Book Jacket

 

rank 1043
word count 127052
date submitted 16.07.2010
date updated 26.03.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Thriller, Romance...
classification: moderate
complete

Apostle

Lacey Crowe

How do you draw any existing humanity from a murderer? What—if not a taste of their own medicine— could make a homicidal sociopath repent?

 

The final death in a family that had been dwindled down to two by the abuse of alcohol and lack of love has turned Beth into a young drifter. A guitar, a voice and the clothes on her back are all that accompany her on her aimless search for something better than thievery and vagrancy. This search leads her into a partnership with a homicidal sociopath.

Immortality has been the focus of Benji’s life since the ill-grieved death of his mother. Too many people have died as a statistic to shortly after become nameless and forgotten. Death is his art and murder in obscure ways is his life. With his prodigy he hopes to secure an eternal name for his victims.

But then Beth disappears.

She tastes the physical karma of her actions while Benji reaps the emotional toll that comes with the disappearance and presumed death of a loved one.

Apostle is a literary thriller, told by characters you hate to love and introduces a man not so unlike them whom you will love to hate. It is a story of lessons learned, a depiction of the art of manipulation and a dark illustration of the strength of love.

 
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tags

betrayal, fiction, revenge, romance, thriller

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50

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Distant of Sanity

I had only made it to the door before Kyle summoned his strength, got up from the tiles, and yanked me back by my hair.

As I was pulled from my knees, I felt the swelling that had formed on them from my frantic crawling. I had banged my bones against the floor in hopes of getting to Benji faster.

Kyle scooped me up in his arms and I let out a half scream of pain with the hopes of calling attention to my whereabouts. But his revolting hand cut me off short, pressing hard over my mouth and reducing my hollering to muffles.

His skin smelt like sweat and urine and I could see the dirt crusted in a pile under his nails that were lined in blood. I felt his fingers digging into my cheeks and he squeezed my mouth so tight that my teeth began to cut through my tongue.

"Don't you fucking say a word," he whispered.

Kyle put me down on the counter under the mirrors and pressed my spine up against the glass as he leaned all of his weight into me. He was suffocating me with his palm and that acrid stench.

In the silence I could hear Benji's heavy panting and swearing as he trudged on, stumbling into the walls on his way down the hall. I could tell that he was coming toward us and I was both horrified and elated.

I tried to cry under Kyle's palm but that only made him press harder. Finally he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife.

"Shut the fuck up," he whispered angrily.

He stared into my eyes, evil spreading out of him and into me. He brought the knife up to my throat and pressed the tip of it through my skin.

Behind the sound of increasingly approaching feet was hyperventilating breath. It sounded like my hero was having either a heart attack or an asthma attack. That couldn’t be Benji. Benji was always in control. He never trembled. He never gasped or cried. My muscles fell limp as I suddenly believed that it wasn't Benji on the outside of those walls.

An officer, maybe? A lone teenager checking out the haunted theatre? A bum looking for shelter?

Whoever it was had fallen upon the wrong path. Kyle was ready to drive his knife into the chest of the intruder. He was aching to shed more blood, completely consumed by an insistent feeling of raw and ruthless murder. He had his knife gripped in a hermetic hold above his head, shaking with the itch to bring it down hard.

As the footsteps came close to the edge of the door, Kyle's grip on my mouth began to loosen. I felt the inside of my cheeks slip out from between my teeth. My mouth was cut and I drank the blood down my throat as Kyle inched away from me and toward the door.

The shadow of the feet outside of the door seeped in from underneath it. He would come inside and be killed in less than a second of entry. And with that half of a second I had to think, Kyle let go of my mouth completely and I grabbed hold of his wrist. I brought his arm to my mouth and chomped down on his veins, piercing his skin with my teeth.

Kyle’s screams were fading in the distance of my sanity as his blood come out of his wrist and swirled around my tongue, mixing with mine and coating my teeth with his evil, red juice.

He grabbed my hair and violently swung the back of my head into the mirror. Then the door to the shower room flew open and bounced off his shoulder.

My vision quickly became impaired by the blow to my head. I was also swooning at the thought of the amount of Kyle's monstrous blood I'd just consumed. As a result, the next few things I saw were in a blur.

The two men looked like shadows. They crashed into walls, heads flying back and forward, banging against each other. I saw the glint of weapons reflecting back from the mirror behind me. Each of the shadows pulled the knives out like swords, continually stabbing at each other with them. Both of the shadows were the same size and it was sometimes hard to tell which one belonged to Kyle. But then I saw the flowing hair of the other man swooping down past his chin. I wanted that shadow to win.

The gleam of Kyle's knife disappeared and at first I thought that he'd lost it, dropped it down to the floor by mistake, and was now unarmed. But then I noticed that the blade had not disappeared out of Kyle's hand. It had disappeared into the body of the other man, and come back out again coated in the shadow of blood so that I could no longer see it.

The other man crouched down and I could see in the silhouette of his bent knees that he was facing me. The black mop on his head disappeared as he looked up and I could see the outline of a white face.

"Beth," he said.

I tried to make myself see better by rubbing at my eyes and I leaned forward. But my vision just shifted in and out, repeatedly failing to focus. 

Kyle's shadow loomed up over the other mans’ crouched back. In the monsters’ hand, high above his head, was the shape of a mallet. I tried to warn the man with my face, opening my blurry eyes up wide and making sure that they were not looking at him, but at Kyle.

The shadow of the man moved to the side and he lunged down just as Kyle swung forward, his head bouncing off the counter between my knees. And the other man stabbed Kyle in the thigh.

Kyle fell forward again and knocked his greasy head back on my knees. This time I caught him by the hair and I pulled him up to meet my face. The other shadow lingered in the background of my weak sight.

I pressed my nose to Kyle's as I spit his blood back into his face. I rubbed my eyes once more before I smacked his cheek and let the blood spurt out of the side of his mouth.

That's when I started to see better—when I'd finally let the psycho inside of me come out. I could see much better when I finally had the death of the monster in my grasp.

Kyle's eyes came into focus, scared and shaking. The blackness around them taunted me, blurring the white of his skin in with the walls behind him. I leaned in closer and focused my eyes on his again.

My vision swayed from left to right, forward and back, as though I were controlling the zoom lens to my brain. And then it stopped and cleared.

I could see the spots of gray in Kyle's skin. I could see the black lines dripping down from his lids to his cheeks like the reverberation of waves. I saw the crimson crust forming at the corner of his mouth, which was moving in and out and up and down awkwardly. His tongue circled around his mouth and his teeth chewed at his lips. I could see the fear in his face. The malicious creature was afraid for the first and last time in his life. I could see that.

And I could see Benji.

 

 

She was leaning against the mirror, the date pressed behind her in the path that a finger had made through the mildew. She looked like a corpse. Again, I thought that she was dead, as I'd assumed for the past three excruciating days of my life. But then her eyes fluttered in a slow blink.

Her mouth was covered in blood. She looked like she’d just feasted on a poisonous animal. But the beauty that she was alive itself was enough to make me see past the horror before me.

I'd been stabbed in the hip. My scalp had been ripped open and the bone in my shin was either extremely inflamed, or it was broken. Yet, I didn't feel a thing. Nothing mattered but saving Beth and killing the fuck out of the man who did this to her.

Beth lifted the guy’s head up and stared down at him. I couldn't help but tremble and I dropped my weapon to the side in awe.

Her eyes were vacant. She was so far away from where she actually was—here with her captors head in her hands. The look she gave him was almost endearing, as though she were saying goodbye to him and she were actually devastated to let him go. This was the first moment that I feared her and it made me feel sick.

She rubbed her hands over his face, tracing the outline of his jaw and cheekbones like a mother would do to her child. And he didn't move. She paralyzed him with her touch and with her eyes. He just stared back up at her. 

I wanted to slice my knife though the middle of his back. I wanted to cut the ugly fuck in half. More than that, I wanted Beth's eyes to see me. But she didn't look like she even knew who I was. She didn't look like Beth.

As she soothed the man’s face with her docile fingers, I ran my eyes up and down her body. She was almost completely naked, save for the important parts. Over her arms and thighs her skin had been scratched, like a cat had come in and mauled her. Her ribs were jutting out from their regular place on her right side and it looked almost like some kind of deformed skeleton of a demon child were growing inside of her.

She was pale with dark circles surrounding her yellowed, malnourished eyes. She had a large scar on her leg and her right breast was slashed from the upper, fleshiest part to her collarbone. She was rake thin.

That's when I saw the part of her body that pained me the most and sent my moment of shock into high-gear vengeance. Between her legs, from mid thigh and up and hiding behind her clothes, her skin was red and rash covered and completely raw. Just like the little girl in the field.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

50

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Alonwi Carrovella wrote 660 days ago

Wow. Just read the final chapter and bawled like a little bitch. That was one hell of a ride you took me on, Lacey. It began with fear and revulsion, developed into morbid curiosity, blossomed into fascination and slowly became a sort of forbidden love for what should not be, by rights, something adored. I have sat in the dark, my heart pounding, listening to mysterious whispers and praying Benji isn't after me, I've smiled as I watched the love ignite and flare, awakening two young and confused people, I've cheered as blood is spilt, I wept bitter tears of anguish as a psychopath was maimed and raped by another, feeling that karma was a bitch and whilst realizing her punishment was only fate's retribution, still feeling she was greatly wronged, and at last, I cried and felt my heart implode as a man refused to change his ways, maybe frightened about loosing the one thing that has defined him all along, I can't be sure. I feel bereft. You've ended my secret world, my twisted and confusing haven. I've honestly never read anything as special as your book. Thank you so, so, so, so much for uploading your work here and sharing your secret land full of seductive darkness. I am, and will ever be, your adoring fan. I look forward to reading more of your work and have to comment, once again, that I feel somewhat empty now the journey is over.

Regards, admiration and love,
Bragitta Shay

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 874 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

lisawb wrote 1009 days ago

From the title down to the finest detail on the cover to the print, this has quality. The writing ooze's suspense, horror and psychological depths. The atmosphere creeps out of the book and chills. The characters are brimming with personality, and the traumatic death of the Mother is threaded in with expertise and skill. The descriptions are concise yet powerful and the writing tight. This is clever writing as the book entices the reader to relate to the killers, and stirs up a turmoil of emotions. A book that ticks all the boxes a thriller should have and introduces additional concepts.

Backed and admired.

Lisa

Laura Freeman wrote 1000 days ago

Oh my God! I just read this all the way through. What a cast of complex characters! It amazes me how you can make Benji and Beth, a pair of serial killers, so lovable. This is art at its best. I wish I had half the talent you have, sister. In reading this book, I experienced every emotion possible. I hear you're working on a couple of other books, and if that's true, I cannot wait to read them. You're just plain amazing, Lacey. Backed for sure!

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

Daniel Manning wrote 1006 days ago

A very complex story between a serial killer and a young hobo as they confront some home truths about each other. Benji was planning to leave the campsite, but he encounters Beth Holland a passing transient with beautiful features. There is nothing to be gained by killing her because he can't draw any power from someone, who is vacant and empty on the inside. The two have a lot in common, each exhibiting a taste for power inwardly, outwardly adoring each others looks, abhoring the conduct and behaviour of the other, until Beth expresss an interest in the power.
Great story as rationale seems to flitter away like someone had incensed a herd of buffalo to go on a stampede through the campsite.
Composition was faultless neither hurried or rushed, like it is so unnecessary to accelerate the process of writing just to reach a climax, when the real craft and skill is to prolong the writing into a substantial story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

Angelos Alves wrote 445 days ago

Some sick shit but I like it. Nice.

Angelos Alves wrote 445 days ago

Some sick shit but I like it. Nice.

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 660 days ago

Wow. Just read the final chapter and bawled like a little bitch. That was one hell of a ride you took me on, Lacey. It began with fear and revulsion, developed into morbid curiosity, blossomed into fascination and slowly became a sort of forbidden love for what should not be, by rights, something adored. I have sat in the dark, my heart pounding, listening to mysterious whispers and praying Benji isn't after me, I've smiled as I watched the love ignite and flare, awakening two young and confused people, I've cheered as blood is spilt, I wept bitter tears of anguish as a psychopath was maimed and raped by another, feeling that karma was a bitch and whilst realizing her punishment was only fate's retribution, still feeling she was greatly wronged, and at last, I cried and felt my heart implode as a man refused to change his ways, maybe frightened about loosing the one thing that has defined him all along, I can't be sure. I feel bereft. You've ended my secret world, my twisted and confusing haven. I've honestly never read anything as special as your book. Thank you so, so, so, so much for uploading your work here and sharing your secret land full of seductive darkness. I am, and will ever be, your adoring fan. I look forward to reading more of your work and have to comment, once again, that I feel somewhat empty now the journey is over.

Regards, admiration and love,
Bragitta Shay

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 680 days ago

Wait, WHAT?!?!? PLEASE don't tell me chapter 36 is it??????????????????? Seriously??? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE upload more!!! The first thing I did when I realised my new phone let me read books on Authonomy, was recommence my reading of Apostle. And now I feel bereft. So once again, though I've really overused this word, PLEASE upload more!!!!

EltopiaAuthor wrote 845 days ago

Gosh, I am sorry, but I am just not likely to back this story, even though I think it has been revised and improved since the last time I reviewed it. If you were to ask me why, I would have to say something intangilbe, such as, "I don't like the feeling I get from reading it." I am sorry I cannot be more specific than that. Perhaps you will find a differnt audience for the book. It seems you certainly have put a lot of effort into it. I wish you well. FEL

EltopiaAuthor wrote 845 days ago

Gosh, I am sorry, but I am just not likely to back this story, even though I think it has been revised and improved since the last time I reviewed it. If you were to ask me why, I would have to say something intangilbe, such as, "I don't like the feeling I get from reading it." I am sorry I cannot be more specific than that. Perhaps you will find a differnt audience for the book. It seems you certainly have put a lot of effort into it. I wish you well. FEL

Ivan Amberlake wrote 851 days ago

Lacey,

At a certain point I even decided to check if it was Fiction, and ‘phew!’, yes it is. You write like a maniac! This is so engrossing that I can’t stop reading “Apostle”. Thriller is one of my most favourite genres, and you’ve created a hell of a stunner here.

Heart thumping wildly, stars strewn copiuously with great pleasure.

Ivan
The Beholder

LD Hilley II wrote 865 days ago

Hauntingly brilliant!!!

Leonard D. Hilley II
Predators of Darkness

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 874 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

Alonwi Carrovella wrote 874 days ago

Your story is spellbinding. I started a while ago and haven’t been able to read it until now which killed me! When I start reading your writing I literally forget I have to do things like sleep and wake up early in the morning and that I can’t actually sit in one spot reading all day because my mom would kill me. The thing that got me was there were so few mistakes in your writing that I noticed. When I read my work, I notice LOADS. Yours is so professional and fluent that the chapters fly by.

Your story line is somewhat disturbing, or at least it should be, but I’ve found myself cheering Beth on as she murders and maims and I feel elated as Benji paints his canvas red.

I’ve found myself looking at people and imagining how I’d kill them. I hope I don’t sound like a complete nut case.

You’ve managed to take a taboo and somehow make it seem glamorous and exciting and strangely fun and artistic. I’ve just finished chapter 15 and all I can say is I’ve gotta read it all! In your pitch you mention a “homicidal sociopath” but I LOVE your characters!

I’m in love with Beth. Absolutely taken by Benji and infuriated by the singing girl in the red dress. I want to run her through with Beth’s medieval gold hilted sword and watch her eyes loll as blood streams from the corner of her mouth. I want so badly for Benji and Beth to end up together and Miss Red Dress is fucking it all up!!!!!

I love the way you developed the relationship between Beth and Benji [how he buys “Bloody Beth for her too! Aaw!] and the journey Beth takes to becoming a highly loveable though psychopathic murderer. I like the way Benji is so caring towards Beth. It humanizes him. And the way Beth is able to form a friendship with Sam also lightens her character. It goes towards making them both even more endearing.

I sympathize with Beth because of what Benji awakened within her, rather than made her. A part of me wants to dislike him for this but, although Beth was led into it, she seems to enjoy it, so my resentment towards Benji lessens.

I still can’t get over how you’ve made what should be villains, heroes, and what should be victims, prey. I found my mindset changing completely and I actually began to share in Beth and Benji’s weird high.

Psychologically, emotionally, The Apostle pulls strings. I think this would make a brilliant movie! For the first time since Sweeny Todd, I find myself rooting for the murderers. And I must say that was largely due to Johnny Depp starring in the movie and well I think I love Benji more so DAMN! All I can say is I take my hat off to you! If I had it my way, you’d be a famous, published author and I’d have a first edition, autographed copy of your book and I’d be the official President of your fan club. As it is, I have no doubts that several of these things shall come to pass very soon.

Some of my favourite phrases in The Apostle:
*“Black heart blushes gray for” – LOVE It!
*“I’m a fucking ninja!” - =) [ha ha! Me too! Lol]
*“I’m sure even my bare ass would have blushed red” – LOVE IT!
*End of chapter 8 – “Within the following forty-eight hours I would commit my first murder” – what a hook!!!!! Brilliant!
*“I know only that a feeling has arisen inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Like a wave is washing through my lungs and drowning me; a strange flutter that makes me feel like I’m at a complete loss for words. And above all, I feel an immense urge to protect her from everything.” – this is so beautiful!
*“Thank you, Ian, for lending your body to me.” ha ha ha! Love it =)
*“Ya. Not you. I love ya like I would love a dog if I had one.” Love it!
*“The stink...was capable of inducing projectile vomit” – brilliant!
*“He watched over me like my own personal, dark angel.” I WANT ONE!


I’d wish you luck but you don’t need it.

All the best,
Bragitta Shay
“REGENESIS”
“The Prophecy”

Andy M. Potter wrote 971 days ago

Hi Lacey, powerful writing. grabbed me instantly. your MC is a great creation: an artist of the blood.
on my shelf.
when i like something, i read more carefully, to try to offer a valid critique. no macro quibbles.
on a very minor editing note, maybe trim a few adverbs/adjectives? not that i do in my own stuff. ;)

e.g., in Lab of the Madman section:
"deeply tucked" - maybe "tucked" is good enough, as the next phrase tells how it is in a santuary, etc.
"miraculously clear day" - does "clear day" tell the reader enough in this context?

great story. very best wishes, andy

Crowel wrote 975 days ago

Lacey,
This is a very intriguing novel. I read your first chapter and was very impressed. The paranoia, mixed with the subtle egotism of Benji makes for a very believable character flirting with insanity. However, I think most people will feel as though they can connect with him. He isn't so far gone that he is unrealistic at all. Very well done.

I did have one comment though. You said that the mother died on the living room floor. Then later said that she died when she pushed the protagonist out of the way and got run over by a backhoe. Was the backhoe in the house?

Otherwise, great job. Backed previously.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn



Haha. No the backhoe was not in the house. It was in a dream.

GuardsMann81 wrote 975 days ago

Lacey,
This is a very intriguing novel. I read your first chapter and was very impressed. The paranoia, mixed with the subtle egotism of Benji makes for a very believable character flirting with insanity. However, I think most people will feel as though they can connect with him. He isn't so far gone that he is unrealistic at all. Very well done.

I did have one comment though. You said that the mother died on the living room floor. Then later said that she died when she pushed the protagonist out of the way and got run over by a backhoe. Was the backhoe in the house?

Otherwise, great job. Backed previously.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

DMR wrote 988 days ago

Wow - dark, creepy, passionate, fierce.. bone-chilling - these are the words I was thinking as I read the first few chapters - a pleasure to dive into and get into the heads of your main characters - very well done - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

mturner wrote 990 days ago

this is very dark and has a great deal of depth.

only read chapter 1 so far but it is easy to tell that this is a book that will keep me coming back.

thanks for the talents, i will be back again soon for more

matt

Lara wrote 990 days ago

This is a really good idea for a novel. The diary entries worked very well and I loved the murderer's rationales. You keep the pace in the other chapters and altogether it's an excellent read. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Phyllis Burton wrote 992 days ago

Hello Lacey, This is a fascinatingly complex read and horrific in its intensity. Well done and good luck.
BACKED.
Phyllis
A PASSING STORM

sirhardbody wrote 995 days ago

Lacey, Apostle is a book that is very well crafted with characters that are vividly crafted.
You use short paragraphs which keeps the pace of your book flowing nicely and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. You have a nice pace in revealing Benji and his playground at the Orange Grove campsite of Lake Guntersville. A homicidial sociopath is a difficult personality to track, yours is well done.
This story is really creapy which does what it should. well done.
I am commenting on behalf Larry, he is curretly incarcerated...If you get a chance could you look at my poetry?
Njoy
*moods and expressions

Su Dan wrote 996 days ago

this is written with good pace, and you keep us hooked...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

minx2minx wrote 999 days ago

Hi Lacey,
What a twist at the end. This has been one fantastic read from the first word right through to the last.
Thank you for posting it all...I can have nightmares forever now lol.
Good luck with all you write.
Lizzie :-)

Laura Freeman wrote 1000 days ago

Oh my God! I just read this all the way through. What a cast of complex characters! It amazes me how you can make Benji and Beth, a pair of serial killers, so lovable. This is art at its best. I wish I had half the talent you have, sister. In reading this book, I experienced every emotion possible. I hear you're working on a couple of other books, and if that's true, I cannot wait to read them. You're just plain amazing, Lacey. Backed for sure!

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

Shigley wrote 1001 days ago

Lacey -

I can tell you've done great research for this book, and I love the way you've put everything together. I'm sure it will be published!

Backed with pleasure.
Len
The Elijah Factor

name falied moderation wrote 1005 days ago

Dear Lacey


It is so good to see that your book was well received. I have already commented and backed your book, and as at times the backing have not shown, i will back your again, just to MAKE SURE.
I do wish you the very best with your writing

Denise
The Letter

J A Humm wrote 1005 days ago

Your writing style is neat and to the point, so the narrative flows really well. The only thing I'd say is that the story takes a while to get in to. Perhaps instead of beginning with a backstory ie. an explanation of why the narrator has become this cold-blooded person, consider finding the first bit of action or conflict, starting the story in the middle of it, and then pausing to fill the reader in on the missing information a bit later.

In your pitch, I'd remove the cliche about 'people have become a statistic'. HOW did that ever come about to be a popular phrase? It should be banned. It's ridiculous mainly because quite obviously everyone in a particular cohort is part of the statistic, whether they're the 13% of people who had the thing happen to them or the 87% who didn't. Sorry... the pedantic scientist in me is creeping out... I'll shut it up now.

Good writing nonetheless. I wish you success.

J A Humm
(The Retreat)

Despinas1 wrote 1005 days ago

Dear Lacey,
Your work is simply amazing..... Whilst I've not had time to read past the first chapter, I can tell its potential. Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

SusieGulick wrote 1005 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Lacey! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Eveleen wrote 1005 days ago

Apostle
A well crafted story
Backed
Eveleen(Turning a new leaf)

Daniel Manning wrote 1006 days ago

A very complex story between a serial killer and a young hobo as they confront some home truths about each other. Benji was planning to leave the campsite, but he encounters Beth Holland a passing transient with beautiful features. There is nothing to be gained by killing her because he can't draw any power from someone, who is vacant and empty on the inside. The two have a lot in common, each exhibiting a taste for power inwardly, outwardly adoring each others looks, abhoring the conduct and behaviour of the other, until Beth expresss an interest in the power.
Great story as rationale seems to flitter away like someone had incensed a herd of buffalo to go on a stampede through the campsite.
Composition was faultless neither hurried or rushed, like it is so unnecessary to accelerate the process of writing just to reach a climax, when the real craft and skill is to prolong the writing into a substantial story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

edwardlsmith wrote 1006 days ago

First of all, great cover! I love the style and dictation. Gruesome details of a person's psyche remains one of my most favorite things about books. I love to see the breakdown of a character or the way a character acts based on his or hers emotional stability. I cant wait to read more.

minx2minx wrote 1006 days ago

Hi Lacey,
just done reading the rest of what you have here...awesome, brilliant...I want to buy this book when it's published.
Keeping you on my WL to see if you add more chapters.
All the best.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Crowel wrote 1006 days ago

Wow, this really is addictive. I love prologues and yours certainly give a taste of what is to come - murder and torture, though I don't know if "prologue" is the correct title for it as you returning to it at the end of the first chapter. I really wish I had more time. I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I want to know more. What a monster! "I would love to be a surgeon Slicing through flesh and fat and plahing with vital organs...." Backed without hesitation. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.



Thank you Lynne. Just to clarify... the ending doesn't return to the prologue. It's just a diary entry and if you look closer it's a much earlier one. The entries are written throughout the story.

Lynne wrote 1006 days ago

Wow, this really is addictive. I love prologues and yours certainly give a taste of what is to come - murder and torture, though I don't know if "prologue" is the correct title for it as you returning to it at the end of the first chapter. I really wish I had more time. I've only read the prologue and chapter one, but I want to know more. What a monster! "I would love to be a surgeon Slicing through flesh and fat and plahing with vital organs...." Backed without hesitation. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

teremoto wrote 1007 days ago

Beth is steaming with attitude due to a tough beginning. This is served up to the reader in a very tightly written narrative with just the right balance of no-nonsense narrative and dialogue. From the pitch and the first few chapters, the plot seems well thought out and constructed to build and intrigue.

Suzalex wrote 1007 days ago

Not much I can add to the blow comments. You write as a writer should.
Outstanding.

Suz

Lynne Ellison wrote 1008 days ago

very dark tale

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Crowel wrote 1008 days ago

Hi Lacy, I am a litte confused by the prologue and the length of Chapter one why is it not broken up? Anyhow chapter 36 is great and I like the comments at the start of the chapter. I wish you the very best in your writing endeavors. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley



I recently added something to the prologue that made it longer. I'll separate it tonight when I have a better connection. Thanks!

wespollet wrote 1008 days ago

Hi Lacy, I am a litte confused by the prologue and the length of Chapter one why is it not broken up? Anyhow chapter 36 is great and I like the comments at the start of the chapter. I wish you the very best in your writing endeavors. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Cly wrote 1009 days ago

Hi Lacey,
Wow . . . this is a gripping beginning, absolutely incredible. I only have one suggestion, that being . . . and I know it's a pain, and I'm probably not one to talk, but the first chapter is a little lengthy, and I'm not suggesting cutting any of the material; I absolutely loved it, but I pop on and off the site to read, and sometimes it's a bit difficult to find my cut-off. But not to worry, I will definately be coming back regardless . . . riveting read, one of the best I have been priviledged enough to come across.
Best of Luck
Cly (Hybrid)

minx2minx wrote 1009 days ago

Hi again Lacey,
been so busy with work that I've only now found some time to sit and read, and sadly not got enough time to read all you added. What I have read though is great. I love how this story is progressing and will read the last 3 chapters when I get home tomorrow night...for now though my head needs to meet my pillow and I hope my dreams are about sweeter things than your book lol.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Jehmka wrote 1009 days ago

I like the pitch, the cover, and the title. The first person narrative voice sounds very much like a confused teen-aged girl. She is scattered and filled with contradictions. She is obviously ego driven , and uncertain of her feelings (perhaps because she doesn’t understand them.) She seems to be in denial of her uncertainty. She is clearly stubborn, and very angry, and like most confused teen-age girls, her anger is misdirected. She seems to identify with being abnormal (ego,) and prides herself on her lack of compassion. I like it that this is more shown than told. It can be a bit of a challenge sorting out the real from the imagined here, the truth from the ego driven delusions, perhaps too challenging (I struggled,) but this is better than having the subtleties pointed out to you.
I don’t understand the idea of calling that first part a prologue. Why is if not chapter one?
I wonder if there might be a way of making the prologue, and the first chapter a little less confusing without dumbing it down. Perhaps it’s just me.
I dipped into later chapters and found the writing mostly clear and concise, with intelligent word choices and well-structured sentences and paragraphs. It’s a big story… long. Lacey has a good sense of rhythm in her writing. I suspect she’ll do well with it if she persists... and I hope she does.

Backed with pleasure…
Rodney Jones
The Father

lisawb wrote 1009 days ago

From the title down to the finest detail on the cover to the print, this has quality. The writing ooze's suspense, horror and psychological depths. The atmosphere creeps out of the book and chills. The characters are brimming with personality, and the traumatic death of the Mother is threaded in with expertise and skill. The descriptions are concise yet powerful and the writing tight. This is clever writing as the book entices the reader to relate to the killers, and stirs up a turmoil of emotions. A book that ticks all the boxes a thriller should have and introduces additional concepts.

Backed and admired.

Lisa

rab14 wrote 1011 days ago

getting into the mind of a killer is a difficult concept to grasp but you managed the first chapter with skill. Beth , the society of the disenfranchised, the lab of the madman - each paragraph slowly built up the horror. THe ending of chapter one gives insight into the scope of the killer's depravation. Good Luck K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen.

La Marmonie wrote 1012 days ago

Your Prologue is powerful. From what I have read, there is promise of a powerful story. I have put it in my Watch List.

Check out God of the Cocoa, if you have chance. I would be grateful for comments.
Thanks!

Marilyn Rodwell

lj reads wrote 1013 days ago

Your writing is very descriptive and detailed. You have a natural talent. I enjoyed reading your book. It's quite lengthy. You have put a lot of long hours into it. I hope it does well!

minx2minx wrote 1013 days ago

Think I'm going to let you sit on my shelf so everyone knows...this is one bloody Good Read...done it again though...read all you've downloaded and now need to get some shut eye as have work in a few hours.
Awesome book Lacey
Lizzie :-)

Jayboid wrote 1014 days ago

Whoa! Whoa! This is some heavy stuff, girl! Your narrative voice is strong, colloquial, loose. You carry the reader along with your tempo. Eyes the green gray color of the inside of an avocado!!! Indeed... No stilted phraseology here. Your characters could be dragged screaming out of pulp fiction. This is one of the better stories I've read here, or anyplace else. I will bookshelving it tomorrow. I was going to put it on my watchlist tonight and read it tomorrow. But I made the mistake of reading the first two paragraphs... and then I was off. I've got a tight group of four books on my shelf now. They need to stay there until tomorrow. You are GOOD!!!!

Jay Squires
"Eddie and the Boxcar Painter"
"Keeping Score"

scrapper2675 wrote 1014 days ago

This is an unbelievable read! Well crafted, well researched, well planned. Cold, methodical, cunning and cruel, your grasp for gripping the reader is superb! I am backing and keeping for a long time! *standing ovation*
Christi Watson
Wonder: Heart of Captivation- A Thief of Life Novel

Cariad wrote 1015 days ago

What a chilling voice in the opening. Chilling because it's not overdone or 'obvious.' Chilling because it's so cold and matter of fact. Disturbing. The voice is the thing with this story and it's what carries it. This is first person that works - I shall mention it on the forum thread. Really very accomplished and happily backed by me.
Polly
STONES.

COOKIE GAWAIN wrote 1017 days ago

A leisurely style for 1st person, a condescending, down in the nose narrative that pulls the reader in for more. Backed

SueAnn Jackson Land wrote 1018 days ago

“Home is a secret I want to keep” sent chills down my spine. I had to keep looking back at your age and tell you that I wish I had written half as well, then. Your descriptive prose is elegant and you falter only with punctuation. You’ve got a really good start here and I have to admit that I’ve read way too many serial killer and vamp stories on Autho… but “Apostle” is enticing. The narrator seems reasonable enough, affable, even. We’ll see.

SueAnn Jackson Land
The Truth About Whales

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