Book Jacket

 

rank 4837
word count 11538
date submitted 20.08.2010
date updated 21.08.2010
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Fortunate Death of Jackson Burrows

Ian Blakeney

Jackson Burrows was ready for death. Stumbling into a mystery that threatened the fundamentals of the Afterworld on his first day gone, not so much.

 

Death is patient. Life, on the other hand, is short and often a bit of a disappointment. It is no surprise then that the Afterworld is a bit of a wild place. Filled with creatures, civilizations, ideas and knowledge from the infinite amalgam of Motifs (realities), it is a smorgasbord of bustling activity in the dead variety. Everything had been running smoothly, that was until someone discovered that the rules and assumptions of life no longer applied, and that the immortal keepers in charge of monitoring The Afterworld were too busy taking coffee breaks and watching the silly ways the living came to premature ends to do anything about it. And so Jackson Burrows, on his first day of his post-life, arrives to find himself at the wrong place at a crucial time. Thrown into the shoes of the surrogate of Death, Jackson finds himself smack in the middle of a mysterious series of events that could forever fracture the Afterworld! Fortunately, he isn't alone at the helm of such a task, thanks to the assistance of a well-dressed mythical inventory manager, an over-worked unshaven god, a surrogate of justice, and an unexpected ally (which is saying something).

 
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tags

, afterworld, central reaping, death, douglas adams, grim reaper, humor, jackson burrows, reaper, satire, silly, terry prachette

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33 comments

 

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Richard Maitland wrote 1011 days ago

A sound piece of writing advice is: "Start the story where the story begins", and for me that came with the beginning of Chapter 3 -- "I don't mean to intrude, but weren't there supposed to be ... bright lights?"

The first two chapters -- whilst no doubt cherished by the author, and even reasonably interesting in their own right -- did little or nothing to induce me to read on, and in fact made me rather impatient to get to the meat of the story. It was rather like opening the front door to a visitor in the depths of winter; someone who stands on the doormat wiping his feet for an interminably long time (and letting all the warm air out) -- you simply wish he'd get on with it and come in, muddy boots or not.

So my recommendation, Ian, is that you harden your heart against the Prologue and following chapter and, as I said above, start the book where the story begins. You clearly have an inventive and well structured premise, and I am sure there is much to enjoy in the tale, but since most readers on Authonomy (and certainly any passing agents trawling the site for talent) will read no more than a chapter of The Fortunate Death, you are doing your work a disservice -- and jeopardising your chances of hooking the browsing reader -- by hiding the story behind a mass of irrelevance.

I'd also suggest you have a wonderfully inviting Short Pitch in the lines: "This is a story about Death. And popcorn."

Less is always More.

Beval wrote 1015 days ago

Deliciously macabre and wonderfully cynical.

Strayer wrote 1015 days ago

I read all 7 chapters and would read the rest of the book. It is an interesting take on incompetence, even in death. Thanks for writing this.

Jaye Hill wrote 1015 days ago

Enoyed what I read immensely and am only sorry that there isn't more. Can't suggest much to improve it - the Pratchett like intro goes on a wee bit, but the humour is cumulative so perhaps that's a good thing! All the best Will back Jaye Hill The Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven

EsmeCarpenter wrote 1025 days ago

This is like Hitchhiker's Guide, but more gruesome, and with more Death. Very funny, very gripping - the short chapters work well to keep the reader's attention. I was slightly confused in chapter 3, but then again I suppose you're meant to be.

Not sure about the prologue. That too was confusing. Some parts were great, and others I wanted to skip.

Esme C
'The Summoner'

Deleted_Characters wrote 1027 days ago

I only looked at your book because your title is similar to mine!

The premise is interesting, so I will have a read over the weekend.

Lisa Scullard wrote 1028 days ago

Found you recommended on the forum a few days back - glad I did :) I can see why the others who've read and plugged it are so keen. Nice one :)

Best wishes, Lisa (Death And The City)

eurodan49 wrote 1029 days ago

Your pitch intrigued me and so I started to read.
The prologue/monologue establishes your voice but doesn’t do much for the story.
Ch 1. You keep narration under control (I like that) and move the story through dialogue.
Ch 2. You do your share of “showing” and the pace’s not boring.
Ch 3. Okay, I get the tone. While it’s fine by me, some might find it too tongue in cheek.
I’m backing it…good luck
Dan

soutexmex wrote 1029 days ago

Ian: do apologize for this spam comment but I did BACK your book. Though my book is currently on the Ed's Desk, I can still use your comments on my book before the end of this month. Thanks - cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Jave E. wrote 1029 days ago

You've got such a brilliant and engaging voice when you write. It's amazing how the beginning chapter was so awkwardly entertaining, yet you still subtly managed to present your rather offbeat sense of genius in a humorous way. And I'm not gonna comment here about how you remind me of so-and-so or this-and-that, but I am gonna tell you I'm truly a fan of your own original work. So keep it up!

Jave
Live, Learn, Love

Jaye Hill wrote 1029 days ago

Derivative would be unkind but certainly a big debt to Pratchett and Adams - and none the worse for that since we1 all love 'em. However, while we all adore the digressions it would be nice to have something apart from the |Afterword to digress from in Chapter 1. Just a teensie teensie hint of a sympatheitic character somewhere in there? No, well all right then I'll certainly back it anyway! Best wishes Jaye Hill, The Fantasy Trip

Kid A wrote 1029 days ago

I read everything you've posted. This reminds me of Reaper Man, Mort, and pretty much any other Discworld novel where Death has a major part. Some of your one-liners are Pratchetty too: ' ...during which the entire history of the infinity of Motifs went unrecorded, on account of a delicious slice of chocolate cake...', the cheescake analogy in Chapter1 You introduce your concepts really well and in a way that doesn't feel forced. Your vocabulary is excellent, and really adds colour to your writing.
The one area that I think could be improved upon slightly is your descriptive writing. In Chapter 2, it wasn't always so clear where the shadowy character was. I understand the need for mystery, but the description of its surroundings had me struggling to picture what exactly was happening. The action in Chapter 3, with Jack falling over the desk and looking sideways at the desks that stretch almost to infinity was equally hard to picture. Similarly the action in Chapter 6, with Rolf riding Jacks back wasn't clear. I personally would like more than a few Ows, thuds, cracks and tentacles flailing everywhere to paint the picture for me. I'm still not sure how they ended up in the room.
Please don't let these comments leave you in any doubt as to the way I feel about The Fortunate Death of Jackson Burrows. This is up there with the best I've read on this site. I like the interplay between Jackson and Rolf (though why the tentacled bugger would have the cheek to gob slime over Jack's head after being piggy-backed for an eternity I'll never know), and I Loved your exposition concerning the Lost Quarters. And while I've compared you to Terry Pratchett, your characters are all your own. Top Stuff. Well done.

Andy M. Potter wrote 1029 days ago

Ian, great voice: immediate, unique, strong. got me. and the storyline ain't bad either.
on my shelf. love the sly humour.
best wishes, andy

klouholmes wrote 1030 days ago

Hi Ian, The way this is presented got me in the mood for the physics and the finality of death – the examples were interesting. And then when Jackson tried to drink liquid and it came out of his bullet holes, the scene was eerie and not very amenable. You’ve created a surreal sort of experience here and it’s very intriguing. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

zan wrote 1031 days ago

The Fortunate Death of Jackson Burrows

Ian Blakeney

You have a very curious title to start with - I think people will be drawn to this book initially simply because of your title - I was. I never think as a death as fortunate - unless maybe the deceased is a Hitler type. Some nice ideas in your plot - which is a recommendation in itself. I also found the writing competent. Best of luck.

andrew skaife wrote 1031 days ago

The prologue and first chapter are probably too much alike Pratchett to be allowed to stay that way. You do write well and possibly have never read Pratchett but if you haven't, you should. There is a typo in chapter three; "He tor(n) off the buttons.".

You are well trained in writing and obviously have the humour to carry this narrative.

Cheers.

BACKED

Andrew Burans wrote 1031 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique story about death and the afterworld nicely sprinkled with humour. Your Prologue sets both the tone and premise for your story extremely well. I really like your use of the first person narrative voice and your character development of Jackson is excellent. This and your descriptive writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Craig Ellis wrote 1031 days ago

This is a unique and entertaining read. You've built some wonderful characters and an intersting world. I thought the prologue could have been shortened, an perhaps made more clear. It does ramble somewhat early on.

Still, I enjoyed the book. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Barry Wenlock wrote 1031 days ago

Hi Ian, I hate to say it, but Terry Pratchett did spring to mind. Loved the cheese references and time going backwards. Great characters - Plimmy is brilliant.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

JD Revene wrote 1032 days ago

Ian,

This is an unusual read. My first reaction is James Joyce met Douglas Adams.

Chapter two, I was confused by the line:

Get hold of yourself, the shrouded figure berated. You're a professional, dammit! Act like one and get the job done.

I wonder if it shouldn't have had quotation marks:

"Get hold of yourself," the shrouded figure berated. "You're a professional, dammit! Act like one and get the job done."

Otherwise, three chapters in and little struck me to comment on.

This is certainly out of the usual-at least in terms of my reading--but it's well written.

Backed.

lizjrnm wrote 1032 days ago

Gifted imagination andtalented writingmake this a compelling read! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Walden Carrington wrote 1032 days ago

Ian,
The Fortunate Death of Jackson Burrows is an enthralling tale I never could have imagined. I suppose that's why I don't write in the fantasy genre, but I am in awe of the brilliant imaginations of those who do. Backed with pleasure.

Burgio wrote 1032 days ago

FORTUNATE DEATH
This is a wild and crazy story. The idea of the Afterworld being such a mixed up place is good plotting. You’ve created a good main character in Jackson; he’s likable; the kind of character a reader wants to follow to see how all of this plays out for him. On top of that, you have an engaging writing style; a good mix of dialogue and description that keeps this always moving forward. Makes it a good read (even tho I didn’t get popcorn). I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Jim Darcy wrote 1032 days ago

Good rainy day read, full of quirks and memorable characters.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Owen Quinn wrote 1032 days ago

cool premise and a really enjoyable story, you have a vivd imagination and this is filled with pratchett like creations that each have their own distinct characters and voices.

Lynne Ellison wrote 1032 days ago

A hilarious read, and a very imaginative piece of fiction. This deseves to go far!

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1032 days ago

You will inevitably be compared to Terry Pratchett and in particular to 'Mort' with this. In fact the first chapter is very similar to the foot-notes he uses to explain some obscure point or aside. You must already be aware of this and I assume that the plot will develop beyond it but those comparisons of the start will haunt you and may put off a publisher. This is a shame because you have a lot to offer and loads of potential. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

paperbat wrote 1032 days ago

Best new book of the day, for me! Read the few chapters you loaded. My only suggestion is 'watch the pacing' of the dialogue sometimes. BACKED .
I would appreciate such an master commenting on my humble offering; childrens book called The Paperbat Adventures. Back it or trash it !
Jerry - paperbat

Robert Clear wrote 1032 days ago

Hi Ian

Thanks again for the comments, really helpful. I think your work is very good; the subject is interesting and the pace and narrative are clear. This is just a minor thought, but as I was reading through I wondered if it would be better for the book to start at the point where you say "This is a story about Death. And Popcorn" and for the stuff that comes before to be fed in afterwards. It's such a punchy statement, and it sounded to me like a really good opener. The material that comes before is really engaging, though, especially the movement backwards to the first moment of existence.

Very good read and happy to back it.

(By the way, I noticed a typo on page 3: "he torn off the buttons")

NeilColquhoun wrote 1032 days ago

Hi
I like this first chapter. There's hints of what's to come.
I'll read the rest and comment further.
Meanwhile, your book is on my watchlist.
Kind regards
Neil

writerwithacause wrote 1033 days ago

I like your direct approach to writing. Excellent pitch and prologue. Backed. Lisa

name falied moderation wrote 1033 days ago

Dear Ian

loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 1033 days ago

Dear Ian, I love your humor of after death :) - it should be so good. :) Great write. :) Your pitch & crisp dialogue & paragraphs drew me in to keep reading. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

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