Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 68231
date submitted 06.09.2010
date updated 31.07.2013
genres: Fiction, Comedy, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Weekend in Weighton

Terry Murphy

First-time private investigator Eddie Greene is having a bad weekend. It’s about to get worse …

 

When Eddie finds the slab-cold body of his first client, he knows something’s up – he only spoke to her fifteen minutes earlier.

Free-wheeling, trash-talking Eddie is not just out of place in a humdrum northern town. He’s out of depth on his first case, out of funds from a now deceased client and out of favour with Weighton’s big society.

As Friday night slides into Saturday morning, each twist turns a bad situation worse; the police want him for murder, the local crime boss wants him dead, the mayor wants him out of town and his girlfriend wants him out of her life.

Increasingly desperate, Eddie takes on all-comers in a barnstorming bid to clear his name. And somewhere between all the froth and fury, his affections are reclaimed by the girl who got away – but will she abide ‘til Monday?

“Great fun with some cracking jokes - it reminded me of the Lynne Truss serial on Radio 4.” Sue Fletcher, Deputy MD, Hodder & Stoughton

“Engaging, controlled, visual and fast-paced. Lots of action - a strong sense of tongue-in-cheek.” Caroline Smailes, Harper Collins author, ‘In Search of Adam’



 
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tags

crime, dark humour, detective, first love, irreverent, mayor, northern town, parody, solicitor, spoof, thriller, underworld, wordplay

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HarperCollins Wrote

Broad Overview
Plot Summary
Self-proclaimed PI ‘Nice Guy Eddie’ Greene finds himself embroiled in a murder investigation when he finds his first client dead. Things are complicated by the fact that the deceased was having an affair with the Mayor, and that she apparently phoned Eddie fifteen minutes before he found her – already several hours cold. Add in local councilor-cum-gangster Jimmy ‘Kingpin’ Cartwright, Eddie’s childhood love Kate and current flame Debbie – plus his ever-worried mum – and things get increasingly complicated as the story unfolds.
Genres & Similar Authors
There are hints of Jasper Fforde in the fast-paced dialogue and twist-driven narrative. On the non-humorous side of things, Paul Auster’s New York Trilogy is the classic postmodern noir work, and well worth reading if you haven’t yet.
First Impressions
Confident and capable writing, though it sometimes relies a little too heavily on comic asides and overdone metaphors.
Weaknesses
I found the beginning was not the strongest part of the narrative, and I felt like I had to wade through for quite a while before my attention was really piqued. I liked the choice to show the events of Friday before the lead-up to them – this can be a great way of instantly getting the reader involved with the story – but I think this could be done better. There is a lot of dialogue in this beginning section, and whilst I think generally you write dialogue well, and have a good ear for writing the way people actually speak (much harder to do than you would think!), it makes this section quite long-winded and distances the reader. Because we don’t, as yet, know exactly what trouble Eddie has got himself into, I found that the stream of different characters and events referenced (especially around Eddie’s explanation of why he involved the Mayor) only highlighted to me how little I understood of what was going on. I think this first section would be much improved by cutting it down, so that we get to the first cliffhanger – “Tommy pulled a gun from his jacket and placed it against the side of my head. The smoothness of the barrel pressed into my hairline…a plump wood pigeon took flight, high in the branches just as Tommy pulled the trigger.” – a lot quicker.
You have a very well defined style, and situate your novel clearly within the comic detective/noir genre. From the very first sentences of the story, it is immediately obvious what kind of book the reader is about to read – again, this is a lot harder to do than it sounds. However, sometimes the text becomes over-laden with metaphors and self-referential asides, and it does not flow as smoothly as it might. For example, Eddie’s aside, “Dear God, but I was a handsome git, even if I said so myself – which I did”, whilst being a potentially good insight into the character, pulls us away from the narrative – he’s in a car, freshly roughed-up, and being taken to see The Boss, and it doesn’t feel right that he would be making such asides now. I would advise looking carefully at the metaphors, jokes and asides throughout the text, and using them more sparingly. If they don’t add to the narrative/characterization and fit with what is happening or being said at that point – be brutal and cut.
Strengths
As mentioned above, the dialogue is snappy and frequently very funny. Eddie’s witty comebacks to Jimmy in the first section (“He stared back at me. ‘So, where were we?’ ‘Bleeding prothfusely I think.’”) were particular highlights in an otherwise difficult passage. Eddie and Kate’s relationship is another source of excellent dialogue (“’Come on. I’ll take you to A&E.’ ‘Is that like a proper date?’”). The scene where she explains why she left school without warning is great, and a nice emotional counterpart to the more comic aspects of the narrative. Eddie as a whole is a very likeable character, and his enthusiasm for PI-ing could be the lynchpin of the book. I think he could be developed further, as the bumbling but zealous junior PI getting way out of his depth, as currently it is not immediately clear why he has become a PI, or what he was doing before. That said, the revelation that this is his first case is very well done, disguised as a throwaway comment: “I’d never not solved a case, and I didn’t intend to start with my first.” This kind of aside speaks volumes about Eddie, without resorting to long descriptions of the type of person he is.
Pace-wise, I think you have it more or less spot on. The narrative is constantly moving, there are frequent reveals and plot twists, and no sections that drag unnecessarily. The ending is good – not too abrupt or rushed – and, as you say, there is a lot of space for sequels around Eddie’s character.
Decision
I think you are a very good writer, and there are elements of this novel which are fantastic – with a bit of thorough polishing, it could be even better (particularly the frequent asides and metaphors like “I changed tack and sailed straight to the point”, which make it feel overwritten). However, I don’t think I’m convinced that the concept works. Eddie’s character has two sides, and I struggled to reconcile them. On the one hand he is a happy-go-lucky amateur PI, who lives with his mum and accidentally ends up caught up in a murder investigation and in the sights of a local gangster mob. This could lead to a lot of humorous adventures. But on the other hand, Eddie is intelligent, witty, and genuinely appealing to a woman like Kate. Why, then, does he seem so young in dealings with his mother or in his PI ambitions? Why has he been content with menial jobs or unemployed all these years whilst Kate has been training to be a solicitor? Why does he suddenly turn to sleuthing? I think you are a good enough writer to solve a lot of these problems, but I still see underlying conflicts between Eddie’s two sides, the case, and the small-town setting. As it is, I don’t think all of these things quite fit together. As a result, we will not be asking to see this MS again as it is not currently right for us.

Daniel Escurel Occeno wrote 260 days ago

Congratulations! - Daniel Escurel Occeno

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 378 days ago

RCG Review - Weekend in Weighton

Pitch: good, catchy, hooky, etc etc. didn't care for the word "abide" here... and didn't really care for the quotes. this is personal taste though, no biggy

Characterization: since i make notes as i read, i'll start with Tommy... brilliant. you could easily have described him as a big ol' thug, but you went above and beyond. nicely played. Loved the descriptiopn of Eddie, first by comparison to the J-crew, and second to his own reflection. he's smug, yeah? love it.

Plot: guy goes to his home town of butt-f*ck-nowhere, to stop a blackmailer, and ends up part of a bigger case... i didn't read enough to get to the romance

Setting: small northern town of Weighton... not sure this is a real place or fictional, not sure where in the world is located, but my guess is somewhere in the UK - "mum" and "lad" are my only clues. present day... if this is a historic piece, it's horribly written... if it's futuristic, i haven't come across any robots yet :)

Theme: see plot. i have no idea what the difference is.

Style/Voice: "thankth" - haha, i love Eddie - this is a great way to describe Eddie's injury. "through the sheets" had me in stitches. love the "on cue, whilst in queue" moment

Dialogue: Eddie's a smart ass and i love it. i don't know what "QED" is, and i feel like i should.

Show, Don't Tell: great hook at the end of the first chapter - all of the showing happens with dialogue, and Eddie's sarcastic thoughts - cannot possibly love this anymore than i do.

My thoughts: Firstly, I know we're not really supposed to "RCG" this since you made desk... we're supposed to give you an Amazon review instead, but i still don't know how to do that... sorry. And really, just because your book has an award doesn't mean it shouldn't be read :)

The beauty of reading a book that's already been awarded (in theory) is that the author has already done all the required polishing, and nitpicky critiques have already been attended to. It makes this book easy reading, i can just kick back and read and not look for the little things, because quite frankly, even if i looked there wouldn't be any to find. except possibly "dovetailed" - this is one word? really? thought it'd be hyphenated :)

weird that Mrs P only had neck swelling and bruises yet he thought the murderer took implants - wouldn't that be a bloody mess?

read four chapters instead of three, because a) your second chapter was too short to be classed a chapter, and b) i'm addicted... i'd have read more but i'm at work and had to stop.

fantastic, six stars, and a place on my... oh wait, ok, no place on my shelf, it's too late for that... but flattery... that's gotta count for something, no?


cheers
Jaclyn
My Life Without Me

bjack wrote 410 days ago

From what I see, good sensory imagery, especially spatial, and quick-moving dialogue. Sounds like in interesting plot. Good luck with it!

Katarina66 wrote 412 days ago

I never fail to be amazed by the quality of writing on this board. I wish I couldback every one I have looked at so far. I have only read this chapter, but it is enough for me to know that you are an experienced and skilled writer. I will look it out on Amazon. Good luck.

phillc wrote 412 days ago

really enjoyed this first chapter think il catch up on some more

DCHedlin wrote 413 days ago

Engaging, humorous. Moves along with very good pace. Written with confidence. My only comment would be, written with perhaps too much confidence. It's the character's appeal, and his insurance, to be witty, facetious, sarcastic. There are times he makes two jokes when one would be enough. The second joke should be pocketed, saved for another time, allow the rhythm to carry on. As well, he has such a light-hearted manner, even when sitting between two gangsters heading out of town, being walked into the woods, being put on the ground and shot, that it stretches believablity just a bit, not a lot. Perhaps knowing a bit more about him - and we do see him bit by bit, but not the right things in time to make the reader question the situation, question his faith. He had calculated that things wouldn't go as it was threatening to go, but there might have been a touch more gravitas there, and again in conversation with the police about the woman's death. I don't know anything about police questioning in England or in Canada, for that matter, so I wouldn't know how to define the circumstances of the conversation with Eddie, partly because the history with the police isn't spelled out yet, but there isn't a lawyer, they are able to physically threaten him, and it won't compromise the evidence? I dont' know. As I said,perhaps I'm not quite understanding the circumstances of their meeting. It is entertaining. Good luck at the end of the month.

emarie wrote 415 days ago

This remind me of a story or rather a series of novels, but I can't place it at the moment. But suffice it to say, I'd read this.
--emarie
Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

stearn37 wrote 418 days ago

Hi
What a fantastic read, very enjoyable.
Backed and lots of stars.
Cheers
John Stearn
Author of Derilium

BanYon wrote 418 days ago

Just found this but what a great opening. I'll read and review in full shortly. I've downloaded the whole book from Amazon so I'll leave a review there too.

Daisy Hay wrote 418 days ago

This is a great read. Old school British Gangster / thriller.

Lyn4ny wrote 421 days ago

Only read chapter one so far but I like it. Well written and thought provoking with great flow. Awesome character development and storyline. Will be back for more. High Stars. Would love a return read when you have a chance to do so. Good Luck to you!

-Lyn

Geoff Green wrote 422 days ago

Chandleresque indeed. Damn good read and well written. I also agree that it should be made 'US available'. I know some folks 'out there' who'd really like it. My only criticism - it's a little short...
I read Authonomy books that grab me and not, necessarily, to push up ratings.
All best. wishes for your writing career
Geoff

Eileen Kay wrote 425 days ago


This has sassy, pacy thriller written all over it. The basic ingredients are very appealing, and the pitch is written with zest and a good feel for the genre. Which Lynn Truss Radio-4 series did that crit mean, I wonder? I'm curious now.

When you say northen town, sorry to ask, but are you only wanting a UK audience? I think people in the USA would like this. Could there be some sly mention of which country we're in? Just a thought. I think that would widen the appeal. I did have to ask myself, for a second.

Personally I wouldn't put those reviews in the blurb at this point. Maybe on a real book jacket, OK. I can't really say why that struck a wrong note with me, but there you are, a first impression fresh off the press. It is totally ignorable, as all these things are, of course.

Now that I start merely the first paragraph of chapter one, I am sure Americans would like this. (I'm a USA/UK dual nationality). This has classic old private eye wit right from the start, and that's engaging. Very stylish. Of course Raymond Chandler comes to mind.

Here I must admit that this sort of thriller is not my sort of read, and so I am not in your target audience. However, if I read turillers, I'd certainly read this. It's got all the hallmarks of a good thriller, plus a sense of huour, and that's often missing.

Entertaining and witty, it has TV or certainly radio potential lurking too I think.

best wishes from
Eileen Kay
The Noodle Trail

Trenor wrote 426 days ago

Wow. Raymond Chandler-esque. I love it.
Full stars and backed!

Trenor
-The Lords of Invention

MC Storm wrote 427 days ago

Reading this reminded me of the Rockford files. Oops dating myself aren't I. Eddie taking abuse...I enjoyed the action and the dialogue fits just right. I can understand why it's on the Ed's desk.
Well done!
MC
Exposed

William Holt wrote 431 days ago

I had no difficulty reading this to the end. The nearest thing to it I know is the Toby Peters series by Stuart Kaminsky, with its hapless detective getting abused by everyone while spouting one-liners and finally solving his case. All that's missing is the famous historical personage that Kaminsky slips into each of the Peters novels.

I enjoyed the wit, the nonstop action, and the compassionate ending. Eddie G. strikes me as a scaled-down Philip Marlowe, described by his author in one of the most concise and compelling descriptions of a character I know: “...down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor—by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world."

The description seems a bit heavy and sententious for Eddie, who as I said is more Toby than Philip, but he's courageous, uncorruptible, and witty. And he lives with his mother! A most likeable character in a most unlikeable situation.

Bill
Faust's Butterfly, A Stony Path

Jimi Bates wrote 433 days ago

Gansta! Great read Terry, only a few chapters in but love it.

Kevin Sand wrote 435 days ago

I really liked it. Good stuff. I'll read on.

M Morgan wrote 436 days ago

I can see the characters clearly enough from your dialogue. Intrigue grabs instantly, and well written.

Mik wrote 437 days ago

Love the title and the cover’s a 'doozer' ;) Pitches are well constructed and engaging. Who wouldn't want to find out what Eddie’s been up to and what he’s getting himself in to?

First chapter and straight away the reader is thrown into the action. Not sure how that affects the sympathy card, after all, the reader doesn’t know this guy from Adam. But pretty soon I was there pulling for him. I like the way you describe the machinations of Eddie’s thinking. He’s right there in the thick of it and still able to take in his surroundings, plan his exit. This does happen; I can vouch for it, as one who’s been on the end of such aggression. It’s like slow-motion. Surprising how much the brain can take in when the adrenalin’s pumping and escape is tantamount.

And still, in the thick of it, Eddie’s able to make us laugh ‘…this was the second time we’d met and we still hadn’t got to the small talk …’ Great line :D

I think you handle the ‘what does he look like’ description very well. I was beginning to gag a bit but the line ‘… dear God, but I was a handsome git …’ pulled me right back in there.

This is a pacey, lively read. There’s intrigue from the off … who’s the woman Eddie called and why is he being manhandled by an obvious thug and who is Jimmy. There are hooks in almost every line. Eddie’s personality is right there from the start – in other words the ‘voice’ in this story is exceptional. I am Eddie, grappling for air and the female readership will want to dress his wounds!

I can’t add much to what’s already been said about this, Terry. But it’s certainly one I will be adding to my collection. Brava and the best of luck with sales ... oh yeah, and the review ;)

soutexmex wrote 437 days ago

You got the gold medal this time, hombre. Sorry for the delay in backing but I only come to the site once a month.

No need to back my book as I have already made the desk but if you want to leave a constructive comment, that would be appreciated. Thx!

Cheers!
JC

Sneaky Long wrote 439 days ago

Hey Terry,

I am moving to chapter 3 and I like your setup. Very clean and visual. Eddie Greene involved in something he had been warned to stay out of. Brought to the brink of death, he finally realizes a reprieve is in the offering. A cruel joke has been played on him by a psychotic gangster. All done in the first person. I like it.

In the third and fourth chapters we begin to see what the fuss is about. A dead client. A rich widow. A private detective, Eddie, who has only been a detective for a day and a half. The mayor involved sexually with the widow. Police trying to brow beat Eddie, but he holds his ground while making wisecracks at the cops efforts.

This is all really good stuff. Didn't notice any nit-pics. The story is moving nicely with good pace. I particularly like the banter between the detectives and Eddie. Not sure why Eddie is giving them such a hard time, but maybe that will be made clear later. Overall, this is a very polished and well written piece. I look forward to reading more as the tangled web you have woven begins to unravel.

Very good with max stars and watch list. I will get you on the shelf soon.

Sneaky Long
"Trophy Wives"

Ray Dan Parker wrote 442 days ago

Outstanding! I especially like your dialog. I get a clear sense of each character from his voice.

EMDelaney wrote 442 days ago

Weekend in Weighton is an excellent read! Character driven action, combined with a clever plot will make the reader feel like they are traveling too fast on a mountain road full of ess curves. Humor is inserted as a bonus. This is simply a well-rounded manuscript with a lot to offer the reader.

E M Delaney
THE WRITE-IN

C W Bigelow wrote 445 days ago

Terry - backed you back in 2010. You are so close - hope it helps a little. Good luck! CW Bad Night for Animals.

Seringapatam wrote 454 days ago

Terry, I thought I had commented on this and just checked but I hadnt. Its a no brainer for me and as I am about to hit the sack I will make this easy. Top story, so well told. You are really good with your descriptive voice and its that that makes me never want to stop reading. As I said, so easy, I loved it and its an easy 6 stars. So well done and good luck with it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

Silentnovelist wrote 454 days ago

This rollercoaster of a detective story begins and (bar the Police station) more or less ends at Weighton Town Hall. By the end of the book I could direct you there myself, so familiar did this small town's streets and its good citizens and shady crooks and doubtful coppers feel to me. Weighton's First and Foremost Private Detective Eddie G, with his fabled sixth sense and `deliberately untidy mop of blond hair and steadfast jaw', was a handsome git, (his words, not mine) and although it wasn't love at first sight (I was laughing too much) by the time the story ended I think I was a little in love. Charmed, certainly.

This is a cracking story, told in such an original and engaging way I'm not sure quite how to put it into words. Eddie, never lost for words, would not struggle! From the start I laughed at Eddie's sizzling one-liners, and for a while I just enjoyed the ride. It was as if I'd climbed aboard the Waltzer at Weighton's funfair and from a safe distance could watch the incredible events of Eddie's action-packed weekend unfold before me in vivid cinematic technicolour. Full of unpredictable twists and entertaining turns I think what stood out for me was the genuinely engaging `voice' of the author, his forensic eye for detail and an outstanding sense of place. I was there, and if ever I need a private detective I want Eddie G on the case. I sensed an atmosphere a bit like in the old-style detective movies (think raincoat, Fedora tilted low, Dick Tracy-ish) but there any similarity ends other than Eddie's love of his dad's old Detective films with which he formed a close relationship during a long period of unemployment after dropping out of college. This is highly original, with Eddie on his bicycle dodging crooks and policemen and pursuing his first love Kate, who has returned to her home town a fully fledged solicitor. Handy in Eddie's new line of work.

With romance a possibility and his Dad's good name to maintain and his beloved Mum to look out for Eddie has a lot on his hands already, without the Nkongos and dodgy coppers and Team Jimmy and the rest of the mob. Not to mention that he has somehow managed to get himself implicated in the murder of a certain lady of a certain age. So, with his own name to clear, and just a weekend to do it, like Eddie said, `It was turning out to be an exceptional day' - and that was just Friday.

Without giving too much away, this book was so much more than I expected. Yes, there are punch-ups (with perfect comic timing) but to me it positively sang with an irrepressibly good spirit - Eddie's - and underlying all the humour and smart quips and song lyric chat-up lines was the hope that everything would work out for him, in life, in love, and with his family. A jubilant , uplifting read - I loved it. Or as Eddie would say - Hi Ho Silver.

This is the same review I posted on Amazon but for authonomy I want to add that you write beautifully and there was not a typo or grammatical error to be seen. Good luck with your HC editor's review!

Danny Writer wrote 454 days ago

Read the first couple of chapters last night. I had Bob Hoskins in mind for Jimmy. Would make a great film. I don’t want to shelve anything until my book is up but it’s on the WL

Danny Writer wrote 454 days ago

Read the first couple of chapters last night. I had Bob Hoskins in mind for Jimmy. Would make a great film. I don’t want to shelve anything until my book is up but it’s on the WL.

Hayley Green wrote 455 days ago

Entertaining read with some good punchy writing.

This has the tone of an English "Raymond Chandler" with its fast dialogue and dark humour which I fell into really quickly and enjoyed.

For me, two areas where I think the novel could be strengthened were in the descriptions (some chapters are just fast to-and-fro dialogue which can be quite wearing as we need to reflect and need to see something of Eddie's thoughts on events as opposed to what comes out of his mouth. That might also offer another opportunity for that razor-sharp humour.

The other area was the structure. The shift in chronology I could live with, but the all important first chapters left me feeling Eddie was just a victim, not a worthwhile protagonist. Maybe if you could introduce upfront what he wants or doesn't want - so that we see Jimmy as an obstacle to that. I did quite like the idea that he wasn't master of his own destiny and was buffeted about by things around him, but I think I wanted him to feel as if he was more in control earlier on (even if he wasn't).

The real likes for me were the tone and the voice. We get Eddie's character quickly and easily and it makes for a fast, easy, enjoyable read.

Tod Schneider wrote 458 days ago

Fine, cheeky writing and snappy patter. All stars and shelved! Best of luck!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/48620/ladle-beginagin/

R. Dango wrote 461 days ago

I don't know why I've waited this long to read this book. This is cool! The pace, the plot, the dialogues, everything rocks!

Ex-Black Woman wrote 465 days ago

Dear Terry, I enjoyed reading your riveting introduction! I look forward to reading more because of it! The very Best to all your endeavors this 2013!

Celine Zabel wrote 466 days ago

Terry,

I loved it! Faced paced James Bond like stuff. You roll off the one liners faster than....well you finish that sentence--you're the expert. Wow. Good writing. Congratulations!

Celine Zabel
Live Shattered: One Mother's Loss at the Hands of the Legal System

Software wrote 466 days ago

Very catchy title, so not surprising that Weekend in Weighton's content is just as marketable. As the title suggests, all the action takes place over 48 hours of intrigue, double dealing and murder, mixed in with dark humour and the occasional flash of girl action. There is lots to commend this work. It flows with both focus and verve to reveal the characters foibles and the plot development. My only reservation is that at 38,039 words complete, it is well short of the minimum 80,000 word expectation from most paperback publishers. Highly starred and WL'ed.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

subra_2k123 wrote 467 days ago

poor Eddie! of all the professions he chose a job that won't fit to his stature(bodily and brainly), just to be tossed between hot pans like Jimmy and Tommy. He is yet to realize that his worst enemy would never come into this story.
His name is Terry Murphy!!!. I enjoyed the read so far and coined the idea that if the writer punishes (so hard like a sadist ) one of his character....
I like the comedy between the lines. Highly starred.
venkatarama
Ozoneraser

Cathy Hardy wrote 468 days ago

Love this book, very funny and written beautifully.

fictionguy8 wrote 472 days ago

At last a book with humor, I just read the first three chapters, but I will come back to see where you are headed. Good writing, good pace and a sense of humor too. high stars.

Goliath Stokes wrote 477 days ago

I've only read 25% of the first chapter and I want to read 100% more of the entire book. This is good writing on so many levels. On my bookshelf... highly rated.

Goliath Stokes
The Thrill of Losing

subra_2k123 wrote 477 days ago

Good humor. Enjoyed reading so far.

venkatarama
Ozoneraser

Bruce Vaughan wrote 484 days ago

Well you certainly grabbed my attention from the word go. Great dialogue that carries the story and makes one laugh at the same time. I have read four chapters and am watching it with the view to reading more soon.
Bruce
A Successful Outcome

himani rawat nayal wrote 485 days ago

Hello Terry,
Judging by the cover I was expecting ‘Hardy Boys’ kind of work but I am really enjoying reading this faced pace thriller.
This is racy, humorous and ticking amusing, in your own words ‘take a big and multiply’.
High stars and wish you all the very best
Himani
She Was

Tornbridge wrote 487 days ago

I like this site for books like this. I have seen the cover many many times but for some unknown reason never ventured in to reading.

Compelling opening chapter with a great hook. There’s a pleasing mix of noir and classic gangster here - the fast mouth protagonist out of their depth.

It’s a well trodden genre but what shines for me is the quality of writing. Expertly done, with a perfect balance of cool dialog and slick prose. Going by the ease of the dialog of chapter 4 there’s a screenplay in here for sure.
I hope this goes on to great things - it certainly deserves it.You have a talent Terry.

Tornbridge
The Washington Adventure

Sally M wrote 497 days ago

Got to chapter 5 without even realising it! Thoroughly enjoying your easy style and humour - let's get you up to the Ed desk pronto!

Sally
The Psychic Detective Agency

Edentity wrote 500 days ago

Someone on the forum was asking for bloke-lit - and I reckon this would fit the bill very nicely. I'll say upfront, it's not my usual type of read so take any comments with a HUGE pinch of salt - I loathe crime and have no sense of humour whatsoever, so respect for keeping me reading for eight chapters...I stopped there as it seemed appropriate - Weighton-wise. :)
TItle, cover and pitch don't really do the book justice, IMO. I'm crap at them myself but might be worth having another think. The cover puts me in mind of a boys-own book (as in small boys - around 8 or 9). Y'know the thing - clever gang on their BMXs (but that could be my poor eyesight).
Humour is great - Eddie is such a prat, such a smart-ass everygeezer - he's a good character. My lip curled a lot - as close as I get to smiling - at some of his quips and your one-liners.
Is humour enough to keep a book trekking along? Probably actually. I found, tbh, that I didn't give a shit about the mayor and the tough guys and wotnot, even the poor old corpse - I was just waiting for the next laugh line.

What snagged me?
- The time-line. Okay, so I have a thick head and am feeling a bit dense but I kept having to click back to find out where I was.
- The decomposing body. She's been there a few hours and she's decomposing? Okay, so there's some 'thing' going on about the time-frame but somebody somewhere needs to say, 'hang about, a stiff don't start stinking in that amount of time'. You mention piss and shit later on which would account for the smell... or am I missing something?
- 'Huge Victorian manor house' = 4, Priory Road. ???? When you said manor house I was thinking very big house in the country. Is it a technical term for a certain kind of big town house? Cos it's new to me.
- 'Who's been tweetin' - kinda gives the wrong tone in these days of Twitter. Or maybe it was deliberate?
- I felt like I needed a bit more description to get a feel for this place. Not swathes - just a wee bit more.

Nice peripheral characters - I like Mum, I love poor Debbie's attitude and Kate is coming along nicely as the sidekick. For some reason I was put in mind of a dour English version of The Big Easy. Which made me think you needed a killer soundtrack and some sex. But hey, that's me...

I can think of a whole lotta guys I know who'd love this so I reckon there's definitely a market for it. What trad publishing would make of it is another matter entirely so I can see why you;'re flying solo with it.
Will toss you onto my shelf when I can make space - certainly in time for your desk debut. :)

Sorry. This probably isn't very helpful. You write really well - will be very interested to see what you do next.

Oh, and I am shamelessly appropriating 'cluster-shit of a day'. Though, in my case, it's cluster-shit of a year. :D

R.J. Blain wrote 512 days ago

Greetings, Terry! Thank you very much for your comment on Storm Without End. Sorry this took so long to get to you, I meant to do it yesterday, but I was swamped with the paid writing and that had to come first.

I hope you find my comments useful. I hesitate mentioning a lot about what could use improvements on a book that is already published, so I hope that you don’t mind that I leave my comments in terms of what I think could be potentially improved for the next book.

Short Pitch: This didn’t grab me. It is too cliché for me, and doesn’t tell me anything about the character except he is a private investigator. Everyone has bad weekends now and then, and they usually do get worse, so I think there is probably a better way to have this be more hooking.

Long Pitch: This line naggled at me. I don’t think the ‘only’ fits, it isn’t really the right word, and I think there is a stronger way to phrase it. (he only spoke to her fifteen minutes earlier.)

That out of the way, the long pitch is much stronger than the short pitch. Not my usual style of book, but it looks interesting enough.

The first chapter is interesting – I think it takes off a bit slow and there wasn’t much to hook me in within the first few couple of paragraphs – once you get past telling us things and start showing them, your style is a lot more amusing and your character is a real doozy. He’s hard to dislike with his attitude, but at the same time, I almost had a hard time buying his general reactions.

What I liked: The humor. (However, that said, because of so much humor, it broke the conflict and tension and turned this into a comedy, effectively decreasing the cliffhanger factor for me at the end of the chapter. Just something you may want to be aware of.)

Your characters are pretty strong, though it did feel like a bit like everyone fit into neat stereotypes, especially the kingpin and the minion. You play the stereotypes well, but at the same time, it did give the whole thing a bit of a flat feel for me.

What I think needed improvement: While your descriptions are sparse to begin with, you rely on people’s comprehension of the time period (of which I really have no idea what time period it is in from reading…) to fill in the blanks where you should be maybe taking a little more time to do descriptions. I found it was hard to get mental images with this writing style because there is so much of a reliance on already having a sense of the era and time period.

You include the day of the week and the time, so why not include a year and an specific date, too? That’d at least give a solid image to work with. Just my opinion, though.

Your writing style works really well for humor, though I fear I wasn’t really able to take the characters – and his problems – very seriously because it has that irreverent style to it that almost ensures that it’ll work out somehow and that we’re really along for the ride to laugh at (and potentially with) the character.

Hope that you find something of use in my comments. Good luck with your sales.

patio wrote 525 days ago

backed and 6 stars

R.E. Ader wrote 533 days ago

Skillfully done, this should do very well.

CharlieGreen wrote 535 days ago

Recommended by my brother ... this is loads of fun but underneath Eddie's charm there's a seriousness that is well executed. I like this, Terry :)

Charlie

Orlando Furioso wrote 541 days ago

Cheers Terry, I have you on and will stick with you till you make it and get some HC comment, I hope you make it in Nov and will be able to relax over Xmas. Will seek out your story on amazon.

More anon.

Ron