideous. It was something I may have chosen for the lining of a coffin to lay down the person I hated the most. And that person I didn't know yet.

The walls looked like they were once white but had been splattered with purple by a five-year-old designer with a large paintbrush. Along the long corridor were rectangular light fixtures adhered to the wallpaper, providing a dim glow that made the ends of my wig look yellow.

408.

The doors had tiny peepholes in the middle of their glossy, lancewood finish.

411.

I must have stepped on a wad of gum because the heel of my stiletto was digging into the horrid carpet.

413.

I wasn't nervous. I was anxious. The difference is major.

415.

I knocked on the thick door.

"Who is it?" I heard a low voice call from inside the room.

"My name's Lily. Is this Mr. Lavallee's room?"

The door opened and the man in the flannel shirt stood before me, his eyes wide and his palm against the door frame. 

"This is,” he said. How can I help you?"

I took my glasses off and caught a glint at the corner of my eye where his hand rested on the door. A ring. He was married.

"Is your wife here?" I asked.

He opened the door wider.

"No."

I smiled and looked behind him at the unused bed and the stack of business papers lying across the desk. Away on business can be such a stressful and lonely time in a man’s life.

"Can I come in?" I asked, channelling my sultry voice.

"Sure," he said.

    He motioned me in and the door shut behind me.

"How do you know my name?" he asked.

"Your friend told me," I said.

I sat on the desk over a stack of paper.

"My friend? Who?"

I leaned back with one hand on a sheet of paper and with the other I unzipped the front of my leather jacket so that my bra was showing.

"Paul!” He shouted.

He smiled and began taking his socks off.

“I told him not to do this. How much did he give you?"

"Lots." 

"Like, how much is lots?"

"Like enough for my friend to join," I smiled.

The timing was beautiful. With each kill, our schemes seemed to become smoother and more professional. The man’s head swivelled to the door when he heard the small rap on the wood and he shot to his feet instantly like a baited doe to a hunter.

He opened the door and in an instant his head flew back with a gush of blood spitting from his nose like a recently feasted mosquito slapped dead.

Benji's boot came down over his chest and I heard the door shut and lock.

He was unconscious. His lip was split and bleeding. The brown carpet thirstily gulped his blood and held it in its fibres.

I heard a rib crack as I kicked his side with my gum-covered heel and he choked under Benji's leather glove. He was awake.

Benji held him down as I straddled Mr. Lavallee's body, the nylon over my knees scrunching into tiny accordions as they pushed against the rug. Buttons flew to the walls as I ripped his shirt open. Benji lifted his hand from the man’s mouth, holding his head up by his hair. I shoved as much of the blouse that I could manage down his throat.

Benji wrapped hockey tape around his mouth so tightly that Mr. Lavallee’s face was now in the shape of an hourglass. With the blade of my knife I cut down the middle of his undershirt.  His eyes closed tight and a gust of muted air escaped from his nose. With the tip of my knife I drew a line into his torso from the cracked rib that jutted out of his skin down to his hipbone.

“Hey,” Benji said. “What are you—“ 

"Are all men the same?" I asked the stifled man below me. "You couldn't just love and honour one woman? Your wife? The one you vowed to cherish forever before your God?"

Benji had slumped back on his heels and was staring at me.

Nothing says love like a brand new disease you got from a hooker," I said.

Benji shook his head and laughed. I didn't join him. I didn't find it funny.

I realized that I would’ve laughed at this before. It was one of the things that made us such a good, taunting duo.  Comments like this made the event more fun, more tormenting to the victims who deserved it. But I couldn't laugh at it. Every time I looked at Benji I caught a glimpse of the man he’d become the night before in Hailey'sthe man that gave his love to someone else. And then I realized that as much as I was taunting Mr. Lavallee, my statement was directed toward Benji.

Blackness began to creep into my vision. I looked from Benji, to the man beneath me and back to Benji.

"You're a pig," I said to both of them, looking down at my victim. 

I plunged the knife into the man’s heart and ripped it out in one swift motion.

It wasn't meant to be that way. It was artless. It was without emotion, without fulfillment. It was out of jealousy and hatred that that man died. It was out of loneliness and the loss of hope and the tearing of my black heart that ended his life so abruptly and pointlessly.

And Benji was furious with me.

 

 

 

So they'll still talk about me when I die

Entry July 20, 2002

 

It seems like an evil master has stepped in to push me aside. She's become a monster. She no longer paints. She only kills.

I can't bear to watch her. I feel a lump rise in my throat when she morphs into this ruthless psychopath driven by rage. I want to mourn for the loss of my partner, my creature, my Beth.

I imagine it like being in a cave with tunnels in every direction and only one of them leads out. The others throw you into snake pits and quicksand.

Had I taken the wrong tunnel? Had her beauty and her fervent, black and wonderful soul fed me to the snakes? Or had I wronged her? Hadn't I taught her well?

I find myself flooded with unanswerable questions day by day and by night I worry that she is off on another senseless kill and has gone completely mad.

I can't tell you why I worry so much. I can't tell you what has changed her direction. And I can't predict what will happen next.

I await the day that my beautiful Beth comes back to me.

 

Chapters

27

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Alonwi Carrovella wrote 629 days ago

Wow. Just read the final chapter and bawled like a little bitch. That was one hell of a ride you took me on, Lacey. It began with fear and revulsion, developed into morbid curiosity, blossomed into fascination and slowly became a sort of forbidden love for what should not be, by rights, something adored. I have sat in the dark, my heart pounding, listening to mysterious whispers and praying Benji isn't after me, I've smiled as I watched the love ignite and flare, awakening two young and confused people, I've cheered as blood is spilt, I wept bitter tears of anguish as a psychopath was maimed and raped by another, feeling that karma was a bitch and whilst realizing her punishment was only fate's retribution, still feeling she was greatly wronged, and at last, I cried and felt my heart implode as a man refused to change his ways, maybe frightened about loosing the one thing that has defined him all along, I can't be sure. I feel bereft. You've ended my secret world, my twisted and confusing haven. I've honestly never read anything as special as your book. Thank you so, so, so, so much for uploading your work here and sharing your secret land full of seductive darkness. I am, and will ever be, your adoring fan. I look forward to reading more of your work and have to comment, once again, that I feel somewhat empty now the journey is over.

Regards, admiration and love,
Bragitta Shay

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 842 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

lisawb wrote 978 days ago

From the title down to the finest detail on the cover to the print, this has quality. The writing ooze's suspense, horror and psychological depths. The atmosphere creeps out of the book and chills. The characters are brimming with personality, and the traumatic death of the Mother is threaded in with expertise and skill. The descriptions are concise yet powerful and the writing tight. This is clever writing as the book entices the reader to relate to the killers, and stirs up a turmoil of emotions. A book that ticks all the boxes a thriller should have and introduces additional concepts.

Backed and admired.

Lisa

Laura Freeman wrote 968 days ago

Oh my God! I just read this all the way through. What a cast of complex characters! It amazes me how you can make Benji and Beth, a pair of serial killers, so lovable. This is art at its best. I wish I had half the talent you have, sister. In reading this book, I experienced every emotion possible. I hear you're working on a couple of other books, and if that's true, I cannot wait to read them. You're just plain amazing, Lacey. Backed for sure!

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

Daniel Manning wrote 974 days ago

A very complex story between a serial killer and a young hobo as they confront some home truths about each other. Benji was planning to leave the campsite, but he encounters Beth Holland a passing transient with beautiful features. There is nothing to be gained by killing her because he can't draw any power from someone, who is vacant and empty on the inside. The two have a lot in common, each exhibiting a taste for power inwardly, outwardly adoring each others looks, abhoring the conduct and behaviour of the other, until Beth expresss an interest in the power.
Great story as rationale seems to flitter away like someone had incensed a herd of buffalo to go on a stampede through the campsite.
Composition was faultless neither hurried or rushed, like it is so unnecessary to accelerate the process of writing just to reach a climax, when the real craft and skill is to prolong the writing into a substantial story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

Angelos Alves wrote 413 days ago

Some sick shit but I like it. Nice.

Angelos Alves wrote 413 days ago

Some sick shit but I like it. Nice.

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 629 days ago

Wow. Just read the final chapter and bawled like a little bitch. That was one hell of a ride you took me on, Lacey. It began with fear and revulsion, developed into morbid curiosity, blossomed into fascination and slowly became a sort of forbidden love for what should not be, by rights, something adored. I have sat in the dark, my heart pounding, listening to mysterious whispers and praying Benji isn't after me, I've smiled as I watched the love ignite and flare, awakening two young and confused people, I've cheered as blood is spilt, I wept bitter tears of anguish as a psychopath was maimed and raped by another, feeling that karma was a bitch and whilst realizing her punishment was only fate's retribution, still feeling she was greatly wronged, and at last, I cried and felt my heart implode as a man refused to change his ways, maybe frightened about loosing the one thing that has defined him all along, I can't be sure. I feel bereft. You've ended my secret world, my twisted and confusing haven. I've honestly never read anything as special as your book. Thank you so, so, so, so much for uploading your work here and sharing your secret land full of seductive darkness. I am, and will ever be, your adoring fan. I look forward to reading more of your work and have to comment, once again, that I feel somewhat empty now the journey is over.

Regards, admiration and love,
Bragitta Shay

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 648 days ago

Wait, WHAT?!?!? PLEASE don't tell me chapter 36 is it??????????????????? Seriously??? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE upload more!!! The first thing I did when I realised my new phone let me read books on Authonomy, was recommence my reading of Apostle. And now I feel bereft. So once again, though I've really overused this word, PLEASE upload more!!!!

EltopiaAuthor wrote 814 days ago

Gosh, I am sorry, but I am just not likely to back this story, even though I think it has been revised and improved since the last time I reviewed it. If you were to ask me why, I would have to say something intangilbe, such as, "I don't like the feeling I get from reading it." I am sorry I cannot be more specific than that. Perhaps you will find a differnt audience for the book. It seems you certainly have put a lot of effort into it. I wish you well. FEL

EltopiaAuthor wrote 814 days ago

Gosh, I am sorry, but I am just not likely to back this story, even though I think it has been revised and improved since the last time I reviewed it. If you were to ask me why, I would have to say something intangilbe, such as, "I don't like the feeling I get from reading it." I am sorry I cannot be more specific than that. Perhaps you will find a differnt audience for the book. It seems you certainly have put a lot of effort into it. I wish you well. FEL

Ivan Amberlake wrote 819 days ago

Lacey,

At a certain point I even decided to check if it was Fiction, and ‘phew!’, yes it is. You write like a maniac! This is so engrossing that I can’t stop reading “Apostle”. Thriller is one of my most favourite genres, and you’ve created a hell of a stunner here.

Heart thumping wildly, stars strewn copiuously with great pleasure.

Ivan
The Beholder

LD Hilley II wrote 834 days ago

Hauntingly brilliant!!!

Leonard D. Hilley II
Predators of Darkness

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 842 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 842 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

Andy M. Potter wrote 940 days ago

Hi Lacey, powerful writing. grabbed me instantly. your MC is a great creation: an artist of the blood.
on my shelf.
when i like something, i read more carefully, to try to offer a valid critique. no macro quibbles.
on a very minor editing note, maybe trim a few adverbs/adjectives? not that i do in my own stuff. ;)

e.g., in Lab of the Madman section:
"deeply tucked" - maybe "tucked" is good enough, as the next phrase tells how it is in a santuary, etc.
"miraculously clear day" - does "clear day" tell the reader enough in this context?

great story. very best wishes, andy

Crowel wrote 944 days ago

Lacey,
This is a very intriguing novel. I read your first chapter and was very impressed. The paranoia, mixed with the subtle egotism of Benji makes for a very believable character flirting with insanity. However, I think most people will feel as though they can connect with him. He isn't so far gone that he is unrealistic at all. Very well done.

I did have one comment though. You said that the mother died on the living room floor. Then later said that she died when she pushed the protagonist out of the way and got run over by a backhoe. Was the backhoe in the house?

Otherwise, great job. Backed previously.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn



Haha. No the backhoe was not in the house. It was in a dream.

GuardsMann81 wrote 944 days ago

Lacey,
This is a very intriguing novel. I read your first chapter and was very impressed. The paranoia, mixed with the subtle egotism of Benji makes for a very believable character flirting with insanity. However, I think most people will feel as though they can connect with him. He isn't so far gone that he is unrealistic at all. Very well done.

I did have one comment though. You said that the mother died on the living room floor. Then later said that she died when she pushed the protagonist out of the way and got run over by a backhoe. Was the backhoe in the house?

Otherwise, great job. Backed previously.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

DMR wrote 957 days ago

Wow - dark, creepy, passionate, fierce.. bone-chilling - these are the words I was thinking as I read the first few chapters - a pleasure to dive into and get into the heads of your main characters - very well done - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

mturner wrote 958 days ago

this is very dark and has a great deal of depth.

only read chapter 1 so far but it is easy to tell that this is a book that will keep me coming back.

thanks for the talents, i will be back again soon for more

matt

Lara wrote 959 days ago

This is a really good idea for a novel. The diary entries worked very well and I loved the murderer's rationales. You keep the pace in the other chapters and altogether it's an excellent read. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Phyllis Burton wrote 960 days ago

Hello Lacey, This is a fascinatingly complex read and horrific in its intensity. Well done and good luck.
BACKED.
Phyllis
A PASSING STORM

sirhardbody wrote 964 days ago

Lacey, Apostle is a book that is very well crafted with characters that are vividly crafted.
You use short paragraphs which keeps the pace of your book flowing nicely and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. You have a nice pace in revealing Benji and his playground at the Orange Grove campsite of Lake Guntersville. A homicidial sociopath is a difficult personality to track, yours is well done.
This story is really creapy which does what it should. well done.
I am commenting on behalf Larry, he is curretly incarcerated...If you get a chance could you look at my poetry?
Njoy
*moods and expressions

Su Dan wrote 964 days ago

this is written with good pace, and you keep us hooked...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

minx2minx wrote 968 days ago

Hi Lacey,
What a twist at the end. This has been one fantastic read from the first word right through to the last.
Thank you for posting it all...I can have nightmares forever now lol.
Good luck with all you write.
Lizzie :-)

Laura Freeman wrote 968 days ago

Oh my God! I just read this all the way through. What a cast of complex characters! It amazes me how you can make Benji and Beth, a pair of serial killers, so lovable. This is art at its best. I wish I had half the talent you have, sister. In reading this book, I experienced every emotion possible. I hear you're working on a couple of other books, and if that's true, I cannot wait to read them. You're just plain amazing, Lacey. Backed for sure!

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

Shigley wrote 970 days ago

Lacey -

I can tell you've done great research for this book, and I love the way you've put everything together. I'm sure it will be published!

Backed with pleasure.
Len
The Elijah Factor

name falied moderation wrote 974 days ago

Dear Lacey


It is so good to see that your book was well received. I have already commented and backed your book, and as at times the backing have not shown, i will back your again, just to MAKE SURE.
I do wish you the very best with your writing

Denise
The Letter

J A Humm wrote 974 days ago

Your writing style is neat and to the point, so the narrative flows really well. The only thing I'd say is that the story takes a while to get in to. Perhaps instead of beginning with a backstory ie. an explanation of why the narrator has become this cold-blooded person, consider finding the first bit of action or conflict, starting the story in the middle of it, and then pausing to fill the reader in on the missing information a bit later.

In your pitch, I'd remove the cliche about 'people have become a statistic'. HOW did that ever come about to be a popular phrase? It should be banned. It's ridiculous mainly because quite obviously everyone in a particular cohort is part of the statistic, whether they're the 13% of people who had the thing happen to them or the 87% who didn't. Sorry... the pedantic scientist in me is creeping out... I'll shut it up now.

Good writing nonetheless. I wish you success.

J A Humm
(The Retreat)

Despinas1 wrote 974 days ago

Dear Lacey,
Your work is simply amazing..... Whilst I've not had time to read past the first chapter, I can tell its potential. Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

SusieGulick wrote 974 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Lacey! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Eveleen wrote 974 days ago

Apostle
A well crafted story
Backed
Eveleen(Turning a new leaf)

Daniel Manning wrote 974 days ago

A very complex story between a serial killer and a young hobo as they confront some home truths about each other. Benji was planning to leave the campsite, but he encounters Beth Holland a passing transient with beautiful features. There is nothing to be gained by killing her because he can't draw any power from someone, who is vacant and empty on the inside. The two have a lot in common, each exhibiting a taste for power inwardly, outwardly adoring each others looks, abhoring the conduct and behaviour of the other, until Beth expresss an interest in the power.
Great story as rationale seems to flitter away like someone had incensed a herd of buffalo to go on a stampede through the campsite.
Composition was faultless neither hurried or rushed, like it is so unnecessary to accelerate the process of writing just to reach a climax, when the real craft and skill is to prolong the writing into a substantial story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

edwardlsmith wrote 974 days ago

First of all, great cover! I love the style and dictation. Gruesome details of a person's psyche remains one of my most favorite things about books. I love to see the breakdown of a character or the way a character acts based on his or hers emotional stability. I cant wait to read more.

minx2minx wrote 975 days ago

Hi Lacey,
just done reading the rest of what you have here...awesome, brilliant...I want to buy this book when it's published.
Keeping you on my WL to see if you add more chapters.
All the best.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Crowel wrote 975 days ago

Wow, this really is addictive. I love prologues and yours certainly give a taste of what is to come - murder and torture, though I don't know if "prologue" is the correct title for it as you returning to it at the end of the first chapter. I really wish I had more time. I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I want to know more. What a monster! "I would love to be a surgeon Slicing through flesh and fat and plahing with vital organs...." Backed without hesitation. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.



Thank you Lynne. Just to clarify... the ending doesn't return to the prologue. It's just a diary entry and if you look closer it's a much earlier one. The entries are written throughout the story.

Lynne wrote 975 days ago

Wow, this really is addictive. I love prologues and yours certainly give a taste of what is to come - murder and torture, though I don't know if "prologue" is the correct title for it as you returning to it at the end of the first chapter. I really wish I had more time. I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I want to know more. What a monster! "I would love to be a surgeon Slicing through flesh and fat and plahing with vital organs...." Backed without hesitation. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

teremoto wrote 975 days ago

Beth is steaming with attitude due to a tough beginning. This is served up to the reader in a very tightly written narrative with just the right balance of no-nonsense narrative and dialogue. From the pitch and the first few chapters, the plot seems well thought out and constructed to build and intrigue.

Suzalex wrote 976 days ago

Not much I can add to the blow comments. You write as a writer should.
Outstanding.

Suz

Lynne Ellison wrote 977 days ago

very dark tale

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Crowel wrote 977 days ago

Hi Lacy, I am a litte confused by the prologue and the length of Chapter one why is it not broken up? Anyhow chapter 36 is great and I like the comments at the start of the chapter. I wish you the very best in your writing endeavors. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley



I recently added something to the prologue that made it longer. I'll separate it tonight when I have a better connection. Thanks!

wespollet wrote 977 days ago

Hi Lacy, I am a litte confused by the prologue and the length of Chapter one why is it not broken up? Anyhow chapter 36 is great and I like the comments at the start of the chapter. I wish you the very best in your writing endeavors. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Cly wrote 977 days ago

Hi Lacey,
Wow . . . this is a gripping beginning, absolutely incredible. I only have one suggestion, that being . . . and I know it's a pain, and I'm probably not one to talk, but the first chapter is a little lengthy, and I'm not suggesting cutting any of the material; I absolutely loved it, but I pop on and off the site to read, and sometimes it's a bit difficult to find my cut-off. But not to worry, I will definately be coming back regardless . . . riveting read, one of the best I have been priviledged enough to come across.
Best of Luck
Cly (Hybrid)

minx2minx wrote 978 days ago

Hi again Lacey,
been so busy with work that I've only now found some time to sit and read, and sadly not got enough time to read all you added. What I have read though is great. I love how this story is progressing and will read the last 3 chapters when I get home tomorrow night...for now though my head needs to meet my pillow and I hope my dreams are about sweeter things than your book lol.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Jehmka wrote 978 days ago

I like the pitch, the cover, and the title. The first person narrative voice sounds very much like a confused teen-aged girl. She is scattered and filled with contradictions. She is obviously ego driven , and uncertain of her feelings (perhaps because she doesn’t understand them.) She seems to be in denial of her uncertainty. She is clearly stubborn, and very angry, and like most confused teen-age girls, her anger is misdirected. She seems to identify with being abnormal (ego,) and prides herself on her lack of compassion. I like it that this is more shown than told. It can be a bit of a challenge sorting out the real from the imagined here, the truth from the ego driven delusions, perhaps too challenging (I struggled,) but this is better than having the subtleties pointed out to you.
I don’t understand the idea of calling that first part a prologue. Why is if not chapter one?
I wonder if there might be a way of making the prologue, and the first chapter a little less confusing without dumbing it down. Perhaps it’s just me.
I dipped into later chapters and found the writing mostly clear and concise, with intelligent word choices and well-structured sentences and paragraphs. It’s a big story… long. Lacey has a good sense of rhythm in her writing. I suspect she’ll do well with it if she persists... and I hope she does.

Backed with pleasure…
Rodney Jones
The Father

lisawb wrote 978 days ago

From the title down to the finest detail on the cover to the print, this has quality. The writing ooze's suspense, horror and psychological depths. The atmosphere creeps out of the book and chills. The characters are brimming with personality, and the traumatic death of the Mother is threaded in with expertise and skill. The descriptions are concise yet powerful and the writing tight. This is clever writing as the book entices the reader to relate to the killers, and stirs up a turmoil of emotions. A book that ticks all the boxes a thriller should have and introduces additional concepts.

Backed and admired.

Lisa

rab14 wrote 979 days ago

getting into the mind of a killer is a difficult concept to grasp but you managed the first chapter with skill. Beth , the society of the disenfranchised, the lab of the madman - each paragraph slowly built up the horror. THe ending of chapter one gives insight into the scope of the killer's depravation. Good Luck K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen.

La Marmonie wrote 981 days ago

Your Prologue is powerful. From what I have read, there is promise of a powerful story. I have put it in my Watch List.

Check out God of the Cocoa, if you have chance. I would be grateful for comments.
Thanks!

Marilyn Rodwell

lj reads wrote 982 days ago

Your writing is very descriptive and detailed. You have a natural talent. I enjoyed reading your book. It's quite lengthy. You have put a lot of long hours into it. I hope it does well!

minx2minx wrote 982 days ago

Think I'm going to let you sit on my shelf so everyone knows...this is one bloody Good Read...done it again though...read all you've downloaded and now need to get some shut eye as have work in a few hours.
Awesome book Lacey
Lizzie :-)

Jayboid wrote 983 days ago

Whoa! Whoa! This is some heavy stuff, girl! Your narrative voice is strong, colloquial, loose. You carry the reader along with your tempo. Eyes the green gray color of the inside of an avocado!!! Indeed... No stilted phraseology here. Your characters could be dragged screaming out of pulp fiction. This is one of the better stories I've read here, or anyplace else. I will bookshelving it tomorrow. I was going to put it on my watchlist tonight and read it tomorrow. But I made the mistake of reading the first two paragraphs... and then I was off. I've got a tight group of four books on my shelf now. They need to stay there until tomorrow. You are GOOD!!!!

Jay Squires
"Eddie and the Boxcar Painter"
"Keeping Score"

scrapper2675 wrote 983 days ago

This is an unbelievable read! Well crafted, well researched, well planned. Cold, methodical, cunning and cruel, your grasp for gripping the reader is superb! I am backing and keeping for a long time! *standing ovation*
Christi Watson
Wonder: Heart of Captivation- A Thief of Life Novel

Cariad wrote 984 days ago

What a chilling voice in the opening. Chilling because it's not overdone or 'obvious.' Chilling because it's so cold and matter of fact. Disturbing. The voice is the thing with this story and it's what carries it. This is first person that works - I shall mention it on the forum thread. Really very accomplished and happily backed by me.
Polly
STONES.

COOKIE GAWAIN wrote 986 days ago

A leisurely style for 1st person, a condescending, down in the nose narrative that pulls the reader in for more. Backed

SueAnn Jackson Land wrote 987 days ago

“Home is a secret I want to keep” sent chills down my spine. I had to keep looking back at your age and tell you that I wish I had written half as well, then. Your descriptive prose is elegant and you falter only with punctuation. You’ve got a really good start here and I have to admit that I’ve read way too many serial killer and vamp stories on Autho… but “Apostle” is enticing. The narrator seems reasonable enough, affable, even. We’ll see.

SueAnn Jackson Land
The Truth About Whales

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