Book Jacket

 

rank 1054
word count 52864
date submitted 27.07.2010
date updated 21.07.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Comedy
classification: moderate
complete

Dark Aurora

Leo Sebastian Kihlman

Seasoned with macabre sense of humour and populated by a zombie horde of fantasy creatures, this hectic trip will definitely keep your brains on overload.

 

The Dark Aurora is spreading all over the lands. As the rippling curtain of darkness engulfs the skies above, the undead halflings, gnomes and other folk are rising from their graves and searching for brains to munch on.

It is up to a small elite strike team to journey to the gates of the Underworld and destroy the source of evil once and for all. It will take the combined strength of a powerful FinngÄrd wizard, an immortal dwarven warrior and a truly unstable Blood Elf to vanquish the Necromancer Lord and his zombie army.

With grim sense of humour, unique characters and action sequences to match the best hollywood explosion fest, Dark Aurora is popcorn fiction at it's best.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

adventure, comedy, dragons, dwarf, elf, fantasy, halfling, high fantasy, mage, necromancer, undead, vampire, wizard, zombies

on 15 watchlists

58 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

6

report abuse

Chapter Five

 

Grimnir walked on the wooden pier of the Aisling harbour. The city was quiet and without any life. Even the birds were gone from the skies.    

“Eerie,” Said Grimnir as he walked with Eldric and Lani in the harbour, scouting the environment. The sun had gone down behind the horizon and the sky was black, but still the Dark Aurora was clearly upon the whole city, running through the sky with its serpent limbs sucking the light out of the stars above and when it rippled before the two rising moons, it looked like it was devouring them.  The air was still, just as you would expect it to be before the storm. They all could feel it, something was coming their way and although they knew of the undead scourge, they had no idea what to expect.

    “We need to get going, out of the city and head south,” Eldric said and waved to Captain Drengen to come to them. The men were hard at work scavenging the nearby buildings for whatever they could find. Captain Drengen came running to them.

    “Sir?” he said.

    “You need to leave, now.” Eldric said.

    “But sir, there’s no one here. We still have time.”

    “No we don’t. I can feel the oncoming scourge of the undead souls and when that wave hits us, it will be too late for anything.”

    Captain Drengen looked at Lani for confirmation. Although she hadn’t fed from him for days after Eldric had ordered her to stop, he still felt like she was his mistress.

    “He’s right. You should go,” Lani said and blew a kiss towards him, then started walking towards the city centre, looking around into the houses. Captain Drengen was silently watching her go.

    “Captain!” Eldric snapped him out of his dream.

    “Yes. Alright, sir. But what about you then?”

    “We will head south.”

    “But the scourge?”

    “We can handle it,” said Grimnir, “Few hundred mindless gnomes, how hard can it be.”

    “Hundred? More like thousands,” Eldric said.

    “Even better! Grimnir smirked.

    “Now, Captain, get your men and head back to Finngård.

    “Yes sir. And good luck to your journey.”

    “And to yours,” Eldric said and shook the hand of Captain Drengen. The Captain shook the hand of Grimnir and walked back towards the ship and signalled his men to join him.

    “Alright, I’m ready to go!Grimnir said and checked his weaponry; a black rifle on his back, dark iron bullets, his trusty morning star, and couple of knives; and a big barrel of ale. Eldric looked at the barrel.

    “Are you really planning of hauling that with you?”

    “Yes. I need my ale.”

    “And food?”

    “It’s all right here.” Grimnir said and tapped the barrel. “All the energy I need is right here.”

    “Fine. It’s all yours.”

    “By the way, where’s your food?”

    “I’m not that hungry. I’ll conjure something if I need it,” Eldric said and started walking after Lani. Grimnir looked at his barrel, half the size as he was, picked it up with both his hands, walked couple of steps and laid it down.

    “Crap,Grimnir said and leaned on the barrel. He stood there for a while, thinking it through and finally opened the lid, grabbed his trusty ceramic jug from his belt and looked at the sweet ale inside, “Well, I’ll have to drink it here then.”

   

***

 

    Tom moved towards the big ship in the harbour. He had not seen a ship like that in his life, it had unfamiliar markings and was clearly some form of military vessel. As he got closer, he saw the figures to be humans, scavenging the nearby buildings for supplies. There was a group of four persons, clearly some kind of leaders talking to each other. Then two of them left towards the city, one towards the ship and last one, what looked like a dwarf seemed to stay behind, drinking manically from a barrel. The ship was the only one that was left on the silent harbour and it was Toms only hope of survival. He needed to get on that boat, but he feared that if he just walked up to them and asked, they would either deny access or worse, kill him. He would have to find a way in. The men in the buildings were rushing out of them and heading back towards the ship carrying the scavenged supplies. Tom was running out of time.

He got quite close to the dwarf drinking from a barrel and had a thought of just making a run for the ship in the cover of darkness, but then he heard the noise. It came from the hills. First it sounded like a storm wind, but it soon turned into a frantic howl and a Tom recognized the scream of thousands of undead gnomes, goblins and halflings. The sound came not from a single point, it came from everywhere. The big dwarf next to the barrel stopped his drinking and listened as closely as Tom did. And then the sound came from Toms backpack as his son joined the howl.  The dwarf listened for the sounds as Tom quickly opened his bag and grabbed the mouth of his son in his hands, silencing the howl. The teeth of his son, or more likely jagged edges of his jaws bit hard on his flesh. The pain was immense but Tom kept quiet, in the shadows, next to the wall of a small hut. The dwarf listened closely through the howls around them, grabbed his weapon and walked couple of steps towards Tom.

    “Come on! Leave the booze!” shouted a tall man up the street and the dwarf holding the morning star stopped, mumbled something and then shouted down towards the men in the pier,     “Hey! Take this ale with you!” and then started running up the street. The last of the men going towards the ship stopped, waved to couple of his fellows and started jogging towards the barrel.

    “Now or never!” thought Tom by himself, grabbed his son and quickly moved to the barrel in the cover of darkness and climbed in it. It was only half full, the Dwarf had been very busy, but as Tom jumped inside, the level rose closer to the rim. Tom heard the sounds of the men coming towards them and as they closed in he took a long deep breath and went under holding his son.

    “Leave it!” shouted Captain Drengen from the pier and started walking to his ship. The three men stopped, looked at the ale barrel and themselves and without saying a word they made a decision to value a full barrel of ale more than the orders from their Captain. They quickly put the lid back on the barrel and started carrying it back to the ship. 

 

***

 

Grimnir quickly caught up to the rest of the team, although he had started to somewhat feel the effect of gulping down his so called ‘liquid food’. He burped and tapped Eldric on his shoulder.

    “So, now what?”

    “We head south,” Eldric said.

    “You mean towards the massive screams and howls? Grimnir touched the hilt of his morning star, and smiled.

    “Exactly, we need to get through them if we want to reach the City of the Dead.”

    “Then it’s time for some head bashing,Grimnir said, and burped again. “Excuse me.”

    Eldric looked at Grimnir trying to keep his ale inside him and then towards Lani, upper in the street, looking ahead.

    “They are here,” Lani said and took out her slim two handed sword from the sheath on her back. Then, like a dark tidal wave they came pouring down through the street, a slow mass of undead gnomes, goblins and halflings, all armed with something in their hands, swords, knives, pieces of wood, pieces of other undead zombies, legs, arms. And the sound of their scream was deafening as they hit the corner and saw Eldric, Lani and Grimnir.

    “Here we go,” said Grimnir and grabbed his morning star.

    

***

 

Zombies, the undead or the living dead; all those names meant one and the same thing; a previously deceased, somewhat decaying and foul smelling creature, controlled by Necromancers and the hunger for death. And in the streets of the halfling capitol of Aisling there were thousands of them on the streets banging on the doors and windows of the houses with people foolish enough to stay behind. The flow of the dark mass of the undead ran from the streets to the harbour and it was not stopping. More were coming from the hills and the Dark Aurora completely covered the skies above. In the main square of the city there was a massive white circle of flame right next to the fountain and the spiralling statue of the protector of Jangala, the Rajínn. Inside of that circle were three figures surrounded by dismembered and headless corpses. Eldric was standing in the centre of the circle, his eyes and tattoos on his arms burning bright white. As any of the foolish undead tried to walk through the white flame they were instantly slowed or frozen still and any remaining straggler was decapitated by the sharp blade of Lani. She was moving so fast that it would have been difficult to focus your eyes on her. In her wake heads and pieces of the undead fell to the ground, shattering into pieces.

Eldric saw only white flames as the spell took all his concentration and the third figure inside the circle was missing a left arm that had clearly been gnawed off and half of his face was gone along with most of his stomach. In his right hand, Grimnir was still holding tightly on his trusty morning star although some of his fingers had been gnawed off. He wasn’t breathing.

    “How long?” Lani shouted as she shattered the ice covered head off from a very short halfling woman that was using an arm of her husband as a blunt instrument of death.

    “Soon,” Eldric said and as he said it, the ice flames around them lowered just a bit. “Don’t bother me now.”

    Just leave him. He slows us down.”

    “No.

    “He’s not that good of a fighter anyway. He’s just crazy,” Lani grunted, slashed another head off and from her frustration kicked the head hard as it was coming down towards the ground. Outer layer of the frozen head of previously very successful gnome barber shattered and the rest flew high above the swarm of the undead surrounding them. Lani smiled.

    Eldric knew that he couldn’t keep up the circle forever. Each zombie that came through it consumed his energy and there was no time to replenish now. They had to get out of the city somehow. During the last hour they had just managed to move couple of blocks from the harbour to the city centre, before Grimnir finally had fallen beneath the swarm.  

    “It’s happening!” Lani shouted and stopped moving for a minute as she glanced at the body of Grimnir. The talisman of resurrection in his chest started to hum a low sound and golden flames engulfed his body, moving through the surface of his skin. The pitch of the hum rose as the flames got brighter and soon the area where his body was lying was as bright as the sun and it was impossible to watch directly at it. As she was blinded by the light for a moment, Lani felt a sharp sting at the side of her chest as a frosty, but only slowed zombie gnome father hit her with his spear. Lani growled, snapped the spear in two and in an instant the spearhead was piercing the forehead of the gnome. Lani kicked the body back into the white circle where it shattered and then continued to chop off the rest of his family.

    “Get over here!” Eldric shouted to Lani and ran to Grimnir.

    “Why?”

    “Just do it. Now!”  

    Lani jumped next to Eldric and as she did, the tattoos on Eldrics arms stopped glowing and instantly the white circle died out around them letting the scourge rush towards them. Eldric grabbed on to Lani and pulled her with him to Grimnir, the light blinding them both. Eldric placed his hand on top of the amulet and started to chant some ancient words and as he did, the light from the talisman covered their bodies. Just as the horde surrounded them, a massive bright beam of light burst up from the body of Grimnir and a golden shockwave of flames expanded out through the square, crushing everything organic in its’ path and as it hit the edge of the square, the energy imploded back into the body of Grimnir in a blinding white blast. When the howling wind died out and the light from the talisman faded, the square was silent and dark. Grimnir stood up, took a deep breath, stretched his legs and arms, checking everything was there and yawned. On the ground, Lani and Eldric held their heads and slowly got up themselves.

“What was that?!” Lani shouted as she took a couple of steps back from Grimnir and held her aching head, “I’m still seeing white.

“That?” Grimnir said and smiled, “That was resurrection!

“I call that trick an exploding dwarf,” Eldric said and tapped Grimnir on the shoulder.

“Shut it!” Grimnir grunted and picked up his morning star from the ground and looked at it. “I should’ve taken the axe.”

Then they heard the howl of the undead scourge closing in on them.

That’s our cue to move,” Eldric said and the three started to run towards the street leading north and up towards the hill. The street was filled with the undead scourge, screaming to get their hands on the trio.

“Okay, time for round two!” Grimnir shouted and just about when he had picked a target for his morning star, the scourge started to move away from them, running up the street.

“What?” Eldric said but before he could think more of it, Grimnir was running faster behind the zombies and shouting “Fear me!” until they came round the corner, when Grimnir stopped on his tracks. Up on the street, surrounded by zombie trolls with mauls and small gnomes pointing rifles directly at Grimnir and the rest of the group, was Night Templar Xijan on her pitch black slowly decaying war horse, holding her staff on her left hand, emanating the power of Dark Aurora. Her dark red crystal armour glowed and crackled from within, shining ominous red light on her ornamental metal chest plate. Her helmet revealed her face that was as beautiful as it had been thousand years ago. Her slightly glowing crystal eyes were fixed on one person; Eldric. And she was smiling. The world around them went silent. Nothing moved, just the zombie troll holding a massive war hammer growled by himself.

“Oh my, a Finngård wizard.” said Xijan with a smooth penetrating voice. “It must be my lucky day.” Xijan raised her staff and the goblins fired their rifles as the trolls started to run down the road.

 

***

 

    Tom shivered inside the ale barrel. He had swallowed a lot more ale than he would have really wanted when the barrel had been moved around. It was pitch black and his fingers throbbed in pain as he had tried to open the lid of the barrel in vain. There was nothing to hold on to. The air was starting to run out and he couldn’t afford dying in here. He knew what happens to dead people and as a homicidal zombie he would not be able to take care of his son. His son that was at this time somewhere under, at the bottom of the barrel, scratching his legs and biting them. There was nothing left to do but one more thing; cry for help. Tom started to knock on the lid of the barrel. Then soon he was banging it.

    “Heeeeelp!” He shouted as loud as he could. Nothing. There was not a single sound around. It was all quiet.

    “Someone! Help! I’m in the barrel!” Tom shouted and banged on the lid. He felt his head becoming dizzy from the lack of air and from the shouting. It was pointless. Tom stopped and started to ponder which way would be more comfortable to die; suffocating or drowning in ale. He figured the both of them to be quite similar. Suddenly Tom felt the ship tilt violently and the barrel fell down on its side and then rolled on to the wall. Tom swallowed another mug full of ale while rolling around in the barrel with his son. The ship tilted again and the barrel rolled onto a small metal support beam and cracked. Tom felt the ale starting to spill out. The barrel continued to roll back and forth each time hitting something hard until Tom heard noises.

    “Ragnar, you moron!” a deep angry voice shouted, “You forgot to strap the barrels down!”

    “We were in hurry, chef,” said Ragnar.

    “Come on, help me!” the deep voice said and Tom felt the barrel turn back up.

    “Just great. It’s leaking. Go get that empty one, maybe we can salvage some of it.”

    Tom went blind for couple of seconds when the big bellied chef Hjålgar opened the lid and jumped back screaming like a little girl. As Tom regained his eyesight there were two figures staring down at him; Chef Hjålgar, wielding a knife on his right hand and his friend, a young man called Ragnar holding an oil lamp, shining the light on Toms’ face.

    “What is that?” Ragnar said.

    “Uh, hello, I am Tom.” Tom said and tried to smile but was too scared.

    “What are you doing in my ale?” Hjålgar grunted.

    “I –uhm- escaped from the city in it,” Tom continued

    “Hiding in the ale? What kind of idiot locks himself into a barrel of perfectly good ale?”

    “Sorry about that,” Tom said.

    “It’s ruined now,” Hjålgar said and shook his head. “We don’t have any ale left. We’re doomed.”

    “It’s still good. I just drank some,” Tom said.

    “You!” Hjålgar shouted, “Shut your mouth! And get out of there! Now!”

    Tom was trying to keep his son still under the water with his left arm and had no idea what to do with him. If they saw him, they would most certainly kill him.

    “Come on! Out!”

    “Okay, I just- “Tom stuttered and looked around for somewhere to hide his undead baby boy.

    “Enough!” Hjålgar said and picked Tom up from his shoulders, pulled him out of the barrel and hung him high in the air.

    “What?” Hjålgar stared at the growling and soaked baby boy Tom was hanging on. Before Hjålgar could figure out what was going on, Tom suddenly kicked the oil lamp out of Ragnars hand and as it hit the floor it shattered and lit the floor on fire.

“You little bastard!“ Hjålgar dropped Tom, quickly grabbed the ale barrel and turned it over pouring the remains into the burning floor. The flames died instantly and the men were left in the pitch black darkness.

Get another lamp!” Hjålgar shouted.

“Where?” Ragnar said in the dark, “They’re all up in the deck.”

“Right,” Hjålgar said and struck a large match. It shone a small flickering light in his face and as he moved it around, he saw flower bags and some dried meat hanging from the ceiling but not a sign of Tom or his boy. The match died out and Hjålgar struck another one.

“Let’s get out of here.” he said and slowly made his way to the ladder, leading up to the deck.

“What about the halfling?”

“He’s not going anywhere,” Hjålgar said and climbed up.

“Good thing that was ale and not Dragon Mead. That would’ve blown the whole ship up,Ragnar said as he closed and sealed the hatch after him, leaving Tom in the pitch black darkness. Behind the flower bags, by the wall a baby boy growled as Tom let go of his mouth.

“Shit,” Tom said and took a deep sigh.

 

***

 

    Night Templar Xijan was motionless like a statue on her horse, covered in frost and so was her army down on the road. They were all immobile in various different positions, running down the frosted street, waving their weapons. Some were even frozen in time at mid-air. Amongst them, Lani and Grimnir looked around in awe as they tried to figure out what had happened. Eldric walked slowly up the street, dodging bullets moving very slowly in mid-air, the arms of Eldric were glowing wildly in blue colour under his blue jacket. Eldrics eyes were bright blue and focused on the Night Templar. He walked past the troll and his war hammer in a striking position and continued his way through the statuesque horde of zombies.

    “What is this? He froze time?” Lani said as she looked at the bullets flying in the air.

    “Not quite. I’d say he cast a Haste spell.” Grimnir said and walked next to the first troll coming at them. 

    “Haste?”

    “Yep. He didn’t stop them, he just made us move very fast. That’s why it looks like the time stopped.

    “Interesting, Lani said and looked around.  

    “Enough talk. Check this out!Grimnir said, grabbed his morning star and swung it directly into the right side of the trolls chest. The troll shattered into million pieces which flew across the street and then slowly froze still in the air, “With haste my morning star moves as fast as lightning.”

    “Nice,” Lani said and swung her sword into a small goblin holding a rifle. The goblin was not just instantly cut in half but the kinetic force continued through the body and the gnome started to slowly explode from inside.

    “This is fun,” Lani smiled and kicked a halfling lady holding a small hammer and shattered her chest into thousand pieces.

“Stop playing around!” Eldric shouted up the street, standing next to the Night Templar, “I can’t hold this spell for long. Get over here!”

Grimnir and Lani quickly made their way through the horde, leaving shattered zombie pieces lying around in the air.

That’s a Night Templar? Let’s kill her,Grimnir said and took aim with his morning star.

“Wait!” Eldric shouted, “Don’t touch her.

“What? Why?

I sense a strong protection spell around her. And that’s not all,” Eldric looked directly at the eyes of Xijan and as he did, the ice around them shattered and the crystal eyes stared right back at him.

“We need to move, now,” Eldric said and then stopped as his eyes found crystal end of the staff in Xijan’s hand. Inside, he saw the essence of Dark Aurora. He moved closer, staring at the darkness. Behind him Grimnir screamed in pain and dropped to his knees. Eldric just stared at the Dark Aurora within the staff and raised his hand slowly towards it.

“Eldric!” Lani shouted as Grimnir shook in pain and his shirt scorched and burned through, revealing the talisman of resurrection inside, expanding right in front of their eyes, grabbing his skin tighter and running its golden veins through his chest and to his left shoulder. Then he collapsed down on the ground, motionless. As Eldric’s fingers touched the staff, the head of Night Templar Xijan moved as she forced herself into Eldrics spell and the ice in her body started to crack. Lani grabbed Eldric away from the staff and shook him.

“Snap out of it!” Lani shouted to Eldric. “We need to go.”

“Grimnir?” Eldric said as he saw him on the ground, twitching in pain.

“I’ll get him, just keep your spell going!” Lani said and lifted Grimnir to her shoulder and started to run south through the frozen undead army. Eldric followed, trying to hold on to the remnants of the Haste spell to get them as far as possible before it failed.

When they were just about clear of the city border, Eldric finally collapsed to the ground from the exhaustion and let go of the spell. Immediately they heard the undead howls from the city.

“Let me down!” Grimnir shouted and struggled off from Lani.

How about a thank you?” Lani grunted as Grimnir walked over to Eldric, who was breathing heavily.

“Are you okay?” Grimnir said to Eldric.

“Just tired, but what about you?” Eldric said and pointed to Grimnir’s chest. Grimnir ran his fingers through the golden talisman, moving all through his chest and felt the golden veins up on his shoulder.

I was afraid this would happen,Grimnir said. It’s happened couple of times before. The talisman needs living energy to bring me back and this place is a void.”

“So it grows?”

“It absorbs my life force. Good thing I have plenty!” Grimnir smiled and tapped Eldric on his shoulder.

“You could have told me this before we left.”

“And miss all the fun? No way. I’ll be okay.”

“If you stop dying in every battle that is,” Lani said. From the distance, a terrifying howl of the zombie horde reigned over them like a storm and interrupted their conversation.

Speaking of which.” Eldric said, “Can you run?”

“I’m fine,” Grimnir said as they started to run south, following the road.

 

***

   

    Lord Marduk was kneeled beside the remains of Baél, still occupied in his thoughts, concentrating on something. The Dark Aurora flowed around him more fiercely than it had before and streams of the Dark Aurora were directly feeding on the few remaining pieces of flesh from Baél. Night Templar Xen came walking back to his master.

    “My Lord,” Xen bowed. 

    “Leave” Lord Marduk growled silently, without looking up, “I’m busy.”

    “Uhm,” Xen pondered his choices for a while, then decided to take the risk, “This is important.”

    “What?!”

    “Finngård wizard is headed this way.”

    “Where?”

    “Night Templar Xijan is hunting him, south of the halfling capitol.”

    “Good,” Lord Marduk said, “Have the rest of the Templars moved north already?”

    “Yes. The horde is moving towards the dwarven lands as one army.”

    “Very well, now leave me.” Lord Marduk said and closed his eyes. The Dark Aurora started to swirl faster around him and Night Templar Xen decided it was best if he would go and oversee the attack on the north. He walked towards the temple of the dead, which was on the other side of the River of Spirits. On the stone bridge, crossing the river, he noticed that the stream had almost dissipated. The river was now almost dry. But still, through the gates of the Underworld he kept hearing a noise like a bellowing of a waterfall. Something was still there. Something ancient and big. Night Templar Xen took a couple of quick steps and moved away from the bridge towards the temple. He felt anxious; The City of the Dead seemed way too silent for his taste. There were no screams from the recently deceased or tearing of limbs. All but he and Lord Marduk were gone and almost the whole continent was soon to become silent. But still, the thought of the whole world under his command, that thought felt good. For a second Xen thought if Lord Marduk could read his thoughts, but as he stepped onto the temple steps and walked up, he stopped worrying. He walked into the golden circle and placed his hand in the centre of a big transparent crystal orb. The orb lit up and as Night Templar Xen concentrated on the orb, he could see the world through the eyes of other Night Templars. 

   

***

   

    Tom had no idea how long he had been down in the darkness. The ship seemed to have hit even bigger storms as it rocked violently back and forth for hours, maybe even days. No one had come below deck to check on him or worse, kill him. He had found water by stumbling around in the dark and also some dried meat. At least he hoped it was dried meat and not someones leather pants. There was not much to eat as most of the barrels were empty. His zombie son had no problem in the darkness as he hunted the floors for rats, quite successfully, if the squeaks were a good indication of it. As Johan had nowhere to go from here, Tom did not worry too much about him. ‘Let him play’ he thought. When the men finally would come to get them, they might be doomed anyway. This had been a long and very stressful journey for a small halfling but at least they were safe from the zombie horde here, locked in the dark belly of the unknown ship, headed somewhere, hopefully far away from the horrors.

    Tom decided to take another nap and climbed inside one of the empty barrels that were secured to the wall. Inside the barrel he would be safe from rats and most importantly, his son. He still had an occasional habit of trying to claw his eyes out and his bony fingers were perfect for the job. Tom curled up in the bottom of the barrel, on top of a flower bag and pulled an empty bag over his head. The rocking of the ship soon waved him to sleep as his son crawled around in the floor, after a quite terrified little mouse.

 

***

Chapters

6

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
A Knight wrote 1028 days ago

I think this has an excellent balance of a diverse genre span. Horror, fantasy and comedy are hard to balance, but I was delighted by what I read here. Excellent work, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

Andrew Burans wrote 1032 days ago

You build your story slowly with just a hint of foreshadowing which intices the reader to keep reading and then bang the action starts and at the end of "The Prologue" you leave the reader wondering as to what is exactly going on . This is well done. You have crafted an unique and most interesting storyline and this coupled with your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

kendra ann ziems wrote 803 days ago

would have to agree with some of the other comments; horror, comedy, fantasy, and it unravels and keeps interest.

kendra ann ziems wrote 811 days ago

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

FunkyFaux wrote 994 days ago

I've had your book on my watchlist for a long time. I like it, but I have quite a few things to talk about and I never seem to be able to find the time.
Regardless, I would end up backing the book. So for now, its going on my shelf and hopefully that will remind me to take a few minutes in the next couple of days.

Funky :]

D. L. Stroupe wrote 1001 days ago

Not much to say, but I'll offer a small proofreading correction for page two:
It all begun with....
This isn't grammatical, and is probably a typo from incomplete editing.
It had all begun with... -or- It all began with....

Good luck.

Heikki Hietala wrote 1002 days ago

hee hee... popcorn fiction, I like it, I like it...

Christian Piatt wrote 1006 days ago

Leo:
This reminds me of the recent film release, ZOMBIELAND. I always enjoy books/stories that try to, at the same time, poke fun at a genre and employ the elements of that genre for powerful effect. I'm not entirely sure from the bit I've read if this was your aim, but it seems to hit that mark rather well.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

~mak~ wrote 1011 days ago

Nice read, interesting storyline and just in general an easy book to read.
The action parts were decent. Some things escaped me like the 'prophecy' you mentioned at the end. Nice twist with the bad boss guy.
I would have liked some extra drama about the halfling and his son since they had a reasonable part in the story and it just ends with a depection of him and his dead son. It's not bad but a bit too sober in my opinion.

In any case very much enjoyable, thanks for putting it up here.

Barry Wenlock wrote 1015 days ago

Extremely readable, highly entertaining and very funny. Dark and light chocolate -- my favourite.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

K.Z. Freeman wrote 1017 days ago

undead halflings rofl. quite good actually, good writing.

SRFire wrote 1018 days ago

Backed with pleasure. Thanks for the fun read! Sana x

GuardsMann81 wrote 1019 days ago

Very interesting beginning. I love that he is trying to save his zombie baby. Very creative story that draws on most understood fantasy. I look forward to reading more. Backed previously and very happily so. One recommendation though. Needs a bit of tightening. There are a few missing words here and there. A quick edit would take care of it.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

R.A. Baker wrote 1019 days ago

Thanks for making fantasy fun again! Comedy and fantasy is a tough combination because one runs the risk of losing hardcore fantasy readers. Well I have to say you have managed to add humor in this tale while still making it an exciting and traditional fantasy--with several surprising elements. This well written tale will appeal to all fantasy fans. Very imaginative and well thought out. Great work.

NeilColquhoun wrote 1019 days ago

Hi
I like the synopsis and this is added to my TBR list.
Stay Alive
Neil.

ccb1 wrote 1023 days ago

Backed Dark Aurora. Great paranomral thriller with the touch of humor. Good job.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Rakhi wrote 1023 days ago

This is wonderfully imagined with a great blend of horror and humor. The basic theme of good versus evil is uniquely portrayed.
Backed earlier.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

hikey wrote 1024 days ago

Fast paced, humorous,a baroque concoction held together by a wild imagination.
Good luck with your writing.
Jane

Wilma1 wrote 1025 days ago

You had me hooked on your opening chapter and this is not the sort of thing I read. Your writing is so descriptive the way you engage us just with his view of his surroundings is very clever. It doesn’t always work mixing genre but you have certainly managed it. I think if you can entice enough reads you could get noticed. I read two chapters and was impressed that your style is as strong on each page. Very good dialogue by the way
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look

Inky36 wrote 1025 days ago

Dark Aurora
By Leo Sebastian Kihlman.

Hello Leo,

This is a strange, but unique story of gnomes that turn into flesh eating, mindless zombies. It's a bit different from the normal run-of-the-mill stories that we usual get. Its easy to read and get through and there a good humour that runs through this and makes the reader smile. You have a vivid imagination, Leo, and that's a good thing not bad.

I did notice a few mistakes though in the first chapter, so here goes.

In the opening paragraph on the third line - He felt the empty cold space on the left side of the bed. Change bed, it's too repetative as you already have the word bed in the same line. Maybe change it to something like - He felt the empty cold space to the left of him.

the line, still a bit asleep, doesn't sound right - possibly change it to - still sleepy, drowsy or even half awake.
unfortunate fatal accident - have one or the other, unfortunate or fatal, both are too much together.

Hope my comments help you.
Good luck with your book.
Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

bluegirl09 wrote 1025 days ago

an interesting mixture of lord of the ring-esque fantasy and modern day life, with a lovely splash of comedy to keep the reader hooked. Very imaginative plot!

Good Luck!

Selena Hallahan - 'With Teeth'

tlst wrote 1025 days ago

Very original - loved it. Backed, Tania, This Last Summer

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 1025 days ago

This is the work that keeps the lights on in Hollywood. Great. Backed. Chuck (Literary Agent Blues) (Uboat Officer)

Sly80 wrote 1026 days ago

Popcorn fiction? Halflings and gnomes? Blue skin and big feet, 'they looked extremely adorable'? O-kay. They're not so different, when it comes down to it. Busy town, coffee and pie, factory work, drunken goblins, grave robbers... But then everything changes to zombies, which saves Tom having to bother about the kids or building his dream house. And I guess that makes it a priority of the authorities to stop other people dying and joining the hordes of undead, 'fix him up before he bleeds out'. Hm, I suspect rescuing his tiny zombie son is going to be a bit of a hindrance...

This is easily as good as the best zombie popcorn fiction I've read, Sebastian (and I've read quite a few) packed with humour, both black and farcical. I'm putting it on my shelf.

Pitch: 'definitely [definitely]'. 'combine[d] strength'. Story: 'gnomes, unlike halflings, liked [enjoyed?] constructing things'. 'weird grandmothers that [who] slept'. Perhaps break up some of the longer paragraphs to make reading easier.

Just a word of advice on editing your chapters on authonomy, in case you haven't already: use UPDATE to load the edited chapters. Don't use DELETE and then reload as this can cause problems.

sye wrote 1027 days ago

Well done for writing a cracking book.

You've got my backing

Sye

Kidd1 wrote 1027 days ago

Add zombies ala "Zombieland" who only eat brains, and you have a dark delicious well written comedy ala Leo. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

amanda.grice wrote 1028 days ago

Leo,
I just glanced over your prologue, but I saw in the pitch "zombie horde" and now in this I see "goblin", "gnome", and "blood". Needless to say, I'm definitely intrigued to read more!

Amanda
The Awakening

A Knight wrote 1028 days ago

I think this has an excellent balance of a diverse genre span. Horror, fantasy and comedy are hard to balance, but I was delighted by what I read here. Excellent work, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

Leo Sebastian wrote 1029 days ago

Leo, the pitch is the thing - it's not good at the moment. A list of surreal elements does not a pitch make. Once you have the magic 25 words you have your best chance to get people to read your book. Work on it a bit.
Thanks for backing my book.
T. L. Bartush


Thanks a lot for your critique. Although shouting brains!dragons!warriors! quite fits the style of the book, it surely isn't a proper pitch, you're right about that. So, I updated it and hopefully the new pitch attracts interest. Thanks again. -Leo

missyfleming_22 wrote 1030 days ago

I really enjoyed this Leo, and it's not something I normally read! I like to check out the fantasy books because I'm blown away by the imagination it takes to write them! Yours was no exception. The action just doesn't let up! I'm about halfway through and will come back to finish sometime. The nits that I have were already addressed below, paragraphs beginning with same word quite often, phrases repeated, general grammar mistakes. I think a good hard edit will make this even stronger than it already is.

Best of luck!
Missy

yasmin esack wrote 1030 days ago

LOVE THIS!


backed

Burgio wrote 1031 days ago

DARK AURORA
This is a good fantasy story. Tom is a good main character; he’s likable and certainly sympathetic when Hennah comes at him with the knife. You’ve obviously put a lot of planning and thought into this imaginary world because you can describe the characters and scenes in it so well they come alive and seem real. Makes this a good read. Stands out from most other fantasy books on this site. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

J.S.Watts wrote 1031 days ago

Gripping, gruesome, tongue in cheek fun. It would however benefit from a rigorous edit as the punctuation is a tad wobbley and there are typos like "It all begun" at the start of chapter 2 (It had all begun or It all began are ok alternatives) and anomalies like a tear (singular) formaing in his eyes (plural) in chapter 1.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Jim Darcy wrote 1031 days ago

Certainly grabs the reader by the throat and doesn't let go! Great fun!
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

T. L. Bartush wrote 1032 days ago

Leo, the pitch is the thing - it's not good at the moment. A list of surreal elements does not a pitch make. Once you have the magic 25 words you have your best chance to get people to read your book. Work on it a bit.

Thanks for backing my book.

T. L. Bartush

celticwriter wrote 1032 days ago

Hi there, has all the elements of a terrific movie. Sorry, couldn't but notice, as I'm primarily a screenwriter. Great visuals! Backed.

jim
jack & charmian london (would love your comments!)

Owen Quinn wrote 1032 days ago

Praise be, Leo this is my new heaven, I lve it and the gmaer is obvious but so what? I love this, did I say that or was that level 3? backed with absolute pleasure.

andrew skaife wrote 1032 days ago

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

name falied moderation wrote 1032 days ago

Dear Leo
well what a book cover and what a pitch fir sure. All so captivating, \i had no choice but to start reading straight away.....I. have not read it all but will carry on and comment down the road when done. the VERY best of luck with this and i want to back it now so that i can assist your climb to the top
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
If you would take the time to look at my book, make some comments ( positive i hope ha!) and BACK it, that would be great , if not that is |OK also
Denise
The Letter

Leo Sebastian wrote 1032 days ago

Thanks all for you support and critique. I've already edited the prologue a bit removing the excess of "Toms" with some other minor tweaks. Let the crafting begin!

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1032 days ago

Helter skelter of horror, does the pace ever relax? There will be a shortage of fingernails on authonomy. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Craig Ellis wrote 1032 days ago

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Craig Ellis wrote 1032 days ago

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Craig Ellis wrote 1032 days ago

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

lizjrnm wrote 1032 days ago

Wow - you haver been blessed with such a gifted imagination as well as thetalent for putting it to words! backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

lizjrnm wrote 1032 days ago

Wow - you haver been blessed with such a gifted imagination as well as thetalent for putting it to words! backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Cariad wrote 1032 days ago

Zombies, dragons, brains, fireballs and a blue sun - what more could I ask for. Gross when the boy is growling at his father, and I kinda like the idea of a small zombie - cute? Nahhh, maybe not. lol.
Polly
STONES.

Andrew Burans wrote 1032 days ago

You build your story slowly with just a hint of foreshadowing which intices the reader to keep reading and then bang the action starts and at the end of "The Prologue" you leave the reader wondering as to what is exactly going on . This is well done. You have crafted an unique and most interesting storyline and this coupled with your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Rusty Bernard wrote 1032 days ago

Hi leo,

my daughter loves this and I am backing it on her behalf. She is 23 by the way!

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause


K A Smith wrote 1032 days ago

I like the title, I like the pitch, I like the ideas, I like the milieu, I like the over-all feel, I like quite a lot of the writing, but some of it is not very clear: already in the first paragraph, I'm a little puzzled - he's jumped out of bed and he's almost hit his head on the wooden beam on the roof? Is his bed on the roof? Hmm. Pretty much everything in the first three paragraphs can be found later, in one way shape or bizarrely twisted form. I'd be tempted to start it with:

"Shit," said Tom as he looked at the mess; the coffeepot had boiled over. He decided to ignore it for now.

But what do I know?

soutexmex wrote 1032 days ago

Leo: I read Ch 9 and I had no complaints. Seems you have this genre down pat. This is not normally something I read so I am looking more at the mechanics aspect of it. The only niggle I have is both the pitches needs to be rewritten as they really are not written out now, per se. Good writing though. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

lynn clayton wrote 1032 days ago

You create a vivid world of Halflings (gorgeous name) and it's a world we identify with readily, even emotionally. The thought that the baby will never see its mother is a touching moment.
Then, in the midst of the gentle domesticity, the grave is robbed, by 'red-skinned bastards'.
I love this. It's excellently written. The only jarring note for me was the repetition of Tom's name at the beginning of the prologue.
It's not my genre but I can appreciate good writing. I'm sure it'll do well. Backed. Lynn

12