Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 98557
date submitted 17.07.2010
date updated 21.02.2013
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

The Ark of Humanity

Scott Justin Toney

God flooded the earth to annihilate humanity's sins. What if that sinful race didn't die when floodwaters covered them but instead adapted to breathe water?

 

Under the depths of the ocean one boy has raised himself, until the day when he meets a dark-skinned man with news that will change the lives of his civilization forever.

Now he must save his people from another empire of water dwellers bent on enslaving the oceans and torturing his peaceful realm.

Yet another question is posed as he learns that his people are descended from humans that lived on the land above the ocean; a people that were destroyed by floods made by the rage of God.

If they have to, in order to escape, will they be able to breathe air and join whatever is left of the world above the waters?

What would they find there? Is the mythological Noah still alive?

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

, epic, fantasy, fiction, journey, mer, ocean, religion, sea, underwater

on 227 watchlists

527 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

14

report abuse

The Currents Above

14

 

 

 

The Currents Above

On land

 

    “Japeth, Shem, over there a man drowns in the water along our shore!” A deep old voice resonating with strength commanded two of his sons. “We must try to rescue him. Drag him forth from the water!” The old man stood, garbed in earthen-toned robes as his long gray beard whipped in the swift breeze.

    Four light brown, muscular arms clasped upon the convulsing pale body of a dying boy, dragging him in the currents toward shore. The whites of the boy’s eyes flashed in his head as he thrust his lips into the salty ocean, sucking in the liquid.

    “What’s he doing?” shouted Japeth, twisting his muscles in an attempt to lift the boy from the ocean.

    “He’s delirious!” Shem called before clutching the boy’s hair with his large hand and thrusting the boy’s head up from the water.

 

    Maanta’s gills collapsed in on themselves as he arose to consciousness once more. Air swept through him as he attempted to scream but the poisonous substance kept his noise to a cracked choke. The air seared his insides as he fought whatever force was restraining his movements.

    His eyes opened and the sun’s scorching beams blinded him, causing him to see multicolored spots before darkness overtook his vision. Whatever beast had its grasp on him tugged him further into the venomous air.

    …save self… The thought barely rushed past his mind as the pain of existing encumbered him.

    The lifesaving water currents were so shallow now as he ripped his hair from the thing’s grasp and savored the liquid in his lips. Clawing, his fingers latched in on the underwater beach sands in an attempt to gain control of his movements. But the sands only stirred, collecting along his gills and choking him in another way.

    “He’s dying!” a voice bellowed past Maanta’s ears. “Toss him to shore so we may push the water from his lungs!”

    His body and thoughts violently shook as the beast lifted him above the ocean, his life source, and imbedded him in a hot burning sheet of sand. He tried to swim upward in the poisonous air substance but could get nowhere. What was that force pushing down on him? The beast had seemed to let loose of him but still he could not swim away.

    Water evaporated from his pores. Every one of them sizzled and died in the sun’s heat, collapsing inwards. It was as if a billion heated small pins dug minute grooves in his moist body. The boy’s webbed hands pushed back on his flesh in an attempt to keep the moisture from rushing away.

    From nowhere, it seemed, a fist lunged into his chest, pumping against it vigorously while vacuuming the water up from his lips. His neck’s inner gills ripped from the throat’s wall and spat from his lips into the air above before wiggling and dying on his chest. Maanta’s thoughts collapsed in on themselves and unconsciousness overtook him once more.

    “He’s calmer now brother,” a voice said in the silence of Maanta’s mind. “And look, his chest rises and falls.”

    “Carry him to the guest room in our home,” the old voice spoke in the distance. “There we shall nurse him to health.”

 

    Darkness… the world was pitch now, black as an oil plume. Maanta couldn’t conjure sufficient strength in his muscles to move, or even lift his eyelids. He couldn’t help but feel a vacant staleness in his flesh. All his remaining fish-like scales had shriveled like dried rosebuds on his limbs, now resting there like scabs. His sweltered eyelids sat heavily on their sockets as a sunbeam from somewhere in the vast expanse of existence shown down on their outer skin.

Just as the boy thought he would evaporate away and cease to exist in this bizarre new reality, a firm yet wrinkled hand clasped his own limp one. Then, from above, another strong hand placed a cool, moist cloth upon his forehead and eyes. Cool water from the cloth trickled down along his cracked lips, sliding in a spiral down his throat.

Whoever possessed the two strong yet wrinkly hands hummed a gentle melody while tending Maanta’s fever.

For hours the man patiently changed the cool cloth with others.

At sparse moments he placed slivers of salmon within the boy’s lips, which Maanta eventually swallowed down. The salty morsels slowly revitalized his muscles.

Then the last cool cloth was lifted from Maanta’s forehead and the strong hand released his own. The humming faded a bit, although it still came from close by.

The fish brought some strength to Maanta’s body. But he yearned for more cool moisture from the cloths, and so with every reserve of strength Maanta opened his eyes.

Blinding light flooded in but as his irises adjusted Maanta dropped his sight on the strong but elderly fellow staring at him and rocking in a wooden chair while humming across the clay-walled room.

A genuine smile passed across the old man’s bearded lips. “God blesses you, boy. Whatever dropped you in the ocean to drown, surely God’s grace is the true reason you’ve survived. We figured you for almost dead the first two weeks after we rescued you from the ocean’s grasp. And these past three haven’t been much better. Would you like some more fish I wonder?”

Maanta tipped his head once forward and back against an earth toned pillow.

     “Well, I’m not one to deny someone good hearty food.” He passed three more pieces of salmon slowly through Maanta’s pale lips.

    Each swallow burned but revitalized at the same time. Maanta opened his lips to speak but couldn’t find the way to shape words through the air clogging his lungs. Instead he choked and spat out a piece of the fish.

    “Rest, young one.” The old man stroked his hair. “There will be plenty of time for talking once you are fully healed. I have no doubt you have interesting stories to share with my family and me.”

    Maanta succumbed once more to the oily depths of deep sleep. There was reassuring warmth there beside him now though. Something joined him in the dark unconsciousness, swimming for him through the waters, helping to churn the depths of unconsciousness by his side. God, was the only thought which possessed his mind while rafting toward the world of dreams.

 

    Time passed. Maanta’s mind closed. No thoughts existed. Then, in loud booming echoes, they returned.

 

    thump, thump…….thump, thump…….thump, thump…….thump, thump… Sight came to Maanta easier this time as his eyes spread wide in the burning, singeing air. Sharp golden sunshine flushed within his sight as an outside breeze licked at his face. He was in what appeared to be a half shell of ceramic, his legs thrashing, free of his mind’s control, in a thin bath of dirty water about him.

    “Brace the boy’s legs to the tub Japeth!!!” A deep mature voice that Maanta vaguely recognized shouted from behind him. “He must be bathed! His stench is foul!”

    Water… Maanta’s thoughts raced as he realized the substance was beneath him. Water! He thrust his head beneath the thin level of dirty tub water, attempting to breathe it through his gills. But his gills were gone. He gagged on the once life-blessing substance. What’s… h… appening? His thoughts burped and skipped. What… h… ave they… d… one?

    “Grab his skull and lift it above the water Shem!” The light-brown skinned Japeth hollered at the man who had just spoken behind Maanta.

    Shem cupped the boy’s thrashing head in two massive hands and thrust it above the dirty bath. “This is useless, brother. I don’t know why but the boy appears to be trying to drown himself. If we’re busy holding his limbs in place and keeping his head above water we’ll never get him washed.”

    Maanta’s eyes flicked violently in his skull as darkness once again consumed him. Water… his thoughts trailed off.

    “Let us lift him from the bath then, brother, and try again later when he is more subdued,” Japeth spoke with calm and yet a hint of irritation.

    The two brothers grabbed Maanta’s limbs and jerked him quickly up out of the outdoor bath before Shem draped the boy over his shoulders. Slowly he carried the boy, until carefully laying him on the bed the family had provided.

    The boy’s limp body sank gently within the feather stuffed resting place. All consciousness had left as he had lifted from the shallow tub waters Maanta mistook for salvation.

 

    In the dank darkness of Maanta’s lost mind the soft breath of one word caught his thoughts, God. The pureness of the word skimmed like a breeze on the ocean, constantly soft and just above the waters but unattainable to all those who live within the sea. But the sea and the waters have deserted me, his mind rambled in the nothing. And yet I still live somehow in this bizarre place that I sometimes awaken to. Am I breathing in the air?

    “Freedom from the waters is yours if you only accept it and believe in me,a voice whispered in the hollow darkness, a warming light emulating around its words. There is forgiveness for your people’s sins.

    “NO! COME TO ME beneath the depths,” another voice, enticing yet sinister, intruded.

    Blank nothing came like a kiss to Maanta’s drifting thoughts. It extinguished his mind, preventing him from thinking through what was meant by the two voices that had joined him.

    The twitching void of nothing covered him like a thick, dark mud, consuming him in its embrace.

 

    Darkness.

 

    Nothing.

 

    A softly hummed melody caressed Maanta’s hearing and livened his heart. The darkness of his dream-state shifted from deep black noir to a light sandy hue. Once more he felt the presence of a moist rag being held to his forehead by a strong, comforting hand.

    His eyes no longer burned when he opened them to the daylight filtering through the windows of the room. His body did not ache, nor did his flesh sting with purging evaporation from the air. In a deep comforting breath he inhaled the air about him and filled his lungs full, lungs he never knew existed until this very breath.

    As Maanta exhaled that first full breath his sight set slowly on the face of an elderly man beside him who was holding the moist cloth to his forehead.

    The man’s features were old and wrinkled but exuded life as he smiled warmly at the boy. “You look more alive today, boy, than you have ever since we rescued you.” The man’s beard jiggled up and down as he spoke. “Maybe this time we’ll be able to keep you from relapsing into unconsciousness again. Tell me, boy. Do you have a name?”

    “………” Maanta’s lips moved but still he could not find the way to form speech out of water.

    “That’s alright. It will come to you in time.” The man’s wrinkled hand rested on Maanta’s to comfort him.

    “…mkft…” Maanta struggled to speak in the air. “…Maanta.”

    “Maanta.” The old man’s grin widened. “That’s an interesting name. I’ve never heard anything like it before. Your name reminds me much of what we all are… Man. You’re speaking now, and that’s a good sign. How far down the coast does your family dwell young Maanta?”

    “…ckt…ckt…ckt…” The boy couldn’t bring speech to his lips again. His body shook with agitation.

    The old man brought a wrinkled finger to his lips. “Shhh… There will be plenty of time for you to talk later. If it hurts to do so now do not hurt your throat. Let’s see. We need to devise some way of keeping you conscious. Do you like stories?”

    Maanta managed a smile. The last story he had been told was from his mother long ago. After that he had resorted to creating stories himself.

    “I’ll take that smile as a yes.” The old man ran his fingers through his beard as if in deep thought. “This is a true story, of my life.

    “Once, a long, long time ago, I was a young child who lived in a small thatch house on the rim of a vast sea. My parents farmed for a living and I assumed them perfect, as most children assume their parents to be during the early part of their lives. I had friends, a deep faith, family and all was well in our happy community. It remained that way for years until, during a deep crimson sunrise; a man fell from the sky and careened into the beach. We thought he was a star. All of the local families who saw the falling man rushed to see what had crashed into our shore.

    “I’ll never forget his features, the aura he exuded. Serenity encompassed him. In a massive crater on our shore the blond haired, blue eyed man stood with a brisk smile on his face, clothed in blue and white silk. He stared through the clouds above as if to mock something, or someone.”

    The old man slipped a dried, salted pumpkin seed between his lips and flipped it with his tongue methodically. “And I swear to you. The first time I saw him, the man had wings, wide flowing wings that stretched in the air to shroud my eyes from half the ocean before me. They sparkled in the sunrise, whipping and curling in the wind. And then as my people laid their first steps to his crater the man’s wings disappeared, evaporating into the clouds. No one ever spoke of his wings except me. Were they ever there? Where did they go?

    “I never entered that crater, unnerved as I was by the unnatural occurrence. But instead I watched as my people flocked to the man like a herd of sheep to a shepherd, or a wolf in a fancy robe. I never heard the exchange of words between him and my people that day but as he spoke the man’s eyes flicked every few moments from a cool blue to a deep heart-purging orange.

    “I was 18 when the man hurled upon us from the sky and would age 582 years before my last experience with him would place its footprint on my life. He called himself Lucifer and claimed himself a fallen angel of heaven.

    “If he had fallen from heaven then surely he had not tripped. Rather, God must have thrust him out, for in his time with us he taught my community to sleep with each other’s wives and husbands, steal each other’s food, poison each other’s crops, to rape our children and murder our neighbors. One time, I overheard the soft-voiced man convincing a young man to take his own life. Kilol was the boy’s name and his neck would be in a self-hung noose by sun’s set.

    “I tried and tried to show my people the evilness of Lucifer’s ways but they would hear no sense. They were blinded by greed and lust, desires that could only be quenched by things he had brought to my people’s souls.

    “And then the day came when the final straw fell into place, it seems, in the ‘fallen angel’s’ plan. I awoke in the sweltering heat of a summer’s morning to look out my window on an idol carved in the man’s likeness. Four of the highest ranking families in my village were kissing its form. Lucifer himself stood behind the unholy falsification, his fiery eyes glaring at mine, peering into my soul.

    “In that moment I closed my eyes and prayed to God to relieve my people of that man and bring a world to us once more where we would be free of the sins he brought to us.

    “Then in the darkness of my mind echoed a deep, calming voice. ‘I have heard your prayer son of Adam. I have determined to make an end to all flesh; for the earth is filled with violence through them; behold I will destroy them with the earth. Make yourself an ark of gopher wood; make rooms in the ark and cover it inside and out with pitch.’

    ‘For behold, I will bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life from under heaven; everything that is on the earth shall die. But I will establish my covenant with you; and you shall come into the ark, you, your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you. And of every living thing of flesh, you shall bring two of every living sort in the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. Of the birds according to their kinds, and of the animals according to their kinds of every creeping thing of the ground according to its kind, two of every sort shall come in to you, to keep them alive.’

    “It is impossible to explain how I knew, but it was God’s voice and so I did as he instructed. When the ark was complete, it was 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high with three decks spanning from side to side. I had never seen a vessel so massive. And now a question resonated in my thoughts, how would I gather two of every kind of animal from the earth for my boat? There was no need to ponder this though, for as soon as I lowered the ark’s loading ramp its first time, I noticed something moving in the brush of the beach before me.

    “One nose, then another popped through the brushy leaves. All the many animals of the earth came, two-by-two, down the beach and into the ark. I’ve never seen such a sight in my life and probably never will again. Two snow-white bunnies led first, their soft fur glistening in the sun and their cute button noses twitching as they hopped happily along. Two jet-black panthers followed closely behind, their muscles flexing majestically with each step. Two grisly bears were third, grunting and moaning as they swatted at the moist sands below them as they walked.

“God must have brought the many creatures from all over the world into that procession, for every form of creature was there from koala bears, kangaroos and giraffes to polar bears, otters and monarch butterflies. The last animal to come in the group I thought would snap the ark’s deck in half. Two gargantuan wrinkly gray elephants shook the earth beneath us as they sauntered onto the ark’s ramp, their bellies swaying slightly as the ramp flexed beneath each massive step. When they had all boarded my sons and I loaded pounds upon pounds of meat, vegetables, fruit and grain we had gathered to keep the animals and ourselves fed.

“As we stood some distance away, admiring our work, a voice once again echoed in my thoughts. ‘Go into the ark, you and all your household, for I have seen that you are righteous before me in this generation. For in seven days I will send rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living thing that I have made I will blot out from the face of the ground.’

“By night’s end I and my family had moved all of our personal possessions and us to the ark. My wife strung fresh cut flowers from deck to deck all about the boat in an attempt to cut back on the wet animal smell. In the days to come, my fellow people would come to mock us and point out what a foolish thing we had done. I told them about the great flood God was sending us to wipe out the vast sins of our world but they merely took me for a crazy old man.

“Those final seven days as the rains came and refused to stop, the only man who said nothing to me was Lucifer himself. As we waited for the flood to come he stood on the beach below us, staring up into our eyes, with a wide grin on his face, those deep eyes of his flickering with flame in the nights. What a possessed creature Lucifer was. He aged not one day since he had first come to us, but his eyes ignited more and more with crimson with each new soul he took.

“‘God is sending a flood to wash away all of the sins you have brought upon us!’ I called down to him.

“A wolf howled in the distance but from his lips there was no reply.

“On the seventh day the waters rose beneath us, not slowly, but in a surge lifting our ark to the very heights of the sky. It was the most bizarre thing though: just before the world flooded, Lucifer led many of my civilization into the ocean beside us. They disappeared beneath the depths before the flood, and he joined them as God’s maelstrom hit. 

The remnants of my people screamed in agony as they drowned. The raging waves around us seemed a mass of red and green, red blood of the earth’s creatures and green of the earth’s vegetation. The sky was black with disappointment and rage. There would be no more blue sky or ocean that day, the color of peace and calm. The carcass of a dead ape drifted below my window in the chaos. I was saddened that this creature had to die because of humanity’s sins.

“The first night was no easier on the heart. For an entire day, as the maelstrom raged, the cries of the earth’s people and animals could be heard wailing and being snuffed out across the globe.
 
    “For thirty-nine more days and nights, the maelstrom roared, and what we heard after was worse; silence. When the rain stopped and waters calmed, all the animals on the ark stopped their moaning, chirping and roaring and we heard nothing in the distance on the open waters. Eerie, hollow blankness lay upon us.

“‘Where is the world?’ my son, Japeth, turned to me and asked.

“‘It is on the ark,’ I replied. But it hurt my soul to know that my people, no matter how sinful they had become, had all perished in the world behind us. The air itself smelled stale, lifeless. God must have felt my heart and smelt what I smelt in that moment for after I breathed the stagnant air a great wind blew about us, smelling of honeysuckle. There will be life to the earth again, God was promising us.

“At the end of a hundred and fifty days the waters had abated and in the seventh month on the seventeenth day the waters had receded enough that our ark came to rest upon the mountains of Ar’arat. The waters continued to abate until the tenth month. On the first day of the flood’s tenth month, we could see the tops of the Ar’arat Mountains about us. Still, I knew there would be no hope in searching for land.

“After forty more days I called my sons and our wives to my side. ‘Shem, Japeth, Ham,’ I said. ‘The earth is once more revealing itself to us. Look at the beautiful brown mountains bobbing up from beneath the ocean around us and stretching like legs below the ark. Boys, find me a bird that we can release to see if the waters have subsided from the face of the ground.’

“Japeth and Ham had become quite fond of a raven they named Zemer and so we sent Zemer forth to see if the waters had dried up enough anywhere on the earth for us to leave our ark and live on the earth once more. Zemer’s deep black wings carried her quickly from the ark but she disappeared in the winds and never returned to us again. It is my hope she discovered land and had just not known to return.

“The next day I sent forth a dove, a favorite of my own, who would often eat sunflower seeds gently from my hands, and in the evening she returned to me with no sign of finding dry land.

“Seven days later, again, I sent the dove out of the ark and as the sunset played a tranquil pink across the sky she returned to me, and lo, in her mouth was a freshly plucked olive leaf. This could mean nothing less than that the waters had subsided from the earth beneath us.

“Seven more days I waited and sent out my dove again and she did not return to us anymore. To join her, I let loose her mate.

That night as I lay in the darkness saying my prayers with my wife already fast asleep on my chest, God’s voice echoed once more in my mind. ‘Go from the ark, you and your wife, and your sons and your sons’ wives with you. Bring forth with you every living thing that is with you of all flesh-birds and animals and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth-that they may breed abundantly on the earth, and be fruitful and multiply on the earth.’

“And, as the next morning came, I stood looking from our ark’s deck, down the steep face of Ar’arat’s mountainside which stretched off into the mist beneath us. ‘How far down the slope is level ground?’ I gasped to my wife beside me. ‘Surely the elephants and giraffes can’t maneuver the slope beneath us, nor can the seals or platypuses.’

“Japeth called me to his side from behind us then and told me of a plan he had been concocting since our first day wedged upon Ar’arat’s peaks. As evening came, we would put it into effect.

 

“The wind blew crisply at our backs as my three sons and I stood stiffly on our ark’s back deck, nervous about what we would soon attempt. Japeth turned to me with a grin. ‘Praise the Lord for he has kept us safe thus far.’

“I grasped his hand firmly in my own. ‘And praise him as he protects all of us on our journey to level ground. Do not fear my sons, for in what we do, God is by our side.’ The animals were secured below deck. Our wives were calming the creatures’ nerves and all of us were saying silent prayers to God to bind us in safety.

“As Japeth and Ham tied two thick ropes in triple knots to the deck’s inlaid posts, Ham sliced his palm on a splintered beam, causing crimson blood to drip from his hand. Ham and Japeth grasped the ropes and leapt off the deck’s edge into the swirling fog below, their ropes left tightly creaking against the deck. Ham’s hand had bloodstained the rope where he had touched it, churning my stomach with its sight. A man should never lose a son before his own death and Ham’s blood brought the very real possibility to my thoughts of losing my sons and our wives. ‘Keep a tight grasp on Ham’s rope,’ I spoke to Shem. ‘I’ll hold tight to Japeth’s. We don’t know when they’ll need us to pull them aboard.’

“Japeth would later tell me that as they leapt into the fog his heart was crushed in his chest as he saw Ham beside him smash into the ark’s bottom hull. But Ham held on, both brothers’ hands clasping tightly to separate ropes as they swung freely above the vast drop of Ar’arat’s mountainside beneath them. Swinging back and forth, they built enough momentum to reach the bottom of the hull once more and lodge their stone pickaxes into its dense underbelly. ‘There!’ Japeth freed a hand, pointing before him to where the rugged slope clutched our ark against its terrain. ‘We must free the ark of Ar’arat’s grasp!’ Japeth and Ham tied the ropes to their waists and drew two more pickaxes to help them on their way to where the stone met the boat.

“When they reached their spot the boys kept one axe each lodged in the boat’s hull while using their second to hack and pry at the places where the Ar’arat held us in its clutch. Stones broke free, careening in echoes down the mountainside.

 

“I heard a scream of frustration while up on deck as Japeth lodged his second ax with a swift stroke between the rocks and the ark. Moments later, Ham would dislodge the ark from Ar’arat and the ark teetered forward, slowly at first. ‘Pull us up father!’ I heard him bellow from below.

“The muscles in my forearms seared in pain as I yanked one arm-length after another of Japeth’s rope upon the deck. Beside me Shem’s face reddened as he did the same for Ham. ‘Pull! Pull!’ I screamed as the Ark’s bow sank forward in a swift tilt, kicking its backside up in an attempt to buck us. I went sliding into the post where Japeth had tied his rope. As our ark crashed into the mountain and slid down its rocky side, Japeth fell in over the backside and against the post and me.

“I whipped a glance at Shem who was curled across from us against the post Ham had sliced his hand on. A blood speckled rope end flew in the wind the ark produced as the ark bucked down the mountainside. ‘Ham!’ I hollered helplessly.

“With my nails I clung to grooves in the ark’s floorboards, pulling myself up the ark’s back deck to get a look back at the terrain rumbling behind us in hopes of catching a glimpse of Ham safely there and away from the careening boat. Nothing. Nothing remained in the boat’s wake but a blur of stones, mud and dried-up seaweed.

“I wept tears into the swirling winds and beside my hand a pickaxe crashed into the wooden railing. Another thrashed into the rail beside my other hand and in exhaustion Ham’s eyes rose over the side and met mine. As I clasped his two hands he fainted in my grasp and with all my might I thrust him aboard. We both careened down the deck into Japeth before being pulled in the ark itself by our wives.

“Without our wives, after all we had done to free the ark and return to safety, we probably would have all been swept overboard again in a matter of moments and been crushed by the debris the ark churned in its wake.

 

“Darkness swirled in a blur beneath my eyelids as consciousness returned to me. Nausea sank in my belly as I opened my eyes to see the ark’s inner deck sloping greatly downward below me. The sweet scent of flora wafted through my nostrils as my wife’s arm held me close to her. ‘She has the most beautiful, soft strong arms,’ I remember thinking. I had never known her to wear this particular floral scent before. What was that scent?

“And then, while staring toward the corner of our slanted deck past a huddled group of pigs, chickens and goats struggling to stand, a sight caught my eyes that set my heart racing. Beautiful blue, yellow and amber flowers pressed up through a hole in the ark’s side that was rubbed bare in our rush down the mountainside.

“I turned to my wife and my family behind her as I sat up on the sloped deck. ‘Thanks to the glory of God we have all survived the flood,’ I said. I could feel God also there beside me. ‘May we continue to serve him as good people throughout our days.

“No sun has shown as warm and bright in my days as the sun which greeted us as we left our ark. The high-up deck door now rested directly beside the lush green and floral earth; all we need do to leave was walk from the ark’s door to the earth. All flowers of the world grew in the field there and blossomed before us, daffodils, lilacs, sunflowers, dandelions, tulips, honeysuckle and many others blessed our senses.

“While leading the animals two by two from the ark I looked up as the birds flew free from the ark’s windows in a fountain of color above. I thought I saw two doves meet them in the distance, but in the radiant sunlight as I focused on them, my eyes blurred to see only pure white light.

“That first night as the sun set in the distance we built an alter to the Lord, praising him for his blessings by burning scented planks of wood we had brought with us from home in the fire-pit.

“A low warm voice spoke to all of us then between the sunset and spark of firelight. ‘I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease. Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.

‘Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your descendants after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the cattle, and every living beast of the ark with you, as many as came out of the ark. I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.

‘This is the sign of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations. I set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh.

‘When the bow is in the clouds, I will look upon it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.’

“That is the last time I have truly heard God’s spoken word in my ears. And yet, so many times I hear him calling me through the tree’s breeze or across the ocean’s waves.”

   

    The old man sat, silently staring as if lost in a dream, at the wall behind Maanta. His long gray beard rested knotted up in the old man’s fingertips. He wrestled to untangle it.

    What a bizarre tale, Maanta thought while staring deep into the man’s eyes. But then so much of this world of air is bizarre to me. His thoughts carried him then to how the tale began, the flood, the drowned people and the person who descended upon the village from up above. There was something familiar about it, all which rested on his tongue’s tip. No! It can’t be! He thought. “kkssst… What ssss… is kft… your pft…name?” Maanta held back the urge to cough up blood which churned in the back of his throat while he spoke. The air burned and coiled upon the sores where his gills once were.

    The elderly man’s wrinkled eyes withdrew from their dream state and refocused on the reality about him. He smiled at Maanta, a warm smile that a parent would give you. “There I go, telling a story before properly introducing myself. My name is Noah.”

    How can that be? Maanta’s mind raced. His story is so close to the tale mother used to tell me, and his name so similar to the man’s name she spoke of. But we have been generations in the waters since that happening. He would have to find a way to speak. Maanta fought back the urge to choke on his own throat. “kkssstfffk…”

    Noah saw him struggling. “Calm yourself, boy. There will be plenty of time for talking later once you have healed more.”

    “kkcftkt… Noah? kft… That can’t be.” Maanta could feel his throat adapting to the air. “kkssst… My mother once told me stories kft… much like the one you just told me. A man in them was called Noa and he khhhst… spoke with Gelu before the great drowning of my people. But it has been leagues since we have adapted beneath the depths. How could you be that man and still have life? How old are you, Noah?”

    The old man raised his eyebrows in an inquisitive look at the boy, himself both baffled and curious. “I am 926 years of age, young Maanta, and I swear to you all I have spoken to you is the truth. God has blessed me with long life. I assume your people don’t live quite as long where you are from. And you say you were born of the people who drowned beneath the waters on the day God flooded the earth? This confuses me and yet also explains much. When my sons first found you in the ocean you were thrusting your face into the water as if gasping for breath.

    “I also thought it odd that I did not recognize you because all men and women on earth are descendants of me and I believed I knew them all. But when God spoke to me he said that every living thing on earth would perish. How could that be true and you be alive?”

    Long moments of silence passed as Noah and Maanta thought.

    Maanta pulled strength into his throat once more. “khh… Is it possible that God meant earth, as in soil? For you yourselves lived because you were on the ark and away from the flood and storm. And the fish also lived and they were animals of the earth, but did not come on the ark. What if the people who were on the land when the flood came died, but those fishing on their boats and swimming in the waters adapted to become sea creatures when the waters swallowed them up?”

    Noah grinned. “It must be so, because I can’t deny that you are alive and sit here before me. God never ceases to surprise me with his wondrous deeds. In his hour of fiercest anger he blessed the people of earth with another chance. And I see he was not wrong in doing so. You truly have a kind, warm spirit. Tell me of your world, Maanta. What has happened to the families of the village I once knew?”

 

    As warm sheens of luminous sunlight shown through the room’s windows, Maanta told Noah all of what he knew about his people’s beginnings beneath the waves. He spoke about how his people learned to cultivate the ocean floor, producing their own seasonings with minerals found in sea plants and drying out saltwater in small caverns beneath the ocean where air pockets collected. Maanta’s descriptions of Amaranth’s mysterious experiments brought Noah a raised eyebrow.

    “He sounds like a sorcerer,” Noah interrupted. “Many people would think him an evil man where I am from.”

    Maanta reassured his new friend that Amaranth was as good a friend as any could ask for and that he had one of the purest hearts he knew of. When the boy spoke of Sift’s people, Noah told him that he himself had once had a best friend with dark skin such as this.

    “I am warmed to hear their people still survive,” Noah said with a grin.

    This led to talk about how Sift’s people had been enslaved by the dark-souled race of the tail finned ones. When Maanta spoke of how Evanshade had led the tail finned ones to Cardonea Tower to massacre the Zhar and Maanta’s fellow Meridians, the boy gushed desperate tears of sadness. This new world above the waves was fantastic, but he missed his realm beneath the waves; a way of life and people that would be forever lost to him. Even if he could adapt to breathe underwater again, his world had been forever changed by the massacre.

    Noah simply pulled the boy close in his strong arms and let Maanta’s tears flow down his shoulder. As Maanta sat up once more and collected himself, Noah called into the halls of the quaint beach house. “Japeth? Shem? Are you here? Come, the boy has awoken!”

    A tall, lanky and yet muscular man skidded through the doorway moments later. “Father, Shem is out helping tend Ham’s fields and cattle but I am here.” The man thrust his hands to his sides. “Well, I see you’ve finally awoken. Took you long enough! They call me Japeth.”

    Japeth has a firm handshake, Maanta noted as they greeted. “Pleased to meet you. My name’s Maanta. Thanks for pulling me ashore.”

    “Let me tell you, you didn’t make it any easy task with all that squirming. I could have sworn you wanted to drown.” Japeth turned abruptly toward Noah. “Do you need something of me father?”

    Noah’s strong wrinkled hands cupped one of his son’s. “Young Maanta must be starved. In the months he’s been in our care we’ve been able to keep little more then water and slivers of fish in his stomach. Let’s fix him a feast of steak, potatoes and corn to revitalize his body.”

    Japeth’s mouth salivated a little at the thought. “I’ll get right on it father. I’ll pull the food from our salt shelter and have it cooked before you know it,” Japeth smirked toward Maanta. “You don’t know the feast you’re in for boy! Father makes the best seasonings.”

    Noah turned back to his son. “The proof is in the cooking not in the speaking.”

    “A wise man speaks wise words father.”

    As Japeth left the room Maanta’s stomach let loose a growl. I hadn’t realized how hunger was overtaking me until he mentioned food, Maanta thought. I wonder what steakpotatoes are. And corn? It sounds like some bizarre horned fish. “Were they dangerous to capture?”

    “Pft!” Noah almost laughed but caught himself. How was the boy to know what these things were? “No. Steak is a meat that comes from cows, docile animals that we raise in our fields.”

    That still didn’t answer his question about the corn animals but Maanta decided he’d have to discover the answer for himself.  

    “Japeth is very skilled at cooking. And he’s had plenty of practice cooking for our wives and his children, although my wife passed many years ago. Generations upon generations have been born since the flood waters abated. And Japeth has cooked and taught our descendants to cook for many years. ” Noah refocused his attention on Maanta. “I’ve no doubt he’ll fix us up a delicious dish.”

    “I can’t wait to try land food.” Maanta rubbed his stomach and grinned. “I’m starved!”

    Noah’s facial features took on a sterner look. “We might as well discuss what your people are going through as we wait. It seems to me that your people have one of two ways they’ll react to the massacre. And the path they appear to be going down bothers me because it could lead them to the same dark place that brought humanity into God’s disfavor in the first place.

    “With the help of Sift’s people they seem to be planning retaliation against the tail finned ones. Your fellow Meridians are angry and bitter and crave revenge for what has been done to them. The problem with hate is that it breeds more hate and a path of destruction and slaughter will form an endless loop across the seas if this happens. One people will retaliate against the other until neither group will remember why they started fighting in the first place. Hate is sin no mater what a person’s reasons for hate are, and no good can come from sin.”

     Maanta’s mind grew dense and darkness pulsed in around his sight. The pressure of breathing air and speaking through un-gilled breath caused him to feel woozy once more. Don’t do it Maanta, he mentally encouraged himself. If you pass into dream state now, who knows how long it will be until you regain consciousness again. The darkness dispersed as his sight gained clarity once more.

    “Are you alright?” Noah asked after seeing the boy’s irises bob like bulbs of air in his eye sockets.

    “I’ll be alright. It felt as if unconsciousness was coming for me again for a moment. You speak of two journeys my fellow Meridians might choose between. This makes much sense. When we were fleeing from Meridia, my people kept speaking of how they would return to Meridia to free our captured people and kill the tail finned people who slaughtered us. Freeing our captured people is something we must do. Killing all the tail finned people we find there is something that I started thinking about though.

“If we do that, we will be no better than them. Surely the people we would kill have spouses and children of their own. Even if the ones we killed were evil to the soul, surely their families that would suffer cannot all be bad. As the Meridians about me discussed more and more what they would do once they had learned to be warriors from Sift’s people, I began to ask myself what Gelu would want us to do. I can’t imagine the creator of all things would take pleasure in any one of his people taking the life of any other of his people.”

“And so you see which path your people must take if they are to retain the inherent goodness which was given them since God drowned the Earth, but granted them another chance.” Noah sighed deeply. “God says that if someone hits you or does you harm you are to turn the other cheek and not seek revenge. For what we do to our fellow man we do to him. If you hit another man or woman, even in retaliation, it is as if you have just punched God himself. Not a wise move I’d say.”

Maanta shifted on the bed to peer behind him now, toward the ocean shimmering with sunlight behind him. “And now that my lungs breathe only air, there is no way for me to return to persuade them against the path they will inevitably follow. What will come of my people? With all the chances Gelu has given us, will he possibly be able to forgive us again?”

The steamy seasoned scent of freshly grilled meat, potatoes and corn embraced the room where Noah and Maanta sat. Even in the seriousness of the moment, both men salivated and could almost taste the aroma in the air.

Trying to get out his thoughts before the food arrived to immerse his senses, Noah spoke. “God has said that he will never again destroy every living creature, because the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth. God will never again destroy the world. The thing to fear then instead is that man will destroy himself. If the Meridians are hateful enough, then they will in effect destroy who they once were. The goodness they once were will become only a memory.”

Maanta opened his mouth to speak but stopped as Japeth waltzed into the room carrying three clay plates serving as the shelves for three delectable meals. “The steaks are medium father, enough to stop them from mooing but not enough to knock out the flavor,” Japeth proudly smiled. “And between the steaks and corn I think I dabbled in every seasoning we have.”

As Japeth handed Maanta his plate the boy took a deep breath of aroma. His eyes slowly took in the dish. Steak and potatoes were apparently two separate things. The steak’s medium brown color was full and juicy, speckled with seasonings. It had a deep savory flavor as he cut a piece and passed it through his lips. His stomach was warm with the taste. Maanta copied the way Noah and Japeth cut through their potatoes and a warm steam rose from its inside through the air. Its pure rich taste was soft in his mouth.

Somehow, Maanta got to the corn creature before the others. It was long, golden yellow and appeared to have a shell consisting of small pieces.  Japeth had also speckled the golden creature with seasoning. The utensils didn’t work. The shell refused to cut past the small pieces and the pieces themselves burst as if they were some sort of defense mechanism for the deceased creature. Does it crack like a crab? Maanta pondered. He lifted it in his hands to crack the shell. It was slippery in their grasp.

“Now you’ve got it, Maanta!” Japeth joked as he lifted his corn. “Darn good meal if I say so myself! Who was the cook again?”

“Thanks, Japeth,” Maanta spoke. “I definitely won’t mind discovering the foods of the land above water.” Maanta pushed his two hands apart as they held the corncob in an attempt to crack it in half. Instantly the cob slipped from their grasp, somersaulting in the air before swirling in the corner on the floor, making a popping sound as it landed.

All three men broke out in laughter.

Japeth handed Maanta his corncob with a smirk. “Try again. Don’t let this one slip away.”

Then a dolphin’s call resonated in the breeze from the waters along the shore.

 

 

Chapters

14

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Scott Toney wrote 250 days ago

HarperCollins Wrote:

"Reimagining the outcome of Noah and the flood, ‘The Ark of Humanity’ tells the story of a society of beings living in the sea. In ‘Ark’ those creatures who resided in the sea during the flood, and those who entered it at that time, survived. They subsequently mutated and formed different sub-species and sub-societies. In the peaceful underwater city of Meridia, Maanta, a pale and bullied merboy, comes to the rescue of Sift, a man/creature from a different race, who is trapped beneath rocks. Sift warns that a legendary species will enter Meridia to enslave and kill its people, as they did his own.

I can see comparisons to Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' trilogy in some of the themes raised [in The Ark of Humanity]. As with Pullman's 'daemons', the relationship between the beings and their companions who transport them is particularly enjoyable, a relationship which also reminded me of the dragons in the film 'Avatar'. I can see this as a fantastic storyboard for a Pixar film."

Cara Gold wrote 382 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} - Scott Toney

Though this book has already won its deserving gold medal, I am compelled to comment once again on Scott’s beautiful story.

It is with pleasure that I continue reading, and I have just finished the tense, heart-wrenching chapter twenty-two.

In this chapter Scott depicts so vividly the corruption of beauty and purity. When Maanta sees what his people ‘have become’, as readers we think about how evil is not just the enemy – but a dormant bacteria within the heart. When seeds of hate are sown, the evil can spread, growing into a horrible disease.

As a reader I wonder; was Maanta’s destruction of Meridia in vain? He destroyed his homeland to save his people: but how to conquer the true evil – darkness of soul?

I was truly marked by the ruin of the once beautiful, peaceful, Meridia. Now, the pure blue waters are nothing but a murky brown haze, and I wonder how the faith of the people will be restored and renewed.

Yet amidst all this darkness, there is nonetheless hope. As always, Scott’s work is perfectly balanced, and the words of the young Maanta are very wise and inspiring indeed. “We will create a new home, a home free of tyranny.”

This line reminded me of the words of Russian master, Anton Chekhov, in his play “The Cherry Orchard.” I do not know how many are familiar with the story, about the decline of a Russian aristocratic family set in the late 19th century – and representative of the entire social upheaval of the time. In the most hopeless scene, when the family’s estate has been sold and their beautiful cherry orchard is lost, the young aristocrat Anya comforts her mother. “We will plant a new orchard, more splendid than this one… and Mama you will smile.” From out of the darkness, a new, hopeful thread emerges – and this is exactly what author Scott Toney does.

“The Ark of Humanity” is infused with deeper symbolism and hidden messengers for us readers, but Scott does this in a subtle way. He invites us into Maanta’s underwater world, and intimately positions us alongside the struggles of the Meridians, so that we feel their voices gently nudging our minds.

Such a perfect balance, such a beautiful read.
Best of luck,
Cara

PeeJay wrote 1005 days ago

Scott,

Where to start? How is it possible not to be impressed by this? The idea you outline in the premise is intriguing enough, enough to make any prospective agent or publisher sit up, but you really carry it through with some of the best use of language I've seen on Authonomy thus far. The way you weave aquatic lingo into your narrative is quite masterful, and though there's a dark, sinister undertone to everything, it's also quite cool and relaxing at the same time - a potent combination.
My one small issue would be wordiness. You carry it off very well simply because your imagery is so enchanting and vivid, but it would work even better if such imagery was interweaved around the action, thus keeping the pace.

But my attention was held regardless, so perhaps it's a moot point. Stellar stuff, strong, polished and confidently told, this deserves real plaudits, which is exactly what I'm giving it. Shelved, naturally.

PeeJay

Anthony Brady wrote 1005 days ago

THE ARK OF HUMANITY by Scott Justin Toney.

At first, reading the opening Chapter of the 35 posted, I thought I was re-entering the watery world of Charles Kingley's - The Water Babies - but this exceptional book surpassed all my expectations. It is simply magnificent in its scope, range of characters and sheer power of descriptive imagination. All superlatives fail to adequately express my admiration for its quality on all the standard merits for the required criteria of the genre. I read on: every Chapter is exquisitely rendered: beauty, philosophy, moral persuasion and an illuminating contrast and comparison with the earthly world adorns the pages. It's a winner! I can't see it failing. COMMISSIONING EDITORS PAY ATTENTION! Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1, 2 & 3.

andrew skaife wrote 1031 days ago

Now this is what fantasy is supposed to be. The fact that so many are so much the same proves thta people can copy but this takes a step forward. If we look at the writings of Chaucer today we can see that things have evolved in writing. If we compare modern to historic texts we see difference but fantasy seems to have stalled lately. Your writing takes such a divergent path and moves so far as to to be fresh of idea, fresh of approach and fresh of instigation.

BACKED

made wrote 215 days ago

Very imaginative piece of work better than mine by far

Scott Toney wrote 250 days ago

HarperCollins Wrote:

"Reimagining the outcome of Noah and the flood, ‘The Ark of Humanity’ tells the story of a society of beings living in the sea. In ‘Ark’ those creatures who resided in the sea during the flood, and those who entered it at that time, survived. They subsequently mutated and formed different sub-species and sub-societies. In the peaceful underwater city of Meridia, Maanta, a pale and bullied merboy, comes to the rescue of Sift, a man/creature from a different race, who is trapped beneath rocks. Sift warns that a legendary species will enter Meridia to enslave and kill its people, as they did his own.

I can see comparisons to Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' trilogy in some of the themes raised [in The Ark of Humanity]. As with Pullman's 'daemons', the relationship between the beings and their companions who transport them is particularly enjoyable, a relationship which also reminded me of the dragons in the film 'Avatar'. I can see this as a fantastic storyboard for a Pixar film."

gaiajuliacaesar wrote 262 days ago

Hey, I just wanted to say keep up the good work on this! I really love the story and I love the new cover! Fantastic!

Ivan Amberlake wrote 278 days ago

The Ark of Humanity Review

The Ark of Humanity is an absolutely stunning novel exploring the idea of how people managed to survive the Great Flood by mutating and living underwater. The plot line Scott J. Toney has created is very engaging, making the book unputdownable.

From the very first chapter I got immersed into the underwater world, fascinated by the imagery the author has created, eager to read more and find out what will happen at the end. The characters are believable and easy to relate to, and what’s really important – I did care about them when they found themselves in trouble.

There is an unexpected twist closer to the middle of the book, which in my opinion, works great for the book, but I’m not going to spoil the fun for the readers.

It’s not the first (and I hope not the last) book I’ve read by Scott J. Toney, and I want to say it is a remarkable book. You won’t get disappointed if you decide to buy and read it.

Ivan Amberlake

Kestrelraptorial wrote 319 days ago

Hi Scott,

I finally completed reading "The Ark of Humanity". I had started the story over a few times to truly catch on, but once I did I very much enjoyed it. I love the undersea world you created.

The story is of three descendant races of humans who adapted to an aquatic existence when the world was flooded over. Maanta, the protagonist, is of a merfolk race that have fins on their limbs but are otherwise humanshape. The merfolk of Sangfoul are the fish-tailed race, under the rule of a dark master spreading slaughter and conquest to the other kingdoms. Then there is Sift and the dark-skinned peoples of Baneal.

I love the idea of multiple species of merpeople living at the same time, sort of like back when several species of humans existed at once. It was also fun to imagine, that at the end of the story, when the merpeople of Baneal and Meridia rise to the surface world, the fish-tailed Sangfoul folk might become the ancestors of the fish-tailed merpeople of folklore?

I loved how the story of Anna and Maanta unfolded. started to quite like Evanshade near the end. I agree with many readers that adding chapters from his perspective really balances the tale and I feel sorry for him. I would have liked to see a bit more from the Sangfoul peoples' side though. Anyway, awesome book.

Kestrelraptorial

Cara Gold wrote 339 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney
Post HC Review Edits: Chapter 7 ‘Siege’

Scott, in your email to me you said ‘This is a longer chapter but I’m really hoping you will enjoy it.’ For a moment I mistook your tone as potentially being a little concerned that a longer chapter would bore me :P No!

I read this chapter captivated by your prose. I can see you have been working hard. In my opinion, all these newer chapters you are writing are tidier and cleaner. There is less description getting in the way of action, but enough to paint a vivid scene and put the reader in the picture.

This is a lovely addition to your book. The siege from Evanshade’s perspective does a great job at balancing the story and also connecting readers with him; high marks for character development.

A few points; at times I felt it was a little too black and white, and I would perhaps soften Evanshade’s transitions between being possessed, and being a good man. I’d be carefully of making him appear to be too good at heart – and strengthen more the internal struggle he is faced with. I’d steer from expressly stating ‘I must serve my master in Sangfoul, but I will do what I can to not shed blood’ and rather, go through a sequence of frantic emotions and thoughts as he flits between his loyalties and values.
→ E.g. ‘It felt as though cracks ripped open his mind, and his thoughts screamed to be released from the dark clutches of his master. The sight of such bloodshed around him stung his eyes like acid, and he hovered in an empty place devoid of truth.’

Last think is a nitpick; a few times the word ‘leery’ crops up in one form or another, and I’d be careful to avoid any sense of repetition.
That’s all from me though! A tense, gripping read. You’re doing great Scott, I’m so excited for the next one!
Have a fabulous day :)
Cara

Cara Gold wrote 343 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney
Post HC Review Edits: Chapter Four ‘Possession’

And so the immense pleasure of reading Scott’s work continues…

Scott has written this chapter with the plan of adding it between the original second (when Maanta meets Sift) and the original third (when Anna is introduced). Here, the reader once more engages with Evanshade and the evil people of Sangfoul. A scene involving slaves and bloodshed, Scott’s portrayal of this dark world is truly chilling, and provides contrast to the peaceful land of Meridia. The reader wonders how the two worlds will collide, and conflict is foreshadowed.

However, what is perhaps the best thing about this new chapter, is that it portrays ‘evil’ and ‘darkness’ in different shades. Scott builds the character of Evanshade as a complex one, and nothing is straightforward. Evanshade is merely a pawn in a greater game, and he himself is contrasted by Venge.

Thank you so much, Scott, for letting me read! And good luck as you continue writing, I can’t wait to see what more you come up with!
Cara

Cara Gold wrote 353 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney
Post HC Review Edits: Chapter One ‘The Escaped Scroll’

I have had the honour and privilege of reading a new first chapter that Scott has written. Taking on board some of the HC editorial advice, Scott is beginning a new thread in the story from the perspective of Evanshade – portraying the darkness of Sangfoul, and the ‘evil’ in this land.

In this chapter, Scott portrays both the terrible atrocities that Evanshade is forced to perform – as well as establishing a complex character, a trapped man, conscious of the evil world he is a part of.

Scott foreshadows some of the themes that will later be explored: the blurring of the line between right and wrong, and the idea that there is good and bad in every heart.

As well as laying the foundations for these deeper messages, Scott also establishes the grounds for the coming conflict. This opening is tense and gripping, and a perfect lead into a beautiful story.

I have tremendous faith in this book, congratulations Scott!
Have a fabulous day,
Cara

Tarzan For Real wrote 354 days ago

Scott congratulations. You wrote one Hell of a novel!--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Cara Gold wrote 363 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} - Scott Toney
Chapters 32 -35 **spoiler warning**

Scott,
I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this, such a moving and emotional ending! I was struck by Evanshade's sacrifice, and cried just as much in 'La Fin' , this time tears of joy - knowing Maanta and Anna live on and the baby Equilious survived.

I was particularly moved by Equilious being born into the world of air, as his father died... You brought together life and death so beautifully in this chapter - a perfect harmonious balance.

Your comment today on 'Awakening', about love being what you try to base your life around... well that shines through in your writing. We see Evanshade's love for Illala and his nobility when he says 'Take our child to freedom! His life is more important than yours or mine!' I *love* how love as a pure and strong emotion is portrayed throughout your book, and subtly telling readers to love in their own lives - through love we can conquer evil, as opposed to being vengeful.

Thank you so much for this beautiful story. I am still all emotional and getting myself another cup of tea now :) You are an amazing writer and this has been such a privilege to read. I am also incredibly honoured to be able to help out with editing, glad to be helpful :)
Take care Scott and have an amazing day! I'll be off to read another of your books soon, I'm a fan!

Cara

p.s. I would love a signed copy! I am so honoured :)

p.p.s. Have a lovely day of rainbows and sunshine!

Cara Gold wrote 363 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney
Chapter 31
Scott,
You had me on the edge of my seat throughout this entire chapter. When Evanshade joined the Meridians, I was so fearful… of the danger that he might bring, with warriors of Sangfoul following…

Tension rose and fell – what a beautiful reunion with Illala and Equilious in the midst of the chaos. How noble Evanshade is – and I am so glad that Illala has steered him towards the ‘good’. The relationship between them reminds me of Arian and Alexander!

Amaranth’s mystical return was well-timed too, very intriguing! (just a quick edit fix for ‘sorcery’ not ‘sourcery’)

The threads are linking together, as we plummet towards the end. I hold my breath as the group swim on to Orion’s Birth! Can’t wait to read more!!
Have a fabulous day and thank you so much for the enjoyable read :)
Cara

p.s. thank you so much for more comments on ‘Awakening’. I am so glad you are enjoying, and excited for you to finish! I’m also really happy that after ‘The Ark of Humanity’ I have more books of yours to enjoy :)
p.p.s. Sorry to be slow with the edits now, I’m just a little swamped with Authonomy :S

Cara Gold wrote 367 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} - Scott Toney

Scott writes with such vivid clarity, such powerful description, pulling us into the scene. The battle of chapter 30 was one such chapter that showcases his ability to write fast-paced, gripping action.

In this tense chapter we also see the lines blur between good and evil, and our minds are left hoping and praying that Evanshade will be strong and choose the right path - and that evil will not conquer him.

Terrific, stunning writing!

Cara

p.s. sent you more edits! :)

Cara Gold wrote 369 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney

I always have a special time reserved in the day to read this book. Generally, accompanied by a good tea or coffee, with some chocolate cookies.

But I have to say, reading Scott’s work brings me far more delight than any sweet treat could :)

I have just completed chapter 29, and I find myself almost reluctant to read on, because soon I will have finished this beautiful book – and I just want to continue reading it forever! I will probably go back to read it again… and again…

There are so many important messages that Scott infuses into his story. As readers, not only do we connect with the characters and feel their personal and physical struggles, but we also connect with these deeper themes that are so pertinent to our world and society today. Particularly, the idea of ‘conquering evil’. I wholeheartedly agree with Scott, that “To best the Devil, one must be above its tricks and sins… If you do not hate, do not lust, are not gluttonous, have no greed and do not kill then the Devil cannot exist.”

The ‘Devil’ is not just a religious entity, but a symbolic representation of everything bad in the world. Though in “The Ark of Humanity” we read of a physical manifestation of this being, it is important to remember that the ‘Devil’ lurks in our own lives. And it is important to remember that no matter what struggles we are faced with, what turmoil the world is in, with love and purity of heart we can always survive and make it through to sunnier days.

Thank you Scott once again, for sharing your stunning story and insightful messages.
Have a terrific day!
Cara

p.s. Edits coming again shortly!! Just needed a little breather :P

fictionguy wrote 372 days ago

Scott, I like everything about this book. I am backing it.

DanielP wrote 373 days ago

Wow Scott the story is unfolding amazingly!! The takeover of Meridia was vividly done and you've got us crossing fingers for these peaceful people who have been slaughtered so mercilessly.
There should be a 7 star rating lol. Oh well, you've already made the desk so I joined too late to help anyway. Still, thanks for sharing :D
Dan

DanielP wrote 375 days ago

Scott,
Cara recommended this to me, and it is truly a brilliant read so far. She has good taste lol!
Amazing vivid descriptions of the underwater world. The plot is also so original and I'm looking forward to reading more of it. Congratulations on making the desk and good luck with the review!
Daniel

TDonna wrote 376 days ago

I miss your book on my shelf, but happy it's on the ED :) Scott, you've a treasure of a story here. The flawless writing and gorgeous descriptions captivated and transported me into a fascinating world only a writer with your talent could create. A W E S O M E.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Cara Gold wrote 381 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} – Scott Toney

Oh I just shiver and tremble with a thousand emotions when I read your work. Chapter twenty-three touched me incredibly; such a moving blend of magnificent storytelling and engagement with your characters.

I love the ‘shades’ to Evanshade’s character, and how his love for Illala brings out his gentle side. The birth of their baby is also so moving: life is created immediately after the darkness and death of battle, giving a hopeful edge to your story, as the reader engages with a grand circle of life. But I hold my breath now, before I plunge onwards. I pray for Evanshade, Illala and their child. I pray that the evil Dark Master will not destroy this new family, and that Evanshade will be strong enough to do what is right.

Scott, it also excites me and amazes me how I can connect to your story and writing, and see elements of what I aspire to do in your work. Evanshade so reminds me of a character you are soon to meet, and elements within this chapter remind me of a scene in book 4!! It is so refreshing and delightful to be able to draw these parallels, despite the physical differences in our stories :)

Cara
p.s. thank you so much for your ongoing support and I am so glad you are enjoying “Dawn of Destruction”. Let me know what more support I can give to you: if you want me to continue chapter edits, I will gladly do so! :)
Have a terrific day my friend!!

Cara Gold wrote 382 days ago

{The Ark of Humanity} - Scott Toney

Though this book has already won its deserving gold medal, I am compelled to comment once again on Scott’s beautiful story.

It is with pleasure that I continue reading, and I have just finished the tense, heart-wrenching chapter twenty-two.

In this chapter Scott depicts so vividly the corruption of beauty and purity. When Maanta sees what his people ‘have become’, as readers we think about how evil is not just the enemy – but a dormant bacteria within the heart. When seeds of hate are sown, the evil can spread, growing into a horrible disease.

As a reader I wonder; was Maanta’s destruction of Meridia in vain? He destroyed his homeland to save his people: but how to conquer the true evil – darkness of soul?

I was truly marked by the ruin of the once beautiful, peaceful, Meridia. Now, the pure blue waters are nothing but a murky brown haze, and I wonder how the faith of the people will be restored and renewed.

Yet amidst all this darkness, there is nonetheless hope. As always, Scott’s work is perfectly balanced, and the words of the young Maanta are very wise and inspiring indeed. “We will create a new home, a home free of tyranny.”

This line reminded me of the words of Russian master, Anton Chekhov, in his play “The Cherry Orchard.” I do not know how many are familiar with the story, about the decline of a Russian aristocratic family set in the late 19th century – and representative of the entire social upheaval of the time. In the most hopeless scene, when the family’s estate has been sold and their beautiful cherry orchard is lost, the young aristocrat Anya comforts her mother. “We will plant a new orchard, more splendid than this one… and Mama you will smile.” From out of the darkness, a new, hopeful thread emerges – and this is exactly what author Scott Toney does.

“The Ark of Humanity” is infused with deeper symbolism and hidden messengers for us readers, but Scott does this in a subtle way. He invites us into Maanta’s underwater world, and intimately positions us alongside the struggles of the Meridians, so that we feel their voices gently nudging our minds.

Such a perfect balance, such a beautiful read.
Best of luck,
Cara

Elessar-Kasikai wrote 383 days ago

This is a really awesome book, lol so cool

leejohn wrote 384 days ago

Well done Scott. Wishing you all the best! ;)

Leejohn

mhebler wrote 384 days ago

The Ark of Humanity

First, this is a fantastic concept, very intriguing and refreshingly original; however, I did have a little trouble following the story at times with some of the complex sentence structures and adjective usage. Also, be careful of repetative descriptions, such as "translucent liquid". Other than those few criticisms, congratulations on this novel and best of luck with Harper.

Michael Hebler - "Night of the Chupacabra"

KenQld wrote 385 days ago


G’day! Scot Justin Toney,

Well done, mate!

It’s been tough.

It’s been touch and go at times.

But you made over the line, and we are pleased and proud to see you make it...

Well done indeed!

We wish you all the best for the future.

In the mean time, we hope you can find time to just go out... and have fun...

Then get stuck into the next book, mate!

Cheers!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
Brisbane, Australia
For your readers who don’t know me so well,
I’m no novelist, but I have put up
6 books of short stories, and
5 books of one-act plays.
Plus a book of 1,000 daily quotations – & another on the way...
Here's the link to see all my book covers at once:
(and my wife loves my draft shopping list every week)
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx
And this is one for my profile:
http://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me/?action=updated

Cara Gold wrote 385 days ago

YAY!!!!!

I just needed to let out that massive burst of excitement. I am so, so, happy that "The Ark of Humanity" has made the desk, it has made my birthday!! :P

Congratulations, Scott, on a well-deserved success! Best of luck with the coming review, my fingers are all crossed for you :)

Your friend,
Cara

Karen Eisenbrey wrote 385 days ago

Scott,

It's the last day of the month, but I hope my backing will help you to the Ed Desk. I really enjoyed your detailed imagining of what it would be like to be a sentient, humanoid creature living comfortably in the ocean, that most alien and hostile place for us land-dwellers. You also set up a mystery right away about the transparent fluid that Maanta and his people have to keep away from. The language of his mother's tale made it seem like an actual ancient myth. The first chapter is quiet but beautiful and engaging, and ends nicely with a boy and his dolphin, about to set a speed record.

I didn't note any obvious corrections. Good job!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
ENDURANCE
TIME SQUARED

WritrWlf91 wrote 385 days ago

Ok now I have officially finished your book and it was truly a wonderful read. I found that there were moments I was a little confused with the wording and the way that Sift spoke however I feel that it was an overall success. I mean, you're ranked as number 5 for a reason. :) My favorite character was probably Anna I mean yes I am a woman so that could cause bias there however what I really liked about her was her determination and passion for her people. It is clear that she would sacrifice herself in order to save them.

Another story plug that I thought was great was how you took the story of Noah and shifted the outcome. It was a very original thought and I've never seen anything like it done before. Also, I really liked the inclusion of God, some writers may have taken this alternative approach to the Noah story and changed the outlook on God completely. However, you kept it close to home and even Noah was someone I felt that was portrayed very well.

Again sorry it took me so long to get feedback to you!

Thanks so much for the opportunity
Bethany Rojsczyk
Shadow's Breath

Clare B wrote 385 days ago

Good luck tomorrow Scott I hope the editor enjoys as much as us.

Clare Be The Human Sunshine :)

jtrobison wrote 385 days ago

Scott, I am impressed with your book, although I didn't read all of it. From what I've seen, you have a winner here. Congratulations on spot #5. I think you should be #1.
Jim

TDonna wrote 385 days ago

If there is one book that I will want to read over and over, The Ark of Humanity is the one. None other can compare with its richness of language, memorable characters, deep emotions, fascinating settings, intriguing plot, and extraordinary descriptions that make the story from the first to the last word an absorbing read. I loved it and always will. I hope that HC will be the publisher to seize this opportunity to publish it and let others discover the treasure therein.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 386 days ago

I am breathlessly counting down ... The ED will read the book that will captivate a broad audience with its stunningly beautiful descriptions, intriguing storyline, and fascinating characters.
Donna :)
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Grey Muir wrote 386 days ago

You have a great story here, Scott. I am glad to see you made it up to the top five this month!!!!
Congratulations. Hope you make the desk, bud. Seemly likely now.

Putting this in as a comment. I have you bookshelved, watchlisted , and 6 starred your work. Comments are the last way to add a little help.

Daniel Rider wrote 386 days ago

Having read other comments on this book, I have to agree that this book does an excellent job of description, especially of the underwater environment (is the author a diver? I wonder...), and giving a feeling of awe to the reader. There's also an underdog character (the walrus/voice comparison was awesome!) who doesn't quite fit in and his friend, a dolphin, a neat pairing that should be used well over the course of the book, and a startlingly unique premise to catch readers' interests. I think this could really do well.

The only area that may use some work, as mentioned in another review, is wordiness. I sometimes felt like there was just a little too much description, but quite frankly that might just have been me. I can say that I was a bit thrown by the way the story of the flood was told (not the Bible telling, but the underwater telling); I wish that could have been told in plainer language, without the need to sound so archaic in sentence structure. Perhaps that's the way the underwater people talk, or at least tell stories, but I do wonder if it's necessary. There's a definite contrast between this storytelling and the rest of the narrative, but it is somewhat jarring.

Ka'zaphir wrote 387 days ago

read the first two chapters and liked every word. Definitely a completely new idea that i have not seen done before. I liked the bits of back story, as well as the different words that these merfolk use to describe things in our world.

fatema wrote 387 days ago

What a imagiantion Scott! It is a fabulous book with a very unusual and exciting fantasy tale. An unexpected World under the water, full of activiites, challenges and surprises.

This book is for all age group, family suitable, good for aged and for fantasy lovers. The cover is very attractive and inviting. Readers of all age will get joy of read and therefore it should sell well. It deserve to be at the top.
I will back it soon. Good luck, Not because i am wishing, infact because you created it with your imagination. 6 stars.

upforgrabs wrote 387 days ago

My analysis/proof-reading of the first half of your second chapter....

Looking forward to your next review of "Tamria"!

James

***

“long mucked historic writings” – “long-mucked”, needs a hyphen

“then there were all those numerous shimmering trinkets…” – lose “numerous,” it’s made redundant by “all those.” “then there were all those shimmering trinkets in Amaranth’s hollowed-out cove on The East Shale Wall” – Also, is “The East Shale Wall” the name of a ship, like Orion’s Birth and The Meridian Sands? If so, it should be italicized. Stay consistent.

“as he anticipated what magics might unfold within” – “wondered” instead of “anticipated.” “trembling as he wondered what magics might unfold within.”

“spewing black poisonous ooze” – I think probably lose “black.” “Maybe even a fang-toothed ocean worm, spewing poisonous ooze…” – you’ve enough adjectives in this sentence already.

“with all of its swift approaching perils and heart pulsing speeds” – first off, “swift approaching” and “heart pulsing” need hyphens, because they’re being employed as adjectives. “swift-approaching”, “heart-pulsing”. I’d lose “all of”. –> “Maanta loved this wild ride, with its swift-approaching perils and heart-pulsing speeds.” Does that read better to you?

“There were never any wars; not so much as a skirmish” – “wars” here is plural, “skirmish” singular. You could try making the latter plural as well. So: “There were never any wars; not even skirmishes.” But I think a better phrase might be: “Maanta thought of the Meridian as a place where nothing of interest could ever happen. Conflict was unheard-of. Peace eternally reigned.” – Remember also what I told you about shortening usages of “The Meridian Hearth Sands” and “Orion’s Birth.” “Meridian” and “Orion” – you’ll be saving yourself a lot off the word count.

“gifted in adoration of…” – maybe “in worship of” is more appropriate

“with all of their food and merriment” – how about “bountiful”? “and with the weekly festivals to Gelu, with their bountiful food and merriment, Maanta was left to his own devices…”

“left to his own devices” – kind of a cliché phrase. I haven’t seen many clichés in your book so far. Here’s a much shorter, pithier phrasing (and better for it): “left to entertain himself.”

SO:
“An abundance of fish was gifted in worship of King Nicholea Rocaran from the people of Meridia, and with the weekly festivals to Gelu, with their bountiful food and merriment, Maanta was left to entertain himself.”

“the waters paled in their reflections from the ocean’s crest far above where Maanta glided” – an awfully complex passage. Break it down. And split this sentence in half. “Many light sheddings of time passed. The waters paled as Maanta glided, reflecting glimmers of the ocean surface.” - Isn’t that what you meant?

“Famished, both from… and from…” – change the word order. “Famished, from both… and…” – “Famished, from both the many whale-lengths swim and missing midday meal at Orion’s Birth” (I cut out the verb “while basking in” to make this smoother.) Simpler is often better

“Maanta’s soft touch caressed the side of Archa’s head” – more words than necessary. “Maanta caressed the side of Archa’s head”

“giving her the command to” – how about: “directing her to”? Much shorter and simpler.
SO: “Maanta caressed the side of Archa’s head, directing her down into the pulsing current.”

“well hidden resting places” – “well hidden” needs hyphen.

“teeny” – this word is just SO out-of-place. Like “fancy,” it doesn’t fit with the sophistication and complexity of the rest of your writing. “miniscule” is more suitable.

“swam a half circle” – W.R. (word repetition) again. How many iterations of “swim” have we seen now? And “half circle” needs a hyphen. “Maanta turned a half-circle”

“He was being careful to only take…” – different phrasing: “He was careful only to take what was needed for his dusk-meal.”

“’Maanta,’ his mother had once said” – since this a recollection of something his mother once said, maybe it should be in italics and not in speech marks?

Two uses of “partake” in this paragraph. It’s not a word commonly used. Please try to think of an alternative for the second one. There’s nothing wrong with a simple, straightforward “eat.” “We must eat of them to stay strong but that does not mean we should disrespect their lives.”

“red and pearl hued edible delight inside” – that needs hyphens. “red-and-pearl-hued delight inside.” Don’t need “edible.” We know he’s looking for food.

“contently savor” – “contentedly”

“remains of the food” – lose “of the food.” “Only when he had seen to did Maanta savour the remains.” Lose the adverb “contentedly”, it doesn’t add anything to this sentence and we know from the next sentence that he’s “contended.”

“He hadn’t truly realized how hungry he had been” – ‘he had been” should be “he was.” And watch out for unnecessary “had”s, they slow a sentence down. You really need to read your work over and over to get a sense of the rhythm and flow. “He hadn’t truly realized how hungry he was until he spied the critter-crawlers in the sands.”

Like “ocean,” the word “sands” appears to be recurring a lot.

“critter-crawlers” – that’s another recurring word. Use “critters.” “critter-crawlers” had an unintended “cute” effect.

“Rested and fed” – How about just “Nourished”?

“to take to the task of venturing home” – I think the other problem with your writing, not just your being a “description hound”, is that you often use more words than necessary when fewer will do. It’s what I call “fluff.” I’m working at hard at eliminating all possible fluff in my own writing. LESS IS MORE!!! “take to the task of venturing home” = 7 words. “return home” = 2 words. Do this kind of thing throughout your manuscript and the cumulative effect in reducing word count will be enormous! –> So, my phrasing: “Nourished, Maanta was ready to return home.”

“Cupping his fingertips once more” – didn’t you notice “once more” appeared on the previous line? Replace it with “again.”

“took his perch upon her sleek back” – AGAIN, more words than you need. What a simpler phrasing than “took his perch”? “seated himself.” “Cupping his fingertips again, he swept under Archa’s belly and seated himself on her sleek back.” (I’d have “on” not “upon.”)

“Ooooahooo” – should be italicized, because it’s not English. And maybe that doesn’t need speech marks.

“Maanta sang to Archa in her dolphin tongue asking to home” – make this two sentences. “’Ooooahooo,’ Manata sang to Archa. In the dolphin tongue, that was a request to go home.” (I know this is more words, not less, but I feel this works better.)

“haunting whispering response” – “whispered” instead of “whispering.” “The ocean spewed a haunting whispered response.”

“She reared in discomfort and tossed him from her back, off into a rising cove wall above where they had been delighting on dusk-meal just moments before” – I’m sure there’s a technical term for what you’re doing wrong in the second half of this sentence, but I don’t know what it is. Anyway - FEWER words. “She reared in discomfort, and tossed him from her back, off into a rising cove wall.”

How many times do we need to be told about the pallor of Maanta’s skin?

“in such pained unease” – you used “unease” in the last paragraph. W.R.

“Or should he go off investigating, into the ocean’s quickly blackening obsidian hue” – AGAIN, more words than you need. Shorter is more dramatic! – “obsidian ocean” is hands-down better than “quickly blackening obsidian hue.” It has an alliterative effect too.

“Not too far off on the ocean floor something stirred” - another sentence that could have a few words trimmed. “Nearby, something on the ocean floor stirred.” – THERE’S “OCEAN FLOOR” AGAIN!!!! PLEASE, SOMETHING DIFFERENT! “SEA-BED” IS A PERFECTLY VIABLE ALTERNATIVE!!!!!!

“moss covered stone” – hyphen. “moss-covered”

“Maanta swam with all the speed that could be summoned from his soul” – like the alliteration here, but 1, it’s the word “swim” again, and I don’t know how many times you’ve used that now. 2, it’s too long and purple-prosy. Shorter is better! “Maanta swam with all the speed he could summon.”

TDonna wrote 387 days ago

Everything about this book is memorable -- characters, storyline, setting, the intricate plot. The style of writing is so beautiful, it tuned out distractions and I became a participant within the story. An absolutely wonderful read!
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 388 days ago

There is one line: "I am so blessed. ... There is beauty in everything." That's what you did for readers in every chapter. You've given each a gem. An emerald here. A ruby in the next. A sapphire in another. By the last sentence, we sigh with delight for having enjoyed beautiful writing while rushing through underwater caverns, battled evil forces, loved with the greatest might, and found our way through the darkness into the Light. Anyone with an open heart will see this book for the treasure that it is.
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

leejohn wrote 389 days ago

Hi Scott

I will give your book a read. Love the pre face! ;)

Thanks

Leejohn

sandstone1521 wrote 389 days ago

What if?
I only read the first chapter and i'm totally captivated. Wow, what an awesome idea for a novel. I won't be able to read much more today, but i can tell the writing is brilliant and well worthy of six stars and a place on my shelf. Gl with the ED.
sandstone

upforgrabs wrote 389 days ago

Hi, here's my first in-depth analysis of your first chapter. I am not going to question your talent as a wordsmith, you have an enormous vocabulary and an exceptional aptitude for description and world-building. However, I think your weakness is that you allow the description to overwhelm the story.

You and I are very different writers. I believe that description should serve as a backdrop to action and storytelling, whereas you expend an enormous amount of time and energy painting your world. But some of the description is redundant - there is repetition of information, as you will see in my comments below. You've done a marvellous job of conjuring up this fantastic worldscape for us, but your story would be so much better if that was leaner. Less is more, as the saying goes.

Remember the old version of Tamria I had on this site? The first chapter ("A Very Special Day") was originally eight A5 pages long, mostly description, and it drew a fair bit of flak for that. I've managed to trim it down to half the length, and it feels much stronger in its compact form.

There is a big problem with word repetition here, and I'll be surprised if no one else has noticed it. "Ocean" appears eleven times in your first chapter - I did a page count - and "ocean floor" four times. In many cases you could cut that second word out, and it wouldn't hurt the story any. In fact, elimination of unnecessary words is an effective way of streamlining your work. If you just had "floor," the reader would know what you meant - the ocean floor! And why not "sea bed" or some other alternative?

You're rather free with adjectives and adverbs, and there are numerous instances of complex, elaborate sentences being used where sparser, simpler, more straightforward ones might be more effective. For example:

"Dipping swiftly down, he swam quickly and with ease, tensing his muscles like a harpoon through the oean depths"

- I changed to: "Dipping down, he tensed his muscles, propelling his body like a harpoon through the ocean depths."

In the original version, didn't you notice you a massive tautology? "quickly", "swiftly" and "with ease" - they all mean practically the same thing!

Some paragraphs might be broken up, made shorter. This would create more "white space" on the page and give the impression the story is moving with more pace.

Some purple prose: e.g. "outstretched rainbow of beauty." Nice phrase, but I wouldn't have it.

There's a more comprehenxive list of suggestions below. Please don't think of me as being unduly harsh in my appraisal; I am still awarding it six stars, because I see tremendous potential in your work, I just feel that you're letting yourself down on several counts. Seeing how many people have been gushing over your work here, I'm probably not going to make myself popular saying that. But I don't see the point in pulling my punches. The literary world won't. I wouldn't have spent the last three hours preparing this critique if I wasn't genuine about it, and I wouldn't bother posting it here if I didn't think it could help you out!

Always your friend, Scott - and really hoping you'll take this advice on-board.

James
"Tamria"

**********


“the lord” – “lord”, like “God”, is always capitalized: “the Lord.”

The first paragraph: ‘To many men…” – I wonder if that might work better broken up into segments. That’s one thing I’ve been doing with my editing, chopping up longer paragraphs and finding ways to make them leaner, shorter. Generally speaking, smaller paras are more attractive and white space looks appealing on a page. It can also add drama and tension to your prose. Here’s how I might dissect your first paragraph (and I’ve made some edits as well) – tell me if you think this makes for an improvement:

To many men, Orion’s Birth was a place hushed: plagued within their thoughts, vanquished from their words. But Maanta was not just any man.

In truth, he was not a man at all but rather something of a boy, and even among his peers was acknowledged as more strange than not. The most “normal” of his bizarre traits was the fact that his body had not particularly agreed with him in the decision to lengthen and evolve into adulthood.

In the recent illuminations and fallings of the sun, his peers in the Meridian Hearth Sands had grown many minnow lengths. Their chests had broadened, muscles gained definition, and their vocal cords had evolved into tones akin to that of walruses – as opposed to the high-pitched sounds of whale song.

***

“All about Orion’s Birth” – I notice that “Orion’s Birth” isn’t italicized here, but it was before. This is something you want to keep consistent throughout a manuscript. If you’re using Microsoft Word, there’s a hassle-free way to change every instance of this in a document. Go to Find and Replace, click More, enter Orion’s Birth in Find what, Click Format (at the bottom left), then Font, in Font Style click Not Italic, enter Orion’s Birth in Replace with, click Format, Font, enter Italic in Font Style, and then Replace All.

“swiveling hues” – a clever word-combination, but is “swiveling” really the right word for the context? “shimmering” might work better. Kudos though for not choosing the obvious word!

“sewn within his thoughts” – clever combination of words

“simmering upon his tongue” – maybe “simmering on his tongue”

“whence” – it’s an old word meaning “from where.” (and “hence” = “from here.” “hither” and “thither” are “to here” and “to there” respectively. Like “hitherto”, those are words whose meaning isn’t fully appreciated nowadays.) I wonder if you’re using this word in the wrong context – you didn’t just choose it to give a veneer of antiquity, did you? If what you really mean is: “Many fathoms past *when* aqua fabrics first roamed the world, *when* mortals breathed beginnings” then your word-choice is wrong.

“finished this particular haunting tale” – I think you could do without “particular.” Cutting out extraneous words is a good way to tidy up and streamline your manuscript. I’ve taken about 5,000 off mine (c. 100,000 words) just by doing this. “Maanata’s mother had finished this haunting tale with a warning…”

Again, “Orion’s Birth” – no italics. “Meridian Hearth Sands” no italics also.


Another instance of paragraph shortening: here’s my take (with some editing):

Maanta’s mother had finished this haunting tale with a warning never to approach the deadly fluid which pulsed within the walls of Orion’s Birth. Of course, Maanta being naturally rebellious, this was all the more reason for him to seek it out.

Because of this very tale – whether it was true or not Maanta did not know(1) - the people of the Meridian(2) dared not venture past the mystic blue-glowing walls. Maanta was not the only one to have entered(3) this place for many tides and was shunned for doing so.

Water currents swam between his back(4) and the clay earth beneath him. Closing his eyes, Maanta submerged his fingertips in the cool earth, embracing the currents rippling beneath his body.

Whenever he closed his eyes like this he almost felt as if he were a Manta Ray and not just a Maanta boy, with his swiveling body braced close to the sands and kelp ocean-floor. He imagined he was ray combing the depths for food and exploring the world, speaking to the fish as he pulsed along. He imagined the sunlight warming(5) his closed eyelids to be molten crevices in the crust of the Meridian(6), illuminating his trail to future seaweed fields and blackened volcanic chasms.

EDITING CHANGES:

1: “whether it held true merit or not” – I felt “whether it was true or not” Is much more straightforward and conventional. “true merit” is tautology; “whether it held merit or not” is better. “whether it held truth or not” is a possible alternative.

2: “Meridian Hearth Sands” – with long names like this, I think it’s a good idea to occasionally use a shortened version. So “Meridian”, and sometimes just “Orion” instead of “Orion’s Birth.”

3: “entered within” – “within” isn’t needed. “to have entered this place” is much smoother-sounding.

4: “slim, pale back” – that description was given just a little earlier in the chapter; you don’t need to repeat information. Or, if you choose to, don’t use the same words.

5: “warming over his closed eyelids” – I think the word “over” isn’t needed. “warming his closed eyelids”, better.

6: see point 2


***

The next paragraph: “A school of glimmering silver fish…” contains several adjectives and some words that might go. I’ve spoken to Cara in person and we both agree that while your writing is fantastically descriptive and imaginative, it is slightly weighed down by over-wordiness. Here’s my suggested edit:

A school of silver fish swam in unison across his long bluish fins, tickling them. The fish flowed(1) with graceful ease(2)(3) until the horizon swallowed them. While immersing his thoughts in the cast of imaginary lava-webs and swaying vegetation(4), Maanta awoke. One lone ripple peacefully swept itself across his daydream, then another, and another until every precious flowing droplet of his illusion(5) shivered into a blur.

EDITING CHANGES:

1, the verb “swam” appeared in the last sentence – avoid word repetition. And what else do fish do but swim? There must be verb variants, look some up. I’ve changed it to “flowed”, which is a nice alternative.

2, I think “with graceful ease” is good enough on its own, you don’t need “swiftly”.

3, “through the water” – this really isn’t needed! They’re fish, they’re swimming, of *course* they’re in water! Just “the fish flowed with graceful ease until the horizon swallowed their path”.

4, a logical question, does vegetation sway underwater?

5, “imagined illusion” – tautology. Just “illusion”, you don’t need “imagined.”

***

“which was built long ago to assist Orion’s Birth in performing whatever task it might have been created to perform…” – I think “which had been built…” would be better, to fit with the tense of the rest of the sentence.

“pale, trembling fingers” – the word “pale” has appeared a few times now. Try a different word. How about “white, trembling fingers”.

“beneath where Maanta hovered and slept…” – surely “beneath which”? “Swarming, transparent bubble liquid plumes rose from the inner room sands and from the very sands beneath which Maanta had hovered and slept just moments prior.”

“silver fish” – since this name appears to refer to a particular breed of fish, maybe it should be one word, “silverfish.”

“Maanta thought while watching as the bubbles played in a waltz towards their new home with the rest of their fluid’s family on the ocean’s surface” – this is a long sentence which could do with being tidied up. Here’s my go at tightening it up: “They dance like northern silverfish schools, Maanta thought as he watched the bubbles waltz toward their new home, with the rest of their fluid’s family on the ocean surface”

“Relinquishing his embrace…” – rather verbose, the word “relinquish.” How about “release” ? “Releasing his hold on the ocean floor…” Notice that I’ve changed “ocean’s floor” to “ocean floor”, because this sounds more proper. Ever heard the phrase “sea’s bed”? No, it’s always “sea-bed”. Should be “ocean floor”, then, not “ocean’s floor.”

“Along his ascent away, he wove fancy, precise somersaults and flips through the inner room’s bubble tapestry” – the word “fancy” seriously hurts this sentence. Did you choose that for a particular reason? Why “fancy”? Is he showing off, trying to impress someone? Just cut it. And you don’t need “away” after “ascent.” “Along his ascent, he wove precise somersaults and flips…” - But also, is there any *reason* he is performing acrobatic manoeuvres? I find this confusing. Wouldn’t it be so much simpler and pithier just to say he released his grip on the ocean floor, and propelled himself toward the Orion’s wall?

“… and managed the last minute rescue of a pearl white snail from the sands a few feet from the wall…” – 1, the word “sands” is recurring a lot. Look up every instance of the word in this chapter and change/delete as many of them as possible. 2, is his rescue of the snail significant in any way? Does it do anything to advance the story, build up Maanta’s personality, or is it a fancy throw-away descriptive passage? I really think this should go. With this scene, you should paint a much more concise picture of the Orion’s Birth without this extraneous information.

“His latest treasure was tucked delicately in a whale hide satchel his mother had gifted him some time ago before her passing” – again, is this important? Never drop casual plot/character details like that into descriptions.

“made up of stone” – lose “up.” “made of stone”

“Orion’s Birth consisted…” – quite a bit of what might be called “purple prose” in your description here. I’m not averse to description, and I’ll admit I’m no master at it myself, but you have to be careful, weigh every word. Certain phrases could be condensed, to speed up the flow of the passage and decrease the word count. For example: “shimmering of the purest white” – “pure shimmering white.” “The third inner wall was pure shimmering white, splattered with glowing runes…”

“This wall glowed with the soft, seemingly beaconing glow”
1, the word “glow” – that was used in the last sentence (“glowing runes”), AND in this sentence: “glowed.” That’s three “glow”s in the space of two sentences! There must be synonyms!
2, I’ve seen the noun “beacon” used as a verb before! And I feel it’s one more adjective than necessary. Sometimes less is more, as they say.

“coral-covered walls” – that’s another reference in this paragraph to the walls, which were described just a few lines before as “consumed by millennia of kelp, coral and anemone inhabitation” (as a side note, maybe “habitation” is better than “inhabitation.”) You’re repeating information. Don’t need to re-reference the walls.

“sprink shades of yellow, red and orange…” – do you mean “sprinkled” ? Because “sprink” – I don’t know what that word means – looks to be present tense, but the rest of this passage is past.

“outstretched rainbow of beauty” – this is what some would call purple prose.

“Their outstretched arms reached up….” – the word “outstretched” appeared two lines above: “Four outstretched pillars.” Again, you seem to have a problem with word-repetition. What’s an alternative for “outstretched”? “extended,” “grasping,” “reaching” – there’s three.

“Instantaneously, the centre of Orion’s Birth…” – I would have “All of a sudden” instead of a verb to begin this paragraph. “Instantaneously” implies that this happens IN AN INSTANT, which is impossible – how could Orion fill up in one second? – whereas “All of a sudden” suggests *unexpectedly*, without warning.

“He had seen this display so many times before yet…” – lose “before,” it’s one word that isn’t needed. “He had seen this display so many times yet was always mystified by the sight.”

“however it was also magnificently intricate and amazing” – the word “amazing” seems out-of-place. Like “cool”, it has a specific context. I’d just lose the second half of this sentence. Here’s how I might phrase it: “He knew that it was death if you caught in its plume.”

“Dipping swiftly down, he swam quickly and with ease, tensing his muscles like a harpoon through the ocean floors” – I liked the simile “like a harpoon,” thought that was clever. But you have two adverbs in that sentence with the same meaning. “swiftly” and “quickly”. One of them should go, and maybe both could be eliminated. The more words you excise from you writing, the stronger it will become. Here’s my edit: “Maanta grinned with anticipation. Dipping down, he tensed his muscles, propelling his body like a harpoon through the ocean depths.”

“upon reaching the ocean floor” – again, word repetition. The word “ocean” appeared in the last sentence (“ocean depths.”) You must keep an eye open for this sort of thing! Just “floor.” We know it’s the ocean floor! SO: “Dipping down, he tensed his muscles, propelling his body like a harpoon through the ocean depths. He knew what he would discover upon reaching the floor.”

“His sleek, webbed fingers quickly slipped around her smooth fins” – I’m going to use the acronym W.R. for word repetition. The word “quickly” was used in the previous paragraph. Here, I don’t think you need it. “His sleek, webbed fingers slipped around her smooth fins.” But do we need a detailed description of his fingers at this point in the action? We know his fingers are sleek and webbed, you described them to us at the start of the story! “He slipped his fingers around her smooth fins, and Maanta braced himself.” There, that’s a LOT fewer words!

“Her deep dolphin eyes swept the yonder aquatic realm in preparation, partaking of the calm before the storm” – a complex and over-elaborate sentence. You have a large arsenal of words, but the skill of the writer is in knowing where to use them and, more importantly, when NOT to use them. I’ll be honest, I have a penchant for description myself, but I usually take great care with my descriptive passages. Simplify, simplify, simplify. We *don’t* need the word “aquatic,” we know the setting! “Her deep dolphin eyes swept the distance in preparation, partaking of the calm before the storm.”

“swarming towards the ocean’s floor” – W.R. How many times have we seen “ocean floor” or “ocean’s floor” in this chapter? Something different: “sea-bed”.

“in a tight hug” – “embrace” might sound better here than “hug.” “Maanta softly kissed the dolphin’s smooth forehead and pulled himself closer to his friend in a tight embrace.”

“The two… a harpoon in the ocean’s breeze.” – This is an excellent final sentence for your first chapter, but how many times has the word “ocean” been used in this first chapter? I’ve done a search on this page and found 11! (Not including the prologue and your book description.) In some of your paragraphs, it appears twice! You MUST change some of those words, or else it becomes redundant. We *know* this story is set underwater, so you don’t need to keep reminding the reader!

jtrobison wrote 389 days ago

Great book. Top 5. wow!

TDonna wrote 389 days ago

Scott, what else I like about your book beside the beautiful descriptions, fascinating settings, and exciting action? Your characters, primary and secondary, and how they relate to each other and develop through the story. A reader can extract so much wisdom from watching their transformation while enjoying a fantastic experience!
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

ViViAsh wrote 390 days ago

Congratulations on making it to the top 5! Your work deserves to be published. You have an exceptional talent with the written word and you create a compelling universe. I could definitely see this developed as a movie or even a video game! Congratulations to you!

Wishing you all the best and support!- Victor (ViVi Ash)

Shelby Z. wrote 390 days ago

Way to GO!
Praise God's timing!
Best wishes, Scott!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

faith rose wrote 390 days ago

Dear Scott,

It is so great to see you in the top 5...we're all pulling for you! 'The Ark of Humanity' is a wonderful piece...your position on the desk is very well-deserved! :)

~Faith Rose

Scott Toney wrote 390 days ago

I want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone! You all have been such a tremendous help in getting The Ark of Humanity to the top 5 and in getting it ready for my HC review and I want you to know just how much that means to me! I would not be where I am without you, and more important than my space on the site to me are your friendships. I would trade my space and even my books themselves to keep the friendships we have. Their value is that great. I want you to know that once The Ark of Humanity is taken and given a star I will remain as active on the site with you, giving full reads to all of my friends who have meant so much and doing all I can to support you as you rise in rank as well. You are so important to me! Your friendships are so important to me!

Have a fantastic, amazing, wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity :)

TDonna wrote 390 days ago

A reader knows from the first lines that s/he is about to explore an extraordinary tale that appeals both as a literary jewel and an absorbing adventure. By the end of the first chapter, you've created a mysterious setting with an intriguing character and gave me just enough clues to make me want to keep reading. This is an absolute treasure, Scott!
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Grey Muir wrote 391 days ago

Congrats, Scott. You're in the top five. Awesome.
Keeping you on the shelf, starred, and watchlisted.
Plus a few comments. Good luck.

scavola wrote 391 days ago

First, congrats on making it to #5, hope you hang on and stay on the editor's desk, as it's well deserved.

Second, I finally finished all 35 chapters. What an adventure, quite satisfying, but I'm glad to see that you're doing a 'hardcore edit'.

I know that the situation is dire and the story moves fast, but additional character interactions, a little fun and frolic, especially between Maanta and Anna, could give it more depth.

I can't say that I liked the hike up the mountain just for the sake of it, I thought they were climbing to the cavern entrance, (even though you said it was at the base, being relative to the mountain's size it could still be a ways up there).

Shift's yoda-speak gets cumbersome, especially during the action, and really isn't necessary as none of his people speak that way.

The two chapters of the dream being almost identical made me go back and forth to see if it was a mistake or not.

The overlapping point of view narratives are a little jarring, as are the out of order scenes and the place and time listed at the chapter heading; it doesn't flow if every chapter I have to ask, okay, where are we and who are we with?

The final battle, especially against the dark one, could be more intense. Besides Evanshade, the group just swam off. And maybe Evanshade could have taken out Venge as he . . .

This is just my opinion, one of many, and is meant as constructive criticism. A professional editor would address all this, what makes a book better, pacing, etc. and at this point, if I were you I'd hire one. It'd be the best investment you could make as this is destined to be a best-seller!

Scott Toney wrote 391 days ago

:) Sure does feel good. Now to finish with these hard core edits :).

Have a wonderful night everyone!

- Scott