Holy Shhh

Holy Shhh is an interesting book that has a quirky funeral director as the main character, who also becomes an amateur detective. The combination is not as odd as it seems. Who else would really know about the body count in a town? The writing is strong and author Adam Napier has added good humor into the narrative, and on different levels. At one level, the most subtle, the way the main character moves and acts is humorous, catching a whiff of himself, “almost” sneaking into the hospital, ect. Then there are the actual gags the author has dropped in, which don’t seem forced at all, and are in fact quite natural, which is an unusual skill for a first time author to be so good at. The pacing of the story moves pretty well too, with just enough mystery to add an element of “one more page and I might find out more” but without so much that readers get lost. All in all, a great read I enjoyed very much.

Dear Adam
the book cover is amazing just amazing.those little bbbbbbbb ...in your cereal. Your short pitch just completely sold me your book, so in my local book store i would pick this up and read the first sentence and pay the cashier. CONGRATS. Even in your long pitch you created right away your MC and I took him into my head, you used words to paint a perfect picture and animated him and he is not staying with me. SO WONDERFUL so well crafted such talent. I have to back this book and the oroginal story.
I have not read all your writing, but i do wish to support your climb so will back this now and possibly comment a bit further on.
BACKED by me for sure,
I do hope you will take time to comment on my book, comments are so important to me, and if you feel so, back it. If not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

This is fantastic. Your writing is crytsalline and shines from the screen. I loved every word.

From the very first line, which is an hilarious start, best I have ever read, you are straight into the sparkling language. A funeral director called Mr Keeper is wonderful.

The discomfort of the lift is brilliantly designed and perfectly executed.

You have wit that bounces from your language and that language is as good as I have ever read (not just on this site). Sometimes I believe that writers of comedy have to be ever better than those of other genres because it is judged on the writing as well as the humour and both are seemingly held to a higher standard. You surmount that standard easily.

BACKED

13 August 2010
My first incongruous thought as I read the pitch was that a high body count in a small town would not be such bad news for possibly the only funereal director. The hitch preventing Mike's unrequited love from being returned was ace and I determined to read. Whether it is intentional or not the mental imagery conjured up by 'fighting jeans' made me chuckle. I like the concept which is ably developed into a plausible plot. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

This is excellent! So frigging funny! You are certainly a talented writer and the tongue in cheek humour you have weaved through the prose is spot on! Id buy this though based solely on title and cover art - which I would guess nine out of ten readers would pick this up from the shelf as well. If I were a publisher Id be dialing your number.
Is that a real honeycomb or a digital image?? Just wondering cause it's perfect.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Adam!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. Special offer for former Authonomy backers between now and the formal launch on Sept 1st: If you would like to receive a “Review” copy of the eBook (plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really), go to the website, click the “Contact” button, and leave a message that includes your Authonomy username and the secret code words “I Feel the Rush!” Details of this promo will be emailed to you. Thanks!

I've only read the first chapter and I am really enjoying it already (which sounds a bit morbid considering the subject matter!). Your writing is fluid and forward moving, I also like the dialogue very much. Promise to read more as the idea of Mike becoming an amateur detective is v. intriguing and I want to meet his Dad too. This is going straight on my bookshelf. Good luck with this, you deserve it. Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

Did a read based on your pith and I did enjoy it.
Good blend of narration and dialogue (even internal dialogue…more won’t hurt).
Keep the POV in Mike’s, don’t switch to narrator’s.
Reader would want a look at your MC (have him get dressed and remarks that the suit doesn’t fit…he’d lost weight, he’s 185 lb, not bad for someone six foot tall…something like that). Use Mike’s eyes like a camera…show reader what he sees.
Only had time for 3 (or was it 4) chapters…maybe I’ll get back if time allows.
Your strength is your voice…use it more (make sure it doesn’t sound same as Mike’s).
Good luck in finding representation.
Dan
PS. Please check mine. Comment/backing will be appreciated.

Hi Adam,

Holy Moly, livin' the dream!

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Hi Adam,

I agree with many of the positive comments below: great cover, great title, great pitch and great premise.

There is a lot of promise in the writing too: good use of language, wry humour and believable dialogue.

But I also agree with some of the more constructive feedback below: I found the opening difficult to follow and had to re-read it a few times. Most of the lines in the opening para are written in a passive style. The writing does get stronger after this and flows better. Although, IMO (and this more about personal preference) I did find clusters of sentences dealing with detail that I don't think adds anything to the storyline. One example is the description of the lift buttons. In fact the whole 'lift scene' was written almost as if in 'real time' rather than delivering the key story markers and moving on.

Finally, I understand why they are there but the many references to the MC's 'sweat' issues in ch1 were a bit over-done in my view.

I don't claim to be a great writer or reviewer so you must accept or ignore my comments as you wish.

So, lots to like and huge potential for what is a unique and compelling storyline. I do think the narrative would benefit from a word cull, but what do I know?

Good luck.

Dear Adam Napier,

I really like your cool, crisp, and catchy style.

Best and Holy Shhh backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Adam,
What a strange quirkly book. I hope Mike realizes that murdering her father isn't the best way to begin a realationship with Amy. I have to tell you his walk into the hospital brought to mind all my walks into old hospitals, the smells, the feelings. I like Mike's paranoia,too, that he recognizes it, coodles it, and uses it. Mike comes off as a dichotomy: weak-strong, dumb-smart, odd-normal. You've done a great job with disarming the reader. I know something is coming, but have no idea what. I'm on the edge of my seat.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Thoroughly intriguing and impossible to put down. The variations in the plot could be endless, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Dear Adam,
Your cover art is just excellent! So strange. And I love the line in your pitch "but the romance seems doomed; maybe because he killed her father." Witty in an understated way.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

I liked the pitch, interesting premise. I felt the start was a little slow. There was a lot of incidental detail and it got a bit overwhelming at times. Personally I think a little less minutia would have helped.

His sweating, while justified by the end of chapter one, went a bit overboard, imo. The smell and the quantity gave it a grotesque over the top vibe, almost to a slapstick level. Not sure if that's the right tone (although it may be, hard to tell from this early on).

The chapter ending was great, brought it all together, but the journey up to that point could have done with a little more focus, or more interesting encounters along the way.

Good, clever, funny start though. Backed.

Adam, strong pace. great main character. enjoyable read.
on my shelf.
i could pass on only kudos but have a very minor thought. pls ignore if it doesn't fit your narrative style.
maybe shorten some dialog tags. e.g., "Mike said in reply" - "Mike replied"
maybe remove some as well? saw a few cases where it was clear who was speaking without the tag.
very best, andy

Hi Adam. Firstly, thanks very much for backing my book. I have just read 'Holy Shhh' and I admire the characterization of Mr Keeper immensely. As Stark Silvercoin writes, I think the pacing is good too, and I definitely wanted to read everything you've posted without stopping.

Good luck with it all and keep going with the imaginative characters: the most original protagonist I've read about in ages!

Backed. Polx
ROSY GEORGE'S CONVENTION CONUNDRUM

I saw your cover up here and had to check it out. I've read your first Chapter. Having read the Chapter, I understand why Mike is so nervous and you pull this off really well (particularly with his paranoia) and it kept me reading. I was actually pretty upset reading about Mr Palmer, one because you describe his illness so acutely, and two because you do the same with their relationship. Unofficially, here's number three: "I can't eat toast or biscuits without feeling like I'm swallowing the entire cast of one of those Japanese cartoons." Awesome frickin line! Also liked Mike's calorie counting.
There are a couple of things that didn't make sense to me though, just the odd word here and there, I'll put them below so you can find them easily. On the whole though, there's a lot to like here and your pitch suggests there's going to be a lot more later on. Thanks for the read.

P.S. Also saw on your profile that you like Fight Club. How awesome is that book? Seriously It's like religion, and-Oh yeah. I'm not supposed to talk about it.

Second Paragraph: 'The hospital's unique aroma, of chemically cleaning products and ammonia mingled with his perspiration, almost evoked a batch of vomit.' Could maybe change evoked for evoking.
Paragraph beginning: But they were not looking: "Not even to that old nurse, reminding him of Miss. Trunchball. Who reminded him of Miss. Trunchball?
Paragraph starting: He found that addressing: "Mike heeded the warning and treaded carefully." Trod carefully?

HOLY Shhh...
The funeral director keeps the readers'interest in tact throughout the first chapter, thanks to Adam's excellent prose. Masterly description!. Like the lift, the story lurches into life quickly. Backed.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

Adam, I only had to read the first chapter to know this is one of the books which I have to come back and read in full when I have the time. You have written it so well (the first chapter anyway) that I am sure it will be picked up by some lucky publisher.Backed.
Good Luck. Norman. (Fromante)

A series of murders with bizarre clues lead funeral director Mike Keeper, and aspiring dectective, to conclude there is a serial killer in town.
A mercy killing in the hospital, or an attempt to drum up business, is the much lauded excuse for being a killer himself, in this ingenuous black comedy. Nicely written and backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

To Adam Napier (Holy Shhh),
The thought of an undertaker evolving into an amateur detective brings a smile to the face and that's only the start. I really enjoyed what I had the time to read, hopefully the remainder will be completed in a few days. Good luck to you and you can have a spin on my bookshelf. BACKED

Frank James (The Contractor)

Holy Shhh is an interesting book that has a quirky funeral director as the main character, who also becomes an amateur detective. The combination is not as odd as it seems. Who else would really know about the body count in a town? The writing is strong and author Adam Napier has added good humor into the narrative, and on different levels. At one level, the most subtle, the way the main character moves and acts is humorous, catching a whiff of himself, “almost” sneaking into the hospital, ect. Then there are the actual gags the author has dropped in, which don’t seem forced at all, and are in fact quite natural, which is an unusual skill for a first time author to be so good at. The pacing of the story moves pretty well too, with just enough mystery to add an element of “one more page and I might find out more” but without so much that readers get lost. All in all, a great read I enjoyed very much.

Hi Adam

Really good writing. I like Mike a lot and his conversation with Mr Palmer is delicate, touching and real. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

HOLY SHHH- Adam Napier
hullo Adam, love your book cover, kind reminds me of seeing words in your alphabits.
'Butcher, baker, coffin maker', how cool and yet funny too. such a job does have its funny aspects.
Very good.Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

I liked it! Very clever! Backing.

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

I'm loving this! You have a terrific 'voice' and I really like the quirky, offbeat humour. I know you want some constructive criticism as well, so I'll point out that 'father' should only be capitalised when used as a proper noun; 'I killed my father's best friend' or 'I killed Father's best friend'.
Hope that's helpful! Backed with pleasure.
Joanna
Fossil Farm

Dear Adam, Many thanks for backing "The Doctor of Summitville" and for calling my attention to your novel. Your pitch gives me the impression that "Holy Shhh" follows a plan worth pursuing, but the present manuscript needs much editing. For example, how do the patients know that Keeper is a funeral director? Why is he dripping sweat? You'll find that it's quite simple to edit your MS and upload it chapter by chapter. This, my friend, would greatly improve your chances with the sharp-eyed Authonomy authors. I'll try to return soon and read on. Best of luck, Bill

Hi Adam,
You describe the funeral director as 'young Mr. Keepe'r, 'Mr. Keeper' and 'the young funeral director' in the opening paragraph.
I wondered why you don't say 'young Mike Keeper' instead of having him address himself by name a few lines later. After the initial 'Mr. Keepers' you call him Mike.
You say he steps into the hospital but then that he catches his own smell on the breeze, as if he is still outside.
Is he sneaking or 'almost sneaking'? How do you almost sneak?
'...reflected his image back at him' -- you don't need 'back at him' -- reflections are like that.
Did the perspiration threaten to cover him, or did it cover him?
...'landed in his nostril.' -- he smelled it?
'so focused... to notice Mike' (too focused)

My 30 mins is up and I've only reached paragraph 4.
A big edit is need (IMO)
Feel free to ignore, of course -- it's meant to help you.

BACKED with best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Really are you going to be that pedantic?
1) I refer to him as Mr. Keeper at first to add some mystery to the opening. People aren't going to read on if they know all the facts straight away.
2) Breezes can go inside you know. There isn't an invisible barrier that prevents breezes from coming inside.
3) He is "almost sneaking" because he is trying to hide in plain sight. If he was walking on his tip-toes or hiding around walls people would notice him "sneaking" meaning he wouldn't be sneaking at all.
4) Mirrors can reflect many different things depending on the angle. So for it to reflect back at him would mean he is parallel to the mirror. That's what I was trying to say.
5 )Perspiration threatening to cover him means that he had started to sweat but wasn't covered just quite yet.

Thank you for looking very closely at my work but I think if you had just read on you would have gotten it. I know you meant this to help but do you not think help would be telling me what is good about my work as well as just pointing out the bad. You need to critique your critique.

Hi Adam,
You describe the funeral director as 'young Mr. Keepe'r, 'Mr. Keeper' and 'the young funeral director' in the opening paragraph.
I wondered why you don't say 'young Mike Keeper' instead of having him address himself by name a few lines later. After the initial 'Mr. Keepers' you call him Mike.
You say he steps into the hospital but then that he catches his own smell on the breeze, as if he is still outside.
Is he sneaking or 'almost sneaking'? How do you almost sneak?
'...reflected his image back at him' -- you don't need 'back at him' -- reflections are like that.
Did the perspiration threaten to cover him, or did it cover him?
...'landed in his nostril.' -- he smelled it?
'so focused... to notice Mike' (too focused)

My 30 mins is up and I've only reached paragraph 4.
A big edit is need (IMO)
Feel free to ignore, of course -- it's meant to help you.

BACKED with best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

An interesting concept for a main character. I wish you well K.J.

Love the cover. Good character rappor you have got, esp with Janet/Mike. Nice twist as well. BACKED.
If you have time to look at my young childrens adventure - paperbats, thanks. Jerry [paperbat]

Love the title. The pitch is both amusing and enticing. Laughter abounds

This, I love on some many levels
Right from the aesthetic of the cover down to the style, the content and the dialogue
A simple premise executed almost flawlessly
well played

I think setting your main character up as a funeral director and amateur detective is brilliant! Who would get bored with a character like that? He's very interesting, great job on that. The story itself is wonderful too, different and very vivid. I think your writing style feels very polished and special, it's a voice that stands out among the thousands on this site, you recognize that right away. The humor just adds a nice little touch too. Enjoyed this a lot.

Missy

Hi Adam, Mike's emotional tenor and his eluding inquiry ensnared me. The description of the hospital, his nausea were nicely rendered. And the pace is good getting to the scene with Mr. Palmer. This was a spellbinder, leading to the moment with the pillow and Mike's lack of sentiment then, only action. It's a strong outset with the obligations to Amy and the synopsis promises more of these character-driven scenes. Happy to shelve - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I just loved the flat, subtle humour - a batch of vomit - the first sentence about the undertaker in the hospital. Brilliant. Will bear a return to read more! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

This is excellent! So frigging funny! You are certainly a talented writer and the tongue in cheek humour you have weaved through the prose is spot on! Id buy this though based solely on title and cover art - which I would guess nine out of ten readers would pick this up from the shelf as well. If I were a publisher Id be dialing your number.
Is that a real honeycomb or a digital image?? Just wondering cause it's perfect.

Liz
The Cheech Room

I don't know if it is an actual piece of cereal but I really hope it is.

This is excellent! So frigging funny! You are certainly a talented writer and the tongue in cheek humour you have weaved through the prose is spot on! Id buy this though based solely on title and cover art - which I would guess nine out of ten readers would pick this up from the shelf as well. If I were a publisher Id be dialing your number.
Is that a real honeycomb or a digital image?? Just wondering cause it's perfect.

Liz
The Cheech Room

13 August 2010
My first incongruous thought as I read the pitch was that a high body count in a small town would not be such bad news for possibly the only funereal director. The hitch preventing Mike's unrequited love from being returned was ace and I determined to read. Whether it is intentional or not the mental imagery conjured up by 'fighting jeans' made me chuckle. I like the concept which is ably developed into a plausible plot. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Holy Shhh.

The story moves at a good clip, without waffling over unnecessary descriptions, and the style is what I would, at my age at least, consider ‘cool’ – it emanates youth and youthfulness without compromising maturity!

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Dear Adam
the book cover is amazing just amazing.those little bbbbbbbb ...in your cereal. Your short pitch just completely sold me your book, so in my local book store i would pick this up and read the first sentence and pay the cashier. CONGRATS. Even in your long pitch you created right away your MC and I took him into my head, you used words to paint a perfect picture and animated him and he is not staying with me. SO WONDERFUL so well crafted such talent. I have to back this book and the oroginal story.
I have not read all your writing, but i do wish to support your climb so will back this now and possibly comment a bit further on.
BACKED by me for sure,
I do hope you will take time to comment on my book, comments are so important to me, and if you feel so, back it. If not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

This is fantastic. Your writing is crytsalline and shines from the screen. I loved every word.

From the very first line, which is an hilarious start, best I have ever read, you are straight into the sparkling language. A funeral director called Mr Keeper is wonderful.

The discomfort of the lift is brilliantly designed and perfectly executed.

You have wit that bounces from your language and that language is as good as I have ever read (not just on this site). Sometimes I believe that writers of comedy have to be ever better than those of other genres because it is judged on the writing as well as the humour and both are seemingly held to a higher standard. You surmount that standard easily.

BACKED

I think my only critique at this point is that some of the language didn't translate culturally for me, an American reader. words like "sod" and "tinterhooks," though I understand them, feel awkward and slow my mind down to go through a cultural filter. This may be immaterial if your aim is an audience in the UK primarily, but folks in the US will find it challenging. might go for an American editor to give it a once-over if your aim is the states.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Adam:
As one who has written both a humor book and a suspense thriller novel, I'm fascinated by your combination of the two genres. I'm always impressed by someone who can write comedy well (i may be biased but I think it's the hardest writing to do), and I also enjoy when someone like yourself can take the edge off an otherwise serious theme and lighten it up. An enjoyable read that leaves curious about what happens next; always a good thing!
Best of luck with your book.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

All the comments so far have been heaped with praise. That can be good but it isn't great for critique. So the next person to comment, I want you to tell me what is terrible about my book. Don't hold back just tell me what you believe is really, really, really bad about it and I will back you. I would prefer improvements than praise. But you can keep with the praise as well. It is very nice also.

This has thhe imprint of a TV series all over it. :) Great entertainment.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Thanks, Adam. Glad it was useful. Just one small thing - I like your pitch very much, but a killer would have to be 'deadly' and I think that word sounds a bit jokey and weakens the impact of 'killer' in the sentence.

Dear Adam, I love your pitch because it tells all of the twists in your story - & what an intriguing story it is! :) Never a dull moment which makes for an exciting read. :) Your paragraphs & dialogue are crisp, so it moves it right along for a fast easy enjoyable read. :) Hope you write many more books, too. I've backed your book - hope you'll back my 2. :) Love, Susie :)

Good voice and pace, and though I wasn't keen on the word 'putrid' in the opening, I found Mike engagng, and the story intriguing and unpredictable.

Near the end of page two, when Janet storms in and there are 'two of us' I got a bit confused, not clear who this other person, the narrator who is suddenly part of the scene and telling the story, could be. Then later, in the comment about gingerbread men not being voodoo dolls, so it's okay to snap off their legs, you have 'I said'; and I was going back trying to figure out who 'I' was. Janet shakes Mike's hand, but the other person doesn't seem to be visible to her - I'm sure I must be missing something here! Anyway, the writing is wry and fresh, the setting is vivid, the dialogue is sharp and interesting, and the story's moving along very intriguingly .

The narration is third person so the narrator isn't there. Thank you for pointing these mistakes out for me. I'm going to edit them straight away. You deserve a backing for helping me. Thank You.

Well-pitched, well-written, and an entertaining read. Backed.

Rodney

Good voice and pace, and though I wasn't keen on the word 'putrid' in the opening, I found Mike engagng, and the story intriguing and unpredictable.

Near the end of page two, when Janet storms in and there are 'two of us' I got a bit confused, not clear who this other person, the narrator who is suddenly part of the scene and telling the story, could be. Then later, in the comment about gingerbread men not being voodoo dolls, so it's okay to snap off their legs, you have 'I said'; and I was going back trying to figure out who 'I' was. Janet shakes Mike's hand, but the other person doesn't seem to be visible to her - I'm sure I must be missing something here! Anyway, the writing is wry and fresh, the setting is vivid, the dialogue is sharp and interesting, and the story's moving along very intriguingly .