Hotel Le Brambily

Hotel Le Brambily by David.

The problem with most of these books on this site and in particular your book David, is that it should have already been snatched up by a publisher.

Hotel Le Brambily has, from what I have read, a fast pace and a good storyline. You seem to be an old hand at writing. I just love the setup and where the story is going and am most humbled by your invitation to the hotel, all expenses paid.

Your writing is most descriptive therefore making it most delightful to be part of the scene. I would really like to see this book in bookstores, be able to buy a copy and curl up in bed on an overcast day like today and just read Hotel Le Brambily.

The problem with reading books online is that there is always a time limit. Reading books on line at Authonomy is for the purposes of comment and backing. Where books like Hotel Le Brambily should be in paperback form, ready to read, for enjoyment and entertainment of the senses.

Dear David, Here, I am to read & comment on your 2nd book :) Your pitch sucked me in to see the huge jump in time with your hero & heroine. :) What a write :) - what a great imagination. :) "Before I was even born," was a great phrase. :) Your dialogue & paragraphs are nice & tight providing a nice read. :) Is there a 3rd book in the brew, now? :) Love, Susie :) p.s. We've already back each other's books. :) Thank you. :)

Dear David


i would buy it for myself for sure. well crafted, and soooo real to me...that is due to your writing skills. such talent and ability with words to create quite the animated movie in my head
CONGRATS I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear David

Your long pitch gives me the chills - and the story is so well told, with a clearness, a cleanness that makes me want to read and read. I love it. An amazingly well written book, gorgeous.

I think I can guess the twist in the tale...

All the best with this. An editor would be mad to pass it up! Top marks!!

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

HOTEL LE BRAMBILY

This is a fast moving, enjoyable story. Dialogue is a strength of your writing. The “universal law” references work to join everything together. I like the way you introduce the mystery slowly (first the feeling of having been there before, then knowing where the hotel will be located, then the lapse in time . . .). Pulls a reader to want to follow the rest of the story. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Hotel Le Brambily
Hi David. This is an amazing story, one I’d love to curl up with and savour. It’s not just the intriguing premise – I love a mystery and I was hooked immediately by your pitch – but you also have a fabulous writing style: clear, pacy, descriptive and no wasted words!
Highly starred and to be backed. Deserves more support.
Kat (Hens from Hell)

Hi David, Good texture of dialogue and setting during this time with Toby. And the time-backs came smoothly, fascinating especially because Toby thinks the protagonist is having a breakdown. It begins to lure with Phillip's desire to find out about Rita. Well-written and shelved - Katherine

I like the way you think it’s going to be about one thing, “everyone remembers where they were” etc, but then it turns out to be the least expected ... falling in love with a ghost, but not just any old ghost. Rita.

I like the writing style, eg “the smooth and very successful publisher”. It flows well. The descriptions of France are witty, “like England but cleaner”.

I like the detour for water and then Toby, “his soon to be ex-publisher” waiting asleep at the wheel. The session with Rita in the chilling Hotel le Brambily is an interesting idea. I got the full weirdness about the air going cold, and the significance to the plot was nicely underlined by Toby's humour.

In 2, I started to consider the time paradox, the killing of grandparents, Hitler etc. My novel concerns a time shift, and I started to speculate along with the characters, which is good. Philip’s growing obsession with Rita the ghost made me wonder how exactly it was going to develop. I like that he really does end up washing his mouth with red wine.

Toby’s dismissal of the manuscript and the imagery of shrapnel is very strong. Toby changes here. It’s quite creepy and a little unsettling. The idea of this hotel is great. I think your novel has a lot going for it. Chilly Rita in the hotel comes over as a plausible time shift ghost lover, more than a little addictive and not too good for Philip's health. But then Toby and Philip are always somehow outside in the healthy sun and warmth. There’s a lot going on here. Very good. Backed and rated.

Super. My sort of thing. Shelved and rated. More later.

Hi David, I've read a couple of chapters and I think you've got a really interesting idea here! Phillip's encounter with Rita and then his discovery about the fire are great hooks and would keep any reader interested.

The one question I found it raised was why a derelict building had stood for so long undisturbed? And more importantly, if it had stood that long, how a gold piece of jewellery managed to go unnoticed! Perhaps you explain it in later chapters, is just seemed very convenient for Phillip that nothing had disturbed the building for so long.

I'll be back to read more at some point, this has a very interesting start!

KT

Hi David,

I've just read Chapter 1. Here are my notes.

There's a lot of beautifully-written prose and vivid imagery in your opening chapter, and I like the voices of your protagonist and supporting cast. The initial plot points unfold at a nice pace, and I'm curious to know what's going to happen next. Good stuff!

Possible areas of improvement (please take all with a grain of salt):

I think a little editing polish could go a long way here to make this flow even more smoothly. There are some grammatical mistakes. These are nothing major. You may want to brush up on the rules for hyphenated adjectives and adverbs, though--you seem to be consistently missing these. There are some places where I might have structured dialog a little differently, in terms of paragraph breaks and the mechanics of prepending, inserting, or appending the "s/he said + [adverb/modifier/description]". Obviously this is all my personal preference.

Again, personal preference, but there are a few word choices here and there that you might discuss with an editor. The "shackled to my face" phrase, for example, jangled in my mind.

I felt that the sex scene happened quite suddenly and with very little lead-in. Obviously there's some fantasy or magical realism going on here, so I'm supposed to suspend my disbelief, but the fact that the father doesn't protest more, or that the protagonist doesn't stop to think more before bedding the girl made me sort of roll my eyes. I think you can make your character more credible if a little more internal conflict goes on about this.

Best of luck,

Maudie

Hotel Le Brambily by David.

The problem with most of these books on this site and in particular your book David, is that it should have already been snatched up by a publisher.

Hotel Le Brambily has, from what I have read, a fast pace and a good storyline. You seem to be an old hand at writing. I just love the setup and where the story is going and am most humbled by your invitation to the hotel, all expenses paid.

Your writing is most descriptive therefore making it most delightful to be part of the scene. I would really like to see this book in bookstores, be able to buy a copy and curl up in bed on an overcast day like today and just read Hotel Le Brambily.

The problem with reading books online is that there is always a time limit. Reading books on line at Authonomy is for the purposes of comment and backing. Where books like Hotel Le Brambily should be in paperback form, ready to read, for enjoyment and entertainment of the senses.

This is certainly an intriguing tale and I like it! Lots of questions put forward that need answering and the only way to find the answers is to read on. How can it be possible that Phillip was in the hotel for what felt like hours, when it was only a matter of minutes for Toby? How can he have been there at all seeing as it was burnt down many years before?
I like the relationship between Phillip and Toby, although awkward at times with Phillip in a way working for Toby you show through the dialogue how close they are, obviously from childhood when ironically it was Phillip that came to Tobys rescue. Now it seems to be the other way round with Toby trying to do the "rescuing" as it were: trying to get Phillip's life in order and back on track after his experience in France.
You have some nice turns of phrase as well, I particularly liked the reference to the tumbler- "I'm empty and you have to put me down". It's also good the way you have tied Spaak in, linked to both his father and recognising him as the policeman in the hotel. Again it raises more questions.
I wasn't too sure when Peter was telling Phillip about his father. Is it maybe too much information? Would you really tell a child that their father was tortured to the brink of death, screaming for 18 months? This is really my only nit-pick. Good luck with this, I think it's a great idea!

Challenging, intriguing what you have written...

And thank you for supporting my book, dear David!

Creating you will overcome what you fight with...God be with you!

Mariela Baeva

Hi David - a great opening chapter; terrific characters and rural French setting, and a belter of a pitch that places us at the heart of intrigue. The seduction scene was very well done, and Toby's mannerisms were very well captured. Excellent work, some stars coming your way

Pat

Absolutely intriguing, one that I would like to read. There are errors here and there, but you said that the uploading was a problem, so most are probably already corrected on your master copy.
Backed, Marj.

Dear David,

Welcome to the Hotel Le Brambily. You can check in anytime you want...

Great premise.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(I have a JFK remembrance, too, in the first section)

BACKED for the potential and interesting choice of language.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Phillip. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to fully explore all of his thoughts and emmotions. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Pitch

What an amazing premise. I adore time travel novels. I liked that you used an event in history to pin point the timelines as opposed to simply mentioning the date.



Chapter 1



Small nit, but shouldn’t it be hypermarket instead of supermarket...All the hypermarkets are as you leave the docks. The supermarkets are in the centre of Calais town. I wasn’t quite clear where Toby and Phillip had come from. Had they got off the boat from Dover to Calais? I think when you have characters in transit you should make it clear where they have come as much as where they are going to.



Sometimes I thought your sentences too long, especially when trying to build excitement / tension. When Phillip is following Rita, I thought it a slow read, when it was really a cliff hanging moment.



Eg. She touched me. I felt a jolt of electricity, I followed, dreamlike. We came to a flight of corkscrew stairs. She held my hand. (this sounds so much sharper)...


Also.....We (started) to ascend......she ascended (more definition)

A pain (started) behind my eyes ......A pain pierced my eyes....(sharper).

Can you ‘start’ to drown, fall off a cliff....?

Great read hope my comment helps. Shelved.

Wilma1 - Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you like it

David,

I love the premise and your writing has a nice flow. I like the date you chose for Phillips first encounter with the ghost. Although I don't remember the day Kennedy was shot. It predates me by about seven years. I like twist of Phillip then ending up back in the 1800's wounded with Rita as his nurse. Interesting Idea - then to have a chance to change history....

Shelved.

Laurie - Into The Master's Lair

Good luck with this David.

A few issues with punctuation but nothing that could detract from an excellent tale told with finesse and a natural style...the dialogue is particularly good!
Cheers
Stewart

It was a day I was able to go home early from elementary school. Too young to make love to a ghost. Man, I wish I had a friend who inherited a publishing firm. "Another bloody universal law . . . forget something from the supermarket and it's guaranteed there will [be] no shops open on route." "What I said next was [as] much a surprise to Toby as it was to me." This is a little eerie, eh? Ghosts putting thoughts into minds? There it is the Hotel Le Brambily again and again. "So you have returned, Phillip." Yep, I'll be back to read more. I like this very much. "Rita?" I love the ending of the first chapter: "Ten minutes?" Backed for now.

' Hotel Le Brambily ' and ' Saving Starfish '

Well drawn characters and a compelling story that grabs the readers attention and holds it.
A well constructed plot that is well thought out.

Jane

I love your voice! Absolutely love it!

Backed with pleasure.
-Cori
Princess

Quite a few typos and a couple word choice issues. Otherwise very interesting. Backed.

Cat
"Twisted"

Dear David


i would buy it for myself for sure. well crafted, and soooo real to me...that is due to your writing skills. such talent and ability with words to create quite the animated movie in my head
CONGRATS I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear David, Here, I am to read & comment on your 2nd book :) Your pitch sucked me in to see the huge jump in time with your hero & heroine. :) What a write :) - what a great imagination. :) "Before I was even born," was a great phrase. :) Your dialogue & paragraphs are nice & tight providing a nice read. :) Is there a 3rd book in the brew, now? :) Love, Susie :) p.s. We've already back each other's books. :) Thank you. :)