Book Jacket

 

rank 826
word count 12475
date submitted 18.07.2010
date updated 06.12.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Avenging Buddha

Steve Bailey

Nick Price's wife died in an ill-conceived heist. Years later, his old gang fall victim to a vengeful killer. Someone is back from the dead.

 


Nick Price lost his wife as he flew out of Tibet with treasures looted from the Dali Lama’s palace. Eighteen years later, burdened by guilt and bound by conspiracy, he watches dispassionately as a killer eliminates his old gang.

During a serial murder investigation, DCI Jack Magee finds an old photograph of Nick and his old friends celebrating in a Bangkok bar. Each murder victim is linked to the photograph, and the story behind the celebration becomes crucial. Yet Magee is thwarted by Nick’s unwillingness to confront his past.

Only when Nick is kidnapped, flown up to ten thousand feet in a horribly familiar old airplane and forced to re-enact the tragic events that led to his wife’s death, is he willing to consider there is only one possible solution to the killer’s identity. Not that it makes sense, since he witnessed the man die eighteen years ago.

 
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tags

adventure, crime, lewes, murder, mystery, revenge, tibet, treasure

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116 comments

 

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Chapters

6

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Chapter 5

DCI Magee sat in an interview room busying himself with the contents of a file that had been faxed from a police station in Arnos Grove during the night. He was not in a good mood. Being stuck in a dingy office with no window, on a bright sunny morning, was not his preferred choice of weekend activity. ‘This report is particularly damning,’ he murmured to DS Kelly. ‘It says Mansell was a bit of a tearaway when he was a young lad.’

DS Kelly took the report and began reading the front page in silence. After the first paragraph, she gave a response. ‘That doesn’t make him a murderer though does it, sir?’

‘No, it doesn’t. But it seems he met up with Nick Price at an early stage.’

DS Kelly looked up. ‘You think the two are involved somehow? I didn’t think SOCO had come up with anything yet?’

‘They haven’t. No yet anyway,. As far as I know.’ Magee sat back and shrugged. ‘And as our good Dr Jenkins said last night, the killer would probably have been covered in blood. Mansell wasn’t. However, he was there and may have had the opportunity to clean himself up afterwards.’

‘But you think Nick Price was involved, nevertheless?’

‘Anything’s possible, Melissa. The only thing we’ve got to go on at the moment is that Susan Conners knows Nick Price and he, in turn, knows Paul Mansell. All three were there last night, and we’ve no evidence to suggest anyone else was. So, maybe there’s something going on between the three of them.’

‘Like what?’

‘I really don’t know, Melissa. Not yet anyway. A few obvious motives spring to mind. Insurance, for instance. Then there’s love. That frequently leads to recriminations when broken hearts are involved. Hopefully, something may come to light when we start to dig into Todd Conners’ affairs.’

‘And in the meantime?’

‘In the meantime, Melissa, we’ll just have to bait Mansell, push him a bit. There’s certainly enough ammunition in this file to get him hot under the collar. With luck, he’ll snap under pressure.’

‘It says here he got let off with a warning for . . .’ DS Kelly put the file down as the door opened and Paul Mansell was led in, restrained by handcuffs.

Magee gestured towards the chair on the other side of the table. ‘Sit down, Mansell.’ He turned to the escorting officer and said, ‘Take the cuffs off him, please.’

‘Sure that’s wise, sir?’

‘Quite sure, thanks.’

Paul Mansell sat down and faced his two inquisitors with a look of trepidation in his eyes. ‘Are you going to charge me with murder, Chief Inspector?’

‘We'll come to that matter in a minute, Mansell. First, I thought we'd just have a quiet chat. You see, I have your file here, from Arnos Grove. I'm sure you know what's in it.’ Magee flicked briefly through the large pile of papers and gave Mansell a wry smile.

‘Christ, that’s ancient stuff. I was young then. A very different person to who I am now.’

Magee cast his eyes down to the dossier and read out, ‘Petty theft, vandalism, expulsion from school for violence, social service reports. Quite a hard case, weren't you? And still are, judging by last night’s little drama.

Paul Mansell bowed his head. ‘You’ve got me wrong, Chief Inspector. I'm not a “hard case”, as you put it. Not any more. Not that I ever was before. I was just a mixed up kid. The reports must say that, surely? That part of my life is all in the past. I've been clean for nearly nine years now.’

‘Nine years, eh? Let me guess,’ Magee paused for effect as his upper lip curled, ‘your conversion to the path of righteousness occurred as a result of meeting Nick Price?’

‘Yes. Yes it was actually. And there's nothing funny about it. I met Nick when I was sixteen years old. He straightened me out. That's the god's honest truth.’

‘Really? Forgive me, Mansell, but I find that hard to swallow.Magee gave Mansell a stern look. ‘You see, I know the real Nick Price. He was giving me trouble a long, long time ago.’

‘Nick is not a villain, he's a decent guy. Yeah, of course he had a hard time in his youth. So what, who hasn’t? But he’s not like that now, he’s a family man. It’s people like you who continue to blight his name. It’s out of order.’

Magee gave a snort of derision. You think so? I hope you won't be calling Price as a character witness, it won’t make you any friends around here.’

‘And why would I need a character witness? You haven’t charged me with anything yet.’

‘No, I haven’t, have I? So, let’s keep this conversation civil. Okay?’

‘Right.’

‘Good. Now then, to other matters. Last night, for instance. What were you doing outside that house in Tongdean Avenue? Be very precise about it, please.’

‘As I told one of your officers last night, I was working on a case. I do security consultancy and investigative work. I have a legitimate practice. I've been doing it for a couple of years now. And yes, before you ask, I do a fair amount of work for Nick. These last few days, however, I was working for a client named Cracknell. I was keeping his wife under surveillance, at the house next door.’

Magee sneered. ‘What for? What was your brief?’

‘I was supposed to be on the look out for strange young men. I guess Cracknell suspected his wife of having an affair. Maybe he wanted grounds for a divorce. That's not my concern. I just gather the evidence for the client.’

‘You were employed direct by this Mr Cracknell?’

‘Yes, I just said that.’

‘Did you ever meet him?’

No.’ Paul Mansell squirmed in his seat before adding, ‘He telephoned me and sent some cash in advance.’

The body language had not gone unnoticed by Magee. ‘How were you to contact him should anything arise?’

‘I wasn't to. He said he would phone back after a week. I didn't care. It was his money after all.’

‘So you were tailing Mrs Cracknell constantly during the last few days then?’

‘No. Specific times only. Two to five o'clock in the afternoon and seven to eleven in the evening.’

Magee reflected momentarily on the significance of the times. ‘Why was that?’

‘Haven't a fucking clue,’ Paul Mansell spluttered. ‘Sorry. Look, I don't know. That's the god honest truth. Cracknell was in charge. Guess he knew when she was at it.’

‘So you have no written confirmation of your client's wishes?’

‘No, none. As I said, it was all done by phone.’

‘This is all rubbish, Mansell. You know the Conners don’t you?’

‘Who are the Conners?’

The reply seemed to have been delivered in a genuinely innocent tone, but Magee was having none of it. He gave a weak smiled as he said, ‘Nice try, Mansell. Mr Conners, the man who was murdered last night.’

‘I don’t know a Mr Conners. Honest!’

‘Really?’

‘I swear I don’t!’

‘Nick Price seems to know the Conners. As, I believe, you do.’

Paul Mansell looked confused. ‘What?’

‘Oh, come on, Mansell. Todd and Susan Conners.’

A faint sign of recognition surfaced on Paul Mansell’s face.

‘Come on, Mansell,’ Magee persisted, ‘Don’t say you don’t know them. She called Nick Price last night to come over to her place, after her husband was found dead.’

‘Nick was there last night?’

‘As if you don’t know!’

‘Todd?’

‘Yes, Todd Conners.’ 

Paul Mansell looked sideways to the door, as if he was going to bolt.

‘Tell me, Mansell, were you and Nick Price in this together?’

‘Sorry?’

‘I reckon Todd Conners and Nick Price were in business together. Did Nick Price order a hit?’

‘A hit? I don’t understand?’

‘For goodness sake, Mansell! You said yourself you’re in the “security business”. We all know what that means.’

‘If it’s the Todd I’m thinking about, he’s an old mate of Nick’s. They go back a long way. Why the hell would Nick want to order a hit on a friend?’

‘I really don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.’

‘He wouldn’t have done it.’

‘Really? Convince me. Tell me what you were actually doing there last night.’

‘I've told you the truth already, Chief Inspector! Why the hell would I lie? If I was involved in a hit, as you put it, why would I sit around all evening waiting for you lot to turn up? I'd just piss off as soon as the job was done, wouldn’t I?’

‘I have no idea, Mansell. That's what I want to know myself. Maybe you're just some sick sod playing games with us. Arsonists tend to hang around their fires to see the effect. Maybe you're inclined the same way. He tapped the file in front of him meaningfully, and added, Maybe you wanted to draw attention to yourself, like you did when you were younger.’

‘Sorry to disappoint you, Chief Inspector,’ Paul Mansell hissed. ‘I enjoy my life now. I have no wish to draw police attention and I certainly have no desire to serve a life stretch. I was scared shitless last time I was in a cell. It made me think about what I was doing with my life. I vowed then to pack it in and be a good boy.’

‘Yes, talking about that, just how did you get off that last charge? That was pretty serious wasn't it? Caught in the act, according to these records.’

‘I was just lucky, I guess. Perhaps your colleagues heeded my plea for forgiveness. I don't know, I never really thought about it. At the time, I was just glad that particular nightmare was over with.’

‘That was when you first met Nick Price, you say?’

‘Yes. That's correct. Nick came to visit me whilst I was in the cells. I hadn't a clue who he was. I'd never seen him before. He just marched into the station with a lawyer and cleared the matter up.’

‘Just like that?’ Magee was incredulous. ‘How wonderful to have friends in high places. I notice that the owner of the store you trashed didn't press charges. That must have taken a fair bit of persuasion. Compensation? Or threats perhaps?’

‘I have no idea,’ Paul Mansell replied with an uncaring shrug.

‘And you just received a caution! Deary me! That must have cost Price a lot of money. Come on now, Mansell, there's more to this than you're letting on. Price must have paid a fortune in bribes, or sold his soul to the devil, to get you off with a caution. Why did he do it? I don't believe you were a stranger to him. Nick Price is no knight in shining armour, he doesn’t go around helping strangers in trouble. It couldn't possibly have been the first time he'd met you.’

‘Chief Inspector, I swear I'm not lying! I don't know anything about Nick bribing people to get me off that charge and I don't know how, or why, he did it. All I do know is that I've been very grateful to Nick ever since. He's a good friend; he treats me like his kid-brother. He lets me get away with murder . . .’

‘Really?’ Magee raised an eyebrow in DS Kelly’s direction.

Paul Mansell gave a sigh of despair. ‘It's just a saying, for god’s sake. Look, Nick just lets me do things other employees wouldn't be allowed to get away with. He treats me like close family. I meant nothing more by it. Okay?’

‘Okay. Have it your way. So, you're grateful to Nick Price, you owe him one maybe. Do anything for him, would you?  Do his dirty work for him perhaps? Like taking care of Todd Conners?’

‘Nick doesn't murder his business associates. Nor his enemies either. He’s not like that.’

‘If I find out about a business deal between Nick Price and Todd Conners that went wrong, you're in trouble. You know that don't you, Mansell?’

‘Okay. Fine, anything you say. But I stand by what I said.’

‘Fine!’ Magee closed the dossier with a finality and pushed it aside. ‘So then, back to last night. What time did you arrive in Tongdean Avenue?’

‘Seven o'clock exactly. As instructed.’

‘And you sat watching the Cracknell’s house from your car until the police arrived?’

‘Yes. I'm glad the message has finally got through to you.’ Paul Mansell relaxed into a slouching position for a moment whilst Magee sat in silence. Suddenly he jerked forward and his eyes screwed up into a frown. He then threw his head back and laughed.

‘What’s the matter, Mansell?’

‘The murder was committed between eight and eight twenty, am I right?’

‘You tell me, Mansell. You were there, not me.’

‘My instructions. My non-written, non-provable instructions, as you'll no doubt remind me, were to leave my car at precisely eight o'clock and walk south down Tongdean Avenue and into the cul-de-sac that runs along the back of Cracknell’s rear garden. From there, I was to observe the bedroom. There's a clear view from that cul-de-sac, though I had my binoculars with me. And I was to return at precisely eight twenty.’

‘Add Peeping Tom to murder shall we?’ interjected DS Kelly with a chuckle. Both men glared at her.

‘Thank you, Melissa,’ Magee said through gritted teeth before returning his gaze to Paul Mansell. ‘Did you observe Mrs Cracknell? Throughout the time you were snooping around the back, that is?’

‘Yes I did. The curtains were open, despite it getting dark. God knows why. She was wandering around, getting her kids ready for bed, brushing her daughter’s hair, that sort of thing. I could make out a television glaring in the corner of one of the rooms. She was there the whole time until I left at eight twenty. I remember thinking it a waste of time as I wandered back to my car.’

Magee felt stumped. If Mansell was indeed telling the truth, then it was likely he’d just established an alibi. He met Mansell's stare, nodded his head and said, ‘Melissa, get your pen ready, please. Now Mansell, I want you to describe every one of Mrs Cracknell’s movements during those twenty minutes. You don't need me to tell that you your freedom may depend on this, do you?’

‘No, you don't. Okay, here goes.’ Paul Mansell closed his eyes and reeled off detail after detail, much of it seemingly petty and insignificant.

DS Kelly wrote rapidly, while Magee sat in silent contemplation and studied Mansell's face. He had watched guilty men lie smoothly before, even those that had given long detailed accounts of events that had never occurred. Here though, he knew that he was watching an innocent man fighting for his life. Yet something still troubled him. Something just didn't fit. Mansell was in it up to his neck; his gut instinct told him that, beyond question.

‘Coffee anyone?’ Magee asked as he rose to leave the room. He needed some fresh air.

‘Yes please, sir,’ DS Kelly replied, still writing.

Paul Mansell nodded his appreciation.

Magee left the room, feeling dejected. Five minutes later he re-entered the interview room with three cups of coffee and an assortment of sachets of sugar and dried cream.

‘Thank you,’ Paul Mansell said politely. ‘I think that’s it. I can't recall anything else.’

Damn those eyes, Magee thought. There was no guilt in them, not even a hint of nervousness. He sighed at the loss of another potential lead.

‘Okay, Melissa. Let’s wind this up.’ Magee stood to leave the room, turned to catch Paul Mansell’s eyes and said, ‘This had better check out, or I promise we’ll be meeting again.’

 

Chapters

6

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Spilota wrote 72 days ago

Steve, I've read what you've posted of this and enjoyed it. I'd definitely take it home from the library. I'm also messaging you with a couple more observations.

KathrynW wrote 76 days ago

Dear Steve

I've read all the chapters of The Avenging Buddha that you have posted on authonomy. I also had a look at your website, which looks as though you have finished the novel. I enjoyed it very much: great plotting, dialogue and characterisation. Short, snappy paragraphs which push the action forward and keeps the reader hooked. The only thing I disliked was the sexualisation of breast feeding in chapter 1, which may be a male fantasy but might put off your female readers.

Overall this is a really professional piece of writing, and your front covers are terrific too. It felt as though I had picked up a thriller from a bookshop rather than a work in progress which is a characteristic of much the material on authonomy. I'm backing you and hope that you get spotted by an agent or a publisher even if you don't get to the top 5 here (not that that seems to mean much as nothing seems to get published by Harper Collins in any case). High stars!

Kathryn

Abby Vandiver wrote 218 days ago

You write very well and I like the character development in Chapter One. Your characters are likeable and so I worry about their fate as mentioned in your pitche. The flow is easy and engaging.

Good job.

Abby

ubulord wrote 246 days ago

I've never read a "mystery / crime" book, but this one sounds good to me. I think it's quite well written. It surely is a lot more than simply "competent" but I can't judge how good it is without it being complete. Without being complete also, I don't think I should rate it. In my opinion, one can't rate a story that's only halfway. It can turn into a masterpiece or a complete pice of ..., who knows. For some reason that I can't explain, chapter 5 sounded better than the previous ones.

Lara wrote 484 days ago

It's an exciting and complicated chase of a killer. I predict a fairly wide appeal.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Diwrite wrote 486 days ago

Good stuff.
The writing is comfortable with an easy flow and believable dialogue.
I got a little confused about who was who in the first chapter, but that could just be me being a bit of a div.
Personally, I think your first sentence could be a bit snappier - it felt a little too long. But, I'm a stickler for great first lines and have re-written mine countless times.

I've backed and starred you.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

RobRow wrote 537 days ago

Steve:

I'm drawn right into this on the strength of your excellent writing. Good work!

Rob

AMW wrote 564 days ago

Steve,

I read through chap 3 then encountered download difficulties... will have to come back for more later. But my initial thought is that you don't need the first chap. Although it orients me to information in chap 2 and 3, I think I, as a reader, am okay if bits of background about Mal, the bar, etc are provided as I go along. They serve as story hooks to keep me reading to find out more.

If you are going to keep chap 1, something to consider is that you've started the scene in the anonymous point of view of "the writer". That feels distancing to me. It wasn't until Nick, Todd and Mal began interacting that I was pulled into the story.

Your writing is polished and engaging, and your story intriguing and I look forward to reading more.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Jesse Powell wrote 639 days ago

Okay, I love how Magee is always shouting Bollocks! This is tight. The rapid-fire back and forth, conversations are interrogations. Mystery, insanity, the shadowy murderer. God, your good. Can I spoil the end? M's brother? I like the idea that Nick was the ( ) one! The final scene, dude it was just creepy. I did feel a little jilted that the guy was "killed too easily". I bet, mentioning plumpness, there could be a parachute and a sequel? Might mention Rees wearing a bullet-proof vest because he is shot a lot.

6 stars from me!

J.Kinkade wrote 654 days ago

Great pitch!~ Watchlisted for now. Looks to be an interesting read...JKinkade

Joshua Jacobs wrote 670 days ago

First impression: Wow! That first paragraph is a beauty. You establish the fact you're an outstanding writer, you create a distinct voice that I could easily see myself reading for several hundred pages, and you've set the scene perfectly.

Your writing style is addicting. It's fast-paced and polished. You avoid unnecessary info, words, adverbs, dialogue tags, etc. It's a true pleasure to read your writing.

The exchange between Nick and his wife was excellent. Your dialogue is to-the-point, realistic, and filled with characterization. Whether intentionally or not, you've created a connection between your characters and your reader through this dialogue. The exchange between friends is realistic, too, and contains a subtle humor that works well.

Not only is this polished, but it's well-edited. At the completion of chapter one (and chapter two!!), I didn't come across a single mistake. I can't tell you how nice it was to sit back and enjoy this one. I could easily see myself taking this to the beach and reading it from cover to cover. I had only intended to read the first chapter, but you hooked me and I couldn't stop. Oops.

After reading chapter two, I'm impressed with how effective your first chapter was. I had a serious "aww" moment when I read "It was almost as if he could feel her presence." Way to play with my emotions. You also end the second chapter effectively. You raise a couple of big questions that will keep your reader hooked. Dang you! I have stuff to do today!

Suggestions: I became slightly confused with "She knelt to tend to her baby." Who is the she? There are a bunch of characters quickly introduced and you throw around pronouns assuming the reader knows who you're talking about. In most cases, I followed fine. In this one, I was confused. Also, the "family" situation is a bit confusing. You might be clearer in your introduction of them.

Other than that, my only real suggestions have nothing to do with your writing or story. First, you need a cover. The generic cover doesn't do this justice. Contact Bradley Wind. He's a genius and he'll make you one for free. Second, and this will be much more difficult if you've grown attached to it, but I think you should reconsider the title. While I'm sure it has significance, it really didn't grab my attention like it should have. This book is too good not to be noticed.

What can I say other than this is what six-star novels are all about? When the race to the editor's desk is all said and done, I know exactly what book I'm coming back to. This one. Please tell me when this is published. I'd love to buy a copy.

CarolinaAl wrote 672 days ago

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. An interesting, engaging main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Hey Jook, coming in for a swim?' Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
2) 'A hard life had aged him beyond his years.' 'Aged him beyond his years' is cliche. Consider a more unique way to make this point.
3) 'Not with his background' ratcheted up the intrigue nicely.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) 'Eighteen years later, 12.15 am Saturday 27th April 1991.' '12.15 am' should be '12.15 a.m.'
2) 'And tonight it felt cold to the touch.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the coldness so vividly the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into the scene. There is another case of 'felt' in this chapter.
3) 'He could feel his heart pounding like a drum.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe the pounding so realistically the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be more engaged in the scene. Also, 'pounding like a drum' is cliche. Consider using a more original similie.
4) 'It was as though someone was walking over his grave' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind the next time you reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a wonderful day.

Al

Tonia Marlowe wrote 708 days ago

Oh, I wish I had more time right now so I could keep reading. Chapter One was delightful, with such realistic depictions I could almost be there - it reminded me of Coolangatta (Qld) back in the day. Not now, though.

And the shock of the transition to Chapter 2. I am almost seduced into staying - wish I could.
Thank you for this, Steve. I'll be back.

Tonia
Blue Diamonds

silvachilla wrote 736 days ago

Hi Steve

First of all, massive apologies for coming round to you so late, I really appreciate your continued support :)

I liked this. The chapters were the right length and packed with information. I liked chapter 1, the idyllic setting. Everythig is so good, it's almost too good to be true. The sunshine, the beach, the happy family...and then comes the darkness in chapter 2. Obviously something's gone wrong. Mal is dead and Nick is fearing things that go bump in the night. What's the ruby all about? Things take yet another twist in chapter 3. The Home Secretary. There is an argument that politician's can't be trusted. I'm guessing in his case it's true! The drop in about Nick last seeing him on a Tibetan mountainside - intriguing, and for some odd reason, this and the ruby and the hints of buddhist statues and the like are filling my head with Drake's Fortune type scenarios, which is no bad thing.

Nick is a likeable MC. He was perhaps a bit smug in the first chapter, but in chapter 2 we see him in a vulnerable position, the sympathy starts to ooze out for him. Your supporting characters are also well drawn. Todd, Nittaya - they add to the story but they don't outshine Nick. This is well written.

The only comments I have are there seemed to be a bit of overuse of commas in chapter 1, and in chapter 2, the use of 'in slow motion' didn't quite gel for me. Maybe just slowly would be better? But this is only my opinion and I'm hardly qualified to talk! The only other thing is the cover - it doesn't do this story justice...

On the whole, this is a good read. It's starred and it will make its way onto my shelf. The backlog is long, but this is one I'd want to have up for a while :)

Silva

Stark Silvercoin wrote 760 days ago

It’s funny, as I was reading The Avenging Buddha, I realized that I never read mysteries anymore. Not that this novel is strictly a mystery, but there is certainly a mystery at its core. I think the reason many turn away from the genre is that most mysteries are rather clumsily written. It’s either blatantly simple to put all the pieces together or intentionally impossible. Only truly master writers can do it correctly. A great mystery is 4.50 From Paddington by Agatha Christie. And although The Avenging Buddha is not strictly a mystery, it reminded me a lot of that tale. And it’s written well enough to be considered on the same level. Yes, really.

Author Steve Bailey masterfully sets a lighthearted, carefree mood of young people frolicking on a beach in Thailand in the first chapter, and then purposely moves us eighteen years into the future and half the world away. A lot of things have changed since then. Main character Nick Price has grown wealthy and even sort of famous. Yet there is something different about him. He’s not as happy as before, and he’s obviously haunted by his wife’s death. Something sinister is hinted at, but we are left to wonder how so much could have changed and why.

The story moves forward at a great pace. The focus is actually kept off the mystery for a while as we learn about the different characters, then brought back into center focus as an investigator begins to look into a series of murders that seem connected to Price in some way. Skilled readers who pay attention can probably start to put things together, and the journey from the dark to the book’s conclusion is a good one that will keep the pages turning. I have not had a chance to read Bailey’s other books posted here, but if they touch the storyline of The Avenging Buddha then they are likely also very good reads with strong plots.

I have little doubt that this series of books is destined to go places. The skill at which the tale of The Avenging Buddha is told is incredible. It rekindled my interest in the entire genre, and will garner a loyal legion of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

PCreturned wrote 764 days ago

Hi Steve,

I was wandering round the authonomy and spotted your book, so I popped over to comment. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Chapter 1: beautiful descriptions at the start. I can really picture the scene. I only wish I were there! I'm jealous now grrrrr. :(

I've a small suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to lead off with dialogue as it reads quicker and easier that way. eg instead of "The writer looked at his watch. "Not right now thanks..." " I'd write something like " "Not right now thanks." The writer looked at his watch...".

Reading on... This place really seems like paradise. I think it's clear from the sense of place and easy familiarity in your writing that you must have experienced the location/the life. You lucky sod grrrr. There are hints, though, that Nick has had a hard life in the past. Maybe this sojourn in paradise is but a short break in his unpleasant life. I wonder what secrets his past holds...

I like the dialogue between John and Nick. The easy banter between them shows they've been friends for ages without the need for any clumsy exposition. good stuff. Hmmm what's this big one they need to land, though? I'm intrigued.

Chapter 2: wow big jump in time. I wonder what's happened in the intervening years. Mal died? Oh that is a shock. It looks like the idyllic life has come to a tragic end.

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, on occasion, you overdescribe a little. eg in "... his stomach knotted in trepidation...." the reader can figure out why his stomach's knotted, so you don't need to tell them. I think just "...his stomach knotted.." would work fine. ;)

reading on... I wonder what he's so scared of. Hmmm a pouch. What's in it? A ruby. wow it must be worth a fortune. Ah this is the big 1, right enough. But how did he get it? I'm guessing there were dark doings afoot. For all the wealth he has gained, it looks like he's lost his happiness. Maybe the ruby really is cursed. Or maybe his life just took a downturn since he acquired it. For a moment, I thought Mal's ghost was really there. I could feel his shock. Phew, it's just his daugthter, though. I find myself wondering how his life and personality has changed so much. The intervening years must really have been terrible. Paradise has been well and truly lost. :(

Chapter 3: Hmmm looks like Nick's a property developer now. his daughter seems to have followed in his footsteps. Wow big bucks are involved too. This is impressive. Ah and Nick's become a sort of celebrity. He seems to hate the attention, though. I sympathise. I wonder if his dislike for the limelight's partly rooted in that ruby, though. Was that the source of his fortune? I bet he has many skeletons in his closet.

I've a tiny suggestion here on POV. I think, v occasionally, the POV strays. eg I think "He could feel his face reddening" is visual and implies an external POV. I think something like "he could feel his face/cheeks burning" could work better. Your writing gets us into Nick's head so well. I think rejigging little bits and pieces like this could make sure the reader stays there. ;)

reading on... Hmmm Nick seeems v unhappy the MP's there. I wonder if there's bad blood between them. Ah yes, they seem to have a history. They obviously go way back as the MP recognises the resemblance of Nit to her mother. Nick seems to really hate this MP and want revenge on him. I'm guessing the MP may be John, just with a different name. There are lots of dark secrets here, I think. Maybe death. Maybe betrayal. Fascinating and ominous.

I just saw how long this comment's getting. Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away by your story. I guess I better stop, though, before the comment grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great story here. The thing that reall stood out for me was the sense of place you managed to imbue your beginning with. I couls see, hear and even smell your paradise :). I also think you have a real gift when it comes to dialogue. I've rarely read dialogue on authonomy that feels so real and flows so well. Your characters really came alive through it. I also like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store. There are so many dark secrets here. I can't wait to see them pulled out into the light for us all to gawp at. ;)

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think it's a wonderful story, and I'm sure there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete


Alexander French wrote 766 days ago

I enjoyed your fourth chapter.

Just one suggestion:

Might this not make a good first chapter? You could fill in ther background later. By making this the first chapter, you "cut to the chase"

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 766 days ago

Good third chapter.

Why is there a capital letter on "Press"?

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 766 days ago

Your second chapter is very good.

Only a coupleof nitpicks:

You have some non-sentences e.g. "Cursed in the sense that tragedy had followed it."

I think yu should also avoid starting sentences with "And"

Finally do you have to have a character called "Nit"? It reminds me of the bug that people get in their hair.

Alexander French

Alexander French wrote 766 days ago

Excellent opening chapter.

No negative comments to make.

Alexander French

Helen Rose wrote 771 days ago

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Frank Sabetan wrote 775 days ago

Dear Steve:
It is my pleasure to read your book. I really appreciate my friend--David recommend your book to me. I just start to read and I believe I will fall in love with your work. Good luck.

Roman N Marek wrote 777 days ago

I really liked the easy style of this and its mystery-laden story. By Ch.3 I was gripped and intrigued by whatever past events are causing the current carnage. It’s a good little page-turner and I found myself turning through the first 15 chapters before I realized; I would have happily read it all given more time (or a book version!).
A couple of minor typos in Ch.4: “less shots” should be “fewer shots”. “Tennis backhand serve”? Does any tennis player serve backhand? Maybe better to just say “tennis backhand” if the stroke is upward or “tennis backhand smash” if the slice is down.
I like this. It is good easy-reading, stuff. Good luck with it.

Scott S. wrote 778 days ago

My friend David keeps recommending me to read your book. Once I started to read your book, I got the reason why he did that. Thanks for your nice work.

Patrick Brockers wrote 780 days ago

Hi, Steve:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

Hero Xie wrote 783 days ago

I like you book very much! Thanks to my friends Gary Xie and David Welch' recommendation I got the chance to know you and your book! Keep going~ I will back up you~!

Gary Xie wrote 783 days ago

Normally I don't read this kind of book but my friend David Welch asked me to take a look. I'm really glad I did since I enjoyed reading the first two chapters and will try and read more later.

Sergeant Gummie Dragon wrote 809 days ago

Hi steve
I have just finished chapter four of The Avenging Buddha and am really happy to back it. i found it easy to read and the characters come across as believable and rounded. The story is moving along well and the only reason i've stopped reading at this point is i really need to get on with some housework :(.
Best wishes I'm sure this will go all the way.
Lindsey

Naomi Dathan wrote 810 days ago

The Avenging Buddha

My strategy is to comment on single chapter of a work. I nitpick for a living (book doctor) so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t suit you. I don’t ever mean to offend .

Chapter 10

Great writing – this book is pretty ready to go. I only really saw one issue with your pitch and two issues with the story:

In the pitch, your sentence “In a seedy Bangkok bar,” is pretty convoluted. In your pitch, you want your sentences short, sharp and absolutely clear.

You rely on adverbs a little too much -- civilly, enthusiastically which editors tend to regard as telling instead of showing. Phrases like “looking dejected” also tell. Work on using action and internal dialogue to give the visuals on your dialogue.

My other concern is that, in this chapter at least, you’ve got a lot of dialogue going on in white space. Work in incorporating time and place, using the 5 senses, into the dialogue. Just little short phrases – not descriptive paragraphs. Just put your characters on the ground, in a place, with noises and smells and sights around them.

I think I’ll see this book on the bookstore shelves one day. Terrific job!

Sergeant Gummie Dragon wrote 810 days ago

Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say thank you for backing 'Vortex' It's scary putting your work out there for people to read and a big thrill when some one thinks enough of it to back it. I will be uploading more chapters soon.
I have added your book to my watch list (as i'm a bit snowed under today) and will read it later. The pitch sounds really interesting.
Thanks again
Lindsey

RossClark1981 wrote 843 days ago

I enjoyed reading this. The setting in the opening was very neatly done. As a reader you get a sense of the place easily and naturally without it being overdone. And there was enough of a feeling for the family to make me genuinely sad about Mal at the start of chapter two. From there the plot begins to build in a way that gives you confidence that you're in the hands of a writer who knows what he's doing.

The only editorial suggestion I'd make is that I'd remove the 'Mal responded in broken English,' line in the opener as that's faily obvious from the dialogue.

All the best with this,

Ross

dloganw wrote 866 days ago

This is a great story. I've spent a bit of time in Bangkok myself and in England as well. I've finished the first 24 chapters and will finish the rest soon. Then I'll look at the other two books. I'm sure this will be published eventually and will be happy to give you more support as you get closer to the Editor's Desk. For now I've given you six stars and put you on my watch list. Once you are in the top 25 or so I'm sure I can get you on ten or twelve different shelves.
David

B A Morton wrote 873 days ago

Hi Steve, Great idea, starred and on my W/L on the basis of the super pitch. Busy reading on and so glad to see that it's complete. Best of luck with this.
Babs

Iberian Bird wrote 887 days ago

Clearly you're a very talented writer. The story flows beautifully and I love your style... it's easy to read and makes you want to read more. I'm stopping after a few chapters though as I'd rather wait for it in book form to enjoy it fully! And I'm confident that you'll get there!
Best of luck.
Backed, with pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Forever Fredless & Raven)

writingbear wrote 888 days ago

I backed your fine bookl today, if you could take a look at either of my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND and possible back them your help would be appreciated.
Thank you!

Karen Carr wrote 896 days ago


The Avenging Buddha
Steve Bailey
I love the premise of your story. Your MC, a brash man, maybe not too likeable until he turns his life around after his wife dies. You paint a very vivid picture of Thailand, your descriptions are vivid and succinct. From reading your profile, I can tell you drew on your experiences—I wonder how many of them—the perfect heist maybe? I love the scene between the husband and wife—it's very touching and sad, knowing what will happen. The only suggestion I could offer you, is to add some dialogue tags, I wasn't sure who was speaking sometimes, even add a few beats between the dialogue, so it's not too dialoguey. Anyway, thanks for taking me away for a while, I plan to come back for more. Also, if you ever want to get to the ed's desk, let me know and I'll hoist you up on my shelf.

Alice T wrote 902 days ago

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

Alice T wrote 902 days ago

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

RonParker wrote 905 days ago

Hi Steve,

I lioke the concept here though I've only had time to read the first two chapters. I found nothing to comment on in the second chapter but your first chapter needs work. Too many characers are introduced in too short a time and there are some pov issues. There are also a few speech tags which are not needed; for example you write 'she said in broken English'. This has alrady been shown in the dialogue so doesn't need to be said.

Ron

Ron

Cat091971 wrote 909 days ago

Well written and well paced. Yet another book on this site I would prefer to have in hardcopy, in order to read at my leisure. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Lies & Love"

Kaimaparamban wrote 920 days ago

From the very first reading of your novel, The Avenging Buddha, I feel it is a story regarding with Lord Buddha, is a most admiring soul all over the world. Although the Indian sub-continet as a fortune to give birth for that man who firstly professes the dignity and depth of non-violence. But, when I go through deeply into your briefing, I felt it is a story having criminal aspects. Nevertheless this brief description is so enthralling each reader even if he make a careless reading. If it is very interesting in the initial stage, what will be the nature of climax? I am waiting for it.

georgigirl wrote 920 days ago

I enjoyed your descriptive characters, their surroundings, and the construction of your story.
Backed with pleasure (well, as usual, I spoke too soon, the system won't let me back any by saying that I've backed too many from this computer already), will keep trying though,
Georgette....Castle of the Shimmering Sands

Wilma1 wrote 933 days ago

I have read four chapters and enjoyed them immensely. You have set a really good scene from the friendship and trust between Nick and Todd and the idyllic life with a beautiful wife and children. We jump on eighteen years and Mia is dead and Todd and Nick are successful property developers all is well until Rees appears on the scene. The hatred between the men is evident but the reason is not. We move on to find that Todd has been murdered with a Buddhist dagger. And what of the Ruby?
You have created some great foreshadowing and create very good visual descriptions. Your dialogue is authentic and drives the story forward nicely.
I have one nit in chapter 4- The man ceased his antics. ‘I’ve been framed. You bastards are going to pin this on me, aren’t you?
Ceased his antics sounds very Dixon of dock green very 1950’s It doesn’t fit in with the other language of the book. That said its only a small thing the rest was excellent and well worth backing and staring.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Colin Eston wrote 945 days ago

Dear Steve

I contacted you a while ago suggesting a swap read. So here I am, going first.

Chs 1,2,3 and 27. Good, natural dialogue in the idyllic prologue. Relationships easily established, though a bit puzzled that John, the writer, disappears (probably he surfaces in sections I haven't read). Ch 2 conjures up memories of Wilkie Collins - stories about cursed exotic jewels. Then another change of style for the start of political chicanery in Ch 3. All handled with confidence, though personally if find descriptions of lean,craggy features a bit cliched. Personally I wasn't convinced by Ch 27 - Ning's emotional reactions are all a bit sudden and extreme. The description of the murder lacks reality - a bit too X-box game. Callous without psychological depth.

Clearly has potential as a fast-paced, exotic thriller, but a bit too shallow and formulaic for my taste. Sorry I'm not putting it on my shelf. Nevertheless, I'd still welcome a swap read and your comments.

Yours
Colin Eston
Dying for Love

Palmer-Nelson wrote 949 days ago

What an engrossing plot and written really well. BACKED

corichaffee wrote 953 days ago

You have a very eloquent way of writing. Your paragrpahs flow easily, your dialogue is natural.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

Catherine Chapman wrote 954 days ago

Really like the way you set the scene at the start of this novel, Steve.

Best wishes,
Catherine

Katy Christie wrote 957 days ago

The scene is set and the characters are in place. I want to be there with them. I want to delve further into this book and escape over the horizon with the setting sun. This is (in my mind) what books are for and yours looks as though it's set to deliver. A very good beginning and lots of potential. Good Luck.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

maesecouogne wrote 958 days ago

Intruguing start... must read more later... and you'vebtwo others as well.. better crack on.
Many thanks for your backing and happy to return it with this book.

maesecouogne

jahek wrote 958 days ago

I'm loving this - I shall back it and then find time to read more :)

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

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