tuesday's child

I'm focusing on ch four here. Here are my notes:

The first sentence sets up an interesting dynamic, making me suspicious of Father.

Then the masterpiece: ouch!

This reads like young adult.

Things aren't well for Lane in this household. Even the use "Father" connotes a distance.

The secrecy warning: tension mounts.

Sure is a lot of intrigue her. A lot of clues establishing setting/wealth in this household--the maid.

Lane is not so attractive as the ch progresses--her tantrum.

The language of Father and Morgan create an interesting dynamic.

Lane runs away building the tension.

Ray's an interesting character--a breath of fresh air.

Ch 4 leaves the reader ambivalent about Lane. Wanting to see her grow.

The voice reads like a novel for teens. Direct, focused on character and motivation. Really solid writing throughout the ch.

Dear Carolyn,
I read enough of this to become enchanted with Lane Harris. I became so enchanted I forgot this was a Young Adult book, and when I remembered it was written for that genre, I was even more pleased. How refreshing to find such a hero for young teens, one who thinks beyond hormones and creatures from horror films. I like, too, how you flip back and forth from the run, from the grown up girl, to the memories. I also feel you did the abuse just right, not too much, but enough to seem real. Children face many kinds of abuse and so many bear it alone. One suggestion, perhaps quote that poem about . . . Monday's child is fair of face; Tuesday's child is full of grace somewhere or even drop lines from the poem here and there--just a crazy idea. Best of luck and stick with this story. I think Tuesday's child is a winner. Caroline/ Summer Rose
PS How does Summer Rose and the Soldier sound?

It is so refreshing to come across a novel in the Young Adult genre that doesn't rely on vampires or dragons to move the plot, the market as well as Authonomy is saturated with them. This is about real life situations and people which is so much more tragic. A real gem of a find here. It is the sort of book a young adult would rip through in one night! Down to earth charcterizations and dialogue and talented writing make this a book to watch. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

What a simple and uncluttered style you have. I could not put this down and will read any extra chapters you upload. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

This is one for my high school students. Easy reading, identifiable characters, interesting plot. You really draw us in to their lives. I read to the end, the ice cream--12 scoops, I felt sick myself. Listen, you got something here. Have you tested it on teens yet?

Hi, Ross! Yes, the reason for the animosity becomes apparent later in the story. Thanx for your comments!
cg
Tuesday's Child

- Tuesday's Child -

(Based on chapters 1-4)

I read half of what is posted here last night and found myself wishing I had time to read more - no mean feat considering I have read very few YA novels in my life. There is a professional quility that shines through in this, not only in terms of the editing but also in the classy writing. Plot, characterisation, dialouge, setting - check. Check. Check. Check. All very good indeed and you do have the sense that this is a cut above as you read.

As the novel is already so polished, there is little for me to give in the way of constructice criticism. The only thing I did wonder at was why Lane's father acted the way he did towards her. Is it just the drink or is there another underlying cause. In what I read, I did find myself wondering just why he was so mean to her. But perhaps this is something which will become apparent later on.

As I say, quality writing here. Very glad to have read it.

All the best with it,

Ross

Thanx for the input! Tuesday's Child underwent a full edit and was published in March 2011. We were at Book Expo America in May, and just recently were announced the Runner Up in the 2011 Beach Book Festival!

Hi Carolyn
I really like the use of 'Mother' and 'Father'. These impersonal terms say so much about the formality and distance in Lane's relationship with her parents. It's especially impersonal when compared to the more relaxed 'Gamma' and 'Pop-Pop'.

The word 'bogus' stood out for me. I don't know - doesn't seem to fit with the more classical language you've used so far. I think there's a better word out there.

There seems to be a lack of the word 'and' in your writing. I know it's not the most interesting connective, but it's better grammar tham just using a comma (some of your sentences are awkward because of where you have inserted commas).
Similarly, if sentences like: 'More shelving lined the furthest end of the attic, mimicked the first section' would make more sense if you changed the word to 'mimicking'. This occurs quite often in your writing - it's not a major issue, just something that a keen editor might pick up on. It's not good grammar (I know - grammar's a bloody nightmare, but we writers all have to abide by it to some extent!).

I really liked chapter 3 - you made a cross-country race sound engaging. A whole chapter without dialogue - but it works. The brief windows into Lane's mind like 'No time to lose' relly strengthen the prose.

I don't know if you realise, but you seem to have uploaded chapter 3 twice.

You say 'cold, dead eyes' twice in chapter 4, quite close together. Maybe choose different adjectives to avoid repetition.

Just one general point - I don't really understand why the father is so abusive. There doesn't seem to be a clear motive to make sense of the plot. The story itself is brilliantly-written in terms of language used and there is a real atmosphere in your writing. I especially like the scene in the attic and the opening of the second chapter when Lane is entering the house and expecting the maid to tidy up in her wake. There is no question that this promises to be an extremely engaging and moving story. Just a few tweaks needed here and there. It's very near perfect.
Backed with pleasure
Fe
'This Salted Earth'

Carolyn,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the descriptive style. Every word chosen with the precision of a surgeon, the message to the reader; I know what I am doing. The result is a haunting psychological map of your central character, Lane, whose ebbs and flows manifest themselves as he she goes about reconciling the wishes with the pauses....

......and she does her character shows.

Some of my favorites:

"resembled holes the sizes of the dimes"
I have never seen this which is why I liked for, If wanted to read about things I have already seen, I would take the subway...lol

"tugging her across"

"the next strike..."
your personal best so far....haunting

"the wind threw a few...."

"storing up anger....."

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"ornate front door" "monopolizing her time completely" "mild interest" "brightly colored"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Your writing is fluent, your story good, and I read quickly through four chapters, and would like to read the whole story. Only one typo in all of that, Ch 4, 'made itself to home' should be 'at home.'
One thing that made me pause - that Lane could jump twelve feet across a ravine. It sounds a lot to me, and whether it is likely or not, anything that stops a reader is something to note, and preferably to avoid.
This is a good story. To be backed, Marj.

Great characterization of Lane! I loved her. You do a great job a pulling YA themes through a book that could also easily be entertaining to "Older-Adults"

Will be on my shelf by next week!

Live toads, new caviar. You have some great turns of phrase and a compelling topic. WL'd for further reading.
JBCampbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

My heart goes out to little Lane and her less than perfect home life. A great modern day take on the 'wicked stepmother' story with Morgan as the cruel 'father replacement'. She feels such a vulnerable character in the first few chapters - her naive snobbery towards the servants, and sadder still not knowing what 'died' means. It feels like she has been shut away or nelgected for years - not educated or nurtured properly.

As some other comments on this page - a great subject matter which has resonance with your target audience - not easy with this age group.

I would love to read the rest of your story. Five stars. If you have chance I would appreciate your comments on my children's book.

All the best
Clare Morris
The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm

This is an intriguing and gripping read - the main character is extremely well drawn, not two dimensional. She has serious flaws but a feisty personality which you hope will lead to her eventual happiness. Her plight is well set up, Morgan being a dyed-in-the-wool villain, but salvaged by Camilla the maid, who remains kind despite Lane's treatment of her. It will be interesting to see how Lane's character matures as well as what happens in the plot, which according to the pitch is going to get even darker. I have watchlisted this and look forward to following its progress. All the best with it Jaye

Hi Carolyn

Your novel is telling a story of a girl who saw several cruelties. Your heroine is very courageous too. Keep her mind straight when watching all cruelties. This novel portrays a brave girl’s character.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

I liked the title to this but was a little unsure about the subject. Once I got into this though I realised this was actually not as bad as it could have been and was a very well writen story. A little too young for my taste but I can see that young adults would like it.
Angela.

TUESDAY'S CHILD...
... is full of grace. And Lane lives up to just that. A captivating character and a real heroine in a real life situation. This is a cracking good read and one that I should think all young adults will really get into and enjoy.
The style is easy to read and the plot interesting enough to get the reader hooked. I think this should do well. Backed and starred.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

'Tuesday's Child': I dived into chapter 4, as requested, and was surprised at how easily I got into the well-rounded characters. I'm not sure how 'old' Lane, the rebellious young heroine, is in this chapter (I got a ref to a six-year old and wondered briefly why her language was so 'knowing', as in "So you want to talk me out of it?") but that's just me. The sense of being trapped and hungry, of breaking out only to be recaptured, is very well conveyed and elicits immediate sympathy for the 'little princess' brought tumbling down to stark isolated reality. Lane is at once priggish and strong - a fine match for the 'wolfish' and abusive Morgan - and I shall be reading on to see who win this battle of wills. My money is on Lane!

Oh, a couple of suggests: Replacing the semi-colons (;) with a full stop (.) might IMHO give more impact to the last lines of both chaps 1 and 4.

Also, in chap 4: Try 'You need to learn TO NO (not 'no to') waste food' (Camilla); and 'Camilla had warned the girl - SHE wasn't about to thrown her job away...etc, etc'

I really don't know what's wrong with the 'new' Authonomy, dear Carolyn - 'Tuesday' should be MUCH higher in the rankings!

Andi Rinke
Ginger the Gangster Cat

I'm focusing on ch four here. Here are my notes:

The first sentence sets up an interesting dynamic, making me suspicious of Father.

Then the masterpiece: ouch!

This reads like young adult.

Things aren't well for Lane in this household. Even the use "Father" connotes a distance.

The secrecy warning: tension mounts.

Sure is a lot of intrigue her. A lot of clues establishing setting/wealth in this household--the maid.

Lane is not so attractive as the ch progresses--her tantrum.

The language of Father and Morgan create an interesting dynamic.

Lane runs away building the tension.

Ray's an interesting character--a breath of fresh air.

Ch 4 leaves the reader ambivalent about Lane. Wanting to see her grow.

The voice reads like a novel for teens. Direct, focused on character and motivation. Really solid writing throughout the ch.

This should do well with its intended audience. Your MC is an engaging and believeable character. I like the realism of your story - not everything for the young should be fantasy based. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

This is one for my high school students. Easy reading, identifiable characters, interesting plot. You really draw us in to their lives. I read to the end, the ice cream--12 scoops, I felt sick myself. Listen, you got something here. Have you tested it on teens yet?

Hi, Benjamin!
It took longer than I expected, but I finally got a review from a student on Flamingnet.com. His first paragraph is little more than a rephrasing of my original pitch, but his second paragraph conveys his thoughts.
"This book was very well-written. I enjoyed the author's writing style. She made me hate certain characters (namely Jenna and Morgan) and love others (such as Ray and Lane). The plot did not always move fast, but her writing kept me interested long enough to get to the next event. The author also does a good job of throwing in a twist or two along the way, leading to a satisfying and slightly unexpected ending. I would definitely recommend this book to those who like a character-driven story."

Reviewer Age:16
Reviewer City, State and Country: Westerville, OH United States

And by the way, congrats on hitting top 5...I'm rooting for you!

Smooth beginning that reveals the setting so eloquently and with so little words I hardly notice I'm reading a book. The imagery enters through all senses, painting the picture perfectly. You do a marvelous job not over describing what's going on, and embed the quotes nicely without the use of "said" words, allowing the reader to form their own interpretation of the characters. Some little things I saw:
"But he's mean, she thought. A bully." This may just be my opinion, but it seems awkward how you rotate between italics and non-italics in her thoughts. It runs a little smoother if non-italics are thoughts through the third-person and italics through first-, as you did most everywhere else.
"She climbed up into the chair, plopping down..." This seems passive. "...and plopped down" sounds a little better.
Even those two examples are variable, which shows I'm having a pretty difficult time coming up with problems in your work. Very well-written. I wish you the best of luck with this!

Joel Juedes
Purple Eyes

very compelling and mysterious social drama. I wish I could read more.

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Carolyn -

Tuesday's Child - Gripping read. Running is a theme here, interspersed with flashbacks. I haven't read far enough to see how it orchestrates. The rejection of Lane is harrowing, and I want to know how she wins her fight, the race for survival.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Dear Carolyn,
I read enough of this to become enchanted with Lane Harris. I became so enchanted I forgot this was a Young Adult book, and when I remembered it was written for that genre, I was even more pleased. How refreshing to find such a hero for young teens, one who thinks beyond hormones and creatures from horror films. I like, too, how you flip back and forth from the run, from the grown up girl, to the memories. I also feel you did the abuse just right, not too much, but enough to seem real. Children face many kinds of abuse and so many bear it alone. One suggestion, perhaps quote that poem about . . . Monday's child is fair of face; Tuesday's child is full of grace somewhere or even drop lines from the poem here and there--just a crazy idea. Best of luck and stick with this story. I think Tuesday's child is a winner. Caroline/ Summer Rose
PS How does Summer Rose and the Soldier sound?

Yes, needs some polishing and tightening up, as most of our books do, but I'm looking at it overall. I quite like the way it goes back and forth between the race and her thoughts. I did wonder, however, if it's a bit too much of a fracture. I used to run, and I'm not sure I could have kept such a fluid and uninterrupted memory in my head while I deal with the physical act of running, the tactics and place keeping. Perhaps if it was integrated within the same chapter? I also wouldn't want it to be turn and turn about chapters for too long.

Otherwise, good dialogue. A character that is likeable but flawed and believable. Good show of her home life, where the kitchen belongs to the maid and there's no one to run out and see the picture. I think readers will want to follow her to see how it all pans out, and the pitch promises a read that is full of real life challenges and a journey,
Polly
STONES.

Carolyn,
Although I feel your story has promise it needs a great deal of polishing. Some thing left me confused as chracters are mentioned without introduction. POV gets off track at times, and I was unsure of some time frames.
These are some examples:
Ch1
Mills Valley raced in dead last. [This sounds clunky and I’m wondering if it is needed here.]
And time and preparation as well. [As well as what? Should this be a new paragraph?]
At just seventeen, nothing remained to this trail… [Why is her age pertinent to this sentence? Isn’t everyone in the race of the same age group?]

Ch2
We know who Lane is from ch1 but Camilla is just thrown I with no intro. The maid? The nanny? The Governess?
POV gets a bit muddied here. If it’s Lane’s would she use Master and Mistress?
Mother spent the day at The Olympia. [What is that?]
Father worked in the same city. [The same City as who?]

MickR - The Nightcrawler

Hi Carolyn,
I just finished reading your 6 chapters and am delighted to back your book. Your story is very appealing. In critiquing your book I thought the race scene in the begginning was too long. Became boring. Also, I've never been a fan of flashbacks which you use a lot. As I got more into the story and saw the way you were using them, I thought them okay, but there was a couple of places where it would be better not to split them up.

Are you sure this is a young adult story? It reads more like fiction for adults. At least in the chapters on authonomy.

I wish you much success with your book. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Sandra Davidson - COLD MOON RISING- a child in jeopardy thriller

Opening chapter is great. We meet the character and get an idea of her personality by both the voice and what she is doing, as well as a set up for what comes next (and I am interested in what those painful childhood memories might be). That had be turning the page to read on. The second chapter delivered as well. Strong writing throughout, and Lane is an awesome character. She's real and she's relate-able.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Written with true imagination that is rare to find. You have crafted the characters to perfection and will look forward to reading more of this - well done andy and vesna

This is a breath of fresh air. Your writing is crisp and succint, your paragraphs are tight and everything flows along nicely.

I am backing this with pleasure.

Best,
Cori
"Princess"

Carolyn-


I love your plot which tells your reader the realities of life. I do not basically judge the book's quality base from minor grammatical errors or lack of punctuatuions because these things do not affect the purest quality of the message and the theme you want to express in your story. I have just read chapters one to four and these chapters are enough to convince me that you are a good writer. The way you introduce your characters is very strong and clear and your pitch sounds really convincing. I hope that this literary piece will soon find its way to get published very soon.
Take care.

FLETCH

" Tuesdays child is full of grace" and this poor Tuesday's Child has the grace to survive a throwaway situation.

Carolyn Gibbs, backed and best.

GK Stritch

It's rare that a long pitch works. Yours did for me. It involved me in the story and once I'd opened ch1 I found myself opening ch2. Happily backed.

A well-crafted, simmering story with intriguing characters and compelling dialogue. Stunning imagery. Evocative narrative. Real people, real problems and real emotions. Well conceived. Well written. A fast-paced, intense read. Backed.

Lane is an engaging and interesting character and this story has many origianl touches to hook the reader. I could do with reading a bit more before i can comment on plot etc but what I have read so far is certainly entertaining with gritty dialogue and a good eye for character.

Chilling story, more so because it happens often. Great narrative and dialogue, and a well described world as seen through the eyes of an innocent child. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

You are totally fantastic, Caroline! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Tuesday's Child is a poignant story with a protagonist worth crying for. Backed with enthusiasm.

6:06 PM

Great short pitch. I can only think this is an early draft because it is perplexing. The Mother and Daddy have no introduction, we are to assume that the names now are Mummy and Daddy and then Camilla pops up, the child has been cowering in the stairwell, but Camilla apparently has also been fired, so her presence is ? Then there is no clear understanding, for me, as to why the child says to her rescuer I will have you fired - I am reminded of Flowers in the Attic. The imagery is wonderful the writing flows and I think this could be a belter of a book but the opening is crucial and for me, I will wait until the MC's work themselves out, this book makes me feel stupid and if I have missed something key forgive me, but I find the opening fabulously confusing whereas it could be just fabulous. The opening line is very strong. Loads of potential here FOUR BETTER FOUR WORSE

Wonderful story that captures the reader.

Great!


best

A thought provoking novel which offers an enthralling read when it's complete. Your characters stand up well never losing their realism and they're backed buy some good dialogue
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Dear Carolyn,
I found your writing to be poetic and filled with an intangible yearning. This story is difficult and seems autobiographical - hope it's mostly made up! Excellent writing - good luck with your book!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

This is a wonderful read with polished charcters and rich diolouge that compels us to keep turning pages. C W

This was great! I love the dynamics of small town politics. I grew up in a town that relied heavily on the lumber mill, even our family, and when it closed, so much changed! You've got some amazing characters, some you love and some, not so much. This is real life and you capture it perfectly. The writing is strong and very impressive! I would most definitely read on!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Tuesday's Child

Carolyn Gibbs

"Not all teens on the street are runaways...some are throwaways." This short pitch struck a chord. Not YA but perhaps quite a few YA will find this interesting and even be able to relate - egotistic socialite parents who use people like pawns on a chessboard, leaving the entire family on the butt-end of everyone's animosity are not uncommon. Most people anyway, YA or not, carry around some painful childhood memories - of course this is relative. Seventeen year old Lane is a sympathetic character and I think your style of writing even therapeutic. Wish I had more time to read it all Carolyn - but unfortunately I don't. Perhaps one day when it's in paper print. Happy to have given it a spin on my bookshelf.

I haven't read far into this, but already I can see that the tension is strong, the writing competent and economical. This is definitely worth a shelving. Best wishes for its success.

Bill

You've captured the scene and characters well. Good interaction between lane and Camilla. Nice smooth writing, and a strong ending to chapter 1

Backed

Scorselo

This is one for my high school students. Easy reading, identifiable characters, interesting plot. You really draw us in to their lives. I read to the end, the ice cream--12 scoops, I felt sick myself. Listen, you got something here. Have you tested it on teens yet?

Good story. I like the introduction. I also like your writing style--I'm a fan of short paragraphs, I think it's easier to read.

Nikki B
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DRAGON FIRE and:
WORMS

What a simple and uncluttered style you have. I could not put this down and will read any extra chapters you upload. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

I love to hear she fights to survive, struggling to salvage her friendship with Father RAy and her life. I back this book first before i read further chapters. I am so glad to find this book. Real life story is the my first priority to back it.
Bamboo Promise

It is so refreshing to come across a novel in the Young Adult genre that doesn't rely on vampires or dragons to move the plot, the market as well as Authonomy is saturated with them. This is about real life situations and people which is so much more tragic. A real gem of a find here. It is the sort of book a young adult would rip through in one night! Down to earth charcterizations and dialogue and talented writing make this a book to watch. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle