Book Jacket

 

rank 832
word count 12475
date submitted 18.07.2010
date updated 06.12.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Avenging Buddha

Steve Bailey

Nick Price's wife died in an ill-conceived heist. Years later, his old gang fall victim to a vengeful killer. Someone is back from the dead.

 


Nick Price lost his wife as he flew out of Tibet with treasures looted from the Dali Lama’s palace. Eighteen years later, burdened by guilt and bound by conspiracy, he watches dispassionately as a killer eliminates his old gang.

During a serial murder investigation, DCI Jack Magee finds an old photograph of Nick and his old friends celebrating in a Bangkok bar. Each murder victim is linked to the photograph, and the story behind the celebration becomes crucial. Yet Magee is thwarted by Nick’s unwillingness to confront his past.

Only when Nick is kidnapped, flown up to ten thousand feet in a horribly familiar old airplane and forced to re-enact the tragic events that led to his wife’s death, is he willing to consider there is only one possible solution to the killer’s identity. Not that it makes sense, since he witnessed the man die eighteen years ago.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

adventure, crime, lewes, murder, mystery, revenge, tibet, treasure

on 43 watchlists

116 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

3

report abuse

Chapter 2

With his world-weary face tilted down, Nick Price studied the scale model of a proposed shopping-cum-residential complex, a mere stone’s throw away from Brighton’s beachfront. For years the site had been a derelict eyesore; a once proud amusement arcade, no longer in fashion with the town’s holidaymakers. He said nothing for a whole minute, his lean, craggy features showing no emotion as his eyes took in the design. His audience of architects, bankers and engineers, gathered in the plush function room of the Thistle Hotel, showed signs of unease.

It was Nittaya who broke the silence. ‘Come on Daddy, say something for goodness sake.’ No one else would have dared interrupt her father’s thoughts.

‘Well, I’m not too sure about this roof terrace, it’s a bit …’ Nick stopped short as he caught a glance of rebuke from his beloved daughter. Instead, he allowed his face to crack into an ear-to-ear smile. ‘It’s wonderful, Nit. Truly wonderful. You and Somsuk have worked really hard on this haven’t you?’

‘Todd helped us, Daddy. You shouldn’t forget him.’

Nick turned and winked at his old mate, Todd. He knew where the credit really lay. And he also knew he didn’t have to praise his old friend in public. Their relationship went far deeper than that. ‘Yeah, I know that. It’s just that I’m so proud of you. Your first major business venture. I just wish your mother could have been here to see it.’

Nittaya put her arm round her father’s waist. ‘I know, Daddy. I do too.’

Nick brushed aside a stray hair from Nittaya’s face before saying in a commanding voice, ‘Now then, folks. There’s just one small but vital matter to clear up. Are you sure you can build this out for under fifty million?’

‘Forty-seven million, almost to the penny,’ a quantity surveyor replied. ‘We’ve secured fixed price quotes for the build plus all incidentals. Interest and bank fees on top, of course, but that shouldn’t be more than another five million.’

‘And you’ve got a buyer at sixty?’ 

‘The Bank of Kyoto,’ Todd responded. ‘They’ve already signed a memorandum of understanding. They’ll sign contracts as soon as we can confirm that finance is in place for the construction.’

‘So what are you waiting for?’ Nick retorted.

Todd winked at Nittaya before replying, ‘We just need you to give your final blessing, Nick.’

‘And a big fat cheque too, no doubt?’ Nick grimaced, but inside, deep down inside, his heart warmed. He’d done the mental arithmetic in a split second; two million pounds each for Todd and himself, same for his two kids. A sweet deal, indeed, for little risk and no real effort.

‘It would certainly help, Mr Price.’ The response came from a man in a business suit a few feet away. ‘As you’re the senior partner in this project, we really do need to have your equity stake deposited with our bank to get the ball rolling.’

Nittaya looked with expectation at her father. His heart melted at the sight of her pleading eyes. ‘Well, I suppose it’s too late to pull out now,he jested. He handed over a brown envelope to the banker and sighed as though dispensing a cheque for five million pounds was a daily chore. ‘Let’s break out the champagne and open the doors, the press are going to be here any second.’

A mixture of cheers and sighs of relief filled the room. Corks popped, glasses were filled and trays of nibbles were handed around as a large crowd of pompous looking civic dignitaries wandered into the room at the appointed hour.

Never one to enjoy the pomp associated with these occasions, Nick withdrew to one side with Nittaya in tow. Todd would do the honours, pumping hands, making small talk, massaging egos. Todd always did, he was a natural at public relations. It was Todd’s forte, and his reward was for his ego to be massaged as he basked in the spotlight.

It was, therefore, with a heavy heart that Nick watched Todd steer in his direction a large bearded man wearing the chain of office of the Leader of Brighton Borough Council.

‘Martin,’ Todd said as he drew closer, ‘let me introduce you to my old friend, Nick Price.’

The Council Leader grabbed Nick’s hand and shook it for far longer than was socially appropriate. Nick could almost read the Councilor’s thoughts; no doubt the man would dine out on the experience for months to come. He knew he was a local talking point; poor boy made good, generous benefactor, white knight to local charities, or an evil conniving property developer with half the Council in his pocket. The press was divided, as were the people of Brighton.

‘Now then, Martin,’ Todd cut in, ‘you must come and have your photograph taken standing next to the model of our town’s new state-of-the-art shopping complex.’

‘Of course, Todd, but we really should wait for my special guest.’

A frown formed on Nick’s forehead. ‘Special guest?’ he asked. He threw a look of bewilderment in Todd’s direction.

‘Geoffrey Rees Smith, of course,’ the Councilor replied in a cordial manner. ‘Our very own esteemed Member of Parliament. We couldn’t leave him out, now, could we Mr Price?’

What?’ Nick retorted. He could feel his cheeks burning.

‘Martin,’ Todd exploded, ‘I don’t believe this! You didn’t tell me you were going to invite him. I thought I made it clear that guests had to be approved in advance.’

‘Come now, Todd,’ the Councilor replied wagging a finger in Todd’s face. ‘We’re talking about a great coup here for both of us. Geoffrey was appointed Home Secretary in last month’s cabinet reshuffle. For goodness sake, we can’t possibly miss out on this opportunity. Think of the publicity we’ll both get.’

Nick threw Todd a doubtful look and was just about to say something impolite when the door burst open to the sound of raucous laughing. He moaned as he watched the tall, broad, imposing frame of the Home Secretary stride into the room, his demeanor as ostentatious as was possible.

‘Bollocks!’ Nick muttered, attracting a recriminating look from his daughter.

‘Bollocks, indeed,’ Todd responded under his breath.

A feeling of foreboding settled on Nick as he watched the arrogant politician proclaim his arrival by greeting everyone in a loud voice. He felt the blood drain from his face as a pain surged through his chest. He grabbed hold of his daughter’s arm moments before he felt his legs wobble.

Nittaya looked at her father in horror. ‘Daddy? Are you all right, Daddy?’

‘Sorry, Nit, I’m just having one of my funny turns.’ He watched in dismay as the Councilor moved in on the politician, mouth wide open in an ingratiating smile, followed close at heels by Todd.

‘Geoffrey, thank you so much for coming,’ the Councilor said with a flamboyant waving of his arms. ‘So good of you to find time, you must be so busy these days.’

‘I am indeed, Martin,’ Rees Smith boomed in response, as if determined to let the whole room know of his importance. ‘Still, anything I can do to promote the town’s image, you know me, I’m always pleased to help.’

The false smile refused to shift from the Councilor’s face. ‘Let me introduce you to the project’s founders.’

‘By all means,’ Rees Smith responded with one of his own insincere smiles.

The Councilor turned to face Todd who seemed to be taking an unusual interest in something on the ground. ‘This is Todd Conners. He’s a long time associate of mine on the Council.’

‘How do you do,’ the Home Secretary said. But as Todd raised his eyes to make contact, Rees Smith’s smile turned sour, his extended hand fell limp to his side.

Todd folded his arms across his chest and responded with a curt greeting. ‘Hello, Geoff.’

‘And over there,’ the Councilor continued unaware of the apparent drama, ‘is Nick Price, the senior partner in this venture. Todd, perhaps you would be kind enough to make the introductions?’

Rees Smith’s eyes turned in Nick’s direction.

Even from thirty feet away in a crowded room, Nittaya had missed nothing. She prodded her father. ‘I think you’re wanted, Daddy. The Councilor Leader’s trying to get your attention.’

If looks could kill, Nick would have been a happy man as he stared daggers at the politician.

‘Come on, Daddy,’ Nittaya said with glee. ‘This should generate some good press coverage.’ She linked arms with her father and set off across the room.

Nick got dragged against his will. He stopped a few feet short of the Home Secretary and fought back the bile rising in his stomach.

Todd coughed, breaking the atmosphere. ‘Geoff, may I present Nittaya.’

The Home Secretary’s attention diverted from Nick’s piercing eyes. His face dropped as he took in Nittaya’s beauty and radiance. ‘My God,’ he muttered, ‘but you’re . . .’ 

Todd coughed again, much louder. ‘Geoff, Nittaya is Nick’s daughter.

‘I, um,’ Rees Smith spluttered as he threw a sideways glance in Nick’s direction. ‘Sorry, Nittaya, it’s just that you remind me so much of your mother.’

Nittaya looked astounded. ‘You knew my mother?’

Rees Smith frowned. ‘A lifetime ago. You were just a baby if I remember correctly.’

Nittaya turned and looked inquisitively at her father, but received no reaction. She met Todd’s eyes, and received an affirming nod. ‘So you already know my father then? And Todd too, presumably? How? I’m sorry, I don’t understand. How did my mother know a Home Secretary?

I wasn’t Home Secretary back then. Not even a politician. I’d just graduated, had some time free. I went travelling around the world, seeking adventure. I stayed in Bangkok for a while and went to your father’s bar a few times.’

Nittaya looked with scorn at both Todd and her father. ‘Nobody mentioned this to me.’

‘No,’ Rees Smith responded quietly. ‘I’m sure there was no reason to. You know the old saying, about ships passing in the night.’

Nick had been standing frozen rigid to the spot, a far-away look in his eye. Beads of sweat had broken out on his forehead. He could find no words to say.

Nittaya squeezed her father’s hand as though urging him to snap out of his reverie. Smiling at the Home Secretary, she said sweetly, ‘It’s been very kind of you to attend today, sir. Can I persuade you to have an official photograph taken standing next to the model of our new complex over there?’

‘Yes, of course,’ Rees Smith replied with a genuine smile. ‘I’d be delighted.’

Nick was dragged further across the room. As he was shuffled into position next to the Home Secretary, a flashlight temporarily blinded him. He cursed inwardly. Eighteen years had been a long time. Too long.

 

Chapters

3

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Spilota wrote 76 days ago

Steve, I've read what you've posted of this and enjoyed it. I'd definitely take it home from the library. I'm also messaging you with a couple more observations.

KathrynW wrote 80 days ago

Dear Steve

I've read all the chapters of The Avenging Buddha that you have posted on authonomy. I also had a look at your website, which looks as though you have finished the novel. I enjoyed it very much: great plotting, dialogue and characterisation. Short, snappy paragraphs which push the action forward and keeps the reader hooked. The only thing I disliked was the sexualisation of breast feeding in chapter 1, which may be a male fantasy but might put off your female readers.

Overall this is a really professional piece of writing, and your front covers are terrific too. It felt as though I had picked up a thriller from a bookshop rather than a work in progress which is a characteristic of much the material on authonomy. I'm backing you and hope that you get spotted by an agent or a publisher even if you don't get to the top 5 here (not that that seems to mean much as nothing seems to get published by Harper Collins in any case). High stars!

Kathryn

Abby Vandiver wrote 221 days ago

You write very well and I like the character development in Chapter One. Your characters are likeable and so I worry about their fate as mentioned in your pitche. The flow is easy and engaging.

Good job.

Abby

ubulord wrote 249 days ago

I've never read a "mystery / crime" book, but this one sounds good to me. I think it's quite well written. It surely is a lot more than simply "competent" but I can't judge how good it is without it being complete. Without being complete also, I don't think I should rate it. In my opinion, one can't rate a story that's only halfway. It can turn into a masterpiece or a complete pice of ..., who knows. For some reason that I can't explain, chapter 5 sounded better than the previous ones.

Lara wrote 487 days ago

It's an exciting and complicated chase of a killer. I predict a fairly wide appeal.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Diwrite wrote 490 days ago

Good stuff.
The writing is comfortable with an easy flow and believable dialogue.
I got a little confused about who was who in the first chapter, but that could just be me being a bit of a div.
Personally, I think your first sentence could be a bit snappier - it felt a little too long. But, I'm a stickler for great first lines and have re-written mine countless times.

I've backed and starred you.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

RobRow wrote 541 days ago

Steve:

I'm drawn right into this on the strength of your excellent writing. Good work!

Rob

AMW wrote 567 days ago

Steve,

I read through chap 3 then encountered download difficulties... will have to come back for more later. But my initial thought is that you don't need the first chap. Although it orients me to information in chap 2 and 3, I think I, as a reader, am okay if bits of background about Mal, the bar, etc are provided as I go along. They serve as story hooks to keep me reading to find out more.

If you are going to keep chap 1, something to consider is that you've started the scene in the anonymous point of view of "the writer". That feels distancing to me. It wasn't until Nick, Todd and Mal began interacting that I was pulled into the story.

Your writing is polished and engaging, and your story intriguing and I look forward to reading more.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Jesse Powell wrote 643 days ago

Okay, I love how Magee is always shouting Bollocks! This is tight. The rapid-fire back and forth, conversations are interrogations. Mystery, insanity, the shadowy murderer. God, your good. Can I spoil the end? M's brother? I like the idea that Nick was the ( ) one! The final scene, dude it was just creepy. I did feel a little jilted that the guy was "killed too easily". I bet, mentioning plumpness, there could be a parachute and a sequel? Might mention Rees wearing a bullet-proof vest because he is shot a lot.

6 stars from me!

J.Kinkade wrote 658 days ago

Great pitch!~ Watchlisted for now. Looks to be an interesting read...JKinkade

Joshua Jacobs wrote 673 days ago

First impression: Wow! That first paragraph is a beauty. You establish the fact you're an outstanding writer, you create a distinct voice that I could easily see myself reading for several hundred pages, and you've set the scene perfectly.

Your writing style is addicting. It's fast-paced and polished. You avoid unnecessary info, words, adverbs, dialogue tags, etc. It's a true pleasure to read your writing.

The exchange between Nick and his wife was excellent. Your dialogue is to-the-point, realistic, and filled with characterization. Whether intentionally or not, you've created a connection between your characters and your reader through this dialogue. The exchange between friends is realistic, too, and contains a subtle humor that works well.

Not only is this polished, but it's well-edited. At the completion of chapter one (and chapter two!!), I didn't come across a single mistake. I can't tell you how nice it was to sit back and enjoy this one. I could easily see myself taking this to the beach and reading it from cover to cover. I had only intended to read the first chapter, but you hooked me and I couldn't stop. Oops.

After reading chapter two, I'm impressed with how effective your first chapter was. I had a serious "aww" moment when I read "It was almost as if he could feel her presence." Way to play with my emotions. You also end the second chapter effectively. You raise a couple of big questions that will keep your reader hooked. Dang you! I have stuff to do today!

Suggestions: I became slightly confused with "She knelt to tend to her baby." Who is the she? There are a bunch of characters quickly introduced and you throw around pronouns assuming the reader knows who you're talking about. In most cases, I followed fine. In this one, I was confused. Also, the "family" situation is a bit confusing. You might be clearer in your introduction of them.

Other than that, my only real suggestions have nothing to do with your writing or story. First, you need a cover. The generic cover doesn't do this justice. Contact Bradley Wind. He's a genius and he'll make you one for free. Second, and this will be much more difficult if you've grown attached to it, but I think you should reconsider the title. While I'm sure it has significance, it really didn't grab my attention like it should have. This book is too good not to be noticed.

What can I say other than this is what six-star novels are all about? When the race to the editor's desk is all said and done, I know exactly what book I'm coming back to. This one. Please tell me when this is published. I'd love to buy a copy.

CarolinaAl wrote 676 days ago

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. An interesting, engaging main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Hey Jook, coming in for a swim?' Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
2) 'A hard life had aged him beyond his years.' 'Aged him beyond his years' is cliche. Consider a more unique way to make this point.
3) 'Not with his background' ratcheted up the intrigue nicely.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) 'Eighteen years later, 12.15 am Saturday 27th April 1991.' '12.15 am' should be '12.15 a.m.'
2) 'And tonight it felt cold to the touch.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the coldness so vividly the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into the scene. There is another case of 'felt' in this chapter.
3) 'He could feel his heart pounding like a drum.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe the pounding so realistically the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be more engaged in the scene. Also, 'pounding like a drum' is cliche. Consider using a more original similie.
4) 'It was as though someone was walking over his grave' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind the next time you reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a wonderful day.

Al

Tonia Marlowe wrote 712 days ago

Oh, I wish I had more time right now so I could keep reading. Chapter One was delightful, with such realistic depictions I could almost be there - it reminded me of Coolangatta (Qld) back in the day. Not now, though.

And the shock of the transition to Chapter 2. I am almost seduced into staying - wish I could.
Thank you for this, Steve. I'll be back.

Tonia
Blue Diamonds

silvachilla wrote 739 days ago

Hi Steve

First of all, massive apologies for coming round to you so late, I really appreciate your continued support :)

I liked this. The chapters were the right length and packed with information. I liked chapter 1, the idyllic setting. Everythig is so good, it's almost too good to be true. The sunshine, the beach, the happy family...and then comes the darkness in chapter 2. Obviously something's gone wrong. Mal is dead and Nick is fearing things that go bump in the night. What's the ruby all about? Things take yet another twist in chapter 3. The Home Secretary. There is an argument that politician's can't be trusted. I'm guessing in his case it's true! The drop in about Nick last seeing him on a Tibetan mountainside - intriguing, and for some odd reason, this and the ruby and the hints of buddhist statues and the like are filling my head with Drake's Fortune type scenarios, which is no bad thing.

Nick is a likeable MC. He was perhaps a bit smug in the first chapter, but in chapter 2 we see him in a vulnerable position, the sympathy starts to ooze out for him. Your supporting characters are also well drawn. Todd, Nittaya - they add to the story but they don't outshine Nick. This is well written.

The only comments I have are there seemed to be a bit of overuse of commas in chapter 1, and in chapter 2, the use of 'in slow motion' didn't quite gel for me. Maybe just slowly would be better? But this is only my opinion and I'm hardly qualified to talk! The only other thing is the cover - it doesn't do this story justice...

On the whole, this is a good read. It's starred and it will make its way onto my shelf. The backlog is long, but this is one I'd want to have up for a while :)

Silva

Stark Silvercoin wrote 764 days ago

It’s funny, as I was reading The Avenging Buddha, I realized that I never read mysteries anymore. Not that this novel is strictly a mystery, but there is certainly a mystery at its core. I think the reason many turn away from the genre is that most mysteries are rather clumsily written. It’s either blatantly simple to put all the pieces together or intentionally impossible. Only truly master writers can do it correctly. A great mystery is 4.50 From Paddington by Agatha Christie. And although The Avenging Buddha is not strictly a mystery, it reminded me a lot of that tale. And it’s written well enough to be considered on the same level. Yes, really.

Author Steve Bailey masterfully sets a lighthearted, carefree mood of young people frolicking on a beach in Thailand in the first chapter, and then purposely moves us eighteen years into the future and half the world away. A lot of things have changed since then. Main character Nick Price has grown wealthy and even sort of famous. Yet there is something different about him. He’s not as happy as before, and he’s obviously haunted by his wife’s death. Something sinister is hinted at, but we are left to wonder how so much could have changed and why.

The story moves forward at a great pace. The focus is actually kept off the mystery for a while as we learn about the different characters, then brought back into center focus as an investigator begins to look into a series of murders that seem connected to Price in some way. Skilled readers who pay attention can probably start to put things together, and the journey from the dark to the book’s conclusion is a good one that will keep the pages turning. I have not had a chance to read Bailey’s other books posted here, but if they touch the storyline of The Avenging Buddha then they are likely also very good reads with strong plots.

I have little doubt that this series of books is destined to go places. The skill at which the tale of The Avenging Buddha is told is incredible. It rekindled my interest in the entire genre, and will garner a loyal legion of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

PCreturned wrote 768 days ago

Hi Steve,

I was wandering round the authonomy and spotted your book, so I popped over to comment. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Chapter 1: beautiful descriptions at the start. I can really picture the scene. I only wish I were there! I'm jealous now grrrrr. :(

I've a small suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to lead off with dialogue as it reads quicker and easier that way. eg instead of "The writer looked at his watch. "Not right now thanks..." " I'd write something like " "Not right now thanks." The writer looked at his watch...".

Reading on... This place really seems like paradise. I think it's clear from the sense of place and easy familiarity in your writing that you must have experienced the location/the life. You lucky sod grrrr. There are hints, though, that Nick has had a hard life in the past. Maybe this sojourn in paradise is but a short break in his unpleasant life. I wonder what secrets his past holds...

I like the dialogue between John and Nick. The easy banter between them shows they've been friends for ages without the need for any clumsy exposition. good stuff. Hmmm what's this big one they need to land, though? I'm intrigued.

Chapter 2: wow big jump in time. I wonder what's happened in the intervening years. Mal died? Oh that is a shock. It looks like the idyllic life has come to a tragic end.

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, on occasion, you overdescribe a little. eg in "... his stomach knotted in trepidation...." the reader can figure out why his stomach's knotted, so you don't need to tell them. I think just "...his stomach knotted.." would work fine. ;)

reading on... I wonder what he's so scared of. Hmmm a pouch. What's in it? A ruby. wow it must be worth a fortune. Ah this is the big 1, right enough. But how did he get it? I'm guessing there were dark doings afoot. For all the wealth he has gained, it looks like he's lost his happiness. Maybe the ruby really is cursed. Or maybe his life just took a downturn since he acquired it. For a moment, I thought Mal's ghost was really there. I could feel his shock. Phew, it's just his daugthter, though. I find myself wondering how his life and personality has changed so much. The intervening years must really have been terrible. Paradise has been well and truly lost. :(

Chapter 3: Hmmm looks like Nick's a property developer now. his daughter seems to have followed in his footsteps. Wow big bucks are involved too. This is impressive. Ah and Nick's become a sort of celebrity. He seems to hate the attention, though. I sympathise. I wonder if his dislike for the limelight's partly rooted in that ruby, though. Was that the source of his fortune? I bet he has many skeletons in his closet.

I've a tiny suggestion here on POV. I think, v occasionally, the POV strays. eg I think "He could feel his face reddening" is visual and implies an external POV. I think something like "he could feel his face/cheeks burning" could work better. Your writing gets us into Nick's head so well. I think rejigging little bits and pieces like this could make sure the reader stays there. ;)

reading on... Hmmm Nick seeems v unhappy the MP's there. I wonder if there's bad blood between them. Ah yes, they seem to have a history. They obviously go way back as the MP recognises the resemblance of Nit to her mother. Nick seems to really hate this MP and want revenge on him. I'm guessing the MP may be John, just with a different name. There are lots of dark secrets here, I think. Maybe death. Maybe betrayal. Fascinating and ominous.

I just saw how long this comment's getting. Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away by your story. I guess I better stop, though, before the comment grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great story here. The thing that reall stood out for me was the sense of place you managed to imbue your beginning with. I couls see, hear and even smell your paradise :). I also think you have a real gift when it comes to dialogue. I've rarely read dialogue on authonomy that feels so real and flows so well. Your characters really came alive through it. I also like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store. There are so many dark secrets here. I can't wait to see them pulled out into the light for us all to gawp at. ;)

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think it's a wonderful story, and I'm sure there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete


Alexander French wrote 769 days ago

I enjoyed your fourth chapter.

Just one suggestion:

Might this not make a good first chapter? You could fill in ther background later. By making this the first chapter, you "cut to the chase"

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 769 days ago

Good third chapter.

Why is there a capital letter on "Press"?

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 769 days ago

Your second chapter is very good.

Only a coupleof nitpicks:

You have some non-sentences e.g. "Cursed in the sense that tragedy had followed it."

I think yu should also avoid starting sentences with "And"

Finally do you have to have a character called "Nit"? It reminds me of the bug that people get in their hair.

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 769 days ago

Excellent opening chapter.

No negative comments to make.

Alexander French

Helen Rose wrote 774 days ago

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Frank Sabetan wrote 778 days ago

Dear Steve:
It is my pleasure to read your book. I really appreciate my friend--David recommend your book to me. I just start to read and I believe I will fall in love with your work. Good luck.

Roman N Marek wrote 781 days ago

I really liked the easy style of this and its mystery-laden story. By Ch.3 I was gripped and intrigued by whatever past events are causing the current carnage. It’s a good little page-turner and I found myself turning through the first 15 chapters before I realized; I would have happily read it all given more time (or a book version!).
A couple of minor typos in Ch.4: “less shots” should be “fewer shots”. “Tennis backhand serve”? Does any tennis player serve backhand? Maybe better to just say “tennis backhand” if the stroke is upward or “tennis backhand smash” if the slice is down.
I like this. It is good easy-reading, stuff. Good luck with it.

Scott S. wrote 781 days ago

My friend David keeps recommending me to read your book. Once I started to read your book, I got the reason why he did that. Thanks for your nice work.

Patrick Brockers wrote 784 days ago

Hi, Steve:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

Hero Xie wrote 786 days ago

I like you book very much! Thanks to my friends Gary Xie and David Welch' recommendation I got the chance to know you and your book! Keep going~ I will back up you~!

Gary Xie wrote 786 days ago

Normally I don't read this kind of book but my friend David Welch asked me to take a look. I'm really glad I did since I enjoyed reading the first two chapters and will try and read more later.

Sergeant Gummie Dragon wrote 812 days ago

Hi steve
I have just finished chapter four of The Avenging Buddha and am really happy to back it. i found it easy to read and the characters come across as believable and rounded. The story is moving along well and the only reason i've stopped reading at this point is i really need to get on with some housework :(.
Best wishes I'm sure this will go all the way.
Lindsey

Naomi Dathan wrote 813 days ago

The Avenging Buddha

My strategy is to comment on single chapter of a work. I nitpick for a living (book doctor) so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t suit you. I don’t ever mean to offend .

Chapter 10

Great writing – this book is pretty ready to go. I only really saw one issue with your pitch and two issues with the story:

In the pitch, your sentence “In a seedy Bangkok bar,” is pretty convoluted. In your pitch, you want your sentences short, sharp and absolutely clear.

You rely on adverbs a little too much -- civilly, enthusiastically which editors tend to regard as telling instead of showing. Phrases like “looking dejected” also tell. Work on using action and internal dialogue to give the visuals on your dialogue.

My other concern is that, in this chapter at least, you’ve got a lot of dialogue going on in white space. Work in incorporating time and place, using the 5 senses, into the dialogue. Just little short phrases – not descriptive paragraphs. Just put your characters on the ground, in a place, with noises and smells and sights around them.

I think I’ll see this book on the bookstore shelves one day. Terrific job!

Sergeant Gummie Dragon wrote 814 days ago

Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say thank you for backing 'Vortex' It's scary putting your work out there for people to read and a big thrill when some one thinks enough of it to back it. I will be uploading more chapters soon.
I have added your book to my watch list (as i'm a bit snowed under today) and will read it later. The pitch sounds really interesting.
Thanks again
Lindsey

RossClark1981 wrote 847 days ago

I enjoyed reading this. The setting in the opening was very neatly done. As a reader you get a sense of the place easily and naturally without it being overdone. And there was enough of a feeling for the family to make me genuinely sad about Mal at the start of chapter two. From there the plot begins to build in a way that gives you confidence that you're in the hands of a writer who knows what he's doing.

The only editorial suggestion I'd make is that I'd remove the 'Mal responded in broken English,' line in the opener as that's faily obvious from the dialogue.

All the best with this,

Ross

dloganw wrote 870 days ago

This is a great story. I've spent a bit of time in Bangkok myself and in England as well. I've finished the first 24 chapters and will finish the rest soon. Then I'll look at the other two books. I'm sure this will be published eventually and will be happy to give you more support as you get closer to the Editor's Desk. For now I've given you six stars and put you on my watch list. Once you are in the top 25 or so I'm sure I can get you on ten or twelve different shelves.
David

B A Morton wrote 877 days ago

Hi Steve, Great idea, starred and on my W/L on the basis of the super pitch. Busy reading on and so glad to see that it's complete. Best of luck with this.
Babs

Iberian Bird wrote 891 days ago

Clearly you're a very talented writer. The story flows beautifully and I love your style... it's easy to read and makes you want to read more. I'm stopping after a few chapters though as I'd rather wait for it in book form to enjoy it fully! And I'm confident that you'll get there!
Best of luck.
Backed, with pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Forever Fredless & Raven)

writingbear wrote 892 days ago

I backed your fine bookl today, if you could take a look at either of my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND and possible back them your help would be appreciated.
Thank you!

Karen Carr wrote 900 days ago


The Avenging Buddha
Steve Bailey
I love the premise of your story. Your MC, a brash man, maybe not too likeable until he turns his life around after his wife dies. You paint a very vivid picture of Thailand, your descriptions are vivid and succinct. From reading your profile, I can tell you drew on your experiences—I wonder how many of them—the perfect heist maybe? I love the scene between the husband and wife—it's very touching and sad, knowing what will happen. The only suggestion I could offer you, is to add some dialogue tags, I wasn't sure who was speaking sometimes, even add a few beats between the dialogue, so it's not too dialoguey. Anyway, thanks for taking me away for a while, I plan to come back for more. Also, if you ever want to get to the ed's desk, let me know and I'll hoist you up on my shelf.

Alice T wrote 906 days ago

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

Alice T wrote 906 days ago

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

RonParker wrote 909 days ago

Hi Steve,

I lioke the concept here though I've only had time to read the first two chapters. I found nothing to comment on in the second chapter but your first chapter needs work. Too many characers are introduced in too short a time and there are some pov issues. There are also a few speech tags which are not needed; for example you write 'she said in broken English'. This has alrady been shown in the dialogue so doesn't need to be said.

Ron

Ron

Cat091971 wrote 913 days ago

Well written and well paced. Yet another book on this site I would prefer to have in hardcopy, in order to read at my leisure. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Lies & Love"

Kaimaparamban wrote 924 days ago

From the very first reading of your novel, The Avenging Buddha, I feel it is a story regarding with Lord Buddha, is a most admiring soul all over the world. Although the Indian sub-continet as a fortune to give birth for that man who firstly professes the dignity and depth of non-violence. But, when I go through deeply into your briefing, I felt it is a story having criminal aspects. Nevertheless this brief description is so enthralling each reader even if he make a careless reading. If it is very interesting in the initial stage, what will be the nature of climax? I am waiting for it.

georgigirl wrote 924 days ago

I enjoyed your descriptive characters, their surroundings, and the construction of your story.
Backed with pleasure (well, as usual, I spoke too soon, the system won't let me back any by saying that I've backed too many from this computer already), will keep trying though,
Georgette....Castle of the Shimmering Sands

Wilma1 wrote 937 days ago

I have read four chapters and enjoyed them immensely. You have set a really good scene from the friendship and trust between Nick and Todd and the idyllic life with a beautiful wife and children. We jump on eighteen years and Mia is dead and Todd and Nick are successful property developers all is well until Rees appears on the scene. The hatred between the men is evident but the reason is not. We move on to find that Todd has been murdered with a Buddhist dagger. And what of the Ruby?
You have created some great foreshadowing and create very good visual descriptions. Your dialogue is authentic and drives the story forward nicely.
I have one nit in chapter 4- The man ceased his antics. ‘I’ve been framed. You bastards are going to pin this on me, aren’t you?
Ceased his antics sounds very Dixon of dock green very 1950’s It doesn’t fit in with the other language of the book. That said its only a small thing the rest was excellent and well worth backing and staring.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Colin Eston wrote 948 days ago

Dear Steve

I contacted you a while ago suggesting a swap read. So here I am, going first.

Chs 1,2,3 and 27. Good, natural dialogue in the idyllic prologue. Relationships easily established, though a bit puzzled that John, the writer, disappears (probably he surfaces in sections I haven't read). Ch 2 conjures up memories of Wilkie Collins - stories about cursed exotic jewels. Then another change of style for the start of political chicanery in Ch 3. All handled with confidence, though personally if find descriptions of lean,craggy features a bit cliched. Personally I wasn't convinced by Ch 27 - Ning's emotional reactions are all a bit sudden and extreme. The description of the murder lacks reality - a bit too X-box game. Callous without psychological depth.

Clearly has potential as a fast-paced, exotic thriller, but a bit too shallow and formulaic for my taste. Sorry I'm not putting it on my shelf. Nevertheless, I'd still welcome a swap read and your comments.

Yours
Colin Eston
Dying for Love

Palmer-Nelson wrote 953 days ago

What an engrossing plot and written really well. BACKED

corichaffee wrote 956 days ago

You have a very eloquent way of writing. Your paragrpahs flow easily, your dialogue is natural.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

Catherine Chapman wrote 958 days ago

Really like the way you set the scene at the start of this novel, Steve.

Best wishes,
Catherine

Katy Christie wrote 961 days ago

The scene is set and the characters are in place. I want to be there with them. I want to delve further into this book and escape over the horizon with the setting sun. This is (in my mind) what books are for and yours looks as though it's set to deliver. A very good beginning and lots of potential. Good Luck.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

maesecouogne wrote 961 days ago

Intruguing start... must read more later... and you'vebtwo others as well.. better crack on.
Many thanks for your backing and happy to return it with this book.

maesecouogne

jahek wrote 961 days ago

I'm loving this - I shall back it and then find time to read more :)

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

123