Mermentau: Seal of the Forgotten

Having taught English for a long time I am in the right seat to tell you that this would have been a boon in the classroom. YA love to be scared and there are many elements that are there to do that here. Also the sparky relationship between Ellie and Jason is poitched perfectly to chime with the YA too.

On the whole, a great example of the genre. BACKED

My children would have loved this. There is a real market for this target audience as people encourage their children to read again. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Z.D.,

Wonderful story. The premise is awesome with all of the mystical ingredients. Your writing is smooth and colorful. The characterization is great.
I love the 'Twinkie Law' and the dynamics among the children. I know my son would love this story.
Great Job!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

This is the perfect book for the entire family - I can see a movie in its future! Seriously well done! Backed

Liz
The Cheech Room

Mystical, magical and an enthralling story. you have a talent for story telling. Happy to back. eunice - The Temple Dancer.

You have crafted a suspenful and entertaining YA novel. I really enjoyed Ellie and Jackson and the relationship they have together. I did see some grammatical errors but overall I enjoyed the book. Backed with pleasure.
Julie
Emmerick

Z.D. Scanian / Mermentau. I only spotted this book this morning, but had to download a chapter, as the prologue hook was very effective. I have so far only read the first ch. but I am already deciding to read some more later today, although I might be beaten by my son, who also enjoys it [he's your market, so more important. He has told me to back it. So I have.
I would appreciate your comments on my childrens book ; Paperbats Adventure. Any comments [back or trash it] ?
Thanks, Jerry - paperbat

Hi there -

I had a lot of fun with this. Having had to work through the entire summer thanks to sloth in booking holiday time off, I've found myself thinking wistfully about the fantastic moment when school breaks up for summer, and what a great feeling it is. You capture this moment, and simply being fourteen and enthusiastic about adventure and discovering girls, very well in your opening chapter. Excellent stuff, with the promise of adventure.

Cheers

Pat
Snarl

Dear Z.D.,

sorry this took so long but I have been on holiday and have simply been reading to catch up and not responding. Really enjoyed your book and will read more and comment again very soon.

Rusty
The Mental Pause

Decided to read a little of the book starting at 10:30 pm got "sucked in" until 2:00 am. Thanks! I would recommend this to my friends to read. There are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors throughout, but I know it is a work in progress. Great imagination and fresh descriptions. I was smiling, laughing, nervous, curious and scared. Loved it!
BACKED

Nicole-
Thank you for the start forward critisism and for providing examples. The idea is to get better. This will definitely help me to improve the work. I can see how I am telling the story and not showing it. That is a challenge I have at times because I want the reading to understand how the conversation takes place. I guess I need to let them do more. Thank you again.

Hi JD

A few comments:

The long pitch is a bit "bitty" - it seems to start several times, giving us glimpses into the story without a clear idea of the high concept.
Good short prologue
First para: switches from past historic tense, to present, and back to past tense. Avoid tense changes.
"freshman year", "freshmen were kings of the middle school"
Omit "it was at that moment that"
"No one could make her laugh like Jackson, no one" - change in pov to Ellie's pov not advisable. Stick to one pov if poss within each scene
avoid adverbs modifying speech eg "sarcastically" - it's looked on as "telling not showing"
leave out the sentence "as tragic as that event had been" - telling not showing
I like Jackson's girlish scream and the smell of an Oregon summer - very real
no need for "with a hint of sarcasm" and "feeling defeated"
suggest using more contractions "I'll, I'm, you're" etc in the dialogue to make it sound less stilted
I like the business about the Twinkie rules - natural

I found this very sweet and natural, and you have a nice straightforward narrative style, although possibly the first chapter could have moved along a little faster. From the pitch, it sounds like they have lots of adventure ahead of them and they are both sympathetic characters that the reader will enjoy spending time with. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Nicole-
Thank you for the start forward critisism and for providing examples. The idea is to get better. This will definitely help me to improve the work. I can see how I am telling the story and not showing it. That is a challenge I have at times because I want the reading to understand how the conversation takes place. I guess I need to let them do more. Thank you again.

Hi JD

A few comments:

The long pitch is a bit "bitty" - it seems to start several times, giving us glimpses into the story without a clear idea of the high concept.
Good short prologue
First para: switches from past historic tense, to present, and back to past tense. Avoid tense changes.
"freshman year", "freshmen were kings of the middle school"
Omit "it was at that moment that"
"No one could make her laugh like Jackson, no one" - change in pov to Ellie's pov not advisable. Stick to one pov if poss within each scene
avoid adverbs modifying speech eg "sarcastically" - it's looked on as "telling not showing"
leave out the sentence "as tragic as that event had been" - telling not showing
I like Jackson's girlish scream and the smell of an Oregon summer - very real
no need for "with a hint of sarcasm" and "feeling defeated"
suggest using more contractions "I'll, I'm, you're" etc in the dialogue to make it sound less stilted
I like the business about the Twinkie rules - natural

I found this very sweet and natural, and you have a nice straightforward narrative style, although possibly the first chapter could have moved along a little faster. From the pitch, it sounds like they have lots of adventure ahead of them and they are both sympathetic characters that the reader will enjoy spending time with. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Nicole-
Thank you for the start forward critisism and for providing examples. The idea is to get better. This will definitely help me to improve the work. I can see how I am telling the story and not showing it. That is a challenge I have at times because I want the reading to understand how the conversation takes place. I guess I need to let them do more. Thank you again.

Hi JD

A few comments:

The long pitch is a bit "bitty" - it seems to start several times, giving us glimpses into the story without a clear idea of the high concept.
Good short prologue
First para: switches from past historic tense, to present, and back to past tense. Avoid tense changes.
"freshman year", "freshmen were kings of the middle school"
Omit "it was at that moment that"
"No one could make her laugh like Jackson, no one" - change in pov to Ellie's pov not advisable. Stick to one pov if poss within each scene
avoid adverbs modifying speech eg "sarcastically" - it's looked on as "telling not showing"
leave out the sentence "as tragic as that event had been" - telling not showing
I like Jackson's girlish scream and the smell of an Oregon summer - very real
no need for "with a hint of sarcasm" and "feeling defeated"
suggest using more contractions "I'll, I'm, you're" etc in the dialogue to make it sound less stilted
I like the business about the Twinkie rules - natural

I found this very sweet and natural, and you have a nice straightforward narrative style, although possibly the first chapter could have moved along a little faster. From the pitch, it sounds like they have lots of adventure ahead of them and they are both sympathetic characters that the reader will enjoy spending time with. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi JD

A few comments:

The long pitch is a bit "bitty" - it seems to start several times, giving us glimpses into the story without a clear idea of the high concept.
Good short prologue
First para: switches from past historic tense, to present, and back to past tense. Avoid tense changes.
"freshman year", "freshmen were kings of the middle school"
Omit "it was at that moment that"
"No one could make her laugh like Jackson, no one" - change in pov to Ellie's pov not advisable. Stick to one pov if poss within each scene
avoid adverbs modifying speech eg "sarcastically" - it's looked on as "telling not showing"
leave out the sentence "as tragic as that event had been" - telling not showing
I like Jackson's girlish scream and the smell of an Oregon summer - very real
no need for "with a hint of sarcasm" and "feeling defeated"
suggest using more contractions "I'll, I'm, you're" etc in the dialogue to make it sound less stilted
I like the business about the Twinkie rules - natural

I found this very sweet and natural, and you have a nice straightforward narrative style, although possibly the first chapter could have moved along a little faster. From the pitch, it sounds like they have lots of adventure ahead of them and they are both sympathetic characters that the reader will enjoy spending time with. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

A compelling and chilling read

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

A great story. The narrative includes all the right sort of things that children love; adventure, scarey bits and a sense of the fantastical. Your characters and descriptions read almost perfect. A wonderful book that would be great fun for the entire family.
Backed with pleasure.
Faith
The Assassins' Village

You have been able to orchestrate fantastic dialogue for these young people. The are sarcastic, playful and supportive with eachother in the first chapters alone! Backing.
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

I do like what I have read. You have crafted a most interesting and exciting storyline and your character development of Jackson, Chase and Ellie is well done. Your imaginative writings ensures that your fantasy will appeal to your intended audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Z.D: this is a perfect submission for your genre. I jumped in at Chapter 12 and there was nothing that distracted me from your tale, nothing to fault you on. Have you considered scaling back that long pitch since this is a childrens genre? Just an idea. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Z.D.,
This is a real thriller, filled with adventure and mystery. Great for the younger end of young adults. Fantastic!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Will- Thanks for the heads up. After making changes it always seems like a mistake can pop up that wasn't there before. Thank you for looking out for another writer. Good Luck.
Zack

The summer, the tire swing, the girl almost nexrt store. What more can we ask in a summmer love tale. But wait, there's darkness lurking. Definitely more to come.

Well done. A fine start.

I suggest you go over it again, with a fine tooth comb for typosand spags. "He had the teeth of baboon." And there's one in your brief bio. Editors, and many readers will knock for those.

Good luck with your fine story.

See you at the ED.

Sincerely,

Will

The summer, the tire swing, the girl almost nexrt store. What more can we ask in a summmer love tale. But wait, there's darkness lurking. Definitely more to come.

Well done. A fine start.

I suggest you go over it again, with a fine tooth comb for typosand spags. "He had the teeth of baboon." And there's one in your brief bio. Editors, and many readers will knock for those.

Good luck with your fine story.

See you at the ED.

Sincerely,

Will

ZD, This is the type of book I would buy and give as gifts. Excellent writing, I think that you make some very good choices with word selection and setting.
Good writing and characterizations will take this book far
Best of luck
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

You have this at exactly the edge that you need to catch and keep the YA audience. Your characters and description are speeding by and that is exactly what the audience want.

BACKED

Having taught English for a long time I am in the right seat to tell you that this would have been a boon in the classroom. YA love to be scared and there are many elements that are there to do that here. Also the sparky relationship between Ellie and Jason is poitched perfectly to chime with the YA too.

On the whole, a great example of the genre. BACKED

A fantastic fantasy adventure! You've got a very imaginative story here and it's extremely visual too. I think your writing style will appeal to all ages. I really enjoyed what I read, It's fun!!

Missy

Hi Jordan, The relationship between Jason and Ellie is delightful; there’s a lot of humorous dialogue and they evoke the age. One phrase I didn’t understand “…most kids on the street think he can take them.” I also liked the atmosphere of their treks around town and there isn’t a hint of danger in it. It’s a little slow getting to the synopsis events. The three being confronted with them sounds like a story that not only presents bizarre challenges but one that will have involving interaction along the plot. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

MERMENTAU
This is a scary story once the kids get to Louisiana. Before that – not so much. I like the way you started this with a scary scene, but then you went back to the kids’ normal life for a long time. I’m wondering if you don’t want to begin this with them landing in Louisiana – then go back and fill in their relationship as you did in the opening chapters. Kids are going to choose this from a bookstore shelf because it’s a scary read so you want to get them to that as soon as you can before you lose their attention. That said, this is a good read. You have an engaging writing style. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

This is the perfect book for the entire family - I can see a movie in its future! Seriously well done! Backed

Liz
The Cheech Room

Z.D.,

Wonderful story. The premise is awesome with all of the mystical ingredients. Your writing is smooth and colorful. The characterization is great.
I love the 'Twinkie Law' and the dynamics among the children. I know my son would love this story.
Great Job!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

My children would have loved this. There is a real market for this target audience as people encourage their children to read again. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Hi ZD....continuing to find your journey adventurous and fun. I do believe I've already backed it. If not, doing it again!

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Nice job! Interesting coincidence: your heroine has the same name as mine. Very real people inhabit your wonderful story. Congratulations on your fine book.
Best,
January

Dear Z.D.
just love these magic books and your does seem to be quite original, CONGRATS. I have not read it all but will carry on and comment then......SO I will back this now so that I can assist your climb to the top which I feel sure you will be before long
THE VERY BEST OF LUCK
with your book
and i really hope you find he time in all this to COMMENT (positive I hope) and BACK my book, but if you dont that is OK also.
Denise
The Letter

You have done a great job at characterization. Jackson and ellie are very interesting and the school descriptions are tops and incredibly imaginative. You write this very well that it is easy to get carried into your story.

Vey much recommended

backed

Love your pitches. Happy to back this well-written novel.

Rodney

Dear Z.D., I love your, "God be with you 'til we meet again" - that was pretty impressive. :) Hope you write a lot more exciting riviting stories. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my 2 memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."