How To Get Away With Murder In New York

             CHAPTER TWO - WEAPONS SELECTION

       Now that your target has been picked we shall begin a discussion of the means and methods available for bringing your decision to fruition.  We will show you how to get away with Murder -- In New York.

       The first step toward your goal is to select the appropriate weapon which you will use to commit your murder.  Notice we are no longer calling your victim's death a killing but are now referring to it as a Murder.  The difference between the two terms is simple.  All Murders are killings but, conversely, not all killings are Murders.  To understand the logic of this statement consider the following logical syllogism.

          1.  All members of the Mafia are Italian.

          2.  Joey "three fingers" Steinberg is a member of the

              Mafia.

          3.  Therefore Joey Steinberg is Italian.

       The third statement is a natural deduction from the first two statements.  It cannot be false.  You might argue that Joey Steinberg is Jewish.  That, of course, cannot be since "all members of the Mafia are Italian".  Therefore, Joey must have converted to Italian behind his parents back.  But, statement number one taken conversely does not lead to the conclusion that all Italians are members of the Mafia.  That would be just as incorrect as saying all Jews are rich, or all Blacks have rhythm or all Poles are mentally slow.  Certainly some rich people are Jews and some of those who have rhythm are black and there are one or two Poles who are smart but they converted to Italian and joined the Mafia.  All this may seem to be straying from the point we are trying to make which is:

       Murder is a certain form of killing, namely a killing which has a criminal penalty.  We shall, therefore, use the term Murder so that the penalty you face will be uppermost in your mind at all times , to insure that you perform all tasks accurately.  Failing to do so raises the possibility that you will face that penalty if you are caught.  You can find a free survey on penalties in Chapter Three, entitled,  "Court Shopping".  Don't turn there now because it is essential that you proceed in the orderly fashion in which this book is constructed.

       Now, to commit your Murder you will need some form of weapon.  Weapons generally fall into two major categories; contact weapons and remote weapons.  Contact weapons are those devices that require you to either touch your victim or come within arms reach of your victim in order to use them.  Knives, pens, swords, ligatures (used for strangling your victim; ie. rope, necktie, lingerie) blunt instruments (such as hammers, chains, statues, plants etc.) automobiles (Chrysler, Honda, G.M., Ford) are examples of contact weapons.  Remote weapons include firearms, (rifles, pistols, automatics, artillery pieces) explosives, poisons, voodoo, snakes (poisonous variety) animals (lions, tigers, elephants) all sorts of booby trap devices. 

CONTACT WEAPONS             

       We begin our discussion with contact weaponry.  Before you consider the weapons in this group you must first consider the physical attributes of your victim.  Since these weapons require close contact with the victim you must be capable of easily overwhelming any resistance your victim offers.  If your victim is stronger than you then a weapon in this category is not suitable.  Therefore, it is obvious to us and hopefully to you as well that in such cases, contact weapons are generally not the weapon of choice if it is a revenge killings -- oops we mean Murders.

       l.  KNIVES - Knives are the most commonly used contact weapon.  They are usually light weight and easily concealed on your person.  They can be obtained in most department stores usually in the sporting goods section.  Purchase of a knife is not recorded by the store clerk nor is there any requirement that knives be registered with the authorities as guns are.  Furthermore, it is not illegal to possess most knives. (Some states forbid the possession of switch blade or gravity knives for no logical reason).  Consequently, if for some reason you are stopped and searched by the Police while traveling to or from your Murder, the mere possession of a knife will cause no suspicion on the part of the Police, and certainly not form the basis for an arrest.  If,   the knife is left at the scene of the crime or discovered somewhere else by the Police it cannot be traced to you -- unless you are dumb enough to leave your fingerprints on it.  Also, of equal importance, it is virtually impossible for any expert to match a knife wound with the knife that caused it; unless the knife is of such a configuration as to leave an unusually unique wound impression.  That means if the knife has a crazy unusually shaped blade it will leave a crazy unusually shaped cut which even a dummy could match up.  Just keep in mind that nice smooth blade tells no tales.

            DISADVANTAGES  -  Each weapon in this list will first be described in terms of its advantages.  Following that description you will find the word disadvantages underlined followed by considerations you must think about which may adversely affect the desired outcome of your Murder.  If you find a weapon attractive you must read the disadvantages section before deciding on its use.  If you don't it's like taking medicine without reading what the side effects could be.  Knives have serious side effects.  You won't break out in a rash but you could seriously injure yourself.  Remember, knives are dangerous instruments!  When you stab your victim, in the frenzy of the moment, it is quite likely that you might cut yourself.  Also, even though you are physical superior to your victim (if you are not stronger contact weapons should be avoided -- we stated this once already and will not repeat it again so this time remember it) there have been cases where the weaker individual has somehow managed to gain control of the knife and then commits a "revenge" killing on his attacker.  (Note:  we use the word killing because self-defense or something resembling it is legal in all 50 states hence it would not be Murder).

       Thirdly, stabbings are historically messy.  Blood can spurt everywhere, especially if you accidently sever an artery.  We assume our readers are not doctors (this does not mean that doctors are not permitted to commit Murders, on the contrary doctors are perhaps the most prolific killers in our country both legally and otherwise),  since this book is directed toward the lowest common denominator and we assume all our readers are ignorant.  Therefore, you are not going to perform your Murder with surgical precision, and, consequently, there will be blood and plenty of it.  This blood will probably deposit a considerable quantity of itself on your clothing, skin, and hands.  Unless you are able to shower and change your clothes immediately after the Murder you will carry this blood with you as you flee the scene of the crime.  If you are apprehended -- you are literally dripping with evidence.  That evidence can be  identically matched to the victim.  Think about the case they would then have against you -- caught near the scene of the crime covered with blood that is the same type as the victims and, with a modicum of investigation, that you knew the victim and may have a motive to murder him (such as in a "For Profit" Murder).  Don't be discouraged, if you really feel a knife is your weapon these disadvantages are brought out so you can adequately plan your murder.  All weapons have disadvantages.  The only perfect Murder is a suicide.  If your victim is willing to kill himself (suicide is legal and hence not a Murder) then you can omit this chapter.

2.  THE SWORD

       The sword is a weapon that captures the imagination.  It most definitely has class and adds a distinctive touch to any murder if it is used properly.  It comes in many sizes with varying widths and shapes of blades.  It's obvious advantage as a contact weapon is its length.  Most swords are over 3 feet long and hence permit contact with the victim while you are beyond arms reach thus reducing the possibility that the victim might disarm you.  The length of the blade also inflicts greater damage with each thrust and requires fewer penetrations to cause death.  Finally, while the sword is as messy or probably messier than the knife the distance your are from your target lessens the chance that you will be splattered with the victims blood.

       DISADVANTAGES -- and there are a few big ones.  The sword has a tendency to cause the user to get carried away.  If you have a brutal streak you could find yourself teasing your victim with painful slashes across several areas of his body.  Killing by dissection falls within the "fun or sport" category and is not sanctioned by serious murder advocates.  It is cruel and wasteful, and creates a sensational flair to your Murder which the media "eats up".    

         CAVEAT --  The term caveat in the law means warning!  -- this term will pop up from time to time whenever an extremely important fact must be brought to your attention in the form of a warning.  Never, Never violate a caveat.  Caveat violators deserve to be arrested and convicted.  They have a masochistic flaw that hungers for self punishment.  They want to be caught.  As children when they broke something they would say! "Mommy look what I did" instead of blaming it on a brother or sister as normal children do.  Therefore, pay strict attention to all caveats and heed the message.

       The caveat here is NEVER DO ANYTHING TO BRING ATTENTION TO YOUR MURDER.   The easiest way to get caught is to make the Police really want to catch you.  Most of the time they could not give a shit.  Having the press interested in your killing makes the Police give a shit.  Catching you becomes a prize that can lead to promotion or even a Hollywood career.

       Getting back to the sword let us point out one final disadvantage you must consider.  It is a weapon which is not easily concealed upon the person.  If you try to hide it in your pocket you will probably rip your pants all the way down to your knees.  If you stick it down the leg of your pants keeping the handle at the level of your belt, walking becomes difficult and running almost impossible.  One fellow we knew performed an involuntary vasectomy when he sat down unaware the sword was still down his pants (women may disregard this particular problem though the danger of clitoris separation is a theoretical possibility).

  3.  THE PEN

       Although it has been said that the pen is mightier then the sword it has mostly been said by wimp writers who attempt to invite others to commit the murders they themselves are too chicken to do.  If there is any advantage one can find, it is its conceal ability.  You can hide it anywhere on your body or even shove it up your ass like a suppository.

       DISADVANTAGES -- Pens are used as a contact weapon that delivers a poisonous dose of ink into the blood circulatory system of the victim.  A fountain pen must be used and you must have a sufficient quantity of ink.  In order to deliver enough ink to kill your victim within a reasonably short period of time you will have to puncture the victim several hundred times emptying the ink from the pen each time.  This will require at least a gallon of ink.  Although this should work, your victim will probably die from the loss of blood just as much as from the ink poisoning. (Note:  a ball point pen will not work -- most of the time they don't even write).

4.  LIGATURES - - Are devices used to strangle the victim by tightening an object around his neck eventually cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain resulting in death.  The material used must be strong enough to apply sufficient pressure without breaking.  It must also be flexible enough to circle the victim’s neck and tighten as it is pulled.  Here a wide variety of material is available from rope to wire to belts to clothing etc.  All such items are also easily concealed on the person.

       If this is your choice you will also be happy to note that ligature murders are usually neat and produce very little blood if any at all.

       DISADVANTAGES  -- This type of weapon is a very close contact item; so close you can kiss your victim on the lips.  Consequently, you must be able to completely overcome all physical resistance.  A victim who is  an eighty year old feeble Aunt who is paralyzed from the neck down and semi-comatose would be the type of victim perfectly suited to this choice; unless of course, you are an eighty year old feeble Uncle (or vice versa).

       This type of Murder also eliminates any possible defense of justification (self defense in layman's terms).

       NOTE:  We apologize for using legal terms now and then.  As Lawyers we have received a considerable amount of education, 7 years beyond mere High School.  So much education is bound to affect the choice of language we use and we forget from time to time that our readers may be, for the most part, High School dropouts.  So, if our education and breeding exhibits itself we will try to explain unfamiliar terms in a language you can understand).

CAVEAT  -  No matter what type of Murder you commit you should always consider possible defenses you might use in case of apprehension (You get caught, busted, get your ass kicked by the Police).  Self defense is a viable defense which has a historically excellent success rate.  It should not be discarded without recourse to some other valid defense, for example insanity or the very popular SODDI defense (some other dude did it).

BLUNT INSTRUMENTS

      Are heavy objects, usually metal or wood used primarily to bash in your victim’s brains.  They come in all shapes, sizes, weights and unless they are very large are usually concealable somewhere on your body.  The "bookend" has been a historically popular blunt instrument.  So too, is the fireplace stoker though this instrument faces similar problems of concealment like the sword though less likely to cause self-inflicted wounds.

       The blunt instrument causes the death of your victim as a result of trauma to the brain which hopefully, results in brain death due to lack of oxygen.  You need not understand this process but you must realize that you've got to bop your target with sufficient force directly on the head if the desired result is to be obtained.  This usually requires several blows with enough force to fracture the skull.

       DISADVANTAGES  - -  This method is verfy messy if not totally disgusting.  You could easily wind up with splattered brains all over the place including on you.  Unless you have a extremely strong stomach we suggest you refrain from this type of weapon.  If you are set on using a blunt instrument you should take along a "barf bag" as a precaution and have some plan in advance to change and wash after the Murder.

CAVEAT 

       An especially brutal blunt instrument murder can cause media attention so you must try and be as neat as possible.

6.  AUTOMOBILES

       They have been used quite often as a Murder weapon.  We, ourselves, had a client who, allegedly, (a term used by Lawyers when they don't want to admit their clients are guilty) Murdered her victim by running over the victim and then dragging her several hundred feet.  Death in this case resulted from loss of blood.

       The automobile is essentially a separate class of blunt instrument which combines the advantages of blunt instruments with the added factor of being a remote weapon as well.  Actually physical contact with your victim should not occur. (Note:  If you are using a convertible, physical contact can occur if the victim is struck in such a manner as to deflect his body into the vehicle in which case you could find him seated next to you in the passenger seat.  What this means is don't use a convertible.  (Although this is not a caveat, it is damn close to being one).

       The automobile has the advantage of enabling you to commit murder and be in your escape vehicle when  the deed is done.

       DISADVANTAGES  - - The automobile is not a flexible weapon.  What that means is that it /is difficult to strike successive blows with rapidity.  After hitting him the first time you must inevitably back up in order to deliver a subsequent blow.  You are further limited by the terrain.  For example if your victim sees the car coming he might run on to the sidewalk making a successful hit difficult.  If he flees into a building you might then need a tank to follow him in.  Also, should your initially propel his body to an area which is not accessible by car you will have to exit your vehicle retrieve the victim and place him on a targeted spot.  All this is time consuming and risks the likelihood that someone will witness the Murder.

       CAVEAT  - The possibility of attracting witnesses to the Murder must be avoided at all cost. (See Chapter 4 -- but not just yet)

       You must also realize that although you will escape contact with the victim and therefore the likelihood of blood or other matter soiling your clothes is rare the same cannot be said of your car.  The vehicle will no doubt display signs that it has been involved in a collision and will certainly have bits of blood and other human debris splashed across the front grill, fender, and possibly embedded in the tires.  The car will of necessity require a complete going over to eradicate all signs of the fatal assault.

       Finally attention must be paid to the year and make of the vehicle you are using with specific concern given to safety equipment installed.  The reason for this should be obvious as set forth in the following caveat!

       CAVEAT:  Never use an automobile which has an airbag  -- Enough said.

REMOTE WEAPONS

       Remote weapons have a distinct and obvious advantage over contact weaponry.  Although the advantage is obvious as we have said we will nevertheless explain this to the less intelligent among our readers.  Since it is a remote weapon, you can take out your target from a distance.  If he is as strong as an elephant, as cunning as a panther, or as wise as an owl, he cannot escape the effectiveness of the remote weapon.

       Therefore, if your victim looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger, fights like Chuck Norris and has the brain of an Albert Einstein, the remote weapon must be chosen over any contact weapon no matter how desirable that weapon might be.  The remote weapon is therefore, intended for use against a more formidable victim although there is no specific prohibition against its use on a more wimpish target.

       CAVEAT:  Never use an elephant gun to murder a mouse, or a hand grenade to eliminate a roach.  Overkill will attract attention.

1.  FIREARMS - Firearms are devices that eject an object at a high rate of speed which upon impact will penetrate the victim’s body causing damage to vital organs which can result in death.  A gun and bullet combined is an example of a firearm.  A gun without a bullet is not a firearm and is as useful as a water pistol.  Firearms fall into two major classifications - guns that can be concealed and guns that cannot be concealed.

       A. Concealed Firearms - Pistols and revolvers are concealed firearms.  Small machine guns and sawed-off shotguns can also be concealed.  It’s the length of the barrel, in essence, that determines its ability to be concealed.  The firearm is a great weapon.  You can shoot your victim at a distance without fear of the drawbacks contact weapons have -- no fuss, no muss, no mess.

       These short barreled weapons become less accurate as you move farther away form your target, therefore care should be taken not to shoot from a distance which makes reasonable accuracy impossible.  Target practice is a good idea.  This should not be done in your home if you live in close proximity to your neighbors.  They're likely to call the cops when they hear the gun shots. If you live in New York City or within a short distance of it, there are many places where firearms are regularly fired on the street with little public arousal.  Just be careful that some drug dealer does not think you are shooting at him.  New York City's Bronx County is often referred to as a War Zone.  As you drive through you will note hundreds of abandoned buildings that bring to mind pictures of England during the blitz.  Pick any one, go in and set up your target.  Remember courtesy is contagious (one of New York's old Motto's) and if someone else is taking target practice take care not to disturb his concentration.

       However, before you can take target practice you must obtain a weapon.  Although many stores sell guns most states require some form of registration and in New York City you need a gun permit from the Police Department.  This is not important unless your weapon is found by the Police.  Should this happen, then it would be possible to trace the ownership to you.  Therefore, don't register your weapon or obtain it in any manner in which it can be traced to you.  You can find many guns on the streets of New York City.  We can attest to this based one our own personal knowledge.  We have represented hundreds of people charged with illegal possession of a gun and 90% of them have told us they found the gun (a) on the street, (b) in a playground (c) in a supermarket (d) in a friend’s car (e) in church and several other less popular locales.  According to them when it rains, it rains guns instead of cats and dogs.  We have no reason to doubt their veracity because only an idiot would lie to his lawyer.

       So, go out onto the streets of New York and just pick up a gun.  Although we can't guarantee selection the price is certainly right.

       B.  FIREARMS THAT CANNOT BE CONCEALED - Rifles, shotguns, large machine guns and hand held artillery pieces cannot be concealed upon the person, unless you are a very very big person.  Therefore, you must carry the weapon in a manner that would not create suspicion.  The guitar case or bass fiddle case can be used to hide some weapons when walking in public.  Suitcases, duffle bags and trunks can also be used.

       These larger weapons generally cause larger wounds and thus more damage makes death more certain at the first strike.  The rifle is also more accurate than the handgun and can therefore be used at a greater distance still maintaining reasonable accuracy.  With a rifle you could hit a victim a block away and escape with less likelihood of being observed.  However, since you must verify the death of your victim this advantage is meaningless since you will have to approach your victim to see if he is dead.

       The shotgun fires an array of pellets which eliminates the need for accuracy as the pellets spread out when they are fired.  But, you must use this weapon at fairly close range if you are to hit the victim with enough pellets to murder him.

       The machine gun is an automatic weapon which fires many bullets in rapid succession.  Accuracy is not important since it’s like trying to hit someone with water shooting from a hose.  Point it all over the place and you're bound to hit something you're aiming at.  Keep in mind, though, it is very noisy and its prolonged use can cause permanent damage to your hearing.

       Whether using concealed or unconcealed firearms some attempt should be made to reduce the noise level.  This can be effectively accomplished by using a sheet or towel to cover the gun.  That should reduce the noise when it is fired.  Be careful not to block the end of the barrel (that's where the bullet comes out) or the bullet could be deflected slightly causing you to miss the garget. If it is severely blocked it could even prevent the bullet from exiting the gun resulting in the gun exploding which might result in your own suicide -- unplanned.

       DISADVANTAGES

       Guns have several serious drawbacks.  Firstly, it is usually possible to match the bullet fired from the gun with the gun that fired it.  This is called ballistic matching.  This means that if you are caught with the gun after the murder, the bullet removed from the deceased can be matched to the gun.  This makes for pretty strong evidence that you did it, which of course you did, but you don't want anyone else to know you did.

       Secondly, guns are noisy weapons and therefore have the unfortunate habit of attracting attention which means witnesses.  The more shots fired -- the more noise made.

       Thirdly, rather finally, since there is no fourthly therefore this is the final disadvantage; Guns can kill!  They are dangerous.  They should be carefully handled and always stored in a safe dry place because wet weapons can misfire.

       2.  HAND GRENADES 

           They are a form of explosive devise.  There is a certain rugged individualism connected to the use of hand grenades, especially the type used in World War II (affectionately called Pineapples).  In most war movies made during the forties and early fifties there is a scene where the hero, overwhelmed by enemy forces, pulls out a hand grenade, yanks out the pin with his teeth and pitches it into the heart of the attacking enemy horde.  We've seen John Wayne do it, Kirk Douglas do it, Lloyd Nolan do it (he was a lesser star then the others.  For those of you who are not over 60 you can see Lloyd toss the potato in a great scene from the 1943 movie Bataan; which was made before we knew who won the war and inspired the sequel Back To Bataan which was made after we knew who won.)

     The hand grenade is a rather simple device.  It is essentially a metal ball which houses an explosive.  When activated the ball explodes and the metal fragments into hundreds of deadly missiles.  World War II type hand grenades can be purchased from any Army-Navy Surplus store with the explosive device removed.  You can easily learn how to re-arm the hand grenade from your local library.

      CAVEAT:  Never ask a Librarian for help in your research.  Librarians have memories like elephants and they read everything.  They could then be a potent witness against you.  Use the card catalog -- if you don't know how -- ask your librarian how to use it.

       When using your World War II hand grenade you must pay close attention to the time delayed fuse.  Once the pin is pulled you have 5 seconds till the big boom.  Therefore, you must get rid of it before the 5 seconds elapse.  Timing is everything.  If you throw it too soon you will give your victim the opportunity to throw it back.  Unfortunately there would be no time for you to return the volley.  Hence you must wait 3 seconds before getting rid of it.  That will eliminate all chance of it boomeranging back.  Just start at O, and then count 1, 2, 3 throw.  If you start on 1 and throw on 3 you've only waited 2 seconds.  If you start on O and hesitate and then say 1, 2, 3 and also say the word throw, five seconds will have passed and you can confirm this as you watch your fingers flying off in 5 different directions.  It would be better to say 1, 2, 3, throw and throw on throw.  Whatever method you use, practice it with a watch to obtain accuracy.

       DISADVANTAGES - This will be the last time we will say it but we must again remind you that unusual weapons or brutally graphic murders attract media attention which must be avoided.  Instead of repeating this over and over again from now on when you see CAVEAT "MAMA" that will stand for May Attract Media Attention".  Keep in mind what the MAMA means so we don't have to repeat ourselves endlessly.

      Another disadvantage of the hand grenade is the pin which must be pulled out to activate it.  It is a tremendous temptation to pull it out with your teeth ala John Wayne.  This can cause serious damage to your teeth and if you have dentures it should not ever been attempted.

       3.  DYNAMITE - We call this the big bang weapon.  Depending upon the number of sticks you use you can blow up your victim or the entire neighborhood.

       It is easily concealed on your person (one stick) but should never be kept in your pants pocket if you are a male because a female victim is apt to say "Is that a stick of dynamite in your pants or are you happy to see me?”

       If you chose dynamite you will be dealing with a fuse. It will be either a lighted fuse much like a firecracker, or a detonator activated electronically.  We are not experts in this area and must direct you again to your local library where you can "read all about it".  Just keep in mind that if you are using an electric detonator you will have to run wire from the target area to where you will be at the time of detonation.  Someone might notice this wire, especially if it runs through an apartment building, onto the sidewalk and across the street.  If that's the case, then you should consider a radio signal detonator which operates like a garage door opener.  Be careful when selecting the frequency of the signal or you could be blown  up when someone changes the channel on his TV with the remote control.

       DISADVANTAGES - You will find dynamite hard to obtain.  You need all sorts of permits and licenses which make it easy to trace you.  Needless to say it is also subject to the "MAMA" problem.  If you don't know what that is go back to the disadvantages of hand grenades to find out.  Next time we won't tell you where to find it so don't forget.

       Finally, explosives are unpredictable and require some expertise.  We really think you should stay away from explosives since there are so many other goodies to choose from.

       4.  POISONS - Poisons are easily concealed, which from now on we will refer to as the C.O.P. (concealed on Person) advantage.  They can be delivered without physical force and leave no mess thus avoiding the M.A.M.A problem. Many poisons are easily obtained and require no prescriptions.

       The more common poisons are chlorine, arsenic, cyanide, nerve gas, and large doses of barbiturates.  Since most poisons are detectable by the Medical Examiner or Toxicologist (poison expert) be sure to use a poison which cannot be traced to you.  Therefore, don't buy any poison if you have to show identification to get it and never charge your purchase -- pay cash, it’s safer and cheaper, and you can usually save the sales tax.     

 DISADVANTAGES - Not all poisons work the same way and not all victims react the same way to the poison.  We've known people who have swallowed lye and it gave them nothing more than a mere stomach ache and others who have sprinkled arsenic on their food as a seasoning.  There is obviously an area of unpredictability which can effect the time it takes for death to occur as well as whether it occurs at all.

       It's also a coward’s weapon.  Rambo doesn't use poison to wipe out the enemy.  Therefore, it is not a suitable choice for a revenge murder.  It's basically a humane method to be used on elderly relatives who you really like and don't want to frighten them with knives or guns etc.  The old girl at worst will think she's having a stroke or heart attack or might just die in her sleep.

       4.  VOODOO - There is no scientific proof that voodoo works.  It is basically a hoax.  There are charlatans in almost any field and this field is no exception.  Thousands of innocent "would be murders" are bilked out of hundreds of thousands of dollars annually by con artists selling voodoo devices.  Don't be fooled or taken in by it.  DON'T DO VOO DOO.

       CAVEAT  -  If you know a Voodoo Priest or rather priest person it is wiser to show respect than take a chance that science is wrong.

       5.  BOOBY TRAPS - These devises are too numerous to list.  Essentially they are weapons which murder the victim when he accidentally activates them.  If you want to know more go to the library and "read all about it".  (From now on instead of using the phrase "read all about it" at the library we will use the abbreviation R.A.I.D. which stands for “read about it dummy”.

       DISADVANTAGES - Most booby traps don't work especially if they are American made.  Japanese imports are much more reliable.  However, it is a M.A.M.A. problem and usually cannot be C.O.P.  Furthermore, you never know exactly when it has worked and therefore requires patience.  It is a cowardly weapon, as is any weapon that does not give your victim a chance and does nto require some guts on your part to execute.

       THE PERFECT CONTACT WEAPON

       We have saved this weapon for last because it is as the heading indicates the perfect contact weapon.  It is C.O.P., and avoids M.A.M.A., and you don't have to R.A.I.D.  And, it is undetectable and invisible.  This magnificent weapon has never been described before, and in our vast knowledge has never been used as a murder weapon, though it may have been but since it is undetectable and invisible no one would have known it anyway.  This weapon is what we call the "Iced Pop Shiv".       It is a piece of ice shaped like a knife.  Assuming it has been properly frozen, it can be used like any other knife, although we would suggest you wear gloves to avoid front bite.  The best part, of course, is that the weapon self destructs as it melts. You need not worry about it being traced, nor is there any way it can hold fingerprints.  Unless you commit your murder in Alaska the weapon should be reduced to its liquid state within 30 minutes at room temperature.

       It is also easy to construct.  Just fold some plastic in the shape of a funnel, fill it with water and freeze it.  You could add coloring and sugar and claim it is a Popsicle if you are stopped by the Police.  Even if a cop thinks it is a weapon and takes it from you, by the time it gets to the police evidence room all that will remain is a sweet tasting wet evidence envelope.