Book Jacket

 

rank 184
word count 13541
date submitted 23.08.2010
date updated 27.04.2013
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's, Young...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Secrets Of The Forest - 'Cosmos 501'

Neville Kent

Dangers confront Esmeralda and young Tommy, after discovering ‘Cosmos 501’ in the garden.
*Second book in the series* ‘The Secrets Of The Forest' .

 

Twelve- year- old- Tommy, continues to learn more as he delves into Esmeralda’s mysterious and wonderful ‘Red Book.’ A strange door appears after the ground collapses in Esmeralda’s garden, leading to Cosmos 501 and first contact with the crackling voice.
They re- visit The Keeper of the Forest asking for any help he can give regarding Cosmos 501.
Mr. Keeper explains the setting up of the ‘Time Zone’ by past visitor’s to Earth. The trio gain access to the ‘All seeing eye’ and learn of the powerful force behind it all.
Contact with a higher life form? Yes, it’s all possible on this visit.
Esmeralda, Tommy, and Saber the cat, travel once again on the underground network system but for different reasons than they had before.
Tommy’s second visit to see Mr. Keeper is fraught with danger. They seek answers to serious questions about the very nature of the ‘Time Zone’.

'Cosmos 501 is complete. Only the first 12 Chapters have been uploaded for viewing.

 
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11 to 14 yrs old, adventure, children, compelling, easy reading, fantasy, intrigue, magic, mystery, natural remedies, scifi, series, thrilling, tiger,...

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Chapters

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                                                       Chapter 8

                                      Ready for work

Tommy woke having had a rather bad night’s sleep, tossing and turning dreaming of giant worms coming down the chimney.  It was daylight and he was keen to get over to Esmeralda’s and start the clear up operation.  After a good stretch he was dressed and downstairs in a flash.  He suddenly remembered as well that he needed a rope and mustn’t forget it before he leaves.

Thought I heard a movement up stairs, Tommy’s gran said with a laugh as he came into the kitchen.  There’s one thing about you, Tommy Wilkes, if you’ve got something interesting waiting, you’re up like a shot; if it’s a school day I have to near drag you out of bed sometimes.  Then again I was the same when I was your age so don’t feel too bad about it, she said smiling.

Gran, do you think we have an old clothes line anywhere, before I forget?

Err…yes I do believe there’s one hanging up in the outside garden shed if I’m not mistaken but it’s a bit frayed in parts, she went on.  What the devil do you want that for? Anyway get yourself washed and I’ll have a cup of tea ready for you, plenty of time to do things after you’ve had your breakfast. 

It wasn’t long before he was back again, looking like a new pin, as his gran would say.

There we go, Tommy, she said passing him a cup of tea as he came back.  Your breakfast will only be ten minutes; I thought we’d have egg- on- toast today for a change, if you toast the bread I’ll get two eggs ready, I’ve cut the slices of bread.  They’re on a plate on the table.

Tommy took the brass Toasting Fork from where it hung at the side of the fireplace and pushed a round of bread onto the fork end.  He held it at arm’s length so the bread was close to the fire which was burning nicely.  He watched it get brown.  When one side was toasted, he took it off and turned it round to do the other side.  All together he toasted four rounds of bread which were thickly cut.

In the meantime his gran had put the eggs in a saucepan of water near to the top of the fire where they simmered away nicely

By gum, Tommy, I do love the smell of fresh toast, his gran said, buttering the first round which melted quickly on the hot toast. Finish the others and I’ll take the eggs off, they’re nearly done now.

She took a spoon and scooped each egg out of the hot water and into an egg cup for each of them.

They both sat at the table, Tommy took his egg out of the egg cup, tapping it with the back of his spoon before peeling the shell off and placing the egg on the toast.

That’s lucky, Tommy, you’ve got a double yoked egg there; you may be in for a good day today, my lad, she said taking the shell off of her own egg.

Well I hope so, Gran, because we’ve got a lot to do to try and clear that cave- in at Esmeralda’s I can tell you.

Ah, you’ll manage it, you’re only young yet, it’s us old folks who have trouble now and again to do things that we used to find easy at one time.

After finishing his breakfast and having a second cup of tea, Tommy was more than keen to get going.  He was half way to the garden shed to get the rope before his gran had cleared the breakfast pots away.

I dont know, always in a rush that lad is, never a second to loose, he makes me dizzy at times, she laughed to herself, putting the pots in the sink.

Tommy took the old clothes line off of the nail where it hung behind the shed door.  He examined it for wear and it was good enough for what he wanted it for.  He decided to cut a length off with a pair of garden shears, he didn’t need it all.

That should do the job, he thought going back into the house.  I’m ready for the off then Gran, must get going,” he said slipping an old coat on.

Oh, time waits for no man, she replied giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.  Watch what you’re doing then and don’t get hurting yourself trying to do everything at once.   If you take your time you’ll get things done far quicker than you think.  There’s an old Chinese proverb, The candle that burns so bright, lasts half as long’.  It’s something I’ve always remembered and tried to stick by.  She walked to the front door with him.  You’re sure now that you don’t want to take any sandwiches with you; it’s a long day you know?

No, its okay, Gran; Esmeralda said she’ll take care of seeing that we get something to eat.

His gran stood at the door, arms folded, with a grin on her face, he doesn’t like to be kissed, but he got one all the same.

She watched him as he left, the rope slung over one shoulder; he was certainly growing up she thought and the difference it had made to him since meeting up with Esmeralda was nothing short of a miracle, being able to walk and such like.

Tommy carried on through the forest with confidence; he was getting to know the route to Esmeralda’s cottage pretty well by now the odd fallen tree area’s where the sun got through the overhead canopy lighting up a group of beech trees.   These all made for a sign that he was on the right path.

As he got nearer to the cottage, he noticed that he wasn’t alone after all.   The magpie had been following him for some time, hopping from tree to tree as he made his way along.   As he reached the edge of the forest, with the cottage in sight, he watched as it flew ahead of him landing on the roof.

He didn’t have to knock on the door; it opened as he got nearer.

Hi, Tommy.  Thought I’d send the magpie to check on you just to be sure you were ok, glad you could make it today, hope you’re grans alright about you coming. 

Saber was on the doorstep now, not wishing to miss anything as usual.

Oh grans okay about it; in fact she’s more worried about how you were after falling in the hole yesterday.  I explained everything and she wishes you well.

That’s very nice of her, if it’s possible I’d like to meet her sometime and we could have a good chat about the old times.

Oh, she’d love that I know she would, she doesn’t get to meet a lot of people, I suppose she’s like you really, happy with her own company…. not forgetting myself of course.

Esmeralda smiled as the pair entered the cottage to discuss how they were to set about clearing the soil out of the hole and investigate the strange door that had appeared.   Saber followed them inside.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

8

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Lin55 wrote 118 days ago

Hi Neville, I have read the first three chapters of Secrets of The Forest. It's lovely! When I read children's books on authonomy I like to imagine I'm reading it to my Grandaughter who is almost six. I know she would be as enthralled with this as I am.
Your smoothness and ease of reading is enviable, it drips off the tongue and the dialogue sounds wonderful as I read outloud.
Since it is the second book in a series, I did wonder if what I read would stand alone, it does. You have introduced enough back story in these first chapters to make the read interesting, intriguing and nothing stops the story pushing forward. In fact it makes it all the more page turning.
I love your characters, I suppose I would as a grandmother myself, mind you I haven't reached 150 yet. What a great character Esmeralda is!
The only place I could see myself being pulled up as I read was the sentence about electricity only just having arrived. I can imagine Maya, my granddaughter asking me to explain, and I wouldn't know if you meant it had only just been invented. Hope that makes sense.
As I said, this is a great read.
High stars and will stay on my WL. I can't back it at the moment, as I don't really want to swap my shelf around too often, and I'm still new to authonomy, but it's one I will consider in the future.
Lin
A Pride of Souls

Matthew_JD_Evans wrote 148 days ago

Hello Neville,

I must say reading this made me second guess my skill as a writer for a moment, your charters are nothing less than enchanting and though I've only read the first chapter so far I am reminded as you indicated somewhat in your message of stories I used to read as a child. Normally I would not jump straight to the second book of a series as normally doing so would prevent me from understanding the style, this is not the case for you it seems as it was easy for me to fall to a familiar and relaxed flow that I would normally get from reading the book of a writer I had known longer.

In terms of critique, I am sure as with most things there are small minor edits you may need to make but unfortunately I am not the best person to ask as spotting grammar and punctuation issues is a little hard for me.

All in all however from what I have read so far this is a wonderful story and would be wonderful addition to Children's genre, I will be sure to read more when I find the time.

I wish you the best of luck dear sir in reaching the editor's desk for a second time.

Matthew JD Evans
Trial of the Golden Puzzle Box

CoraMay wrote 139 days ago

Hello Neville,

Sorry it took so long to reply but I read 1-12. As I read your Novel, my inner child came forth in a way I couldn't explain. It was like I was six again reading a Peter Pan novel or an Alice in Wonderland book. Every word, Every thing in your book was unimaginably Spectacular. I was focused on Tommy and his journey, it was as if I was with tommy seeing what he sees. I shouted with joy, It was as if I was a hidden character a child exploring with my best friend unlocking a world of wonder and even now as I type this I can help but smilie. I want more, so much more that my inner me is jumping up and down shouting " what happens next! I want read more! "

This is literally the best, No this is not the best. Their is no word that can describe how truly a work of art this is.

I extremely enjoyed every sentence, and chapter of this Novel and I really will pray that someone will see this a d publish it because it deserves to be in the spot light and be read to children at bed time or any other time. Heck, I even read it to me nephew before he went to bed and he loved it so much he wanted me to tell you to send more so he can give it to his baby sister so she can enjoy it ha ha!

Thanks for sharing this perfect 6\6 for me!

EMDelaney wrote 905 days ago

Hi Neville,

What a wonderful walk into the imaginative world of these characters. I felt my childlike innocense returning as I read. Your characters are strong and should should appeal to children well. That said, heck, they appealed to me! LOL.

In critique, I would say that a pro edit is in order. I'm sure you are aware of that. I noticed some punctuation issues here and there, a couple of misspelled words and at times, an over usage of certain ads and pros. Again, nothing serious, as it is children's material, I realize words / phrases such as these are more commonplace when writing for children.

The structure of your two stories is good. You have a unique gift that I would think we all share a hidden desire to capture. Your imagination is wonderful!!! Absolutely wonderful. The creativity in designing and bringing these characters to life is interesting.

Best of luck sir in your efforts to bring these stories to the night stands of children all over the world. I could picture these stories being read by a third grade teacher to students in school everywhere.

Emmett
(E M Delaney)
-THE VIRUS

Coming Soon:
MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP

Stark Silvercoin wrote 755 days ago

The Secrets Of The Forest - 'Cosmos 501' is the second book in The Secrets Of The Forest series. I loved the first book based on the strength of author Neville Kent’s descriptive prose. Having set the mood with the first one, this one sort of dives right into the story a bit more quickly, and I think it’s even better than the first, though they are both six star novels to be sure.

The genius of Kent’s writing is that it can be enjoyed on many different levels. Younger people and middle-grade readers will find a fascinating story that they can easily comprehend filled with imagination and wonder. It’s the type of story that children will remember finding well into their adult lives as cherished childhood memory. Adults will find this too, but also will discover somewhat deeper meaning in the stories. In short, it can be enjoyed by children of all ages, even if your age is approaching the upper end of the scale.

The first twelve chapters posted here show excellent pacing, fit for a sequel. Someone new jumping into the series won’t be left out in the dark either. Cosmos 501 is a self-contained story of its own. But you would not blame them for scrambling to find the first one. Publishers will want to sign the entire series. Neville Kent proves that he’s not a one hit wonder with this second book. Instead, he could become one of the great children’s book authors of our time.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Sarah.Fay wrote 48 days ago

Hi Neville!
I read four more chapters today and I still really like it! I look forward to finding out what's in that door and I'm curious as to if Tommy's gran will end up wanting to get the electricity. Looks like there is some change coming up for their lives. I'm giving you some shelf space and will read more soon!

Sarah
Sapphire

Sarah.Fay wrote 51 days ago

Hey Neville!
I have read the first 4 chapters and I really like it. Your style is very easy to follow which of course is good for children's books. The only thing I could point out was that in chapter 3, Saber was on the windowsill but then joined them by the fire--chapter 4, Saber was back by the window. Other than that, it's great! I'll read more soon!
Sarah
Sapphire

Tracie Podger wrote 58 days ago

Neville, I'm going off you now! I thought I would take a quick peak while dinner was cooking and before I knew it I had finished and now anxiously wanting to know more. How could you, you cruel man, leaving us hanging like this :)

It's a great story, I loved Gran describing all the ways electricity would ruin her food, the yorkshire puddings especially, the reluctance to having modern appliances. The characters are really likeable, the relationship between Tommy and Esmerelda is good and I am left wondering exactly who she is, she has a cat, a bird and is 150 years old! This is going to be a cracker, for sure and after the end of the month I'm backing it. I'll keep it on my WL for now and hopefully you will revert back to the nice gentleman you are and post a few more chapters!

Enchanting wrote 68 days ago

I like the concept of a Nan and her grandchild. It took me a little while to get into the flow of this book -and that could just be me but it definitely has potential and I will be reading more soon.
Please do have a look at my 'The Queen fish' when you have a moment to spare. Its a work in progress.

Su Dan wrote 82 days ago

great idea from the start; you use a clear narrative that works well, and a dialogue that compliments...
backed...
read SEASONS...

bjack wrote 85 days ago

So the story continues. I love the dialogue, the characters, and the story. This is definitely worthy of publication and would be a delightful read-to or chapter book for kids. It's refreshing to find uplifting and "nice" books for kids to read. So much of what's out there is sinister and dark. This is a keeper! Did I tell you, I like it? bj www.bettyjackson.net and Job Loss: What's Next?

Tonya C wrote 97 days ago

Neville, I read the first two chapters of Secrets of the Forest. You did a fantastic job! I love the relationship between Tommy and Gran. You could really see it as you read the first chapter. I am giving you high stars for a great Junior Ficition story. I am not sure about all the rules of authonomy since I am new but I am going to add you to my watch list.
Nice Job!
Tonya

Seringapatam wrote 98 days ago

Neville, I like to dabble in childrens books from time to time as I have written six myself. I love adult ideas when it comes to childrens books and you do it well my friend. It is hard to be a young person in a book as an adult but again you have captured it right. So well done with this. Very interesting, nice pace, great descriptive voice. Love it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks, Sean

David1970 wrote 98 days ago

Hi Neville. I read the first three chapters and will definately be reading the rest of the book. Great imagery and story telling. I was captivated from the beginning and the chapters are not that long which is good. And I'm wondering about that secret door.
High stars
David
Time Machine Takeaway

M Morgan wrote 103 days ago

Just read the first three chapters, enchanting. They flowed along in style, with characters that are immediately interesting. Very enjoyable.

Ryne Tipton wrote 104 days ago

I really like this! A very good children's story I think and it's got everything that it needs. Simple imagery, simple language, but powerful and beautiful nonetheless. Keep on writing...I'll have to read more of this and go a little bit more in detail on my thoughts when I have the time! Please read Song of the South in return! It would be greatly appreciated if you gave some feedback! Thanks, Ryne.

Chipper10 wrote 106 days ago

Hi Neville, great start. You have improved the draft alot and I congrate you on your hard effort. It is starting to pay off.

Starred for sure.

Best wishes,
Chipper Newman

Bob-e wrote 107 days ago

Your story is smooth and slowly pulls the reader in to another world. I like the back story to the first book.

Bruce Vaughan wrote 109 days ago

Hi Neville, I just read the 12 chapters' A very easy and enjoyable read. I found a few typos which you may have already noted, but anyway here they are: Chapter 6, 'excited' exited? 'that's settles it' 'we'll have good go at it' Chap 9 'I know there (they're?)a bit off putting' Chap 11 'I need to talk to you whoever you are("). You've got my backing.
Bruce

D. S. Hale wrote 112 days ago

Neville, I was reading your story as a swap, and got caught up in the story, and glad you asked me to read it. I am giving you high stars and putting you on my WL, and soon my shelf! You have the skill for writing for children, and know how to spin a great tale! Good luck with this series, and may you find an editor/agent ready to take you under their wing to the great journey of publication!

Sincerely,

Donna
Jessup and the Teleporter

Lin55 wrote 118 days ago

Hi Neville, I have read the first three chapters of Secrets of The Forest. It's lovely! When I read children's books on authonomy I like to imagine I'm reading it to my Grandaughter who is almost six. I know she would be as enthralled with this as I am.
Your smoothness and ease of reading is enviable, it drips off the tongue and the dialogue sounds wonderful as I read outloud.
Since it is the second book in a series, I did wonder if what I read would stand alone, it does. You have introduced enough back story in these first chapters to make the read interesting, intriguing and nothing stops the story pushing forward. In fact it makes it all the more page turning.
I love your characters, I suppose I would as a grandmother myself, mind you I haven't reached 150 yet. What a great character Esmeralda is!
The only place I could see myself being pulled up as I read was the sentence about electricity only just having arrived. I can imagine Maya, my granddaughter asking me to explain, and I wouldn't know if you meant it had only just been invented. Hope that makes sense.
As I said, this is a great read.
High stars and will stay on my WL. I can't back it at the moment, as I don't really want to swap my shelf around too often, and I'm still new to authonomy, but it's one I will consider in the future.
Lin
A Pride of Souls

abbydarlaaanne wrote 122 days ago

I think you've set this story up in a really clever and interesting way. Your writing reveals just enough about the characters and plot to be clear but also to keep the reader hooked! High stars
Abby

R.d wrote 123 days ago

Innocence in the child....that's something you don't get to see very often anymore, really loved the characters..both of them..very realistic settings too.

JB Wilson wrote 129 days ago

Hello Neville,

Well you have a gift for storytelling, I have been enjoying the story of Tommy quite a bit more than I probably should, but hey, we are all kids at heart. Now I think you should revisit it with a red pen.

You say it is completed but really it could do with an edit or three. As I say to most people, the editing is where the writing takes place. You have a good story structure, good characters and a plot all laid out, now you need to edit to get the sentences as good as they can be. Find the right words. Delete bits. Add bits. Find what works and make them stand out, take out what doesn't work. It is a slog, but there is the craft.

I made some points below, I hope they help in some way to illustrate what I mean. These are just me observing through personal taste, ignore if you wish, I am not an expert.

Cheers
John



Tommy lifted the heavy black door knocker and knocked on the door twice...no reply.


knocker and knocked, not quite repetition but still pauses the flow a little. How about 'rapped on the door twice'. or 'let it fall twice with slow thuds.'

It doesn't always have to be said in one sentence:
Tommy lifted the heavy black door knocker and let it fall, the sound boomed beyond the door. He let it fall once more then looked through the window...


The magpie and the cat.

The mapie is referred to as the magpie, and the cat by name. You could mix it up a bit. On chapter two not sure if the bird has a name, but Tommy would know it by now if it has. Also, a young reader might benefit with a timely reminder that Saber is the cat. Better avoid starting a sentence with 'suddenly'.

Saber appeared as if from nowhere. The [ginger/black and white/somekindof] [cat/tom/tiger] led the way along the path with constant meowing and occasional glances back to where Tommy followed, now with a squawking magpie once again on his shoulders.


In the back garden, perhaps make it clearer that Tommy's point of view is blocked by tall weeds. I was wondering where the cobwebs were that he needed to clear away.

"Yes! I'm here, but where are you, Esmeralda?" asked a puzzled Tommy, staring into a patch of weeds taller than himsef.

"Well you won't be able to see me with all these ruddy wild things all over the place," she cried out, "The ground gave way and I'm in a ruddy great hole. Follow my voice then you will find me. I'm over here."


More repetition with the cat 'sat watching what was going on as she sat..."

Saber was watching intently, sitting by the very edge of the hole.

Using dialog to fill in backstory I find a bit of a cheat. Personal preference i suppose. See what you think..

"I'm sure you told me when I was here last that Damatrisa had a store room in the back garden somewhere many years ago."

Seems a bit convenient that Tommy was told on just his last visit of a store room many years ago. Can he not just ask the question:

"Isn't there a tool shed?" Perhaps adding, "My gran keeps her ladder in a tool shed."

Or even the reply, "Does it look like this garden has a ruddy tool shed?" ;)


Lastly, Tommy in the dusty tool shed, just an idea,

I don't want to hang around here more than I need to, he thought to himself, scratching his head, then his arm, then his knee, and his head again.




Sneaky Long wrote 133 days ago

Review of "The Secrets of the Forest - 'Cosmos 501' "

Hi Neville,

I've read your first three chapters. This is my first time reading your work. Your writing is very good and polished. Your setup is excellent and Chapter 4 promises to begin the tale you have spun. Your primary characters are Tommy, a twelve year old boy, Gran - Tommy's grandmother and Ezmeralda - a 150 yr. old forest dweller with powers to heal through potions made from items found in the forest. She has treated and cured a leg ailment which Tommy had from birth and has allowed him to walk normally.

I really liked this. There are editing issues which I believe have been addressed by others. But I like the way you have started the story and created the mystery and drama. We now have a door in a hole in the ground to explore. Very nice.

High stars and watch list. I will come back .

Sneaky Long,

TROPHY WIVES and CONFIRMED IN TIME

MiriamNConde wrote 136 days ago

This is a sweet story with well executed visual imagery. I love the magical elements mixed with the everyday life of Tommy and his companionship with Esmeralda. The tone reminded me a little of The Secret Garden. You earned high stars from me & a spot on my watchlist.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment.

MiriamNConde wrote 136 days ago

This is a sweet story with well executed visual imagery. I love the magical elements mixed with the the everyday life of Tommy and his companionship with Esmeralda. The tone reminded me a little of The Secret Garden. You earned high stars from me & a spot on my watchlist.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment.

MiriamNConde wrote 136 days ago

This is a sweet story with well executed visual imagery. I love the magical elements mixed with the the everyday life of Tommy and his companionship with Esmeralda. The tone reminded me a little of The Secret Garden. You earned high stars from me & a spot on my watchlist.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment.

emarie wrote 136 days ago

Neville, I'm enjoying your story so far (some of the terms are foreign to me being an American) but I can figure it out. I love Tea and generally tell people that I think I'm British, but it never occurred to me to murder it. lol. But I will make some later and kill the whole pot. Interesting story and I'll read more, thanks for inviting me.--emarie

CoraMay wrote 139 days ago

Hello Neville,

Sorry it took so long to reply but I read 1-12. As I read your Novel, my inner child came forth in a way I couldn't explain. It was like I was six again reading a Peter Pan novel or an Alice in Wonderland book. Every word, Every thing in your book was unimaginably Spectacular. I was focused on Tommy and his journey, it was as if I was with tommy seeing what he sees. I shouted with joy, It was as if I was a hidden character a child exploring with my best friend unlocking a world of wonder and even now as I type this I can help but smilie. I want more, so much more that my inner me is jumping up and down shouting " what happens next! I want read more! "

This is literally the best, No this is not the best. Their is no word that can describe how truly a work of art this is.

I extremely enjoyed every sentence, and chapter of this Novel and I really will pray that someone will see this a d publish it because it deserves to be in the spot light and be read to children at bed time or any other time. Heck, I even read it to me nephew before he went to bed and he loved it so much he wanted me to tell you to send more so he can give it to his baby sister so she can enjoy it ha ha!

Thanks for sharing this perfect 6\6 for me!

Mary Jane Fahy wrote 139 days ago

Hi Neville, I love the way your characters speak, a bygone, gentle era, my sort of thing without a doubt. Still on my WL, will read more as and when.
M.J

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 140 days ago

Another interesting story. I read the first book in the series and now I read all of the available chapters. Good job. Nice introduction of electricity and you describe the old way of life, which is spectacular. Liked the flow of the story.

Alexandra Mahanaim
Return to Eternity; Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural and Captivity

Madeagle wrote 140 days ago

Neville,
Started reading your first book, didn't want to dive right into this one without having known anything about Esmeralda and tommy! I did however take peak at this one! To say the least I wanted to keep reading, but knew I should start with your first book! I can't wait to start reading this one hopefully soon I have promised a lot of people I would read there as well! But from what I can see and I'm no expert by any means, this book is on the right path and if you keep the same drive As what I have read in the first paragraph, then I'm sure it will be a great novel!


Many thanks for letting me know about your books! Highly starred and I will be adding your book to my shelf!

Thomas

Madeagle wrote 140 days ago

Neville,
Started reading your first book, didn't want to dive right into this one without having known anything about Esmeralda and tommy! I did however take peak at this one! To say the least I wanted to keep reading, but knew I should start with your first book! I can't wait to start reading this one hopefully soon I have promised a lot of people I would read there as well! But from what I can see and I'm no expert by any means, this book is on the right path and if you keep the same drive As what I have read in the first paragraph, then I'm sure it will be a great novel!


Many thanks for letting me know about your books! Highly starred and I will be adding your book to my shelf!

Thomas

Madeagle wrote 140 days ago

Neville,
Started reading your first book, didn't want to dive right into this one without having known anything about Esmeralda and tommy! I did however take peak at this one! To say the least I wanted to keep reading, but knew I should start with your first book! I can't wait to start reading this one hopefully soon I have promised a lot of people I would read there as well! But from what I can see and I'm no expert by any means, this book is on the right path and if you keep the same drive As what I have read in the first paragraph, then I'm sure it will be a great novel!


Many thanks for letting me know about your books! Highly starred and I will be adding your book to my shelf!

Thomas

Patty Apostolides wrote 141 days ago

The Secrets of the Forest - Cosmos 501

Back for more reading of this enchanting story. I read chapters 4-7 and the story comes along nicely with Tommy helping Esmeralda and finding that intriguing leather book. The book promises adventure in the future, which keeps one turning the pages to read more. Having read the first book, I feel as if I'm waiting for the magic to reappear at a faster pace. I sense that the book is tied into it.

Meanwhile Gran receives a visitor, the electricity man, who tries to convince her she should get electricity. I loved it when she thought that she couldn't see how the electricity would make her Yorkshire pudding taste any better.

Overall a nice story for young people.

Suggestions/Nitpicks:
Ch. 4 -
"and heavy as Esmeralda had said on occasions, you could smell of the leather straight away." This part of the sentence felt awkward. Maybe change to: ..."and you could smell the leather straight away."

Ch. 5 -
"take a look at the leaflet's I have left.." Should be - "take a look at the leaflets I have left.."

"..far worse off than they were, at least they owned their own cottage.." Should be - "...far worse off than they were; at least they owned their own cottage." Or you can break into two sentences so it's not a run on sentence.

Ch. 6 -
"This gets interesting the more you think about it," she replied with a sigh."
Just before this sentence, Esmeralda is speaking, so her "replied with a sigh." doesn't quite make sense, it doesn't follow the previous paragraph (unless Tommy was supposed to say something and she replied to that.)


Best,
Patty
The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

CATHERINE SHAW wrote 141 days ago

This is a lovely fantasy for young and old. I am reading a bit every day because I am quite intrigued by it all. The descriptive writing is quite beautiful and I will definitely be reading this until the end.

Happy New Year
Cathy xx

lexington_ky_writer wrote 142 days ago

Neville, Good afternoon. I am in the middle of reading and can't wait to finish. A couple of thoughts. 1. I would like to see a bit more of a description of Tommy, Gran, and Esmerelda. How old is Tommy. What is his personality? phyiscal appearance, background. Same with Gran and Esmerelda. Also, what is the setting? what country are we in? Describe the cottage, surroundings, etc. I'm really enjoying the book, which is the most critical thing here. I love the story line. kerry.

Llamatoe212 wrote 146 days ago

Neville, I've only read the first chapter of this book, but it is very refreshing. There were very few negative things that I noticed about this chapter. I thought that the pacing was very good. I would go through this and clean up a few of the grammar errors. I really enjoyed the presence of the grandma. I will try to check back on this.

Maxwell

Matthew_JD_Evans wrote 148 days ago

Hello Neville,

I must say reading this made me second guess my skill as a writer for a moment, your charters are nothing less than enchanting and though I've only read the first chapter so far I am reminded as you indicated somewhat in your message of stories I used to read as a child. Normally I would not jump straight to the second book of a series as normally doing so would prevent me from understanding the style, this is not the case for you it seems as it was easy for me to fall to a familiar and relaxed flow that I would normally get from reading the book of a writer I had known longer.

In terms of critique, I am sure as with most things there are small minor edits you may need to make but unfortunately I am not the best person to ask as spotting grammar and punctuation issues is a little hard for me.

All in all however from what I have read so far this is a wonderful story and would be wonderful addition to Children's genre, I will be sure to read more when I find the time.

I wish you the best of luck dear sir in reaching the editor's desk for a second time.

Matthew JD Evans
Trial of the Golden Puzzle Box

Sebnem wrote 151 days ago

The Secrets of the Forest-Cosmos 501
Neville Kent

Hi Neville! I just read your first 7 chapters and I will probably read the rest to find out more about 'Cosmos 501'. You are a great story teller and the chapters flow very easily. Your book reminded me of the stories I used to read and treasure as a child and brought back all those innocent memories. Your characters Tommy, Gran, Esmeralda, Saber the cat and the magpie are all very likeable and they all contribute positively to the storyline. I will write again when I read the rest. Well done! All the best and high stars, Sebnem-The Child of Heaven

Mary Jane Fahy wrote 160 days ago

Hello Neville,
Read a couple of chapters of TSOTF-C501; yes, it probably does need a tweak in the editing department, but that's piffling compared to the importance of a jolly good yarn - we all need one of those! I thoroughly enjoyed the chapters I read, and will read more when I've more time. I've added you to my watchlist.

M.J

Baltasar wrote 180 days ago

Hi, Neville,

What a savory treat of literary merit. You took me back to a time where young people chose manners and kindness. I enjoyed the story and your intentional, slow build of this adventure. I wanted more, and more and wanted to continue to read. Your built anticipation very well and then,,,,LOCKED FOR EDITING! I ENJOYED THIS VERY MUCH. I will watch and back your book. I want to read more of this as you open the rest up for reading. A trip back in time to simpler times when the young believed fantasy could be real! God bless.

Giuseppe Silvestro
Baltasar Bane and the Curse of the Moon Witch.

Charles Knightley wrote 185 days ago

Good story line, it’s been written so that the reader wants to read on. The only criticism is some of the grammar – for example, the first sentence of Chapter 4 is “Esmeralda’s was feeling quite a lot better as she explained to Tommy what happened earlier.” This needs to be edited and changed.

Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

Warrick Mayes wrote 192 days ago

Neville,

I read your first two chapters and was most pleased. This is perhaps akin to some of the stories I read when I was young. Not quite Enid Blyton as the famous five would not have done fantasy! I would not be able to say if it is appropriate for the modern child, I'll leave that to others to decide, but it is very well written and wholly appropriate for a young reader, or even listener!

Only one thing worried me, would they really have been brought to tears by the "missed a bit in the corner" joke? Maybe that was a little over done!

Best wishes
Warrick
"Sleeping With God"

Jimmy Wearne wrote 199 days ago

HI Neville - First sentence - rather than "jumped off of" I would put "jumped from" - less clunky - 1st chapter got me though - what's happening at esmerelda's?

superostah wrote 215 days ago

Hi Neville,

I was only able to dedicate enough time for the first chapter today, but I have to say I'm rather interested in the first book now, just to see the adventures this boy has already been on, as well as seeing where he's going.
You do a nice job of giving a basic recap on the previous tale in this chapter, as well as setting up for the fact that there's still more to tell.
I'm adding you to my watch list and I'll be back to read more as time permits.

Eva H wrote 216 days ago

What a brilliant second book. I love your characters, you 'paint' them so colourfully for us. The description is great, it's so easy to imagine the location/settings of the novel, whilst still giving our imagination room to embroider a little. Tommy is such a likable mc, that the reader is rooting for him from the very beginning. And, as some of the others have said, this book could stand alone as well, as you've briefly added in the relevant details from the first book. All done with a light touch. This book really does capture the wonder of childhood. A great read, Neville. And I love the magpie and Saber in particular!

Harmonium-Kruger wrote 217 days ago

Hello there, Neville. I read the first chapter, and I dare say I found myself really liking it. The format of which it is written is very fluid and in good taste, not so bulky in paragraphs and very beautiful description. I will read on, and very much enjoy it as I have the first chapter!

made wrote 218 days ago

Iv just started reading this and definately a good start I will definately finish it to the end just so you in lM loving it

Scott Butcher wrote 219 days ago

Hi Neville,
Well I should probably read more of the first book before skipping to the second, but the style of the first chapter follows on quite well from the previous book. A nice easy read, again well pitched to kids. I liked reading it too, but maybe I'm just a big kid. Second last paragraph seemed to have a slight grammar breakdown, easily fixed. Not a big fan of magpie's - got dive bombed by too many of them as a kid, does this magpie do any dive bombing? If its dive bombing for good instead of evil then alls well.

Regards Scott Butcher

Smokeybehr wrote 225 days ago

HI Neville:
I agree with most of the other comments here. I have not read the first book, and this one stands very well alone. I am enjoying your characters, and can clearly see that young readers would enjoy this, for I was enjoying it!~
I would say some edits are needed to make your story grammatically correct.
Good luck with all your endeavours, and keep writing!

Gary
Gary B. Roy

~Beyond the Eyes of Princess Ladina~

Calcuta wrote 225 days ago

I loved Tommy in the first book and I'm loving him here. No comments about the writing, except that i think it's flawless.
martha x

Littleredriley wrote 226 days ago

HI there,
what a lovely story! Although not my usual reading- ie. theres not a single vampire or zombie in sight and im 31 not 11, this was a great story and i found myself lost in its world.
You write with such skill, you literally paint the picture for the reader.
Thanks for a great read
Kind regards
Claire C Riley
Limerence

Kaychristina wrote 227 days ago

GOODY!!! Another adventure with Tommy, Esmeralda and my second-favourite Cat - my niece-cat from next door being no.1... but of course, said niece-cat can't change her stripes like Saber, more's the pity!

You do know how to draw a reader in - and that's the be-all and end-all of a children's storyteller. I'll be reading on, that's for sure.

All the stars from the other Cosmos... and a backing from me with love.

Kay Christine
The Ragged Yellow Ribbon

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