Book Jacket

 

rank 5907
word count 28951
date submitted 01.10.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

Wealthy Young Widows

Ronald Dan'by

War veteran returns home to work as Special Investigator checking out suspicious insurance claims and finds it more dangerous than his six years fighting Germans?

 

A TALE FULL OF MYSTERY
&
CRIMINAL INTENT

Ex-naval 2nd war veteran Daniel Ronney (better known as Danny) returns to civilian life and takes up a post of ‘Special Investigator” for insurance companies that are being asked to pay out huge sums of money on suspected bogus claims.
It is his job to establish whether or not these claims are authentic, and discovers that invariably many are not.
Proving them to be un-lawful though, and at the same time managing to stay alive long enough in the attempt. has become for him almost a daily challenge.

Occurring in the Yorkshire / Northumberland heartland’s during the late 1940’s, he is given the job of ascertaining the true facts about suspicious insurance claims from newly widowed ladies.
As the truth unfolds, disturbing repeated attempts are being made on his life, and his plans for marriage are being jeopardized.

 
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tags

, 1948, crime, fiction, girlfriends, northumberland, yorkshire

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8 comments

 

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Alan D Harris wrote 1411 days ago

You have a good plot with believable characters and you weave the story well. On the down side you could do with some serious tightening up of some aspects.
1. superfluous repetition: in the first sentence the entire phrase 'stressing the importance of the opportunity on offer.' is a rephrasing of 'emphasised' It adds no new information and is therefore unnecessary.
Then 'turned out to be exceptionally hair-raising' does not need to be followed by ' with plenty of hazardous events to say the least.' That also adds no new information and can be dropped.
2. Try turning the 'he saids/she saids' into something more active: 'answered Danny with feeling' becomes 'sighed Danny.'
3. Tighten up the Points of View. Everybody seems to have one. The text reads better if there is only one POV character per chapter or subsection.
That said, this is a well conceived story, and the most important gift of any author is the ability to dream up an original plot and story, All the rest is mechanical and learnable.
Backed.
You might like to apply the same level of criticism to my book
Alan Donaghue – Action!

Linda Lou wrote 1510 days ago

Hullo Ronald. Very good story and plot. Continue on. You are backed. don't forget my book.

Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421


Linda Lou wrote 1510 days ago

Hullo Ronald. Very good story and plot. Continue on. You are backed. don't forget me

Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421


Nick Poole2 wrote 1521 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

danny boy wrote 1922 days ago

Dear FMK,

I welcome and take on board your comments. Thank you. Danny

FMK wrote 1922 days ago

Danny, I agree with David about the dialogue. If you read some of the fiction that is in the top 5 or even 20, you will see how they allow the dialogue to 'breathe' allowing the character to tell his or her story, and leaving something to the imagination. Also, this could stand a look-see by an editor for things like punctuation. But in the rough I think you have a good command at telling a story. Once the semantics are out of the way, you should be good to go!

danny boy wrote 2026 days ago

Thanks David. Points noted.

David B wrote 2027 days ago

I've been told there's no need to add tags such as emphaised or reasoned. The words say it all. Also dialogue has to be particular to each character, the word choice, way of speaking evocate the character better than a description. interesting premise for a book.

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